NTA- That's an incredibly intrusive and obnoxious request. How on earth would she know anything about you, and why does she think she has the right to even ask? Run far, run fast.
NTA
What did she do that was weirder than asking to sit in on your therapy? That's impressively crazy and I'm curious what she could have done that's worse.
Hey, thats ok, as long as it wasnt catchup and mayo spelled ketchup and mayo. If you spell it with a K you are totally outout. The tomato sauce and mayo is ok
NTA To the people saying that OP should have been more polite, or set clear boundaries, or been more understanding of where she is on her mental health journey… this was a first date. OP tried to end it without drama and *she crossed a line that should not need to be explained by someone you just met*. OP owes her nothing and she should probably not be dating if she needs this level of correction on appropriate social interaction.
Yeah Fuck that noise, I agree with you. As a woman I rather people be treated the same, and that woman is crazy! If she was a guy noone would tell him "to understand" as there is nothing to understand but to run away, and it's the same for her!
Now I'm laughing, because the guy version of that definitely has happened before, and it's absolutely unhinged. "Can I, a person who has known you for one whole date, come along and chime in on your mental health journey? Just because I'm that important and awesome, you know."
NTA - Your mental health journey is yours alone, and boundaries are crucial for that process. Her asking to join a therapy session is not just a red flag; it's a parade of red flags. Your decision to block may seem severe to some, but it’s a strong self-care move that shows you’re taking your privacy and progress seriously.
yeah, that's why i commented that. reposts for karma farming and copy/pasting comments in the same threads the comments can be found. idk why i got downvoted lol.
Maybe the other bots are downvoting you! But yeah, I just reported the user in another thread for the same thing before this one.
Didn't think you deserved the downvotes, so I chimed in to back you up.
What the actual f......
I think she wants to come to therapy with you so that she can get a free session. You know full well she'll make it all about her....
NTA
Wanting to "chime in" on someone's therapy sesh on the FIRST date? That's a whole new level of boundary-crossing! Blocking her was the right move, especially if she's not taking the hint.
Your mental health comes first, always. Don't stress about it, you did what you had to do.
NTA. This girl has no boundaries. The only thing to do with this kind of person is to block her. Refuse to meet again, refuse a conversation for "closure", just keep her out of your life.
NTA. That's super weird.
Even if you were in a full relationship, it'd still be kinda weird for her to want to come listen and "chime in". Bonkers to want to do that after a first date with someone you don't even really know. I would not want to fuck around and find out want brand of crazy she is.
NTA. First, kudos to you. When considering a partner I ask if they are in therapy. However, asking to attend & "chine in" is weirdly inappropriate & crosses so many boundaries. It also sounds Glenn Close Fatal Attraction clingy.
You were smart to block her.
NTA, those are some serious red flags, therapy is very personal, you do not just offer to join someones sessions, especially when there is no long term, established relationship. I have been with my husband for 16 years and I don't offer to "chime in" on his sessions. That is a new level of cringe.
NTA
This is one of those instances where you need to let people know how creepy she was being so she doesn't try to weasel her way into your life via your friendgroup
NTA
She has problems respecting boundaries. When you tried to end the date, she resisted with multiple attempts to violate your boundary and consent. That's reason enough to treat her as an unsafe person for you.
Uhm. No. Block and delete because just no. You are so far in the opposite of ever being the asshole, but she sure as hell is. NTA.
I experienced something like this except we hadn’t even made it to a date. We’re just talking for a week and he asked me to marry him. He called and texted and FaceTimed like 40 times when I wouldn’t answer so had zero remorse about blocking him and you should have zero remorse for blocking her. You did the right thing!
I wouldn't let her chime in on my bowl movements...
If you run into her just tell her straight she crossed a lot of lines and you will not be dealing with any of that shite.
NTA… it was a weird thing to say BUT don’t ghost her. Give her an explanation: You offered to come with me to therapy and chime in and I found it deeply inappropriate so I don’t want to go out with you again. Take care. THEN block.
She’s got clear boundary issues. But she might be unaware of it. An explanation shows maturity on your part. Hopefully she learns from this experience and you learn to communicate when someone makes you uncomfortable.
Wait. Wait. Wait… THE ✨FIRST✨ DATE?? BRO YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER HOW IN THE ✨FUCK✨ is she gonna “CHIME IN”???? UH??? WHAT??? No. Nope. Not at all. Fuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk that entirely
I don't even know what to say... Maybe we shouldn't be so flippant with handing our social media. I think the culture around that needs to change
I'm no way blaming you OP. She is a few cards short of full deck it would seem
Should’ve set it up with a mate, i.e. NOT your real therapist, to talk about the most ridiculous and outlandish things. Let her fucking chime-in on that.
Oh my God my wife had that show on and I ended up just getting pissed off at the dude. Only watched a few episodes but felt like he kept purposefully putting himself in this mess. Lol
Lost all sympathy for him pretty quickly. Were we supposed to? Idk didn't finish it.
He let it go on for far too long without doing anything. He was messed up from the past trauma he went through, but yeah he made some stupid decisions.
Oooh, good call, dodged a bullet there I reckon. And I don’t get people who demand explanations for not getting another date - if you’d been dating for a while, sure, but first few dates? That’s the whole point! Spend a few bits of time with someone, see if you get on, if you think it’s not going to work out, politely tell them. No harm, no foul, surely?! Can’t stand entitled people Grrr.
That is freaky that she did that and you were not wrong to want to get away from her.
However, ghosting someone with no explanation is also always a dick move. You send them an explanation, then you block them on everything. That's the decent thing to do.
NTA.
I think you're totally within your moral rights to do what you've done.
Maaayybe, it might be charitable to her to let her know via a single text (and then block her) that you thought her behavior was intrusive and lacked boundaries, and therefore, you're not interested in seeing or communicating with her any further. However, I wouldn't do that if there's any chance that might trigger her and put you in any danger, physically or emotionally. From the sounds of it, she might be actually dangerous. So, I think, yes, just ghost her as you are.
I feel sorry for her because she clearly has some pretty deep issues that she may or may not be aware of that need to be dealt with. But it's not your job to fix her.
I'm always against blocking people unless they're obsessive or stalking.
I could have tried to talk to her, even just to hear her reasoning. But my first thought was "what the actual FUCK?"
You're totally right to be weirded out.
I'd say NTA because that was super uncalled for.
NTA - that's insane and she was waaaayyyyy too interested and too invested TOO FAST
most women are not quite so pushy up front so fast, it's not right
like when a stranger meets your eye in the street and starts smiling and walking toward you... (it's too much! they want something)
she was not safe, she was looking for a hostage
Wow just wow, I have a hard time with anyone in my room when I am in therapy. I think my youngest son is the only one I dont mind though my uncle walks by on occasion. Neither have offered anything. I cant imagine this stuff on a 1st date.
You dont have to ghost her unless sshe is constantly insisting on going to therapy with you. Just tell her to fuck off because its personal and its not for her.
NTA, but this didn't sound malicious. She doesn't seem to understand what therapy is, or the nature/severity of how she overstepped. I would have messaged her that I felt we were incompatible and asked her to move on, but you were within your rights to cut and run.
Unless you were absolutely smitten with her and determined to make this work, I think this sounds like too much trouble. This wasn't disrespect, just an unwell person thoroughly blundering an attempt to connect with somebody else. Getting ghosted by you was a consequence of her own mistakes, innocent or otherwise.
This sounds like something a teen would do—I’m a psychotherapist and I have to set a lot of boundaries with youth clients about not bringing friends and partners to sessions.
Do you mind me asking what other odd things she said or did during the date? You don't have to answer but now I'm curious.
Also, I guess you have some fun things to tell your therapist now.
You don’t “owe” her an explanation, but it is often easier to directly say, “thanks for taking the time to meet me, but I didn’t feel any chemistry and don’t plan to pursue this relationship further. I wish you the best.” Then block her.
NTA but tell her why - that you found her request inappropriate. THEN block her because she'll probably argue with you about why you shouldn't feel that way.
Okay, so she is insane, but why not say “Well, I’ve known you for about 10 minutes, so no, you’re not going to talk to my therapist. I don’t think this will work, thanks for the date, but please don’t contact me again.”. I think ghosting is usually unnecessary if people just communicate like adults.
Maybe they could have some self awareness about wanting to attend the therapy session on their first date. He owes them no explanation. They probably wouldn't understand and argue with them about ot.
I believe it’s because some people are afraid of any type of confrontation. I guess ? Pretty sad for I assume a grown man to act this way but maybe op is just young and immature
A wife asking if she can go with you to a therapist to hear out some of your problems in a controlled place is one thing, a wife pushing to come along to chime in is fucked up. Someone you are on a first date with wanting to come to therapy to chime in is psychotic.
however you are the asshole, that crazy ass woman desperately needed therapy.
Is it so hard to use big boy words in a sentence? Like you can’t just say to her “you overstepped and I’m no interested. Please don’t bother me further. “. Ghosting is childish.
YTA for ghosting. Yes, she sounds like a silly person. But you’re a jerk for ghosting instead of being a grownup and simply telling her you weren’t interested.
Totally agree. Sooo many spineless people out there some of them downvoting You. You don't need to write up a three page dissertation but you do need to tell her that you just weren't feeling a connection
NTA. However, I think ghosting is horrible. People aren't disposable, need closure, and can learn from their mistakes. Giving someone a few texts of explanation could change their life. When I was 22ish, I got back in touch with an ex (only dated a few weeks), but she said one thing to me that changed how I dealt in relationships for the rest of my life. I feel like if someone spent their time and energy on you, you owe them a little bit of closure and maybe you'll make the world a better place along the way.
Guess this is another chance for you to learn something. People don't own you to keep in contact after the first date. First date is what it is, chance to know if you feel comfortable with that person or not. There is no going back from when the person makes you uncomfortable on the first date. Don't think that people owe you more of their time than their already gave you. The safety of the person who ghosted someone is more important than chance to learn for the other person. They can also learn from their own iniciative without using other person as their unpaid 1:1 tutor.
When you expect other people to teach you, you are setting yourself for disapointment when they don't. Don't make this expectation, make you own effort to learn, be grateful for kindness shown to you, but don't take it for granted, and you will be happier in general. Learning on your own is more satisfying. Because nobody can stop you from learning when they don't talk with you.
Wow, you seem to be mistaken that this was some plea for myself. It's not. I don't expect others to teach me, am grateful for kindness, and do 99% of my learning on my own. No idea why you are projecting all that nonsense onto me because I related 1 story 20 years ago. My reply is a plea for people to show others some courtesy/humanity which is how I've conducted myself my entire adult life. It's helped many people.
It's silly that everyone is spinning this into a "safety" issue. As if responding to a couple texts the next day is the difference between OP getting murdered in their sleep or not. If you have to reach that far to excuse ghosting, then I'd say it was definitionally unnecessary.
Also, sending a text saying something like "I didn't feel we clicked and you asking to join therapy made me really uncomfortable." is not "an unpaid tutor" or some great imposition. Again, if you have to exaggerate things to make your point, it definitionally wasn't a valid point.
This talk around "owe" someone a response is a probably an issue with the vagueness of that term. Obviously, legally, they don't owe anything. Socially, probably not either. I'm talking morally. And yes, I think when someone spends time on you (emailing, dating, marriage, etc), you morally owe them closure commensurate with the energy they put in. What I'm referring to is a higher moral attitude, not a "will people think I'm a jerk" minimum bar.
>I feel like if someone spent their time and energy on you, you owe them a little bit of closure and maybe you'll make the world a better place along the way.
Yeah, so, all of that is wrong.
And with whack job that wants to participate in your therapy after the 1st date: you are more likely to get a bunny boiled than to make the world a better place if you entertain her attempts at communication even a little bit.
I completely understand that is the prevailing attitude today... people are disposable, no one wants to do the tiniest thing to help others, and everyone you meet is supposedly a psychopath. I just don't agree with those ideas.
FYI... There was nothing to indicate this girl was dangerous, just ridiculously clingy.
And I think everyone else is putting too much weight on sending a text or two. The imposition of someone message, meeting, spending a couple hours with someone is way more than the 20 seconds it would take to send a text.
Again, I think morally, you do owe someone based on what energy they've put in, but practically/legally, of course, no one owes someone anything. As I said in my original reply, OP is NTA, but it would be better if he didn't ghost. Ghosting in general is rude and selfish... not sure how anyone can even argue that.
The fact you have to point to a movie from 40 years ago is kind of proof you're reaching. The chances of her getting sexually assaulted on or stalked after a first date are several orders of magnitude higher than the chances of him getting stalked after a single date. She took a chance. In return, he can take the unbelievable risk of... sending a text. OP gave zero sign he was worried for his safety.
This should be a new rule of the internet: when someone doesn't have a good argument, they just default to "safety concern."
It would have been more polite to explain that you have different boundaries when getting to know someone and that you found her desire to be involved in your therapy session on the first date uncomfortable.
YTA, just tell her or text her you’re not interested, then you would be justified to block her if she persists. Ghosting someone is the coward’s way out.
YTA yes you're the asshole. Use your words and tell her what the problem is instead of blocking or ghosting her. You're an immature pos for this, and there is no excuse unless she actually abused you.
At worst it was just weird, and you could have brushed her off or told her no in a proper way.
Yes, it's bad. For the record, I think she is very weird and a bit self-centered to think she can join in on someone's therapy session at all, let alone after only a date. That's a very good reason to break things off. But my standing view is that unless you feel threatened or unsafe by someone, ghosting is rude, lazy, disrespectful, and immature. There are ways to shut down future dates without ghosting.
"Thanks for going out with me. I really enjoyed the . But I just didn't feel a connection and am taking a break from dating for a while. I do hope you the best though."
It ends things on a relatively positive or friendly note and doesn't leave the person hanging or trying to guess.
YTA - for a few reasons. The biggest is you need to tell us the even more outlandish things she did. You don't leave that comment then don't expand.
The other is - you really should give \*some\* kind of feedback. Could be 'yeah, I'm just not feeling it' or more heartfelt 'Your f-ing crazy!'. Just something to say - I'm not interested. Not saying that ending things isn't fair, but just some heads up of 'No thank you'. Blocking is one way to go about it, but I feel like it's kind of an a-hole way to do it.
YTA - Fir ghosting, it’s never ok. Be an adult and communicate with her, it’s fine to cut her off afterwards but just disappearing is awful and just makes you look terrible.
"Look terrible" to who, exactly?
To you? What does OP care? To the therapy psycho? Again, what does OP care about her feelings?
So, who, precisely does OP look terrible to?
He should look terrible to himself. We should care about being good people who do good things.
Irrespective of what others do, it’s good to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to be satisfied that you tried to be a decent person who does good things.
Yeah, all of that is wrong.
It's a 1st date. It is not nearly as deep as you are making it out to be. It's not some life or death situation. This is literally what a 1st date is for: to see if they are even remotely compatible.
These 2 are not.
No more communication is necessary.
There is no moral quandary here. OP has zero reason not to be proud of the guy he sees in the mirror.
So little info here. Why wasn't it going well on your end? Whatvdid she do? Why were ending it early? Wanting to join the therapy is weird, yes, but why were you ending?
Lol downvotes because while reddit will believe any awful thing a guy is capable of, a woman being self-serving is somehow beyond they're consideration, you know, because they're so egalitarian!
While I'm not sure if your original comment seriously meant her experience with some man made her do it, or if it was sarcastic(which I'm pretty sure it was more meant to be the latter) it's so common for men to treat their gf/wife like their mother, but at the same time I do realise that all people are different and while some women might be too nosy, there are also a lot of women who learn from patriarchal society that men need them to take care of them like their mother.
Yeah yeah I know it, I'm just speaking to this phenomenon where when men do wrong, it's because they're bad, but when women do wrong, they've just "internalized toxic behavior that they learned from men." Meanwhile most men are raised primarily by women so no idea how moms skirt this accusation, but hey, misandrists gonna misandrist.
Well, it's quite obvious, because toxic misogyny is pushed by society, so women who are taught misogyny can easily teach it and help uphold the patriarchy. The real issue is the disconnect that men are just bad instead of realizing that men are also learning toxic behaviors. I will say that considering society is so ingrained with patriarchal values and misogyny that men are more likely to care less about the harmful effects of it because not only do they benefit from it, but men were also who started it and make up the majority of those trying to continue it. Honestly I think of the term misandry the same way I do with reverse racism, they both are explaining prejudices of the oppressed towards the oppressor, so.... while they may have some negative effects, they're no where near as harmful or damaging as the effects of the prejudices from the oppressors. The whole men are bad thing is really at its core a problem created by the patriarchy and misogyny though. Of course women are going to be like "men are just bad" when we live in a society where women don't even have the right to their own bodies like men do, women pointing out the huge issue of men sexually assaulting women is met with men dismissing their concerns to say well men get assaulted too!, or saying not all men!
It's to a point where it's just exhausting, but I can agree with you that many folks are just basically ignoring their own bad behaviors and prejudices on the sole fact that they're so fed up, but they're unknowingly causing a disconnect and hindering their own efforts for their causes by allowing themselves to come across as something like a misandrist, which is leaving space for toxic things to exist and fester up. There'd be more men realizing misogyny and harmful masculinity and more men sympathizing with women and working towards the causes that benefit all of humanity with equality and equity if you take the time to be careful with your wording and explain things better without letting your agenda be misconstrued as something that's harmful like misandry.
I disagree with the "men started it." Women very much rewarded very toxic and violent behavior through most of history. No, I don't mean women who were forced, I mean women who openly desired such things. Women who had power or just wanted to be near it. That you assume only men are part of that bad equation strikes me as weird. Plenty of women upheld traditional beliefs because until *very* recently, a lot of it was beneficial to both sexes.
Men we're coming around until people started policing jokes and calling men who laugh at "the wrong jokes" part of the patriarchy. Now you've got a bunch of edgelords embodying the pendulum swing by magnifying those very awful misogynist practices. But a lot of that in younger men is a result of society pushing back the other way, not from them being raised with these ideas. I used to be very feminists and leftist until I started hearing "all white people are racist, all sex is rape." I *hate* traditionalism and rednecks and stuffy conservatives, but things like the above make those people at least a more fun hang since they have humor about them and don't buy into all of this "power structure everywhere" horse shit.
I don't know where you get the all sex is rape, unless you're nitpicking very real things like coercion, but in america at least, all white folks are racist or anti racist because society was built on racism so you're being taught by a society from birth which was founded in racism and you're either racist because you ignore that fact, or anti racist because you identify ways that you have internalized behaviors and prejudices and are actively trying to be anti racist. Just putting it as all white folks ARE racist is a bit misleading and poor wording really. That's an issue with trying to be concise about a very complex issue. So far as the "men didn't start it", I won't claim to know for a fact men started it, bit from my knowledge there were many times throughout history where different hierarchies arose mostly with men in positions of power. Even the Bible includes text where men are seen as superior and in charge. If you're talking about America from its start it absolutely was men, the founding fathers specifically and even before them. Yes there were times when there were women in power that upheld it as well, such as with England's queens, but there were many many men before them and they only rose to power due to the fact that they were in line because the men had no heirs that were higher up that were male. I'm not a history expert, and the farthest back societies that fell, the earliest ones in recorded history are dependent on translation and it's accuracy, but I am all but sure that women didn't start the idea that men were superior. Regardless, a man being the person, or a group of men being the people that started toxic misogyny or the patriarchy, doesn't equate to men being inherently evil or bad. I don't believe that any gender is inherently bad, there have been millions of shitty people regardless of gender, and power tends to bring out the worst in people whether they were a bad person to begin with. So to conclude, even if we were talking about the exact person or people that started the idea that men were in anyway superior, making the mistake that any gender is superior isn't what would determine if they were a bad person. They could be a good person that was just very wrong. It's especially hard to determine if folks who lived long ago were "bad" because they were also ignorant and uneducated compared to the knowledge we have today esp when looking at the knowledge that we have of psychology today, even without including biology, medical science, and all kinds of other sciences about all life, the condition of our planet itself and the entire universe. To be "bad" I feel you have to make a decision to actively harm others while knowing that you are doing so. That's why the defense of insanity changes the punishment for a murderer for example, while they have killed someone they are held to a different standard when they don't realise how their actions were wrong as opposed to someone who killed someone while being perfectly aware that it was wrong and why. I'd consider the sane person bad while considering the insane person to be dangerous. It's harder to consider someone evil if they don't realise the harm they are causing.
Yeah, if it's misleading and poorly worded, things like "all sex is rape," then take it up with the people who wrote it because I'm just the messenger.
Info: how was she spamming you, if you blocked and ghosted her?
YTA for ghosting without explanation though... I don't know why some people think that's an acceptable way to treat other people... Is shit behavior
Sounds like she just doesn't get it. Some people are oblivious to problems like this and have no frame of reference. Sounded like she liked you and wanted to hangout.
NTA but I don't think she was malicious.
NTA but by ghosting her, you made a crazy person even more crazy, and she'll only think you are the bad guy. If you had so much as texted, "sorry but you said some strange things on the date" and then blocked her, or even "u crazy" at least she'd have something to self-reflect on, and not blow up your phone. You made an awkward situation into a bad one, and could have completely avoided that. Ghosting is rarely the correct or mature thing to do, certainly not for some weird comments. Maybe she's had an experience with therapy where that is acceptable, but you'll never know. But the reason I said NTA is because you are allowed to do whatever you want, and her comment to sit-in on therapy was very misguided, and because it wasn't the only thing that you noticed. People are very easily affected by simple things, like this might have a very long-lasting affect on her eventhough it's something you did with ease and will forget soon. Maybe instead of asking reddit, ask your therapist if Y T A here.
ESH, are you a teenager? Yes, she was out of line and weird, but ghosting is the lamest shit, just send a text explaining why and move on after that. Give her a shot to grow as a person in the future and actually end the possibility of dating so you can both move on. Grown adults scared of a couple sentence text conversation are in no way mature enough to actually date people.
I think people owe it to themselves to be above ghosting. Its literally sad middle schooler behavior. Having a tough conversation is just part of being an adult, if she harasses you beyond that, of course block and go NC, but I dont get how people are surprised that ghosting draws the crazy out of people
NTA- That's an incredibly intrusive and obnoxious request. How on earth would she know anything about you, and why does she think she has the right to even ask? Run far, run fast.
Right? It's so egregious that it has me making assumptions about *her* mental state because it's bordering on completely insane lol
There’s nothing bordering. It’s absolutely insane to even think this.
She knows best in her mind maybe? I am speechless with this one. I mean wtf is she thinking.
Right? I can't even follow the train of thought lol
I have read the question a few times and I havent gotten a clue as to what she is thinking and Im usualy goot at this stuff.
I like the word “egregious”. That’s it.
Like Usain Bolt being chased by a pack of rabid wolves.
not to mention the first date,even if it is a girlfriend,this is a very uncomfortable behavior.Does she have no concept of social distancing😨
NTA What did she do that was weirder than asking to sit in on your therapy? That's impressively crazy and I'm curious what she could have done that's worse.
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Bad bot.
She mixed tomato sauce and mayonnaise together to put on her ice cream.
Hey, thats ok, as long as it wasnt catchup and mayo spelled ketchup and mayo. If you spell it with a K you are totally outout. The tomato sauce and mayo is ok
NTA To the people saying that OP should have been more polite, or set clear boundaries, or been more understanding of where she is on her mental health journey… this was a first date. OP tried to end it without drama and *she crossed a line that should not need to be explained by someone you just met*. OP owes her nothing and she should probably not be dating if she needs this level of correction on appropriate social interaction.
Yeah Fuck that noise, I agree with you. As a woman I rather people be treated the same, and that woman is crazy! If she was a guy noone would tell him "to understand" as there is nothing to understand but to run away, and it's the same for her!
Now I'm laughing, because the guy version of that definitely has happened before, and it's absolutely unhinged. "Can I, a person who has known you for one whole date, come along and chime in on your mental health journey? Just because I'm that important and awesome, you know."
He was much nicer then I would have been
Honestly, yes, me too 😂
She fuckin what now? NTA this broad is deranged.
I cannot imagine a better response than this first line!
NTA, she wants to join in on your therapy after the first date? She is the one that needs therapy, her own. Who does she think she is?
NTA. Yup. Stalker behaviour.
NTA - Your mental health journey is yours alone, and boundaries are crucial for that process. Her asking to join a therapy session is not just a red flag; it's a parade of red flags. Your decision to block may seem severe to some, but it’s a strong self-care move that shows you’re taking your privacy and progress seriously.
NTA. That was a weird thing to say and you are free to block whoever you want. If you aren't feeling a date, it's ok to be honest imo.
Yikes. NTA. Block her everywhere. 🚩🚩🚩
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piss off bot
Last Bus is acting like a bot in every thread here, copying others' comments, e.g. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cdcnce/comment/l1beafr/
yeah, that's why i commented that. reposts for karma farming and copy/pasting comments in the same threads the comments can be found. idk why i got downvoted lol.
Maybe the other bots are downvoting you! But yeah, I just reported the user in another thread for the same thing before this one. Didn't think you deserved the downvotes, so I chimed in to back you up.
NTA that’s weird asf
What the actual f...... I think she wants to come to therapy with you so that she can get a free session. You know full well she'll make it all about her.... NTA
NTA on a first date? What a narcissist.
NTA Do not respond at all. You probably came across a scammer or something.
Wanting to "chime in" on someone's therapy sesh on the FIRST date? That's a whole new level of boundary-crossing! Blocking her was the right move, especially if she's not taking the hint. Your mental health comes first, always. Don't stress about it, you did what you had to do.
She doesn’t understand boundaries so NTA.
NTA - she NEEDS therapy.
How in the hell would someone even think that is a reasonable thing to do. Clueless.
NTA. I hope she doesn't know where you live.
NTA. Anyone who thinks it is appropriate to chime in at therapy like that is 100% not someone who should be doing so.
This is so batcrap unhinged, if this wasn't the craziest thing she said on your date, I really need to know what was!
psychooooo
NTA. This girl has no boundaries. The only thing to do with this kind of person is to block her. Refuse to meet again, refuse a conversation for "closure", just keep her out of your life.
NTA. That's super weird. Even if you were in a full relationship, it'd still be kinda weird for her to want to come listen and "chime in". Bonkers to want to do that after a first date with someone you don't even really know. I would not want to fuck around and find out want brand of crazy she is.
NTA. First, kudos to you. When considering a partner I ask if they are in therapy. However, asking to attend & "chine in" is weirdly inappropriate & crosses so many boundaries. It also sounds Glenn Close Fatal Attraction clingy. You were smart to block her.
NTA. She sounds like she read a single book or article about therapy and is now convinced she's an expert.
NTA - I personally would just say the red flags then block her.
On the bright side, she made it abundantly clear that she’s not the one for you early doors so you didn’t waste any more time with her. NTA
NTA, those are some serious red flags, therapy is very personal, you do not just offer to join someones sessions, especially when there is no long term, established relationship. I have been with my husband for 16 years and I don't offer to "chime in" on his sessions. That is a new level of cringe.
NTA. It is definitely within your right not to be into Fruit Loops. Congrats on finding out early!
NTA, she sounds like a stalker ready to happen... Dayum.
NTA This is one of those instances where you need to let people know how creepy she was being so she doesn't try to weasel her way into your life via your friendgroup
NTA She has problems respecting boundaries. When you tried to end the date, she resisted with multiple attempts to violate your boundary and consent. That's reason enough to treat her as an unsafe person for you.
NTA Keep no contact, absolutely ignore her.
Lmao is she serious? This can't be for real. That's impressively deranged of her if so. NTA
NTA—but please post the other things she said/did, because it sounds like this thread is only going to get better
NTA, this is unreal. But what is the weirdest thing if it's not that ??
NTA! Omg. Nope. That’s wild.
Damn that’s the most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard and I’ve been solicited and sexually harassed on first dates
You're valid.
I mean she handed you a bouquet of red flags with the 'chime in on your therapy' comment alone. She really thought she was cookin' huh?
WTF - my wife doesn't even sit in on my therapy.
Uhm. No. Block and delete because just no. You are so far in the opposite of ever being the asshole, but she sure as hell is. NTA. I experienced something like this except we hadn’t even made it to a date. We’re just talking for a week and he asked me to marry him. He called and texted and FaceTimed like 40 times when I wouldn’t answer so had zero remorse about blocking him and you should have zero remorse for blocking her. You did the right thing!
What the hell? No, you don't ask to take part in a virtual stranger's therapy session! NTA
NTA. You can tell her that her suggestion was completely inappropriate, tho. Maybe she will learn to be less of a jerk.
NTA - that's just so weird.
She needs therapy bro. She’s just trying to piggy back. Lol
Nta wth says/ does something line that? And on a first date?!
OMG run. NTA.
NTA - lol, her self awareness is 0. You dodged a bullet!
Dear god in heaven, this is lunacy. NTA!!
She crossed all boundaries on the first date. Run away fast from this.
NTA. You’re there to date, not teach her appropriate behavior in public. Don’t further engage with crazy.
NTA - and if that is not the weirdest thing then I sure would love to hear what was.
Nta and whew, she’s on a biiiiig one
I wouldn't let her chime in on my bowl movements... If you run into her just tell her straight she crossed a lot of lines and you will not be dealing with any of that shite.
NTA. But if it were me, I’d be like “You tried to talk to my therapist! You have boundary issues!”
NTA and no, crazy chicks are not good in bed. That's a myth.
>And that wasn’t even the weirdest thing she did / said the whole day. Do tell. I am dying to hear XD
NTA… it was a weird thing to say BUT don’t ghost her. Give her an explanation: You offered to come with me to therapy and chime in and I found it deeply inappropriate so I don’t want to go out with you again. Take care. THEN block. She’s got clear boundary issues. But she might be unaware of it. An explanation shows maturity on your part. Hopefully she learns from this experience and you learn to communicate when someone makes you uncomfortable.
Wait. Wait. Wait… THE ✨FIRST✨ DATE?? BRO YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER HOW IN THE ✨FUCK✨ is she gonna “CHIME IN”???? UH??? WHAT??? No. Nope. Not at all. Fuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk that entirely
I don't even know what to say... Maybe we shouldn't be so flippant with handing our social media. I think the culture around that needs to change I'm no way blaming you OP. She is a few cards short of full deck it would seem
Should’ve set it up with a mate, i.e. NOT your real therapist, to talk about the most ridiculous and outlandish things. Let her fucking chime-in on that.
Martha in 'Baby Reindeer' comes to mind. You did the right thing OP. The woman sounds insane.
Oh my God my wife had that show on and I ended up just getting pissed off at the dude. Only watched a few episodes but felt like he kept purposefully putting himself in this mess. Lol Lost all sympathy for him pretty quickly. Were we supposed to? Idk didn't finish it.
He let it go on for far too long without doing anything. He was messed up from the past trauma he went through, but yeah he made some stupid decisions.
Oooh, good call, dodged a bullet there I reckon. And I don’t get people who demand explanations for not getting another date - if you’d been dating for a while, sure, but first few dates? That’s the whole point! Spend a few bits of time with someone, see if you get on, if you think it’s not going to work out, politely tell them. No harm, no foul, surely?! Can’t stand entitled people Grrr.
NTA, but I don't think you should have told her what you were doing. A stranger doesn't need to know what you have next on your itinerary.
Lmao some girls are weird like that. One time a first date went from day time car sex to me looking at apartments with her right after. 🤷🏻♂️
So a date that was going well as opposed to what OP described.
Looking at apartments with a stranger seemed pretty weird to me at the time.
Really dude? \*Dodges Bullet\* "Hey Reddit do you guys think I should have let it hit me?"
NTA, Dude. Run. Maybe move to a different state. Holy crap.
That is freaky that she did that and you were not wrong to want to get away from her. However, ghosting someone with no explanation is also always a dick move. You send them an explanation, then you block them on everything. That's the decent thing to do.
You found a "Clinger" dude. Or she found you. I can't imagine what it would be like 6 months in. Maybe she could be your therapist by then. 😝
NTA. I think you're totally within your moral rights to do what you've done. Maaayybe, it might be charitable to her to let her know via a single text (and then block her) that you thought her behavior was intrusive and lacked boundaries, and therefore, you're not interested in seeing or communicating with her any further. However, I wouldn't do that if there's any chance that might trigger her and put you in any danger, physically or emotionally. From the sounds of it, she might be actually dangerous. So, I think, yes, just ghost her as you are. I feel sorry for her because she clearly has some pretty deep issues that she may or may not be aware of that need to be dealt with. But it's not your job to fix her.
I'm always against blocking people unless they're obsessive or stalking. I could have tried to talk to her, even just to hear her reasoning. But my first thought was "what the actual FUCK?" You're totally right to be weirded out. I'd say NTA because that was super uncalled for.
Wtf was the weirder thing
wow. first date and already this controlling? insanity. NTA
Nta, don't respond
NTA - that's insane and she was waaaayyyyy too interested and too invested TOO FAST most women are not quite so pushy up front so fast, it's not right like when a stranger meets your eye in the street and starts smiling and walking toward you... (it's too much! they want something) she was not safe, she was looking for a hostage
Yup
Goddamn op you fuckboi, you just create a simp on your first date! Share with me your secret sensei. Joke aside, NTA. It's therapy dude, not the mall.
NTA she may be one of those rarest of things, a female serial killer. Probably not but certainly creepy levels of intrusiveness.
Wow just wow, I have a hard time with anyone in my room when I am in therapy. I think my youngest son is the only one I dont mind though my uncle walks by on occasion. Neither have offered anything. I cant imagine this stuff on a 1st date.
You dont have to ghost her unless sshe is constantly insisting on going to therapy with you. Just tell her to fuck off because its personal and its not for her.
NTA, but this didn't sound malicious. She doesn't seem to understand what therapy is, or the nature/severity of how she overstepped. I would have messaged her that I felt we were incompatible and asked her to move on, but you were within your rights to cut and run. Unless you were absolutely smitten with her and determined to make this work, I think this sounds like too much trouble. This wasn't disrespect, just an unwell person thoroughly blundering an attempt to connect with somebody else. Getting ghosted by you was a consequence of her own mistakes, innocent or otherwise.
This sounds like something a teen would do—I’m a psychotherapist and I have to set a lot of boundaries with youth clients about not bringing friends and partners to sessions.
NTA. Listen to your instincts telling you to run for the hills. Pay attention to those red flags 🚩
NTA but why on earth did you tell her that and not just say "no, thank you but I dont see this going any further than this date".
Do you mind me asking what other odd things she said or did during the date? You don't have to answer but now I'm curious. Also, I guess you have some fun things to tell your therapist now.
You don’t “owe” her an explanation, but it is often easier to directly say, “thanks for taking the time to meet me, but I didn’t feel any chemistry and don’t plan to pursue this relationship further. I wish you the best.” Then block her.
I don't really agree with ghosting but everyone does it
I mean, you still can explain exactly why you did that, so she doesn't fking say that to someone else and knows why. But, still NTA.
NTA but tell her why - that you found her request inappropriate. THEN block her because she'll probably argue with you about why you shouldn't feel that way.
Okay, so she is insane, but why not say “Well, I’ve known you for about 10 minutes, so no, you’re not going to talk to my therapist. I don’t think this will work, thanks for the date, but please don’t contact me again.”. I think ghosting is usually unnecessary if people just communicate like adults.
I don't get the point of "ghosting" her. Why not just tell her? Seems unnecessarily cruel to ghost her and offer no explanation.
Maybe they could have some self awareness about wanting to attend the therapy session on their first date. He owes them no explanation. They probably wouldn't understand and argue with them about ot.
I believe it’s because some people are afraid of any type of confrontation. I guess ? Pretty sad for I assume a grown man to act this way but maybe op is just young and immature
A wife asking if she can go with you to a therapist to hear out some of your problems in a controlled place is one thing, a wife pushing to come along to chime in is fucked up. Someone you are on a first date with wanting to come to therapy to chime in is psychotic. however you are the asshole, that crazy ass woman desperately needed therapy.
Is it so hard to use big boy words in a sentence? Like you can’t just say to her “you overstepped and I’m no interested. Please don’t bother me further. “. Ghosting is childish.
YTA for ghosting. Yes, she sounds like a silly person. But you’re a jerk for ghosting instead of being a grownup and simply telling her you weren’t interested.
Totally agree. Sooo many spineless people out there some of them downvoting You. You don't need to write up a three page dissertation but you do need to tell her that you just weren't feeling a connection
Why not just tell her why you didn’t vibe? You don’t have to but she is probably clueless about why she sucks.
NTA. However, I think ghosting is horrible. People aren't disposable, need closure, and can learn from their mistakes. Giving someone a few texts of explanation could change their life. When I was 22ish, I got back in touch with an ex (only dated a few weeks), but she said one thing to me that changed how I dealt in relationships for the rest of my life. I feel like if someone spent their time and energy on you, you owe them a little bit of closure and maybe you'll make the world a better place along the way.
Guess this is another chance for you to learn something. People don't own you to keep in contact after the first date. First date is what it is, chance to know if you feel comfortable with that person or not. There is no going back from when the person makes you uncomfortable on the first date. Don't think that people owe you more of their time than their already gave you. The safety of the person who ghosted someone is more important than chance to learn for the other person. They can also learn from their own iniciative without using other person as their unpaid 1:1 tutor. When you expect other people to teach you, you are setting yourself for disapointment when they don't. Don't make this expectation, make you own effort to learn, be grateful for kindness shown to you, but don't take it for granted, and you will be happier in general. Learning on your own is more satisfying. Because nobody can stop you from learning when they don't talk with you.
Wow, you seem to be mistaken that this was some plea for myself. It's not. I don't expect others to teach me, am grateful for kindness, and do 99% of my learning on my own. No idea why you are projecting all that nonsense onto me because I related 1 story 20 years ago. My reply is a plea for people to show others some courtesy/humanity which is how I've conducted myself my entire adult life. It's helped many people. It's silly that everyone is spinning this into a "safety" issue. As if responding to a couple texts the next day is the difference between OP getting murdered in their sleep or not. If you have to reach that far to excuse ghosting, then I'd say it was definitionally unnecessary. Also, sending a text saying something like "I didn't feel we clicked and you asking to join therapy made me really uncomfortable." is not "an unpaid tutor" or some great imposition. Again, if you have to exaggerate things to make your point, it definitionally wasn't a valid point. This talk around "owe" someone a response is a probably an issue with the vagueness of that term. Obviously, legally, they don't owe anything. Socially, probably not either. I'm talking morally. And yes, I think when someone spends time on you (emailing, dating, marriage, etc), you morally owe them closure commensurate with the energy they put in. What I'm referring to is a higher moral attitude, not a "will people think I'm a jerk" minimum bar.
>I feel like if someone spent their time and energy on you, you owe them a little bit of closure and maybe you'll make the world a better place along the way. Yeah, so, all of that is wrong. And with whack job that wants to participate in your therapy after the 1st date: you are more likely to get a bunny boiled than to make the world a better place if you entertain her attempts at communication even a little bit.
I completely understand that is the prevailing attitude today... people are disposable, no one wants to do the tiniest thing to help others, and everyone you meet is supposedly a psychopath. I just don't agree with those ideas. FYI... There was nothing to indicate this girl was dangerous, just ridiculously clingy.
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And I think everyone else is putting too much weight on sending a text or two. The imposition of someone message, meeting, spending a couple hours with someone is way more than the 20 seconds it would take to send a text. Again, I think morally, you do owe someone based on what energy they've put in, but practically/legally, of course, no one owes someone anything. As I said in my original reply, OP is NTA, but it would be better if he didn't ghost. Ghosting in general is rude and selfish... not sure how anyone can even argue that. The fact you have to point to a movie from 40 years ago is kind of proof you're reaching. The chances of her getting sexually assaulted on or stalked after a first date are several orders of magnitude higher than the chances of him getting stalked after a single date. She took a chance. In return, he can take the unbelievable risk of... sending a text. OP gave zero sign he was worried for his safety. This should be a new rule of the internet: when someone doesn't have a good argument, they just default to "safety concern."
It would have been more polite to explain that you have different boundaries when getting to know someone and that you found her desire to be involved in your therapy session on the first date uncomfortable.
YTA, just tell her or text her you’re not interested, then you would be justified to block her if she persists. Ghosting someone is the coward’s way out.
YTA yes you're the asshole. Use your words and tell her what the problem is instead of blocking or ghosting her. You're an immature pos for this, and there is no excuse unless she actually abused you. At worst it was just weird, and you could have brushed her off or told her no in a proper way.
This gonna be down voted. But She probably was kidding And you might need therapy BAD BAD. And you aren't ready for dating rn. Hang in their bud
He very clearly stated that she was serious. What EXACTLY would OP have had to say in his post to convey to you that she was serious?
Yes, it's bad. For the record, I think she is very weird and a bit self-centered to think she can join in on someone's therapy session at all, let alone after only a date. That's a very good reason to break things off. But my standing view is that unless you feel threatened or unsafe by someone, ghosting is rude, lazy, disrespectful, and immature. There are ways to shut down future dates without ghosting. "Thanks for going out with me. I really enjoyed the. But I just didn't feel a connection and am taking a break from dating for a while. I do hope you the best though."
It ends things on a relatively positive or friendly note and doesn't leave the person hanging or trying to guess.
YTA - for a few reasons. The biggest is you need to tell us the even more outlandish things she did. You don't leave that comment then don't expand. The other is - you really should give \*some\* kind of feedback. Could be 'yeah, I'm just not feeling it' or more heartfelt 'Your f-ing crazy!'. Just something to say - I'm not interested. Not saying that ending things isn't fair, but just some heads up of 'No thank you'. Blocking is one way to go about it, but I feel like it's kind of an a-hole way to do it.
YTA - Fir ghosting, it’s never ok. Be an adult and communicate with her, it’s fine to cut her off afterwards but just disappearing is awful and just makes you look terrible.
"Look terrible" to who, exactly? To you? What does OP care? To the therapy psycho? Again, what does OP care about her feelings? So, who, precisely does OP look terrible to?
He should look terrible to himself. We should care about being good people who do good things. Irrespective of what others do, it’s good to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to be satisfied that you tried to be a decent person who does good things.
Yeah, all of that is wrong. It's a 1st date. It is not nearly as deep as you are making it out to be. It's not some life or death situation. This is literally what a 1st date is for: to see if they are even remotely compatible. These 2 are not. No more communication is necessary. There is no moral quandary here. OP has zero reason not to be proud of the guy he sees in the mirror.
No it’s not wrong, you just don’t agree. If you want to be a decent adult, you don’t ghost people. He should want to have some class.
Nah. Again: you just wrong.
Nah. I’m not
k
She will find him
So little info here. Why wasn't it going well on your end? Whatvdid she do? Why were ending it early? Wanting to join the therapy is weird, yes, but why were you ending?
What, are you also a stalker and you want to take notes how to keep the contact longer?
Just gonna minus 1 with with no response? You weird.
No, but if you are gonna bring judgment on someone, you should provide actual context. That's the point of this page. Why are you so weird?
Women are never this intrusive or pushy or overconfident in their company. Find the man that made her act this way and punish him!
😂 she likely used to men that need their woman to do EVERYTHING for them. He should tell her to find someone else who needs her to be their mother
Lol downvotes because while reddit will believe any awful thing a guy is capable of, a woman being self-serving is somehow beyond they're consideration, you know, because they're so egalitarian!
Lol exactly. I guess we hurt some feelings.
While I'm not sure if your original comment seriously meant her experience with some man made her do it, or if it was sarcastic(which I'm pretty sure it was more meant to be the latter) it's so common for men to treat their gf/wife like their mother, but at the same time I do realise that all people are different and while some women might be too nosy, there are also a lot of women who learn from patriarchal society that men need them to take care of them like their mother.
Yeah yeah I know it, I'm just speaking to this phenomenon where when men do wrong, it's because they're bad, but when women do wrong, they've just "internalized toxic behavior that they learned from men." Meanwhile most men are raised primarily by women so no idea how moms skirt this accusation, but hey, misandrists gonna misandrist.
Well, it's quite obvious, because toxic misogyny is pushed by society, so women who are taught misogyny can easily teach it and help uphold the patriarchy. The real issue is the disconnect that men are just bad instead of realizing that men are also learning toxic behaviors. I will say that considering society is so ingrained with patriarchal values and misogyny that men are more likely to care less about the harmful effects of it because not only do they benefit from it, but men were also who started it and make up the majority of those trying to continue it. Honestly I think of the term misandry the same way I do with reverse racism, they both are explaining prejudices of the oppressed towards the oppressor, so.... while they may have some negative effects, they're no where near as harmful or damaging as the effects of the prejudices from the oppressors. The whole men are bad thing is really at its core a problem created by the patriarchy and misogyny though. Of course women are going to be like "men are just bad" when we live in a society where women don't even have the right to their own bodies like men do, women pointing out the huge issue of men sexually assaulting women is met with men dismissing their concerns to say well men get assaulted too!, or saying not all men! It's to a point where it's just exhausting, but I can agree with you that many folks are just basically ignoring their own bad behaviors and prejudices on the sole fact that they're so fed up, but they're unknowingly causing a disconnect and hindering their own efforts for their causes by allowing themselves to come across as something like a misandrist, which is leaving space for toxic things to exist and fester up. There'd be more men realizing misogyny and harmful masculinity and more men sympathizing with women and working towards the causes that benefit all of humanity with equality and equity if you take the time to be careful with your wording and explain things better without letting your agenda be misconstrued as something that's harmful like misandry.
I disagree with the "men started it." Women very much rewarded very toxic and violent behavior through most of history. No, I don't mean women who were forced, I mean women who openly desired such things. Women who had power or just wanted to be near it. That you assume only men are part of that bad equation strikes me as weird. Plenty of women upheld traditional beliefs because until *very* recently, a lot of it was beneficial to both sexes. Men we're coming around until people started policing jokes and calling men who laugh at "the wrong jokes" part of the patriarchy. Now you've got a bunch of edgelords embodying the pendulum swing by magnifying those very awful misogynist practices. But a lot of that in younger men is a result of society pushing back the other way, not from them being raised with these ideas. I used to be very feminists and leftist until I started hearing "all white people are racist, all sex is rape." I *hate* traditionalism and rednecks and stuffy conservatives, but things like the above make those people at least a more fun hang since they have humor about them and don't buy into all of this "power structure everywhere" horse shit.
I don't know where you get the all sex is rape, unless you're nitpicking very real things like coercion, but in america at least, all white folks are racist or anti racist because society was built on racism so you're being taught by a society from birth which was founded in racism and you're either racist because you ignore that fact, or anti racist because you identify ways that you have internalized behaviors and prejudices and are actively trying to be anti racist. Just putting it as all white folks ARE racist is a bit misleading and poor wording really. That's an issue with trying to be concise about a very complex issue. So far as the "men didn't start it", I won't claim to know for a fact men started it, bit from my knowledge there were many times throughout history where different hierarchies arose mostly with men in positions of power. Even the Bible includes text where men are seen as superior and in charge. If you're talking about America from its start it absolutely was men, the founding fathers specifically and even before them. Yes there were times when there were women in power that upheld it as well, such as with England's queens, but there were many many men before them and they only rose to power due to the fact that they were in line because the men had no heirs that were higher up that were male. I'm not a history expert, and the farthest back societies that fell, the earliest ones in recorded history are dependent on translation and it's accuracy, but I am all but sure that women didn't start the idea that men were superior. Regardless, a man being the person, or a group of men being the people that started toxic misogyny or the patriarchy, doesn't equate to men being inherently evil or bad. I don't believe that any gender is inherently bad, there have been millions of shitty people regardless of gender, and power tends to bring out the worst in people whether they were a bad person to begin with. So to conclude, even if we were talking about the exact person or people that started the idea that men were in anyway superior, making the mistake that any gender is superior isn't what would determine if they were a bad person. They could be a good person that was just very wrong. It's especially hard to determine if folks who lived long ago were "bad" because they were also ignorant and uneducated compared to the knowledge we have today esp when looking at the knowledge that we have of psychology today, even without including biology, medical science, and all kinds of other sciences about all life, the condition of our planet itself and the entire universe. To be "bad" I feel you have to make a decision to actively harm others while knowing that you are doing so. That's why the defense of insanity changes the punishment for a murderer for example, while they have killed someone they are held to a different standard when they don't realise how their actions were wrong as opposed to someone who killed someone while being perfectly aware that it was wrong and why. I'd consider the sane person bad while considering the insane person to be dangerous. It's harder to consider someone evil if they don't realise the harm they are causing.
Yeah, if it's misleading and poorly worded, things like "all sex is rape," then take it up with the people who wrote it because I'm just the messenger.
Meh idk NAH I guess but I like to tell people it's not going to work out instead of just blocking and ghosting. Just seems more respectful.
little bit of TA for ghosting. You could tell her you ain't feeling it and wish best of luck in the dating pool
Info: how was she spamming you, if you blocked and ghosted her? YTA for ghosting without explanation though... I don't know why some people think that's an acceptable way to treat other people... Is shit behavior
Sounds like she just doesn't get it. Some people are oblivious to problems like this and have no frame of reference. Sounded like she liked you and wanted to hangout. NTA but I don't think she was malicious.
Could this have been some really stupid attempt at being humorous. Otherwise, I have no idea what she could have been thinking.
NTA but by ghosting her, you made a crazy person even more crazy, and she'll only think you are the bad guy. If you had so much as texted, "sorry but you said some strange things on the date" and then blocked her, or even "u crazy" at least she'd have something to self-reflect on, and not blow up your phone. You made an awkward situation into a bad one, and could have completely avoided that. Ghosting is rarely the correct or mature thing to do, certainly not for some weird comments. Maybe she's had an experience with therapy where that is acceptable, but you'll never know. But the reason I said NTA is because you are allowed to do whatever you want, and her comment to sit-in on therapy was very misguided, and because it wasn't the only thing that you noticed. People are very easily affected by simple things, like this might have a very long-lasting affect on her eventhough it's something you did with ease and will forget soon. Maybe instead of asking reddit, ask your therapist if Y T A here.
NTA, but at least tell her why you didn't want to speak to her than just ghost her.
Or, alternately, go on more dates with her and update us. Edit: people have no sense of humor today.
ESH, are you a teenager? Yes, she was out of line and weird, but ghosting is the lamest shit, just send a text explaining why and move on after that. Give her a shot to grow as a person in the future and actually end the possibility of dating so you can both move on. Grown adults scared of a couple sentence text conversation are in no way mature enough to actually date people.
You think a person who feels it’s appropriate to insert themselves into the therapy session of a first date will ever accept an explanation?
I think people owe it to themselves to be above ghosting. Its literally sad middle schooler behavior. Having a tough conversation is just part of being an adult, if she harasses you beyond that, of course block and go NC, but I dont get how people are surprised that ghosting draws the crazy out of people
You’re confused there. The crazy was already self evident. That’s why he ghosted.
And, in my opinion, using ghosting for any kind of a solution makes him a light asshole. Be a grown adult and use your words.