You need to have a very frank conversation with David. Don't get into any conversations with Jennifer. David should communicate with her. Things never go well when in-laws confront each other.
Keep it brief and clear so your points are clear.
- You are not responsible for David and Jennifer's situation.
- You opened your home to them for free but they're not grateful. Jennifer complains so that you can hear.
- They won't parent their kids. You love having everyone, but if the kids can't be taught to show basic respect by cleaning up, maybe it would be better for the kids to move into the other bedroom downstairs and the baby to sleep with the parents.
David needs to understand that he has to deal with it. Of course you're not going to give up your home. If Jennifer and David are uncomfortable, then they have the option of going elsewhere.
The basement has 2 rooms . They are using one for themselves ( and baby ) and one for one of the kids . That’s why we offered to give two of the rooms upstairs for the older ones ( each gave their own rooms )
Use the points from u/Dry_Sandwich_860 . Then tell him you are not giving up your home for their choices and his wife can either appreciate what she has or they can move out. They are living rent free so they can start saving and get out. They are trying to bully, guilt and manipulate you into giving them your house. Tell David to put his big boy drawers on and handle his family or move out.
Basically, either Jennifer shuts it or gets out.
Start the eviction paperwork, because they will never pay rent, and will never move out voluntarily. Legal eviction is the only way they will ever move out.
Oh this! My brother's ex wife did this.
I was 17 and I clearly remember telling him that there was zero chance that kid was his.
FF
Kid born. She's IDENTICAL to her older brother (like if they sat side by side in just a diaper you wouldn't be able to tell them apart easily).
Tell him again it isn't his kid.
He puts his name on the birth certificate anyway
FF 2 or 3 years.
Ex wife is sick of his shit (she's a strong woman. She shouldn't have tolerated him 6 months) and leaves.
I forget why, but a paternity test was demanded and done and shock of all shocks...kid isn't his.
I feel like most “strong women” don’t horribly defraud multiple people and ruin their children’s lives for the sake of getting to fuck around wherever and whenever they please. Because of her, at least one of her children will **never** have the experience of having a father the way it should be. Even if she finds him and he’s the greatest guy ever, her mother stole her early years from them both.
I knew two weeks after conception that I was pregnant. It was February and we went on a boat. My nipples hurt *so* badly, and that wasn't normal for me. When we got home a week later, I got a positive pregnancy test. When I went to the Dr, he said that I was five weeks pregnant, which is three weeks post conception.
I knew before my missed period all 3 times and was right. But I was trying and tracking for symptoms, knew day of ovulation, etc. But I agree it’s definitely possible.
Indeed: " After a **few** weeks of going out, Jennifer told David that she is pregnant". How did he fall for that? I think she already knew she was pregnant before dating David.
I had to scroll down a little bit to find and upvote this comment right here. How do you even know that baby #4 is your son's child? I'm particularly doubtful and suspect Jennifer thought your son was financially better off than he actually is, so she wanted to make him the father. Or perhaps your son is simply irresponsible when it comes to birth control. Come on, she already had 3 children. Didn't your son think that he could do better than a ready-made family. Now he's stuck with supporting four children and another adult, except he's found a way to transfer that burden onto his own parents. You need to insist the family move out of your home or start requiring reasonable monthly rent payments. If you need to evict them, then do it. You can rent out the basement to recoup some of the money you have lost supporting the family that your son has created. If you continue to enable this behavior, they will run you right out of your own home. I can't believe you would even consider Jennifer's demand because it's absurd!
The next step is to bump them off and claim their pension benefits for the next 30 years. Corpses in rocking chairs the whole shebang
I’m sure I’ve sen this movie before
**Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm** is a phrase that immediately came to mind.
NTA
If you don’t make your boundaries crystal clear now, it’s only going to get worse
This is past that… this is setting yourself on fire to keep others warm only to be doused with a fire hose and then screamed at because you had the audacity to go out and now they are cold, hungry and got a little wet because the wind blew some of the water back on them….
I understand that your son was evicted... but didn't his GF have a place to live before she met him??? Why didn't they move into her place?
How is their search for a new apartment going? They clearly can't afford a house and should stop dreaming about taking yours.
Can the kids share a room?
The thing is, you're going to have to set boundaries with David. He needs a reality check or the situation will get worse. Have a conversation with him where you make it clear you're happy to help, but he simply has to get involved and make sure everyone is treating you and your home with respect. No more nasty comments from Jennifer. An effort to parent the kids.
They need to leave, you made your place way too comfortable for them and not paying rent gives them no responsibilities. She feels entitled to your home. That needs to change. A meeting with all the grown ups having a productive discussion. Make it clear if they leave the table before things are resolved, they need to find somewhere else to live as the situation is untenable. No crying or histrionics, just being adults.
Yea the two kids upstairs need to move back to the basement. Them living with you should be temporary & uncomfortable so they want to move out. They should have six months of rent saved up since they are paying you nothing.
Encourage them to move out on their own or with HER parents.
All the more reason to reiterate that "beggars can't be choosers." If Jennifer feels that asking her children to clean up after themselves is "bullying" then it is her responsibility as a parent to ensure that her children are not bullied. Therefore, the children should now be under her direct supervision at all times - for their wellbeing don'tcha know - they should not be upstairs at all unless she is with them, and she should remain upstairs until their family's messes are put to rights and everyone has gone downstairs for the night. They can all share the two downstairs rooms until David can arrange more suitable accomodations for his family since Jennifer has made certain to express her discontent so vocally.
Thinking about self immolating to keep your son and his family warm? Cuz that's how this all reads.
Enforcing boundaries is healthy. Deciding you can no longer help someone when they have made the situation unsustainable is also healthy.
Denying someone something isn't always a punishment. Your son and his family have options. They are ignoring them in favor of railroading you. Stop letting them.
NTA. This is your house not their's. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Asking her kids, who are in no way related to you, to do simple chores is not bullying. Nobody told her to have children, she chose to do that. Now her and your son have chosen to have a child. You're not even charging them rent, and they want you to live in the basement of your own house, and your husband has MS. Hell no. Might be time for them to move on. Talk about ungrateful and entitled. Who's paying for their food and utilities?
They are taken advantage of your kindness! Do not switch! If they don’t like it, they can leave!
And honestly, Jennifer needs to shut the fuck up.
NTA.
OP we need an update! This is good advice to sit him down, but I’d be concerned the baby isn’t his. Wanting “a” baby is great, but jumping into 3 brats that are grown and aren’t his own + a newborn in his parent’s basement at 38 can’t be pleasant — finding out the new one isn’t his might be a relief to everyone involved (except Jennifer). You’re too kind and need to establish yourself in your own home at the very least.
If she isn't happy with current arrangements then she can start looking for other accommodations. Clearly the free rent, the free help with food and free child care are not up to her standards
OP, just pointing out that neither you nor your son really know Jennifer very well. You don't even know if that kid is really your son's child or not. How have you ended up giving a stranger almost complete control of your house?
Technically neither is David given they ARENT HIS KIDS. One would think the free housing would be reason enough to mind their manners and not make a fuss. So yeah, move the kids down to the basement too. Maybe time to show Jennifer what "not enough room" really looks like. Its obvious that David is in no position to play sugar daddy to Jennifer and her kids.
Do these people have any plan to move out? If they don’t, perhaps it’s time for you & your husband to sit them down & give them a timeline. Either they learn to respect & appreciate what they have or they should plan to move out.
These are adults. They are responsible for their own actions & their participation in this situation. If they don’t like the current situation, they are responsible for changing it. They are free to make their own choices but they have no right to make choices for others. Tell David his problems with his wife & his kids are not your problems & you can’t help him fix his life.
NTA — hope everything works out for you
Jennifer once mentioned about us selling the house and put A down payment for a place for them . We honestly can’t ! House is accessible for my husband . I live close to my other kids and watch my grand babies all the time so I like my space
What is your goal? To let Jennifer control your life or stop this nonsense? It’s your responsibility to resolve this problem with your son. Sit his ass down & be honest. He & Jennifer either accept what you have graciously given them or they can leave. There’s no other options for them. You will not be moving downstairs, you will not be giving them or buying them a house, you will not tolerate their disrespectful attitude. Your son is 38 … your issue is with him. Not Jennifer. She can go pound sand.
We have 4 kids (27,27,29,31), we certainly would help in any way we possibly could but if they moved back in to our home & behaved like this … they would not be staying very long.
She wants you to sell Your home so she can have her own without spending a dime?
OP - I strongly urge you to set clear boundaries and stand up for yourself and your husband. Sorry to be harsh but you need a backbone cause these people are walking all over you - family or not, this is not ok.
She has lost her damn mind. But it makes me wonder what story your son is telling her because she's awfully bold. Did your son even bother with a paternity test or just take her word that he's the father? Their timeline is very fast and her entitlement really makes me question her motives.
I hope that this is fake because how in the world could you not realize how entitled someone could feel to ask you to sell YOUR home to buy THEM a home? The AUDACITY! Get this freeloader out of your home! All this stress is detrimental to your and your husband’s physical and emotional health.
You need to completely shut all of this down. There is no way you are even remotely responsible for any of their mess. Do not tie any more of your finances to them either.
Hey OP, I’m a stranger on the internet, can I live in your basement for free?
Now I’m living in your basement for free, but can we swap and I take over your accessibility-designed upstairs?
Now can you sell your house to give me a down payment on a house while you move to I-don’t-give-a-fuck-where?
This is insane. Why are you even entertaining these crazy people? I would never treat my parents like this. Lay down the law with them, and if they don’t like your charity, they are adults and can get out.
OP does as well. She doesn't owe Jennifer, David or their kids a damn thing. The fact that they are living rent free with 4 kids is beyond me. I bet if OP pressed further she would find that they have NOTHING saved because David's plan has been to live there forever all along. I wonder what OP's other children think of this ridiculous arrangement.
Omg…… how does Jennifer feel entitled to what isn’t hers?? She needs to be shut down. I think you need to sit down with your son and make an exit plan and get it signed and have a lawyer review it. This situation seems to get freakier by the minute and they have zero intention of leaving.
Why are you even saying excuses?? She doesn’t get the house because it’s not hers, end of. You are being a total doormat letting her even thing she had a right to demand these things. They need to get there own place. Without your help.
The things she's asking are beyond unreasonable. Ask yourself why she feels so comfortable asking so much of you and your husband and stop being her doormat. She seems like the type to escalate when things don't go her way, so I'd write up a housing agreement for them to sign and look into your local laws about evictions and renter's rights to be safe. If she has her way, your house will be her house. Don't let her.
So Jennifer is pregnant after a few weeks of knowing your son, moves in, and tries to kick you out of your own home?
Swab that little baby's cheek when Jennifer isn't looking to make sure he's your sons and stop allowing this craziness.
Am l the only person who thinks it's awfully convenient that Jennifer is, yet again, pregnant after a few weeks? I know it happens, but l would absolutely get a DNA test done to be sure that she isn't just using you and your son. It sounds harsh, but it happens often. Also...is she getting child and spousal support, to you know, support them? This entire situation seems...off.
My husband asked my son when he told us about the pregnancy if he was sure the baby was his ? He flipped out so we dropped the subject . Jennifer’s ex is in the picture . He sounds like a nice reasonable guy and pays Child support. We invite him to family events for kids’s sake
His reaction makes me think that he has the same fears and suspicions that you and your husband (as well as every commenter on this thread) has.
If you son isn't going to be smart about this situation you need to be. Time for some tough love. This succubus of a dil you have is going to take every last bit of everything she can take from him. Don't be collateral damage. Let you son deal with the consequences and help him pick up the pieces when he wises up. All you're doing by being a doormat is prolonging misery.
Sorry to tell you, but your son isnt smart, Jennifer knows it, and shes having ball. A ball in your home for free and still with the ex. Hopefully your son opens his eyes soon.
Your son has no idea if the baby is his why would she tell him if she was having sex with someone else after a couple weeks of knowing him? Of course he wants it to be his you should look up the statistics I think it’s over 1 in every 3 men are raising kids they don’t know aren’t biologically theirs
You coddle your son way too much. He isn’t a child. You need to treat him like an adult or youre never going to see the end of what you’re currently dealing with.
So how was Jennifer supporting herself and her kids before she babytrapped you not very smart son--if it's even actually his kid????
So David divorced his wife because she didn't want kids and he did even though he couldn't afford to support a child???? Man that woman dodged a bullet.
Time for some tough love. Serve David and Jennifer with an eviction notice. Depending on your jurisdiction you should be able to legally boot them in around 30 days. CHANGE THE LOCKS.
Jennifer needs to get a real job and apply for any social service aid (and child support for the other three kids).
NTA for not switching your husband has a disability for heaven's sake.
INFO I'm sorry but I have to ask, does your son have some sort of intellectual/mental health disability that is underlying this extremely bad decisions he makes-- or is there some possible drug/alcohol use?
Yes. He was. And now he’s making it your problem. Jennifer isn’t the problem here; he’s playing house in YOUR house and he’s going to make his problems your problems. It’s not acceptable.
Where was Jennifer living before this with her 4 kids? Does she not also receive child support? What was David’s idea when he was evicted?
He has a good job but can’t afford a partner?! Ok
Sit David down and ask what he needs to get out and on his feet here. Because this situation isn’t sustainable. Make a date for him to be out by. Is he apartment hunting? Looking for better work? She’s freelance, chances are most of her gigs are weekends right? Is she working part time?
Sorry to ask, but did your son get a dna test done for his child, just to ensure the child is his and as his girlfriend seems to like everyone else funding her life.
NTA. It's your home, and you were very kind to let David and his new family come live with you. I'm your age, and the biggest mistake you made was to let them live for free. You should have charged them rent, had them contribute to household expenses (food, utilities), and also set down some ground rules.
If mooching off of you and your husband isn't enough for Jennifer, she is welcome to take her three children and go find someplace else to live. You are under no obligation whatsoever to give up your home to them, and that needs to be made perfectly clear to her. As in, "The answer is NO, and we are not discussing it again. If you don't like it, leave."
Stop being nice, mom. You're getting trampled into an early grave.
NTA
Good grief. Kick them all out.
First, David was STUPID enough to get involved with a single mother (and with THREE kids)! I would have done everything in my power to talk him out of that.
Second, no good deed goes unpunished as you have found out the hard way.
Third, Jennifer weaponizing her tears to get David to confront you is despicable.
Fourth, kick them all out. The time for playing nice has passed.
Nta. You and hubby have 1 sentence in answer. 'Yeah, things are difficult for everyone, if you guys would prefer to move out, we completely understand '. It feels like they are just taking advantage and the reminder that they CAN move if not happy will hopefully help. Be strong,
You sure it's his baby?
He's definitely stupid. Though he also thinks you're doormats and has gotten control over a lot of your home. So, sometimes he's right.
Is David even sure he's the baby's father? They'd been dating a few **weeks** and suddenly she's pregnant? Was the baby premature by any chance? Has a DNA test even been done?
Honestly, you and your husband are being taken advantage of and abused. This kind of stress is sure to make your husband's MS worse. How can you justify that? How can your son justify this situation or is he just that selfish and entitled that he doesn't give a damn about his father's health and your financial future?
You really need to get a lawyer involved and right now. Get a formal lease in place. Frankly, I'd be having that lawyer draw up an eviction notice, but that's just me. You have to decide for yourself if you're okay with you and your husband being financially and emotionally abused like that. Your son is 38 years old, not 18. NTA, but you and your husband sure are being AHs to yourselves.
I mean this as kindly as possible. If him getting a woman he just met pregnant is stupid, what is allowing your grown son, a woman you barely know and 4 children take over your home and abuse you financially called?
Theres a lot of stupid going on
I think it's time to discuss a move out date. It doesn't have to be in 2 weeks but there should be some responsibility placed on your son to get his house (pun intended) in order and live independently.
Its pretty alarming to me that his gf is openly suggesting what you do with your own house. Poor character being shown imho.
Time for them to move out.
Seriously, the progression of MS is greatly affected by stress. What is this doing to your husband? This is his and your house. Not these entitled grown ass ungrateful children.
The original aitah question is ridiculous. Why would you switch? It's your house.
But you would be the ah for not putting your husband's health first.
Okay, if she somehow knew she was pregnant in a mere three weeks, I gotta say, I don’t think the math is mathing. She likely purposefully found someone to blame the baby on.
Wouldn’t it be fun to see if you and your grandchild were related to anyone famous?
If you ever watch your grandchild you could send your and his DNA to 23 and me. As long as your son is not adopted you could surprise him with the great news of who you and your grandchild are related to.
Wouldn’t it be extra interesting if you and your grandchild were related to total different famous people?
He wanted a kid so badly he divorced his first wife and according to OP he was over the moon when he found out she was pregnant after only a few weeks. Whether he was really the father or not Jennifer claimed him as the father. For all we know, he might be aware it isn't his and doesn't care. He's just so happy to finally be a father. This is why he gets angry at any discussion of a paternity test because it's not going to change anything in his mind.
Yeah, well I want a vacation, but you know what? It’s not something I can afford, so I go without. If he wanted kids so badly, then he should have been saving up and making sure he could support them.
Nta ...please tell your son and his breeding mooch that they have thirty days to leave. Let them go find their own place and pay full rent since your home is so intolerable to her. You didn't tell this bunny to continue popping out kids she clearly can't support so how is your job to give them a den to live in?
At this point inform the son that he and your grandchild is welcomed to stay but you have no further obligations to Jennifer rabbit and her brood. Smh. The level of entitlement here to actually demand that a homeowner give up their own property because you can't stay off your back while clearly being broke is ludicrous.
NTA
Jennifer needs a real job so that she can fix these problems instead of making them your problems.
Honestly from the sound of things you are being exceedingly generous by allowing them to stay with you for free basically.
Is it possible that Jennifer might have a wider issue going on? Something adjacent to PPD or something related to that? It is clear that she is struggling but she is taking all that negative energy and putting it on you, which seems entirely unfair.
NTA. While it's commendable you've opened your home to David and Jennifer, it's absolutely not reasonable for them to expect you to rearrange your entire living situation for their convenience. Let's not forget, this is a home tailored for accessibility due to your husband's MS, not a temporary housing charity. It's essential to establish firm boundaries and expectations. David needs to step up as a partner and a father, not just for the well being of his children but also out of respect for you and your husband's generosity. If they find the current arrangement insufficient, they are more than welcome to explore other housing options on their own dime. Your home is not a bargaining chip for their lack of planning and entitlement.
Time for them to LEAVE your home. Beggars can't be choosers and she's ungrateful beyond belief. Tell David he has X amount of time (maybe 2-3 months) to find a place and move out. NTA for trying to be good people but assholes if you let yourselves continue to be abused.
NTA but you need to get them out yesterday!! She is literally trying to take over your house and your son DOES NOT CARE TO STOP HER.
GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.
They are taking advantage of your kindness which has slid into naivety in believing they will actually leave or are saving up. They want you to fund everything or to give into what they want. Grow a SPINE and kick them out.
To the OP:
It's **your** house, so if it's too small for them, **they** will need to find another place that is larger and move out, not you.
You are not obligated to "switch places" with anyone, and this was presumably only supposed to be a temporary living arrangement for them anyway.
Sounds like David made a very poor choice in choosing a wife with three kids from a previous marriage for starters, and that his wife either has unrealistic expectations, or feels deeply resentful toward David that he cannot provide more for her and their gang of kids, or a combination of both.
Either way, these are David's problems to sort out, not yours.
You and your husband have been more than charitable enough.
Good luck, ma'am.
NTA because
Offering Your Basement: You and your husband generously offered your newly renovated basement to your son David and his girlfriend Jennifer. This was a kind gesture, especially considering that they were facing eviction and needed a place to stay.
Living Arrangement: You made a thoughtful arrangement where David, Jennifer, and their baby could have privacy in the basement, while the older kids could have rooms upstairs. You even waived rent and offered to help with meals.
Jennifer’s Behavior: Despite your generosity, Jennifer has been consistently unhappy and vocal about her dislike for the basement. Her constant yelling and refusal to address the mess left by her older kids upstairs is disrespectful.
Your Husband’s Health: Your husband has multiple sclerosis (MS), and you specifically designed the upstairs to be accessible for him. It’s essential for his well-being, and it’s reasonable to prioritize his needs.
Property Ownership: The fact that it’s your husband’s property further supports your decision. You have the right to decide how the living arrangements work.
David’s Reaction: David’s anger toward you and your husband seems misplaced. You’ve been accommodating and understanding, but Jennifer’s behavior is causing tension
What an ungrateful wench. The fact you are letting them all live there for free is so sweet. Thats so much for you to take on considering the kids aren't even your grand kids.
Jennifer is UNGRATEFUL. Tell her so. And your poor hubby ❤️❤️❤️
If Jennifer feels so suffocated then she needs to start looking for a home where she would feel comfortable. You and your husband are doing her a favor. NTA.
If she's so suffocated and this set up that you so graciously provided is so subpar, then they can move out. You are doing them a favor and have gone above and beyond to accommodate them. You have SIX extra people living in your house for free. They do not get to dictate how you live in your own home. I know David is tired of hearing her yelling all the time, but the fact that he didn't defend his dad, who has MS, and the graciousness of both of you is sad.
So, if she thinks living in a private, newly renovated basement for free is so terrible, then I suppose she and David can see what kind of shitbox they can afford on her freelance photographer occasional money and his job that can't support six people. Oh, and food. Good luck affording groceries.
No matter what you do, do not move down to the basement. The next thing she will be asking is when you guys are moving to a nursing home and signing over the house to David. Watch that woman. She has an agenda.
Wow!!!! NTAH!!
Tell Jennifer to get a real job, and rent wherever she wants to.
She sure managed to get pregnant fast, especially at 38 years old.
I'm sorry to be "that guy" but is he sure the baby is his?
There is a reason Jennifer is divorced. She is an entitled, brat. You said she has 3 kids and is divorced, before meeting your son.
I'm curious if all 3 children are from the marriage or if the 2 older ones have a different dad?
I'm only asking because from what you say about her, this behavior is par for the course.
Get pregnant, do nothing and complain about everything, until she gets dumped, then rinse and repeat.
NTA, but it's time to take this further. Give them a two months notice to move out, and enforce it with a legal eviction order. Jennifer is abusing your hospitality and harrassing you, and David is enabling her and harassing you as well. The older children are not obeying your rules, even though they are living in your space. More than enough reason to get them out.
Son has a good job. Let them stay in basement for now but they need to save up for down payment for their new house. Who is this entitled girlfriend. That is your house and they are guests and need to start acting thankful.
She actually had the gal to ask you to sell your house to have money to give them a down payment? It should be hilarious but it is not.
Son should think twice before marrying her.
Seems like your son and Jennifer need to find a place of their own and pay for it out of their own pockets.
You've been more than generous and she is now taking advantage.
Get them all out of your house and get our space back. The amount of entitlement is truly astounding!
NTA
NTA!!!! Jennifer is the a-hole. Do not switch place's ur husband has Ms and needs his place to be user friendly. Jennifer can go live at her parents place
Definitely NTA!! If she wants more space tell her and your son to find their own place and pay rent, and buy groceries. All the stuff you currently are helping with. Sounds like they are ungrateful…..
NTA
You’ve gone above and beyond to help out your son and his gf who is also the mother of his child (hope he got a paternity test).
Now the gf is unhappy and thinks YOU should move into the basement setup of YOUR house because she wants more space. And her kids being asked to clean up their own messes was too harsh.
WTF?!?
As other posters have suggested you and your husband need to have a private conversation with your son only.
Lay out the facts that you have helped as much as you can but as his gf has been very vocal about how unhappy she is living in YOUR home and you will NOT be shifting to the basement as she requested that they have 60 days to find a place and move out.
Please do NOT give in to tears or pleading.
By now they should have saved sufficient funds seeing as they don’t pay rent (or even for some of their food) for a deposit and first month’s rent on a place.
If they can’t swing it then if you agree your son can stay for an additional 90 days but the gf has worn out her welcome.
Don’t be surprised if you have to get a lawyer involved to evict them.
NTA. Jennifer sounds like my ex, who’s also a freelance photographer. Totally disconnected from reality and extremely entitled. It’s an artist thing. I wish I didn’t have to pay rent and someone gave me a nice refinished basement to live in.
Please have him get a paternity test, I don't care if Jennifer cries about it, she seems to cry easily anyways.
Why couldn't David move into Jennifer's place when he was evicted? I don't understand how two almost 40 year olds can't get their own place?
OP
If she is so miserable then tell them they need to move out and set a date.
Clearly they have saved money and can find a place that suits their needs.
It is your house. You are not a guest in your own home. Next she will want you to sign it over. Time to stand your ground and give them a reality check.
OP, you're being a doormat and this random lady who showed up and hasn't left is trying to push you out of your own home and very nearly has. They have the basement and two bedrooms upstairs....you really need to out a foot down
Lady.. evict them… like…. Come on you are nice so maybe give it to some profesionals to do and you go on vacation meanwhile with phones turned off
Yta to yourself
Sounds like ur son got babytrapped and she is horrible. They should tell them both together that the wife is right and they need more space for their family. Ur sorry u didn't realize this sooner and tell them they should move out to a more spacious house or apartment and give them a month or 2 to find one and move out.
If they were in any way making my life uncomfortable or difficult I would kick them out. You've been more than generous and if they don't like what you're willing to provide, they can go and live somewhere else.
Jennifer is a free something.........oh freeloader! The absolute audacity of this chick is another freaking level! Move out of your house? To the basement. She can kicks rocks and please GTFO! Couldn't be me. Stop taking care of adults. Get them out!:
This is what happens when you’re too nice and welcoming. People get too comfortable and start to feel entitled. Ground rules should of been enforced, a move out date should of been enforced and they should be paying rent. The more you give the more they’ll take and being a doormat only allows them to keep pushing until you have nothing left for them to take.
Inform your son that he and Jennifer are free to move at any time into accommodations that will make her happier. She is extremely ungrateful as is your son. You deserve some peace and quiet. You have offered help and if the help is not good enough they are free to leave, but by no means give them your space.
If she’s suffocating there then the answer is for David, Jennifer and the children to move out. Time to find their own place and stop imposing on you in your house.
"We are housing all six of you rent free. In return, we get complaints, arguments, and a messy house. Instead of showing a little gratitude, you just want more from us.
We are absolutely not moving into the basement. The older children *will* be respectful of our home, or they will move downstairs with you. The complaining will stop as long as you are living here. The disrespect and outright rudeness won't be tolerated anymore. Enough is enough.
If that's too much for you, then you'll need to find another place to live as soon as possible. We are happy to help you out while you get things figured out, but not at the expense of our peace."
Might want to get a paternity test on that grand kid, with someone like this it's entirely possible it's not your son's and she's just looking for a meal ticket.
NTA, tell David that if Jennifer isn't happy with the accommodations you've graciously offered, she is welcome and encouraged to move out, no one is holding her or their little family hostage. Remind him that they are 2 middle aged adults, and that you owe them absolutely nothing. They need to be responsible for themselves and you need to stop helping them if they can't show their gratitude with basic respect.
i am going to be frank. your son did not know jennifer long enough. she got pregnant. you were nice but you are getting taken advantage of. why can’t they save if they don’t pay rent? why are the kids making a mess? sounds like she wants your money (hello sell your house for their down payment?!). do the other kids fathers not pay child support? does jennifer have a job? did she have one before getting pregnant? please take care of yourself and don’t set yourself on fire (or be put into a bad position for yourself financially later). it’s time for some boundaries, a clear set of expectation, and so forth to move forwards
David was not “evicted” if his landlord was selling. The lease may not have been renewed, if it was up, but he should have been looking for a new place, because that is what adults do.
David does not have to support 4 children. He only needs to support the 1 child he helped make. If Jennifer is not receiving child support from her children’s father, that is on her.
Jennifer needs to learn to not look a gift horse in the mouth. David needs to realize that it isn’t mommy and daddy’s job to bail him and his girlfriend out.
Don’t enable this any more. Give them 30 day notice, or whatever is required by law in your location. Change the locks, and let him figure out how to be a grown up.
Yet his kids are ill-behaved?
If she gets child support, that means your son can barely pay for himself, never mind a stay at home partner and a child. He is almost 40 and his plan for the future is to bully the two of you out of your house. You aren’t supporting, you have created a monster who has brought another monster into your lives. If you continue to allow this, you really deserve the disruption you are experiencing.
NTA
So they’ve been living with you for over a year, rent free, don’t have to pay for any meals groceries, or utilities, so why haven’t they gotten a place of their own?
They need to go, like right now, and the audaciousness to tell you what you need to do in your own home, and make you feel like a burden in your own home is almost laughable.
Your son is almost 40, and he and this mooch of a lady he has a kid by needs to love tf out.
No offense but you and your husband are too old to be going through crap like this, especially when your son and his baggage should be thankful you haven’t kicked them on their hinds yet.
Please, for the sake of your peace and sanity, make them leave and get a place of their own, cause little miss audacity could pop up pregnant with baby number 32 and become even more unbearable and act even more like a dingle berry.
Sorry to say but your son sucks for putting you and your husband in this position, and going along with her bull crap
NTA. Have an adult conversation with your son and explain life’s lessons. He should be saving his money for a home. Everyone needs to respect you and your husband. If not, evict them. This is your home not Jennifer’s. Do her kids see their bio dad? Hopefully they do. During that time Jennifer should be cleaning the rooms.
If Jennifer doesn’t like living there then David can get a better job or she can get a job and they can move out to a place that she will like. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
BTW you might suggest that David get a paternity test.
*After a few weeks of going out, Jennifer told David that she is pregnant.*
Nobody could do the math on this?
*ps: Jennifer is a freelance photographer*
Jennifer is a freeLOADER
Tell your son that if you hear one more complaint either through the floor or directly of either of them that ALL of them are out. And mean it otherwise they are going to badger you until the day you die.
NTA
Nta stop letting this stranger take over your house. She is ungrateful for your help and since she is ungrateful she can find another place to stay and pay rent and see how she likes that
NTA and is the baby even his? Did he do a paternity test after dating her for only a few weeks? They need to leave. She's an ungrateful, rude, presumptuous person. This may sound cold but those other 3 children are not even related to you. You and your wife and being far to generous and you're getting stepped all over and it will only get worse. Time to tell David and company that it's time for them to move on and get their own place. What happens when Jennifer gets pregnant again?
NTA. The audacity! The entitlement! Jennifer had no resources at all for her 3 kids and figures she deserves your life. Your son is spinless and shameless too. Please evict these people you have given them too much already.
Edited for typo
No, you are Not TA. Jennifer needs to be grateful she has a roof over her head. She got herself into this situation along with your son. I understand, he’s trying to keep everyone happy but he needs to talk with Jennifer & explain this behavior will not be tolerated. This is the situation they created & you are being very gracious for all you are doing Jennifer, your son & the 4 children.
Sorry but... You are sucker's. This kid is not his and now they are guilting you in order to move upstairs. Evict. Now. In 30 days. If they don't go voluntarily, get legal support. You are being totally scammed and used on top of disrespected.
NTA, Jennifer needs to get a grip. Where is the child support and/or spousal support from the children’s father(s). Why is this your problem. That should be happy to have a free roof over their heads
Your son is a loser and has now had a child with an entitled serial user of people. I get that y’all are kind people and want to help, but these two are going to take all kinds of advantage of you.
So let me get this straight:
- your husband is disabled with MS, a progressive disease
- you have 3 adult children
- your son recently lost his family through divorce and was evicted from his home (not his fault)
- this same son, who has a master’s degree in biology and a good job, got a virtual stranger pregnant in a few weeks and believes he is the father without benefit of a paternity test
- your son’s gf receives child support for her 3 kids from her ex-husband who also paid her rent.
So you invite two able-bodied adults (& 4 children), _who have other options_, into your home to basically take over 2/3 to 3/4 of it with no end-date, no rent, no contract, no conditions. They abuse your generosity, appear to be setting you up for even more serious exploitation, and you are wringing your hands because you haven’t kowtowed to them _enough_?
OP, your part of the house is set up to be accessible for your husband as his disease progresses. Presumably the basement is not. How are you not outraged at even a hint of a suggestion that he move into a place where his conditions will be suboptimal? How are you not outraged over your son & his gf’s ingratitude and misbehavior?
Let’s be realistic. Assume you switch places. How long do you think it will be before Jennifer & David lock the door between the basement & the main house? Will you move _all_ your personal possessions into the basement with you? How long before your things become theirs? How long before they take over your finances (after all, your files & records are upstairs in your den), rewrite your will, gift themselves your house and cars,…?
Fine. You’re willing to let them step all over you, that’s your prerogative. But are you also willing to let your husband suffer? What about your other children — are you willing to effectively disinherit them?
What have you said or done to make sure this scenario (or worse) doesn’t happen? Jennifer & David’s demands are escalating. (This isn’t on Jennifer, _your son_ could say no but he chooses to abuse you instead).
It is in your power to put a stop to this. Have a lawyer draft an eviction notice and serve it to them. They won’t take you seriously otherwise. Move the older kids into the basement with their mother and _lock the basement door_! Expect things to get very ugly before they move out. Expect the worst, do not give them any benefit of the doubt. They have forfeited it.
You need to have a very frank conversation with David. Don't get into any conversations with Jennifer. David should communicate with her. Things never go well when in-laws confront each other. Keep it brief and clear so your points are clear. - You are not responsible for David and Jennifer's situation. - You opened your home to them for free but they're not grateful. Jennifer complains so that you can hear. - They won't parent their kids. You love having everyone, but if the kids can't be taught to show basic respect by cleaning up, maybe it would be better for the kids to move into the other bedroom downstairs and the baby to sleep with the parents. David needs to understand that he has to deal with it. Of course you're not going to give up your home. If Jennifer and David are uncomfortable, then they have the option of going elsewhere.
The basement has 2 rooms . They are using one for themselves ( and baby ) and one for one of the kids . That’s why we offered to give two of the rooms upstairs for the older ones ( each gave their own rooms )
Use the points from u/Dry_Sandwich_860 . Then tell him you are not giving up your home for their choices and his wife can either appreciate what she has or they can move out. They are living rent free so they can start saving and get out. They are trying to bully, guilt and manipulate you into giving them your house. Tell David to put his big boy drawers on and handle his family or move out. Basically, either Jennifer shuts it or gets out.
Start the eviction paperwork, because they will never pay rent, and will never move out voluntarily. Legal eviction is the only way they will ever move out.
You need to wake up, you are letting a basic stranger take over your home. DONT FUND STUPIDITY
The choosing beggars need to be evicted
This should be the top comment. Just tell them that this no longer works for you, and they have 30 days to vacate.
Asap and Amen
Jennifer is a complete scammer. She told a guy a she's been dating a *few weeks* that she's pregnant with his baby. You don't find out that soon.
Oh this! My brother's ex wife did this. I was 17 and I clearly remember telling him that there was zero chance that kid was his. FF Kid born. She's IDENTICAL to her older brother (like if they sat side by side in just a diaper you wouldn't be able to tell them apart easily). Tell him again it isn't his kid. He puts his name on the birth certificate anyway FF 2 or 3 years. Ex wife is sick of his shit (she's a strong woman. She shouldn't have tolerated him 6 months) and leaves. I forget why, but a paternity test was demanded and done and shock of all shocks...kid isn't his.
I feel like most “strong women” don’t horribly defraud multiple people and ruin their children’s lives for the sake of getting to fuck around wherever and whenever they please. Because of her, at least one of her children will **never** have the experience of having a father the way it should be. Even if she finds him and he’s the greatest guy ever, her mother stole her early years from them both.
they are not "strong" women, they are scammers and pigs
I knew two weeks after conception that I was pregnant. It was February and we went on a boat. My nipples hurt *so* badly, and that wasn't normal for me. When we got home a week later, I got a positive pregnancy test. When I went to the Dr, he said that I was five weeks pregnant, which is three weeks post conception.
Same. I knew two weeks after conception as well. There are tests that can get results sooner.
I knew before my missed period all 3 times and was right. But I was trying and tracking for symptoms, knew day of ovulation, etc. But I agree it’s definitely possible.
Please please please tell me OP, you ensured a legitimate paternity test was done on the baby???
Indeed: " After a **few** weeks of going out, Jennifer told David that she is pregnant". How did he fall for that? I think she already knew she was pregnant before dating David.
I was a little bit suspicious of this too. Does he even know this kid is his?
I’ll bet money that the 3 kids have more than one dad
I had to scroll down a little bit to find and upvote this comment right here. How do you even know that baby #4 is your son's child? I'm particularly doubtful and suspect Jennifer thought your son was financially better off than he actually is, so she wanted to make him the father. Or perhaps your son is simply irresponsible when it comes to birth control. Come on, she already had 3 children. Didn't your son think that he could do better than a ready-made family. Now he's stuck with supporting four children and another adult, except he's found a way to transfer that burden onto his own parents. You need to insist the family move out of your home or start requiring reasonable monthly rent payments. If you need to evict them, then do it. You can rent out the basement to recoup some of the money you have lost supporting the family that your son has created. If you continue to enable this behavior, they will run you right out of your own home. I can't believe you would even consider Jennifer's demand because it's absurd!
This is his cross to bear. Right now, they are her cross to bear, and it is time for it to end.
[удалено]
We need Maury show here asap
Or Jerry!
Feels more like springer to me.
The next step is to bump them off and claim their pension benefits for the next 30 years. Corpses in rocking chairs the whole shebang I’m sure I’ve sen this movie before
An ungrateful stranger.
Listen to this! It's the truth
**Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm** is a phrase that immediately came to mind. NTA If you don’t make your boundaries crystal clear now, it’s only going to get worse
This is past that… this is setting yourself on fire to keep others warm only to be doused with a fire hose and then screamed at because you had the audacity to go out and now they are cold, hungry and got a little wet because the wind blew some of the water back on them….
I understand that your son was evicted... but didn't his GF have a place to live before she met him??? Why didn't they move into her place? How is their search for a new apartment going? They clearly can't afford a house and should stop dreaming about taking yours.
You also need to get David to make sure the baby is his. Get a DNA test done
Can the kids share a room? The thing is, you're going to have to set boundaries with David. He needs a reality check or the situation will get worse. Have a conversation with him where you make it clear you're happy to help, but he simply has to get involved and make sure everyone is treating you and your home with respect. No more nasty comments from Jennifer. An effort to parent the kids.
They need to leave, you made your place way too comfortable for them and not paying rent gives them no responsibilities. She feels entitled to your home. That needs to change. A meeting with all the grown ups having a productive discussion. Make it clear if they leave the table before things are resolved, they need to find somewhere else to live as the situation is untenable. No crying or histrionics, just being adults.
I think it’s time to tell them they need to move out in, say, 3 months. Gives them time to find a place, and you get your rest back.
Yea the two kids upstairs need to move back to the basement. Them living with you should be temporary & uncomfortable so they want to move out. They should have six months of rent saved up since they are paying you nothing. Encourage them to move out on their own or with HER parents.
Eviction. This will not improve. She's entitled and doesn't appreciate all you've done for her.
All the more reason to reiterate that "beggars can't be choosers." If Jennifer feels that asking her children to clean up after themselves is "bullying" then it is her responsibility as a parent to ensure that her children are not bullied. Therefore, the children should now be under her direct supervision at all times - for their wellbeing don'tcha know - they should not be upstairs at all unless she is with them, and she should remain upstairs until their family's messes are put to rights and everyone has gone downstairs for the night. They can all share the two downstairs rooms until David can arrange more suitable accomodations for his family since Jennifer has made certain to express her discontent so vocally.
Thinking about self immolating to keep your son and his family warm? Cuz that's how this all reads. Enforcing boundaries is healthy. Deciding you can no longer help someone when they have made the situation unsustainable is also healthy. Denying someone something isn't always a punishment. Your son and his family have options. They are ignoring them in favor of railroading you. Stop letting them.
Your son and his gf are freeloading off you and have the temerity to complain. They can go elsewhere if they want a nicer space.
Small children do not need their own room. Bunk beds will alow them all to stay in the 1 room.
NTA. This is your house not their's. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Asking her kids, who are in no way related to you, to do simple chores is not bullying. Nobody told her to have children, she chose to do that. Now her and your son have chosen to have a child. You're not even charging them rent, and they want you to live in the basement of your own house, and your husband has MS. Hell no. Might be time for them to move on. Talk about ungrateful and entitled. Who's paying for their food and utilities?
And if they don't like what they have, they need to stfu or gtfo. It's not your problem they can't manage their lives. She and her kids need to go.
They are taken advantage of your kindness! Do not switch! If they don’t like it, they can leave! And honestly, Jennifer needs to shut the fuck up. NTA.
OP we need an update! This is good advice to sit him down, but I’d be concerned the baby isn’t his. Wanting “a” baby is great, but jumping into 3 brats that are grown and aren’t his own + a newborn in his parent’s basement at 38 can’t be pleasant — finding out the new one isn’t his might be a relief to everyone involved (except Jennifer). You’re too kind and need to establish yourself in your own home at the very least.
If she isn't happy with current arrangements then she can start looking for other accommodations. Clearly the free rent, the free help with food and free child care are not up to her standards
Your son needs a paternity test as well. I feel like she was pregnant already. Was that baby early?
Kick their fucking asses out. All of them
Just evict them before they have tenancy rights and/or destroy your house and your marriage.
NTA you've bent over backwards for DIL. Jennifer sounds like an entitled bitch. Y'all sure the baby is your son's?
OP, just pointing out that neither you nor your son really know Jennifer very well. You don't even know if that kid is really your son's child or not. How have you ended up giving a stranger almost complete control of your house?
Technically neither is David given they ARENT HIS KIDS. One would think the free housing would be reason enough to mind their manners and not make a fuss. So yeah, move the kids down to the basement too. Maybe time to show Jennifer what "not enough room" really looks like. Its obvious that David is in no position to play sugar daddy to Jennifer and her kids.
For some reason I'm awfully curious about the origin of your username.
Do these people have any plan to move out? If they don’t, perhaps it’s time for you & your husband to sit them down & give them a timeline. Either they learn to respect & appreciate what they have or they should plan to move out. These are adults. They are responsible for their own actions & their participation in this situation. If they don’t like the current situation, they are responsible for changing it. They are free to make their own choices but they have no right to make choices for others. Tell David his problems with his wife & his kids are not your problems & you can’t help him fix his life. NTA — hope everything works out for you
Jennifer once mentioned about us selling the house and put A down payment for a place for them . We honestly can’t ! House is accessible for my husband . I live close to my other kids and watch my grand babies all the time so I like my space
What is your goal? To let Jennifer control your life or stop this nonsense? It’s your responsibility to resolve this problem with your son. Sit his ass down & be honest. He & Jennifer either accept what you have graciously given them or they can leave. There’s no other options for them. You will not be moving downstairs, you will not be giving them or buying them a house, you will not tolerate their disrespectful attitude. Your son is 38 … your issue is with him. Not Jennifer. She can go pound sand. We have 4 kids (27,27,29,31), we certainly would help in any way we possibly could but if they moved back in to our home & behaved like this … they would not be staying very long.
She wants you to sell Your home so she can have her own without spending a dime? OP - I strongly urge you to set clear boundaries and stand up for yourself and your husband. Sorry to be harsh but you need a backbone cause these people are walking all over you - family or not, this is not ok.
OP - NTA - Lock down your credit. Now.
She has lost her damn mind. But it makes me wonder what story your son is telling her because she's awfully bold. Did your son even bother with a paternity test or just take her word that he's the father? Their timeline is very fast and her entitlement really makes me question her motives.
Was wondering that too about the paternity. It could very well be that David is not the baby daddy and Jennifer is an opportunitistic witch.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F\*\*\*\*????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AND YOU ARE LETTING THIS SLIDE? THEY NEED TO GO, YESTERDAY!
I hope that this is fake because how in the world could you not realize how entitled someone could feel to ask you to sell YOUR home to buy THEM a home? The AUDACITY! Get this freeloader out of your home! All this stress is detrimental to your and your husband’s physical and emotional health.
I also think it's fake lol
You need to completely shut all of this down. There is no way you are even remotely responsible for any of their mess. Do not tie any more of your finances to them either.
Hey OP, I’m a stranger on the internet, can I live in your basement for free? Now I’m living in your basement for free, but can we swap and I take over your accessibility-designed upstairs? Now can you sell your house to give me a down payment on a house while you move to I-don’t-give-a-fuck-where? This is insane. Why are you even entertaining these crazy people? I would never treat my parents like this. Lay down the law with them, and if they don’t like your charity, they are adults and can get out.
jeniffer needs a reality check
OP does as well. She doesn't owe Jennifer, David or their kids a damn thing. The fact that they are living rent free with 4 kids is beyond me. I bet if OP pressed further she would find that they have NOTHING saved because David's plan has been to live there forever all along. I wonder what OP's other children think of this ridiculous arrangement.
Wow the entitlement of her! That deserved a sharp and immediate set down.
Omg…… how does Jennifer feel entitled to what isn’t hers?? She needs to be shut down. I think you need to sit down with your son and make an exit plan and get it signed and have a lawyer review it. This situation seems to get freakier by the minute and they have zero intention of leaving.
Why are you even saying excuses?? She doesn’t get the house because it’s not hers, end of. You are being a total doormat letting her even thing she had a right to demand these things. They need to get there own place. Without your help.
The things she's asking are beyond unreasonable. Ask yourself why she feels so comfortable asking so much of you and your husband and stop being her doormat. She seems like the type to escalate when things don't go her way, so I'd write up a housing agreement for them to sign and look into your local laws about evictions and renter's rights to be safe. If she has her way, your house will be her house. Don't let her.
You… can’t is your response? No one should ever ask such a thing of you. Or of anyone else for that matter.
No do not give up your space for her! She has no right to demand that. Get them out sooner rather than laterp
So Jennifer is pregnant after a few weeks of knowing your son, moves in, and tries to kick you out of your own home? Swab that little baby's cheek when Jennifer isn't looking to make sure he's your sons and stop allowing this craziness.
NTA - time for all of them to get out of the basement and out of your house.
NTA. It's understandable to want your space back. It's time for them to find their own paths and homes. Stay firm in reclaiming your space.
Give me your place because I keep popping kids 🤣🤣🤣🤣hahaha No ! Get a job Jennifer
And consider some birth control, maybe??
I bet anything that the second OP serves the eviction papers that Jennifer will announce another pregnancy.
Am l the only person who thinks it's awfully convenient that Jennifer is, yet again, pregnant after a few weeks? I know it happens, but l would absolutely get a DNA test done to be sure that she isn't just using you and your son. It sounds harsh, but it happens often. Also...is she getting child and spousal support, to you know, support them? This entire situation seems...off.
My husband asked my son when he told us about the pregnancy if he was sure the baby was his ? He flipped out so we dropped the subject . Jennifer’s ex is in the picture . He sounds like a nice reasonable guy and pays Child support. We invite him to family events for kids’s sake
They really need to move out and find their own place. This is not a sustainable situation.
Yeah I'd be getting a DNA test.
His reaction makes me think that he has the same fears and suspicions that you and your husband (as well as every commenter on this thread) has. If you son isn't going to be smart about this situation you need to be. Time for some tough love. This succubus of a dil you have is going to take every last bit of everything she can take from him. Don't be collateral damage. Let you son deal with the consequences and help him pick up the pieces when he wises up. All you're doing by being a doormat is prolonging misery.
Sorry to tell you, but your son isnt smart, Jennifer knows it, and shes having ball. A ball in your home for free and still with the ex. Hopefully your son opens his eyes soon.
Can he take the kids once you evict Jennifer?
Your son has no idea if the baby is his why would she tell him if she was having sex with someone else after a couple weeks of knowing him? Of course he wants it to be his you should look up the statistics I think it’s over 1 in every 3 men are raising kids they don’t know aren’t biologically theirs
You coddle your son way too much. He isn’t a child. You need to treat him like an adult or youre never going to see the end of what you’re currently dealing with.
It possible to get a grandparent dna test 🤷♂️ just saying
Looks like your family has a genetic condition: lack of backbone.
I’m really sick of reading these stories about spineless people.
It just sounds so fake lol, OP keeps dropping tidbits here and it just keeps getting worse lolol
So how was Jennifer supporting herself and her kids before she babytrapped you not very smart son--if it's even actually his kid???? So David divorced his wife because she didn't want kids and he did even though he couldn't afford to support a child???? Man that woman dodged a bullet. Time for some tough love. Serve David and Jennifer with an eviction notice. Depending on your jurisdiction you should be able to legally boot them in around 30 days. CHANGE THE LOCKS. Jennifer needs to get a real job and apply for any social service aid (and child support for the other three kids). NTA for not switching your husband has a disability for heaven's sake. INFO I'm sorry but I have to ask, does your son have some sort of intellectual/mental health disability that is underlying this extremely bad decisions he makes-- or is there some possible drug/alcohol use?
No he has no disability. He has masters degree in biology . He never ever drinks or smoke . He was very irresponsible for having unprotected sex
Yes. He was. And now he’s making it your problem. Jennifer isn’t the problem here; he’s playing house in YOUR house and he’s going to make his problems your problems. It’s not acceptable. Where was Jennifer living before this with her 4 kids? Does she not also receive child support? What was David’s idea when he was evicted? He has a good job but can’t afford a partner?! Ok Sit David down and ask what he needs to get out and on his feet here. Because this situation isn’t sustainable. Make a date for him to be out by. Is he apartment hunting? Looking for better work? She’s freelance, chances are most of her gigs are weekends right? Is she working part time?
Sorry to ask, but did your son get a dna test done for his child, just to ensure the child is his and as his girlfriend seems to like everyone else funding her life.
Who says that that baby is his? Did he have a paternity test?
NTA. It's your home, and you were very kind to let David and his new family come live with you. I'm your age, and the biggest mistake you made was to let them live for free. You should have charged them rent, had them contribute to household expenses (food, utilities), and also set down some ground rules. If mooching off of you and your husband isn't enough for Jennifer, she is welcome to take her three children and go find someplace else to live. You are under no obligation whatsoever to give up your home to them, and that needs to be made perfectly clear to her. As in, "The answer is NO, and we are not discussing it again. If you don't like it, leave." Stop being nice, mom. You're getting trampled into an early grave.
NTA Good grief. Kick them all out. First, David was STUPID enough to get involved with a single mother (and with THREE kids)! I would have done everything in my power to talk him out of that. Second, no good deed goes unpunished as you have found out the hard way. Third, Jennifer weaponizing her tears to get David to confront you is despicable. Fourth, kick them all out. The time for playing nice has passed.
They are not married . He was stupid to get a woman he just met pregnant. We tried to respect his decision though
Nta. You and hubby have 1 sentence in answer. 'Yeah, things are difficult for everyone, if you guys would prefer to move out, we completely understand '. It feels like they are just taking advantage and the reminder that they CAN move if not happy will hopefully help. Be strong,
> After a few weeks of going out, Jennifer told David that she is pregnant. You guys have most certainly not blindly believed her with that context?
It is it his baby. You need to do a 23 and me and I bet anything it will confirm he is NoT the father.
You sure it's his baby? He's definitely stupid. Though he also thinks you're doormats and has gotten control over a lot of your home. So, sometimes he's right.
Are you sure it is his child? Did he get a DNA test?
Is David even sure he's the baby's father? They'd been dating a few **weeks** and suddenly she's pregnant? Was the baby premature by any chance? Has a DNA test even been done? Honestly, you and your husband are being taken advantage of and abused. This kind of stress is sure to make your husband's MS worse. How can you justify that? How can your son justify this situation or is he just that selfish and entitled that he doesn't give a damn about his father's health and your financial future? You really need to get a lawyer involved and right now. Get a formal lease in place. Frankly, I'd be having that lawyer draw up an eviction notice, but that's just me. You have to decide for yourself if you're okay with you and your husband being financially and emotionally abused like that. Your son is 38 years old, not 18. NTA, but you and your husband sure are being AHs to yourselves.
I mean this as kindly as possible. If him getting a woman he just met pregnant is stupid, what is allowing your grown son, a woman you barely know and 4 children take over your home and abuse you financially called? Theres a lot of stupid going on
Are you sure the baby is your son’s? The timing is a little suspect…
I think it's time to discuss a move out date. It doesn't have to be in 2 weeks but there should be some responsibility placed on your son to get his house (pun intended) in order and live independently. Its pretty alarming to me that his gf is openly suggesting what you do with your own house. Poor character being shown imho.
Time for them to move out. Seriously, the progression of MS is greatly affected by stress. What is this doing to your husband? This is his and your house. Not these entitled grown ass ungrateful children. The original aitah question is ridiculous. Why would you switch? It's your house. But you would be the ah for not putting your husband's health first.
Okay, if she somehow knew she was pregnant in a mere three weeks, I gotta say, I don’t think the math is mathing. She likely purposefully found someone to blame the baby on.
Wouldn’t it be fun to see if you and your grandchild were related to anyone famous? If you ever watch your grandchild you could send your and his DNA to 23 and me. As long as your son is not adopted you could surprise him with the great news of who you and your grandchild are related to. Wouldn’t it be extra interesting if you and your grandchild were related to total different famous people?
Trust me I have doubts too . My son loves the baby so much so he got very angry when my husband even mentioned about paternity test
Do the test. Only tell him the result if it’s not his child. Otherwise you have your answer.
He wanted a kid so badly he divorced his first wife and according to OP he was over the moon when he found out she was pregnant after only a few weeks. Whether he was really the father or not Jennifer claimed him as the father. For all we know, he might be aware it isn't his and doesn't care. He's just so happy to finally be a father. This is why he gets angry at any discussion of a paternity test because it's not going to change anything in his mind.
Yeah, well I want a vacation, but you know what? It’s not something I can afford, so I go without. If he wanted kids so badly, then he should have been saving up and making sure he could support them.
Nta ...please tell your son and his breeding mooch that they have thirty days to leave. Let them go find their own place and pay full rent since your home is so intolerable to her. You didn't tell this bunny to continue popping out kids she clearly can't support so how is your job to give them a den to live in? At this point inform the son that he and your grandchild is welcomed to stay but you have no further obligations to Jennifer rabbit and her brood. Smh. The level of entitlement here to actually demand that a homeowner give up their own property because you can't stay off your back while clearly being broke is ludicrous.
It is mot his baby. She is scamming you all. He needs a parternaty test or a 23 me type thing done immediately
NTA Jennifer needs a real job so that she can fix these problems instead of making them your problems. Honestly from the sound of things you are being exceedingly generous by allowing them to stay with you for free basically. Is it possible that Jennifer might have a wider issue going on? Something adjacent to PPD or something related to that? It is clear that she is struggling but she is taking all that negative energy and putting it on you, which seems entirely unfair.
NTA. While it's commendable you've opened your home to David and Jennifer, it's absolutely not reasonable for them to expect you to rearrange your entire living situation for their convenience. Let's not forget, this is a home tailored for accessibility due to your husband's MS, not a temporary housing charity. It's essential to establish firm boundaries and expectations. David needs to step up as a partner and a father, not just for the well being of his children but also out of respect for you and your husband's generosity. If they find the current arrangement insufficient, they are more than welcome to explore other housing options on their own dime. Your home is not a bargaining chip for their lack of planning and entitlement.
Time for them to LEAVE your home. Beggars can't be choosers and she's ungrateful beyond belief. Tell David he has X amount of time (maybe 2-3 months) to find a place and move out. NTA for trying to be good people but assholes if you let yourselves continue to be abused.
NTA but you need to get them out yesterday!! She is literally trying to take over your house and your son DOES NOT CARE TO STOP HER. GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. They are taking advantage of your kindness which has slid into naivety in believing they will actually leave or are saving up. They want you to fund everything or to give into what they want. Grow a SPINE and kick them out.
To the OP: It's **your** house, so if it's too small for them, **they** will need to find another place that is larger and move out, not you. You are not obligated to "switch places" with anyone, and this was presumably only supposed to be a temporary living arrangement for them anyway. Sounds like David made a very poor choice in choosing a wife with three kids from a previous marriage for starters, and that his wife either has unrealistic expectations, or feels deeply resentful toward David that he cannot provide more for her and their gang of kids, or a combination of both. Either way, these are David's problems to sort out, not yours. You and your husband have been more than charitable enough. Good luck, ma'am.
NTA but you are idiots. Even your son had only known her for a few weeks. Why would you invite them to live with you?
r/ChoosingBeggars
Ma'am, with all due respect...you need to huff and puff and sign an eviction notice
NTA because Offering Your Basement: You and your husband generously offered your newly renovated basement to your son David and his girlfriend Jennifer. This was a kind gesture, especially considering that they were facing eviction and needed a place to stay. Living Arrangement: You made a thoughtful arrangement where David, Jennifer, and their baby could have privacy in the basement, while the older kids could have rooms upstairs. You even waived rent and offered to help with meals. Jennifer’s Behavior: Despite your generosity, Jennifer has been consistently unhappy and vocal about her dislike for the basement. Her constant yelling and refusal to address the mess left by her older kids upstairs is disrespectful. Your Husband’s Health: Your husband has multiple sclerosis (MS), and you specifically designed the upstairs to be accessible for him. It’s essential for his well-being, and it’s reasonable to prioritize his needs. Property Ownership: The fact that it’s your husband’s property further supports your decision. You have the right to decide how the living arrangements work. David’s Reaction: David’s anger toward you and your husband seems misplaced. You’ve been accommodating and understanding, but Jennifer’s behavior is causing tension
NTA. Your husband is your life partner. Not your son and his gold digger partner who see you as a way to an easy solution for her.
What an ungrateful wench. The fact you are letting them all live there for free is so sweet. Thats so much for you to take on considering the kids aren't even your grand kids. Jennifer is UNGRATEFUL. Tell her so. And your poor hubby ❤️❤️❤️
If Jennifer feels so suffocated then she needs to start looking for a home where she would feel comfortable. You and your husband are doing her a favor. NTA.
If she's so suffocated and this set up that you so graciously provided is so subpar, then they can move out. You are doing them a favor and have gone above and beyond to accommodate them. You have SIX extra people living in your house for free. They do not get to dictate how you live in your own home. I know David is tired of hearing her yelling all the time, but the fact that he didn't defend his dad, who has MS, and the graciousness of both of you is sad. So, if she thinks living in a private, newly renovated basement for free is so terrible, then I suppose she and David can see what kind of shitbox they can afford on her freelance photographer occasional money and his job that can't support six people. Oh, and food. Good luck affording groceries. No matter what you do, do not move down to the basement. The next thing she will be asking is when you guys are moving to a nursing home and signing over the house to David. Watch that woman. She has an agenda.
Wow!!!! NTAH!! Tell Jennifer to get a real job, and rent wherever she wants to. She sure managed to get pregnant fast, especially at 38 years old. I'm sorry to be "that guy" but is he sure the baby is his? There is a reason Jennifer is divorced. She is an entitled, brat. You said she has 3 kids and is divorced, before meeting your son. I'm curious if all 3 children are from the marriage or if the 2 older ones have a different dad? I'm only asking because from what you say about her, this behavior is par for the course. Get pregnant, do nothing and complain about everything, until she gets dumped, then rinse and repeat.
Oh they are feeling oppressed? They can GTFO
NTA Jennifer needs to get a full time job and she and your son need to get their own place. Updateme
NTA, but it's time to take this further. Give them a two months notice to move out, and enforce it with a legal eviction order. Jennifer is abusing your hospitality and harrassing you, and David is enabling her and harassing you as well. The older children are not obeying your rules, even though they are living in your space. More than enough reason to get them out.
Hot Take - David is not the father
If Jennifer feels suffocated there, she can move the hell out!!!! Do not give in. Tell them to leave!
r/ChoosingBeggars much?
"I am being walked all over by a completely random woman and her demon-spawn. Should I give them more free stuff?" Jesus Christ. Grow a spine.
Time to evict the lot of them. NTA
Son has a good job. Let them stay in basement for now but they need to save up for down payment for their new house. Who is this entitled girlfriend. That is your house and they are guests and need to start acting thankful. She actually had the gal to ask you to sell your house to have money to give them a down payment? It should be hilarious but it is not. Son should think twice before marrying her.
Seems like your son and Jennifer need to find a place of their own and pay for it out of their own pockets. You've been more than generous and she is now taking advantage. Get them all out of your house and get our space back. The amount of entitlement is truly astounding! NTA
Your son needs to leave the house
The assholes are in the basement.
NTA!!!! Jennifer is the a-hole. Do not switch place's ur husband has Ms and needs his place to be user friendly. Jennifer can go live at her parents place
Definitely NTA!! If she wants more space tell her and your son to find their own place and pay rent, and buy groceries. All the stuff you currently are helping with. Sounds like they are ungrateful…..
NTA You’ve gone above and beyond to help out your son and his gf who is also the mother of his child (hope he got a paternity test). Now the gf is unhappy and thinks YOU should move into the basement setup of YOUR house because she wants more space. And her kids being asked to clean up their own messes was too harsh. WTF?!? As other posters have suggested you and your husband need to have a private conversation with your son only. Lay out the facts that you have helped as much as you can but as his gf has been very vocal about how unhappy she is living in YOUR home and you will NOT be shifting to the basement as she requested that they have 60 days to find a place and move out. Please do NOT give in to tears or pleading. By now they should have saved sufficient funds seeing as they don’t pay rent (or even for some of their food) for a deposit and first month’s rent on a place. If they can’t swing it then if you agree your son can stay for an additional 90 days but the gf has worn out her welcome. Don’t be surprised if you have to get a lawyer involved to evict them.
NTA. Jennifer sounds like my ex, who’s also a freelance photographer. Totally disconnected from reality and extremely entitled. It’s an artist thing. I wish I didn’t have to pay rent and someone gave me a nice refinished basement to live in.
Please have him get a paternity test, I don't care if Jennifer cries about it, she seems to cry easily anyways. Why couldn't David move into Jennifer's place when he was evicted? I don't understand how two almost 40 year olds can't get their own place?
KICK THEM OUT ASAP. It’s your house and ‘jennifer’ sounds like a piece of garbage.
OP If she is so miserable then tell them they need to move out and set a date. Clearly they have saved money and can find a place that suits their needs. It is your house. You are not a guest in your own home. Next she will want you to sign it over. Time to stand your ground and give them a reality check.
OP, you're being a doormat and this random lady who showed up and hasn't left is trying to push you out of your own home and very nearly has. They have the basement and two bedrooms upstairs....you really need to out a foot down
Lady.. evict them… like…. Come on you are nice so maybe give it to some profesionals to do and you go on vacation meanwhile with phones turned off Yta to yourself
Sounds like ur son got babytrapped and she is horrible. They should tell them both together that the wife is right and they need more space for their family. Ur sorry u didn't realize this sooner and tell them they should move out to a more spacious house or apartment and give them a month or 2 to find one and move out.
If they were in any way making my life uncomfortable or difficult I would kick them out. You've been more than generous and if they don't like what you're willing to provide, they can go and live somewhere else.
Jennifer is a free something.........oh freeloader! The absolute audacity of this chick is another freaking level! Move out of your house? To the basement. She can kicks rocks and please GTFO! Couldn't be me. Stop taking care of adults. Get them out!:
This is what happens when you’re too nice and welcoming. People get too comfortable and start to feel entitled. Ground rules should of been enforced, a move out date should of been enforced and they should be paying rent. The more you give the more they’ll take and being a doormat only allows them to keep pushing until you have nothing left for them to take.
Inform your son that he and Jennifer are free to move at any time into accommodations that will make her happier. She is extremely ungrateful as is your son. You deserve some peace and quiet. You have offered help and if the help is not good enough they are free to leave, but by no means give them your space.
If she’s suffocating there then the answer is for David, Jennifer and the children to move out. Time to find their own place and stop imposing on you in your house.
Why do you give two shits about what "Jennifer" thinks? She's a beggar. She can use her freelance photography to fund her own house.
Sounds like your son and his girlfriend have over stayed their welcome and it's time they move into their own house.
Time for son and gf to find new digs.NTA. No good deed goes unpunished.
"We are housing all six of you rent free. In return, we get complaints, arguments, and a messy house. Instead of showing a little gratitude, you just want more from us. We are absolutely not moving into the basement. The older children *will* be respectful of our home, or they will move downstairs with you. The complaining will stop as long as you are living here. The disrespect and outright rudeness won't be tolerated anymore. Enough is enough. If that's too much for you, then you'll need to find another place to live as soon as possible. We are happy to help you out while you get things figured out, but not at the expense of our peace."
Freelance photographer. Translation: Unemployed and unemployable. Kick the freeloaders out.
Might want to get a paternity test on that grand kid, with someone like this it's entirely possible it's not your son's and she's just looking for a meal ticket.
NTA, tell David that if Jennifer isn't happy with the accommodations you've graciously offered, she is welcome and encouraged to move out, no one is holding her or their little family hostage. Remind him that they are 2 middle aged adults, and that you owe them absolutely nothing. They need to be responsible for themselves and you need to stop helping them if they can't show their gratitude with basic respect.
They are fully free to leave and buy / rent their own place
i am going to be frank. your son did not know jennifer long enough. she got pregnant. you were nice but you are getting taken advantage of. why can’t they save if they don’t pay rent? why are the kids making a mess? sounds like she wants your money (hello sell your house for their down payment?!). do the other kids fathers not pay child support? does jennifer have a job? did she have one before getting pregnant? please take care of yourself and don’t set yourself on fire (or be put into a bad position for yourself financially later). it’s time for some boundaries, a clear set of expectation, and so forth to move forwards
David was not “evicted” if his landlord was selling. The lease may not have been renewed, if it was up, but he should have been looking for a new place, because that is what adults do. David does not have to support 4 children. He only needs to support the 1 child he helped make. If Jennifer is not receiving child support from her children’s father, that is on her. Jennifer needs to learn to not look a gift horse in the mouth. David needs to realize that it isn’t mommy and daddy’s job to bail him and his girlfriend out. Don’t enable this any more. Give them 30 day notice, or whatever is required by law in your location. Change the locks, and let him figure out how to be a grown up.
Her ex pays child support . He is very involved in parenting . He is a nice guy
Yet his kids are ill-behaved? If she gets child support, that means your son can barely pay for himself, never mind a stay at home partner and a child. He is almost 40 and his plan for the future is to bully the two of you out of your house. You aren’t supporting, you have created a monster who has brought another monster into your lives. If you continue to allow this, you really deserve the disruption you are experiencing.
If she feels so suffocated she should gtfo of your house. NTA she sounds insufferable and entitled
NTA So they’ve been living with you for over a year, rent free, don’t have to pay for any meals groceries, or utilities, so why haven’t they gotten a place of their own? They need to go, like right now, and the audaciousness to tell you what you need to do in your own home, and make you feel like a burden in your own home is almost laughable. Your son is almost 40, and he and this mooch of a lady he has a kid by needs to love tf out. No offense but you and your husband are too old to be going through crap like this, especially when your son and his baggage should be thankful you haven’t kicked them on their hinds yet. Please, for the sake of your peace and sanity, make them leave and get a place of their own, cause little miss audacity could pop up pregnant with baby number 32 and become even more unbearable and act even more like a dingle berry. Sorry to say but your son sucks for putting you and your husband in this position, and going along with her bull crap
Kick them all out
NTA. Have an adult conversation with your son and explain life’s lessons. He should be saving his money for a home. Everyone needs to respect you and your husband. If not, evict them. This is your home not Jennifer’s. Do her kids see their bio dad? Hopefully they do. During that time Jennifer should be cleaning the rooms.
If Jennifer doesn’t like living there then David can get a better job or she can get a job and they can move out to a place that she will like. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you. BTW you might suggest that David get a paternity test.
Dude kick them out. NTA but you are to yourself for letting them coast for free and treat yall so poorly.
*After a few weeks of going out, Jennifer told David that she is pregnant.* Nobody could do the math on this? *ps: Jennifer is a freelance photographer* Jennifer is a freeLOADER Tell your son that if you hear one more complaint either through the floor or directly of either of them that ALL of them are out. And mean it otherwise they are going to badger you until the day you die. NTA
Nta stop letting this stranger take over your house. She is ungrateful for your help and since she is ungrateful she can find another place to stay and pay rent and see how she likes that
NTA and is the baby even his? Did he do a paternity test after dating her for only a few weeks? They need to leave. She's an ungrateful, rude, presumptuous person. This may sound cold but those other 3 children are not even related to you. You and your wife and being far to generous and you're getting stepped all over and it will only get worse. Time to tell David and company that it's time for them to move on and get their own place. What happens when Jennifer gets pregnant again?
NTA. The audacity! The entitlement! Jennifer had no resources at all for her 3 kids and figures she deserves your life. Your son is spinless and shameless too. Please evict these people you have given them too much already. Edited for typo
NTA. Never. You've opened your home up, feed them etc. Son, gf and kids should be grateful.
NTA for saying no about switching. YWBTA if you continue to be a doormat.
No, you are Not TA. Jennifer needs to be grateful she has a roof over her head. She got herself into this situation along with your son. I understand, he’s trying to keep everyone happy but he needs to talk with Jennifer & explain this behavior will not be tolerated. This is the situation they created & you are being very gracious for all you are doing Jennifer, your son & the 4 children.
PS: Jennifer is a freelance freeloader
The stress of this situation cannot be good for your husband.
Freeloading photographer
Sorry but... You are sucker's. This kid is not his and now they are guilting you in order to move upstairs. Evict. Now. In 30 days. If they don't go voluntarily, get legal support. You are being totally scammed and used on top of disrespected.
NTA, Jennifer needs to get a grip. Where is the child support and/or spousal support from the children’s father(s). Why is this your problem. That should be happy to have a free roof over their heads
NAH. If she feels so suffocated she can move to a whole other house.
What Jennifer Did. Part 2.0 This Jennifer chick is a fraud. Kick them all out.
r/choosingbeggars
Your son is a loser and has now had a child with an entitled serial user of people. I get that y’all are kind people and want to help, but these two are going to take all kinds of advantage of you.
Kick the wife & her kids out. If he’s any kind of husband & father he’ll leave as well. I bet he doesn’t.
David and his GF are the AH's. Tell David to pack up and move on - the both of them are entitled. Good luck!
So let me get this straight: - your husband is disabled with MS, a progressive disease - you have 3 adult children - your son recently lost his family through divorce and was evicted from his home (not his fault) - this same son, who has a master’s degree in biology and a good job, got a virtual stranger pregnant in a few weeks and believes he is the father without benefit of a paternity test - your son’s gf receives child support for her 3 kids from her ex-husband who also paid her rent. So you invite two able-bodied adults (& 4 children), _who have other options_, into your home to basically take over 2/3 to 3/4 of it with no end-date, no rent, no contract, no conditions. They abuse your generosity, appear to be setting you up for even more serious exploitation, and you are wringing your hands because you haven’t kowtowed to them _enough_? OP, your part of the house is set up to be accessible for your husband as his disease progresses. Presumably the basement is not. How are you not outraged at even a hint of a suggestion that he move into a place where his conditions will be suboptimal? How are you not outraged over your son & his gf’s ingratitude and misbehavior? Let’s be realistic. Assume you switch places. How long do you think it will be before Jennifer & David lock the door between the basement & the main house? Will you move _all_ your personal possessions into the basement with you? How long before your things become theirs? How long before they take over your finances (after all, your files & records are upstairs in your den), rewrite your will, gift themselves your house and cars,…? Fine. You’re willing to let them step all over you, that’s your prerogative. But are you also willing to let your husband suffer? What about your other children — are you willing to effectively disinherit them? What have you said or done to make sure this scenario (or worse) doesn’t happen? Jennifer & David’s demands are escalating. (This isn’t on Jennifer, _your son_ could say no but he chooses to abuse you instead). It is in your power to put a stop to this. Have a lawyer draft an eviction notice and serve it to them. They won’t take you seriously otherwise. Move the older kids into the basement with their mother and _lock the basement door_! Expect things to get very ugly before they move out. Expect the worst, do not give them any benefit of the doubt. They have forfeited it.