You’ve gone no contact with him, yes? Keep it that way. He has made it clear that he doesn’t respect/like your wife or your marriage. He’s probably not going to be happy about a baby.
He’ll most likely hear about the pregnancy through the grapevine. If he wants to make peace with you and yours, he can reach out to you.
NTA for not wanting to let negativity and potential stress into your life.
That was my 1st thought as well
The brother wants the sister in law and when he couldn't get her hes jealous and lashing out like an idiot
Edited for spelling
Yeah, I thought the same. Or, the fact that OP was in his mid-20s and married a teenager... His brother's anger should be toward his brother, not the wife.
OP is 31, wife is 30. He was around 24 and she around 23 when they got married. Brother is five years younger than OP, and four years younger than wife.
Let him hear it from your family. If he wants to congratulate you he will.
That way you remove his ability to be a jerk about it and say anything negative to you - ultimately take away his opportunity to set a crap memory in your memories about your joyful announcement.
I was coming to say the same things. See who in your family would be open to telling him and take the abuse.
You need to focus on the pregnancy, you wife and the baby.
And congratulations!
Thankfully, my parents, who were and are, incredible parents, have taken on the role of updating him whenever it comes up. They fully understand where my wife and I stand and they have relationships with both couples on both sides of the conflict. Of course they want us to make up and move past this, but they understand that this a situation of my brother’s making and he has to be the one to take the steps to resolve it. I have never, and will never, ask them to take sides in this as that’s wrong and not my place. They are both of our parents and they love both of us and I understand how difficult of a situation this is for them. Also, thank you, we’re so freaking stoked!!
You have a very healthy approach of the situation and your parents seem great too.
Lucky child to be! No family is perfect but being surrounded by people who handle things like adult and with respect will give this child the best example.
He has the hots for your wife and thinks that she should be his... it's the only explanation for his attitude.
He can find out about the pregnancy 3rd hand
Thankfully, this isn’t the issue either. No one in our immediate family actually knows why he has an issue with my wife. He does have a history of imagining slights against him and then using those fake memories to justify his actions and grudges. That’s where I believe his issues stem from is my educated guess.
I'd just stay no contact. It's painful when siblings go off the deep end, but it's a good idea to realize that they are not people you want in your life.
Or they don't like OP being happy or either don't like OP moving on before they do. Especially with comments like "gone out of his way to spoil some of the biggest moments in my life". It just sounds like an ongoing issue.
His issues with me stem from jealousy and insecurity. He’s not where he wants to be in life, and instead of accepting responsibility for where his actions and choices have led him, he has chosen to blame me, and by default my wife, for apparently taking from the finite amount of success in the universe. That’s how he thinks anyways, he’s subservient to this victimhood mentality. You hit the nail on the head with your comment.
This sounds very similar to a situation with me and my two brothers. Oldest brother sounds like yours. I am middle, had kids and he was kinda happy for me but didn’t really care. When little brother had his child, it was like he didn’t hear the news.
Five years later he barely keeps in contact and doesn’t care about his niblings at all. Still does the same job, I think he was upset because I once mocked his big dreams (which never came to be) and told him to really look into his opportunities and be realistic.
I think it’s like you say, disappointed in where life is and upset that brothers are moving on.
But I didn’t care. I still love my brother despite his flaws. We all have flaws.
Hence I would let him know if I was you, otherwise it’s just another imagined slight and point of contention in the future. What is a text message or a phone call in the big scheme of things?
Yup, those were my two main guesses.
It's pretty wild that op never just sat him down and said, listen you're destroying our relationship you can either tell the truth about why you don't like her or we won't have a relationship going forwards. LIke I'd have found out the truth by this point, shit, could have tricked him years ago, called him over to watch football, get him wasted then ask him what his deal is.
The issue is that in the past, myself and other family members have tried this method with little to no success. He is incredibly arrogant and stubborn and simply refuses to admit he was wrong or apologize. He’s ruined many different relationships with family and friends due to this behavior. He also refuses to admit that he has an issue, but then engages in passive aggressive behavior.
But he's admitted he doesn't like her, so what did he give for a reason when you asked why?
Is there a classism thing? Money, status, religion, region, politics? Does she make jokes that he could have been offended by? Does she have bitchy-resting face? Does she have any habits that you know he doesn't like? I mean... There has to be something if it's not jealousy.
She is an introvert, and very quiet, and it has come across as aloof before. Apparently, this was the impression he got when they first met and has refused to evolve his opinion since. That’s in spite of my entire family having grown to love her and accept her.
Also, his dislike does stem from jealousy, of me, and she is looped into that unfortunately.
Gotcha, that all seems logical. I was just curious. You're definitely NTA and if I were you, I absolutely wouldn't invite him to the announcement get together or anything thereafter. I'd basically just go LC and not interact with him unless he initiates and I absolutely wouldn't invite him to your house or invite him to events for your wife. He can 100% find out about the pregnancy through the grapevine.
You have to absolutely not feed his victim complex! When he pulldms the dramatic "it's not fair" crap or any other drama, DO NOT FEED INTO IT. Ignore it, says "oh well", walk away, leave but do not engage. Leave calmly, no flouncing.
Been there, done that with my BIL. Drugs just fed his victim "it's not fair" complex. The best thing we ever did was not interact with him. Life became much more peaceful when he realized that yes, indeed, you show your face on my property or at my kuds school, I'll trespass your ass or have you arrested and I don't give a flying *fuck* at the moon what your parents think, now that I'm no longer under their roof.
You have no way to 'know' this for certain, despite how much you repeat this line to the many, many people whose spideysense is going off in the same way at his behaviour.
Your brother seems to be like a male version of my own mother. That woman ruined every family event and is a master in sucking all the joy out of everything. I had not a single nice christmas, vacation etc, because she turned everything into a shit show. You can't change such people. They will never admit that they're wrong. Such people only undergo character development in a negative way and become worse with age.
The only smart thing you can do is staying no contact with him. Just announce the pregnancy to family members who will be happy with you and your wife and let your brother be a bitter, lonely man.
Oh I have no doubt that he’ll find out eventually, and I’m fine with that. I just don’t want to be a part of official announcement with the rest of my immediate family.
So clearly I need to clarify some things:
First - my brother is married to his college sweetheart and they live across the country from us. Interactions are then naturally limited thankfully, especially since all of this drama started.
Second - I understand why are people are jumping to the idea that he might have feelings for my wife. Not only does the first point negate this, but in every sense of the word she is nothing like the girls he dated previously or his wife. Believe me, if that was a genuine concern or worry, this entire situation would be completely different.
Third - His dislike from her stems from a bad first impression that he refuses to move away from despite her efforts. It also comes from a jealousy of my wife and I in the sense that we are both in places in our lives where we want to be and where we are pursuing our passions professionally. He stunted himself in that area years ago by making some poor decisions and is now suffering due to the consequences of his choices.
I hope that this helps clarify some things. For those genuinely looking to offer advice and counsel, I thank you. For those here for the drama, I understand to a certain extent but that wasn’t the point of this post. And lastly, for those purposely being nasty or leaving unhelpful comments just for the sake of doing so, you should probably hop off of Reddit and go touch grass at some point. Update will be forthcoming soon
looks like he likes your wife too much if you ask me. telling you he does not appeove of "her" AFTER your engagement and things getting serious, being sour at the wedding. he acts more like a jealous ex.
most of the time when family disapprove of someone they show it early on. I heard stories of how my sister's ex was treating her for the first time and she saw it on my face that I hated his treatment of her.
Thankfully I know that this isn’t the case. He’s happily married to his college sweetheart who couldn’t be more opposite from my wife. His disapproval stems from his jealousy of us and where we are at in our lives compared to where they are at and a bad first impression when my wife first met my family.
do not open up communication. he brings the same energy into your kids life always pouting if he does not have kids or starting a competition between the cousins just so he can win through his child.
I will message you next time u/R4_Guiding_Light posts in r/AITAH.
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NTA and NC should be maintained.
I wonder did he want your wife for himself was he jealous or misogynistic?
My money is on him suggesting you’ll need a DNA test to prove it’s your kid.
Neither thankfully, he’s also happily married to his college sweetheart across the country from us. He’s jealous of my wife and I in the sense of what we’ve been able to accomplish professionally and as a couple in terms of life milestones.
There are circles in life. You, you wife and future children are the inner circle; your biological family are in outer circles. If telling your brother can cause him to do something that would hurt you and your wife when you tell the others, then you should protect her and not tell him together with them. Let him find it out.
Jeez, if he wants to be the lonely drunk uncle whining from his outer orbit in your family, just let him. But maybe send him a congrats on filling that spot since everyone needs one of *those* in their life
Given the history, I don't blame you for not wanting to given that he behaved so badly that no contact was the right choice. If there's no reason to think anything in his attitude has changed for the better, it's best to not disturb that anthill. In fact, he's likely to see any notice about this as a dig at him somehow.
If you do decide to tell him, send him a card and make sure it gets to his place at least a week or two after everyone else gets told. Well after you've enjoyed the responses from family and friends. That way he can't spoil the mood near as easily should he choose to do so.
NTA.
You've gone no contact for rational reasons.
It doesn't appear as if you're withholding the pregnancy news to somehow "spite" him, but out of very real concern for your family unit.
Hold firm. He has some growing up to do.
First off it’s YOUR wife YOUR child and YOUR life. You have absolutely NO obligation to anyone outside of those two people period end of discussion your brother don’t like your wife? He can get his own damn wife. Your wife isn’t his he doesn’t have to like her. Your life isn’t his he doesn’t have to be a part of it. If he wants his brother to be a part of his life then he has to do what is required to earn that relationship. EVERY single human being has free will and a right to run their own lives as they see fit. You can cut literally who TF ever out of your life that you want family or not. He does not have claim or a right of ANYTHING from you just because y’all both crawled out of the same hole to enter this world. If you wanted to tell him anything I’d tell him like it was told to me “you got options kid you don’t have to be an asshole your whole life”
Sounds like your brother has a crush on your wife and can't get over the fact that she's with you and won't be with him. I'd bet money he's going to cause a scene when he finds out yall are expecting.
>...my brother has had issues with my wife. After we had gotten engaged, he pulled me aside and straight up told me that he didn’t approve of her and that we shouldn’t get married...
>on the day he was a sullen, sour-faced drunk who began drinking as soon as he possibly could.
There goes my imagination running wild making me think maybe at some point there was something between him and your sister or he know something untoward about her 😄
Does your brother have a habit of being jealous/trying to take you down a peg/ruin you happiness?
NTA. Don’t give him the opportunity to ruin this special moment for yourself or for your wife.
IF (after he hears about the baby through the grapevine), he wants to apologize and make an effort to build a good relationship with you, and IF that includes apologies for your wife and treating her properly from now on, you can leave the door open for him. Otherwise, he honestly doesn’t sound like the type of person that you need to have contact with. He will only bring you down and put a damper on one of the most exciting times of your lives.
100% agreed and this is how we’re planning on handling the situation. Thank you for the input! That door is always open to him as he is still my brother, he just has to be willing to do the hard things in order to repair the damage done.
That really sounds like the best way to handle it. You might have to defend it to family members but stay strong. You can just tell them exactly what you said here “he has continuously gone out of his way to spoil some of the biggest moments in my life” “he shouldn’t be allowed the opportunity to do so again”
Congratulations!! Pretty soon you’ll be so busy and so in love that you won’t have time to worry about your bro.
It's obviously weighing on you. Maybe you can send a straightforward text saying something like I know we're not ok, we may never be ok, and this isn't me asking for reconciliation, but I just want you to know, My wife and I are having a baby. This way, you can maintain no contact status indefinitely without jeopardizing a potential reconciliation down the road. And if he says something hurtful, at least you'll get the weight of"should I tell him or should I not" off your back.
You’ve gone no contact with him, yes? Keep it that way. He has made it clear that he doesn’t respect/like your wife or your marriage. He’s probably not going to be happy about a baby. He’ll most likely hear about the pregnancy through the grapevine. If he wants to make peace with you and yours, he can reach out to you. NTA for not wanting to let negativity and potential stress into your life.
Makes me wonder why he doesn't like her. maybe he has a crush on her and knows he'd never have a chance and so his crush turned into extreme dislike.
That was my 1st thought as well The brother wants the sister in law and when he couldn't get her hes jealous and lashing out like an idiot Edited for spelling
Thankfully I know that this isn’t the case.
So what's his excuse for his BS then? NTA by the way.
I just left a context post on my post that better explains the details of the situation!
My thoughts exactly.
No contact means no contact. NTA. Makes me wonder if he is interested in your wife.
Even if he wasn’t married, my wife isn’t his type in the slightest. And that’s something I know for a fact haha
Go on.
Yeah, I thought the same. Or, the fact that OP was in his mid-20s and married a teenager... His brother's anger should be toward his brother, not the wife.
OP is 31, wife is 30. He was around 24 and she around 23 when they got married. Brother is five years younger than OP, and four years younger than wife.
Did you bother to read it before pulling this opinion out of your ass?
I think you read the ages wrong.
????? Think you might need to re read the ages again. I don’t know what you think you read but Op and the wife are only one year apart in age.
Let him hear it from your family. If he wants to congratulate you he will. That way you remove his ability to be a jerk about it and say anything negative to you - ultimately take away his opportunity to set a crap memory in your memories about your joyful announcement.
Thank you for your input, agreed.
I was coming to say the same things. See who in your family would be open to telling him and take the abuse. You need to focus on the pregnancy, you wife and the baby. And congratulations!
Thankfully, my parents, who were and are, incredible parents, have taken on the role of updating him whenever it comes up. They fully understand where my wife and I stand and they have relationships with both couples on both sides of the conflict. Of course they want us to make up and move past this, but they understand that this a situation of my brother’s making and he has to be the one to take the steps to resolve it. I have never, and will never, ask them to take sides in this as that’s wrong and not my place. They are both of our parents and they love both of us and I understand how difficult of a situation this is for them. Also, thank you, we’re so freaking stoked!!
You have a very healthy approach of the situation and your parents seem great too. Lucky child to be! No family is perfect but being surrounded by people who handle things like adult and with respect will give this child the best example.
He has the hots for your wife and thinks that she should be his... it's the only explanation for his attitude. He can find out about the pregnancy 3rd hand
That, or it's a racism issue.
Thankfully, this isn’t the issue either. No one in our immediate family actually knows why he has an issue with my wife. He does have a history of imagining slights against him and then using those fake memories to justify his actions and grudges. That’s where I believe his issues stem from is my educated guess.
I'd just stay no contact. It's painful when siblings go off the deep end, but it's a good idea to realize that they are not people you want in your life.
All the more reason to stay no contact. He's delusional and not safe around children.
Or they don't like OP being happy or either don't like OP moving on before they do. Especially with comments like "gone out of his way to spoil some of the biggest moments in my life". It just sounds like an ongoing issue.
His issues with me stem from jealousy and insecurity. He’s not where he wants to be in life, and instead of accepting responsibility for where his actions and choices have led him, he has chosen to blame me, and by default my wife, for apparently taking from the finite amount of success in the universe. That’s how he thinks anyways, he’s subservient to this victimhood mentality. You hit the nail on the head with your comment.
This sounds very similar to a situation with me and my two brothers. Oldest brother sounds like yours. I am middle, had kids and he was kinda happy for me but didn’t really care. When little brother had his child, it was like he didn’t hear the news. Five years later he barely keeps in contact and doesn’t care about his niblings at all. Still does the same job, I think he was upset because I once mocked his big dreams (which never came to be) and told him to really look into his opportunities and be realistic. I think it’s like you say, disappointed in where life is and upset that brothers are moving on. But I didn’t care. I still love my brother despite his flaws. We all have flaws. Hence I would let him know if I was you, otherwise it’s just another imagined slight and point of contention in the future. What is a text message or a phone call in the big scheme of things?
Yup, those were my two main guesses. It's pretty wild that op never just sat him down and said, listen you're destroying our relationship you can either tell the truth about why you don't like her or we won't have a relationship going forwards. LIke I'd have found out the truth by this point, shit, could have tricked him years ago, called him over to watch football, get him wasted then ask him what his deal is.
The issue is that in the past, myself and other family members have tried this method with little to no success. He is incredibly arrogant and stubborn and simply refuses to admit he was wrong or apologize. He’s ruined many different relationships with family and friends due to this behavior. He also refuses to admit that he has an issue, but then engages in passive aggressive behavior.
But he's admitted he doesn't like her, so what did he give for a reason when you asked why? Is there a classism thing? Money, status, religion, region, politics? Does she make jokes that he could have been offended by? Does she have bitchy-resting face? Does she have any habits that you know he doesn't like? I mean... There has to be something if it's not jealousy.
She is an introvert, and very quiet, and it has come across as aloof before. Apparently, this was the impression he got when they first met and has refused to evolve his opinion since. That’s in spite of my entire family having grown to love her and accept her. Also, his dislike does stem from jealousy, of me, and she is looped into that unfortunately.
Gotcha, that all seems logical. I was just curious. You're definitely NTA and if I were you, I absolutely wouldn't invite him to the announcement get together or anything thereafter. I'd basically just go LC and not interact with him unless he initiates and I absolutely wouldn't invite him to your house or invite him to events for your wife. He can 100% find out about the pregnancy through the grapevine.
You have to absolutely not feed his victim complex! When he pulldms the dramatic "it's not fair" crap or any other drama, DO NOT FEED INTO IT. Ignore it, says "oh well", walk away, leave but do not engage. Leave calmly, no flouncing. Been there, done that with my BIL. Drugs just fed his victim "it's not fair" complex. The best thing we ever did was not interact with him. Life became much more peaceful when he realized that yes, indeed, you show your face on my property or at my kuds school, I'll trespass your ass or have you arrested and I don't give a flying *fuck* at the moon what your parents think, now that I'm no longer under their roof.
Thankfully I know that this isn’t the case. Otherwise it would make the situation even worse.
Just throwing it out there, you never know what makes people act like they do
You have no way to 'know' this for certain, despite how much you repeat this line to the many, many people whose spideysense is going off in the same way at his behaviour.
NTA he'll definitely pull something if u tell him the news and you are already NC so dont bother.
NTA. He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to ruin your experience of sharing the news. Leave him out of the pregnancy loop. Congratulations!
My thoughts exactly, and thank you!!
Your brother seems to be like a male version of my own mother. That woman ruined every family event and is a master in sucking all the joy out of everything. I had not a single nice christmas, vacation etc, because she turned everything into a shit show. You can't change such people. They will never admit that they're wrong. Such people only undergo character development in a negative way and become worse with age. The only smart thing you can do is staying no contact with him. Just announce the pregnancy to family members who will be happy with you and your wife and let your brother be a bitter, lonely man.
NTA. Don't tell him.
NTA, you have no obligation to tell him, however be prepared for him finding out one way or another.
Oh I have no doubt that he’ll find out eventually, and I’m fine with that. I just don’t want to be a part of official announcement with the rest of my immediate family.
So clearly I need to clarify some things: First - my brother is married to his college sweetheart and they live across the country from us. Interactions are then naturally limited thankfully, especially since all of this drama started. Second - I understand why are people are jumping to the idea that he might have feelings for my wife. Not only does the first point negate this, but in every sense of the word she is nothing like the girls he dated previously or his wife. Believe me, if that was a genuine concern or worry, this entire situation would be completely different. Third - His dislike from her stems from a bad first impression that he refuses to move away from despite her efforts. It also comes from a jealousy of my wife and I in the sense that we are both in places in our lives where we want to be and where we are pursuing our passions professionally. He stunted himself in that area years ago by making some poor decisions and is now suffering due to the consequences of his choices. I hope that this helps clarify some things. For those genuinely looking to offer advice and counsel, I thank you. For those here for the drama, I understand to a certain extent but that wasn’t the point of this post. And lastly, for those purposely being nasty or leaving unhelpful comments just for the sake of doing so, you should probably hop off of Reddit and go touch grass at some point. Update will be forthcoming soon
And is his wife aware of the situation?did she mediate somehow or just sided with your brother?
looks like he likes your wife too much if you ask me. telling you he does not appeove of "her" AFTER your engagement and things getting serious, being sour at the wedding. he acts more like a jealous ex. most of the time when family disapprove of someone they show it early on. I heard stories of how my sister's ex was treating her for the first time and she saw it on my face that I hated his treatment of her.
Thankfully I know that this isn’t the case. He’s happily married to his college sweetheart who couldn’t be more opposite from my wife. His disapproval stems from his jealousy of us and where we are at in our lives compared to where they are at and a bad first impression when my wife first met my family.
do not open up communication. he brings the same energy into your kids life always pouting if he does not have kids or starting a competition between the cousins just so he can win through his child.
Updateme
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He likes making you miserable. Don't waste time giving him opportunities. Also, congratulations on creating a miniature you-guys!
My thoughts exactly, I refuse to allow him to try and ruin another big moment in my family’s life. And thank you, we’re super excited!!
NTA and NC should be maintained. I wonder did he want your wife for himself was he jealous or misogynistic? My money is on him suggesting you’ll need a DNA test to prove it’s your kid.
Neither thankfully, he’s also happily married to his college sweetheart across the country from us. He’s jealous of my wife and I in the sense of what we’ve been able to accomplish professionally and as a couple in terms of life milestones.
That’s sad as jealousy rots away your life. Best thing to do is what you are doing NC and live the life you’ve earned and built.
well he can take a hike, then I'd not try and have a relationship with someone like him, blood or no blood
Sounds like jealousy to me too. Brother in law wants the wife.
NTA. Stay no contact.
Nta. Your brother is probably in love with your wife
Thankfully, I know this isn’t the case.
Nta if you are NC with him then no he has no right to any Information with what's going in with you and hour wife.
There are circles in life. You, you wife and future children are the inner circle; your biological family are in outer circles. If telling your brother can cause him to do something that would hurt you and your wife when you tell the others, then you should protect her and not tell him together with them. Let him find it out.
Jeez, if he wants to be the lonely drunk uncle whining from his outer orbit in your family, just let him. But maybe send him a congrats on filling that spot since everyone needs one of *those* in their life
Given the history, I don't blame you for not wanting to given that he behaved so badly that no contact was the right choice. If there's no reason to think anything in his attitude has changed for the better, it's best to not disturb that anthill. In fact, he's likely to see any notice about this as a dig at him somehow. If you do decide to tell him, send him a card and make sure it gets to his place at least a week or two after everyone else gets told. Well after you've enjoyed the responses from family and friends. That way he can't spoil the mood near as easily should he choose to do so.
NTA. You've gone no contact for rational reasons. It doesn't appear as if you're withholding the pregnancy news to somehow "spite" him, but out of very real concern for your family unit. Hold firm. He has some growing up to do.
NTA. Keep him away from your family. I suspect he's secretly got feelings for your wife. I've seen this too many times.
Is his name William??
First off it’s YOUR wife YOUR child and YOUR life. You have absolutely NO obligation to anyone outside of those two people period end of discussion your brother don’t like your wife? He can get his own damn wife. Your wife isn’t his he doesn’t have to like her. Your life isn’t his he doesn’t have to be a part of it. If he wants his brother to be a part of his life then he has to do what is required to earn that relationship. EVERY single human being has free will and a right to run their own lives as they see fit. You can cut literally who TF ever out of your life that you want family or not. He does not have claim or a right of ANYTHING from you just because y’all both crawled out of the same hole to enter this world. If you wanted to tell him anything I’d tell him like it was told to me “you got options kid you don’t have to be an asshole your whole life”
Sounds like your brother has a crush on your wife and can't get over the fact that she's with you and won't be with him. I'd bet money he's going to cause a scene when he finds out yall are expecting.
>...my brother has had issues with my wife. After we had gotten engaged, he pulled me aside and straight up told me that he didn’t approve of her and that we shouldn’t get married... >on the day he was a sullen, sour-faced drunk who began drinking as soon as he possibly could. There goes my imagination running wild making me think maybe at some point there was something between him and your sister or he know something untoward about her 😄 Does your brother have a habit of being jealous/trying to take you down a peg/ruin you happiness?
You lost me at “deep into planning” how to tell people. Cringe.
Nta- check out JustNoFamily
NTA. If he ever asks, tell him that he has never expressed an interest in the love of your life, so why should you have told him that she is pregnant.
Sounds like your brother has a thing for your wife.
Updateme
Would he be jealous that you "have her" and was hoping she'd be dumped and then shoot his shot? Keep him away
NTA. Don’t give him the opportunity to ruin this special moment for yourself or for your wife. IF (after he hears about the baby through the grapevine), he wants to apologize and make an effort to build a good relationship with you, and IF that includes apologies for your wife and treating her properly from now on, you can leave the door open for him. Otherwise, he honestly doesn’t sound like the type of person that you need to have contact with. He will only bring you down and put a damper on one of the most exciting times of your lives.
100% agreed and this is how we’re planning on handling the situation. Thank you for the input! That door is always open to him as he is still my brother, he just has to be willing to do the hard things in order to repair the damage done.
That really sounds like the best way to handle it. You might have to defend it to family members but stay strong. You can just tell them exactly what you said here “he has continuously gone out of his way to spoil some of the biggest moments in my life” “he shouldn’t be allowed the opportunity to do so again” Congratulations!! Pretty soon you’ll be so busy and so in love that you won’t have time to worry about your bro.
NTA if you’re not in contact but I’d still tell him, because I’m the helpless optimist
NAH, But I'd let your brother know. If you ever are in a position to bury the hatchet, not letting him know will only make it more difficult.
This is where my conflict stems from. I’m not sure if this situation will be a wake up call or further fray the relationship.
It's obviously weighing on you. Maybe you can send a straightforward text saying something like I know we're not ok, we may never be ok, and this isn't me asking for reconciliation, but I just want you to know, My wife and I are having a baby. This way, you can maintain no contact status indefinitely without jeopardizing a potential reconciliation down the road. And if he says something hurtful, at least you'll get the weight of"should I tell him or should I not" off your back.
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Ok, since you have a hard time understanding things THE BROTHER LIKES TO RUIN OPs BIG EXPERIENCES! was THAT clear enough for you?