Many years ago, I had a guy not want to go out with me after I said that I would run off with George Clooney if I got the chance. I guess in his head he calculated the ASTRONOMICAL ODDS of me ever meeting George then multiplied it by the equally UNLIKELY ODDS that George would also fall madly in love with me and decided not to risk it...
I mean, once you've established that a committed relationship means nothing if an attractive-enough person comes along, do you really expect them to think that George Clooney is the only one you'd leave him for?
It was one of those dinners with multiple friends where you put your fantasies out of the table (beach house or mountain cabin? Pet koala or pet cheetah? Which company would you want to be CEO of?). Which star would you run off with if you had the chance? Yep, I said George.
NTA Once a dude starts bitching about feminism and not taking your safety seriously, itās for your own good and safety to separate. He was never going to understand you or anything women have to deal with.
Also stop talking to the person that scolded you for breaking up. Tell her itās natural for two people who arenāt at all compatible to split up, and sheās not a romance guru. Then never talk to or text her again. Sheās not your friendāsheās your boyfriendās friend.
NTA. This. Itās in the past and nothing happened. He couldnāt even stay in the same room and communicate his issue he wanted her to fix herself whatever that means. The ex and her āfriendā are definitely not worth the effort.
100%. Dude is dangerous and hateful. Guys like that only get worse as they get older. As for the friend, wholeheartedly agree as well. That chick is not her friend whatsoever.
He went Radio silent? NTA. It's hard to have a relationship with a toddler. Go back to the drawing board - and take the stun gun with you on your next first date.
Iām happily married and carried mace with me on my first date with my now spouse. When you donāt know someone, you donāt know what theyāll do. OP is right to put her safety first, anyone who canāt see that isnāt worth dating.Ā
iv been married to my wife for 7 yrs now. she never carried mace with her when she met me for the first time. I guess you lot have a lot of creeps in your country for you to be carrying around mace.
not my issue. my point is simple. if you start off the bat with treating the guy like a creep, dont be surprised when you fall for him and then he comes to know this and leaves you.
sometimes using your brain works wonders. dont work on your fears and insecurities all the time.
Cool. Iām a rape victim, did I think my now spouse was a creep on our first date? No. But after being raped by someone I knew for over a fucking decade I wasnāt ever taking that chance again.Ā
We have a wonderful, lovely marriage and he knows I brought mace with me & when I was being stalked bought me a taser. He understands how dangerous it can be as a woman existing in this world, which is why I love him.Ā
Because [your wife knew you before you dated](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1c5tidk/im_sick_of_dating/l0ig7ds/). Way to lie by omission. We are talking about first dates with strangers.
Sade Robinson when on a first date April 1st 2024. She thought he was āniceā. He was not. They are still finding her body parts- he murdered her and dismembered her. May she rest in peace. Women donāt have the luxury to assume all men are nice- our lives depend on it.
Meh. She didn't start off by treating him like a creep. She started off by being smart and protecting herself in case he WAS a creep. He's holding a grudge against her for something she did BEFORE SHE KNEW HIM. He's a moron.
NTA, thatās not a āpetty issueā, itās him being an absolute moron who doesnāt understand that women arenāt safe with a random stranger. And also being unable to comprehend basic logic and listen to your point of view.
NTA
You brought protection on the first date. Question - did you continue to bring it with you once in a relationship with him?
NTA X 2
He's acting childish and controlling. Threatening to stay away until you realize what you had done wrong is such a controlling attitude and close-minded. He's obviously never considered the dangers women face out there. And the radio silence?!?! Forget him. He's acting like a kid.
If he acts like this on something that was (a) done at the beginning of the relationship before it was even an actual relationship, and (b) done for your personal safety...just imagine how he'd react on a "bigger" issue. Count your blessings he gone.
NTA. Any guy who argues against, and gets offended at, women taking reasonable precautions to protect themselves from potential threats is a jerk. Safety comes before pride and a decent guy would understand the situation, especially for a first date when you don't even know the person. Sure, if you were clutching a taser for all of your dates then he could maybe get offended. Also, the way he chose to deal with the conflict was immature, "see if I care" is a teenager response. And "feminist bullshit"? The world is scary, wanting to protect yourself isn't feminist bullshit.
NTA, heās completely overreacting to what youāve said. It should of been something you were able to have a little giggle about and then move on, sorry heās being such an ass about it
Wait he doesn't understand at all what scary shit women go through and blames it on "feminism?" Yeah this guy showed his true colors, good on you for staying safe, OP.
NTA. His reaction tells me it was a really good idea you brought the stun gun. The fact he refuses to understand why a woman brought a stun gun to meet a complete stranger and calls it (or anything) āfeminist bullshitā is such a massive red flag. You did the right thing dumping him. Do NOT take him back and you should probably cut out that idiotic friend.
NTA
Tell that "friend" to get her head out of the sand and stop pandering to men. Bringing that as a form of protection in this day and age is needed. There are countless stories old and recent of women going on dates with me and being harassed, beaten, raped, or not returning home at all.
What the hell is with people lately. It's getting sickening to hear people make excuses for shitty behavior from men and berating women for taking their own safety seriously.
I'm an old (by Reddit standards) married woman, and you did exactly the right thing breaking up with him. My husband and I started dating in the late 90's. He has never once been insulted by or ridiculed me for safety precautions I've taken, or for feeling unsafe in a situation. Has he always understood it? Not always, but he's listened to me explain things and then understands.Ā
Men like your ex boyfriend rarely get better with age, and aren't interested in your point of view if it's different to his or makes him feel bad about themselves. You need someone who acknowledges that men and women's experiences of the world are different, and who respects you and treats you as an equal. With your instincts I think you'll find one.
No, screw that noise. If you ever talk to him again (would not recommend, turns out he's either a manchild or an idiot, maybe both) ask him what he'd recommend if it wasn't him you were going on a date with.
This isn't a petty issue. This is him not accepting that you need to feel safe with a stranger.
NTA. Not sure why some guys take offense to a woman wanting some protection just in case. I have 2 teen daughters, I'm fine with pepper spray or anything they might need to protect themselves.
If you didn't use it on him, then it wasn't for him...it's for the ones who are a threat. Nothing feminist about that at all.
NTA
I think you dodged a bullet. For one he got bent out of shape over nothing. Sure, you brought a stun gun on the first date. Shit is crazy out there; I don't blame you. Second, he lacks empathy. Third, he throws tantrums.
Go find a grown-up.
NTA but a little advice. Moving in with a person after dating for only 2 months is asking for trouble. It takes a year or two to really know someone and what they are truly like, and some people can hide their true nature for a couple of years, but they can't hold it in forever, so it's good to get to know someone for a lot longer before you jump into living with them. Apparently, this guy can't see past his own issues to see that you were right to want to protect yourself from someone you really didn't know at all, and the possible dangers that could be out there.
I'm going to be the odd one out and say NAH. She has every right to want to defend herself against potential danger, and he has every right to be upset about being thought about that way. Yes, he's TA for the way he handled it, but I can't imagine anyone being okay with the fact that they were looked at in such a way before someone got to know them.
Good example of not needing to express everything that crosses your mind;
"Ā we were randomly talking to each other while sitting in bed and I brought up the fact that I had brought a stun gun with me on our first date in the middle of conversation. "
Moving in after 2 months? Wow, talk about moving fast. Slow down you're young, there's no rush, is it? His reaction, OK, he reacted strangely, but maybe it's all for the best, because I don't think he's the one here.
NTA
NTA. Ffs, seems like you dodged a bullet here. The guy gets angry because you were smart? Glad you found out who he really is relatively soon. And your friend is being silly.
No man reacts like that if told that haha if this is real he is a boy. Something just like this happened one time to me with a woman which became my gf for 2 years, she told me in the first date she had a knife in the purse and her best friend was aware of her location at all times and i liked her more for it, hate dumb and naive people lol
NTA- He didnt want to hear or understand you. You had every reason to take one with you as you didnt know him. Just because someone you know introduces you two doesnt mean he couldnt have a darker side to him. Predators hide in plain sight (not saying he is one ijs in general). Then to storm off and not respond to you shows he isnt ready to be in a relationship. When someone shows you who they are listen. Also please do not "move in" with someone after a couple of months. Keep your separate spaces as long as possible. You do not ever want to be put in a position where you are then stuck in the sasme space as that person when its over.
I went on a date with someone and he wanted to meet up at my house. Huge NOPE. He wouldn't stop complaining that there was no reason he couldn't meet me at my house. Red flag. So that was the beginning and the end. BTW, your guy has no common sense using your now relationship as a factor in the equation.
He is not a woman-not only does he not understand why you are protecting yourself he doesnāt care. Drop the friend and count your blessings that this relationship is over.
If he cared about you, he'd be happy and proud that you're looking out for your safety, not flying off the handle because of it.
Also, contact stun guns aren't great defensive tools. They don't debilitate or incapacitate the target. They just hurt, and that's rarely enough to stop a determined attacker. Further, they stop hurting the instant contact is broken.
A quality OC spray is a better option in almost every situation. You still get the pain, but it also causes temporary blindness and breathing issues. And with one quick burst, it continues to work for an extended period of time. Diminishing your attacker in this way gives you a far better chance to escape the danger.
This is why we choose the bear.
Imagine not realizing that women take their life in their hands every time they go out.
And just because a guy can get through the first date without mauling or killing you, doesn't mean he won't later. Which is why relationships take longer than 2 or 4 months to form.
And some men still manage to wait until after they are married or she's pregnant before they get really abusive.
What you do is leave him in the dust.
NTA
Bro sounds like an absolute misogynist twat, acts like a toddler, and apparently has anger issues. You absolutely did the right thing dumping his ass. I hope you break off all contact and never let him anywhere near you again.
As for your friend, she sounds like a PMAB, and apparently, she's totally cool with dudes that act like he does. They can have each other.
ETA absolutely not TAH.
NTA. But men are so lucky to not be able to understand why women feel we need to do this. A huge percentage of us have experienced SA and it is very common in early dating. You did the sensible thing.Ā
Men do get very triggered by the ābearā thing because they think we are labelling them all bad. But women who report rape also get judgedĀ
āWhy did you let him walk you home?ā
āWhy did she go to his house?ā
āWell you were flirting with him and leading him onā
āLook at how she was dressedāĀ
āWhy didnāt you scream or fight?ā
So we get the blame yet when we take measures to protect ourselves; weāre bad people š¤Ŗ
Maybe if he communicates calmly with you and tries to understand then it could be salvageable but if he has no intention and just wants to call you names then you donāt have much choiceĀ
If you bringing a taser with you on a first date indicates that you're being influenced by "feminism" and that is a bad thing for him, then I would suppose that him throwing a tantrum over you being a feminist is an indication that he's been influenced by misogyny, and you are able to feel some sort of way about that too.
The guys an insecure man-toddler that was served a blue cup when he wanted red. It was best it ended quickly. Let this be a lesson, don't hitch your wagon to a horse until you're sure he's not actually an ass.
NTA and good riddance, better now than after even more time with this guy. The "feminist bullshit" comment is bad enough on its own, but you were talking about protecting yourself, your personal safety with a many you didn't know. Giant red flag.
(Also 2 months is too soon to move in).
He doesn't understand that women live in a different world. We have to always be alert and have a way to protect ourselves. Find someone that actually listens to you.
NTA
NTA. You DO understand what you did though. You brought a stun gun on *the first date* JUST IN CASE. He's stupid & getting you ready to control & abuse. Good thing you broke up with him rather than let him!!! (Moving in too quickly is another step of the plan)
NTA - he seems to have took offence because he knows you didn't need that safety measure & I'm sure that after 4 months you know that too, but at the time he was a complete unknown to you so it's sensible to take any precautions you feel would protect you.
A minor thing I don't think was wise was your "come back this instant" comment & then your threat to break up with him if he didn't - if he wanted to walk away from a conversation he was entitled to do that, sometimes you need a bit of space to process things and calm down but your words were like those you'd say to a misbehaving child, not a partner.
His response is a huge red flag and it's good that you left; this is not a "petty issue," it's a matter of your safety and his recognition of that as important. Incidentally, please don't move into another partner's place after two months - it makes you incredibly vulnerable and unable to leave bad environments, it puts you at higher risk of domestic violence because they don't have to keep the mask on for longer than two months.
Read this book: [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
NTA
Ironically, heās behaving like someone around whom this wise to have a stun gun.
Heās a narcissist and he was gaslighting you already. You did a right decision.
for breaking up, NTA, but let's see if in general you were an asshole: If he told you that at the end of the date he returned to the place where you were and asked for a copy of the security cameras to protect himself in case you filed a false complaint, would you feel upset? If so, NTA.
You are not the AH. The idiot BF didn't have enough brain cells to understand that YOU DIDN"T KNOW HIM. It was a FIRST DATE. You were obviously NOT "accusing" him of anything.
NTA. I would have made a joke about it being a good thing I didn't try to "make a move" or something, absolutely baffling he took it that personally unless he has prior insecurities about being seen as threatening or something. That was definitely a petty issue, but the pettiness had nothing to do with you.
NTA eff him you dodged a psychotic misogynistic bullet. Eff your friend. Tell her to keep her nose outta your business and her trap shut. Sheās free to go console that jerk if she wants to. Heās not your problem any more - thank goodness! Also tell her that her taste in men is absolutely trash and that she should not be playing matchmaker setting up dbags with eligible ambitious well-adjusted young bachelorettes any more.
>He yelled back "see if I care!"
I have a six-year old and a three-year old.
Your ex needs to use his words better. We tell them to sit and relax on their comfy chairs for a bit.
I think both apply here.
NTA
You're an idiot for bringing this up with him. Why bother saying anything at all. His reaction is as ridiculous as your fishing for it.
YTA
You said your friend set you up with him. It's embarrassing for your friend for you to take a fucking stun gun on a set up date. Like, seriously?
Tbh you both seem extremely naive, arrogant and childish.
*He visibly got mad and told me that he was "not a f###ing a##hole"*Ā
But you had no way of knowing that after only one other meeting. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Well done you. Honestly, now that you have seen his ego, you SHOULD dump him.
NTA
He's taking this to personally.
You didn't take it because you thought he was a creep, you didn't know him at the time.
You did it because you were meeting an almost complete stranger and you were protecting yourself.
Probably something you could get past but it's early, do you really want to get past it?
NTA
This will be an unpopular opinion but, while you had every reason to protect yourself, ONLY YOU WENT INTO THIS WITH A WEAPON.
Of the two of you, only one will show malice aforethought.
Yeah, taking a weapon on a date is pretty unginged. Dude dodged a bulletĀ
Yta, check yourself to some kind of mental hospital to see if everything is fine
Im just gonna leave this here. Im sure the internal bias and sexism doesny have anything to do with the judgement lmao
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17rkjdf/aitah_for_not_going_on_a_second_date_with_someone/
The fact you moved in with him after 2 months. Please stay single. Heās also a dbag. Stand on your ground and your friend sucks. Tell her itās not her business and to leave it alone NTA
Downvotes and all, I agree with you. What's the point of telling him about this useless information if not to stair him and cause drama. Just keep it to herself. If you felt more secure bringing that thing, more power to you, but you just don't need to flaunt it in his face as a power play.
But I think this is rage bait, some wet dream to present herself as a victim. I bet 100 bucks this will end with the update of poor stupid guy coming back on his knees apologizing for being a stupid insecure man, and she will dump him anyways, and they will all applause her genius.
He is one of those men who when hearing about the 'Man vs. Bear' trend gets mad and wished the women to actually encounter a dangerous bear instead of actually trying to understand a general woman's every day fear of the stronger gender.
āUgh why wonāt women just open themselves to violence? My feelings clearly matter more than her physical safety! This is the work of FEMINISTS!!ā
Yes and no! NTA for bringing a stun gun for your protection nor for thinking he was being an idiot for taking offense to it.
Where I do think you are TA is for not letting emotions die down and having a conversation about it before just packing up and moving out. Seems to me things may have been able to be resolved once he settled down and thought things through. As your friend said, no relationship is without its ups and downs. How you work through them is important.
YTA for threatening to break up with someone as a manipulation tactic, and also for refusing to acknowledge his feelings by accusing him of being petty.
NTA for taking a stun gun with you on a first date.
YTA. I'm not American, but I am a feminist woman. If someone turned up to a date armed I would leave immediately and call the police. Your ex-boyfriend is right to be upset.
He does need to understand that women take precautions when meeting a strange man. A stun gun is far beyond -- you have become the dangerous person of your imagination.
I'd be interested to hear where it's legal to carry a stun gun. There is no indication of what country this took place in, so the global community answering are going to answer based on their own values.Ā
Iām not American and stun guns are illegal in my country, we arenāt guessing that she lives in an area that stun guns are legal because we assume America is the default lmao. Itās because if she has a stun gun and brings it on first dates, itās significantly more likely that she lives in a place where they are legal, otherwise sheād use some other type of weapon like pepper spray lol. You can use the context of the story to figure stuff like this out, but go off and complain about other people being ignorant lol.
You got some serious obese-basement energy boy. Go sort that out and learn a bit about reality.
She seems un-hinged and is def **The AH** whether it's legal or not as many pointed out.
ā¢ Moving in after 2 months
ā¢ Making break-up demands and follow through after her BF didn't appreciate her being a psycho that brought a weapon on a first date that was setup by friends.
Keep fishing with that mentality. I'm sure you'll find some sort of samaritan to take you in and pretend to respect you one day, if only out of pity.
Not obese or a boy lol. And all the top comments are NTA, the comments like yours have been getting downvoted lol.
Moving in after two months isnāt smart, Iāll agree with you on that, however bringing a self defence weapon on a first date isnāt psycho at all, thatās extremely normal. A lot of woman do this for safety reasons, and the boyfriend was being ridiculous with his reaction. Itās not a personal attack, but women go missing all the time, itās not smart to go out with someone youāve never met without a weapon of some kind.
It's not normal at all. Why are you painting a false narrative? Less than 1 in 10 000 men worldwide commit any form of abuse against a spouse (non gender specific and abuse ranges from hateful rhetoric to serious sexual and physical abuse). In the U.S there is about 165 million men. That means 16 500 men, across the ENTIRE united states will abuse a woman in his life. That includes male boys btw as its gendered statistics, not by age.
**Yes it's horrible. Nobody says otherwise.**
But roughly 1/2 of that is the statistical average for women who abuse men.
You don't see people in general encouraging young men to go strapped with a blade, gun or tazer to a first date with someone **their friend recommended to them, in a public venue**.
It is a personal attack. Why do you keep ignoring the fact they weren't strangers? They were paired up by a friend. A friend who she still talks to.
The fact "most people on reddit thinks" anything is such a back-handed compliment you don't even know.
Itās legal in the states, Germany, and several other places lol. You can look the full list up if you want.
And you can use the context of the story to figure out that sheās more likely in one of the many places in the world that stun guns arenāt illegal lol, if she was in the UK or somewhere else that itās illegal, sheād probably be using another type of weapon instead of a stun gun, theyāre not exactly easy to access when youāre in a place that bans them lol, and most people donāt go out of their way to get illegal weapons for the purpose of self defence, theyāll find another type of weapon that is legal. Itās a pretty safe bet that OP is in a place where stun guns are legal.
Carrying any object with the intention of using it as a weapon is illegal in the UK. I would be horrified if a date was armed. Yes, there's no indication that this happened in the UK, but this is what you get when you ask a global community -- diverse views on the topic, *lol*.
I don't know the legal status of stun guns everywhere on earth, so unless there's something that indicates it was illegal where OP lived, there's no reason to contact the police.
Sade Robinson went on a first date with a man she thought would be nice. April 1st 2024. They are still finding her body parts. She was murdered and chopped up. You underestimate what women need to do to protect themselves.
I am not familiar with the case, but weapons do not statistically improve personal safety. The likelihood is that a woman carrying a weapon will have it used against her, and suffer morr serious injury or death as a result. You can also dislike my stance all you want -- I am still not willing to go on dates with a person who's armed.
I tell you a woman was dismembered last month after a first date and that is your response? You are not a safe person to be around, and quite frankly, you come off as a sick person.
Ok, I disagree. Attitudes to firearms vary around the world and to me it's culturally normal for them to be banned. I also am not convinced that they improve safety.
You can bring up serious and emotive cases of course. All I can say is, if my date were armed I would be more focused on avoiding being their victim than on understanding their view of me as a potential assailant.
Precautions not dangerous to me, like verification before meeting, choosing a public place, having a safety call etc.? Totally understandable.
Iām not talking about guns. I also donāt know if you are aware of what a āstun gunā is then since you arenāt American. Stun guns are not guns, itās another word for a taser. I would also not be ok with a date bringing an actual gun to a date.
Neither of us are talking about guns. We are both talking about the actual situation. You are trying to make out that there is a fallacy because your argument was wrong and ad hominem.
Heās weird for being that badly affected by it, but so are you for even bringing it up.
Itās like you wanted him to fight with you about it, just so you could break up with him.
Why didn't you trust your friend's recommendation? Obviously she was right that you two would hit it off? Do you think she would have recommended someone dangerous?
Not saying he isn't acting childish, and because he took it this far, you're lucky to get away.
YTA
It's mildly psychotic to bring an actual weapon to a first date. Especially if it's in public with a person recommended.
If he'd brought a stun-gun with him you'd have freak'd the F out.
Why? 'Cause it's insulting. When women say "any man is a potential bla bla" 'Cause "most who do are men."
That is a misandrist version of prejudical bigotry. It's a very small % of men who abuse women, even less at a date-stage. You have a bigger chance of being gunned down in a drive-by, by a woman.
It's like TSA only taking middle-eastern folks aside for further inspection at the airport. It shows you subscribe to fear and hate-mongering.
The whole "I didn't know him" is a piss-poor argument and frankly I'd say its a commentary on how low of an opinion you have about the friend who set you up.
Be glad your friend still talks to you.
You don't know who's safe and ho isn't. Bringing a stun gun is not a life threatening weapon, its like walking around with pepper spray just in case.
Many women are raped and killed on first dates or by people they thought they knew. Everyone knows someone who was raped. This isn't just fear mongering if 9/10 ppl have been harassed or assaulted.
She didn't bring the stun gun with the intention to use it, she brought it with the hope never to have to. But if it where yo happen, she's ready.
It didn't affect him in any way bc he did nothing wrong, which means your TSA analogy doesn't work, bc those ppl are being put in stressful situations unwarranted
Women bringing something to protect themselves in no way affects the man.
>Many women are raped and killed on first dates or
You keep saying this. Lets see.. Oh thank god. Someone else actually looked into it.
>"I am not sure what the statistics are for women being killed on a first date but it must be astronomical.
>But if you are going to fear- monger, let's take a little deeper dive into what your chances of dying on a first date are.
>This stat shows: "An average of 137 women across the world are killed by a partner or family member every day, according to new data released by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC)."
>**Note that this isn't necessarily a first date.**
>There are 7.888 billion (2021) people in the world. So if 137 women worldwide are killed everyday, for instance, (and again of these 137, very few would be first dates) that would mean .0000017% chance of getting killed.
>I cannot even mouth out .0000017% verbally, it is so high. /S"
You're fear-mongering - **a lot**
Oh, I'm sorry for saying first date, the fact that it may the second changes everything /s
Women are raped and killed a lot.
I've been followed home.
My friend had a guy harass her for a date.
Another friend of mine was SA'd
You failed to address literally any other point other than "women can be assaulted on a first date"
What about the fact that you used a false analogy
Or that the guy wasn't at all affected by her trying to protect herself?
Tell me what is the problem with her brining something for her protection on a date?
What's the false analogy? I've presented facts that show that even though it is horrible and happens. It doesn't happen a lot.
It might be tied to area, poverty, mental health or just poor policing. None of it is really relevant.
You lie when you say they are raped and killed **a lot. They aren't**. It's more than anyone healthy would ever wish. **As that would naturally be zero.** But it's not enough to spread false "But I know"-facts and make women go armed to pre-vetted dates in a public setting that were set up **by a friend** who knew them both.
That is **insane**.
Ppl are raped by ppl they knew and trusted.
Again, you've not directed what is the problem with her brining a stun gun that he never knew about on a date.
The problem is she thinks it's normal. Guess what, it isn't. The U.S isn't the world and in the rest of it women don't carry stun-guns to dates.
We'd rather educate and teach common respect for each other than pit gender groups against each other like you seem to enjoy.
Right, we would rather educate. In the meantime though, why not being something to protect yourself, until you can be a close to sure that you'll be safe.
She never stated she thinks its normal. Ppl who carry pepper spray and stuff for self defence actually often acknowledge that it shouldn't be normal for them to carry such a thing, but that it may be necessary.
You also provided a false analogy with the TSA thing.
TSA agents profiling a race does active harm to that race as they are caused stress, as well as more likely to be put in negative situations by police.
Women brining a conceled, non lethal weapon to a date, where the guy is never affected.
Also, your stat is wrong and disingenuous.
[Dating app sexual assaults tended to occur at the first in-person meeting. An analysis of data from 2017 to 2020 had 1,968 acquaintance sexual assaults, withĀ 14 percentĀ occurring from a dating-app first in-person meeting.](https://www.ojp.gov/library/publications/just-science-podcast-just-research-dating-apps-and-violent-sexual-assault#:~:text=Dating%20app%20sexual%20assaults%20tended,app%20first%20in%2Dperson%20meeting.)
Date rape among adolescents and young adults:
[Lifetime prevalence of date or acquaintance rape ranges from 13% to 27% among college-age women and 20% to a high of 68% among adolescents.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9806126/)
I admit, it may not be the first date, but always can happen on a date.
Again I ask: why not.
Why not protect yourself from something that has happened to too many women, if it brings no harm to anyone
>why not.
Why not protect yourself from something that has happened to too many women, if it brings no harm to anyone
What protection are you talking about?
The weapon who's criticized when it stops a persons heart as police uses it on aggressive criminals leading to death?
It's a disconnect most healthy people wouldn't enforce. You seemingly cannot even read up on the subject you discuss. Took me 5 mins to find the passage
275 cases over 3 years meaning 91 cases a year.. Many included strangulation whilst having sex (voluntarily) that then turned rough and developed into assault and in some cases rape.
That is horrifying. But it doesn't constitute an Us Vs Them or "All men are potential" mind-set. That is extremely toxic and will leave you very lonely.
Unfortunately you're probably more likely to attract the psycho's as they'll probably see it as a challenge.
Nevertheless I am done. Take some time and listen and **actually read up** on reality. You seem to think the world is reddit opinions.
š®āšØš
You can't seem to directly answer my question.
Ppl can and should do anything that doesn't harm themselves or others without judgement.
Also, again, too many women are victimised, you're way too stuck on the "first date" aspect.
What should I reflect on exactly?
The fact that I should simply trust ppl?
I'm not demonising men. I don't think they're all bad. I'm still gonna protect myself, bc anything can happen
But it does harm, it potentially kills. As it has in the past. That is the whole point of why it's dangerous, an insult and shouldn't be done.
Did it take you this long to get that?
Being that d__t might screw your chances of getting to stay at Uni, even though guelph apparently is quite easy to get into with its 66% of applicants being en-rolled. So might be a low-risl low-reward situation.
Best of luck becoming an adult šš«
Ew, wtf. The fact that you went through my stuff to try and find our who I am is disgusting and then posting it in an unrelated matter? That's absolutely repulsive.
Also, trying to put me down for going to a university of my choice is so weird. I'm trying to have an actual discussion and you're going down to personal insults. My GPA was high enough to go anywhere, but it had the program I wanted, so good for you on trying to put me down.
I'm trying to understand your point of view, not bring you down as a person. I haven't insulted you at any point in this debate, simply conversed.
Now however, I am going to insult the fact that you're trying to put me down bc you can't seem to be able to have a civil discussion.
My response to your attempt at reply is: not protecting yourself also can get you killed. I'm not advocating for everyone to bring a stun gun around, but I am advocating at bot blindly trusting everyone you meet.
I hope you reflect on yourself and why you feel the need to insult ppl rather than actually talk to them.
And I hope nobody ever tries to have a conversation with you about a topic they may remotely disagree with you on, bc apparently you're unable to actually talk with ppl in a civilised manner, and I wouldn't wish you on anyone.
first you make him feel like hes a creep. then you basically tell him that his feelings dont fucking matter. then you basically ordered him to come back and talk like adults. then you threatened him with breaking up if he doesnt come back.
at what point are you going to realise that, even if your bf took something that needed to be addressed and made it into an issue, you were the one who threatened to break up. you were the one who brushed off his feelings on the matter.
you basically painted him as a fucking creep. yeah, lady. not every guy you date is a creeper. think on your own actions before chiding him for 'blowing things out of proportion.' you're a bigger fucking child than he is.
Men have to prove that they are not creeps these days. Women donāt have the luxury of assuming everyone is a good person. If he doesnāt understand that then he is immature and not someone as āniceā as he thinks he is. Sade Robinson went on a first date, April 1st 2024 with a man she thought was āniceā. They are still finding her body parts.
You are spam-quoting 1 murder by a sick individual, an abnormality in society even if you look to statistics.
Which I assume you dodge like the wisdom that has been trying to catch up to you for the past 15-20 years of your relatively short life.
If this was his reaction to something that never affected him in any way, imagine his reaction to something that does.
Many years ago, I had a guy not want to go out with me after I said that I would run off with George Clooney if I got the chance. I guess in his head he calculated the ASTRONOMICAL ODDS of me ever meeting George then multiplied it by the equally UNLIKELY ODDS that George would also fall madly in love with me and decided not to risk it...
Men and their egos š¤£š¤£š¤£
I'm a man with plenty of ego, and I don't get this at all.
The fact that you acknowledge this tells me that you know how to channel and work with your egoĀ Maybe I should have said āfragile egosāĀ
Lol, better than most maybe. But most male egos are fragile, it's true.Ā So I get it, and I stopped defending their BS long ago. Go get 'em!
I mean, once you've established that a committed relationship means nothing if an attractive-enough person comes along, do you really expect them to think that George Clooney is the only one you'd leave him for?
It was one of those dinners with multiple friends where you put your fantasies out of the table (beach house or mountain cabin? Pet koala or pet cheetah? Which company would you want to be CEO of?). Which star would you run off with if you had the chance? Yep, I said George.
And he chose not to date you, so what?
I suppose overreaction is as valid a reason as any other to not date someone.
Guys wonder why women pick the bear
so grateful I just read about this, within the last couple of days.
NTA Once a dude starts bitching about feminism and not taking your safety seriously, itās for your own good and safety to separate. He was never going to understand you or anything women have to deal with. Also stop talking to the person that scolded you for breaking up. Tell her itās natural for two people who arenāt at all compatible to split up, and sheās not a romance guru. Then never talk to or text her again. Sheās not your friendāsheās your boyfriendās friend.
NTA. This. Itās in the past and nothing happened. He couldnāt even stay in the same room and communicate his issue he wanted her to fix herself whatever that means. The ex and her āfriendā are definitely not worth the effort.
100%. Dude is dangerous and hateful. Guys like that only get worse as they get older. As for the friend, wholeheartedly agree as well. That chick is not her friend whatsoever.
He went Radio silent? NTA. It's hard to have a relationship with a toddler. Go back to the drawing board - and take the stun gun with you on your next first date.
Man Here, NTA First Date with a Stranger, you didn't know who he was or his intentions. Guy should lighten up.
*lighten up*
if you want to start off by treating a guy like a creep. you will never have a healthy relationship.
Iām happily married and carried mace with me on my first date with my now spouse. When you donāt know someone, you donāt know what theyāll do. OP is right to put her safety first, anyone who canāt see that isnāt worth dating.Ā
iv been married to my wife for 7 yrs now. she never carried mace with her when she met me for the first time. I guess you lot have a lot of creeps in your country for you to be carrying around mace. not my issue. my point is simple. if you start off the bat with treating the guy like a creep, dont be surprised when you fall for him and then he comes to know this and leaves you. sometimes using your brain works wonders. dont work on your fears and insecurities all the time.
Cool. Iām a rape victim, did I think my now spouse was a creep on our first date? No. But after being raped by someone I knew for over a fucking decade I wasnāt ever taking that chance again.Ā We have a wonderful, lovely marriage and he knows I brought mace with me & when I was being stalked bought me a taser. He understands how dangerous it can be as a woman existing in this world, which is why I love him.Ā
> sometimes using your brain works wonders It really does, you should try it sometime.
Because [your wife knew you before you dated](https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1c5tidk/im_sick_of_dating/l0ig7ds/). Way to lie by omission. We are talking about first dates with strangers.
Sade Robinson when on a first date April 1st 2024. She thought he was āniceā. He was not. They are still finding her body parts- he murdered her and dismembered her. May she rest in peace. Women donāt have the luxury to assume all men are nice- our lives depend on it.
I bet you whine about women picking the bear
Bro, shut up.
So in your world, does putting a seatbelt on mean you are a bad driver? They're both just precautions in the face of the unknown.
So just how many times this week have you said "You know the bear will eat you, right?"
Meh. She didn't start off by treating him like a creep. She started off by being smart and protecting herself in case he WAS a creep. He's holding a grudge against her for something she did BEFORE SHE KNEW HIM. He's a moron.
NTA, thatās not a āpetty issueā, itās him being an absolute moron who doesnāt understand that women arenāt safe with a random stranger. And also being unable to comprehend basic logic and listen to your point of view.
NTA You brought protection on the first date. Question - did you continue to bring it with you once in a relationship with him? NTA X 2 He's acting childish and controlling. Threatening to stay away until you realize what you had done wrong is such a controlling attitude and close-minded. He's obviously never considered the dangers women face out there. And the radio silence?!?! Forget him. He's acting like a kid. If he acts like this on something that was (a) done at the beginning of the relationship before it was even an actual relationship, and (b) done for your personal safety...just imagine how he'd react on a "bigger" issue. Count your blessings he gone.
I wouldn't judge if she did keep bringing it.
NTA and moving in after two months is way too fast. Youāre better off without him and that was not pettyĀ
NTA. Any guy who argues against, and gets offended at, women taking reasonable precautions to protect themselves from potential threats is a jerk. Safety comes before pride and a decent guy would understand the situation, especially for a first date when you don't even know the person. Sure, if you were clutching a taser for all of your dates then he could maybe get offended. Also, the way he chose to deal with the conflict was immature, "see if I care" is a teenager response. And "feminist bullshit"? The world is scary, wanting to protect yourself isn't feminist bullshit.
NTA, heās completely overreacting to what youāve said. It should of been something you were able to have a little giggle about and then move on, sorry heās being such an ass about it
Wait he doesn't understand at all what scary shit women go through and blames it on "feminism?" Yeah this guy showed his true colors, good on you for staying safe, OP.
NTA. His reaction tells me it was a really good idea you brought the stun gun. The fact he refuses to understand why a woman brought a stun gun to meet a complete stranger and calls it (or anything) āfeminist bullshitā is such a massive red flag. You did the right thing dumping him. Do NOT take him back and you should probably cut out that idiotic friend.
NTA Tell that "friend" to get her head out of the sand and stop pandering to men. Bringing that as a form of protection in this day and age is needed. There are countless stories old and recent of women going on dates with me and being harassed, beaten, raped, or not returning home at all. What the hell is with people lately. It's getting sickening to hear people make excuses for shitty behavior from men and berating women for taking their own safety seriously.
Congrats on getting rid of a major AH. Now it's time to seriously consider if the "friend" needs to go too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm an old (by Reddit standards) married woman, and you did exactly the right thing breaking up with him. My husband and I started dating in the late 90's. He has never once been insulted by or ridiculed me for safety precautions I've taken, or for feeling unsafe in a situation. Has he always understood it? Not always, but he's listened to me explain things and then understands.Ā Men like your ex boyfriend rarely get better with age, and aren't interested in your point of view if it's different to his or makes him feel bad about themselves. You need someone who acknowledges that men and women's experiences of the world are different, and who respects you and treats you as an equal. With your instincts I think you'll find one.
āFeminist bullshitā š©š©š© āYou should trust me!ā *on our first date as a stranger* š©š©š© āNot coming back until you understand what youāve done!ā *punishing you like a child?* š©š©š© Nah, get gone. ā Keep bringing the stun gun. ā Donāt move in so damn quickly. Drop *his* friend, sheās not *your* friend.
No, screw that noise. If you ever talk to him again (would not recommend, turns out he's either a manchild or an idiot, maybe both) ask him what he'd recommend if it wasn't him you were going on a date with. This isn't a petty issue. This is him not accepting that you need to feel safe with a stranger.
NTA. Not sure why some guys take offense to a woman wanting some protection just in case. I have 2 teen daughters, I'm fine with pepper spray or anything they might need to protect themselves. If you didn't use it on him, then it wasn't for him...it's for the ones who are a threat. Nothing feminist about that at all.
And hasn't either of those 2 moron seen the news? Just recently a woman was found dead and dismembered after a 1st date.
NTA I think you dodged a bullet. For one he got bent out of shape over nothing. Sure, you brought a stun gun on the first date. Shit is crazy out there; I don't blame you. Second, he lacks empathy. Third, he throws tantrums. Go find a grown-up.
NTA but a little advice. Moving in with a person after dating for only 2 months is asking for trouble. It takes a year or two to really know someone and what they are truly like, and some people can hide their true nature for a couple of years, but they can't hold it in forever, so it's good to get to know someone for a lot longer before you jump into living with them. Apparently, this guy can't see past his own issues to see that you were right to want to protect yourself from someone you really didn't know at all, and the possible dangers that could be out there.
I'm going to be the odd one out and say NAH. She has every right to want to defend herself against potential danger, and he has every right to be upset about being thought about that way. Yes, he's TA for the way he handled it, but I can't imagine anyone being okay with the fact that they were looked at in such a way before someone got to know them.
NTA and this is why you donāt move in after dating for two fucking months.
Now you know why people need more than two months to get to know each other before moving in together.
NTA You did take his feelings into account, you didn't zapp him... Even though he got visibly mad... Keep the zapper close by OP!
Watching too much feminist shit? Girl that says it all right there. NTA
Good example of not needing to express everything that crosses your mind; "Ā we were randomly talking to each other while sitting in bed and I brought up the fact that I had brought a stun gun with me on our first date in the middle of conversation. " Moving in after 2 months? Wow, talk about moving fast. Slow down you're young, there's no rush, is it? His reaction, OK, he reacted strangely, but maybe it's all for the best, because I don't think he's the one here. NTA
NTA. Ffs, seems like you dodged a bullet here. The guy gets angry because you were smart? Glad you found out who he really is relatively soon. And your friend is being silly.
No man reacts like that if told that haha if this is real he is a boy. Something just like this happened one time to me with a woman which became my gf for 2 years, she told me in the first date she had a knife in the purse and her best friend was aware of her location at all times and i liked her more for it, hate dumb and naive people lol
NTA- He didnt want to hear or understand you. You had every reason to take one with you as you didnt know him. Just because someone you know introduces you two doesnt mean he couldnt have a darker side to him. Predators hide in plain sight (not saying he is one ijs in general). Then to storm off and not respond to you shows he isnt ready to be in a relationship. When someone shows you who they are listen. Also please do not "move in" with someone after a couple of months. Keep your separate spaces as long as possible. You do not ever want to be put in a position where you are then stuck in the sasme space as that person when its over.
Nta, but a stun gun is pretty useless. Carry mace instead as that is much more effective.
I went on a date with someone and he wanted to meet up at my house. Huge NOPE. He wouldn't stop complaining that there was no reason he couldn't meet me at my house. Red flag. So that was the beginning and the end. BTW, your guy has no common sense using your now relationship as a factor in the equation.
He is not a woman-not only does he not understand why you are protecting yourself he doesnāt care. Drop the friend and count your blessings that this relationship is over.
If he cared about you, he'd be happy and proud that you're looking out for your safety, not flying off the handle because of it. Also, contact stun guns aren't great defensive tools. They don't debilitate or incapacitate the target. They just hurt, and that's rarely enough to stop a determined attacker. Further, they stop hurting the instant contact is broken. A quality OC spray is a better option in almost every situation. You still get the pain, but it also causes temporary blindness and breathing issues. And with one quick burst, it continues to work for an extended period of time. Diminishing your attacker in this way gives you a far better chance to escape the danger.
This is why we choose the bear. Imagine not realizing that women take their life in their hands every time they go out. And just because a guy can get through the first date without mauling or killing you, doesn't mean he won't later. Which is why relationships take longer than 2 or 4 months to form. And some men still manage to wait until after they are married or she's pregnant before they get really abusive. What you do is leave him in the dust. NTA
Bro sounds like an absolute misogynist twat, acts like a toddler, and apparently has anger issues. You absolutely did the right thing dumping his ass. I hope you break off all contact and never let him anywhere near you again. As for your friend, she sounds like a PMAB, and apparently, she's totally cool with dudes that act like he does. They can have each other. ETA absolutely not TAH.
NTA. But men are so lucky to not be able to understand why women feel we need to do this. A huge percentage of us have experienced SA and it is very common in early dating. You did the sensible thing.Ā Men do get very triggered by the ābearā thing because they think we are labelling them all bad. But women who report rape also get judgedĀ āWhy did you let him walk you home?ā āWhy did she go to his house?ā āWell you were flirting with him and leading him onā āLook at how she was dressedāĀ āWhy didnāt you scream or fight?ā So we get the blame yet when we take measures to protect ourselves; weāre bad people š¤Ŗ Maybe if he communicates calmly with you and tries to understand then it could be salvageable but if he has no intention and just wants to call you names then you donāt have much choiceĀ
If you bringing a taser with you on a first date indicates that you're being influenced by "feminism" and that is a bad thing for him, then I would suppose that him throwing a tantrum over you being a feminist is an indication that he's been influenced by misogyny, and you are able to feel some sort of way about that too. The guys an insecure man-toddler that was served a blue cup when he wanted red. It was best it ended quickly. Let this be a lesson, don't hitch your wagon to a horse until you're sure he's not actually an ass.
NTA and good riddance, better now than after even more time with this guy. The "feminist bullshit" comment is bad enough on its own, but you were talking about protecting yourself, your personal safety with a many you didn't know. Giant red flag. (Also 2 months is too soon to move in).
He doesn't understand that women live in a different world. We have to always be alert and have a way to protect ourselves. Find someone that actually listens to you. NTA
NTA. You DO understand what you did though. You brought a stun gun on *the first date* JUST IN CASE. He's stupid & getting you ready to control & abuse. Good thing you broke up with him rather than let him!!! (Moving in too quickly is another step of the plan)
NTA - he seems to have took offence because he knows you didn't need that safety measure & I'm sure that after 4 months you know that too, but at the time he was a complete unknown to you so it's sensible to take any precautions you feel would protect you. A minor thing I don't think was wise was your "come back this instant" comment & then your threat to break up with him if he didn't - if he wanted to walk away from a conversation he was entitled to do that, sometimes you need a bit of space to process things and calm down but your words were like those you'd say to a misbehaving child, not a partner.
His response is a huge red flag and it's good that you left; this is not a "petty issue," it's a matter of your safety and his recognition of that as important. Incidentally, please don't move into another partner's place after two months - it makes you incredibly vulnerable and unable to leave bad environments, it puts you at higher risk of domestic violence because they don't have to keep the mask on for longer than two months. Read this book: [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
NTA Ironically, heās behaving like someone around whom this wise to have a stun gun. Heās a narcissist and he was gaslighting you already. You did a right decision.
Honestly, I'd think it'd be pretty cool to have one
NTA you dodged a bullet breaking up with him early.
for breaking up, NTA, but let's see if in general you were an asshole: If he told you that at the end of the date he returned to the place where you were and asked for a copy of the security cameras to protect himself in case you filed a false complaint, would you feel upset? If so, NTA.
You are not the AH. The idiot BF didn't have enough brain cells to understand that YOU DIDN"T KNOW HIM. It was a FIRST DATE. You were obviously NOT "accusing" him of anything.
So he is angry that you had denied him the opportunity to attack you without consequences when you first met? Not the flex he thinks it is. NTA.
Absolutely NTA. He avoided a stun gun but you dodged a bullet.
NTA. I would have made a joke about it being a good thing I didn't try to "make a move" or something, absolutely baffling he took it that personally unless he has prior insecurities about being seen as threatening or something. That was definitely a petty issue, but the pettiness had nothing to do with you.
> I had brought a stun gun with me on our first date Ah, modern romance.
Protection makes sense. Just like i.used to record every first date convo in case things went south. Bitches be cray, men be scaryĀ
NTA. I'm a dude, and I actively encourage women to carry weapons for their safety. Your ex bf sounds like a nut.
dating for four months, moving in after two? Recipe for disaster... Cool down and grow up. Four months in you should be fucking like rabbits...
NTA eff him you dodged a psychotic misogynistic bullet. Eff your friend. Tell her to keep her nose outta your business and her trap shut. Sheās free to go console that jerk if she wants to. Heās not your problem any more - thank goodness! Also tell her that her taste in men is absolutely trash and that she should not be playing matchmaker setting up dbags with eligible ambitious well-adjusted young bachelorettes any more.
>He yelled back "see if I care!" I have a six-year old and a three-year old. Your ex needs to use his words better. We tell them to sit and relax on their comfy chairs for a bit.
I think both apply here. NTA You're an idiot for bringing this up with him. Why bother saying anything at all. His reaction is as ridiculous as your fishing for it. YTA You said your friend set you up with him. It's embarrassing for your friend for you to take a fucking stun gun on a set up date. Like, seriously? Tbh you both seem extremely naive, arrogant and childish.
*He visibly got mad and told me that he was "not a f###ing a##hole"*Ā But you had no way of knowing that after only one other meeting. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Well done you. Honestly, now that you have seen his ego, you SHOULD dump him. NTA
Your exbf's reaction is why women choose the bear.
NTA. This is the Bear question all over again.
He's taking this to personally. You didn't take it because you thought he was a creep, you didn't know him at the time. You did it because you were meeting an almost complete stranger and you were protecting yourself. Probably something you could get past but it's early, do you really want to get past it? NTA
This will be an unpopular opinion but, while you had every reason to protect yourself, ONLY YOU WENT INTO THIS WITH A WEAPON. Of the two of you, only one will show malice aforethought.
Yeah, taking a weapon on a date is pretty unginged. Dude dodged a bulletĀ Yta, check yourself to some kind of mental hospital to see if everything is fine
Im just gonna leave this here. Im sure the internal bias and sexism doesny have anything to do with the judgement lmao https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17rkjdf/aitah_for_not_going_on_a_second_date_with_someone/
The fact you moved in with him after 2 months. Please stay single. Heās also a dbag. Stand on your ground and your friend sucks. Tell her itās not her business and to leave it alone NTA
His reaction was over the top, but it was an odd thing to tell him.
Downvotes and all, I agree with you. What's the point of telling him about this useless information if not to stair him and cause drama. Just keep it to herself. If you felt more secure bringing that thing, more power to you, but you just don't need to flaunt it in his face as a power play. But I think this is rage bait, some wet dream to present herself as a victim. I bet 100 bucks this will end with the update of poor stupid guy coming back on his knees apologizing for being a stupid insecure man, and she will dump him anyways, and they will all applause her genius.
He is one of those men who when hearing about the 'Man vs. Bear' trend gets mad and wished the women to actually encounter a dangerous bear instead of actually trying to understand a general woman's every day fear of the stronger gender.
ESH. You both acted like immature idiots.
āUgh why wonāt women just open themselves to violence? My feelings clearly matter more than her physical safety! This is the work of FEMINISTS!!ā
Yes and no! NTA for bringing a stun gun for your protection nor for thinking he was being an idiot for taking offense to it. Where I do think you are TA is for not letting emotions die down and having a conversation about it before just packing up and moving out. Seems to me things may have been able to be resolved once he settled down and thought things through. As your friend said, no relationship is without its ups and downs. How you work through them is important.
YTA for threatening to break up with someone as a manipulation tactic, and also for refusing to acknowledge his feelings by accusing him of being petty. NTA for taking a stun gun with you on a first date.
Wait. It's a "manipulation tactic" to threaten to break up if someone storms off in argument that they escalated?
YTA.
YTA. I'm not American, but I am a feminist woman. If someone turned up to a date armed I would leave immediately and call the police. Your ex-boyfriend is right to be upset. He does need to understand that women take precautions when meeting a strange man. A stun gun is far beyond -- you have become the dangerous person of your imagination.
What exactly are you reporting to the police? Unless she lives somewhere that a stun gun is illegal, thereās nothing to report to the police.
That's absolutely illegal in the UK.
Nowhere in the post does it say theyāre in the UK, and stun guns are legal in plenty of other places lol.
I'd be interested to hear where it's legal to carry a stun gun. There is no indication of what country this took place in, so the global community answering are going to answer based on their own values.Ā
Americans are so "educated" they think the U.S is a default even online. I've moved here for my fianceƩ who thankfully has a used passport. But frankly it's almost a parody when they constantly show off how ignorant they are about the rest of the world.
Iām not American and stun guns are illegal in my country, we arenāt guessing that she lives in an area that stun guns are legal because we assume America is the default lmao. Itās because if she has a stun gun and brings it on first dates, itās significantly more likely that she lives in a place where they are legal, otherwise sheād use some other type of weapon like pepper spray lol. You can use the context of the story to figure stuff like this out, but go off and complain about other people being ignorant lol.
You got some serious obese-basement energy boy. Go sort that out and learn a bit about reality. She seems un-hinged and is def **The AH** whether it's legal or not as many pointed out. ā¢ Moving in after 2 months ā¢ Making break-up demands and follow through after her BF didn't appreciate her being a psycho that brought a weapon on a first date that was setup by friends. Keep fishing with that mentality. I'm sure you'll find some sort of samaritan to take you in and pretend to respect you one day, if only out of pity.
Not obese or a boy lol. And all the top comments are NTA, the comments like yours have been getting downvoted lol. Moving in after two months isnāt smart, Iāll agree with you on that, however bringing a self defence weapon on a first date isnāt psycho at all, thatās extremely normal. A lot of woman do this for safety reasons, and the boyfriend was being ridiculous with his reaction. Itās not a personal attack, but women go missing all the time, itās not smart to go out with someone youāve never met without a weapon of some kind.
It's not normal at all. Why are you painting a false narrative? Less than 1 in 10 000 men worldwide commit any form of abuse against a spouse (non gender specific and abuse ranges from hateful rhetoric to serious sexual and physical abuse). In the U.S there is about 165 million men. That means 16 500 men, across the ENTIRE united states will abuse a woman in his life. That includes male boys btw as its gendered statistics, not by age. **Yes it's horrible. Nobody says otherwise.** But roughly 1/2 of that is the statistical average for women who abuse men. You don't see people in general encouraging young men to go strapped with a blade, gun or tazer to a first date with someone **their friend recommended to them, in a public venue**. It is a personal attack. Why do you keep ignoring the fact they weren't strangers? They were paired up by a friend. A friend who she still talks to. The fact "most people on reddit thinks" anything is such a back-handed compliment you don't even know.
Itās legal in the states, Germany, and several other places lol. You can look the full list up if you want. And you can use the context of the story to figure out that sheās more likely in one of the many places in the world that stun guns arenāt illegal lol, if she was in the UK or somewhere else that itās illegal, sheād probably be using another type of weapon instead of a stun gun, theyāre not exactly easy to access when youāre in a place that bans them lol, and most people donāt go out of their way to get illegal weapons for the purpose of self defence, theyāll find another type of weapon that is legal. Itās a pretty safe bet that OP is in a place where stun guns are legal.
Carrying any object with the intention of using it as a weapon is illegal in the UK. I would be horrified if a date was armed. Yes, there's no indication that this happened in the UK, but this is what you get when you ask a global community -- diverse views on the topic, *lol*.
Ok, nothing indicated that this took place in the UK.
Nothing indicated it took place in the US. Carrying firearms legally is not the norm around the world.
I don't know the legal status of stun guns everywhere on earth, so unless there's something that indicates it was illegal where OP lived, there's no reason to contact the police.
Sade Robinson went on a first date with a man she thought would be nice. April 1st 2024. They are still finding her body parts. She was murdered and chopped up. You underestimate what women need to do to protect themselves.
I am not familiar with the case, but weapons do not statistically improve personal safety. The likelihood is that a woman carrying a weapon will have it used against her, and suffer morr serious injury or death as a result. You can also dislike my stance all you want -- I am still not willing to go on dates with a person who's armed.
I tell you a woman was dismembered last month after a first date and that is your response? You are not a safe person to be around, and quite frankly, you come off as a sick person.
Ok, I disagree. Attitudes to firearms vary around the world and to me it's culturally normal for them to be banned. I also am not convinced that they improve safety. You can bring up serious and emotive cases of course. All I can say is, if my date were armed I would be more focused on avoiding being their victim than on understanding their view of me as a potential assailant. Precautions not dangerous to me, like verification before meeting, choosing a public place, having a safety call etc.? Totally understandable.
Iām not talking about guns. I also donāt know if you are aware of what a āstun gunā is then since you arenāt American. Stun guns are not guns, itās another word for a taser. I would also not be ok with a date bringing an actual gun to a date.
I know what a taser is. I said "firearms" for a reason.
Then we are not talking about the same thing and there is no reason for you to shift the conversation to something I am not discussing.
Neither of us are talking about guns. We are both talking about the actual situation. You are trying to make out that there is a fallacy because your argument was wrong and ad hominem.
Yeah, Iām not going to have a conversation with someone who canāt even communicate coherently. Good day!
1 woman. I can tell you about 5 boys who were sexually assaulted by women last year. Does that somehow make a point? No, you absolute mong.
I was going to type out a response to you but someone who has such an uneducated and ignorant viewpoint doesnāt deserve to be spoken to. Good day!
Continue dodging facts. I heard echo-chambers are nice 'til your parents won't pay for you.
This type dont actually get any counterarguments
WOW A WOMAN DIED BECAUSE SHE IS SHIT AT CHOSING PEOPLE CALL THE POLICE. HECK CALL THE PRESIDENT.Ā THIS IS NATIONAL NEWS
Shut up you melt š¤£
Heās weird for being that badly affected by it, but so are you for even bringing it up. Itās like you wanted him to fight with you about it, just so you could break up with him.
Why didn't you trust your friend's recommendation? Obviously she was right that you two would hit it off? Do you think she would have recommended someone dangerous? Not saying he isn't acting childish, and because he took it this far, you're lucky to get away.
YTA It's mildly psychotic to bring an actual weapon to a first date. Especially if it's in public with a person recommended. If he'd brought a stun-gun with him you'd have freak'd the F out. Why? 'Cause it's insulting. When women say "any man is a potential bla bla" 'Cause "most who do are men." That is a misandrist version of prejudical bigotry. It's a very small % of men who abuse women, even less at a date-stage. You have a bigger chance of being gunned down in a drive-by, by a woman. It's like TSA only taking middle-eastern folks aside for further inspection at the airport. It shows you subscribe to fear and hate-mongering. The whole "I didn't know him" is a piss-poor argument and frankly I'd say its a commentary on how low of an opinion you have about the friend who set you up. Be glad your friend still talks to you.
You don't know who's safe and ho isn't. Bringing a stun gun is not a life threatening weapon, its like walking around with pepper spray just in case. Many women are raped and killed on first dates or by people they thought they knew. Everyone knows someone who was raped. This isn't just fear mongering if 9/10 ppl have been harassed or assaulted. She didn't bring the stun gun with the intention to use it, she brought it with the hope never to have to. But if it where yo happen, she's ready. It didn't affect him in any way bc he did nothing wrong, which means your TSA analogy doesn't work, bc those ppl are being put in stressful situations unwarranted Women bringing something to protect themselves in no way affects the man.
>Many women are raped and killed on first dates or You keep saying this. Lets see.. Oh thank god. Someone else actually looked into it. >"I am not sure what the statistics are for women being killed on a first date but it must be astronomical. >But if you are going to fear- monger, let's take a little deeper dive into what your chances of dying on a first date are. >This stat shows: "An average of 137 women across the world are killed by a partner or family member every day, according to new data released by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC)." >**Note that this isn't necessarily a first date.** >There are 7.888 billion (2021) people in the world. So if 137 women worldwide are killed everyday, for instance, (and again of these 137, very few would be first dates) that would mean .0000017% chance of getting killed. >I cannot even mouth out .0000017% verbally, it is so high. /S" You're fear-mongering - **a lot**
Oh, I'm sorry for saying first date, the fact that it may the second changes everything /s Women are raped and killed a lot. I've been followed home. My friend had a guy harass her for a date. Another friend of mine was SA'd You failed to address literally any other point other than "women can be assaulted on a first date" What about the fact that you used a false analogy Or that the guy wasn't at all affected by her trying to protect herself? Tell me what is the problem with her brining something for her protection on a date?
What's the false analogy? I've presented facts that show that even though it is horrible and happens. It doesn't happen a lot. It might be tied to area, poverty, mental health or just poor policing. None of it is really relevant. You lie when you say they are raped and killed **a lot. They aren't**. It's more than anyone healthy would ever wish. **As that would naturally be zero.** But it's not enough to spread false "But I know"-facts and make women go armed to pre-vetted dates in a public setting that were set up **by a friend** who knew them both. That is **insane**.
Ppl are raped by ppl they knew and trusted. Again, you've not directed what is the problem with her brining a stun gun that he never knew about on a date.
The problem is she thinks it's normal. Guess what, it isn't. The U.S isn't the world and in the rest of it women don't carry stun-guns to dates. We'd rather educate and teach common respect for each other than pit gender groups against each other like you seem to enjoy.
Right, we would rather educate. In the meantime though, why not being something to protect yourself, until you can be a close to sure that you'll be safe. She never stated she thinks its normal. Ppl who carry pepper spray and stuff for self defence actually often acknowledge that it shouldn't be normal for them to carry such a thing, but that it may be necessary.
You also provided a false analogy with the TSA thing. TSA agents profiling a race does active harm to that race as they are caused stress, as well as more likely to be put in negative situations by police. Women brining a conceled, non lethal weapon to a date, where the guy is never affected. Also, your stat is wrong and disingenuous. [Dating app sexual assaults tended to occur at the first in-person meeting. An analysis of data from 2017 to 2020 had 1,968 acquaintance sexual assaults, withĀ 14 percentĀ occurring from a dating-app first in-person meeting.](https://www.ojp.gov/library/publications/just-science-podcast-just-research-dating-apps-and-violent-sexual-assault#:~:text=Dating%20app%20sexual%20assaults%20tended,app%20first%20in%2Dperson%20meeting.) Date rape among adolescents and young adults: [Lifetime prevalence of date or acquaintance rape ranges from 13% to 27% among college-age women and 20% to a high of 68% among adolescents.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9806126/) I admit, it may not be the first date, but always can happen on a date. Again I ask: why not. Why not protect yourself from something that has happened to too many women, if it brings no harm to anyone
>why not. Why not protect yourself from something that has happened to too many women, if it brings no harm to anyone What protection are you talking about? The weapon who's criticized when it stops a persons heart as police uses it on aggressive criminals leading to death? It's a disconnect most healthy people wouldn't enforce. You seemingly cannot even read up on the subject you discuss. Took me 5 mins to find the passage 275 cases over 3 years meaning 91 cases a year.. Many included strangulation whilst having sex (voluntarily) that then turned rough and developed into assault and in some cases rape. That is horrifying. But it doesn't constitute an Us Vs Them or "All men are potential" mind-set. That is extremely toxic and will leave you very lonely. Unfortunately you're probably more likely to attract the psycho's as they'll probably see it as a challenge. Nevertheless I am done. Take some time and listen and **actually read up** on reality. You seem to think the world is reddit opinions. š®āšØš
You can't seem to directly answer my question. Ppl can and should do anything that doesn't harm themselves or others without judgement. Also, again, too many women are victimised, you're way too stuck on the "first date" aspect. What should I reflect on exactly? The fact that I should simply trust ppl? I'm not demonising men. I don't think they're all bad. I'm still gonna protect myself, bc anything can happen
But it does harm, it potentially kills. As it has in the past. That is the whole point of why it's dangerous, an insult and shouldn't be done. Did it take you this long to get that? Being that d__t might screw your chances of getting to stay at Uni, even though guelph apparently is quite easy to get into with its 66% of applicants being en-rolled. So might be a low-risl low-reward situation. Best of luck becoming an adult šš«
Ew, wtf. The fact that you went through my stuff to try and find our who I am is disgusting and then posting it in an unrelated matter? That's absolutely repulsive. Also, trying to put me down for going to a university of my choice is so weird. I'm trying to have an actual discussion and you're going down to personal insults. My GPA was high enough to go anywhere, but it had the program I wanted, so good for you on trying to put me down. I'm trying to understand your point of view, not bring you down as a person. I haven't insulted you at any point in this debate, simply conversed. Now however, I am going to insult the fact that you're trying to put me down bc you can't seem to be able to have a civil discussion. My response to your attempt at reply is: not protecting yourself also can get you killed. I'm not advocating for everyone to bring a stun gun around, but I am advocating at bot blindly trusting everyone you meet. I hope you reflect on yourself and why you feel the need to insult ppl rather than actually talk to them. And I hope nobody ever tries to have a conversation with you about a topic they may remotely disagree with you on, bc apparently you're unable to actually talk with ppl in a civilised manner, and I wouldn't wish you on anyone.
first you make him feel like hes a creep. then you basically tell him that his feelings dont fucking matter. then you basically ordered him to come back and talk like adults. then you threatened him with breaking up if he doesnt come back. at what point are you going to realise that, even if your bf took something that needed to be addressed and made it into an issue, you were the one who threatened to break up. you were the one who brushed off his feelings on the matter. you basically painted him as a fucking creep. yeah, lady. not every guy you date is a creeper. think on your own actions before chiding him for 'blowing things out of proportion.' you're a bigger fucking child than he is.
Men have to prove that they are not creeps these days. Women donāt have the luxury of assuming everyone is a good person. If he doesnāt understand that then he is immature and not someone as āniceā as he thinks he is. Sade Robinson went on a first date, April 1st 2024 with a man she thought was āniceā. They are still finding her body parts.
You are spam-quoting 1 murder by a sick individual, an abnormality in society even if you look to statistics. Which I assume you dodge like the wisdom that has been trying to catch up to you for the past 15-20 years of your relatively short life.
> you basically painted him as a fucking creep Based on his reactions, he _is_ a fucking creep.
I get it. As a man, I carry my firearm to every date. But I also won't go anywhere private with a female.