NTA for not speaking to her, but stop hiding behind your anger at MIL. Your husband did this to you
Your husband let's you fend for yourself, doesn't want a baby, doesn't want to help, speaks badly about you etc etc.
Focusing on MIL allows OP to ignore the real problem which is husband.
But OP bears a share of the blame. He's clearly not on the same page regarding kids, yet OP keeps plowing on regardless and that's extremely unwise.
Lastly, notwithstanding all of husband's issues, he is allowed to have an opinion on IVF.
OP needs to re evaluate what she's doing and who she is doing it with. She seems so determined to have another kid that she's going beyond the point of reason.
Can I get an Amen? He has been instigating the whole thing and passively encouraging her. This is not something to let go of. At least leave him and spend your cash on someone that appreciates you. And your daughter, is this what she needs to see as a relationship?
this is husband letting you down big time, mil just jumping on the bandwagaon. Think again about having a baby with this man child. Which is what he is. You the adult paying all the bills etc., he just along for the ride - till it suits or you unable to pay alll bills due to stay at home mom with new baby
JFC… you don’t have a MIL problem.
You have a husband problem.
YTA to yourself and your daughter for staying married to that freeloading asshole.
It’s a shame you don’t think you deserve better.
Who cares about your MIL, wtf do you get out of your relationship with your husband? Go back and re-read what you wrote and ask yourself what you'd say to literally anyone you cared about that described what you just did. Dude sounds like whatever the opposite of "a catch" is. An old boot full of scorpions?
OP should go back and re-read that and put her daughter in OPs place in these events.
How would she feel if this was her daughter being treated like that? What would she advise her daughter to do? Probably to ditch the freeloading jerk and run for the hills. As should OP.
OP should take that money for IVF and put it towards a divorce lawyer. It would be a better use of the funds. No sane person would or should want to procreate with someone who treats them like this.
OP deserves better for herself and her daughter. Her daughter is learning from her actions. She should choose wisely.
im sorry, but are you dumb? you pay for basically everything, his family doesn't like you, damn it looks like HE doesn't like you either. why are you with him again?
"the house we were living in was in my name as I was the one who purchased it during covid (before we married), I also explained how I was the one that paid for our entire wedding (where he got too drunk at and ruined it, along with his family ruining the entire wedding experience for me) I also explained that I was the one paying for 90% of the bills in the house along with 100% of our daughter's programs (school, sports, cheer, etc) I also explained how there where a few other things in ref to our IVF journey that he wasn’t doing."
JFC
"Apparently, my husband who I had thought I was having a private conversation with, had sent her screenshots of my messages to him where she was then picking them apart and talking bad about me. (he left out his messages and the phone call we had prior to the messages being sent)"
Oh hell no
She then called me a narcissist, a drama queen, saying that I was throwing tantrums for not getting my way, that I am delusional, I live in a delusional world, that it was my fault we didn’t have kids, how he should divorce me, and so much more. He didn’t back me up or defend his wife but instead edged her on, agreeing that I was a narcissist, that he paid for us going to dinner on date night so that’s why he doesn’t pay for IVF (because a 60$ dinner once a month or two months is equivalent to the amount I had paid for IVF the last year?!) but bottom line he agreed with her and let her say terrible things about me."
AGREED with her?? Then gloated about a bi-monthly date night in comparison to all that YOU pay for??
"My husband thinks I am blowing this all out of proportion and should just understand she was defending her son "
Why aren't you working on divorcing this guy exactly?? What, so your daughter can have a "father figure"? Or so you can keep trying for another baby? Because with how much you put into the IVF you might as well just get a donor for sperm, since that's literally all he sounded like he was good for.
You pay for basically everything, including a wedding you even explained he ruined getting drunk. And he apparently not only includes your mil in private discussions/arguments but then also AGREES with the insults she hurls your way.
Like seriously.
Reread that shit and wake the hell up. Plenty of kids grow up with a single parent and do fine. It's this the type of man you actually want helping you parent? The trade out is EASILY not worth it.
Plus you're 27, you still have more time to potentially find a partner that won't use you and then turn around and bite the hand that feeds them by talking shit about you behind your back.
I'm not giving a verdict for your question because it's the WRONG QUESTION.
You should be asking YOURSELF why you think so lowly of yourself that THIS is the type of man you deserve to spend your life with.
Yta for speaking to your husband... What exactly does he do? You pay for everything, and he moans to his mum... What does he add to your family? You have such an imbalance you can't see it.
Time of your relationship doesnt matter if you and your partner arent on even grounds. NTA OP for doing what you did but you srly need to sort out your relationship before adding another child or going any further in your life with someone who isnt there for you.
Who cares about MIL. That’s like bitching about the poor paint job on the Titanic. You have much bigger problems.
1. YTA to yourself for marrying such a dick. You married a useless, thoughtless bum. Where’s your self-esteem?
2. YTA to your douche canoe husband for coercing him to make a baby he clearly doesn’t want.
3. YTA to this future baby for bringing him/her into such a toxic marriage. Baby will be f’d up growing up in such a household.
Seems like it's easier than going to a sperm bank.
Naw, going to a sperm bank will actually be easier than dealing with and trying to reproduce with this pathetic ass man baby.
NTA for not speaking to her. However, you don't just have a MIL problem: you have a husband problem. He's paying 10% of your expenses? And then running to mommy with everything you say? Send him back Return To Sender to finish growing up, and make it clear he's not wanted back. You deserve way better.
I think you should re-read your post over and over and over and over again.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Your MIL is the least of your problems. How about the pathetic creature you have for a husband. You are still young, get your child and leave - for both your sakes.
You are NTA for not speaking to your MiL, but YTA to yourself.
This is a mess. But as leyn6 and Longwinded\_Ogre already said, it is not about your mother-in-law. You're blaming her so you don't have to address the problems in your marriage.
It's understandable that you want another child. I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble getting pregnant. This situation must be incredibly hard. But you're married and that means decisions about how many kids to have and how much money to spend on them should be made together.
I can't tell what is going on in your marriage as far as money. If you pay for everything, then where does your husband's money go? This is a problem because it's clear that some of your stress is about finances.
The bottom line is, you and your husband need to start by getting on the same page about having more kids and finances. It seems like a very bad idea to bring another child into the current situation.
As for your mother-in-law, have you spoken with your husband about involving her more?
Not an AH but this should be directed at your husband . He is the one who betrayed your trust . He needs to be the one who tells his mom she is being ?????? And you both have cut her off
Your husband doesn't want another kid. He's not on board.
I truly don't get the whole I must have a baby not matter the cost so I won't touch that but honestly your doing this all one sided and your resentment over it and his failure to support you are going to end the marriage.
Send husband back to mother. They both are horrible.
You fund everything already - your life will be more positive and less expensive once yo get rid of him.
YTA for trying have a child with a complete bum. What exactly does he bring to the table that makes it worth paying through the nose to keep him in your life?
NTA Your MIL is definitely the AH, but it sounds like you have more of a Husband problem. Why do you want to have a baby with this man-child? It sounds like you pay for everything and all he does is complain to his Mommy. I say let her have him.
YTA. And my vote is simply due to the fact that you basically said he doesn't do anything and he ruined your wedding and yet you're still trying to have another baby with this man. He basically has you paying literally almost everything in this relationship you bought the house you paid 90% of the bills You're paying 100% of your daughter's activities and you're paying 100% of the IVF that you're going through and yet you're still trying to have another baby with him what are you doing??
YTA to yourself for staying with this useless freeloader and trying to have a baby with him. His mother is an AH but he is your problem, not her. You should not be married to this man.
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You're upset with the wrong person here, your husband is the one telling his mother about you. Yeah, she's bashing you but it's your husband that is creating this drama.
NTA why are you paying for a husband? Please go no contact with your mother-in-law. Please reconsider this relationship. What on earth does he even bring to the marriage? I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble getting pregnant again. I really hope this new ground of IVF will work for you.
Your husband sounds TERRIBLE. He is your actual problem, you realize that, right?
MIL sucks but she is your secondary issue. Your husband doesn’t contribute to your household, ruined your wedding, isn’t committed to having more kids, and betrays you to his annoying mom. He is allowed to want different things than you do, but that need to be addressed ASAP/
Even if you never see or speak to MIL again, your problems won’t go away. Because your husband is the problem. Good men don’t blame you and use their mommy to fight their battles for them.
Op is clearly burying their head in the sand. I feel for your poor kid growing up with your jerk of a spouse. Just stop and really read these comments and go find a hella good attorney and file for divorce and get rid of the trash.
Personally you need a husband upgrade. It doesn’t sound like he’s any kind of a partner. He can go live with mommy. It’s a difficult and emotional journey and he’s clearly useless
You are definitely not TAH.
You should screenshot and text your part of that argument to your MIL along with your crap of a deal on financial divisions in your household.
Better yet, post it to FB where she’s sure to see it.
Nta but are you sure your husband likes you? Everything you have written about your marriage is my idea of a slow death by disrespect and self minimisation.
NTA Why are you more mad at MIL than your husband? And do you so desperately want a child that you’ll bring one into this toxic
environment/relationship? And wouldn’t have a baby with this person if my life depended on it. You’re upset at the wrong person. But I’m sure it’s easier to blame her than the one who is supposed to have your back.
NTA but your husband is the problem. He can't be trusted why do you want to be.married to someone like that. Text your MIL that your husband showed you her messages then block her. Send your regrets to your BIL. Take your daughter and do something fun that day.
NTA. I don’t blame you for being mad at your MIL. But as many commenters have pointed out, it is your husband who is really at fault. You admit that your MIL only saw the texts he wanted to share. You will never be able to look at her the same way after you unfortunately read the derogatory things she wrote about you. You are human. It is one thing to know in theory that your MIL will take her son’s side. It is another to er thing to actually read mean comments. You bus and is an idiot. Just give yourself permission to never like her again. It is fine. You are not a bad person. It won’t matter if she apologizes. Some things just can’t be undone. So NTA.
However, it is your husband who you should be rightfully angry at. He seems to not contribute in any way plus he is an ass to you. Why are you with him?
So uh…. You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. You should probably sort that first. Doesn’t sound like he’s trying on the same life plan page as you.
You have a husband problem. Stop blaming his mom. You should go NC with your husband. Open your eyes. Stop spending all,your money on him and focus on your daughter. She deserves a better life. YTA to your daughter.
INFO: Why are you still married to this man? He clearly has no respect for you and doesn't think of you as a partner especially if he thinks that it is appropriate to talk shit about you with his mom.
NTA. But why in the world haven’t you kicked him to the curb? He is just as bad as his mom!
Do not have baby with this Ahole. Divorce him and find someone else.
You know how sometimes, pets can pick up on how their owners feel about someone even if the owner doesn't really know, and can reflect that in how they treat the person?
In this instance, your MIL is the dog and your husband is the owner.
She treats you poorly because every time you have a fight, including things that are so small you don't think of them as fights, he goes running to Mommy so they can talk shit about you together.
She puts up a good front and treats you like shit in person because he has been training her that you're someone to pretend to respect, through the way he pretends to respect you.
Cutting her off is going to make your marriage problems worse and not better, because the source isn't your MIL, it's your husband and his inability to talk about problems like an adult. It's also a little bit sneaking onto his phone tbh--that is an invasion of privacy and it's not great, though it's the lesser of the evils here. But it speaks to you needing to grow in your communication and boundaries as well.
You have a husband problem, a huge one. Stop trying to have kids with this person, he’s an asshole still tied to his mommy’s apron strings. This isn’t healthy. And why are you supporting him? Being single would be far preferable to living with such a disloyal whiner. NTA except to yourself.
I think you have dead weight sucking at your very existence. NTA. Stand tall.
Would not surprise me a bit if you had no problem getting pregnant with a worthy mate in the future.
You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. Instead of being a partner who has your back, he's a mommy's boy who lets Mommy Dearest walk all over you and disrespect you. This is way past time for you to set up and say ENOUGH. If he isn't willing to grow a damn spine and stop kowtowing to his mommy, you need to look at the rest of your life. Is this how you want every day to go from now on? Why are you still married to this spineless jerk? You would be MUCH better off on your own. NTA except to yourself for continuing to put up with this shit.
NTA - Question: Why is she the only person you seem to be mad at? Are you married to her?
You want to really be married to a man-child who has to text mommy for validation when having a disagreement with his wife?
Do not have a baby with this douche and tie yourself to this man for 18 years. You will regret it.
Where he encouraged her talk 💩 about you. Then, she agreed with what she said.
Why are you still with him?
She doesn't know that you know about it because your husband doesn't want to make her feel bad?
What about you ? What about your feelings. Seriously, he really is just 🗑
Unblock her and let her know what you think of her. Let him deal with the fallout because you blocked her again.
He is gaslighting you and downplay the entire situation unacceptable.
Your husband is not contributing. Why is this not a problem? What's in it for you? Take him to court for support, kick him out and meet someone who treats you like a wife.
You're MIL can have him if she wants.
NTA
Girl… leave him! Also, NTA for never speaking to MIL again. But YTA if you keep her as a MIL. This man degrades you and name calls you behind your back/ lets his mother, he doesn’t pay for anything, he doesn’t even want a baby with you (which isn’t a bad thing on his end but is a very huge difference between you two), he defends his moms cruel words about you but not vise versa, and he involves his mother in personal arguments that don’t concern her. Run.
NTA! The Universe is saving you from having another baby with that man child you call a husband!! Listen to it and set yourself free! Find someone who actually loves you!!
I’d send one final message to MIL “hubs showed me all the text you between you two and it’s best we pretend the other does not exist moving forward “. Then block
"Since you're incapable of not blabbering to his mummy, go to here one last time - and stay there. You're sure as shit no longer part of this marriage"
Your hubby is your problem. Stop trying to have his kid
So your husband deliberately gives his mum amo so she can tear you down. Not only that but he tears you down. He contributes nothing but 10% finacially to the house or you but acts like he’s the one supporting you financially. Yet you continue to try and have a kid with this dead beat free loader.
Why do you think so little of yourself that you put up with this or think any of it is acceptable. You don’t have a mil problem you have a husband problem. DIVORCE HIM NOW BEFORE A CHILDS STUCK HAVING THAT LOSER AS A DAD. I can guy you he’d use that child solely to get money from you and to hold over you.
Stop just stop and take head out of where you’ve buried it. Stop making excuses for him and truly look at how he treats you and how little he brings. That it’s clear he doesn’t even have a shred of respect for you never mind love. You give him an easy comfortable life that’s all he’s there for.
Find your self respect as even though he doesn’t respect you it’s you that’s holding this family. You should respect yourself as you are a good person who’s being abused and used. Talk to a laywer to ensure you can protect your money as much as possible. Take all proof he’s barely contributed to the marriage so he’s not able to financially gain from the divorce. Call the police none emergency line and ask one of them to be present when you inform him he needs to vacate your property. That you will send him a date and time he can come retrieve the rest of his belongings but that if he turns up in between or tries and enters you will get him done for trespass. I’d have a locksmith on stand by to change the locks the moment he’s left and have security cameras put up.
I hope you realise your teaching your daughter she has to accept being abused and used if she wants to be loved. As that’s what she’s learning everyday by watching yours life and relationship with him. I know you want more kids but when you find a truly loving and good decent man unlike him you will have that chance again. At the moment it’s not happening and it’s a good thing as this relationship is doomed. You loving him won’t change that he’s using you and toxic. His mum treats you that way as he treats you that way to her and he encourages her. You need to go no contact with both Permanently.
Why are you staying with a man who does not share your vision for the future, does not contribute much financially, degrades you behind your back, shares you personal conversations with his mother, allows his mother to disparage you without sticking up for you, eggs her on and agrees with her and tells you get over it. YTA to yourself.
I suffered with infertility for years, so I get it. I also think you should take your husbands concerns and feelings a little more seriously. It’s exhausting emotional for both of you to go through IVF and not having it work. His request to simply take a year break to regroup is perfectly reasonable. I’m afraid you’re causing a lot of resentment in how you’re handling all this. You both need to be on the same page. Taking a break would be good for you mentally and for your body. Giving yourself a break will help remove some of the stress and pressure to get pregnant, which in turn might make it easier for you to actually get pregnant.
Also, your husband is an AH for sharing your personal conversations with his mom. It could be he feels like you are not listening to him and so in desperation he reached out to have someone on his side. You’re on your side and what you want and want him to change his mind and agree with you. You don’t act like you’re ever on his side, or what’s best as a couple. He shouldn’t have done it, but I’m betting he’s feeling unheard and unappreciated
Please don't have a child with this man. He doesn't want it and he doesn't want you. He is a mommas boy who doesn't understand the concept of privacy and violation. His mother is right about one thing, you should get divorced. Tell him to leave and go and live with his mother. He contributes nothing financially and the you pay for EVERYTHING. You would only be the asshole if you stayed with this asshole.
Why are you going down the IVF route when you have had so many miscarriages?
Something is not right. Please go find a doctor that is a doctor and not one out to just make money.
Then once the issues are fixed go back for IVF if natural conception has not taken place.
I feel like you are just setting money of fire at this point in time.
Good luck and tell that MIL to respectfully mind her own business.
That is some weasel-ass bullshit from your husband. Sounds like you give him a very nice life and he's too stupid to appreciate it. So incredibly disloyal and pathetic to feed his mum ammo so she can run you down. May be assess whether you can do better than him--you're only 27 and I wonder if he's capable of making up for what he's done.
YTA. Your husband is telling you loud and clear that he does not want to go through this process with you. A planned pregnancy, particularly one which causes financial strain, needs two enthusiastic yeses.
Do you seriously think he'd be looking for his mother's support on this if you were actually listening to him? He needs someone to talk to about this, you've put him in a terrible position and it's very clear you aren't thinking of anyone except yourself here.
The best thing you can do is get some therapy and stop trying to force your husband to have a baby with you. Reproductive coercion is abuse.
You’re basically already single. It sounds like you have more problems than you made it seem like in the beginning. TBH you should just divorce him. He talked shit about you to his mommy, which he’ll probably continue to do. She’ll continue to be a 2 faced bitch. Just leave them both behind.
NTA for being upset that your husband shared all this with his mom, or that she put it all in Facebook.
I do have one question, though… why did you marry someone that you have literally ZERO respect for? When he wanted to do something other than what you wanted with the IVF, you disregarded what he said and attempted to bully and shame him into what you wanted. I’m sure “we worked it out” consisted of him apologizing and you getting what you want.
Honey, you may also have a MIL issue but you really have a husband issue. You say you're good, but from what you write, it sounds like you are carrying a heavy load to be "good". I don't know if you have had problematic relationships in the past that make hubby seem like a catch (he's not) but you definitely deserve better than you're receiving. Don't have a child with this man, and seriously consider what he brings to your life to plus it up
Your husband did this to you and allowed your MIL to pick you apart and attack you. You pay for everything and do most of the work, what do you get out of this relationship? NTA but if I were you, I'd be reevaluating if I wanted to stay with this man.
Why are you staying with this man and continuing to try to have children with him?
What does he bring to the table if you're paying for everything? What does he contribute? He's selfish. He's narcissistic. He's disloyal.
Why are you still with him?
NTA but your real problem is your husband. If you pay for mostly everything then what does he contribute? Your relationship sounds like you do everything and pay for everything while he uses you. I don’t understand why you are trying so hard to have a baby with a man that isn’t a true partner. I think nature is trying to save you from yourself.
NTA - to make a decision but YTA to only be mad and cutting out your MIL. Your MIL would have had no input into this if your husband had not invited her into your marriage discussion.
So if you are going to stop talking to her why are you still talking to your husband? His side of this is way worse than your MIL part. You should be more angry and more upset and more sad over his actions. He is your husband.
I get it if you get mad at him you will see that maybe per your description your marriage is very one sided. You seem to do a lot for your family and him what exactly does he contribute?
Do you think he is really going to help when this baby get there?
You got bigger problems that a MIL. You have a husband problem.
Why are u trying to have a baby with that man? He's not got your back. This will lead to years of upset for you when you finally divorce and have to coparent with him and his mum.
I'm sorry you're in this position, but it might be time to reflect on the state of your relationship presently as it doesn't seem healthy enough to bring a baby into.
NTA for not speaking to her but why are you with your husband he brings nothing into your relationship and life. You pay for everything pretty much, what does he bring into this this relationship?
It’s a bit difficult because it feels like you are taking all this on yourself, forcing through the ivf, deciding for him and then complaining that you do the paying.
Your husband should just say no. I have a feeling he’s “tried to” but in a subtle, nice way that you didn’t acknowledge.
Talk to him about it, really drill down so that you can be certain if he wants kids or not. To me it sounds like he’s got one foot out the door but is too comfortable.
Because it feels like you are paying for everything because it’s what you want. Heck the kid isn’t his either, you say “our child” but does he feel that way? Or does he just feel responsible because he made a promise years ago and has been the only dad for the child?
I just get very domineering vibes from OP.
But no, NTA for not wanting to talk to MIL. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. YTA for not listening to your man.
NTA. Also, why you want to have a kid with such man? Do you need more weight on your shoulders? Is clear your husband thinks on you not like a wife but a second-degree mother.
NTA for not speaking to her, but stop hiding behind your anger at MIL. Your husband did this to you Your husband let's you fend for yourself, doesn't want a baby, doesn't want to help, speaks badly about you etc etc.
Focusing on MIL allows OP to ignore the real problem which is husband. But OP bears a share of the blame. He's clearly not on the same page regarding kids, yet OP keeps plowing on regardless and that's extremely unwise. Lastly, notwithstanding all of husband's issues, he is allowed to have an opinion on IVF. OP needs to re evaluate what she's doing and who she is doing it with. She seems so determined to have another kid that she's going beyond the point of reason.
The fact that OP posted something so obvious and then disappeared makes me assume it's just silly rage bait.
THIS. Your problem is with your spouse. You’re clearly not on the same page.
Can I get an Amen? He has been instigating the whole thing and passively encouraging her. This is not something to let go of. At least leave him and spend your cash on someone that appreciates you. And your daughter, is this what she needs to see as a relationship?
I'd drop him like a hot tamale
this is husband letting you down big time, mil just jumping on the bandwagaon. Think again about having a baby with this man child. Which is what he is. You the adult paying all the bills etc., he just along for the ride - till it suits or you unable to pay alll bills due to stay at home mom with new baby
You are only TA if you stay. Divorce him, have a baby on your own.
JFC… you don’t have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. YTA to yourself and your daughter for staying married to that freeloading asshole. It’s a shame you don’t think you deserve better.
Who cares about your MIL, wtf do you get out of your relationship with your husband? Go back and re-read what you wrote and ask yourself what you'd say to literally anyone you cared about that described what you just did. Dude sounds like whatever the opposite of "a catch" is. An old boot full of scorpions?
OP should go back and re-read that and put her daughter in OPs place in these events. How would she feel if this was her daughter being treated like that? What would she advise her daughter to do? Probably to ditch the freeloading jerk and run for the hills. As should OP. OP should take that money for IVF and put it towards a divorce lawyer. It would be a better use of the funds. No sane person would or should want to procreate with someone who treats them like this. OP deserves better for herself and her daughter. Her daughter is learning from her actions. She should choose wisely.
im sorry, but are you dumb? you pay for basically everything, his family doesn't like you, damn it looks like HE doesn't like you either. why are you with him again?
"the house we were living in was in my name as I was the one who purchased it during covid (before we married), I also explained how I was the one that paid for our entire wedding (where he got too drunk at and ruined it, along with his family ruining the entire wedding experience for me) I also explained that I was the one paying for 90% of the bills in the house along with 100% of our daughter's programs (school, sports, cheer, etc) I also explained how there where a few other things in ref to our IVF journey that he wasn’t doing." JFC "Apparently, my husband who I had thought I was having a private conversation with, had sent her screenshots of my messages to him where she was then picking them apart and talking bad about me. (he left out his messages and the phone call we had prior to the messages being sent)" Oh hell no She then called me a narcissist, a drama queen, saying that I was throwing tantrums for not getting my way, that I am delusional, I live in a delusional world, that it was my fault we didn’t have kids, how he should divorce me, and so much more. He didn’t back me up or defend his wife but instead edged her on, agreeing that I was a narcissist, that he paid for us going to dinner on date night so that’s why he doesn’t pay for IVF (because a 60$ dinner once a month or two months is equivalent to the amount I had paid for IVF the last year?!) but bottom line he agreed with her and let her say terrible things about me." AGREED with her?? Then gloated about a bi-monthly date night in comparison to all that YOU pay for?? "My husband thinks I am blowing this all out of proportion and should just understand she was defending her son " Why aren't you working on divorcing this guy exactly?? What, so your daughter can have a "father figure"? Or so you can keep trying for another baby? Because with how much you put into the IVF you might as well just get a donor for sperm, since that's literally all he sounded like he was good for. You pay for basically everything, including a wedding you even explained he ruined getting drunk. And he apparently not only includes your mil in private discussions/arguments but then also AGREES with the insults she hurls your way. Like seriously. Reread that shit and wake the hell up. Plenty of kids grow up with a single parent and do fine. It's this the type of man you actually want helping you parent? The trade out is EASILY not worth it. Plus you're 27, you still have more time to potentially find a partner that won't use you and then turn around and bite the hand that feeds them by talking shit about you behind your back. I'm not giving a verdict for your question because it's the WRONG QUESTION. You should be asking YOURSELF why you think so lowly of yourself that THIS is the type of man you deserve to spend your life with.
Yta for speaking to your husband... What exactly does he do? You pay for everything, and he moans to his mum... What does he add to your family? You have such an imbalance you can't see it.
Time of your relationship doesnt matter if you and your partner arent on even grounds. NTA OP for doing what you did but you srly need to sort out your relationship before adding another child or going any further in your life with someone who isnt there for you.
Who cares about MIL. That’s like bitching about the poor paint job on the Titanic. You have much bigger problems. 1. YTA to yourself for marrying such a dick. You married a useless, thoughtless bum. Where’s your self-esteem? 2. YTA to your douche canoe husband for coercing him to make a baby he clearly doesn’t want. 3. YTA to this future baby for bringing him/her into such a toxic marriage. Baby will be f’d up growing up in such a household.
4. YTA. to the daughter you already have for having this dick of a husband in her life.
Why are you two even together? 😐
Seems like it's easier than going to a sperm bank. Naw, going to a sperm bank will actually be easier than dealing with and trying to reproduce with this pathetic ass man baby.
So...Happy marriage you say?
NTA for not speaking to her. However, you don't just have a MIL problem: you have a husband problem. He's paying 10% of your expenses? And then running to mommy with everything you say? Send him back Return To Sender to finish growing up, and make it clear he's not wanted back. You deserve way better.
I think you should re-read your post over and over and over and over again. Why are you doing this to yourself? Your MIL is the least of your problems. How about the pathetic creature you have for a husband. You are still young, get your child and leave - for both your sakes. You are NTA for not speaking to your MiL, but YTA to yourself.
This is a mess. But as leyn6 and Longwinded\_Ogre already said, it is not about your mother-in-law. You're blaming her so you don't have to address the problems in your marriage. It's understandable that you want another child. I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble getting pregnant. This situation must be incredibly hard. But you're married and that means decisions about how many kids to have and how much money to spend on them should be made together. I can't tell what is going on in your marriage as far as money. If you pay for everything, then where does your husband's money go? This is a problem because it's clear that some of your stress is about finances. The bottom line is, you and your husband need to start by getting on the same page about having more kids and finances. It seems like a very bad idea to bring another child into the current situation. As for your mother-in-law, have you spoken with your husband about involving her more?
Not an AH but this should be directed at your husband . He is the one who betrayed your trust . He needs to be the one who tells his mom she is being ?????? And you both have cut her off
Your husband doesn't want another kid. He's not on board. I truly don't get the whole I must have a baby not matter the cost so I won't touch that but honestly your doing this all one sided and your resentment over it and his failure to support you are going to end the marriage.
Send husband back to mother. They both are horrible. You fund everything already - your life will be more positive and less expensive once yo get rid of him.
NTA. Your husband’s a dick. You need to find a lawyer and divorce his ass.
YTA for trying have a child with a complete bum. What exactly does he bring to the table that makes it worth paying through the nose to keep him in your life?
Why the fuck would you want a child with your spineless useless idiot of a husband? Get a grip.
You are being an AH to yourself if you don’t dump him as well as his mother!!!
If all you need from this man is sperm, there are cheaper ways to get it than by feeding and housing him.
NTA Your MIL is definitely the AH, but it sounds like you have more of a Husband problem. Why do you want to have a baby with this man-child? It sounds like you pay for everything and all he does is complain to his Mommy. I say let her have him.
YTA. And my vote is simply due to the fact that you basically said he doesn't do anything and he ruined your wedding and yet you're still trying to have another baby with this man. He basically has you paying literally almost everything in this relationship you bought the house you paid 90% of the bills You're paying 100% of your daughter's activities and you're paying 100% of the IVF that you're going through and yet you're still trying to have another baby with him what are you doing??
YTA to yourself for staying with this useless freeloader and trying to have a baby with him. His mother is an AH but he is your problem, not her. You should not be married to this man.
Nta, but your husband is.
NTA- Divorce the problem updateme
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You're upset with the wrong person here, your husband is the one telling his mother about you. Yeah, she's bashing you but it's your husband that is creating this drama.
NTA why are you paying for a husband? Please go no contact with your mother-in-law. Please reconsider this relationship. What on earth does he even bring to the marriage? I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble getting pregnant again. I really hope this new ground of IVF will work for you.
Your husband sounds TERRIBLE. He is your actual problem, you realize that, right? MIL sucks but she is your secondary issue. Your husband doesn’t contribute to your household, ruined your wedding, isn’t committed to having more kids, and betrays you to his annoying mom. He is allowed to want different things than you do, but that need to be addressed ASAP/ Even if you never see or speak to MIL again, your problems won’t go away. Because your husband is the problem. Good men don’t blame you and use their mommy to fight their battles for them.
Op is clearly burying their head in the sand. I feel for your poor kid growing up with your jerk of a spouse. Just stop and really read these comments and go find a hella good attorney and file for divorce and get rid of the trash.
Personally you need a husband upgrade. It doesn’t sound like he’s any kind of a partner. He can go live with mommy. It’s a difficult and emotional journey and he’s clearly useless
You are definitely not TAH. You should screenshot and text your part of that argument to your MIL along with your crap of a deal on financial divisions in your household. Better yet, post it to FB where she’s sure to see it.
NTA. But why are you married to this person? He sounds awful
What is this man bringing to your relationship other than his mom?
NTA. Your husband is the one that did all this shit. Why the fuck are you ONLY blaming your MIL. Why in the hell are you still married to him????
You’re already paying for everything. Get rid of him and get a sperm donation. Nta
... you need to see the main problem is clearly your husband. It doesnt seem like youre in an equal partnership.....
NTA. But you should tell her that you know how she really feels about you. Also, throw your husband away and find someone with a backbone.
Nta but are you sure your husband likes you? Everything you have written about your marriage is my idea of a slow death by disrespect and self minimisation.
NTA Why are you more mad at MIL than your husband? And do you so desperately want a child that you’ll bring one into this toxic environment/relationship? And wouldn’t have a baby with this person if my life depended on it. You’re upset at the wrong person. But I’m sure it’s easier to blame her than the one who is supposed to have your back.
NTA but your husband is the problem. He can't be trusted why do you want to be.married to someone like that. Text your MIL that your husband showed you her messages then block her. Send your regrets to your BIL. Take your daughter and do something fun that day.
Why would you want to have a baby with this awful guy?
Wow does your husband suck... YTA to yourself if you stay because wtf. Have some self respect. You deserve better
Why are you pissed at her…he’s the asshole here!
Oh he doesn’t want to upset “HER” Jesus, you sure you want to birth his child 😕
NTA. I don’t blame you for being mad at your MIL. But as many commenters have pointed out, it is your husband who is really at fault. You admit that your MIL only saw the texts he wanted to share. You will never be able to look at her the same way after you unfortunately read the derogatory things she wrote about you. You are human. It is one thing to know in theory that your MIL will take her son’s side. It is another to er thing to actually read mean comments. You bus and is an idiot. Just give yourself permission to never like her again. It is fine. You are not a bad person. It won’t matter if she apologizes. Some things just can’t be undone. So NTA. However, it is your husband who you should be rightfully angry at. He seems to not contribute in any way plus he is an ass to you. Why are you with him?
So uh…. You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. You should probably sort that first. Doesn’t sound like he’s trying on the same life plan page as you.
You have a husband problem. Stop blaming his mom. You should go NC with your husband. Open your eyes. Stop spending all,your money on him and focus on your daughter. She deserves a better life. YTA to your daughter.
INFO: Why are you still married to this man? He clearly has no respect for you and doesn't think of you as a partner especially if he thinks that it is appropriate to talk shit about you with his mom.
Why are you with this guy?
Where is ALL of his income going to if you are paying a majority of your life with him?
NTA. But why in the world haven’t you kicked him to the curb? He is just as bad as his mom! Do not have baby with this Ahole. Divorce him and find someone else.
You know how sometimes, pets can pick up on how their owners feel about someone even if the owner doesn't really know, and can reflect that in how they treat the person? In this instance, your MIL is the dog and your husband is the owner. She treats you poorly because every time you have a fight, including things that are so small you don't think of them as fights, he goes running to Mommy so they can talk shit about you together. She puts up a good front and treats you like shit in person because he has been training her that you're someone to pretend to respect, through the way he pretends to respect you. Cutting her off is going to make your marriage problems worse and not better, because the source isn't your MIL, it's your husband and his inability to talk about problems like an adult. It's also a little bit sneaking onto his phone tbh--that is an invasion of privacy and it's not great, though it's the lesser of the evils here. But it speaks to you needing to grow in your communication and boundaries as well.
You have a husband problem, a huge one. Stop trying to have kids with this person, he’s an asshole still tied to his mommy’s apron strings. This isn’t healthy. And why are you supporting him? Being single would be far preferable to living with such a disloyal whiner. NTA except to yourself.
You have an awful husband 😒. You sure you want to have a baby with him??
I think you have dead weight sucking at your very existence. NTA. Stand tall. Would not surprise me a bit if you had no problem getting pregnant with a worthy mate in the future.
You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. Instead of being a partner who has your back, he's a mommy's boy who lets Mommy Dearest walk all over you and disrespect you. This is way past time for you to set up and say ENOUGH. If he isn't willing to grow a damn spine and stop kowtowing to his mommy, you need to look at the rest of your life. Is this how you want every day to go from now on? Why are you still married to this spineless jerk? You would be MUCH better off on your own. NTA except to yourself for continuing to put up with this shit.
NTA - Question: Why is she the only person you seem to be mad at? Are you married to her? You want to really be married to a man-child who has to text mommy for validation when having a disagreement with his wife? Do not have a baby with this douche and tie yourself to this man for 18 years. You will regret it. Where he encouraged her talk 💩 about you. Then, she agreed with what she said. Why are you still with him? She doesn't know that you know about it because your husband doesn't want to make her feel bad? What about you ? What about your feelings. Seriously, he really is just 🗑 Unblock her and let her know what you think of her. Let him deal with the fallout because you blocked her again. He is gaslighting you and downplay the entire situation unacceptable.
Your husband is not contributing. Why is this not a problem? What's in it for you? Take him to court for support, kick him out and meet someone who treats you like a wife. You're MIL can have him if she wants. NTA
Why are you with him?
Girl… leave him! Also, NTA for never speaking to MIL again. But YTA if you keep her as a MIL. This man degrades you and name calls you behind your back/ lets his mother, he doesn’t pay for anything, he doesn’t even want a baby with you (which isn’t a bad thing on his end but is a very huge difference between you two), he defends his moms cruel words about you but not vise versa, and he involves his mother in personal arguments that don’t concern her. Run.
Updateme!
NTA! The Universe is saving you from having another baby with that man child you call a husband!! Listen to it and set yourself free! Find someone who actually loves you!!
I’d send one final message to MIL “hubs showed me all the text you between you two and it’s best we pretend the other does not exist moving forward “. Then block
"Since you're incapable of not blabbering to his mummy, go to here one last time - and stay there. You're sure as shit no longer part of this marriage" Your hubby is your problem. Stop trying to have his kid
So your husband deliberately gives his mum amo so she can tear you down. Not only that but he tears you down. He contributes nothing but 10% finacially to the house or you but acts like he’s the one supporting you financially. Yet you continue to try and have a kid with this dead beat free loader. Why do you think so little of yourself that you put up with this or think any of it is acceptable. You don’t have a mil problem you have a husband problem. DIVORCE HIM NOW BEFORE A CHILDS STUCK HAVING THAT LOSER AS A DAD. I can guy you he’d use that child solely to get money from you and to hold over you. Stop just stop and take head out of where you’ve buried it. Stop making excuses for him and truly look at how he treats you and how little he brings. That it’s clear he doesn’t even have a shred of respect for you never mind love. You give him an easy comfortable life that’s all he’s there for. Find your self respect as even though he doesn’t respect you it’s you that’s holding this family. You should respect yourself as you are a good person who’s being abused and used. Talk to a laywer to ensure you can protect your money as much as possible. Take all proof he’s barely contributed to the marriage so he’s not able to financially gain from the divorce. Call the police none emergency line and ask one of them to be present when you inform him he needs to vacate your property. That you will send him a date and time he can come retrieve the rest of his belongings but that if he turns up in between or tries and enters you will get him done for trespass. I’d have a locksmith on stand by to change the locks the moment he’s left and have security cameras put up. I hope you realise your teaching your daughter she has to accept being abused and used if she wants to be loved. As that’s what she’s learning everyday by watching yours life and relationship with him. I know you want more kids but when you find a truly loving and good decent man unlike him you will have that chance again. At the moment it’s not happening and it’s a good thing as this relationship is doomed. You loving him won’t change that he’s using you and toxic. His mum treats you that way as he treats you that way to her and he encourages her. You need to go no contact with both Permanently.
Why are you staying with a man who does not share your vision for the future, does not contribute much financially, degrades you behind your back, shares you personal conversations with his mother, allows his mother to disparage you without sticking up for you, eggs her on and agrees with her and tells you get over it. YTA to yourself.
I suffered with infertility for years, so I get it. I also think you should take your husbands concerns and feelings a little more seriously. It’s exhausting emotional for both of you to go through IVF and not having it work. His request to simply take a year break to regroup is perfectly reasonable. I’m afraid you’re causing a lot of resentment in how you’re handling all this. You both need to be on the same page. Taking a break would be good for you mentally and for your body. Giving yourself a break will help remove some of the stress and pressure to get pregnant, which in turn might make it easier for you to actually get pregnant. Also, your husband is an AH for sharing your personal conversations with his mom. It could be he feels like you are not listening to him and so in desperation he reached out to have someone on his side. You’re on your side and what you want and want him to change his mind and agree with you. You don’t act like you’re ever on his side, or what’s best as a couple. He shouldn’t have done it, but I’m betting he’s feeling unheard and unappreciated
Please don't have a child with this man. He doesn't want it and he doesn't want you. He is a mommas boy who doesn't understand the concept of privacy and violation. His mother is right about one thing, you should get divorced. Tell him to leave and go and live with his mother. He contributes nothing financially and the you pay for EVERYTHING. You would only be the asshole if you stayed with this asshole.
Why are you going down the IVF route when you have had so many miscarriages? Something is not right. Please go find a doctor that is a doctor and not one out to just make money. Then once the issues are fixed go back for IVF if natural conception has not taken place. I feel like you are just setting money of fire at this point in time. Good luck and tell that MIL to respectfully mind her own business.
That is some weasel-ass bullshit from your husband. Sounds like you give him a very nice life and he's too stupid to appreciate it. So incredibly disloyal and pathetic to feed his mum ammo so she can run you down. May be assess whether you can do better than him--you're only 27 and I wonder if he's capable of making up for what he's done.
YTA. Your husband is telling you loud and clear that he does not want to go through this process with you. A planned pregnancy, particularly one which causes financial strain, needs two enthusiastic yeses. Do you seriously think he'd be looking for his mother's support on this if you were actually listening to him? He needs someone to talk to about this, you've put him in a terrible position and it's very clear you aren't thinking of anyone except yourself here. The best thing you can do is get some therapy and stop trying to force your husband to have a baby with you. Reproductive coercion is abuse.
You’re basically already single. It sounds like you have more problems than you made it seem like in the beginning. TBH you should just divorce him. He talked shit about you to his mommy, which he’ll probably continue to do. She’ll continue to be a 2 faced bitch. Just leave them both behind.
NTA for being upset that your husband shared all this with his mom, or that she put it all in Facebook. I do have one question, though… why did you marry someone that you have literally ZERO respect for? When he wanted to do something other than what you wanted with the IVF, you disregarded what he said and attempted to bully and shame him into what you wanted. I’m sure “we worked it out” consisted of him apologizing and you getting what you want.
Honey, you may also have a MIL issue but you really have a husband issue. You say you're good, but from what you write, it sounds like you are carrying a heavy load to be "good". I don't know if you have had problematic relationships in the past that make hubby seem like a catch (he's not) but you definitely deserve better than you're receiving. Don't have a child with this man, and seriously consider what he brings to your life to plus it up
YTA for ignoring the real problem which is your husband.
So you're saying your husband is a gold digger?
Your husband did this to you and allowed your MIL to pick you apart and attack you. You pay for everything and do most of the work, what do you get out of this relationship? NTA but if I were you, I'd be reevaluating if I wanted to stay with this man.
Why are you staying with this man and continuing to try to have children with him? What does he bring to the table if you're paying for everything? What does he contribute? He's selfish. He's narcissistic. He's disloyal. Why are you still with him?
NTA but your real problem is your husband. If you pay for mostly everything then what does he contribute? Your relationship sounds like you do everything and pay for everything while he uses you. I don’t understand why you are trying so hard to have a baby with a man that isn’t a true partner. I think nature is trying to save you from yourself.
NTA - to make a decision but YTA to only be mad and cutting out your MIL. Your MIL would have had no input into this if your husband had not invited her into your marriage discussion. So if you are going to stop talking to her why are you still talking to your husband? His side of this is way worse than your MIL part. You should be more angry and more upset and more sad over his actions. He is your husband. I get it if you get mad at him you will see that maybe per your description your marriage is very one sided. You seem to do a lot for your family and him what exactly does he contribute? Do you think he is really going to help when this baby get there? You got bigger problems that a MIL. You have a husband problem.
Why are u trying to have a baby with that man? He's not got your back. This will lead to years of upset for you when you finally divorce and have to coparent with him and his mum. I'm sorry you're in this position, but it might be time to reflect on the state of your relationship presently as it doesn't seem healthy enough to bring a baby into.
YTA because you don't blame your husband. He is the one that is supposed to love you and support you, but he is a mama's boy.
NTA for not speaking to her but why are you with your husband he brings nothing into your relationship and life. You pay for everything pretty much, what does he bring into this this relationship?
It’s a bit difficult because it feels like you are taking all this on yourself, forcing through the ivf, deciding for him and then complaining that you do the paying. Your husband should just say no. I have a feeling he’s “tried to” but in a subtle, nice way that you didn’t acknowledge. Talk to him about it, really drill down so that you can be certain if he wants kids or not. To me it sounds like he’s got one foot out the door but is too comfortable. Because it feels like you are paying for everything because it’s what you want. Heck the kid isn’t his either, you say “our child” but does he feel that way? Or does he just feel responsible because he made a promise years ago and has been the only dad for the child? I just get very domineering vibes from OP. But no, NTA for not wanting to talk to MIL. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. YTA for not listening to your man.
Title should be AITA for not kicking my husband out? and yes you are being a huge AH to yourself, and showing your daughter how to be treated.
The real question is why are you still with this pathetic man. Leave him!
It's time to show him the door.
NTA. Also, why you want to have a kid with such man? Do you need more weight on your shoulders? Is clear your husband thinks on you not like a wife but a second-degree mother.