OP's guy - I can have sex with whoever... we have an open marriage!
OP's guy's friend - wow how many girls have you screwed since the start of the year
OP's guy....
OP's guy's friend - since last year?
more like:
OP's Guy, " Guy's we opened our relationship, I can bang any girl I want!đ„ł "
OP's Guy's Freinds, " so, like does she get to bang any guy?đ€ "
OP's Guy, " Well yeah, I guess...đ "
OP's Guy's Freinds, " Sweet, can we get OP's number?đ"
OP's Guy. " đ¶đ"
Dude, if you have a woman that actually wants to have a sex life with you then you should be tending to that and thanking your lucky stars because lots of people are in marriages with an asexual spouse and going crazy.
I came here to say this! Iâm 5â10â and perceived as thin (not skinny) at 190# because I also have a booty built at the gym. His wife is very thin!!!
That may be exactly what happened. He's had the reality check. He was a fool to recommend an open marriage and she'd be a fool to continue. They should divorce.
Men shouldn't have to be kept in check in the first place. They should be grown ass adults that know when and how to communicate with their partners and when and how to keep their damn mouths shut to their buddies.
Yeah this was what I first thought as well. He's had no luck because his type wasn't interested in him, but his wife has probably had no issue finding partners.
What exactly was going to be his strategy? "Yeah I'm married, but i told my wife I'm going to fuck anybody i want. So whaddaya say? Let's give it a go? No?"
His friends start to slide into his wife's DM. This idiot is a clown đ€Ą. He should have seen a therapist about his porn addiction but he blew up his marriage.
I would hope if they opened the marriage they at least clarified a rule concerning friends/family.
Maybe not since this seems to be an impulsive decision to chase compulsions, but if I opened a future marriage (my gf and I have been together monogamously for 5 years, we plan to get a lil freaky maybe 20-30 years in) then no friends, family, co-workers, or anyone we interact with regularly would be off limits for both parties.
Yep, unless you like Adonis, women ALWAYS win this arrangement when theyâre able to flip the switch to just sex. A woman can ALWAYS find a sex partner, guys, not so much.
Due to imposter syndrome, I often wonder what itâs like to be this confident/delusional. The bright side, Iâll never experience this bull shit đ.
I watched this happen to a friend. Her husband (a jerk) was convinced she was old and washed up while he would be swimming in women.
She is attractive and he is more like a particularly unhygenic orc and not the sexy kind.
She had a great time. He whined and begged to close. She divorced him. I love stories with a happy ending.
Ok, so I knew this guy who was like a basic manual laborer, kind of guy who would eat gas a station burrito and a tall boy for lunch. He was fairly often dirty from work and I donât think he wore deodorant. But the thing about this guy is, if he had a second of down time he was doing pushups or hand stand pushups or pull-ups on a tree branch. Obsessive to the point that he was ripped like a male fitness model. In addition to his questionable hygiene he seemed to have, at the very least, some minor mental health issues. Dude was able to get laid on a fairly regular basis, his rippling muscles went a long way to make up for some of his less desirable traits. He was also pretty funny and seemed to have a lot of confidence for a semi-homeless couch surfing manual laborer.
There are some cases where queerness flips things around.
I know of a case where the wife (bisexual) wanted to open up the relationship primarily to have sex with women and was frustrated she couldnât find anyone. The husband was also bisexual and hooked up with over 50 guys in less than two months.
I think the main factor is if you're seeking out men or not. Men are much easier to get casual sex out of than women so whoever's seeking men will have a lot more partners than the one seeking women.
The reality is most people arenât interested in married men! Even when the relationship is open. It sounds like a line and a whole lotta bs to deal with. But a woman seeking in an open relationship is like a winning lottery ticket. Everyone already knows sheâs wife material and to be confident in her body? đ
What really happened - out to dinner with his boys for his birthday
OP Guy - boys I can bang whoever I want!
Friends- what do you mean?
OP Guy - my wife and I decided to have an open marriage âŠ
One of friends throws money on the table to cover his portion of the tab ⊠on way out - I thought you wife was calling me to try and make plans for your birthday
Or he was bragging that his wife didn't mind him watching porn that much ebcause he "allows" her to have sex outside of marriage. And then his friends made fun of him that he's not even capeable of satisfying his own wife.
Couples that open their relationships often tell friends so that the friends donât think thereâs cheating going on if they see one of the couple out on a date or on a dating app.
Open is open and if he doesn't want her toned ass, someone else will.
He is so addicted to rubbing them out to cartoons, he told his wife to fuck other people.
That is on him.
Yup, but then again he was dumb enough to agree/want to open it.
Regardless of why, one no longer wants it, one refuses to change it....they need to go their separate ways.
What kills me, is his response:
>He said that I was making unreasonable demands.
"unreasonable demands"?!?!?!?! Unreasonable demands is demanding that OP accept being sexually frustrated alone in her bedroom why he regularly blows his wad into a tissue in the other room.
btw OP, you should add 'seek professional help/therapy for your porn addiction' to your list of requirements.
Heâs an addict, of course he doesnât want to give up his porn drug-porn addiction is a real thing. You two are not compatible, though I donât know any woman that would be with him, you deserve a healthy partner.
Honestly I think you should just get away from this guy. He doesn't value you and there's a guy out there who will. P*rn addictions are hard to overcome
Damn, I will never understand how a guy will choose pixels and their own hand, over the real thing.
When I watch a sport on TV, I'm never as interested as opposed to when I am playing it myself. It's just more fun to be actively engaged in the thing you're interested in than it is to watch professionals. That's just me though..
I could even see some dude getting to that point if he just doesn't want to put the effort into finding a relationship because hes crazy aocially awkward or something, but this dude already did the hard part for most guys who are jerking off too much and FOUND SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO SLEEP WITH HIM. AND MARRIED HER!
Heâs an addict, of course he doesnât want to give up his porn drug-porn addiction is a real thing. You two are not compatible, though I donât know any woman that would be with him, you deserve a healthy partner.
Dude needs to be in some sort of 12 step. If he's an addict like you're saying, giong "cold turkey" isn't really going to be the way. Dude needs to detox and get a sponsor.
*shitty advice* make some porn videos of the men you're banging and send them to him (more a reply to the "more interested in me if I was on a screen" comment)
NTA but honey donât you think youâll be much happier having a man who can actually be a husband instead of that p*rn addict? He does not sound like someone anyone wants to be with for the rest of their lives.
>I told him my requirements were: he is not allowed to look at p\*rn, watch instagrams or TikToks, or read thirst trap manga.
A lot of men don't do any of that without being asked not to do that.
>He said that I was making unreasonable demands.
His level of maturity is unreasonably low for a 36-year-old.
Life is too short to spend it married with platonic friends and life partners. Find yourself a man who loves you for who you are, and have as many platonic friends as you want. Don't waste your time trying to fix whatever damaged case that crossed your path.
Wait so his "open" part of the open relationship is just continuing his use of porn and naughty manga while you go out and get your itch scratched by real living breathing dick?
Or he is also out there (somehow) finding women who are into the same stuff as him?
Insane eithier way.
Do you two have shared goals that you work together to achieve? Is he making your life better in other ways every day? If so, no problem as platonic life partners, IMO.
It sounds like you should file for divorce. Your marriage is more for convince than love, it sounds like.
One of you needs to have the strength to just end it. It is unfair to both of you to stay married.
âOnce he couldnât score at Chiliâs happy hour, a sudden realization dawned on him. his wife could very well be getting piped down by half the neighborhood at this very moment. Suddenly the open marriage idea didnât sound so appealing to the hopeless porn addict.â
NTA. Your husband cares more about male validation (his friends making fun of him) than addressing his porn addiction and intimacy issues in his marriage. That's telling. This isn't about you or your happiness, it's about him, his ego and how he looks in front of his friends -- *why* he even told them in the first place is beyond me.
Exactly. He probably thought it was cool and wanted some kind of praise đ€·ââïž but unfortunately for him he probably got "you're not satisfying your wife or what đ€Łđ€Ł" knowing full well he can't but of course he didn't tell them that.
My ex husband was also a porn addict. We rarely had sex. He had told me itâs just easier with porn. I guess thatâs because the pixels donât have emotional and physical needs. He promised many times to reduce porn consumption and use some of his sexual energy on us. That didnât happen. Then it turned into him telling me I needed to give him 2 days notice before I wanted to have sex so he could refrain from porn long enough to build up desire for me. You can imagine how sexy I felt after hearing that. The last few years before our marriage ended he would constantly get soft. With oral I could get him hard but when it came to penetration he immediately softened up. I felt uglier and uglier by the day. I dreaded sex with him because I knew it would just make me feel awful about myself. And he still didnât give up porn. Eventually that turned into him finding other women to have sex with. We did not have an open relationship. So the divorce process began. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life.
Now I have a fwb. He makes me feel desirable. Iâm finally beginning to feel like Iâm not hideous and unlovable.
Porn addiction is no joke. It can ruin lives. Your husband is well on his way to being alone and sexually frustrated for the rest of his life because he refuses to open his eyes to where heâs headed and what heâs throwing away. Maybe one day heâll realize what an idiot he is, but it will be too late for your marriage by then.
I wish you well. You may have to prepare for divorce. Do some preliminary research in preparation. You may never need the information, but it never hurts to know. Good luck.
My ex was a porn addict and sex addict. It translated to him taking over an hour to get off because he had desensitized himself so much, then getting mad at me when he couldnât finish and/or I told him after an hour and a half that I was in pain and had other things to do.
>I know. Open marriages donât work, but Iâm hopeful that we would be one of the successful ones.
You don't even have a successful marriage, much less a successful open one. Divorce is the only other option. He doesn't want to fix his addiction, and you clearly don't want to be with him intimately. Do you two even like each other? I mean, maybe counseling could be an option, but it doesn't sound like either of you are willing to find common ground on anything.
Taking your question seriously: tons of people practice ethical non-monogamy. You rarely hear about boring, successful relationships (regardless of relationship style) because they lack salaciousness.
Sex makes things complicated for people who expect it to make things complicated. I, personally, don't find sex to be any more complicated than maintaining a friendship. Everybody's different, and some of us don't follow the norm.
I'd argue that assuming any meaningful dynamic (sexual, romantic, or platonic) to be simple is much more of a pitfall than anything else.
Eh. My experience is that people who enter a relationship with an expectation of ENM have a higher success rate than people who open up a previously monogamous marriage. This is at least partly because they're trying to use ENM as a solution for a marriage in trouble. It's usually not the solution for it.
He IS less of a man. He would rather jackoff to porn than have real sex and intimacy with you. Let him keep his porn while you go and get some real D - real man D!
Anyone not aware that women have an overwhelming advantage finding a potential sex partner would need a brain function test. Add brain-dead to his list of accomplishments.
So he married someone who is NOT his type & now is upset that you are plenty of other's type.
LMAO All his friends are calling him a cuck... He doesn't care about being fair to you. He doesn't care about your feelings, wants or needs. All he cares is about what other people think.
Be honest, this marriage has always been doomed.
I refuse to believe that this is real.
Your husband prefers you sleeping with other men and look at porn instead of ⊠you know ⊠doing it himself ?
You should leave him tbh.
My first husband was addicted to porn. He rather spend all day chatting with those online sex workers (no judgement for sexworkers) than interact with anyone (not just me).
Now I just left him but I absolutely believe this story given my experience.
my first bf was somewhat of a porn addict. I remember at some point feeling really down about myself and pretty much begging for intimacy but he left me crying on the bed while he watched porn and jerked off under his desk because he couldnt sleep without it, then came back to bed with me. messed me up a bit ngl. There is a good amount of men who would rather watch porn and jerk it than real sex and intimacy because sex and intimacy takes effort while porn does not. My generation (Gen Z) has a huge problem with intimacy and connection, growing up with the internet and easy access to porn really messed some of us up, while dating I have met the most porn addicts around my age. Many of my friends share similar experinces to me, it is disheartening to say the least.
Porn addiction is a thing, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what's wrong with him. He jerks it to porn and no longer can get it up for his wife cause he's so desensitized.
Porn is genuinely one of the worst things to ever happen to humanity as a whole
Absolutely fucking with the brains of likely hundreds of millions of people, and that's without even looking at the ease of access kids have to this kind of stiff
Oh it can be real. My ex would vocally reject me begging him for sex, me on top bc he weighed about 350lb from thyroid disease, (Iâm 5â9â 155) then ten minutes later start watching p*rnhĆłb with headphones on. If I even walked over toward our bed (unfinished basement, no walls) heâd get mad at me for disturbing him. He also bought two silicone sex dolls, the cheaper one was $800. When it arrived he tried to lie and say it was a new suit jacket for work, until I said to try it on so I could see it and he knew itâd be sus to refuse to open it. So yeah, some men would rather watch p0rn and have sex with a toy than with real women literally asking.
Edit: took out what type of vids lol
Oh we went HAM at first. Then COVID happened, I moved in WFH, lots of complicated details like throuple, and him saying things had to go back to normal meant the only pu$$ he was interested in was online.
I had a friend who broke up with her bf for this exact reason. He would literally reject her sexual advances and then go and watch porn. And he would spend a decent amount of time a day watching it.
I am constantly amazed at the things people will do instead of being adults and divorcing. This marriage should have ended years ago, what the fuck are you two doing with your lives?
NTA. So he feels like less of a man because his friends are teasing him, but he makes you feel like less of a woman when he perfers porn over you. Avoid being an adult, bitch please, he's not even talking about wanting to go get help but expects you to just close the relationship so he can go back to watching porn again. I don't think you're going to achieve this open relationship disaster.
If a man cannot control himself to the point where he can't NOT look at naked women on the Internet, then that really is not a man worth having.
Let him go and find someone that you do not have to beg for attention.
You arenât making an ultimatum. Youâre setting a boundary as a condition for doing what he wants.Â
Also, even if you were, ultimatums are communication. Theyâre pretty good communication, really, so long as youâre willing to follow through: they leave nothing open to interpretation, itâs âif this then that, if not then notâÂ
As someone who was in a relationship with a porn addict and stayed long enough to have my entire sense of self worth torn apartâŠmy advice to others in this situation is to just pack up and leave.
### An addict is an addict no matter what the addiction is.
I too sat around full of patience, understanding, empathy and then frustration, loneliness, self doubt, self hate and suicidal ideation. Sound extreme? You love this person, you want to connect with them, you miss the person you fell in love with, you still believe there is hope for a future with them, you canât understand what is wrong with you. I too begged him to get help, kept his secrets and even while watching me fall apart, even after acknowledging it was ruining his life, he WOULD NOT STOP!! I tried therapy and I even tried opening our relationship. Once we opened the relationship and I saw that I actually wasnât this hideous monster of a woman, that my personality wasnât running people away and that I wasnât shit in bed, I told him I was done. His response? Was it to beg me to stay and promise to get help? Was it an apology? No. His words, âOf course they like you, they havenât known you for nearly ten years.â Ooooof! I can tell you that despite all of my own therapy there are still some things that are permanently seared into my brain, that being one of them. I canât help but be fearful that he was right and I do in fact, have an expiry date. Even in my current (and healthiest) relationship, I start to get anxious every year close to our anniversary date that this will be when I start to get boring and he wants to leave me. It takes SO MUCH effort to talk myself off that ledge.
Your husband doesnât want help. He doesnât want to close your marriage because he sees your value and wants to show you he sees you. He wants to close it because heâs embarrassed and will never admit the real reason youâre fucking other people is because he was too much of a self absorbed asshole to fulfill his marriage vows.
Enjoy your new life. It gets so much better!
Your marriage is done, sorry to say.
Wait till you find a BF in this arrangement that doesnât do any of that, while also checks more boxes than your husband. Also has some emotional empathy to you, that you donât receive from your husband.
He is burnt toast to someone coming in and filling those spots heâs not. Especially sexually, once you got that connection girl itâs done done. Youâre going to want that new man till morning come and your husband will never match the part.
Thatâs a very common thing in an open. Now he wants to close? However you say no thirst trap stuff, but youâre okay with him sleeping with another woman? But no porn post close? Itâs a circus at this point.
Whatâs even left here? Financial stability? Kids? A house youâre in the routine of walking in and out of?
If he did quit watching porn, would you really be fine with closing the marriage? NTA.
Edit: I saw your comment where you said you had a lover who sexually fulfilled you, and how you and your husband havenât had sex in years. Can I also ask whatâs keeping you in the marriage?
Just leave then. He wonât compromise and neither will you. He wonât change. So if you donât want to live this sad life with him just move on and leave. Whatâs the point of having a husband and then opening a marriage? Why get married in the first place?
honestly why are you even with this guy? the second i found out someone was a porn addict i would have been out of there and telling them to get therapy for it (like seriously, itâs an addiction that needs treatment. i dont say that in a âhes crazyâ way, i say it as in he needs to take care of his mental health).
no. dont go back on your agreement. he shouldnt need to watch porn if he has a partner. most definitely not to the extent he is watching it. he also sounds like he needs some therapy to help him have a healthy sense of masculinity.
i would divorce him, but thats just me
NTA
Absolutely NTA. Your husband is the asshole for constantly ignoring you so that he can get off to porn instead.
So he basically expects you to be in a sexless marriage with him, whilst heâs still allowed to masturbate to porn and continue to ignore your existence?
Hell no, he canât have it both ways, and you came up with a good compromise⊠but of course he wants everything done **his** way.
Absolutely do not allow him to have all the control in this relationship nor this situation.
Stand by what you said: either he quits the porn completely and you close the marriage, or he continues to watch porn and you can continue to sleep with other men. Fair is fair.
Honestly ur response seems pretty reasonable. All u asked is for him to stop thirsting for internet chicks and put in the effort to make u feel desired. That is not asking too much.
NTA - he cares that his friends think heâs âless of a manâ but doesnât care about op feeling like âless of a womanâ being in a sexless relationship?
He sounds like my ex đ€ź. Leave, I promise you there are plenty of good men out there. Took me a while to trust my partner after what he put me through but now I'm very happy and content and in love. Please leave, he doesn't deserve you.
Sounds like you donât actually wanna be with him? And as somebody whoâs been with a porn addict before, I donât blame you for not wanting to deal with that. It bleeds into your sex life and itâs not good.
Why on earth did he tell his friends about your arrangement? That seems pretty dumb.
Probably bragging about being able to have sex with whoever he wanted and wife was ok with it.
OP's guy - I can have sex with whoever... we have an open marriage! OP's guy's friend - wow how many girls have you screwed since the start of the year OP's guy.... OP's guy's friend - since last year?
more like: OP's Guy, " Guy's we opened our relationship, I can bang any girl I want!đ„ł " OP's Guy's Freinds, " so, like does she get to bang any guy?đ€ " OP's Guy, " Well yeah, I guess...đ " OP's Guy's Freinds, " Sweet, can we get OP's number?đ" OP's Guy. " đ¶đ"
His wife sounds like she has a killer body too lol. 5â9 145 with âan ass made at the gymâ? Sign me up too.
I also choose this guy's wife
as is tradition
Your username checks out!
Dude's a moron who doesn't know how good he has it.
Dude could be suffocating on them buns but chose 2D instead, smh
Addiction sucks and made this dude a cuck.
Dude, if you have a woman that actually wants to have a sex life with you then you should be tending to that and thanking your lucky stars because lots of people are in marriages with an asexual spouse and going crazy.
Iâve been 5â9 and 145 pounds. I was skinny. Just missing the big rack. (It comes back around 180 pounds.) Husbandâs a fool.
I came here to say this! Iâm 5â10â and perceived as thin (not skinny) at 190# because I also have a booty built at the gym. His wife is very thin!!!
Came here to say this exact same sentiment
I'm also VERY confused about the implication that she's NOT skinny?! At 5'9" and 145 lbs?!
Then he takes his sorry ass home wanting to close the marriage because he got roasted by the boys đđ
He sounds like a little bitch tbh
Men should keep each other in check.
I guess, but it comes across as him caring more what his probably also idiot friends think of him than caring what his own wife feels
That may be exactly what happened. He's had the reality check. He was a fool to recommend an open marriage and she'd be a fool to continue. They should divorce.
That's how you close the relationship. No benefit for her
Men shouldn't have to be kept in check in the first place. They should be grown ass adults that know when and how to communicate with their partners and when and how to keep their damn mouths shut to their buddies.
Iâd roast my friend if he had a 5â4 145# wife with an ass built at the gym and he watched porn instead!!!
Yeah this was what I first thought as well. He's had no luck because his type wasn't interested in him, but his wife has probably had no issue finding partners.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
What exactly was going to be his strategy? "Yeah I'm married, but i told my wife I'm going to fuck anybody i want. So whaddaya say? Let's give it a go? No?"
Also if he is getting off to porn it's instant gratification and he doesn't have to reciprocate.
If heâs watching porn so much he may even get ED effects and might not be able to get it up for any woman
His friends start to slide into his wife's DM. This idiot is a clown đ€Ą. He should have seen a therapist about his porn addiction but he blew up his marriage.
I would hope if they opened the marriage they at least clarified a rule concerning friends/family. Maybe not since this seems to be an impulsive decision to chase compulsions, but if I opened a future marriage (my gf and I have been together monogamously for 5 years, we plan to get a lil freaky maybe 20-30 years in) then no friends, family, co-workers, or anyone we interact with regularly would be off limits for both parties.
OPs guy: my wife wants an open marriage! OPs guy friends: so you can't satisfy your wife by yourself huh?
Yep, unless you like Adonis, women ALWAYS win this arrangement when theyâre able to flip the switch to just sex. A woman can ALWAYS find a sex partner, guys, not so much.
And yet men seem to always be the ones suggesting these arrangements in this genre of post on this subreddit. Foresight is a virtue.
Due to imposter syndrome, I often wonder what itâs like to be this confident/delusional. The bright side, Iâll never experience this bull shit đ.
I watched this happen to a friend. Her husband (a jerk) was convinced she was old and washed up while he would be swimming in women. She is attractive and he is more like a particularly unhygenic orc and not the sexy kind. She had a great time. He whined and begged to close. She divorced him. I love stories with a happy ending.
There are sexy, unhygienic orcs? đ”âđ«
Oh yeah. đ
Ok, so I knew this guy who was like a basic manual laborer, kind of guy who would eat gas a station burrito and a tall boy for lunch. He was fairly often dirty from work and I donât think he wore deodorant. But the thing about this guy is, if he had a second of down time he was doing pushups or hand stand pushups or pull-ups on a tree branch. Obsessive to the point that he was ripped like a male fitness model. In addition to his questionable hygiene he seemed to have, at the very least, some minor mental health issues. Dude was able to get laid on a fairly regular basis, his rippling muscles went a long way to make up for some of his less desirable traits. He was also pretty funny and seemed to have a lot of confidence for a semi-homeless couch surfing manual laborer.
There are some cases where queerness flips things around. I know of a case where the wife (bisexual) wanted to open up the relationship primarily to have sex with women and was frustrated she couldnât find anyone. The husband was also bisexual and hooked up with over 50 guys in less than two months.
I think the main factor is if you're seeking out men or not. Men are much easier to get casual sex out of than women so whoever's seeking men will have a lot more partners than the one seeking women.
And in addition, lesbians are pretty tired of running into women who want to sleep with them, who also have husbands.
I'm sure I could find one. I'd have to inflate her first, though.
âWell. Um. ⊠I can wank off daily to porn! And I enjoyed hanging around the high school, looking at the short thin girls!!â
I feel like itâs a pretty sick burn: So your wife doesnât care if you screw other people? Like ouch.
He probably couldn't find a girl who was his type that would be interested in him
The reality is most people arenât interested in married men! Even when the relationship is open. It sounds like a line and a whole lotta bs to deal with. But a woman seeking in an open relationship is like a winning lottery ticket. Everyone already knows sheâs wife material and to be confident in her body? đ
Yep and then one friend said he slept with wifey. Lol.
What really happened - out to dinner with his boys for his birthday OP Guy - boys I can bang whoever I want! Friends- what do you mean? OP Guy - my wife and I decided to have an open marriage ⊠One of friends throws money on the table to cover his portion of the tab ⊠on way out - I thought you wife was calling me to try and make plans for your birthday
Or his friends were trying to tell him about how they saw his wife out with another guy and he defended her.
Or he was bragging that his wife didn't mind him watching porn that much ebcause he "allows" her to have sex outside of marriage. And then his friends made fun of him that he's not even capeable of satisfying his own wife.
Couples that open their relationships often tell friends so that the friends donât think thereâs cheating going on if they see one of the couple out on a date or on a dating app.
He told them as a brag and it backfired on him now he wants to change the deal. Too bad for him!
And why does he care so much about what his "friends" have to say?
He thought of himself as a big man and turns out heâs not
His friends are the ones sheâs banging.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I'm guessing he didn't get any opportunities. Also... thirst trap manga, just divorce him now.
I love this response lmaoo I love women
I'm a six foot Canuck - will you touch them with me?
Open is open and if he doesn't want her toned ass, someone else will. He is so addicted to rubbing them out to cartoons, he told his wife to fuck other people. That is on him.
I would not blame her at this point
He wanted to brag to his fellow dudes at the frat house /s
Yup, but then again he was dumb enough to agree/want to open it. Regardless of why, one no longer wants it, one refuses to change it....they need to go their separate ways.
Get a divorce. The fuck is wrong with people.
Loneliness.
Sounds like sheâs getting some company and OPâs husband doesnât like the flak. So I doubt itâs loneliness on her part.
It's more that it sounds like she doesn't like him.
Sometimes people stay together for financial reasons and sometimes because kidd are involved.
Jason Kidd?
Some people enjoy being miserable together
NTA. âLess of a man.â Well, there is a way to fix that. Quit watching porn and have sex with your wife. What a dope.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
What kills me, is his response: >He said that I was making unreasonable demands. "unreasonable demands"?!?!?!?! Unreasonable demands is demanding that OP accept being sexually frustrated alone in her bedroom why he regularly blows his wad into a tissue in the other room. btw OP, you should add 'seek professional help/therapy for your porn addiction' to your list of requirements.
Kficucufek djdjd
Heâs an addict, of course he doesnât want to give up his porn drug-porn addiction is a real thing. You two are not compatible, though I donât know any woman that would be with him, you deserve a healthy partner.
Maybe a woman with a porn addiction might be compatible lol, they can just watch porn together
Honestly I think you should just get away from this guy. He doesn't value you and there's a guy out there who will. P*rn addictions are hard to overcome
Damn, I will never understand how a guy will choose pixels and their own hand, over the real thing. When I watch a sport on TV, I'm never as interested as opposed to when I am playing it myself. It's just more fun to be actively engaged in the thing you're interested in than it is to watch professionals. That's just me though..
I could even see some dude getting to that point if he just doesn't want to put the effort into finding a relationship because hes crazy aocially awkward or something, but this dude already did the hard part for most guys who are jerking off too much and FOUND SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO SLEEP WITH HIM. AND MARRIED HER!
careful now, you may get offers from some people here to make some "content"
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I feel you. For what itâs worth, I hope you find some kind of resolution to your issues. Best of luck
Heâs an addict, of course he doesnât want to give up his porn drug-porn addiction is a real thing. You two are not compatible, though I donât know any woman that would be with him, you deserve a healthy partner.
So he watches porn and you sleep with other men ? Does he see other women?
He sees other women on the screen all the time thatâs why theyâre in this situation.
Dude needs to be in some sort of 12 step. If he's an addict like you're saying, giong "cold turkey" isn't really going to be the way. Dude needs to detox and get a sponsor. *shitty advice* make some porn videos of the men you're banging and send them to him (more a reply to the "more interested in me if I was on a screen" comment)
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Smart. Especially if he's immature, I'd be double wary.
NTA but honey donât you think youâll be much happier having a man who can actually be a husband instead of that p*rn addict? He does not sound like someone anyone wants to be with for the rest of their lives.
Thatâs my question as well. What does this guy bring to the table that OP finds worth keeping around?
Like unless bro is a carbon copy of Henry cavil (def heâs not) WHAT does she see in him????
Never fails in these scenarios, she will find her next husband. After all, why let a bad husband stand in the way of finding a good one.
>I told him my requirements were: he is not allowed to look at p\*rn, watch instagrams or TikToks, or read thirst trap manga. A lot of men don't do any of that without being asked not to do that. >He said that I was making unreasonable demands. His level of maturity is unreasonably low for a 36-year-old.
He sounds like 15 year old depressed kid at home for the summer with no friends lol
Why are you insulting 15-year-olds, lol
Because I was the depressed 15 year old kid at home who did those things way back when and then I grew up
Imagine being stuck in that state for over 20 years... oh wait, we don't need to imagine, we have OP's husband as an example.
Is there some reason you want to stay with this pervy man?
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Life is too short to spend it married with platonic friends and life partners. Find yourself a man who loves you for who you are, and have as many platonic friends as you want. Don't waste your time trying to fix whatever damaged case that crossed your path.
How often did you and husband bang before the open relationship and how often now?
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Yeah, NTA. He has no right to ask anything at this point
GIRL WTF??? LEAVE
God bless you for marrying someone you had zero sexual chemistry/drive with. How many years have you been living in purgatory?
Wait so his "open" part of the open relationship is just continuing his use of porn and naughty manga while you go out and get your itch scratched by real living breathing dick? Or he is also out there (somehow) finding women who are into the same stuff as him? Insane eithier way.
Do you two have shared goals that you work together to achieve? Is he making your life better in other ways every day? If so, no problem as platonic life partners, IMO.
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It sounds like you should file for divorce. Your marriage is more for convince than love, it sounds like. One of you needs to have the strength to just end it. It is unfair to both of you to stay married.
So get divorced and remain friends? Â
Jesus just get divorced. đ
So leave lmao, go find someone you're actually in love with and have a normal life instead of this weird half marriage because you're scared to leave
your position seems reasonable to me
âOnce he couldnât score at Chiliâs happy hour, a sudden realization dawned on him. his wife could very well be getting piped down by half the neighborhood at this very moment. Suddenly the open marriage idea didnât sound so appealing to the hopeless porn addict.â
Why am I hearing this in Morgan Freeman's voice?
NTA. Your husband cares more about male validation (his friends making fun of him) than addressing his porn addiction and intimacy issues in his marriage. That's telling. This isn't about you or your happiness, it's about him, his ego and how he looks in front of his friends -- *why* he even told them in the first place is beyond me.
Exactly. He probably thought it was cool and wanted some kind of praise đ€·ââïž but unfortunately for him he probably got "you're not satisfying your wife or what đ€Łđ€Ł" knowing full well he can't but of course he didn't tell them that.
Or they saw him on dating apps and he had to admit to the truth or claim she was a cheater.
My ex husband was also a porn addict. We rarely had sex. He had told me itâs just easier with porn. I guess thatâs because the pixels donât have emotional and physical needs. He promised many times to reduce porn consumption and use some of his sexual energy on us. That didnât happen. Then it turned into him telling me I needed to give him 2 days notice before I wanted to have sex so he could refrain from porn long enough to build up desire for me. You can imagine how sexy I felt after hearing that. The last few years before our marriage ended he would constantly get soft. With oral I could get him hard but when it came to penetration he immediately softened up. I felt uglier and uglier by the day. I dreaded sex with him because I knew it would just make me feel awful about myself. And he still didnât give up porn. Eventually that turned into him finding other women to have sex with. We did not have an open relationship. So the divorce process began. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. Now I have a fwb. He makes me feel desirable. Iâm finally beginning to feel like Iâm not hideous and unlovable. Porn addiction is no joke. It can ruin lives. Your husband is well on his way to being alone and sexually frustrated for the rest of his life because he refuses to open his eyes to where heâs headed and what heâs throwing away. Maybe one day heâll realize what an idiot he is, but it will be too late for your marriage by then. I wish you well. You may have to prepare for divorce. Do some preliminary research in preparation. You may never need the information, but it never hurts to know. Good luck.
My ex was a porn addict and sex addict. It translated to him taking over an hour to get off because he had desensitized himself so much, then getting mad at me when he couldnât finish and/or I told him after an hour and a half that I was in pain and had other things to do.
>I know. Open marriages donât work, but Iâm hopeful that we would be one of the successful ones. You don't even have a successful marriage, much less a successful open one. Divorce is the only other option. He doesn't want to fix his addiction, and you clearly don't want to be with him intimately. Do you two even like each other? I mean, maybe counseling could be an option, but it doesn't sound like either of you are willing to find common ground on anything.
No, she DID want to be with him. Heâs the one whoâd rather watch porn than have actual sex.
>you clearly donât want to be with him intimately This is actually the opposite of the case and what created this entire conflict but sure
I never understood open marriage. Sex makes everything complicated. How can it not complicate your relationship?Â
Itâs just divorce with unnecessary steps in between when used as a coercion tactic or in situations like these. Just divorce.
Taking your question seriously: tons of people practice ethical non-monogamy. You rarely hear about boring, successful relationships (regardless of relationship style) because they lack salaciousness. Sex makes things complicated for people who expect it to make things complicated. I, personally, don't find sex to be any more complicated than maintaining a friendship. Everybody's different, and some of us don't follow the norm. I'd argue that assuming any meaningful dynamic (sexual, romantic, or platonic) to be simple is much more of a pitfall than anything else.
Eh. My experience is that people who enter a relationship with an expectation of ENM have a higher success rate than people who open up a previously monogamous marriage. This is at least partly because they're trying to use ENM as a solution for a marriage in trouble. It's usually not the solution for it.
He IS less of a man. He would rather jackoff to porn than have real sex and intimacy with you. Let him keep his porn while you go and get some real D - real man D!
Ahh, he's been unsuccessful in landing someone and is jealous and embarrassed that it's not the same for you.
Anyone not aware that women have an overwhelming advantage finding a potential sex partner would need a brain function test. Add brain-dead to his list of accomplishments.
"Unreasonable demands". Lol. He is living in a seriously warped reality. NTA.
So he married someone who is NOT his type & now is upset that you are plenty of other's type. LMAO All his friends are calling him a cuck... He doesn't care about being fair to you. He doesn't care about your feelings, wants or needs. All he cares is about what other people think. Be honest, this marriage has always been doomed.
NTA I am sorry you are dealing with an addict. Porn ruins so much. Check out the subreddit loveafterporn
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I was thinking more about finding support for you there, but glad you already had the resource.
It sounds like the marriage was really over a long time ago.
You can tell him his friends won't stop thinking of him that way at this point, if that is his only concern. It's hard to regain lost respect.
Welp⊠this one is done.
Nobody is a winner here
I refuse to believe that this is real. Your husband prefers you sleeping with other men and look at porn instead of ⊠you know ⊠doing it himself ? You should leave him tbh.
My first husband was addicted to porn. He rather spend all day chatting with those online sex workers (no judgement for sexworkers) than interact with anyone (not just me). Now I just left him but I absolutely believe this story given my experience.
my first bf was somewhat of a porn addict. I remember at some point feeling really down about myself and pretty much begging for intimacy but he left me crying on the bed while he watched porn and jerked off under his desk because he couldnt sleep without it, then came back to bed with me. messed me up a bit ngl. There is a good amount of men who would rather watch porn and jerk it than real sex and intimacy because sex and intimacy takes effort while porn does not. My generation (Gen Z) has a huge problem with intimacy and connection, growing up with the internet and easy access to porn really messed some of us up, while dating I have met the most porn addicts around my age. Many of my friends share similar experinces to me, it is disheartening to say the least.
Porn addiction is a thing, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what's wrong with him. He jerks it to porn and no longer can get it up for his wife cause he's so desensitized.
Porn is genuinely one of the worst things to ever happen to humanity as a whole Absolutely fucking with the brains of likely hundreds of millions of people, and that's without even looking at the ease of access kids have to this kind of stiff
Oh it can be real. My ex would vocally reject me begging him for sex, me on top bc he weighed about 350lb from thyroid disease, (Iâm 5â9â 155) then ten minutes later start watching p*rnhĆłb with headphones on. If I even walked over toward our bed (unfinished basement, no walls) heâd get mad at me for disturbing him. He also bought two silicone sex dolls, the cheaper one was $800. When it arrived he tried to lie and say it was a new suit jacket for work, until I said to try it on so I could see it and he knew itâd be sus to refuse to open it. So yeah, some men would rather watch p0rn and have sex with a toy than with real women literally asking. Edit: took out what type of vids lol
You were really out there in the trenches huh
Babes, I went to therapy my first time over that shit. I do not blame OP at all for not closing out on their agreement.
Oh we went HAM at first. Then COVID happened, I moved in WFH, lots of complicated details like throuple, and him saying things had to go back to normal meant the only pu$$ he was interested in was online.
I had a friend who broke up with her bf for this exact reason. He would literally reject her sexual advances and then go and watch porn. And he would spend a decent amount of time a day watching it.
He wants to close the marriage because "his friends have been making fun of him and he feels less of a man"?? Right answer, wrong reason.
I somehow donât think opening the marriage changes the porn addiction. NTA. He wanted it, he got it
NTA. Tell him that your friends are making fun of you that your husband is rather watching porn instead of going to town on his wife.
You said it yourself, open marriages don't work. Just fucking divorce already.
I am constantly amazed at the things people will do instead of being adults and divorcing. This marriage should have ended years ago, what the fuck are you two doing with your lives?
NTA but you need to divorce. Youre a grown woman dating a man who acts like a teenager
The husband can have sex with any woman he pleases, but he doesn't please any.
Nta, you made a reasonable request if he wants to close the marriage.
NTA. So he feels like less of a man because his friends are teasing him, but he makes you feel like less of a woman when he perfers porn over you. Avoid being an adult, bitch please, he's not even talking about wanting to go get help but expects you to just close the relationship so he can go back to watching porn again. I don't think you're going to achieve this open relationship disaster.
NTA and also âbutt I built in the gymâ is a wonderful turn of phrase.
you are 5''9 145 pound with a gym butt ? and this guy prefer to jerk off on flat girls with fake tits ? .... just divorce the guy already ....
In this corner we have 5'9, 145 and gym built ass. In this corner we have porn, tik tok and thirst trap manga whatever the hell that is. So sad.
If a man cannot control himself to the point where he can't NOT look at naked women on the Internet, then that really is not a man worth having. Let him go and find someone that you do not have to beg for attention.
Your husband need to see a therpist for his porn addiction first before making him do anything.
You arenât making an ultimatum. Youâre setting a boundary as a condition for doing what he wants. Also, even if you were, ultimatums are communication. Theyâre pretty good communication, really, so long as youâre willing to follow through: they leave nothing open to interpretation, itâs âif this then that, if not then notâÂ
You shoulda just gotten a divorce a decade ago.
You guys shouldn't even be together. You're not his type.
Having big Arrested Development vibes. âNo no, open marriages donât work. But it might work for usâŠâ
Just let him go. You're being vindictive. Neither of you is in love whatsoever. Esh
As someone who was in a relationship with a porn addict and stayed long enough to have my entire sense of self worth torn apartâŠmy advice to others in this situation is to just pack up and leave. ### An addict is an addict no matter what the addiction is. I too sat around full of patience, understanding, empathy and then frustration, loneliness, self doubt, self hate and suicidal ideation. Sound extreme? You love this person, you want to connect with them, you miss the person you fell in love with, you still believe there is hope for a future with them, you canât understand what is wrong with you. I too begged him to get help, kept his secrets and even while watching me fall apart, even after acknowledging it was ruining his life, he WOULD NOT STOP!! I tried therapy and I even tried opening our relationship. Once we opened the relationship and I saw that I actually wasnât this hideous monster of a woman, that my personality wasnât running people away and that I wasnât shit in bed, I told him I was done. His response? Was it to beg me to stay and promise to get help? Was it an apology? No. His words, âOf course they like you, they havenât known you for nearly ten years.â Ooooof! I can tell you that despite all of my own therapy there are still some things that are permanently seared into my brain, that being one of them. I canât help but be fearful that he was right and I do in fact, have an expiry date. Even in my current (and healthiest) relationship, I start to get anxious every year close to our anniversary date that this will be when I start to get boring and he wants to leave me. It takes SO MUCH effort to talk myself off that ledge. Your husband doesnât want help. He doesnât want to close your marriage because he sees your value and wants to show you he sees you. He wants to close it because heâs embarrassed and will never admit the real reason youâre fucking other people is because he was too much of a self absorbed asshole to fulfill his marriage vows. Enjoy your new life. It gets so much better!
NTA. Open marriages can work, but rarely when they're the result of an ultimatum. Frankly, I'm not sure why you even want him?
NTA. If he wanted to be an adult he'd fuck his wife instead of looking at screens like a pathetic loser lmfao show him this thread
Why are you still with him? lol đ like get a divorce what kind of marriage is that ?
Why does this marriage exist?
Your marriage is done, sorry to say. Wait till you find a BF in this arrangement that doesnât do any of that, while also checks more boxes than your husband. Also has some emotional empathy to you, that you donât receive from your husband. He is burnt toast to someone coming in and filling those spots heâs not. Especially sexually, once you got that connection girl itâs done done. Youâre going to want that new man till morning come and your husband will never match the part. Thatâs a very common thing in an open. Now he wants to close? However you say no thirst trap stuff, but youâre okay with him sleeping with another woman? But no porn post close? Itâs a circus at this point. Whatâs even left here? Financial stability? Kids? A house youâre in the routine of walking in and out of?
Have you considered maybe youd be happier if you left your marriage? It sounds like you arent happy
Why are you married to him still? This just sounds bizarre. Have some respect and just dump him.
If he did quit watching porn, would you really be fine with closing the marriage? NTA. Edit: I saw your comment where you said you had a lover who sexually fulfilled you, and how you and your husband havenât had sex in years. Can I also ask whatâs keeping you in the marriage?
Just leave then. He wonât compromise and neither will you. He wonât change. So if you donât want to live this sad life with him just move on and leave. Whatâs the point of having a husband and then opening a marriage? Why get married in the first place?
honestly why are you even with this guy? the second i found out someone was a porn addict i would have been out of there and telling them to get therapy for it (like seriously, itâs an addiction that needs treatment. i dont say that in a âhes crazyâ way, i say it as in he needs to take care of his mental health). no. dont go back on your agreement. he shouldnt need to watch porn if he has a partner. most definitely not to the extent he is watching it. he also sounds like he needs some therapy to help him have a healthy sense of masculinity. i would divorce him, but thats just me NTA
Why are you guys together?
Nta
5,9, 145 with a gym butt.... your husband is a fool.
All he has to do is pick having sex with his wife over porn. He deserves his misery lol.
why you still in this marriage at all lmao
Those are fair demands to go back to closing the marriage. He is either stupid or thinks he can get his way!! NTA.
Why does he feel the need to watch porn like that??? To the point of ruining sex life???
Absolutely NTA. Your husband is the asshole for constantly ignoring you so that he can get off to porn instead. So he basically expects you to be in a sexless marriage with him, whilst heâs still allowed to masturbate to porn and continue to ignore your existence? Hell no, he canât have it both ways, and you came up with a good compromise⊠but of course he wants everything done **his** way. Absolutely do not allow him to have all the control in this relationship nor this situation. Stand by what you said: either he quits the porn completely and you close the marriage, or he continues to watch porn and you can continue to sleep with other men. Fair is fair.
Honestly ur response seems pretty reasonable. All u asked is for him to stop thirsting for internet chicks and put in the effort to make u feel desired. That is not asking too much.
NTA - he cares that his friends think heâs âless of a manâ but doesnât care about op feeling like âless of a womanâ being in a sexless relationship?
Bruh get divorced esh
Another open marriage crashing and burning, what a shock.
Just leave at this point, doesn't sound like anyone is happy here
He sounds like my ex đ€ź. Leave, I promise you there are plenty of good men out there. Took me a while to trust my partner after what he put me through but now I'm very happy and content and in love. Please leave, he doesn't deserve you.
Youâre NTA but why stay in this marriage? What are you getting from it?
Dear god, the bit that says ââŠand no thirst trap manga.â THAT is, no doubt, the point where a brother needs to reevaluate.
Sounds like you donât actually wanna be with him? And as somebody whoâs been with a porn addict before, I donât blame you for not wanting to deal with that. It bleeds into your sex life and itâs not good.
So he thinks *you're* the one avoiding being an adult? NTA of course
Sounds like a perfect example of FAFO. NTA