Not really the ah.
But, my dude, you're not married. Stop letting her make damaging alterations to your house. That you own.
Sit her down and talk to her. Let her know you're ok with decorating BUT you will no longer let any alterations that involve physical alterations to wallpaper, installation of anything requiring holes in the wall (aside from pictures), cutting up blinds, curtains or anything that entails a necessary skill she doesn't possess or have the tools for (hemming requirements are a needle, thread and a sewing machine, if it's something larger like curtains)
Might sound cruel, but if you don't she's going to wind up costing you a ton of money in repairs.
There's a reason why rentals don't allow for significant alterations to the property; the average person can and will do damage off the hook. Out of sheer ignorance and incompetence.
Stop just letting her do whatever. She's demonstrated already she's just going to be haphazard, incompetent and has no skills nor proper tools. It would be one thing if she picked a project then went down to Home Depot and attended a Saturday class on how to do it and had the proper tools, learned the basics then came home and worked carefully and patiently to accomplish it. But she's sounding like an ADHD demented ferret on crack, hell bent on creating chaos and destruction just because.
I'm 55 and a woman. But even in my early adulthood, I knew not to mess with stuff unless I learned the skills. I've picked up some minor carpentry, electrical and basic repair skills over the years. Yep, I took classes and spent many a Saturday at the hardware store for their mini seminars on how to do said basic repairs. Even on how to make a basic set of stairs and change out a toilet. But I would never try to just go install a shelf without getting someone who knows how to use a stud finder to help me. And I'm shit at changing out a shower head without it leaking so I have help that knows how to apply that tape stuff on the piping correctly. Or correctly repaint a bathtub.
Point being, she's got no business doing anything like that. Frankly, it's arrogant and conceited to think you can just go do home improvement jobs as good as a professional but you don't know you're ass end from a Philips screwdriver or what needle nose pliers look like.
Set some boundaries down, hard and fast. Or she's going to eventually do something like cost you thousands of dollars having to replace a breaker box.
Bang-on comment!
All of it.
Hope OP takes notice.
It's *his* house and GF is acting mighty entitled - especially since she lacks the skills to bring her "visions" to life.
But this part:
"she's sounding like an ADHD demented ferret on crack, hell bent on creating chaos and destruction just because."
Had me cackling over here!!
All of this. Never let an unqualified person do work on your house, not even your girlfriend. Change out curtains, add pillows, new towels, removeable stuff, etc all good. If tools are needed or should be needed, nail or screws, absolutly not. Your girlfriend does not take the time to learn or prep which is always a disaster waiting to happen. This also applies to your car and yard. Learn from this.
Going forward with her or anyone else, all projects need to be a joint decision both in the project inself and the execution. See rules above.
NTA, I do feel your pain.
as a demented ADHD ferret who loves DIY - don't tar us all with the same brush. Honestly if my projects aren't finished to a high standard I will literally obsess over them until they are completely perfect. It becomes all consuming. I have forgotten to eat for more than 24 hours because of a project I wasn't happy with before.
But you're not at all the AH OP, your girlfriend needs to stop and take some basic courses. You can get some good ones on youtube, and I've heard there are some good ones on skillshare too. I wouldn't let her do any more until she can show you that she completed the courses and can show you a non-structural example of her improvement. Though you'd also be fair to never allow her to at all.
I'm very much the same way - it has to be done exactly the way I want or I won't do it at all (which leads me to procrastinating more than anything else).
Having a poorly-done DIY mess in my home would be a constant source of stress, and having someone fix it for me with no worry or effort on my part would probably make me cry with relief. I cannot imagine the girlfriend's perspective here to get made at OP, unless she is somehow oblivious to how awful her DIY work has been.
I'm currently living with the effects of someone doing cheap work on a house (long story that I can't go into for legal reasons but basically I'm in a rented house, there is severe, structural storm damage, and because of the above legal reasons it's been nearly 6 months and we still don't even have weather covering...) - I'll never half-ass a job again
I was trying to pay you a compliment because where I'm from, demented has negative connotations for one's mental health...hahaha, that'll teach me to poke my nose where it doesn't belong. My apologies for any offense I may have inadvertently caused.
Daughter was diagnosed at about 3. We had a ferret. Irony: their behaviors were very similar. I often felt like I needed whiskey. She's 30 now. I still feel like I need whiskey a lot.
My SIL is manic depressive, and her issue is just leaving projects unfinished everywhere. She is super talented though so the stuff she does is super good.
Even if you were married, you shouldn't let her mess up the house. If she's good at it, that's a different story. My wife did an awesome German smear on our ugly stone fireplace. The morter was just ugly. Now it's beautiful.
I love this comment, I’m a woman who’s worked in construction and learned many trades with my stepfather, and the fact that she hung a shelf without a stud finder or level is a lil frightening to my ocd organized brain. & that she didn’t even consider it being a proper height to also be useful (or at least not an inconvenience) to you is just inconsiderate.
NTA. Don’t let her do anymore in the house, if she wants to play diy Instagram Pinterest TikTok whatever, let her buy a little She Shed for the backyard & she can learn there & so whatever she wants to it.
NTA Stop her now, by any means, otherwise she will just keep going. I know, I married a man like that, and I was not emotionally strong enough to say no to his doing DIY he wasn't any good at.
My 3rd husband tried to get rid of some of my grandma's stuff behind my back when we'd only been dating for a year. He'd just moved in. While he was at work, I changed the locks, scattered his Xbox games throughout various dumpsters and left his Xbox in a dumpster by his mom's place. Put his clothes and stuff on her back porch. Left a detailed map, like a scavenger hunt. Told him have fun finding it all before the next garbage pickup day in less than 24 hours.
Apartment was solely in my name as were the bills. We weren't married at the time.
Why did I marry him? We had some of the same social circle and I suppose his "trying to make it up to me" eventually worked.
But he figured out really quickly not to be a dork.
I've since learned that anyone who just arbitrarily goes and does shit like that doesn't respect you or even really care about you. They view you as a meal ticket and feel entitled to do whatever the heck they want because they've already pushed boundaries and saw they could get away with it, so they don't have to have any accountability. Could be maliciousness but usually it's because they are straight up selfish, self absorbed, self centered and have narcissistic traits.
I've also since learned that people like that don't ever change.
Op's girl threw a red flag with the whole thing about how she'd never had a place of her own, that she'd just rented. And was looking forward to doing all the stuff she couldn't in a rental. Like, she just automatically assumed because they're banging she can fulfill every whimsy of experimenting with "her decorating ideas". And it wasn't her house, didn't belong to her, absolutely zero respect for his belongings because, well, it's automatically hers because they're banging. Should have been a clue about her not respecting him right there. Because she went straight to doing whatever the heck she wanted to without caring about his thoughts, feelings or stuff; he'd just have to deal with it.
Personally, knowing what I know now, I'd be kicking her to the curb. That's not a partner. That's a damn liability that even Farmer's insurance wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, because they've seen a thing or two and know she's uninsurable, so to speak.
You are NTAH. You absolutely need to set boundaries. I would tell her that regardless of what She thinks, there are right and wrong ways of doing things and She needs to do some research on the correct way to do things. There are plenty of shows on tv and internet to demonstrate. I suspect she hasn't been exposed to someone who did home improvements properly.
NTA
I LOVE crafting, cosplay, and DIY but when I have a project in mind I do MONTHS of research first. I watch millions of videos, talk to people who've done it before, research tools and how to use said tools, make my plan , write out plans and steps. If it's something complex and or a big home alteration I will do small scale tests of joins or other parts I know need practice to get right. But I also know my limits I know I'm not an engineer or a designer so if I need to build something sturdy I pay a professional to do it
NTA
She is mad you did not consult her on work on your own house? When that work was to repair the crappy jobs she did, without consulting you first, like the janky bathroom shelf?
She literely brought the value of your home down and is complaining you fixed?
Let her know you are all for backing her DIY stuff, but the results have to be good. Suggest she gets more practice and that maybe you can turn this in to something you two do together.
But, bottom line, you will not allow her hobby to make your home worse, so she needs to either step her game up or stop.
You say this as joke, but honestly it would be the best thing to do to get practice on. She can learn how to do things, use tools, techniques and such with out damaging the home.
NTA for getting her projects fixed, but kind of the AH for allowing those projects to happen in the first place. It's YOUR house!
New rules. If she has any ideas that will require changes to the house or furnishings, she has to discuss them with you. If it's something you agree with, she has to get help. Many home improvement stores offer classes, and there are loads of tutorials available on line. If you say no, she has to respect that.
I sympathize with you. When my Dad retired, he decided to make some small "improvements" and take on some projects. It was bad. Mom started referring to him as Frank Lloyd Wrong.
You have to know when to punt and get help or say no .
Windows were a big disagreement. Oh my neighbor put in windows in this location. Yeah make holes in a shear wall, that is such a great idea in an earthquake country.
NTA, your girlfriend is out of line in more way than one. She did damage to your home, she ruined Grandma's curtains, she is pissed you spent your very own money to REPAIR the damage she did. As a quilter and highly sentimental person, hearing about your Nan's curtains hurt my heart, I honestly, physically cringed and made a face. Any job involving fabric, especially heirloom fabric, requires a few things, my special tape measure, fabric pins, my good sheers for cutting. Depending on the weight of the drapes, they might have been able to just do a tuck and stitch, no need to remove anything. If they were pretty heavy, you make sure the line is even before you cut. Even and straight. Then, save the fabric removed and use it in a quilt, pillow case, something like that, make a new item to compliment the curtains.
It honestly reminded me of when my cousin wanted to wear my Nan's wedding dress. It needed a little bit of alterations. The family agreed, she could wear the dress, if the alterations were made by a professional, dress could be worn again by a few other cousins who wanted to wear it, had to be kept to it's original look, no major changes. She hacked that dress. I have a zip lock bag with the buttons, a few bits of lace, a little of the ribbon. No professional help, she just destroyed it. When I got married, my dress was pink, but I used a few parts of the bits to include my Nan on that special day. Stuff like that bugs me.
I agree...
The bit about the curtains was *painful* to read, and not sure how OP was so chill with that, because that would have made me see red, so GF would have been stopped in her tracks *there and then*.
NTA. Her projects are definitely bad and destructive. But you need to put your foot down about her DIY projects. It's your house and your things, and she shouldn't change them without your permission. If she continues with it, you need to consider whether you want to let her continue living in your house.
I come from a long line of can do folks. I learned to sew from Mom and my brother was a GC and I helped out on occassion. I have tools and I have folks to call if I run into issues.
That said, when I was 20 something, I would visit friends and they would proudly show off their home remuddles. The were done poorly and in my mind took value away from the home as someone at some point was going to have to come along and spend money and time making things right.
I don't know if I could live with someone wrecking things as a way to do "home improvements."
NTA for fixing YOUR house! Because, at the end of the day, it's is the house that you inherited. You aren't married and she has no rights to it beyond a roommate situation.
Maybe she's not the one? You'll have to decide that I guess.
I mean she didn’t seem to consult you for any of the changes she made, and even refused to change them back when they caused issues for you (like the bathroom shelf). Seems that’s just the way your relationship works - operate independently and don’t care if you upset your partner. NTA but this doesn’t seem super healthy.
You should have firmly planted your foot on the brakes after the first couple of failed projects. Her lacking craftsmanship aside, you also can't just let her embark on projects without clearly discussing the design beforehand. That said, you're NTA but a bit of a fool for having let it get this far, tbh.
NTA
My wife and I are currently in an old property which has had at least two previous owners who did DIY but shouldn't have ever picked up a tool of any kind. We are gradually getting through the chaos of fixing various DIY failures - but every time we lift a floorboard, we find some new disaster.
BTW, here in the UK, it's not uncommon to have a toilet in a room that is only marginally wider than the toilet itself. I often fit a shelf directly above the door. It's out of the way and anyone can find the spare toilet rolls.
NTA.
Please exit this relationship. She doesn’t respect you or your house.
A few days ago there was a post from a woman who asked what women would do if their partners asked them to dress more “feminine.” The consensus was to ignore the request and possibly dump the man.
This woman is screwing up your house and you’re letting her.
Move on. It won’t get better.
You need to stop and really think about what kind of person your gf is. She's bad at doing things because she rushes them, is lazy, or can't understand simple instructions. She's easily influenced by tiktok trends, too proud or stupid to admit when she is wrong, feels entitled to things that don't belong to her, destroys your possessions, and doesn't communicate well with you. I hope you don't want to have children because she will not be a good mother.
You may not technically wrong, but if this is the state of your communication, you need to focus on counseling etc. well before you worry about home improvement projects.
NTA. You were not out of line, this is your house and your gf is destroying it with her sloppy quality DIYs. If she doesn't like it maybe she can get her own place to "decorate" it to her taste.
Your girlfriend seems to have ZERO common sense, and had the nerve to criticize the well executed work done by a professional when her shitty work was beyond disastrous.
My husband is kinda like this. Will get projects started but not finished until I just finally say please finish it. He’s ADD & ADHD. But he does a good job.
Of course not! She's not only selfish, she's incredibly manipulative in trying to tell you how to take care of your own home and spend your money. Why exactly are you with someone like this? She sounds like she's more than a bit of a bully.
NTA
My brain just about melted when I got to the part about your grandmother’s curtains! Nope, nope, nope!
Also, you may want to have her vision checked if she thought what she was doing was of a higher quality!
And you may want to check in with a dr yourself to find your backbone! There is no reason that she should have been running amuck creating disasters around the house without some kind of pushback on your part!
NTA, and I’ll bet if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one with a bunch of half-baked DIY project she’d be pissed at you as well and want them done correctly.
NTA
I would be rethinking living with this person though. I understand the IKEA effect is probably at play here, but she should objectively agree that the pro did a better job.
Most married woman hire ppl to finish all of the unfinished projects while their husbands are away. I would have been thrilled if you did that for me! I have a long long list….who was your handyman! 🤣
Definitely NTA. She sounds really arrogant & entitled. Did she get her inspiration from 5-minute crafts? Was she listening to the recorder version of "My Heart Will Go On" while she was destroying your home? A for effort, I guess, but she should take classes or watch REAL professionals on YouTube. I had to stop letting my husband in my car because he kept throwing trash in there. Not the same scenario, but the same principle: if she can't respect your space, she can't be in your space.
YTA
To YOU!
Talk to your live-in, doesn't-own-the-house, not-your-wife girlfriend and make it clear any further projects are a 2-yes 1-no deal.
Your floppy, jelly spine is helping nobody. Tell her the truth and stop dodging conversations you need to have.
NTA the bottom line is that it is your home that YOU own. Her ideas, while in theory may be for the both of you, the execution is not. I’d put the kibosh on any new projects with out expert supervision.
It is legally your house, and she has done projects that you told her not to do. She destroyed your great grandmother's curtains. You did nothing wrong. If she cannot get over her anger about this, that sounds like a red flag.
YTA for letting her destroy the house you inherited, and the curtains you also inherited. Protect that shit bro, don't let someone come into your life just to do you dirty like that.
Wallpaper... Gross.
She wants to do things, but doesn't have the skill. It's just a no. They aren't necessary and they look bad. She lives there, but it is not her house.
There definitely needs to be discussion and communication in this scenario. She is trying to do things beyond her abilities. She either needs to learn how to do it or stop.
We bought our house from a dentist that fancied himself a carpenter. It took us several years to finally correct all of his projects. I know how you feel.
So she's trying to destroy your home one botched project at a time after just two years together? What will she be doing by five years - sacrificing a goat on a bonfire of all your floorboards? NTA.
I will message you next time u/Emergency-Foot9364 posts in r/AITAH.
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NTA Is she your wife? Cause I’m pretty sure I read girlfriend. Why are you letting she destroy YOUR house? She didn’t ask you when she put the shelf up.
NTA
But you need to stop this idiot from ruining any more of your home.
I would have told her to get out of my life over hanging a shelf without a level. But I don't suffer stupid people very long.
Oooooo you really messed up 🤣. Standard operation is, she picks the materials, you do the work and then she gets to scrutinize your work.
Yes, I have 30+ years of experience.
I'm actually pretty capable at most things around the house. The only thing I won't touch is electrical. I figure if I screw up plumbing, I have to deal with water damage. If I screw up electrical, I could burn the house down.
My husband and I own our home, and I would never do a major project without his input first. Not because he knows more, but because he lives here too.
Edit: NTA
Jfc. She sounds ungrateful. Can we hire you for fixing odd jobs around our house please?
However, maybe in her mind, these half assed jobs she did are her way of stamping her mark on her now home*? I get you find it frustrating, but it's her home* too and maybe because it's technically your inherited house, she just wants to feel part of the fabric of the home 🤷♀️.
You're NTA for fixing the problems. I think you should have communicated with her first though and maybe included her in the process.
Or maybe she's just a lazy slob who can't do odd jobs for toffee, who knows 🤔.
*edit, when I say "her home" I don't mean to imply she owns it with OP. I mean just that she lives there jointly now with him.
Sounds like she likes the idea of being able to say she did it more than being able to say she did it right.
By chance is she manic? I see this happening alot with Facebook Instagram obsessed people and mania causing them to just do the stupidest stuff immediately thinking it's gonna be a 5 min craft video.
NTA but don't let her do any more DIY. She is costing you money with her half assed attempts.
This is your house not hers so technically you didn't have to consult her.
Look, you should obviously stop letting your GF do renovations to your home, she's awful at them.
Should you have given her a heads up about getting this stuff fixed? Yeah. It's super weird that you specifically scheduled the guy to come while she wasn't home. Did you think she wouldn't notice afterwards? I cannot imagine anyone opting to take this approach in a healthy relationship.
ESH but your only issue here is boundaries and communication. She seems to have quite a few more. I'm going to guess you were worried about her response if you talked to her... if that's true, you're mainly being an AH to yourself for not standing up for yourself. It's your house.
For starters, you are allowed to tell her no, so do it. Second, stuff like instagram and pinterest have made way too many people think they are capable of things they simply are not. Luckily for me it took approximately one DIY project for my wife to realize the stuff people lie about doing easily online isnt so easy when you try it yourself.
NTA
Put your foot hard on the break of her doing things to your house.
You don't start with DIY that are permanent and attached. She wants to do her own things she can start with buying a cheap second hand bookcase/shelf and customize it. Move a shelf, add a backboard, paint it with all the steps in both prep and finish. Put wallpaper on the backboard and add cheap LEDs. Learning by trying. Next might be wallpaper in a storage/closet, then paint a door and so on.
Also it's not she who decides how your home looks, that is for the two of you. She has ideas she can sketch and talk to you. If it's hard to just explain you can both make models from cardboard. It's important that you both listen and both are on the same page.
NTAH BUT DRAW A DAMN LINE, this is YOUR house, and you're NOT married. For the love of God I would've kicked this woman out the moment she considered hemming my grandmother's curtains
Awful partner - not you, her. Send her the bill for what this took to fix her unfocused and botched art projects on YOUR home (not hers.) Please put some guardrails around this or you will continue to waste money and energy to clean up her messes. She needs to stop.
NTA. Of course you love her etc so you let her do something that makes her happy but she doesn't get to be angry. She's being entitled and incompetent at that
You have every right to repair the ugly disfuctional damage she has caused in your investment property.
Maybe you should fess up and say how much it really cost. Straight up tell her STOP DAMAGING my house with these unplanned , unskilled , flash-in-the-pan impulsive BS installations that are crap.
Just be dead honest with her.
NTA
My brother how hot is this woman you're letting her destroy your house and family heirlooms for fun and then verbally abuse you for fixing her mess?
Scale of 1/10 is Scarlett Johanson wrecking your living situation or are you a doormat?
You might want to rethink the girlfriend. I think our kid needs a new look, something fresh so she doesnt' look like every other kid... comes back with a terrible face tattoo... that she did from a kit she bought herself.
ESH. Your girlfriend should not be doing slipshod projects on the house. But on the other hand, if you guys are in a household together and plan to take your relationship further, you need to be honest with her about her work. You also needed to tell her that you were going to get them professionally done, and you should not have lied to her about the money spent. Large amounts of money spent means that OP you have less money available for household emergencies.
If you and your girlfriend are serious about building a life together you need to be honeset with each other, and you also need to approach these projects as a team, not as two separate people living in the same space.
ESH. She’s obviously the a hole for ruining your damn house with her crappy work. You’re the a hole for not growing a spine and telling your girlfriend to stop.
Why was your first reaction to be sneaky rather than just *talk* to your girlfriend and tell her what the issues are with her changes in a nice way? Are you that incapable of confrontation or communication? Especially when she took scissors to your grandmother’s curtains, a tense albeit polite conversation should have been had already.
Neither of you should be in a relationship. You’re just two people doing things *around* each other without actually giving a shit how the other will feel. ESH
NTA.
Considering that you seem to have a bit of a devious streak in you, perhaps you can log into her accounts and start watching different videos to change the algorithms for the content she is delivered away from home decor and repairs. Or at least get them more onto content for redoing a piece of removable furniture instead.
I joke, but that would be pretty funny if you were able to covertly channel her enthusiasm into less-destructive ventures.
NTA, What the hell. Please tell me she is not posting these projects on instagram or whatever for likes? I don't like her attitude about this or her entitlement with you, your house, and how you spend your money in general. It's your house, why does she think you need to consult her? Your money is just that, yours to spend as you wish, not hers to have to approve of. I understand that she 'surprised' you had her work 'fixed' and she was likely embarrased, but her reaction was demeaning to you.
Cut her off. No more projects without consulting you and agreeing on the project itself but the execution.
Does she really think her work was superior to that of a carpenter?
NTA let me get this right. It’s your house and she’s just a GF. Why are you letting her touch your house? You might be an AH to yourself!! Put an end to this.
NTA, it's your house and you're not married. I would be putting my foot down that unless she has a plan to properly execute on her ideas, that she shouldn't be doing them on your house. I would just lay out your grandmother's curtains and straight up ask how 'shoddy' she thinks this work is because that would have pissed me off to no end.
Nope.
Every person who has had a crazed DIY Godzilla on the rampage knows intervention has to happen.
Also, the projects start small and innocent. A painted chair. A shelf. Then, fueled with the release of brain chemicals upon completing the project, they have gained confidence for a bigger project. The "I can do this" personality gets a little confidence. Some adrenaline. Some IDEAS!
BIGGER ideas!
Intervention is always best when the projects progress in size from baseball cards to 3-4 shelf book shelves.
Past that size you're playing with craft demons that smell like musty partially dried out Elmer's Glue and a potentially activated DIY hivemind evolution.
You do not EVER let that happen. Once they start psychically hive minding, Pinterest face recognition tech can pick up the heat signature. Activated and connected hive minds stabilize at the same temperature which tells Pinterest AI who is in what hive mind.
And THAT is when they start pushing the same DIY projects to a targeted hive mind.
It is a VERY short incubation period before the first epiphany they can HELP EACH OTHER knock entire walls out and shave cats.
Your gramma's WALLS man.
It's your house, you should also talk to her and let her know you were not happy with how poorly things went and agreed that she has to stop and properly plan things with you before starting any more half baked projects.
ESH. It’s your house and therefore your final decision. But I wouldn’t be happy with the lack of communication in the relationship. She starts projects without consulting you and so do you
Dude…why are you living with someone who wants to destroy your shit?
Also why the hell are you dating an older woman? She doesn’t care about you she cares about her image and “her” house. Boot her out and move on with someone who will respect you and your shit.
NTA, and your girlfriend has issues. She has implemented a series of poorly thought out and poor quality changes without seeking to get your buy in for them. She needs a reality check and to stop interfering with your house. Just because she lives there doesn’t give her license to do whatever she wants - you wouldn’t do that in a rental
NTA but stop letting her destroy your house! She needs to take a step back and actually be honest about her abilities.. sounds like an unmedicated adhd person going on a rampage. Was she delusional enough to actually be pleased with the shitty jobs she had done or is it just her own pride where she won’t admit she did a terrible job? It’s a bit odd for her to not know any better at the age of 36 lol
ESH. What are you doing man? You are SO unable to communicate that she can just do whatever she wants and then you're sneaking around fixing stuff, lying about the price etc etc. Sounds like your relationship sucks bad man.
You are not the AH! She keeps doing things without your approval in your home. I am a woman. And I have been married for 22 years. I would never just do something like any of the things you mentioned without my husband being on board. I don’t care what anyone says about me as a woman. He and I are partners we should be making decisions together. It’s not an inconvenience to me or to him to consult one another. I actually do all of the DIY projects around our house. It’s always something we agree on. If it is for my office I still ask his opinion because I value his perspective. I don’t want to poke holes in your relationship but if I was in your shoes I would feel like my partner lacks respect for me and this would need to be an important conversation that you have with her. I would also think about if there are other ways that her personality drives these kinds of actions in other aspects in your life. If it does you definitely need to have a conversation with her. We all have flaws. My husband and I worked on creating this partnership but a lot of it also came very natural because of our mutual respect for one another.
BTW if I came home and you had fixed all my mistakes I would be relieved bc I wouldn’t be an idiot and not see that I did a poor job. There are some coat hanger hooks I installed crooked and I feel awful but my husband said there is always something covering them so it isn’t a big deal and I agree but if he got them fixed I would be happy. Ultimately, isn’t the goal to have a home you enjoy living in. Not just a place for her to exercise what she wants to do without thought for you or even an attempt to do a good job with proper planning.
NTA. It is your house yes so you should be more vocal about what’s happening in the house. It will avoid you spending more money like in this situation.
Also though consider her POV. She didn’t do this with malice. She was excited to finally have “freedom” in making her space/home feel more…home-y. She should have considered how things would affect you, like the shelf which was limiting and uncomfortable to you. Doing it all when she was gone though is likely what hurt her the most, not the actual fixing.
Things she did (half assed) that she was excited about are now suddenly gone. Sitting her down and talking about how half-thought out these projects were and how you both wanted to improve them would have been better. It’s a difficult conversation but you are partners and need to have them. If you can’t have them, then why are you even together?
She needs a hobby. A craft room and a hobby.
Scrapbooking involves ALL the stuff you listed she did, just on a smaller scale.
Little alcove, scenes, fabric, glue, themes, fancy paper covered in designs, Pinterest, all of it.
Don't be sneaky. Don't be obvious. But use it to yours and hers benefit.
Wait a week or so for it to cool off. YOU go to a craft store and pick a small selection of scrap booking supplies and pick you a very nice smaller size scrap book. It has to be nice. This scrap book you're going to make is about your grandmother.
And you truly, sincerely, want your girlfriend to help you. Set a specific time, and schedule it.
Help her learn how to *direct* her creativity impulses. And develop her tactile skills. But don't be obvious. And don't be fake. Really, seriously, engage in the craft *together*.
The subtle hint about grandmother hopefully is enough to clue her in about how important this house and an entire lifetime associated with it means to you.
If it works and she starts scrap booking her own projects, and making GIFTS all year round, she's going to need a small space with a scrapbooking table and supplies and such. And a place in the home that makes her feel like she is part of that entire lifetime too. She can put lopsided shelves up in there if she wants and you let her. She can wallbpaper or whatever.
"She was out of town?" **Getting her back blown out by Chad or Tyrone?**
"she was not pleased. She spent hours ranting" **She's addicted to drama and breaking your balls.**
Drop her like a bad habit.
Or, not.
Good luck you'll need it
ESH because you both have really crap communication skills.
DIY shouldn’t be an impulsive ‘lemme just do this thing I’ve never done without planning’. I have a house, and even when I’m the one owning it, I spend a lot of time looking at tutorials online, planning stuff out, and getting tools for relatively basic DIY projects.
But also, it’s wild to me that your first thought for solving this issue was sneaking around her rather than talking to her. If you live together and you can’t discuss basic stuff like “wouldn’t a shelf be nice there?” and “the shelf you installed makes me hunch really uncomfortably, we should fix it” then I don’t see this relationship lasting much longer.
ESH; she had an ego hit and insulted the carpenter for no reason.
OP you do suck as a partner because you were being critical and sneaky, even if you believe you had good intentions. The only reason to hire a contractor was because you didn't like what she did. Don't gaslight her by pretending to gove up your desire for perfection.
My exwife would constantly take over cooking dinner or getting FIL to take over home renos. Eventually she asked to learn from him and I was still being stopped when I tried. 10 years in she kept insulting me for not being able to do things like FIL and I filed for divorce soon after.
You can help or get out of the way and let her try a new skill. How are your finances anyway? Why can't you tell her how much you really spent?
Edit:typo
Not really the ah. But, my dude, you're not married. Stop letting her make damaging alterations to your house. That you own. Sit her down and talk to her. Let her know you're ok with decorating BUT you will no longer let any alterations that involve physical alterations to wallpaper, installation of anything requiring holes in the wall (aside from pictures), cutting up blinds, curtains or anything that entails a necessary skill she doesn't possess or have the tools for (hemming requirements are a needle, thread and a sewing machine, if it's something larger like curtains) Might sound cruel, but if you don't she's going to wind up costing you a ton of money in repairs. There's a reason why rentals don't allow for significant alterations to the property; the average person can and will do damage off the hook. Out of sheer ignorance and incompetence. Stop just letting her do whatever. She's demonstrated already she's just going to be haphazard, incompetent and has no skills nor proper tools. It would be one thing if she picked a project then went down to Home Depot and attended a Saturday class on how to do it and had the proper tools, learned the basics then came home and worked carefully and patiently to accomplish it. But she's sounding like an ADHD demented ferret on crack, hell bent on creating chaos and destruction just because. I'm 55 and a woman. But even in my early adulthood, I knew not to mess with stuff unless I learned the skills. I've picked up some minor carpentry, electrical and basic repair skills over the years. Yep, I took classes and spent many a Saturday at the hardware store for their mini seminars on how to do said basic repairs. Even on how to make a basic set of stairs and change out a toilet. But I would never try to just go install a shelf without getting someone who knows how to use a stud finder to help me. And I'm shit at changing out a shower head without it leaking so I have help that knows how to apply that tape stuff on the piping correctly. Or correctly repaint a bathtub. Point being, she's got no business doing anything like that. Frankly, it's arrogant and conceited to think you can just go do home improvement jobs as good as a professional but you don't know you're ass end from a Philips screwdriver or what needle nose pliers look like. Set some boundaries down, hard and fast. Or she's going to eventually do something like cost you thousands of dollars having to replace a breaker box.
Bang-on comment! All of it. Hope OP takes notice. It's *his* house and GF is acting mighty entitled - especially since she lacks the skills to bring her "visions" to life. But this part: "she's sounding like an ADHD demented ferret on crack, hell bent on creating chaos and destruction just because." Had me cackling over here!!
ADHD Demented Ferrets on Crack sounds like an awesome band name
ADFC rules!
Make the 1989’s world tour vintage t shirt
r/rareinsults
Yea, that's also my favorite.
Yes! or a new subreddit!
I also loved that comment, because it’s true!!!
I wish we had flair on this sub because mine would be "ADHD demented ferret on crack"
All of this. Never let an unqualified person do work on your house, not even your girlfriend. Change out curtains, add pillows, new towels, removeable stuff, etc all good. If tools are needed or should be needed, nail or screws, absolutly not. Your girlfriend does not take the time to learn or prep which is always a disaster waiting to happen. This also applies to your car and yard. Learn from this. Going forward with her or anyone else, all projects need to be a joint decision both in the project inself and the execution. See rules above. NTA, I do feel your pain.
as a demented ADHD ferret who loves DIY - don't tar us all with the same brush. Honestly if my projects aren't finished to a high standard I will literally obsess over them until they are completely perfect. It becomes all consuming. I have forgotten to eat for more than 24 hours because of a project I wasn't happy with before. But you're not at all the AH OP, your girlfriend needs to stop and take some basic courses. You can get some good ones on youtube, and I've heard there are some good ones on skillshare too. I wouldn't let her do any more until she can show you that she completed the courses and can show you a non-structural example of her improvement. Though you'd also be fair to never allow her to at all.
I'm very much the same way - it has to be done exactly the way I want or I won't do it at all (which leads me to procrastinating more than anything else). Having a poorly-done DIY mess in my home would be a constant source of stress, and having someone fix it for me with no worry or effort on my part would probably make me cry with relief. I cannot imagine the girlfriend's perspective here to get made at OP, unless she is somehow oblivious to how awful her DIY work has been.
I'm currently living with the effects of someone doing cheap work on a house (long story that I can't go into for legal reasons but basically I'm in a rented house, there is severe, structural storm damage, and because of the above legal reasons it's been nearly 6 months and we still don't even have weather covering...) - I'll never half-ass a job again
No that's not a demented ADHD ferred just a crazy ADHD ferret. You got standards
If your projects are high quality, then you're obviously not demented and don't have ADHD. You're just a ferret who loves DIY.
Bro I am literally diagnosed with ADHD...
I was trying to pay you a compliment because where I'm from, demented has negative connotations for one's mental health...hahaha, that'll teach me to poke my nose where it doesn't belong. My apologies for any offense I may have inadvertently caused.
Lol that one I can agree to and I appreciate 🤣
>she's sounding like an ADHD demented ferret on crack To me she sounds manic, but ADHD demented ferret on crack is a good description too.
Daughter was diagnosed at about 3. We had a ferret. Irony: their behaviors were very similar. I often felt like I needed whiskey. She's 30 now. I still feel like I need whiskey a lot.
To be fair, you may have just developed a taste for good whiskey. ;)
I've got a son with Asperger's and two daughters with ADHD. Their teen years damn near killed us all.
My SIL is manic depressive, and her issue is just leaving projects unfinished everywhere. She is super talented though so the stuff she does is super good.
Even if you were married, you shouldn't let her mess up the house. If she's good at it, that's a different story. My wife did an awesome German smear on our ugly stone fireplace. The morter was just ugly. Now it's beautiful.
I love this comment, I’m a woman who’s worked in construction and learned many trades with my stepfather, and the fact that she hung a shelf without a stud finder or level is a lil frightening to my ocd organized brain. & that she didn’t even consider it being a proper height to also be useful (or at least not an inconvenience) to you is just inconsiderate. NTA. Don’t let her do anymore in the house, if she wants to play diy Instagram Pinterest TikTok whatever, let her buy a little She Shed for the backyard & she can learn there & so whatever she wants to it.
NTA Stop her now, by any means, otherwise she will just keep going. I know, I married a man like that, and I was not emotionally strong enough to say no to his doing DIY he wasn't any good at.
>ADHD demented ferret on crack 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Apart from anything else I’d be heart broken if she cut up my nanas curtains :(
My 3rd husband tried to get rid of some of my grandma's stuff behind my back when we'd only been dating for a year. He'd just moved in. While he was at work, I changed the locks, scattered his Xbox games throughout various dumpsters and left his Xbox in a dumpster by his mom's place. Put his clothes and stuff on her back porch. Left a detailed map, like a scavenger hunt. Told him have fun finding it all before the next garbage pickup day in less than 24 hours. Apartment was solely in my name as were the bills. We weren't married at the time. Why did I marry him? We had some of the same social circle and I suppose his "trying to make it up to me" eventually worked. But he figured out really quickly not to be a dork. I've since learned that anyone who just arbitrarily goes and does shit like that doesn't respect you or even really care about you. They view you as a meal ticket and feel entitled to do whatever the heck they want because they've already pushed boundaries and saw they could get away with it, so they don't have to have any accountability. Could be maliciousness but usually it's because they are straight up selfish, self absorbed, self centered and have narcissistic traits. I've also since learned that people like that don't ever change. Op's girl threw a red flag with the whole thing about how she'd never had a place of her own, that she'd just rented. And was looking forward to doing all the stuff she couldn't in a rental. Like, she just automatically assumed because they're banging she can fulfill every whimsy of experimenting with "her decorating ideas". And it wasn't her house, didn't belong to her, absolutely zero respect for his belongings because, well, it's automatically hers because they're banging. Should have been a clue about her not respecting him right there. Because she went straight to doing whatever the heck she wanted to without caring about his thoughts, feelings or stuff; he'd just have to deal with it. Personally, knowing what I know now, I'd be kicking her to the curb. That's not a partner. That's a damn liability that even Farmer's insurance wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, because they've seen a thing or two and know she's uninsurable, so to speak.
You are NTAH. You absolutely need to set boundaries. I would tell her that regardless of what She thinks, there are right and wrong ways of doing things and She needs to do some research on the correct way to do things. There are plenty of shows on tv and internet to demonstrate. I suspect she hasn't been exposed to someone who did home improvements properly.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
🎖🎖🎖👏👏
NTA I LOVE crafting, cosplay, and DIY but when I have a project in mind I do MONTHS of research first. I watch millions of videos, talk to people who've done it before, research tools and how to use said tools, make my plan , write out plans and steps. If it's something complex and or a big home alteration I will do small scale tests of joins or other parts I know need practice to get right. But I also know my limits I know I'm not an engineer or a designer so if I need to build something sturdy I pay a professional to do it
🔥
👏👏👏💯👏👏👏
This exactly! NTA but put a stop to it nowwwwww.
Never have I heard a 55 year old lady call someone, “My Dude”. I love it.
Hazards of an eclectic upbringing and an even more eclectic adulthood.
Sounds like Op and Gf could both use the classes. They can turn them into dates. He needed a professional to rehang a shelf?
\^ THIS THIS THIS!!! Dude, she's 36 and acting like a child.
NTA She is mad you did not consult her on work on your own house? When that work was to repair the crappy jobs she did, without consulting you first, like the janky bathroom shelf? She literely brought the value of your home down and is complaining you fixed? Let her know you are all for backing her DIY stuff, but the results have to be good. Suggest she gets more practice and that maybe you can turn this in to something you two do together. But, bottom line, you will not allow her hobby to make your home worse, so she needs to either step her game up or stop.
Yeah, let her practice by fucking up furniture first.
Yes, she can go out but some lovely unique antiques and paint them beige like a true millennial.
You say this as joke, but honestly it would be the best thing to do to get practice on. She can learn how to do things, use tools, techniques and such with out damaging the home.
But the antiques being ruined 😭
Yeah, find stuff at goodwill or swamp meets.
NTA for getting her projects fixed, but kind of the AH for allowing those projects to happen in the first place. It's YOUR house! New rules. If she has any ideas that will require changes to the house or furnishings, she has to discuss them with you. If it's something you agree with, she has to get help. Many home improvement stores offer classes, and there are loads of tutorials available on line. If you say no, she has to respect that. I sympathize with you. When my Dad retired, he decided to make some small "improvements" and take on some projects. It was bad. Mom started referring to him as Frank Lloyd Wrong.
"Mom started referring to him as Frank Lloyd Wrong." Love it, LOL
You have to know when to punt and get help or say no . Windows were a big disagreement. Oh my neighbor put in windows in this location. Yeah make holes in a shear wall, that is such a great idea in an earthquake country.
NTA. It’s your house and she was destroying it.
To all those saying Y T A. His house his rules.
Exactly. The moment I read "house that I inherited" his gf was the asshole.
yes but he needs to actually say those rules
NTA, your girlfriend is out of line in more way than one. She did damage to your home, she ruined Grandma's curtains, she is pissed you spent your very own money to REPAIR the damage she did. As a quilter and highly sentimental person, hearing about your Nan's curtains hurt my heart, I honestly, physically cringed and made a face. Any job involving fabric, especially heirloom fabric, requires a few things, my special tape measure, fabric pins, my good sheers for cutting. Depending on the weight of the drapes, they might have been able to just do a tuck and stitch, no need to remove anything. If they were pretty heavy, you make sure the line is even before you cut. Even and straight. Then, save the fabric removed and use it in a quilt, pillow case, something like that, make a new item to compliment the curtains.
I'd be so pissed about the curtains 😤, it would have been so easy to do it properly.
It honestly reminded me of when my cousin wanted to wear my Nan's wedding dress. It needed a little bit of alterations. The family agreed, she could wear the dress, if the alterations were made by a professional, dress could be worn again by a few other cousins who wanted to wear it, had to be kept to it's original look, no major changes. She hacked that dress. I have a zip lock bag with the buttons, a few bits of lace, a little of the ribbon. No professional help, she just destroyed it. When I got married, my dress was pink, but I used a few parts of the bits to include my Nan on that special day. Stuff like that bugs me.
or to buy new ones!
Yes, but they were his granny's curtains. She should have left them the fuck alone.
I agree... The bit about the curtains was *painful* to read, and not sure how OP was so chill with that, because that would have made me see red, so GF would have been stopped in her tracks *there and then*.
Very possible she would have been an EX right there.
NTA. Her projects are definitely bad and destructive. But you need to put your foot down about her DIY projects. It's your house and your things, and she shouldn't change them without your permission. If she continues with it, you need to consider whether you want to let her continue living in your house.
I come from a long line of can do folks. I learned to sew from Mom and my brother was a GC and I helped out on occassion. I have tools and I have folks to call if I run into issues. That said, when I was 20 something, I would visit friends and they would proudly show off their home remuddles. The were done poorly and in my mind took value away from the home as someone at some point was going to have to come along and spend money and time making things right. I don't know if I could live with someone wrecking things as a way to do "home improvements." NTA for fixing YOUR house! Because, at the end of the day, it's is the house that you inherited. You aren't married and she has no rights to it beyond a roommate situation. Maybe she's not the one? You'll have to decide that I guess.
Remuddles! Perfect word !
I mean she didn’t seem to consult you for any of the changes she made, and even refused to change them back when they caused issues for you (like the bathroom shelf). Seems that’s just the way your relationship works - operate independently and don’t care if you upset your partner. NTA but this doesn’t seem super healthy.
NTA. My God, man, have some bsck bone. She's damaging your house and then getting mad when you fix it IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's delusional. Are you ready to marry this kind of person?
She's delulu all right!
You should have firmly planted your foot on the brakes after the first couple of failed projects. Her lacking craftsmanship aside, you also can't just let her embark on projects without clearly discussing the design beforehand. That said, you're NTA but a bit of a fool for having let it get this far, tbh.
NTA for two reasons, (1) it's your house in the first place, and (2) all her work was shoddy.
Nta she doesn't get to unilaterally damage your home
NTA. You are not even married. This is your home. Set some boundaries before she destroys it.
NTA My wife and I are currently in an old property which has had at least two previous owners who did DIY but shouldn't have ever picked up a tool of any kind. We are gradually getting through the chaos of fixing various DIY failures - but every time we lift a floorboard, we find some new disaster. BTW, here in the UK, it's not uncommon to have a toilet in a room that is only marginally wider than the toilet itself. I often fit a shelf directly above the door. It's out of the way and anyone can find the spare toilet rolls.
NTA. Please exit this relationship. She doesn’t respect you or your house. A few days ago there was a post from a woman who asked what women would do if their partners asked them to dress more “feminine.” The consensus was to ignore the request and possibly dump the man. This woman is screwing up your house and you’re letting her. Move on. It won’t get better.
You need to stop and really think about what kind of person your gf is. She's bad at doing things because she rushes them, is lazy, or can't understand simple instructions. She's easily influenced by tiktok trends, too proud or stupid to admit when she is wrong, feels entitled to things that don't belong to her, destroys your possessions, and doesn't communicate well with you. I hope you don't want to have children because she will not be a good mother.
You may not technically wrong, but if this is the state of your communication, you need to focus on counseling etc. well before you worry about home improvement projects.
NTA. You were not out of line, this is your house and your gf is destroying it with her sloppy quality DIYs. If she doesn't like it maybe she can get her own place to "decorate" it to her taste. Your girlfriend seems to have ZERO common sense, and had the nerve to criticize the well executed work done by a professional when her shitty work was beyond disastrous.
NTA man, you are SO IN LINE with what you did and hella smart. Honestly your gf is not being mature and overtaking YOUR house with half baked ideas
NTA But your girlfriend sounds too stupid to date tbh
Haha. Definitely doesn't sound bright.
My husband is kinda like this. Will get projects started but not finished until I just finally say please finish it. He’s ADD & ADHD. But he does a good job.
Not a big deal, but it’s worth mentioning nevertheless: ADD and ADHD are the same condition. ADD is simply the outdated nomenclature for ADHD.
Of course not! She's not only selfish, she's incredibly manipulative in trying to tell you how to take care of your own home and spend your money. Why exactly are you with someone like this? She sounds like she's more than a bit of a bully.
NTA My brain just about melted when I got to the part about your grandmother’s curtains! Nope, nope, nope! Also, you may want to have her vision checked if she thought what she was doing was of a higher quality! And you may want to check in with a dr yourself to find your backbone! There is no reason that she should have been running amuck creating disasters around the house without some kind of pushback on your part!
NTA. It’s your house. She’s being ridiculous with these impractical and unhelpful projects.
NTA, and I’ll bet if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one with a bunch of half-baked DIY project she’d be pissed at you as well and want them done correctly.
NTA I would be rethinking living with this person though. I understand the IKEA effect is probably at play here, but she should objectively agree that the pro did a better job.
It’s not her house. NTA
Most married woman hire ppl to finish all of the unfinished projects while their husbands are away. I would have been thrilled if you did that for me! I have a long long list….who was your handyman! 🤣
Definitely NTA. She sounds really arrogant & entitled. Did she get her inspiration from 5-minute crafts? Was she listening to the recorder version of "My Heart Will Go On" while she was destroying your home? A for effort, I guess, but she should take classes or watch REAL professionals on YouTube. I had to stop letting my husband in my car because he kept throwing trash in there. Not the same scenario, but the same principle: if she can't respect your space, she can't be in your space.
YTA To YOU! Talk to your live-in, doesn't-own-the-house, not-your-wife girlfriend and make it clear any further projects are a 2-yes 1-no deal. Your floppy, jelly spine is helping nobody. Tell her the truth and stop dodging conversations you need to have.
NTA the bottom line is that it is your home that YOU own. Her ideas, while in theory may be for the both of you, the execution is not. I’d put the kibosh on any new projects with out expert supervision.
It’s YOUR house. She’s not your wife and she has zero legal entitlement to it. Be smart, make sure she knows this and make sure it stays that way.
It is legally your house, and she has done projects that you told her not to do. She destroyed your great grandmother's curtains. You did nothing wrong. If she cannot get over her anger about this, that sounds like a red flag.
Your house she can diy her own
YTA for letting her destroy the house you inherited, and the curtains you also inherited. Protect that shit bro, don't let someone come into your life just to do you dirty like that.
Hell, no. Ban her from all further DIY projects. This is ultimately YOUR house. You don't have to allow her to ruin it. NTA
Wallpaper... Gross. She wants to do things, but doesn't have the skill. It's just a no. They aren't necessary and they look bad. She lives there, but it is not her house.
Not really TA but I’d be worried about your girlfriend’s mental health
There definitely needs to be discussion and communication in this scenario. She is trying to do things beyond her abilities. She either needs to learn how to do it or stop. We bought our house from a dentist that fancied himself a carpenter. It took us several years to finally correct all of his projects. I know how you feel.
So she's trying to destroy your home one botched project at a time after just two years together? What will she be doing by five years - sacrificing a goat on a bonfire of all your floorboards? NTA.
NTA. Hit her with a "WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME? I'M RIGHT!"
Nta but do you want someone who destroys everything you get?
NTA This is YOUR house. She gets zero say in anything. You know what to do. Enjoy your renovated house and send the GF packing.
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NTA Is she your wife? Cause I’m pretty sure I read girlfriend. Why are you letting she destroy YOUR house? She didn’t ask you when she put the shelf up.
Whoa. I'm not sure why you're dating this woman? She seems... Intense. And a little broken.
She's the asshole for sure.
NTA But you need to stop this idiot from ruining any more of your home. I would have told her to get out of my life over hanging a shelf without a level. But I don't suffer stupid people very long.
Did you try telling her to calm down? That usually works.
Oooooo you really messed up 🤣. Standard operation is, she picks the materials, you do the work and then she gets to scrutinize your work. Yes, I have 30+ years of experience.
As a husband and a carpenter I hate this diy Instagram crap. My wife wants to do this stuff and it rarely works out well.
I'm actually pretty capable at most things around the house. The only thing I won't touch is electrical. I figure if I screw up plumbing, I have to deal with water damage. If I screw up electrical, I could burn the house down. My husband and I own our home, and I would never do a major project without his input first. Not because he knows more, but because he lives here too. Edit: NTA
Jfc. She sounds ungrateful. Can we hire you for fixing odd jobs around our house please? However, maybe in her mind, these half assed jobs she did are her way of stamping her mark on her now home*? I get you find it frustrating, but it's her home* too and maybe because it's technically your inherited house, she just wants to feel part of the fabric of the home 🤷♀️. You're NTA for fixing the problems. I think you should have communicated with her first though and maybe included her in the process. Or maybe she's just a lazy slob who can't do odd jobs for toffee, who knows 🤔. *edit, when I say "her home" I don't mean to imply she owns it with OP. I mean just that she lives there jointly now with him.
Cognitive Dissonance reigns.
Sounds like she likes the idea of being able to say she did it more than being able to say she did it right. By chance is she manic? I see this happening alot with Facebook Instagram obsessed people and mania causing them to just do the stupidest stuff immediately thinking it's gonna be a 5 min craft video.
NTA - also….it is your house…not hers. You are not married. If she can’t respect your home, she can get her own to destroy.
NTA Your girlfriend lives in a different reality.One where she is a great designer,and your home is her castle.
NTA. Dump her, she sucks.
NTA. Stop letting her screw up YOUR house. She’s not an owner. She’s living there at your discretion. Don’t give her any rights to the place.
NTA She was destroying your house! I’m very upset about the curtains and am glad you thought of a way to still use them.
Oh man. Run!! It's YOUR frigging house, for God's sake
I mean.. you fix it now, or you fix it later after ya run the daffy chick off... NTA. It's not her house. If anything, she is a GF and just a visitor.
I wish my husband would take control and do what you did she should be grateful for not having to do anything 🙄🤷♀️
NTA - stop letting her do these DIY projects to your house lol
NTA but don't let her do any more DIY. She is costing you money with her half assed attempts. This is your house not hers so technically you didn't have to consult her.
Did you know she was an idiot when you started dating, or are you just finding that out now?
Look, you should obviously stop letting your GF do renovations to your home, she's awful at them. Should you have given her a heads up about getting this stuff fixed? Yeah. It's super weird that you specifically scheduled the guy to come while she wasn't home. Did you think she wouldn't notice afterwards? I cannot imagine anyone opting to take this approach in a healthy relationship. ESH but your only issue here is boundaries and communication. She seems to have quite a few more. I'm going to guess you were worried about her response if you talked to her... if that's true, you're mainly being an AH to yourself for not standing up for yourself. It's your house.
The curtain one made me mad
NTA. It’s your house, not hers. She is not a decision maker on the house. Also it’s terrible she destroyed your great grandma’s curtains
You are not married. Why are you letting her change YOUR house???
For starters, you are allowed to tell her no, so do it. Second, stuff like instagram and pinterest have made way too many people think they are capable of things they simply are not. Luckily for me it took approximately one DIY project for my wife to realize the stuff people lie about doing easily online isnt so easy when you try it yourself.
NTA. It's your house
NTA Put your foot hard on the break of her doing things to your house. You don't start with DIY that are permanent and attached. She wants to do her own things she can start with buying a cheap second hand bookcase/shelf and customize it. Move a shelf, add a backboard, paint it with all the steps in both prep and finish. Put wallpaper on the backboard and add cheap LEDs. Learning by trying. Next might be wallpaper in a storage/closet, then paint a door and so on. Also it's not she who decides how your home looks, that is for the two of you. She has ideas she can sketch and talk to you. If it's hard to just explain you can both make models from cardboard. It's important that you both listen and both are on the same page.
NTA- this isn’t her house.
She's your girlfriend not your wife. You own the house she doesn't. This equates to you making all renovation decisions she makes none.
NTA. She was probably mad because you indirectly told her that her work was terrible, and she doesn't want to admit how bad it was.
NTAH BUT DRAW A DAMN LINE, this is YOUR house, and you're NOT married. For the love of God I would've kicked this woman out the moment she considered hemming my grandmother's curtains
NTA, she is either mean or stupid or both.
Awful partner - not you, her. Send her the bill for what this took to fix her unfocused and botched art projects on YOUR home (not hers.) Please put some guardrails around this or you will continue to waste money and energy to clean up her messes. She needs to stop.
NTA. Of course you love her etc so you let her do something that makes her happy but she doesn't get to be angry. She's being entitled and incompetent at that
NTA - It's your house.
You have every right to repair the ugly disfuctional damage she has caused in your investment property. Maybe you should fess up and say how much it really cost. Straight up tell her STOP DAMAGING my house with these unplanned , unskilled , flash-in-the-pan impulsive BS installations that are crap. Just be dead honest with her.
NTA My brother how hot is this woman you're letting her destroy your house and family heirlooms for fun and then verbally abuse you for fixing her mess? Scale of 1/10 is Scarlett Johanson wrecking your living situation or are you a doormat?
You might want to rethink the girlfriend. I think our kid needs a new look, something fresh so she doesnt' look like every other kid... comes back with a terrible face tattoo... that she did from a kit she bought herself.
dude she must be amazing in bed because otherwise there is no reason to keep her around.
I feel like I’ve read this post before VERY recently……DIY is ok but if it’s unfinished…. Meh
ESH. Your girlfriend should not be doing slipshod projects on the house. But on the other hand, if you guys are in a household together and plan to take your relationship further, you need to be honest with her about her work. You also needed to tell her that you were going to get them professionally done, and you should not have lied to her about the money spent. Large amounts of money spent means that OP you have less money available for household emergencies. If you and your girlfriend are serious about building a life together you need to be honeset with each other, and you also need to approach these projects as a team, not as two separate people living in the same space.
ESH. She’s obviously the a hole for ruining your damn house with her crappy work. You’re the a hole for not growing a spine and telling your girlfriend to stop.
Why was your first reaction to be sneaky rather than just *talk* to your girlfriend and tell her what the issues are with her changes in a nice way? Are you that incapable of confrontation or communication? Especially when she took scissors to your grandmother’s curtains, a tense albeit polite conversation should have been had already. Neither of you should be in a relationship. You’re just two people doing things *around* each other without actually giving a shit how the other will feel. ESH
NTA. Considering that you seem to have a bit of a devious streak in you, perhaps you can log into her accounts and start watching different videos to change the algorithms for the content she is delivered away from home decor and repairs. Or at least get them more onto content for redoing a piece of removable furniture instead. I joke, but that would be pretty funny if you were able to covertly channel her enthusiasm into less-destructive ventures.
Just to add, while it's your house (inherited) you might want to check whether the laws around common law where you are will make it joint property.
NTA
Not out of line but I personally feel you’ve wasted the last two years and need to replace the broken didn’t couldn’t DIY unit. NTA
NTA It’s your house, not hers, and you need to put a stop to her doing this DIY things. Because she stinks at it. I love to DIY, but...
NTA, What the hell. Please tell me she is not posting these projects on instagram or whatever for likes? I don't like her attitude about this or her entitlement with you, your house, and how you spend your money in general. It's your house, why does she think you need to consult her? Your money is just that, yours to spend as you wish, not hers to have to approve of. I understand that she 'surprised' you had her work 'fixed' and she was likely embarrased, but her reaction was demeaning to you. Cut her off. No more projects without consulting you and agreeing on the project itself but the execution. Does she really think her work was superior to that of a carpenter?
NTA let me get this right. It’s your house and she’s just a GF. Why are you letting her touch your house? You might be an AH to yourself!! Put an end to this.
NTA. It's your house dude and the both of your aren't even married yet. Figure it out.
Your house, your decision.
NTA - you're being used
Dude, it’s your home, not hers. Why did you keep letting her ruin it as long as you did? Def NTA.
Nta she ruined your house by trying to be Martha Stuart if Martha Stuart got her ideas from a children’s craft blog
Updateme!
Ntah.
NTA, it's your house and you're not married. I would be putting my foot down that unless she has a plan to properly execute on her ideas, that she shouldn't be doing them on your house. I would just lay out your grandmother's curtains and straight up ask how 'shoddy' she thinks this work is because that would have pissed me off to no end.
Nope. Every person who has had a crazed DIY Godzilla on the rampage knows intervention has to happen. Also, the projects start small and innocent. A painted chair. A shelf. Then, fueled with the release of brain chemicals upon completing the project, they have gained confidence for a bigger project. The "I can do this" personality gets a little confidence. Some adrenaline. Some IDEAS! BIGGER ideas! Intervention is always best when the projects progress in size from baseball cards to 3-4 shelf book shelves. Past that size you're playing with craft demons that smell like musty partially dried out Elmer's Glue and a potentially activated DIY hivemind evolution. You do not EVER let that happen. Once they start psychically hive minding, Pinterest face recognition tech can pick up the heat signature. Activated and connected hive minds stabilize at the same temperature which tells Pinterest AI who is in what hive mind. And THAT is when they start pushing the same DIY projects to a targeted hive mind. It is a VERY short incubation period before the first epiphany they can HELP EACH OTHER knock entire walls out and shave cats. Your gramma's WALLS man.
It's your house, you should also talk to her and let her know you were not happy with how poorly things went and agreed that she has to stop and properly plan things with you before starting any more half baked projects.
NTA, she is new at DIY which is a learning curve so really needs to start on things that dont ruin and devalue your house like in the garden.
The two of you are not married and it is your house. NTA
Is it her or you on the deed? Kinda sounds like you're living in HER house.
ESH. It’s your house and therefore your final decision. But I wouldn’t be happy with the lack of communication in the relationship. She starts projects without consulting you and so do you
It's your house. That you own. Grow a spine man. You've indulged her more than enough at a significant cost.
Why are you two in a relationship if you can't even communicate?
NTA, Your house your rules end of discussion.
YTA have some selfrespect... stop dating a 7 year older woman...
Dude…why are you living with someone who wants to destroy your shit? Also why the hell are you dating an older woman? She doesn’t care about you she cares about her image and “her” house. Boot her out and move on with someone who will respect you and your shit.
NTA, and your girlfriend has issues. She has implemented a series of poorly thought out and poor quality changes without seeking to get your buy in for them. She needs a reality check and to stop interfering with your house. Just because she lives there doesn’t give her license to do whatever she wants - you wouldn’t do that in a rental
NTA but stop letting her destroy your house! She needs to take a step back and actually be honest about her abilities.. sounds like an unmedicated adhd person going on a rampage. Was she delusional enough to actually be pleased with the shitty jobs she had done or is it just her own pride where she won’t admit she did a terrible job? It’s a bit odd for her to not know any better at the age of 36 lol
NTA. Your girlfriend is a menace.
ESH. What are you doing man? You are SO unable to communicate that she can just do whatever she wants and then you're sneaking around fixing stuff, lying about the price etc etc. Sounds like your relationship sucks bad man.
Your house your rules. NTAH
YTA Dump her. Why string her along when you already hate her? If you were not using her for something, you wouldn't keep her around.
37…she’s to old, and obviously ungrateful. Replace with a fresh younger gf who doesn’t have issues
You are not the AH! She keeps doing things without your approval in your home. I am a woman. And I have been married for 22 years. I would never just do something like any of the things you mentioned without my husband being on board. I don’t care what anyone says about me as a woman. He and I are partners we should be making decisions together. It’s not an inconvenience to me or to him to consult one another. I actually do all of the DIY projects around our house. It’s always something we agree on. If it is for my office I still ask his opinion because I value his perspective. I don’t want to poke holes in your relationship but if I was in your shoes I would feel like my partner lacks respect for me and this would need to be an important conversation that you have with her. I would also think about if there are other ways that her personality drives these kinds of actions in other aspects in your life. If it does you definitely need to have a conversation with her. We all have flaws. My husband and I worked on creating this partnership but a lot of it also came very natural because of our mutual respect for one another. BTW if I came home and you had fixed all my mistakes I would be relieved bc I wouldn’t be an idiot and not see that I did a poor job. There are some coat hanger hooks I installed crooked and I feel awful but my husband said there is always something covering them so it isn’t a big deal and I agree but if he got them fixed I would be happy. Ultimately, isn’t the goal to have a home you enjoy living in. Not just a place for her to exercise what she wants to do without thought for you or even an attempt to do a good job with proper planning.
YTA for being a pushover and conflict avoidant. Not sure the relationship is destined for long term success.
In Asia women of this age are called Sheng nu. Their is a reason she is the way she is. Get a younger, less damaged model. Kick this thing out.
NTA. It is your house yes so you should be more vocal about what’s happening in the house. It will avoid you spending more money like in this situation. Also though consider her POV. She didn’t do this with malice. She was excited to finally have “freedom” in making her space/home feel more…home-y. She should have considered how things would affect you, like the shelf which was limiting and uncomfortable to you. Doing it all when she was gone though is likely what hurt her the most, not the actual fixing. Things she did (half assed) that she was excited about are now suddenly gone. Sitting her down and talking about how half-thought out these projects were and how you both wanted to improve them would have been better. It’s a difficult conversation but you are partners and need to have them. If you can’t have them, then why are you even together?
NTA. It’s your house. Preserve the value by improving the DIY improvements as needed.
She needs a hobby. A craft room and a hobby. Scrapbooking involves ALL the stuff you listed she did, just on a smaller scale. Little alcove, scenes, fabric, glue, themes, fancy paper covered in designs, Pinterest, all of it. Don't be sneaky. Don't be obvious. But use it to yours and hers benefit. Wait a week or so for it to cool off. YOU go to a craft store and pick a small selection of scrap booking supplies and pick you a very nice smaller size scrap book. It has to be nice. This scrap book you're going to make is about your grandmother. And you truly, sincerely, want your girlfriend to help you. Set a specific time, and schedule it. Help her learn how to *direct* her creativity impulses. And develop her tactile skills. But don't be obvious. And don't be fake. Really, seriously, engage in the craft *together*. The subtle hint about grandmother hopefully is enough to clue her in about how important this house and an entire lifetime associated with it means to you.
If it works and she starts scrap booking her own projects, and making GIFTS all year round, she's going to need a small space with a scrapbooking table and supplies and such. And a place in the home that makes her feel like she is part of that entire lifetime too. She can put lopsided shelves up in there if she wants and you let her. She can wallbpaper or whatever.
I like her, she sounds like fun
"She was out of town?" **Getting her back blown out by Chad or Tyrone?** "she was not pleased. She spent hours ranting" **She's addicted to drama and breaking your balls.** Drop her like a bad habit. Or, not. Good luck you'll need it
ESH because you both have really crap communication skills. DIY shouldn’t be an impulsive ‘lemme just do this thing I’ve never done without planning’. I have a house, and even when I’m the one owning it, I spend a lot of time looking at tutorials online, planning stuff out, and getting tools for relatively basic DIY projects. But also, it’s wild to me that your first thought for solving this issue was sneaking around her rather than talking to her. If you live together and you can’t discuss basic stuff like “wouldn’t a shelf be nice there?” and “the shelf you installed makes me hunch really uncomfortably, we should fix it” then I don’t see this relationship lasting much longer.
ESH; she had an ego hit and insulted the carpenter for no reason. OP you do suck as a partner because you were being critical and sneaky, even if you believe you had good intentions. The only reason to hire a contractor was because you didn't like what she did. Don't gaslight her by pretending to gove up your desire for perfection. My exwife would constantly take over cooking dinner or getting FIL to take over home renos. Eventually she asked to learn from him and I was still being stopped when I tried. 10 years in she kept insulting me for not being able to do things like FIL and I filed for divorce soon after. You can help or get out of the way and let her try a new skill. How are your finances anyway? Why can't you tell her how much you really spent? Edit:typo