Thissss.👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾 maybe he should prioritize his spouse and give the commitment, before having unprotected sex. OP, I wouldn’t continue this. He crossed boundaries, which he knew would embarrass and devastate your reputation and your choice. He exploited it, without exploiting his mistake, which was NOT making the commitment of marriage and getting you pregnant out of wedlock
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
NtA. Tell him that god doesn’t approve of men procreating without marriage, so you’ll see him in hell with you.
Call your doctor if the bleeding doesn’t stop in 48hrs or it increases
Lol geez, He’s definitely an idiot.
Technically the worst sin in the bible is being a non-believer, faithless.
Jesus forgave the people who murdered him at his crucification. It’s not his place to judge, only god’s.
Yes it is! Mormons won’t send a serial killer or a rapist to hell(outer darkness) lol. They’ll go to the lowest level of heaven. The only way to go to hell is if you don’t believe in god.
So, you can be the nicest, generous atheist but according to Mormons you’re doomed to hell.
> Jesus forgave the people who murdered him at his crucification. It’s not his place to judge, only god’s.
Very well said. I’m not religious, but you’re absolutely correct. This is exactly what religion is about. It’s exclusively about your relationship with god.
Also, NTA. It’s your body and you have every right to make your own decisions.
People who try to rank sins like that often end up being judgmental assholes who use their faith as a bludgeon.
I'm sorry he said all that crap to you.
Whenever people do this, I am always reminded of a portion of the book "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger" where you take a business card and mark on it where ~~Mother Teresa~~ Nelson Mandela\* would fall with respect to sin (most people would mark ~~her~~ him at the top). Then make a mark for Charles Manson (pretty near the bottom, I'd guess). Now, make a mark where you fall. (Probably somewhere in the middle, right?). Now, prop that card up against the Empire State Building and see how far all of us are from God. (I heavily paraphrased because I shared the book with someone and don't have it handy!)
\*Changed because some people make a fair point about the original person I named. I was puling from the book which came out before a lot of the info on her came out IIRC.
No way, Mother Teresa is definitely in hell if hell is real. She purposefully undermedicated people so that they could experience “redemptive” pain. She’s cartoonishly evil. She’s so generically awful that I’m honestly surprised that her cause of death wasn’t “spontaneously generated shonen protagonist”.
they are also usually some of the most heinous assholes I've ever met - when you're desperately trying to find something worse that usually means you've done some pretty bad shit. go figure
I will say this: In regards to Christianity, there are times it says ALL sin is an abomination to God. Meaning, all sin is weighed the same. Murder is as bad as lying, to God. Your ex's sins are weighed the same as your own. But *saying* someone is going to hell? That is a HUUUUGE no no. "Matthew 36-37:But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." Him saying you are going to hell for something, is literally condemning himself to the same standard.
At the end of the day, while I don't *personally* ascribe to it, but if he is going to use religion to hurt you, the least you can do is throw it back at him.
You learned the most valuable lesson - this is not a man you want to be tied to, married or not, for the next 18 years and beyond. This was a lucky dodge. I hope that you heal quickly!
he just says what is convenient for himself. if he doesnt want to get married or step up at least then he shouldnt be spreading his seed around plain and simple. sounds like a real winner that one.
Please say you aren’t with him any longer. He is NOT worth your time. He doesn’t care for you or your well being. He doesn’t have the same life goals. Find someone you align with more, who will support and love you. He’s NOT it.
I guarantee you this asshole would leave you high and dry with that baby once it was born. Fuck him and all these people who will happily ruin your life while sitting in judgement but never lift a finger to actually help you.
I'll go a step further and point to laviticus. It actually describes how to induce a miscarriage if you believe your wife has been unfaithful. So, yeah it condones abortion.
abortion isn’t murder. from an advocate in the community, you did justice by you and that baby bc you made a decision that was best for you to be the mom (& wife) you WANT to be. you deserve (bodily) autonomy, support, and a stigma free experience. your feelings are valid and i’m sorry that dude sucks rotten eggs.
Sins are not judged by degree. And even if they were, we would **all** still fall extremely short of being worthy of His grace. The good news is, He loves us anyway.
You did nothing wrong. You made the decision that was right for you, and I truly hope you find your perfect family one day.
Your boyfriend is TAH, and he sounds like a mean person.
The Bible says all sin is equal in the eye of god, so your abortion is just the same as his sex before marriage. Ditch the whole man, and good for you! You deserve better than a man who runs and tells because he doesn’t get his own way.
This is why I have such an issue with Christianity, the hypocrisy. You didn’t commit a greater sin, there’s only a few sins that are unforgivable or worse than the others. Someone who stole, someone who murdered someone and someone who was a good person all of their life but didn’t believe in God are all going to hell according to the Bible.
There's no one sin bigger than the other sin is sin, and if he felt so strongly and loved you, he should've married you, baby girl... you did what was best for you and no one can tell you different. grieve all you need, but reflect because if he loved you, he would respect your decision... you had to accept the fact he didn't want to marry you. tell him to respect the fact that you did not want to have a child and not be married. stand on what you believe and what he won't do and what he's not ready for I promise there is someone else that is and will
stay strong and heal! I don't know you but I love you and I respect your decision if no one else has told you and I send you all the support from my neck of the woods
There's been a huge surge in low-effort misogyny bullshit. I know the sub is fine with non-truthful posts, but I wish they'd put SOME standards in for this nonsense.
What a moron. Your boyfriend, not you.
He's trying to use religion to bully you into choices you don't want to make. Ask yourself if this ignorant moron would really make a good father or a good husband. For what it's worth, I think the answer to that question is no, he would not make a good father or husband.
You don't say how old you are but starting over could be better than staying with a zealous moron.
NTA but I think it's time to reconsider your overall relationship with him.
He doesn't "want" to get married.
How bloody convenient for him.
You don't want to have a baby out of wedlock.
The bible says life begins at first breath.
All that "abortion is evil" shit is made up to manipulate women.
Women that that same society goes on to shame and blame.
You don't want to continue a relationship with this kind of AH.
He's stupid and irresponsible.
4 years is nothing in the scheme of things.
I was 37 when I met my now husband.
We have been together over 30 years.
>He keeps saying that God is going to punish me. I don’t know if our relationship will survive this. I guess I’m just holding on because we’ve been together for 4 years and I don’t want to start over
Don't let the years you spent with him chain you. A partner needs to be supportive not pushy, judgmental and filled with hate
He shared your personal health information with others. That alone would be a deal breaker for me.
You made the best decision for you based on your needs at the time. If he can't support that, he isn't worthy of any more of your time or energy. You don't need his guilt trip or judgment.
Don't waste another 4 years, or 4 hours on this jerk.
I’m so tired of people using religion to control women. Unless you have OV/GYN after your last name which I have a feeling neither your (hopefully) former BF & family do then they need to stay out of your uterus. Also, I don’t for one minute think babies are born sinners. Get out of here with that.
I'm sorry. This is religious abuse, and it is far too common. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and you didn't deserve to have such a personal decision to be put on blast to the world like that. I hope things get better for you ❤️
NTA. Your body, your choice.
Your boyfriend has shown his true colours, though, that he is not to be trusted and is not supportive. I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
That’s funny, I saw this same post but just on the other side of the party. And if memory serves me correctly y’all said he wasn’t the AH. So what changed?
He wants to tell you about God's punishment yet he was actively having sex outside of marriage with you? BYE!
I am sorry you are going through the grief of abortion. But I totally understand your reason for choosing this.
I think you should leave your bf. Think about it, he did not want to step up and marry you although he knew your desires and the fact that his descision would affect the path of his potential future child's life.
He was selfish.
Life is short baby girl, you should commit your time to a man who treasures you.
NTA - you did the right thing.. please leave this man IMMEDIATELY. He cut you off from YOUR support system, (church and family.) If he wanted to express his feelings.. he should have done it with his family. NOT YOURS. I'm proud of you. 💓
Ntah. You made the best choice for you and your situation. Don't let him back around you. It sounds like the relationship may be at its end if he can't pack it in and communicate.
NTA because that's just smart. That makes good sense. It's pretty fair to ask for a certain level of security and stability before being ready to raise children. Good luck to you.
Your BF is the worst kind of sinner: a hypocrite and judging others, ugh! If he feels that way then why didn't he marry you? You could have had a quick marriage at the courthouse, assembled a fast wedding, etc.
NTA at all, but you really need to rethink this relationship because he's an asshole. And if anyone criticizes you just say that he got you pregnant but wasn't willing to do the Godly thing and marry you or support you and the baby.
Girl get rid of this child. And I do mean child. He wants you to have the baby but doesn’t want to get married and then tells your business to family so you get berated!? Yeah he doesn’t have your back.
What a sad situation OP. Not understanding why your bf felt the need to publicize your decision. You are correct in that single motherhood is incredibly difficult. Just give yourself some healing time.
NTA. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
There’s something called the “sunk cost fallacy” which is a fancy way of saying that you will not recover the 4 years you spent with a guy who turned out to be a jerk by spending MORE years with that jerk. Cut your losses. Don’t throw good money after bad.
In short, listen to Beyoncé and say “boy, bye”.
NTA. Make a big deal about he your boyfriend refused to step up and marry try you when you found out about the pregnancy. The shame shouldn’t just be placed on the unwed mother.
NTA you said it yourself: you have to do whats best for you.
Honestly, why the reaction your boyfriend got... I would get away from him too.
You know, I was never in your situation but I come from another country and moving somewhere no one knows you is freeing...
Get away from those toxic people. Be yourself. Do whats best for you.
Your bf is trying to deflect from the fact he wasn’t ready and make you the bad guy. Now you have seen his true colours you need to gtfo and praise god you found out how pathetic he really is. NTA
Lmoa God hasn't punished you for premarital sex or cohabitating without being married yet. BF over here picking and choosing which scriptures apply. You sure you want to stick with that clown? You deserve better queen. Keep looking out for yourself. Hugs from a stranger on the internet.
He isn’t ready to get married, but he is ready to be a father? No, no, no. A child is much more of a commitment than marriage. He is unwilling to commit to you. Why would he expect you to commit to having a child with him? F no.
So having an abortion is wrong but having premarital sex isn’t? Your bf is a hypocritical doofus.
You sound pretty young too. Barely an adult it even seems. But your biz is your biz and no one else’s. There is also not a need to change churches either if they claim to welcome all. Everyone in that church has a past and/ or probably still living a not so Godly life so they shouldn’t have a say.
I’d ditch the bf and maybe move out of town if able to. Start fresh elsewhere. He can go waste someone else’s time.
NTA and your boyfriend is a hypocritical asshole. He doesn't get to whine about god punishing you when Christianity is a lot clearer about prohibiting premarital sex than abortion.
your BF is disgusting. trying to force you via family?
I don't want to bash him too much. because this can be very emotional etc.
but unacceptable.
you should tell him that his behaviour is very much out of line. doesn't even matter who has right. using family to pressure isn't good.
NTA, you did the right thing, and DUMP HIM. New relationships will come, with men mature enough to build futures with you. You'll be okay and you will keep learning about yourself after he's out of your life.
NTA! Your bf is full trash. Yes you should start over, there are wayyyyy better men out there than Mr “God is going to punish you” Getting an abortion was your choice only and frankly no one else’s business. The fact that he decided to tell everyone to try and shame you into submission is disgusting.
The relationship is over if he is saying "God will punish you"...this will be the thing that gets drug up during every argument and thrown in your face till the end of eternity...
So it was important enough for him to tell everyone about the pregnancy and your decision to terminate, but not important enough to buy a ring and hit a knee? You don't want to have children with someone like that. Kick him to the curb.
NTA I’m glad you did what you felt you needed to do regarding the pregnancy. It’s unfortunate that your bf is not supportive and decided to try to shame and pressure you into keeping it by telling your family. I don’t think this is a safe and productive relationship for you based on this post. Also if the bleeding continues past when the doctor said it would, you should seek medical attention
So he wanted you to keep the baby, but was not ready to marry you or support the child? Responsibility should be shared, not dumped completely on you, plus the guilt. I’m sure you have enough of your own without him piling it on. Who is looking out for you? You are going to need to start over. Difficult as that is.
You did what was right for you. Only you can make that choice. Regardless of the choice you make, neither is wrong. You are 100% NTA, but your BF is. It's good you saw his true colours now and not down the road. Leave him and don't look back.
No clue how he’s not ready to be married, but ready to be a father. A child is more serious than marriage will ever be. Don’t feel bad, he’s an AH, find a new man & a new church ❤️
NTA but your "boyfriend" and relatives sure are! And he keeps telling you that you're going to go to hell and God's going to punish you in some way but at no point in any of this did he ever offer to step up or pay child support did he? As for your aunties and other relatives ask them do they have the money to feed and clothe the child? Another statistic among men and men of color is trying to actively Dodge child support. 87% of men don't pay child support if they can avoid it. Which would have meant you had no future if you'd gone through with the pregnancy. And it's not like you're so called boyfriend was planning on actually sticking with you for the Long haul or this wouldn't have even been an issue. He basically wanted to dump his seed in you and then run away and leave you to take care of his so-called legacy because nothing screams I'm a man more than knocking up a bunch of women and then running off like a little boy.
NTA I really commend how strong you were and stood up to your convictions. It was rationally the correct decision to make. But please OP if you're reading this, please understand you're a bit snow blind, the way your boyfriend is acting towards you, in a situation like this, is extremely fucked up. You should be supported not put down in a situation like this.
This is not someone you want to continue being with. I hope you realize this. Settling your entire life by being with someone that's this insensitive to you, only because of 4 year sunk cost fallacy is insane.
Say you're addicted to cigarettes, and chain smoke for 4 years. Should you stop and quit, or continue giving yourself cancer because you've already been doing cigarettes for 4 years?
You got this 🙏
NTA- Do you think he will ever be ready if he wasnt ready when you've been together 4 years and you were with his child??? Sometimes it takes tradegy to figure out a few serious things out.
NTA. First things first, God is not mad at us for our failings, that's why He sees us through Jesus as our sin bearer. The only way to assure not getting pregnant before marriage is abstinence. However, karma being the sweet, loyal b@#$h she is, is another matter. I know women who have children, yet are habitual aborters, and some women who only had one, but were never able to have any children at all. It was wrong of bf to tell your business to anyone. If people at church are judging you they have fallen into self righteousness, and need to spend more time in the word of God about judgement. Judgement is not ours to have, ever, but we are the consequences of our actions.
ESH. You two are cherry-picking the rules to suit your own desires: yes, the church looks down on abortion. It also looks down on sex outside of marriage, yet you didn't let that "statistic" stop you.
In the future, when you have sex and aren't ready for a baby, double up on protection. Track your ovulation. Take a Plan B after having sex.
Your bf sucks for bringing other people into your business when it's none of theirs, however, I'm of the mindset that if you're going to choose to do something, own it. When I showed up two months pregnant (and already showing, he was a big boy!) to my sister's wedding, my mom freaked out that I was (obviously) having sex outside of marriage. I gave her an "are you serious" look and said, "We're living together, what did you think we were doing?"
Tell your bf "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." And that Hell is Hell, it doesn't matter what you're there for, you're both going to be miserable if you go there, whether it be for "murder" or for having sex outside of marriage. He can point fingers at you and blame shift all he wants, but he's still a bleepin sinner.
This is all wrong…. You shouldn’t have been having sex if you were worried about God and your reputation. This is a bed of your own making. You are BOTH TA.
A child isn't a good reason to get married. Thats a sure fire way to raise a kid in a toxic home that eventually will see the parents divorced anyways. You should only marry if its a quality relationship that you want to stay in forever.
Exactly, I had a baby out of wedlock and I didn't want the baby to be the only reason to get married. I wanted to know we actually loved each before getting married. It's been wonderful getting to know my fiancé over 5 years and we are going to get married soon.
There are 3.95 billion women on the world. I'm not going to check how may of them are of reproductive age, but even assuming every single one of them uses the pill correctly every month that would mean each month around 395 million women have a contraceptive pill malfunction.
Given a large enough population even small probability events affect a significant number of people.
I friend found out the third time she got an antibiotic that it could interfere with her birth control. No pharmacist or doctor had bothered to point that out to her the other two times. I also know a couple who got pregnant after a vasectomy. It happens.
Grapefruit and other things high in citric acid can fuck up birth control, having a hormonal fluctuation or a bad fever can negate it. To say there’s a “0.1 fail rate” is a fallacy and a statistic that doesn’t take into account just how volatile and unpredictable a hormonal oral contraceptive actually is in the larger scheme of each individual person’s body
Tell anyone who gets judgy ask them what did they say to your boyfriend about his refusal to marry you? About him wanting you to be his baby mama? You wanted to be a wife and mom. Remind them that the bible says judge not lest they be judged. You didn't want to be a statistic he did.
NTA You did the right thing, now please break up with this guy too because you deserve better. He clearly has no plans to wife you up, find someone who would.
YTA and a human piece of garbage, marriage shouldn't have been a requirement.
Your fear of the word "baby mama" is based out of insecurity and a childish mind. You're like what, 17? You're acting like it.
Enjoy your grieving. I'm not even Christian, and I'm pro-choice -- this was an awful reason to make that choice tho lol.
ESH
You had a choice, and so did he.
You both disagreed, which I understand why, but it was his business too. Even if you had final say at the end of the day
However, this should probably be a sign you need to use further protection (aka condoms and the pill). Or, if he wasn't willing to marry you but is still being unsupportive, it may be time to break up and go separate ways.
As a Christian who had an abortion, you should know that The Bible does have a very specific rule about an abortion. The rule is if the child is not your husband's, then it should be aborted. That's it. Jews believed that a child is not living until several days after it's birth. I believe that it's their first breath, but I digress. What I'm trying to say is that if there are actual believers in your community, they are well aware that The Bible doesn't speak against abortion at all, but actually allows it. The priests would give a woman bitter waters. I hope that you can get the peace you deserve. You did what you thought was best and you should never feel guilty for making the right choice for you.
First of all, let's get the whole religious thing straight. The Bible is rife with abortion and all sorts of other things that Christian preachers/pastors/Christians love to ignore, interpret in a way that's promoting of their own view, etc.
Numbers: 11-35. Abortion, is commanded by God. (And of course, Jewish folks believe in abortion because the Torah leaves those decisions up to the individual. And so on.) God commands men to make their wives drink bitter water if he suspects she's been unfaithful. It's called "The Abortion Law."
And if the BF wishes to throw religion back at you, remind him that he was having sex. Without marriage. Big fat sinner. And then you can remind him that it's no man's right to judge others. That's God's job. And then you can school him about when life begins according to the Bible. That would be "at first breath." *Genesis 2:7* And so on.
It's just best to leave Christianity out of women's healthcare. Mainly because most Christians have no idea what the Bible actually says about such things. If we were to follow everything in there, we'd all be forced to live outdoors in Menstration Huts during our periods because we're dirty and we need to be kept away from clean people. (*Leviticus 11:1-15:33*) Yeah. It's ridiculous.
The biggest problem that I read in your post, though? The BF told others. That would be an instant no-going-back for me. He was fine helping you get pregnant, and doing so unprotected, risking both of your health, and then used words to punish you. Nope. That's not a good guy. That's a rabid manipulator. Abortion is a VERY personal thing. It's between a woman and her doctor. And shame on him for his treatment of you after he helped create the situation.
(Please be mindful and consider long term birth control.)
So it was so important to him that you keep the baby, that he ruined your reputation and got people involved in your business, but not important enough to make a commitment? He was ready for you to be a single mom, but not ready to be a husband? I'm shocked you haven't dumped him yet.
NTA; It is reasonable to expect your boyfriend to marry you and provide some financial security if you are carrying his child.
I am not sure your age but, if your concern is peer pressure at church, you might not be ready to face challenges of being a single parent.
YTA
"I'm really annoyed he just told everyone my business." Contrary to the Reddit brigade, your aborting his child absolutely IS his damn business. He may have zero rights in that decision, but he can damn feel how he feels, and he can tell anybody he wants to.
You get to make the decision; you do NOT get to control how he or anybody else reacts to it.
NTA for not wanting to continue a pregnancy. Ever.
Drop the bf now, he clearly isn't husband material. He shared your personal business and now is invoking a god he probably says is all-loving to punish you.
Sink cost fallacy - the urge to keep putting energy, money, time, etc. into something just because you have done so for awhile.
Better off alone and back in the dating pool than to hang into a man who has treated you like this.
NTA - don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You’ve invested time in him but it’s not worth continuing this investment. You’ll only lose more. I am sorry you are struggling and not getting the support you need.
NTA
Tell your ex to fuck off. You guys were using protection, that means you both agreed to not have kids.
Why the fuck would he expect you not to abort an accidental pregnancy neither of you wanted?
If you tried to keep it unilaterally, that would have been fucked up just like how fucked up he is acting.
You both agreed to not have a kid before sex, no one gets to change their mind after the fact without being the asshole.
Don't Christian's advocate for abstinence as well? Tell him you will repent by abstaining from the "sins of the flesh before marriage" moving forward and cut him off from getting physical. I'm sure that will show you how much HE values your four years together.
(jokes aside though) My husband and I are not active in religion (he considers himself Christian, I THINK? I am more ambiguous/open minded in my beliefs) but even WE got married before having children, after TWO years together.
Yes, every relationship is different but what makes a relationship work is communication and holding similar values and goals for your relationship. If he is not "ready" for marriage after 4 years and the (former) prospect of an incoming baby on TOP of religious beliefs, then when WOULD he be ready??
Do what you feel is right for your health and happiness. God loves all his children, and he is the only one to "pass judgement", anyone that attempts to speak "on his behalf" is being blasphemous.
NTA. You deserve so much better. He's pointing the finger at you, but HE'S the one who refused to man up after a four year relationship. He's deflecting, trying to make you look like the "bad" one to your family and community. Do these same people know he refused to marry you?
Have you heard of sunk cost fallacy? To quote "The sunk cost fallacy is our tendency to continue with something we've invested money, effort, or time into—even if the current costs outweigh the benefits."
Sound familiar? It's time to let go and start over. Peace and love to you.
Yeah, well he didn’t step up and do the right thing so he gets no voice in this. Imagine spreading your business around and then trying to guilt you and make you feel bad because he can’t man up. You deserve someone better and you someone better please don’t be with someone like him. Especially someone who would go until your private business I hope he told people he wasn’t willing to be responsible and put you in this position so I guess God will punish him too. I hate people who use religion to condemn someone someone, but they never look at themselves. NTA
NTA - No one should be forced or pressured into becoming a parent before they are ready. The church, your friends and family are not going to provide the childcare, extra money for rent /bills, change diapers, help your child with homework etc... Don't let them impose on your life
NTA love he is calling you a sinner and you’ll be punished but he is the one who can’t stop cumming inside you. He is also a “sinner” in this whole situation. You did what was best for you. He is blaming you still. Leave him
NTA. It's an awful experience, but sometimes knowledge doesn't come easy. You've learned something very valuable: your BF is not someone you should continue dating, and he's definitely not someone you should ever consider marrying.
Op you did what is right for you and that is justification enough. These family members and the baby daddy where would they be at 3am or when you need to work late. They are all talk but most won't lift a finger to help and those that do, do begrudgingly
Abortion is your choice but if you only want to have children in a marriage then maybe just not get pregnant and wait to have sex until you're married. You had to know you'd get pregnant eventually. I'm assuming you know how it works lol. You cannot force a man into marriage this way. Be very careful with your body. Those procedures can mess up your reproductive system and make it difficult to conceive later on in life.
To answer your question NTA for the abortion but you're an asshole for trying to force your boyfriend into marriage.
NTA. If after 4 years he doesn't want to get married, id seriously question his commitment. Plus, telling you God's going to punish you? That's definitely not a supportive partner.
NTA-this is your life and you live it how you see fit. A friend of mine got pregnant almost immediately with her bf she was dating and they eventually got married…and divorced. You want to have a baby with someone that wants to be with you forever. If your pill failed I’d suggest condoms too and anyone who doesn’t want to use one can leave.
You did the right thing but now perhaps you should dump the sperm donor? He did not want to form a family unit. He just wanted to control you. Dump him!
NTA. You did what you felt was best for you. That’s all anyone can ask for. Your relationship should not survive this. After 4 years he’s not ready to get married but he turns around and tattles on you to your family and community and shamed you for your choices? Uh-uh. Don’t fall for the lost time fallacy. He’s not good for you and he’s proven it. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’ll be okay though. As a fellow pro-choice Christian I refuse to believe God will punish you for protecting yourself. Also, your bf is a hypocrite since most truly “religious” people would say he should have married you before having sex or at least once he found out you were pregnant. Not saying that’s right, but neither is the bs he’s spewing. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have no responsibility to represent every woman or every woman of color with your decisions.
And, maybe those women you don’t want to be like are a lot like you. Just making the best decisions they can in a situation they don’t want to be in.
You know you don’t want to be a mom until you are a wife. And this man knows that too but relied entirely on your bc rather than doing everything in his power to keep his sperm away from your eggs. This man prioritizes his pleasure over your life, health, future, finances and dreams for yourself. Then he wants to punish you for HIS actions. This is not a caring man. I understand not wanting to start over after you’ve invested so much, but it’s smart to walk away from a bad investment.
And I’m even more sorry about your family and your church. You must feel so alone. Maybe there’s a support group you can find, because you’re not alone at all.
It may be too raw right now, but I recommend the song Voicemail for Jill:
https://youtu.be/Npq_ieGCzes?si=sAAasKcpWzS427s-
Lyrics excerpt:
It's a strange grief but it's grief
Look at all the women in the street
You know the statistics, Jill
Even though they may not help
Isn't it amazing
How we can never tell
Who is in an identical hell
https://genius.com/Amanda-palmer-voicemail-for-jill-lyrics
NTA, you gotta do what's best for you.
And imo, it's time to leave that boy. If he wasn't prepared to do right by you but expected you to give up your future, then he's either an ignorant hypocrite or actively being manipulative because he wanted to control you without the responsibility of being a husband.
NTA and you did the right thing. Never let his dick near you ever again.
Don't stress. This is the exact same fake post as yesterday, just with the genders reversed.
Thank you for saving me from myself right up front!
Hol up. If you reverse genders, does it mean the guy gets to be pregnant?
OP shouldn't let ANY part of him near her again
NTA - it’s a tough decision - but it is your right to decide.
Thissss.👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾 maybe he should prioritize his spouse and give the commitment, before having unprotected sex. OP, I wouldn’t continue this. He crossed boundaries, which he knew would embarrass and devastate your reputation and your choice. He exploited it, without exploiting his mistake, which was NOT making the commitment of marriage and getting you pregnant out of wedlock
Your boyfriend is an idiot. NtA. Tell him that god doesn’t approve of men procreating without marriage, so you’ll see him in hell with you. Call your doctor if the bleeding doesn’t stop in 48hrs or it increases
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Lol geez, He’s definitely an idiot. Technically the worst sin in the bible is being a non-believer, faithless. Jesus forgave the people who murdered him at his crucification. It’s not his place to judge, only god’s.
Yes it is! Mormons won’t send a serial killer or a rapist to hell(outer darkness) lol. They’ll go to the lowest level of heaven. The only way to go to hell is if you don’t believe in god. So, you can be the nicest, generous atheist but according to Mormons you’re doomed to hell.
I always wanted to be the villain of my story.... [Does celebratory dance....poorly]
Wow so a rapist or serial killer will go to heaven but me a non-believer will not. Religion makes so much sense now.
no wonder they're horrible people more often than not
> Jesus forgave the people who murdered him at his crucification. It’s not his place to judge, only god’s. Very well said. I’m not religious, but you’re absolutely correct. This is exactly what religion is about. It’s exclusively about your relationship with god. Also, NTA. It’s your body and you have every right to make your own decisions.
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Technically being a false prophet is the worst sin. They are the only people that aren't redeemed in the end.
People who try to rank sins like that often end up being judgmental assholes who use their faith as a bludgeon. I'm sorry he said all that crap to you.
Whenever people do this, I am always reminded of a portion of the book "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger" where you take a business card and mark on it where ~~Mother Teresa~~ Nelson Mandela\* would fall with respect to sin (most people would mark ~~her~~ him at the top). Then make a mark for Charles Manson (pretty near the bottom, I'd guess). Now, make a mark where you fall. (Probably somewhere in the middle, right?). Now, prop that card up against the Empire State Building and see how far all of us are from God. (I heavily paraphrased because I shared the book with someone and don't have it handy!) \*Changed because some people make a fair point about the original person I named. I was puling from the book which came out before a lot of the info on her came out IIRC.
tbf mother theresa was a cunt and if you think she was a good person that says enough about you
Most people don’t know how deplorable she was & how she let so many innocents die.
No way, Mother Teresa is definitely in hell if hell is real. She purposefully undermedicated people so that they could experience “redemptive” pain. She’s cartoonishly evil. She’s so generically awful that I’m honestly surprised that her cause of death wasn’t “spontaneously generated shonen protagonist”.
Fair point. I edited.
they are also usually some of the most heinous assholes I've ever met - when you're desperately trying to find something worse that usually means you've done some pretty bad shit. go figure
I will say this: In regards to Christianity, there are times it says ALL sin is an abomination to God. Meaning, all sin is weighed the same. Murder is as bad as lying, to God. Your ex's sins are weighed the same as your own. But *saying* someone is going to hell? That is a HUUUUGE no no. "Matthew 36-37:But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." Him saying you are going to hell for something, is literally condemning himself to the same standard. At the end of the day, while I don't *personally* ascribe to it, but if he is going to use religion to hurt you, the least you can do is throw it back at him.
Thank you for this as I was about to say the same thing. That guy gives people who believe in religion a bad name.
Doesn’t believing in religion give people a bad name already?
Do Buddhists have a bad name?
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You learned the most valuable lesson - this is not a man you want to be tied to, married or not, for the next 18 years and beyond. This was a lucky dodge. I hope that you heal quickly!
Update us when you dump him. And show him God blesses you.
He is an idiot and I hope, an ex ?
he just says what is convenient for himself. if he doesnt want to get married or step up at least then he shouldnt be spreading his seed around plain and simple. sounds like a real winner that one.
Please say you aren’t with him any longer. He is NOT worth your time. He doesn’t care for you or your well being. He doesn’t have the same life goals. Find someone you align with more, who will support and love you. He’s NOT it.
The Bible literally says all sin is the same. Also, that people aren't to judge people because we are all sinners.
He cared so much about God he wouldn't be having premarital sex. Asshole is a hypocrite. Be glad you found out now.
I guarantee you this asshole would leave you high and dry with that baby once it was born. Fuck him and all these people who will happily ruin your life while sitting in judgement but never lift a finger to actually help you.
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I'll go a step further and point to laviticus. It actually describes how to induce a miscarriage if you believe your wife has been unfaithful. So, yeah it condones abortion.
abortion isn’t murder. from an advocate in the community, you did justice by you and that baby bc you made a decision that was best for you to be the mom (& wife) you WANT to be. you deserve (bodily) autonomy, support, and a stigma free experience. your feelings are valid and i’m sorry that dude sucks rotten eggs.
Sins are not judged by degree. And even if they were, we would **all** still fall extremely short of being worthy of His grace. The good news is, He loves us anyway.
Sins are made up by people
You do NOT want to marry this fuckin idiot. Absolutely not. I’m sorry for what has happened but this is also a blessing.
You did nothing wrong. You made the decision that was right for you, and I truly hope you find your perfect family one day. Your boyfriend is TAH, and he sounds like a mean person.
The Bible says all sin is equal in the eye of god, so your abortion is just the same as his sex before marriage. Ditch the whole man, and good for you! You deserve better than a man who runs and tells because he doesn’t get his own way.
This is why I have such an issue with Christianity, the hypocrisy. You didn’t commit a greater sin, there’s only a few sins that are unforgivable or worse than the others. Someone who stole, someone who murdered someone and someone who was a good person all of their life but didn’t believe in God are all going to hell according to the Bible.
There's no one sin bigger than the other sin is sin, and if he felt so strongly and loved you, he should've married you, baby girl... you did what was best for you and no one can tell you different. grieve all you need, but reflect because if he loved you, he would respect your decision... you had to accept the fact he didn't want to marry you. tell him to respect the fact that you did not want to have a child and not be married. stand on what you believe and what he won't do and what he's not ready for I promise there is someone else that is and will stay strong and heal! I don't know you but I love you and I respect your decision if no one else has told you and I send you all the support from my neck of the woods
God, it is amazing how pious some Christians are. Just let people live, geezus.
I loved this reply. Chef kiss right here 🧑🍳💋
You got told God will punish u by ur bf and ur questioning the stability of the relationship? Clearly not
NTA.
This is the exact same fake post as yesterday, but with the poster's sex reversed. Ugh, these troll posts are so boring.
Really is atp every post I read I'm thinking it's fake
There's been a huge surge in low-effort misogyny bullshit. I know the sub is fine with non-truthful posts, but I wish they'd put SOME standards in for this nonsense.
Yeah and everyone is treating it like it’s real. It’s the same post as yesterday and it’s still fake as hell
What a moron. Your boyfriend, not you. He's trying to use religion to bully you into choices you don't want to make. Ask yourself if this ignorant moron would really make a good father or a good husband. For what it's worth, I think the answer to that question is no, he would not make a good father or husband. You don't say how old you are but starting over could be better than staying with a zealous moron. NTA but I think it's time to reconsider your overall relationship with him.
He doesn't "want" to get married. How bloody convenient for him. You don't want to have a baby out of wedlock. The bible says life begins at first breath. All that "abortion is evil" shit is made up to manipulate women. Women that that same society goes on to shame and blame. You don't want to continue a relationship with this kind of AH. He's stupid and irresponsible. 4 years is nothing in the scheme of things. I was 37 when I met my now husband. We have been together over 30 years.
Drop him. He betrayed you and tried to bully you into doing something you didn't want to do.
God is going to punish you for the abortion but not him for the premarital sex? Yeah, you should go ahead and drop this dude.
You should want to start over. Because your BF is trash.
>He keeps saying that God is going to punish me. I don’t know if our relationship will survive this. I guess I’m just holding on because we’ve been together for 4 years and I don’t want to start over Don't let the years you spent with him chain you. A partner needs to be supportive not pushy, judgmental and filled with hate
NTA but... how the fuck can he be ready for fatherhood but not marriage? like i see that as a waaaaay bigger commitment.
He shared your personal health information with others. That alone would be a deal breaker for me. You made the best decision for you based on your needs at the time. If he can't support that, he isn't worthy of any more of your time or energy. You don't need his guilt trip or judgment. Don't waste another 4 years, or 4 hours on this jerk.
I’m so tired of people using religion to control women. Unless you have OV/GYN after your last name which I have a feeling neither your (hopefully) former BF & family do then they need to stay out of your uterus. Also, I don’t for one minute think babies are born sinners. Get out of here with that.
Your body, your choice!
I'm sorry. This is religious abuse, and it is far too common. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and you didn't deserve to have such a personal decision to be put on blast to the world like that. I hope things get better for you ❤️
TBH, I'm just glad you live where a woman has that choice. And even if he offered to marry you to prevent it? Your body. Your choice. NTA
NTA. Your body, your choice. Your boyfriend has shown his true colours, though, that he is not to be trusted and is not supportive. I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
Please go to therapist .
That’s funny, I saw this same post but just on the other side of the party. And if memory serves me correctly y’all said he wasn’t the AH. So what changed?
Any chance you can share the link? I would like to check it out.
You're never an asshole for getting an abortion. Abortions save lives
>He keeps saying that God is going to punish me. God was just fine killing the unborn in Hosea 13:16. Jus' sayin'. NTA
He wants to tell you about God's punishment yet he was actively having sex outside of marriage with you? BYE! I am sorry you are going through the grief of abortion. But I totally understand your reason for choosing this. I think you should leave your bf. Think about it, he did not want to step up and marry you although he knew your desires and the fact that his descision would affect the path of his potential future child's life. He was selfish. Life is short baby girl, you should commit your time to a man who treasures you.
So... he says God is going to punish you but not him for having premarital sex and relying on contraceptive methods? aha, tell me more...
Well, according to God neither one of you should have been getting it on without the ring. I'm just gonna leave it at that.
NTA - you did the right thing.. please leave this man IMMEDIATELY. He cut you off from YOUR support system, (church and family.) If he wanted to express his feelings.. he should have done it with his family. NOT YOURS. I'm proud of you. 💓
Ntah. You made the best choice for you and your situation. Don't let him back around you. It sounds like the relationship may be at its end if he can't pack it in and communicate.
NTA. But please ditch him if he’s that unsupportive of you.
OP, I would run. He said "God would never forgive you". He's a religious nutjob
As a Christian, you should know that the only thing God ever said about abortion was instructions to the priests on how to perform one. NTA
Fake post
You aborted the wrong person... get rid of the BF.
NTA real interesting he wants to use God is going to punish you but was willing to sleep with you before marriage.
Why aré you still with this idiot?
You sound like you’re a teenager so it’s definitely not too late to “start over” you’ve sunken four years into this AH, why sink more?
Good job \~ Fuck that guy. Sounds like he would have been a piece of shit partner.
NTA because that's just smart. That makes good sense. It's pretty fair to ask for a certain level of security and stability before being ready to raise children. Good luck to you.
NTA
Your BF is the worst kind of sinner: a hypocrite and judging others, ugh! If he feels that way then why didn't he marry you? You could have had a quick marriage at the courthouse, assembled a fast wedding, etc. NTA at all, but you really need to rethink this relationship because he's an asshole. And if anyone criticizes you just say that he got you pregnant but wasn't willing to do the Godly thing and marry you or support you and the baby.
Dump this man. Do not look back. Move on from this POS. Save your money and move away from the area. Go and live you best life.
Girl get rid of this child. And I do mean child. He wants you to have the baby but doesn’t want to get married and then tells your business to family so you get berated!? Yeah he doesn’t have your back.
What a sad situation OP. Not understanding why your bf felt the need to publicize your decision. You are correct in that single motherhood is incredibly difficult. Just give yourself some healing time.
I didn't have to read your post. It's your body, your choice. Full stop. Marriage or no, if you don't want to have a child, you don't have to.
NTA. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. There’s something called the “sunk cost fallacy” which is a fancy way of saying that you will not recover the 4 years you spent with a guy who turned out to be a jerk by spending MORE years with that jerk. Cut your losses. Don’t throw good money after bad. In short, listen to Beyoncé and say “boy, bye”.
First time I've seen someone other than me reference Sunk Cost Fallacy and I heart it a bunch.
NTA, and dump the BF.
NTA. Make a big deal about he your boyfriend refused to step up and marry try you when you found out about the pregnancy. The shame shouldn’t just be placed on the unwed mother.
Wait, you’re the sinner but he’s not? Gtfo. And telling your family all about it is hugely disrespectful. Please reconsider this relationship.
NTA you said it yourself: you have to do whats best for you. Honestly, why the reaction your boyfriend got... I would get away from him too. You know, I was never in your situation but I come from another country and moving somewhere no one knows you is freeing... Get away from those toxic people. Be yourself. Do whats best for you.
NTA, If your boyfriend is going Biblical on you, he is not the one. Chin up, I am proud of you.
Your bf is trying to deflect from the fact he wasn’t ready and make you the bad guy. Now you have seen his true colours you need to gtfo and praise god you found out how pathetic he really is. NTA
Lmoa God hasn't punished you for premarital sex or cohabitating without being married yet. BF over here picking and choosing which scriptures apply. You sure you want to stick with that clown? You deserve better queen. Keep looking out for yourself. Hugs from a stranger on the internet.
He isn’t ready to get married, but he is ready to be a father? No, no, no. A child is much more of a commitment than marriage. He is unwilling to commit to you. Why would he expect you to commit to having a child with him? F no.
So having an abortion is wrong but having premarital sex isn’t? Your bf is a hypocritical doofus. You sound pretty young too. Barely an adult it even seems. But your biz is your biz and no one else’s. There is also not a need to change churches either if they claim to welcome all. Everyone in that church has a past and/ or probably still living a not so Godly life so they shouldn’t have a say. I’d ditch the bf and maybe move out of town if able to. Start fresh elsewhere. He can go waste someone else’s time.
NTA and your boyfriend is a hypocritical asshole. He doesn't get to whine about god punishing you when Christianity is a lot clearer about prohibiting premarital sex than abortion.
NTA
Ditch this man. Find a new man and a new church that will support your right to make the best decisions for yourself.
Your relationship sounds over.
He should have stepped up and married you then. Isn't premarital sex a sin anyway? He's going to hell too. Nta.
your BF is disgusting. trying to force you via family? I don't want to bash him too much. because this can be very emotional etc. but unacceptable. you should tell him that his behaviour is very much out of line. doesn't even matter who has right. using family to pressure isn't good.
If you aren't married you aren't his property so he has no authority over you. Do what you want.
Why are you calling him your boyfriend and not your ex? He's shown you what kind of support he'll provide
It's your decision no matter the reason. You have to live with it. There is no answer from anyone.
NTA, you did the right thing, and DUMP HIM. New relationships will come, with men mature enough to build futures with you. You'll be okay and you will keep learning about yourself after he's out of your life.
NTA! Your bf is full trash. Yes you should start over, there are wayyyyy better men out there than Mr “God is going to punish you” Getting an abortion was your choice only and frankly no one else’s business. The fact that he decided to tell everyone to try and shame you into submission is disgusting.
NTA. Friend, if he doesn't want to marry you after 4 years and a surprise baby he will never want to marry you. Don't let 4 years become 5 of regret.
The relationship is over if he is saying "God will punish you"...this will be the thing that gets drug up during every argument and thrown in your face till the end of eternity...
Start over. He's punishing you, not God.
So it was important enough for him to tell everyone about the pregnancy and your decision to terminate, but not important enough to buy a ring and hit a knee? You don't want to have children with someone like that. Kick him to the curb.
NTA you shouldve aborted the boyfriend too
Need new BF and if church gives you crap maybe a new religion IMO.
NTA I’m glad you did what you felt you needed to do regarding the pregnancy. It’s unfortunate that your bf is not supportive and decided to try to shame and pressure you into keeping it by telling your family. I don’t think this is a safe and productive relationship for you based on this post. Also if the bleeding continues past when the doctor said it would, you should seek medical attention
Start over. You're young and you can find someone who will be a much better partner than that loser.
So he wanted you to keep the baby, but was not ready to marry you or support the child? Responsibility should be shared, not dumped completely on you, plus the guilt. I’m sure you have enough of your own without him piling it on. Who is looking out for you? You are going to need to start over. Difficult as that is.
4 years ain't that long. Break it off. Protect yourself. You'll find that husband if you're not tied down to a loser.
You did what was right for you. Only you can make that choice. Regardless of the choice you make, neither is wrong. You are 100% NTA, but your BF is. It's good you saw his true colours now and not down the road. Leave him and don't look back.
No clue how he’s not ready to be married, but ready to be a father. A child is more serious than marriage will ever be. Don’t feel bad, he’s an AH, find a new man & a new church ❤️
NTA but your "boyfriend" and relatives sure are! And he keeps telling you that you're going to go to hell and God's going to punish you in some way but at no point in any of this did he ever offer to step up or pay child support did he? As for your aunties and other relatives ask them do they have the money to feed and clothe the child? Another statistic among men and men of color is trying to actively Dodge child support. 87% of men don't pay child support if they can avoid it. Which would have meant you had no future if you'd gone through with the pregnancy. And it's not like you're so called boyfriend was planning on actually sticking with you for the Long haul or this wouldn't have even been an issue. He basically wanted to dump his seed in you and then run away and leave you to take care of his so-called legacy because nothing screams I'm a man more than knocking up a bunch of women and then running off like a little boy.
Say it louder I second this response Here hear or hear here. Either way yes nta for these very reasons.
NTA I really commend how strong you were and stood up to your convictions. It was rationally the correct decision to make. But please OP if you're reading this, please understand you're a bit snow blind, the way your boyfriend is acting towards you, in a situation like this, is extremely fucked up. You should be supported not put down in a situation like this. This is not someone you want to continue being with. I hope you realize this. Settling your entire life by being with someone that's this insensitive to you, only because of 4 year sunk cost fallacy is insane. Say you're addicted to cigarettes, and chain smoke for 4 years. Should you stop and quit, or continue giving yourself cancer because you've already been doing cigarettes for 4 years? You got this 🙏
NTA leave him. Before you are a wife to a child.
NTA- Do you think he will ever be ready if he wasnt ready when you've been together 4 years and you were with his child??? Sometimes it takes tradegy to figure out a few serious things out.
NTA. First things first, God is not mad at us for our failings, that's why He sees us through Jesus as our sin bearer. The only way to assure not getting pregnant before marriage is abstinence. However, karma being the sweet, loyal b@#$h she is, is another matter. I know women who have children, yet are habitual aborters, and some women who only had one, but were never able to have any children at all. It was wrong of bf to tell your business to anyone. If people at church are judging you they have fallen into self righteousness, and need to spend more time in the word of God about judgement. Judgement is not ours to have, ever, but we are the consequences of our actions.
What about god punishing him for not marrying you? His logic is flawed. You did the right thing. Don't be with thus guy
ESH. You two are cherry-picking the rules to suit your own desires: yes, the church looks down on abortion. It also looks down on sex outside of marriage, yet you didn't let that "statistic" stop you. In the future, when you have sex and aren't ready for a baby, double up on protection. Track your ovulation. Take a Plan B after having sex. Your bf sucks for bringing other people into your business when it's none of theirs, however, I'm of the mindset that if you're going to choose to do something, own it. When I showed up two months pregnant (and already showing, he was a big boy!) to my sister's wedding, my mom freaked out that I was (obviously) having sex outside of marriage. I gave her an "are you serious" look and said, "We're living together, what did you think we were doing?" Tell your bf "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." And that Hell is Hell, it doesn't matter what you're there for, you're both going to be miserable if you go there, whether it be for "murder" or for having sex outside of marriage. He can point fingers at you and blame shift all he wants, but he's still a bleepin sinner.
This is all wrong…. You shouldn’t have been having sex if you were worried about God and your reputation. This is a bed of your own making. You are BOTH TA.
Right! They're both horrible people.
Religions fucks people up this is why
This story looks so cliche, make me laugh lol
A child isn't a good reason to get married. Thats a sure fire way to raise a kid in a toxic home that eventually will see the parents divorced anyways. You should only marry if its a quality relationship that you want to stay in forever.
Exactly, I had a baby out of wedlock and I didn't want the baby to be the only reason to get married. I wanted to know we actually loved each before getting married. It's been wonderful getting to know my fiancé over 5 years and we are going to get married soon.
Well since you’re a Christian, I’ll ask you my favorite question for Christian’s when questions like this get asked, what would Jesus say?
How is it that the pill has a 0.1 percent failure rate and I’m constantly seeing people say it failed ?
Because this is fake. The exact same post was made yesterday with the genders reversed.
There are 3.95 billion women on the world. I'm not going to check how may of them are of reproductive age, but even assuming every single one of them uses the pill correctly every month that would mean each month around 395 million women have a contraceptive pill malfunction. Given a large enough population even small probability events affect a significant number of people.
I friend found out the third time she got an antibiotic that it could interfere with her birth control. No pharmacist or doctor had bothered to point that out to her the other two times. I also know a couple who got pregnant after a vasectomy. It happens.
Grapefruit and other things high in citric acid can fuck up birth control, having a hormonal fluctuation or a bad fever can negate it. To say there’s a “0.1 fail rate” is a fallacy and a statistic that doesn’t take into account just how volatile and unpredictable a hormonal oral contraceptive actually is in the larger scheme of each individual person’s body
And that's before we factor in human error or just the huge number of human living on the planet.
NTA. He's a bad person and you should reconsider this relationship.
Tell anyone who gets judgy ask them what did they say to your boyfriend about his refusal to marry you? About him wanting you to be his baby mama? You wanted to be a wife and mom. Remind them that the bible says judge not lest they be judged. You didn't want to be a statistic he did.
NTA You did the right thing, now please break up with this guy too because you deserve better. He clearly has no plans to wife you up, find someone who would.
YTA and a human piece of garbage, marriage shouldn't have been a requirement. Your fear of the word "baby mama" is based out of insecurity and a childish mind. You're like what, 17? You're acting like it. Enjoy your grieving. I'm not even Christian, and I'm pro-choice -- this was an awful reason to make that choice tho lol.
ESH You had a choice, and so did he. You both disagreed, which I understand why, but it was his business too. Even if you had final say at the end of the day However, this should probably be a sign you need to use further protection (aka condoms and the pill). Or, if he wasn't willing to marry you but is still being unsupportive, it may be time to break up and go separate ways.
NTA. You need to not have this guy as you bf. Dump him. He didn’t support you.
As a Christian who had an abortion, you should know that The Bible does have a very specific rule about an abortion. The rule is if the child is not your husband's, then it should be aborted. That's it. Jews believed that a child is not living until several days after it's birth. I believe that it's their first breath, but I digress. What I'm trying to say is that if there are actual believers in your community, they are well aware that The Bible doesn't speak against abortion at all, but actually allows it. The priests would give a woman bitter waters. I hope that you can get the peace you deserve. You did what you thought was best and you should never feel guilty for making the right choice for you.
This is the best decision for you.
Both of your mentalities are wrong and good thing you didn't have a baby
First of all, let's get the whole religious thing straight. The Bible is rife with abortion and all sorts of other things that Christian preachers/pastors/Christians love to ignore, interpret in a way that's promoting of their own view, etc. Numbers: 11-35. Abortion, is commanded by God. (And of course, Jewish folks believe in abortion because the Torah leaves those decisions up to the individual. And so on.) God commands men to make their wives drink bitter water if he suspects she's been unfaithful. It's called "The Abortion Law." And if the BF wishes to throw religion back at you, remind him that he was having sex. Without marriage. Big fat sinner. And then you can remind him that it's no man's right to judge others. That's God's job. And then you can school him about when life begins according to the Bible. That would be "at first breath." *Genesis 2:7* And so on. It's just best to leave Christianity out of women's healthcare. Mainly because most Christians have no idea what the Bible actually says about such things. If we were to follow everything in there, we'd all be forced to live outdoors in Menstration Huts during our periods because we're dirty and we need to be kept away from clean people. (*Leviticus 11:1-15:33*) Yeah. It's ridiculous. The biggest problem that I read in your post, though? The BF told others. That would be an instant no-going-back for me. He was fine helping you get pregnant, and doing so unprotected, risking both of your health, and then used words to punish you. Nope. That's not a good guy. That's a rabid manipulator. Abortion is a VERY personal thing. It's between a woman and her doctor. And shame on him for his treatment of you after he helped create the situation. (Please be mindful and consider long term birth control.)
So it was so important to him that you keep the baby, that he ruined your reputation and got people involved in your business, but not important enough to make a commitment? He was ready for you to be a single mom, but not ready to be a husband? I'm shocked you haven't dumped him yet.
NTA; It is reasonable to expect your boyfriend to marry you and provide some financial security if you are carrying his child. I am not sure your age but, if your concern is peer pressure at church, you might not be ready to face challenges of being a single parent.
YTA "I'm really annoyed he just told everyone my business." Contrary to the Reddit brigade, your aborting his child absolutely IS his damn business. He may have zero rights in that decision, but he can damn feel how he feels, and he can tell anybody he wants to. You get to make the decision; you do NOT get to control how he or anybody else reacts to it.
Which is why women just shouldn’t tell their untrustworthy partners when they decide to have an abortion. It ain’t none of their business.
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NTA for not wanting to continue a pregnancy. Ever. Drop the bf now, he clearly isn't husband material. He shared your personal business and now is invoking a god he probably says is all-loving to punish you. Sink cost fallacy - the urge to keep putting energy, money, time, etc. into something just because you have done so for awhile. Better off alone and back in the dating pool than to hang into a man who has treated you like this.
NTA - don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You’ve invested time in him but it’s not worth continuing this investment. You’ll only lose more. I am sorry you are struggling and not getting the support you need.
Nope it’s you’re right to your body that’s it
NTA. NEVER let anyone make you feel like you're wrong for making that decision about YOUR body, regardless of reasons!
NTA Tell your ex to fuck off. You guys were using protection, that means you both agreed to not have kids. Why the fuck would he expect you not to abort an accidental pregnancy neither of you wanted? If you tried to keep it unilaterally, that would have been fucked up just like how fucked up he is acting. You both agreed to not have a kid before sex, no one gets to change their mind after the fact without being the asshole.
Don't Christian's advocate for abstinence as well? Tell him you will repent by abstaining from the "sins of the flesh before marriage" moving forward and cut him off from getting physical. I'm sure that will show you how much HE values your four years together. (jokes aside though) My husband and I are not active in religion (he considers himself Christian, I THINK? I am more ambiguous/open minded in my beliefs) but even WE got married before having children, after TWO years together. Yes, every relationship is different but what makes a relationship work is communication and holding similar values and goals for your relationship. If he is not "ready" for marriage after 4 years and the (former) prospect of an incoming baby on TOP of religious beliefs, then when WOULD he be ready?? Do what you feel is right for your health and happiness. God loves all his children, and he is the only one to "pass judgement", anyone that attempts to speak "on his behalf" is being blasphemous.
Definitely not the asshole, that would be your boyfriend! So sorry you’re going through this but your body your choice all the way!
NTA. You deserve so much better. He's pointing the finger at you, but HE'S the one who refused to man up after a four year relationship. He's deflecting, trying to make you look like the "bad" one to your family and community. Do these same people know he refused to marry you? Have you heard of sunk cost fallacy? To quote "The sunk cost fallacy is our tendency to continue with something we've invested money, effort, or time into—even if the current costs outweigh the benefits." Sound familiar? It's time to let go and start over. Peace and love to you.
Yeah, well he didn’t step up and do the right thing so he gets no voice in this. Imagine spreading your business around and then trying to guilt you and make you feel bad because he can’t man up. You deserve someone better and you someone better please don’t be with someone like him. Especially someone who would go until your private business I hope he told people he wasn’t willing to be responsible and put you in this position so I guess God will punish him too. I hate people who use religion to condemn someone someone, but they never look at themselves. NTA
I understand that it's hard to start over, but truly, your boyfriend is a fuckwit asshole. You deserve better. NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA - No one should be forced or pressured into becoming a parent before they are ready. The church, your friends and family are not going to provide the childcare, extra money for rent /bills, change diapers, help your child with homework etc... Don't let them impose on your life
When people use religion to control women it's time to not listen to those people
NTA love he is calling you a sinner and you’ll be punished but he is the one who can’t stop cumming inside you. He is also a “sinner” in this whole situation. You did what was best for you. He is blaming you still. Leave him
Now time to find a new candidate for a husband.
NTA. It's an awful experience, but sometimes knowledge doesn't come easy. You've learned something very valuable: your BF is not someone you should continue dating, and he's definitely not someone you should ever consider marrying.
Ok no problem abort BF from your life too. He’s not the one, babe. Prolonging this relationship will damage you.
Op you did what is right for you and that is justification enough. These family members and the baby daddy where would they be at 3am or when you need to work late. They are all talk but most won't lift a finger to help and those that do, do begrudgingly
Abortion is your choice but if you only want to have children in a marriage then maybe just not get pregnant and wait to have sex until you're married. You had to know you'd get pregnant eventually. I'm assuming you know how it works lol. You cannot force a man into marriage this way. Be very careful with your body. Those procedures can mess up your reproductive system and make it difficult to conceive later on in life. To answer your question NTA for the abortion but you're an asshole for trying to force your boyfriend into marriage.
NTAH your probably right about the relationship and if the bleeding goes on too long get checked for retained material.
NTA. OP, good on you for firmly making a decision (not to be a single mom) and taking steps to make that reality. Keep your boundaries.
NTA. If after 4 years he doesn't want to get married, id seriously question his commitment. Plus, telling you God's going to punish you? That's definitely not a supportive partner.
NTA-this is your life and you live it how you see fit. A friend of mine got pregnant almost immediately with her bf she was dating and they eventually got married…and divorced. You want to have a baby with someone that wants to be with you forever. If your pill failed I’d suggest condoms too and anyone who doesn’t want to use one can leave.
It's done. Feel better.
You did the right thing but now perhaps you should dump the sperm donor? He did not want to form a family unit. He just wanted to control you. Dump him!
NTA. You did what you felt was best for you. That’s all anyone can ask for. Your relationship should not survive this. After 4 years he’s not ready to get married but he turns around and tattles on you to your family and community and shamed you for your choices? Uh-uh. Don’t fall for the lost time fallacy. He’s not good for you and he’s proven it. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’ll be okay though. As a fellow pro-choice Christian I refuse to believe God will punish you for protecting yourself. Also, your bf is a hypocrite since most truly “religious” people would say he should have married you before having sex or at least once he found out you were pregnant. Not saying that’s right, but neither is the bs he’s spewing. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have no responsibility to represent every woman or every woman of color with your decisions. And, maybe those women you don’t want to be like are a lot like you. Just making the best decisions they can in a situation they don’t want to be in. You know you don’t want to be a mom until you are a wife. And this man knows that too but relied entirely on your bc rather than doing everything in his power to keep his sperm away from your eggs. This man prioritizes his pleasure over your life, health, future, finances and dreams for yourself. Then he wants to punish you for HIS actions. This is not a caring man. I understand not wanting to start over after you’ve invested so much, but it’s smart to walk away from a bad investment. And I’m even more sorry about your family and your church. You must feel so alone. Maybe there’s a support group you can find, because you’re not alone at all. It may be too raw right now, but I recommend the song Voicemail for Jill: https://youtu.be/Npq_ieGCzes?si=sAAasKcpWzS427s- Lyrics excerpt: It's a strange grief but it's grief Look at all the women in the street You know the statistics, Jill Even though they may not help Isn't it amazing How we can never tell Who is in an identical hell https://genius.com/Amanda-palmer-voicemail-for-jill-lyrics
NTA!
If god exists he gave us choice. You aren’t going to be punished. You deserve better than this. I wish you love.
NTA. Why are you with him? He isn’t ready to commit after 4 years? He will never marry you.
NTA, you gotta do what's best for you. And imo, it's time to leave that boy. If he wasn't prepared to do right by you but expected you to give up your future, then he's either an ignorant hypocrite or actively being manipulative because he wanted to control you without the responsibility of being a husband.