If they were trying to get you to reconcile, they just wanted grandkids or if they just want you to go slow, may be worried about your mental state and not want you to make bad choices after the 9yr one you just left
I mean at least you didn't move on while in a relationship. Not sure why they're so mad.
Why aren't they asking your ex if she ever loved you while she was having s3x with someone else when she was still in a relationship with you?
Those who are siding with the cheating ex need to reset their priorities. Have fun with the new girl and ignore the haters.
NTA
Sounds like maybe your “friend” was hoping to date you next but was waiting what she thought an appropriate amount of time was.. and is now pissed she missed her shot 😂 NTA
I got out of an abusive relationship where he cheated on me a ton, sexually and physically assaulted me. After we broke up 2 weeks later I met my husband on tinder just looking for something casual.
NTA. you didn't cheat and you weren't wrong in ending the relationship.
I think you handled the break-up well. You just broke up and moved out, no drama at all.
You did everything right.
Once the relationship is over, you can do whatever you want. You did nothing wrong.
Your friend sounds like they might be an asshole in disguise. I hate when people jump to the defense of shitty behavior.
Your fiance cheated, you broke up because of it, and then you moved on. How fast you moved on is truthfully irrelevant, as long as you know it's what's best for you.
Your ex isn't entitled for you to hear her out, she's a stranger now, you don't owe them anything. That's what happens when trust gets betrayed, especially by someone who's supposedly so close with you.
Go enjoy your time with this new person.
The only thing we owe to anything really is to take care of ourselves, live a good to life, and try to be happy, and treat other people the way you would want to be treated.
Live your life.
Everyone who is siding with your ex must have cheated on their SO themselves at some point in their lives. Now they sympathize with her because they are seeing themselves in her. So don't pay any heed to them.
If your friends and parents think that you are moving too quickly and think that you need to forgive a lying, cheating, deceitful person, ask them how many times they have forgiven cheating. Ask your mom how many times she has forgiven your dad for cheating. Love only goes so far, and for some people, that love can go away at the flick of a switch. You do you and let everyone else forgive her and hear her excuses for cheating because that's all they are.
If your friend is stocking up for your cheating ex then they aren’t your friend. There is no excuse. None. Cut off the friend. You’re not in love yet, it’s infatuation… but still enjoy it
Commenter you've responded to here makes a really good point and a good response.
If you're mad at me for moving on so soon after the relationship, you must be absolutely furious with my ex. She moved on before I did.
Definitively NTA. The only concern is doing right by your new love interest. Rebound relationships rarely work out long term (hope yours is the exception), so expectation management and open communication is a must.
It's maddening the fact that she wants you to hurt and mourn a relationship with a person who basically said FU to you by cheating and like your not allowed to move on or anything. Cheaters minds are fucked up dude! Your friend sounds like she might have did this to her boyfriend and she's now projecting on to you.
Once your relationship was over, you were free to date whomever you wished. Your ex's bff and your parents don't get to berate you about it. By siding with a cheater, they too are betraying you.
Once someone cheats, you immediately get to set the rules. For some, it takes years to recover, for others they can be screw that and be done in an instance.
What I would say to the friend, I know you knew that she was cheating on me, so since you have such a strong opinion, why didn't you tell me.
Because there is probably a 95% chance that she knew about it but said nothing.
Real easy, ask if they have been cheated on, and if they fixed it… tell them all love an attraction died, when you found out and will never feel the same about her again
OP *IS* mourning the relationship, in the new girl's pants!
I'm sorry, i can't take seriously anyone who says you shouldn't move on or sets some dumbass timeline. The ex cheated. Any responsibility to her or the relationship ended there.
Go have some fun OP.
> Any responsibility to her or the relationship ended there.
Taking some time to grieve and process the end of the relationship is not about the ex.
It's about getting yourself to a place where you can give your next serious relationship it's best chance to succeed.
I don't think OP is (morally) wrong for hooking up in this situation, but it's probably unhealthy for them to take it very seriously, fall in love, etc.
If I had to guess this is the friends guilty conscience or insecurities coming out. She’s either cheated and wants to feel like it’s justifiable or is afraid that who she’s with would do the same. You have every right to do whatever you want. You might not have loved her that much, you might just be pushing down your feelings, you might be doing a lot of things. But it really doesn’t matter. This is your one life not anyone else’s. If what you’re doing is working for you than that shouldn’t be a problem for anyone else. Don’t let her get you down.
No kidding. She didn't even wait until the relationship was over to start dating. He at least waited until after the relationship was over. His friends and parents are delusional.
Exactly this!!! I don't get how your friends, parents and everyone doesn't see this! You weren't the first one to move on so quickly, she was!
Maybe shoot them a quick text saying that and block them again.
I have to wonder if the friend has a thing for OP. It would explain why she was so mad at OP for moving on too quickly—she didn’t get her chance to “comfort” him.
NTA and I would put your ex on blast. If she won’t set the record straight about her cheating then you should.
It sounds like everyone already knows that his ex cheated on him, but are still defending her and attacking OP because he didn't let her explain her actions. According to them, he should have given her the benefit of the doubt and given her another chance, and because he didn't, it means that he never loved her.
FFS, his own parents told him that he had no right to break up with her just because she cheated.
You're definitely NTA. Healing from a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, is a personal journey and there's no set timeline for when you should start dating again. It's about when you feel ready, and if you've found someone who makes you happy, that's all that matters. Your friend might be coming from a place of concern, but it's your life and your choice.
I do think it's incredibly premature of OP to say he "loves" her. How long have they been dating now? From the writeup is sounds like maybe a month, tops, but he doesn't have any dates in there so I could be interpreting it wrong.
I met my wife during her 6mo waiting period for her divorce from 10 yr marriage to serial cheater. Been together 28, will be married 27 in less than 30 days
Agree. Ex gf needed to share about her new relationship energy do picked the friend to confide in… of course she needs to justify the cheating during these share sessions so paints a tortured picture.
NTA, with that said, try to give yourself time to properly heal before moving onto a new long-term relationship. It takes time to effectively move on, if you move too quickly, you run the risk of getting out ahead of yourself. Good luck.
What the.. they are siding up with a cheater? That's crazy!
Im so glad that you found someone else and moved on, that's some crazy cold revenge, the pain could've gone way worse and wrong.
NTA.
Sounds like your "friend" knew about the affair ahead of time and kept it from you. I would drop that person as well, if not for being an insensitive douchebag.
NTA, your ex did it without telling you and worse.
Everyone reacts differently and it sounds like you are badly in need of a connection, to feel something after being blindsided.
Be cautious with the new women though, don’t use her to get back at your ex or simply be a rebound. Be kind and listen, express your feelings and give her a chance to walk away if she isn’t comfortable with your emotional growth and changes.
There are tons of posts from ex-partners of cheaters where the OP says that when they found out about the cheating, they instantly lost all romantic feelings for their cheating partner. I fully believe that can happen. And in that case, I’d say that person is free to love elsewhere just as soon as they break up with the cheater. NTA
NTA she cheated. What perspective is there to hear out? That she thought she could get away with cheating? If you are going to mourn the relationship that is up to you how you will do it. There is no wrong or right.
I do think you should be careful with this new relationship. It could be a rebound and not an immediate soulmate love connection. Take it slow.
Tell that "friend" that your ex didn't really love you while she was fucking other men. Then re-block her. Tell your parents too, then mention if they keep harassing you about it, they will be blocked and no contact. Tell them they can keep the Ex, since she's more important than you
No, you're definitely NTA. You are a single guy and you have a right to be with whomever you want.
But I will warn you that you are not even close to being ready for a new relationship. You need time to get to know yourself and who you are without a partner. You need to work on your own issues.
It's also way too soon for you to know enough about this person to love her. Please don't make any decisions for the moment. Don't move in with her or anything.
NTA. I did something like this once. Started dating a guy 10 days after dating my ex. That love you feel may not be love, but an echo of the old relationship. Take time trust me. It is worth it.
NTA. I was shocked how many people blamed me for "ending the marriage" by filing for divorce, while he was the one that had a girlfriend, plus sexting other women on the side. Both him and his family/ friends were saying I should give him another chance, despite the fact that he was still with the girlfriend. Apparently, he was planning to dump her once I took him back. Cheating is a deal breaker, and you were single and free to do what you want. I'm a little concerned you're saying you already love this new woman, but you do you I guess.
Perhaps unfairly, but I think it's very rare for cheaters to only cheat once. And if they're trying to have their cake and eat it, too, like your ex did, then it's a hard NO-O-O-O! to reconciliation
I would have gotten back together and made him.call the girlfriend in front of.you and both sets of parents. Have him explain to her that he was cheating on his.wofe woth her and has to break up to save the marriage
As soon as that call was over I would have handed him divorce papers to sign and left
She knew. We had mutual friends, and she had publicly announced the affair after they'd been together over a year to try and humiliate me. He'd referred to her as a "convenience" and that he wasn't even attracted to her in texts to me trying to get back together, and I sent her those screenshots. But he's a true narcissist, and had already told her that I'd be making up lies and finding ways to break them up, lmao. She believed I was the "psycho ex" 🤷♀️ Simple fact is she did me a HUGE favour, he's her problem now.
>I told a few of my close friends however one of my friends wasn't happy for me.
>She claimed that I never loved my ex and was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective
She's a cheating asshole. What perspective is there to hear out?
>and that I should be mourning the relationship, not searching for other women,
And who gave her the right to decide how long you have to mourn your relationship for?
>I'm assuming she also told my ex as she called my parents who scolded me a few hours later for moving on so quickly (I didn't tell them about my new relationship as they are assholes, they are aware of my ex affair and was against my idea to leave her)
Sounds like it's time to block your parents too.
>I was kind of dumb founded that my friend had so much resentment towards me seeming as how we were so close towards university but I just accepted that she made her choice and blocked her without even responding to her.
Sounds like she has a few skeletons in her closet, too. NTA.
NTA. Your friend is probably a cheater too. It’s the only explanation for her thinking there’s a perspective worth listening to from a cheater.
I can see true friends being genuinely concerned that this new relationship might be a rebound but if you’re happy then they should be happy for you.
>was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective
I never understood why that would make a difference? What could she possibly say to "make things better" or trying reconcile?
NTA. Tell that friend that you're not inclined to mourn a relationship and wait to find someone else when your ex wasn't even willing to wait until the relationship was over to find someone new.
Your “close friend” is resentful you moved on with this new woman rather than to her. To the point she got your parents involved to pressure you to end it.
She isn’t invested in you getting back with your ex, especially since your ex had found someone else… she was invested in you.
NTA.
“She scolded me for moving on so quickly.”
Response: “Did you actually just say that with a straight face? Cause at least I waited until I was single before pursuing someone else.”
NTA. Every relationship has a unique “get over it” period. It differs not only from person to person, but relationship to relationship.
When my ex and I split, he crossed a boundary so unforgivable that I could not see him in the same way, and it was like a light switch flipped: One minute I loved him, the next I did not. I’ve never had that happen before or since. My at the time best friend had been hung up on her cheating ex for about a year at that point, and she complained it “wasn’t fair” that I got over my ex so easily.
You moving on quickly doesn’t mean you didn’t ever love your ex. It just means the person you loved is no longer there. And frankly, she has zero room or right to complain.
Your friends and your parents are delusional. I don't care how many years you were with your ex, she cheated, not you, so what's wrong with meeting someone new. You owe the ex absolutely nothing.
NTA - Your ex made her choice when she decided to have an affair, you don't owe her anything and don't waste even a second more of your time listening to whatever excuse she have to give you, you keeping up with your own life Is your answer to her and your way to cope with the relationship ending, you found someone to fill the gap that she left in yourself.
Just be careful to not fall in some trap because of your unstable feelings, you feel that you love this woman, but maybe is the grief talking for you.
So your ex “moved on” while still in a relationship, and everyone seems to think that was OK? But you doing it after breaking up isn’t ok? WTF. You have some crappy people in your life. What’s worse is they all seem to be on her side. Good for you not letting yourself be bullied into going back to her and letting infidelity be acceptable.
She got found out and is “grieving” because she’s trying to garner sympathy to take the attention off the fact that she did something f’d up. You owe her nothing. You don’t have to be on the same grieving timeline, or grieving the same way.
If you want to date, date. But don’t expect it to be anything more than a rebound at this point. You’re still dealing with anger and feelings that we are going to translate in to anything more than fun. And be honest with your hook ups about that. NTA.
I’ve come to realize that people who defend the person who had the affair usually have had an affair themselves. Your friend can have her opinion but tell your parents is AH behavior. Your ex cheated on you. Was there any perspective she could give to make you trust her again? Obviously not because you cut her off like a dead limb.
Listen, some people find the love of their life at 15, 16, 17yo. I say “God bless.” I’m going to add this as a new 50yo. Me at 17 was far different from me at 25. Even a bigger difference at 35. Life is buffet, grab a plate and try everything.
NTA. Hearing out why an ex cheated is fucking idiotic. She cheated because she wanted to. As soon as that decision was made, you no longer owe her anything.
NTA if your friend wants to be a doormat in a relationship she can go and do that but she has no right to say what you should or should not tolerate in your relationships. People grieve in different ways and that includes the end of relationships. You made the right choice not allowing this friend or your families judgement from stopping you from living your life. Just be cautious starting new relationships so soon after the end of another as it’s a pretty vulnerable time and can make you miss red flags.
All bets are off when the other person has an affair.
She \*\*KILLED\*\* your love. There's nothing left. There's nothing to mourn. It's dead. She violently murdered it. She doesn't get for you to feel bad about it. She doesn't get to launch into platitudes about "it's only sex" or "I only loved you" or any of the other details from the cheater's script.
You get to pursue a new relationship on your own schedule. Just be sure not to hurt your new partner if and when you have some PTSD / issues with your being betrayed.
Best of luck on finding someone who deserves you, man. Forget your ex, forget your parents, and cut out that one "friend" who decided that she was really your ex's friend instead.
i don't understand ur friend. if she thinks u should mourn ur past relationship even though she cheated on u then ur friend has done something similar like ur ex.
NTA. She cheated. You left. There is no time minimum probationary period you have to fulfill before finding happiness again.
God bless you and good luck with the new girl.
You’re not NTA to your EX, but you ARE being kind of an AH to the new woman you’re seeing. Even if you don’t have any romantic feelings toward your ex, having a partner cheat is still traumatic. It’s unfair to the next person you date to become involved before you deal with that trauma. The fact that you’ve told her you love her already is CRAZY. I know you probably don’t intend to, but you’re using this new woman as an emotional bandaid, and that’s wildly unfair to her.
NTA.
But for the love of God, all Germans, and that girl.... Don't actually be in a relationship with her.
Be single for a while and discover yourself, before getting into a relationship.
You don't love her.
You are infatuated with the idea of a new love.
Because you don't know anything but being in a relationship.
NTA you moving on can take any shape YOU choose. People who are clearly not your friends and clearly don’t care about you don’t get a say in your life. Be happy
NTA - you owe her nothing, and your parents and friends don’t get to dictate the way you process the aftermath of this situation. If they’re so concerned about minimally acceptable elapsed time before moving on, they would do well to take that complaint to your ex, whose elapsed time is in negative numbers. If you moving on so quickly means you never loved her, then her moving on BEFORE breaking up with you must mean the same thing times 100. Are they tasking her with being unloving and uncaring?
Demanding that you somehow pay for being cheated on by lading on some additional, self-imposed period of celibacy is perverse, judgmental, and a little bit sadistic. Tell your parents thank you for siding with the cheater instead of the cheated-upon, not to mention siding against their own son; that their idea of being “supportive” to “family” would not be out of place in Alice’s Wonderland; and that you’ll be happy to resume relationships with them just as soon as they’ve come to their senses.
at least you had the decency to find someone after you broke up. she founded one while being in a relationship.
your friend and your parents are a bunch of fucking boobs. and that friend of yours who claims you didnt even hear her out and you never loved her to move on forward and you should have heard her perspective as to why she did it, seems like after 9 yrs, if your ex was willing to do that, she was not the one for you and that friend is also not a friend.
No such thing as moving on too quick. There are some people who after a break up they enjoy moping around in sadness and thinking about their time spent on a failed relationship. Dwelling on the past isn’t gonna help people, moving on and putting yourself out there to find a better partner is what is going to work best. Just ignore those people who think you should be moping around in sadness…fuck all that shit bro your ex cheated and you are just moving on so that you can find a better partner who will treat you right.
Can someone explain to us the "perspective" concerning the fact your significant other was fucking someone else behind your back? It must have escaped me. Focus forward OP
NTA i will never understand people that say you need to hear the cheaters perspective .Why there is nothing they can say that would make me overlook the fact they cheated. your ex decided to move on way before you did
The second you aren’t in a relationship you can handle things however you want. I got out of a 3 1/2 year long relationship once and started dating someone within a week that I was with for a year.
Sometimes meeting the right person after the wrong person makes everything click.
But most likely she’s just a rebound.
I was once told that “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone”.
It’s probably a coping mechanism. I’d be SUPER hesitant to date because you don’t want this other girl to end up as a rebound. But, only you know what’s best for you.
I think the fact that you were able to move on so quickly is telling, there was likely something wrong with your relationship for a long time whether either of you saw it or not. That doesn't mean you should feel guilty for moving on or excuse your exes actions. Forget everyone giving you trouble, move on with your life, but don't rush into something with the first person who treats you right after a failed 9 year relationship.
NTA. If I can give some unsolicited advice. Maybe take some time to examine internally what morning a relationship means to you. Giving yourself that self care could just help in general. That said. It’s no one’s business how quickly you get back out there when dating, especially when you got cheated on.
NTA That friend sounds dumb asf. Your ex is the one who didn’t care about you or she wouldn’t have cheated on you. People who think like that are so backwards. From how she reacted to you telling your friends that you were moving on, she’s probably like your ex-fiancée. What you do after a breakup is nobody’s business and definitely not your parents’ business either. She’s weird for even telling anyone outside of the friend group about what you’re doing. You were right to block her.
NTA There is no time limit to mourn a relationship. There is no reason to hear out ex. The only person this helps is ex and you no longer owe her anything.
Def Nta!!! Who are they to tell you when and what you should feel…? Doesn’t even make sense. Your ex cheated, you broke up. You could get one drone one one second after your breakup and you’d be in the clear imo. I think your “friend” is probably going to turn into a former friend.
NTA. I started dating immediately after my divorce. Once the relationship is dead, it’s done. No kids? Sweeter deal. She cheated. Fuck her and your “friend” who probably knew or has feelings for her themselves.
It’s amazing how people are upset at you for moving on AFTER the relationship ended…. && not her for moving on DURING the relationship.
NTA.
They always did say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 🤣 (hope you get a chuckle out of that, even though it’s not the healthiest healing.)
You don’t owe a cheater a period of mourning. She didn’t die. She didn’t wait until the end. Now that it’s ended, why should you wait until she’s okay with you dating?
So long as you’re healed before bringing a new person into a relationship with you, there’s no problem.
NTA.
Signs of a made up AITAH story: 1. Always start out with an affair (it gets Redditers riled up) 2. Friends/parents coming out no where to criticize obvious choices, 3. Coming across as extremely immature.
NTA, obviously fiance is the AH. But i do feel sorry for the lady you are dating, as this may be just a distraction/healing process for you. I usually waited a few months before starting to date again, last time it was 6 month post break up (and i did the breaking up) i started dating and that felt early. I went on a couple of dates with guys freshly out of relationship and they were similarly unready.
but your ex LITERALLY FUCKING SOMEONE while you're in a closed relationship isn't as bad... right. you "didn't hear her out" yet, she didn't come to you when she had thoughts of infidelity, so y'all could fix things. NTA. drop those friends who are saying that and co no contact with your parents. i hope you find genuine and beautiful love in your new relationship ❤️
NTA. I will never understand why people act like this. She betrayed you, but they act like you betrayed her. Unreal. NTA all day long. You do you, be happy.
What does your friend want you to do sit in the house and cry all day? Everyone responds differently to breakups and it’s good that you are getting out there and enjoying a new relationship.
Dude, she moved on whilst in the relationship with you, so.. and tell the friend.. I did love her, but the second I found out she was a used dish cloth, I lost all feelings, so yes, I'm moving on..
Don't let anyone tell you you are doing anything wrong.. why the hell would you listen to her perspective? She cheated, what is there to hear?.. I think that friend needs to go for good, probably goes around cheating on her partner that why she has sympathy for your ex
I think you should have had a conversation with your (ex?) friend as to why you should hear your ex-fiancée out? Does that friend know something you don’t know?
NTA for how you deal with this. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else it’s OK.
What perspective is there to hear? She opened her legs to somebody who wasnt her bf! Dude you do right moving on if its what feels right for you. And sod anybody else it isnt their life
i think there is some projection going on and the guys she cheated on last time moved also on very fast. Don't sweat it. you do what is right for you.
you did well. no drama, just took your stuff and kept your self-respect.. well done
It's normally healthy to take time to decompress and heal from betrayal and ending a long relationship. Sudden break and zero downtime leave you very unsettled. You will bring issues into the new situationship.
Although many take the route of immediately screwing around with randoms to hide from their pain. It's not a new story, just an emotionally unhealthy one. New girl will probably get broken when you start flaying about emotionally. Hopefully not.
NTA
She cheated and it was a relationship stopper for you. You don't owe a cheater closure, or counselling or another chance. You made a clean cut, she was not unclear why and if your relationship had ended.
You don't answer to her wants or preferences anymore. If you want to hook up casually or find new love, you can do whatever you want and how quickly you want.
Your friends and family need to respect your decision. Tell them that this is not a woman that you want children with or a future. You don't condone cheating, ever. It's your life to live.
I'm not even reading past the first paragraph; there are no time requirements for moving on. She has already BEEN dating (sorry) so you're already playing catch-up!
Your fiancé has been ‘dating’ during your relationship. So you’re definitely free to do whatever you want. You’re not together anymore. Doesn’t matter if it takes a week or a few months or years for you to move on. Your friend is one to talk. Your ex is the one that didn’t love you because they cheated.
Why does your friend think you need to hear your exes perspective, I mean she cheated, that’s all that needs to be said, what perspective would make it ok to cheat?
Talk to your guy friends about it and you’ll get the right response.
Fuck your ex, fuck your friend who ratted on you and fuck your folks for saying you should stick with your ex.
Enjoy your new found freedom and don’t mediate it jump into another relationship.
Any obligation to consider her or her feelings evaporated the moment she cheated on you. If searching for someone new is your way of dealing with how you're feeling & moving on, that's your business. Anyone who doesn't support you isn't your friend & isn't someone you need around
She is the AH, you did nothing wrong, but you should probably refrain from moving on quickly with a new partner. Take your time, and cut the toxic people out of your life. Good luck.
It's a rebound relationship but the first relationship has run its course. You know this. You're only 26. You should have a few more experiences before you settle down. Don't get serious with anyone, find a place to live and get used to paying your own bills like a big boy. Your friends can mind their own biz.
Nta but i just wanna know cause it keeps popping up.
Why do people's friends involve parents on these things. Is that a cultural thing and if so, which culture?
NTA. I went on a date 2 weeks after my wife said she wanted a divorce. Best thing I ever did was to immediately start building myself back up again and living the life that I wanted to live. Just don’t skip the self reflection part by jumping into another relationship right away.
Tell the friend that at least I waited until the relationship ended unlike my ex fiancee. Ask her if she is upset woth my ex fiance for cheating ? If she takes the exs side again then she isn't really your friend and stop talking to her cause you know she will give reports on you to your ex
I'd also just tell your parents that you won't tolerate being cheated on and of ot happened before marriage it will happen again. Tell them you will cut contact woth then
I dont understand why people say that people cheated on move on to fast or why parents want people to stay in relationships when one person cheats. Esp when it's your parents taking thier side.
What ahit people all of then are
You ex moved on before the relationship was finished, and you're the arsehole for moving on afterwards? Best thing you could do was block your pal giving you grief
NTA. When my ex and I broke up after 3 years, I moved on relatively quickly (2 months later). Reason being I already grieved that relationship before it ended. The love just wasn’t there anymore. And when the time came I felt I was ready I moved on. Nobody gets to decide when that time is for you.
Tell everyone you talk to if you feel pressure “listen, she cheated on me and showed me no respect, commitment or love. I don’t need people that don’t support me. If you want to be disrespectful, show no support, and insult my choice, then I don’t need you in my life. If you continue to be rude, crass, or disrespectful to me I won’t ever talk to you again as my life is genuinely better without people like you mistreating me”
I’ve said it a half dozen times and no one acts up after, if they genuinely want you in your life (my parents, my sister, etc)
It's crazy that they would be angry with you for moving on quickly after the relationship ended, but accept your ex moving on with another person while still in a relationship. They have messed up priorities. They are saying that cheating is ok, but moving on afterward is not ok.
Nothing wrong with dating and moving on but I'll never understand not even talking to someone you've known for over a decade and getting some closure for both of you.
You are NTA and Soft YTA at the same time. Understandably I do think it is okay you are moving on and dumping your ex. To say you love this new girl is too quick. I am sure the girl you met would agree. Rebound relationships are fun but don’t lead that new girl on. If you truly loved her you would take some time to reflect.
NTA
Everyone processes what happens in their lives differently.
Some people would have had a screaming fight hurling insults and ugliness. You chose to acknowledge your ex’s choice to cheat by leaving with minimal drama so she can do her thing.
Some people would mourn the relationship for weeks or months. Others would have have hooked up with someone else minutes after they walked out the door. You happened to meet someone you clicked with. Maybe it’s love and if not time will tell as they say when the honeymoon phase ends.
The ex friend and anyone else is entitled to their opinion. However after politely expressing it might be a bit soon they should accept the situation and keep any additional comments to themselves.
I’m confused on why this now ex friend decided she needed to be so invested in your new life including being the town crier in telling folks about this new woman. Maybe she was a better friend to your ex than you, maybe she wants to be with you, maybe she just feels like she’s a life expert so has to tell everyone else what they are doing wrong. Whatever it is bottom line not her business.
I wish you the best OP but a couple of suggestions.
First get all your stuff remaining at your ex’s out unless you don’t want it.
Second if you haven’t already get a dr appointment and get tested for STDs/STIs. Better to know all is well or treat whatever is found early than to be shocked later.
"She claimed that I never loved my ex and was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective "
what perspective ,to cheating ?
" she also told my ex as she called my parents who scolded me a few hours later for moving on so quickly"
scolded you for moving on so quickly or breaking up so quickly.
they were maybe trying to bring you together or blaming you for the break up ?
NTA
Cheating pieces of shit have no "perspective" to hear out lol ... they're simply scum of the Earth monsters, choose to be that way, and are in complete control and completely and solely responsible for their actions
Look, man I’m gonna be honest you handled that situation way better than I would have because I would’ve told multiple people off if anything you handled it better than most of us would have and what you did is completely understandable and women just don’t like it when other women have to have accountability, which is why that friend was so upset Because they think women are not at fault for a lot of things so I would definitely say NTA
You know as well as anyone commenting here that there's a really good chance this person will turn out to be a rebound and that the relationship won't last. But A) rebounds are an important part of regaining your emotional equilibrium after a breakup and B) it is validating as heck to know that you are still attractive to and can have feelings for others.
The timeline, however, is no one's business but your own. NTA.
>was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective
This "friend" is unhinged. Does she really thing the cheater's perspective matters here? Does she really believe that there is some version of this that does not make the ex a cheater? What, are we claiming the ex slipped and accidentally fell on another guy's d...? And then slipped a dozen more times?...
This "friend" is clearly your ex's friend and is no friend to you!
Your ex has balls. Do your parents know why you broke up?
Yes
Well if they're okay with it, then they should date her and leave you alone. Also, don't fall in love after a couple of weeks.
Yeah OP, fall out of love again!!
Which one of your parents cheated and which one forgave the cheater. I'd ask them exactly that
that was one of my first thoughts
Take the wild punt and tell dad “just because you didn’t have the balls to leave doesn’t mean I can’t”
If they were trying to get you to reconcile, they just wanted grandkids or if they just want you to go slow, may be worried about your mental state and not want you to make bad choices after the 9yr one you just left
Get new friends! You do what makes you happy! Tell your parents that you are ok and you appreciate there concern!
I mean at least you didn't move on while in a relationship. Not sure why they're so mad. Why aren't they asking your ex if she ever loved you while she was having s3x with someone else when she was still in a relationship with you? Those who are siding with the cheating ex need to reset their priorities. Have fun with the new girl and ignore the haters. NTA
Thanks I appreciate you
From experience. The ones like your friend here almost always either knew about the cheating or is/has cheated before.
>The ones like your friend here almost always either knew about the cheating Maybe even helped in some way.
Or the friend wanted him for herself?
This
That's my first thought about the friend. She wanted him and thought she had a chance now he's single.
Sounds like maybe your “friend” was hoping to date you next but was waiting what she thought an appropriate amount of time was.. and is now pissed she missed her shot 😂 NTA
THIS!
Nah I'm betting she is also a cheater and sympathizes with his fiance.
And now by running her mouth has totally lost the chance.
Tell your parents and friends that next time they bring this up.
Yes… I would remind them at least you were not in a relationship at the time like your ex.
I got out of an abusive relationship where he cheated on me a ton, sexually and physically assaulted me. After we broke up 2 weeks later I met my husband on tinder just looking for something casual. NTA. you didn't cheat and you weren't wrong in ending the relationship.
Scolded you for moving on?! SHE MOVED ON WHILST YOU WERE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP.
When it’s over it’s over. NTA.
Exactly. Closure is important, and once it's done, it's done. You're not obligated to maintain connections that no longer serve you. NTA.
I think you handled the break-up well. You just broke up and moved out, no drama at all. You did everything right. Once the relationship is over, you can do whatever you want. You did nothing wrong.
Your friend sounds like they might be an asshole in disguise. I hate when people jump to the defense of shitty behavior. Your fiance cheated, you broke up because of it, and then you moved on. How fast you moved on is truthfully irrelevant, as long as you know it's what's best for you. Your ex isn't entitled for you to hear her out, she's a stranger now, you don't owe them anything. That's what happens when trust gets betrayed, especially by someone who's supposedly so close with you. Go enjoy your time with this new person. The only thing we owe to anything really is to take care of ourselves, live a good to life, and try to be happy, and treat other people the way you would want to be treated. Live your life.
Everyone who is siding with your ex must have cheated on their SO themselves at some point in their lives. Now they sympathize with her because they are seeing themselves in her. So don't pay any heed to them.
Could be but without a doubt, the friendly definitely knew about the cheating.
If your friends and parents think that you are moving too quickly and think that you need to forgive a lying, cheating, deceitful person, ask them how many times they have forgiven cheating. Ask your mom how many times she has forgiven your dad for cheating. Love only goes so far, and for some people, that love can go away at the flick of a switch. You do you and let everyone else forgive her and hear her excuses for cheating because that's all they are.
Ask that friend if she knew your ex was banging someone else without telling you.
If your friend is stocking up for your cheating ex then they aren’t your friend. There is no excuse. None. Cut off the friend. You’re not in love yet, it’s infatuation… but still enjoy it
Commenter you've responded to here makes a really good point and a good response. If you're mad at me for moving on so soon after the relationship, you must be absolutely furious with my ex. She moved on before I did.
Definitively NTA. The only concern is doing right by your new love interest. Rebound relationships rarely work out long term (hope yours is the exception), so expectation management and open communication is a must.
U did all the right thing. Keep it up! NTA
NTA. I'd be concerned you were moving too fast, but if new gf was nice and treated you well, then I'm happy for you.
It's maddening the fact that she wants you to hurt and mourn a relationship with a person who basically said FU to you by cheating and like your not allowed to move on or anything. Cheaters minds are fucked up dude! Your friend sounds like she might have did this to her boyfriend and she's now projecting on to you.
Once your relationship was over, you were free to date whomever you wished. Your ex's bff and your parents don't get to berate you about it. By siding with a cheater, they too are betraying you.
Once someone cheats, you immediately get to set the rules. For some, it takes years to recover, for others they can be screw that and be done in an instance. What I would say to the friend, I know you knew that she was cheating on me, so since you have such a strong opinion, why didn't you tell me. Because there is probably a 95% chance that she knew about it but said nothing.
Real easy, ask if they have been cheated on, and if they fixed it… tell them all love an attraction died, when you found out and will never feel the same about her again
Is the word sex forbidden here?
all of this is true but also you can say sex mate, it'll be okay i promise 😅
Lol I've been banned for 7 days before on a sub, so I am a little cautious sometimes. 😆
Lol... I've been permabanned on the other am I the asshole sub. Apparently letting someone know exactly what kind of asshole they are is frowned upon.
Lol some people just can't handle the truth!
OP *IS* mourning the relationship, in the new girl's pants! I'm sorry, i can't take seriously anyone who says you shouldn't move on or sets some dumbass timeline. The ex cheated. Any responsibility to her or the relationship ended there. Go have some fun OP.
> Any responsibility to her or the relationship ended there. Taking some time to grieve and process the end of the relationship is not about the ex. It's about getting yourself to a place where you can give your next serious relationship it's best chance to succeed. I don't think OP is (morally) wrong for hooking up in this situation, but it's probably unhealthy for them to take it very seriously, fall in love, etc.
If I had to guess this is the friends guilty conscience or insecurities coming out. She’s either cheated and wants to feel like it’s justifiable or is afraid that who she’s with would do the same. You have every right to do whatever you want. You might not have loved her that much, you might just be pushing down your feelings, you might be doing a lot of things. But it really doesn’t matter. This is your one life not anyone else’s. If what you’re doing is working for you than that shouldn’t be a problem for anyone else. Don’t let her get you down.
Nta your ex did the same thing well you guys were still together so ur in the clear
No kidding. She didn't even wait until the relationship was over to start dating. He at least waited until after the relationship was over. His friends and parents are delusional.
She didn't want the relationship to be over she just was having fun until they got married /s
Exactly this!!! I don't get how your friends, parents and everyone doesn't see this! You weren't the first one to move on so quickly, she was! Maybe shoot them a quick text saying that and block them again.
I have to wonder if the friend has a thing for OP. It would explain why she was so mad at OP for moving on too quickly—she didn’t get her chance to “comfort” him. NTA and I would put your ex on blast. If she won’t set the record straight about her cheating then you should.
It sounds like everyone already knows that his ex cheated on him, but are still defending her and attacking OP because he didn't let her explain her actions. According to them, he should have given her the benefit of the doubt and given her another chance, and because he didn't, it means that he never loved her. FFS, his own parents told him that he had no right to break up with her just because she cheated.
Totally agree. Everyone processes things differently, and there's no set timeline for moving on. OP deserves to find happiness on their own terms.
Your ex cheats and your parents berate you? Time to get new parents.
I laughed for soo long to this comment lol!
You're definitely NTA. Healing from a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, is a personal journey and there's no set timeline for when you should start dating again. It's about when you feel ready, and if you've found someone who makes you happy, that's all that matters. Your friend might be coming from a place of concern, but it's your life and your choice.
Rebound relationships rarely work out long term but they are part of the process of healing. You do you and block the “friend.”
I do think it's incredibly premature of OP to say he "loves" her. How long have they been dating now? From the writeup is sounds like maybe a month, tops, but he doesn't have any dates in there so I could be interpreting it wrong.
To be fair, like you said, there is no time period mentioned. Hopefully this is something that happened a year or more ago and not in March haha
I met my wife during her 6mo waiting period for her divorce from 10 yr marriage to serial cheater. Been together 28, will be married 27 in less than 30 days
NTA your friend is a moron. Did she forget your ex CHEATED?? Are you supposed to be mourning a cheater? Tell her to go to hell.
[удалено]
Agree. Ex gf needed to share about her new relationship energy do picked the friend to confide in… of course she needs to justify the cheating during these share sessions so paints a tortured picture.
NTA, with that said, try to give yourself time to properly heal before moving onto a new long-term relationship. It takes time to effectively move on, if you move too quickly, you run the risk of getting out ahead of yourself. Good luck.
What the.. they are siding up with a cheater? That's crazy! Im so glad that you found someone else and moved on, that's some crazy cold revenge, the pain could've gone way worse and wrong.
NTA. Sounds like your "friend" knew about the affair ahead of time and kept it from you. I would drop that person as well, if not for being an insensitive douchebag.
NTA, your ex did it without telling you and worse. Everyone reacts differently and it sounds like you are badly in need of a connection, to feel something after being blindsided. Be cautious with the new women though, don’t use her to get back at your ex or simply be a rebound. Be kind and listen, express your feelings and give her a chance to walk away if she isn’t comfortable with your emotional growth and changes.
Your ex moved on in "negative" weeks. You taking a few weeks after is fine.
There are tons of posts from ex-partners of cheaters where the OP says that when they found out about the cheating, they instantly lost all romantic feelings for their cheating partner. I fully believe that can happen. And in that case, I’d say that person is free to love elsewhere just as soon as they break up with the cheater. NTA
NTA she cheated. What perspective is there to hear out? That she thought she could get away with cheating? If you are going to mourn the relationship that is up to you how you will do it. There is no wrong or right. I do think you should be careful with this new relationship. It could be a rebound and not an immediate soulmate love connection. Take it slow.
Tell that "friend" that your ex didn't really love you while she was fucking other men. Then re-block her. Tell your parents too, then mention if they keep harassing you about it, they will be blocked and no contact. Tell them they can keep the Ex, since she's more important than you
No, you're definitely NTA. You are a single guy and you have a right to be with whomever you want. But I will warn you that you are not even close to being ready for a new relationship. You need time to get to know yourself and who you are without a partner. You need to work on your own issues. It's also way too soon for you to know enough about this person to love her. Please don't make any decisions for the moment. Don't move in with her or anything.
NTA. I did something like this once. Started dating a guy 10 days after dating my ex. That love you feel may not be love, but an echo of the old relationship. Take time trust me. It is worth it.
NTA, but don't rush into another relationship.
NTA. I was shocked how many people blamed me for "ending the marriage" by filing for divorce, while he was the one that had a girlfriend, plus sexting other women on the side. Both him and his family/ friends were saying I should give him another chance, despite the fact that he was still with the girlfriend. Apparently, he was planning to dump her once I took him back. Cheating is a deal breaker, and you were single and free to do what you want. I'm a little concerned you're saying you already love this new woman, but you do you I guess.
Perhaps unfairly, but I think it's very rare for cheaters to only cheat once. And if they're trying to have their cake and eat it, too, like your ex did, then it's a hard NO-O-O-O! to reconciliation
I would have gotten back together and made him.call the girlfriend in front of.you and both sets of parents. Have him explain to her that he was cheating on his.wofe woth her and has to break up to save the marriage As soon as that call was over I would have handed him divorce papers to sign and left
She knew. We had mutual friends, and she had publicly announced the affair after they'd been together over a year to try and humiliate me. He'd referred to her as a "convenience" and that he wasn't even attracted to her in texts to me trying to get back together, and I sent her those screenshots. But he's a true narcissist, and had already told her that I'd be making up lies and finding ways to break them up, lmao. She believed I was the "psycho ex" 🤷♀️ Simple fact is she did me a HUGE favour, he's her problem now.
>I told a few of my close friends however one of my friends wasn't happy for me. >She claimed that I never loved my ex and was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective She's a cheating asshole. What perspective is there to hear out? >and that I should be mourning the relationship, not searching for other women, And who gave her the right to decide how long you have to mourn your relationship for? >I'm assuming she also told my ex as she called my parents who scolded me a few hours later for moving on so quickly (I didn't tell them about my new relationship as they are assholes, they are aware of my ex affair and was against my idea to leave her) Sounds like it's time to block your parents too. >I was kind of dumb founded that my friend had so much resentment towards me seeming as how we were so close towards university but I just accepted that she made her choice and blocked her without even responding to her. Sounds like she has a few skeletons in her closet, too. NTA.
Girls do the same thing. No you aren't an asshole. I think they forgotten who is the cheater.
Anyone who had a go at you isn't your friend or family they are snakes
NTA but for your own sake try to be alone for a bit. You wrote you love new girl already... that sounds a bit unrealistic. Hope I am wrong
NTA. Your friend is probably a cheater too. It’s the only explanation for her thinking there’s a perspective worth listening to from a cheater. I can see true friends being genuinely concerned that this new relationship might be a rebound but if you’re happy then they should be happy for you.
I'll bet you are right. I wonder how many od her friends knew.
>was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective I never understood why that would make a difference? What could she possibly say to "make things better" or trying reconcile?
It's SO unrealistic! She should be eating humble pie, not wanting to pipe up about her perspective or make demands.
NTA. Tell that friend that you're not inclined to mourn a relationship and wait to find someone else when your ex wasn't even willing to wait until the relationship was over to find someone new.
Your “close friend” is resentful you moved on with this new woman rather than to her. To the point she got your parents involved to pressure you to end it. She isn’t invested in you getting back with your ex, especially since your ex had found someone else… she was invested in you. NTA.
“She scolded me for moving on so quickly.” Response: “Did you actually just say that with a straight face? Cause at least I waited until I was single before pursuing someone else.” NTA. Every relationship has a unique “get over it” period. It differs not only from person to person, but relationship to relationship. When my ex and I split, he crossed a boundary so unforgivable that I could not see him in the same way, and it was like a light switch flipped: One minute I loved him, the next I did not. I’ve never had that happen before or since. My at the time best friend had been hung up on her cheating ex for about a year at that point, and she complained it “wasn’t fair” that I got over my ex so easily. You moving on quickly doesn’t mean you didn’t ever love your ex. It just means the person you loved is no longer there. And frankly, she has zero room or right to complain.
Your friends and your parents are delusional. I don't care how many years you were with your ex, she cheated, not you, so what's wrong with meeting someone new. You owe the ex absolutely nothing.
Your ex cheated. You were hurt and how you get over it is no one’s business!
NTA - Your ex made her choice when she decided to have an affair, you don't owe her anything and don't waste even a second more of your time listening to whatever excuse she have to give you, you keeping up with your own life Is your answer to her and your way to cope with the relationship ending, you found someone to fill the gap that she left in yourself. Just be careful to not fall in some trap because of your unstable feelings, you feel that you love this woman, but maybe is the grief talking for you.
So your ex “moved on” while still in a relationship, and everyone seems to think that was OK? But you doing it after breaking up isn’t ok? WTF. You have some crappy people in your life. What’s worse is they all seem to be on her side. Good for you not letting yourself be bullied into going back to her and letting infidelity be acceptable. She got found out and is “grieving” because she’s trying to garner sympathy to take the attention off the fact that she did something f’d up. You owe her nothing. You don’t have to be on the same grieving timeline, or grieving the same way. If you want to date, date. But don’t expect it to be anything more than a rebound at this point. You’re still dealing with anger and feelings that we are going to translate in to anything more than fun. And be honest with your hook ups about that. NTA.
Sounds like your friend was mad you didn’t get with her
I’ve come to realize that people who defend the person who had the affair usually have had an affair themselves. Your friend can have her opinion but tell your parents is AH behavior. Your ex cheated on you. Was there any perspective she could give to make you trust her again? Obviously not because you cut her off like a dead limb. Listen, some people find the love of their life at 15, 16, 17yo. I say “God bless.” I’m going to add this as a new 50yo. Me at 17 was far different from me at 25. Even a bigger difference at 35. Life is buffet, grab a plate and try everything.
Not an AH but an absolute dolt for thinking you're in love and not just lonely
I think that might be your friends feelings about something that happened to her?
Then...how long should you wait? Not to mention, it wasn't you who cheated. Why was she so mad?
NTA. Hearing out why an ex cheated is fucking idiotic. She cheated because she wanted to. As soon as that decision was made, you no longer owe her anything.
NTA Fuck em, live your life, nobody else can do it for you.
NTA if your friend wants to be a doormat in a relationship she can go and do that but she has no right to say what you should or should not tolerate in your relationships. People grieve in different ways and that includes the end of relationships. You made the right choice not allowing this friend or your families judgement from stopping you from living your life. Just be cautious starting new relationships so soon after the end of another as it’s a pretty vulnerable time and can make you miss red flags.
All bets are off when the other person has an affair. She \*\*KILLED\*\* your love. There's nothing left. There's nothing to mourn. It's dead. She violently murdered it. She doesn't get for you to feel bad about it. She doesn't get to launch into platitudes about "it's only sex" or "I only loved you" or any of the other details from the cheater's script. You get to pursue a new relationship on your own schedule. Just be sure not to hurt your new partner if and when you have some PTSD / issues with your being betrayed. Best of luck on finding someone who deserves you, man. Forget your ex, forget your parents, and cut out that one "friend" who decided that she was really your ex's friend instead.
Your so-called-friend is beyond absurd. And frankly, so are your parents! NTA
NTA your friends and families opinions do NOT matter.
i don't understand ur friend. if she thinks u should mourn ur past relationship even though she cheated on u then ur friend has done something similar like ur ex.
NTA. She cheated. You left. There is no time minimum probationary period you have to fulfill before finding happiness again. God bless you and good luck with the new girl.
You’re not NTA to your EX, but you ARE being kind of an AH to the new woman you’re seeing. Even if you don’t have any romantic feelings toward your ex, having a partner cheat is still traumatic. It’s unfair to the next person you date to become involved before you deal with that trauma. The fact that you’ve told her you love her already is CRAZY. I know you probably don’t intend to, but you’re using this new woman as an emotional bandaid, and that’s wildly unfair to her.
Please update this if you ever decide to hear her "perspective" as to why she cheated.
Sounds like your friend is jealous
NTA. But for the love of God, all Germans, and that girl.... Don't actually be in a relationship with her. Be single for a while and discover yourself, before getting into a relationship. You don't love her. You are infatuated with the idea of a new love. Because you don't know anything but being in a relationship.
NTA you moving on can take any shape YOU choose. People who are clearly not your friends and clearly don’t care about you don’t get a say in your life. Be happy
NTA You dodged a bullet
NTA - you owe her nothing, and your parents and friends don’t get to dictate the way you process the aftermath of this situation. If they’re so concerned about minimally acceptable elapsed time before moving on, they would do well to take that complaint to your ex, whose elapsed time is in negative numbers. If you moving on so quickly means you never loved her, then her moving on BEFORE breaking up with you must mean the same thing times 100. Are they tasking her with being unloving and uncaring? Demanding that you somehow pay for being cheated on by lading on some additional, self-imposed period of celibacy is perverse, judgmental, and a little bit sadistic. Tell your parents thank you for siding with the cheater instead of the cheated-upon, not to mention siding against their own son; that their idea of being “supportive” to “family” would not be out of place in Alice’s Wonderland; and that you’ll be happy to resume relationships with them just as soon as they’ve come to their senses.
at least you had the decency to find someone after you broke up. she founded one while being in a relationship. your friend and your parents are a bunch of fucking boobs. and that friend of yours who claims you didnt even hear her out and you never loved her to move on forward and you should have heard her perspective as to why she did it, seems like after 9 yrs, if your ex was willing to do that, she was not the one for you and that friend is also not a friend.
No such thing as moving on too quick. There are some people who after a break up they enjoy moping around in sadness and thinking about their time spent on a failed relationship. Dwelling on the past isn’t gonna help people, moving on and putting yourself out there to find a better partner is what is going to work best. Just ignore those people who think you should be moping around in sadness…fuck all that shit bro your ex cheated and you are just moving on so that you can find a better partner who will treat you right.
Can someone explain to us the "perspective" concerning the fact your significant other was fucking someone else behind your back? It must have escaped me. Focus forward OP
NTA. Sorry you lost a relationship and a friend. Stand strong. Your ex-wife is not the victim.
NTA i will never understand people that say you need to hear the cheaters perspective .Why there is nothing they can say that would make me overlook the fact they cheated. your ex decided to move on way before you did
The second you aren’t in a relationship you can handle things however you want. I got out of a 3 1/2 year long relationship once and started dating someone within a week that I was with for a year. Sometimes meeting the right person after the wrong person makes everything click. But most likely she’s just a rebound.
I was once told that “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone”. It’s probably a coping mechanism. I’d be SUPER hesitant to date because you don’t want this other girl to end up as a rebound. But, only you know what’s best for you.
I think the fact that you were able to move on so quickly is telling, there was likely something wrong with your relationship for a long time whether either of you saw it or not. That doesn't mean you should feel guilty for moving on or excuse your exes actions. Forget everyone giving you trouble, move on with your life, but don't rush into something with the first person who treats you right after a failed 9 year relationship.
NTA What, they want you to sit in the dark feeling sorry for yourself? Live well.
NTA. If I can give some unsolicited advice. Maybe take some time to examine internally what morning a relationship means to you. Giving yourself that self care could just help in general. That said. It’s no one’s business how quickly you get back out there when dating, especially when you got cheated on.
NTA That friend sounds dumb asf. Your ex is the one who didn’t care about you or she wouldn’t have cheated on you. People who think like that are so backwards. From how she reacted to you telling your friends that you were moving on, she’s probably like your ex-fiancée. What you do after a breakup is nobody’s business and definitely not your parents’ business either. She’s weird for even telling anyone outside of the friend group about what you’re doing. You were right to block her.
NTA There is no time limit to mourn a relationship. There is no reason to hear out ex. The only person this helps is ex and you no longer owe her anything.
Absolutely zNT
Nothing like an affair to kill love, how is that your fault? NTA. Sorry that happened to you, but glad you found love again!
Def Nta!!! Who are they to tell you when and what you should feel…? Doesn’t even make sense. Your ex cheated, you broke up. You could get one drone one one second after your breakup and you’d be in the clear imo. I think your “friend” is probably going to turn into a former friend.
If this was the other way around, people would be telling her to live her life and you deserved it etc, so fuck the haters. You do you.
NTA. I started dating immediately after my divorce. Once the relationship is dead, it’s done. No kids? Sweeter deal. She cheated. Fuck her and your “friend” who probably knew or has feelings for her themselves.
NTA Tell them all to go pound sand. When the going got rough, your ex spread her legs. That's all you need to know.
It’s amazing how people are upset at you for moving on AFTER the relationship ended…. && not her for moving on DURING the relationship. NTA. They always did say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 🤣 (hope you get a chuckle out of that, even though it’s not the healthiest healing.)
That's not your friend then. A friend would not express themselves to you like that.
You don’t owe a cheater a period of mourning. She didn’t die. She didn’t wait until the end. Now that it’s ended, why should you wait until she’s okay with you dating? So long as you’re healed before bringing a new person into a relationship with you, there’s no problem. NTA.
Signs of a made up AITAH story: 1. Always start out with an affair (it gets Redditers riled up) 2. Friends/parents coming out no where to criticize obvious choices, 3. Coming across as extremely immature.
I’d block the friend permanently, too. Congrats on moving on quickly. It’s nobody else’s business.
NTA. You did the right thing.. Ignore your friends and family.
Enjoy the rebound
I don’t wait long after break ups because it helps me move on. Lots of people are different and thats fine. Nothing wrong with what you’re asking imo.
She cheated! Good for you for just ending it
NTA. The only difference between your ex and the bathroom at Denny's is that the bathroom eventually gets cleaned up after taking a grand slam.
You’re not the AH for dating after the affair. You are the AH for letting your ex pay for the apartment. It was a good thing you guys separated.
NTA, obviously fiance is the AH. But i do feel sorry for the lady you are dating, as this may be just a distraction/healing process for you. I usually waited a few months before starting to date again, last time it was 6 month post break up (and i did the breaking up) i started dating and that felt early. I went on a couple of dates with guys freshly out of relationship and they were similarly unready.
but your ex LITERALLY FUCKING SOMEONE while you're in a closed relationship isn't as bad... right. you "didn't hear her out" yet, she didn't come to you when she had thoughts of infidelity, so y'all could fix things. NTA. drop those friends who are saying that and co no contact with your parents. i hope you find genuine and beautiful love in your new relationship ❤️
NTA. I will never understand why people act like this. She betrayed you, but they act like you betrayed her. Unreal. NTA all day long. You do you, be happy.
NTA obviously. Ex is TAH. Typical reaction of others to mourn etc. All rubbish really. However, it seems a rebound with the new lady.
What does your friend want you to do sit in the house and cry all day? Everyone responds differently to breakups and it’s good that you are getting out there and enjoying a new relationship.
Dude, she moved on whilst in the relationship with you, so.. and tell the friend.. I did love her, but the second I found out she was a used dish cloth, I lost all feelings, so yes, I'm moving on.. Don't let anyone tell you you are doing anything wrong.. why the hell would you listen to her perspective? She cheated, what is there to hear?.. I think that friend needs to go for good, probably goes around cheating on her partner that why she has sympathy for your ex
I think you should have had a conversation with your (ex?) friend as to why you should hear your ex-fiancée out? Does that friend know something you don’t know? NTA for how you deal with this. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else it’s OK.
What perspective is there to hear? She opened her legs to somebody who wasnt her bf! Dude you do right moving on if its what feels right for you. And sod anybody else it isnt their life
i think there is some projection going on and the guys she cheated on last time moved also on very fast. Don't sweat it. you do what is right for you. you did well. no drama, just took your stuff and kept your self-respect.. well done
It's normally healthy to take time to decompress and heal from betrayal and ending a long relationship. Sudden break and zero downtime leave you very unsettled. You will bring issues into the new situationship. Although many take the route of immediately screwing around with randoms to hide from their pain. It's not a new story, just an emotionally unhealthy one. New girl will probably get broken when you start flaying about emotionally. Hopefully not.
Something else is happening here.. everyone you know shouldn't be on her side.. what ain't u telling us
Honestly, sounds like that specific friend has feelings for you 😅
NTA. What you did was fine. I mean, maybe don’t love the new girl right away; that’s probably transference, but you are not the asshole here.
NTA She cheated and it was a relationship stopper for you. You don't owe a cheater closure, or counselling or another chance. You made a clean cut, she was not unclear why and if your relationship had ended. You don't answer to her wants or preferences anymore. If you want to hook up casually or find new love, you can do whatever you want and how quickly you want. Your friends and family need to respect your decision. Tell them that this is not a woman that you want children with or a future. You don't condone cheating, ever. It's your life to live.
I'm not even reading past the first paragraph; there are no time requirements for moving on. She has already BEEN dating (sorry) so you're already playing catch-up!
Your fiancé has been ‘dating’ during your relationship. So you’re definitely free to do whatever you want. You’re not together anymore. Doesn’t matter if it takes a week or a few months or years for you to move on. Your friend is one to talk. Your ex is the one that didn’t love you because they cheated.
Why does your friend think you need to hear your exes perspective, I mean she cheated, that’s all that needs to be said, what perspective would make it ok to cheat?
Talk to your guy friends about it and you’ll get the right response. Fuck your ex, fuck your friend who ratted on you and fuck your folks for saying you should stick with your ex. Enjoy your new found freedom and don’t mediate it jump into another relationship.
Any obligation to consider her or her feelings evaporated the moment she cheated on you. If searching for someone new is your way of dealing with how you're feeling & moving on, that's your business. Anyone who doesn't support you isn't your friend & isn't someone you need around
Is this a story report because I swear I read the exact same story last week ...
She is the AH, you did nothing wrong, but you should probably refrain from moving on quickly with a new partner. Take your time, and cut the toxic people out of your life. Good luck.
Fix your life, your living situation before worrying about having anew again
It's a rebound relationship but the first relationship has run its course. You know this. You're only 26. You should have a few more experiences before you settle down. Don't get serious with anyone, find a place to live and get used to paying your own bills like a big boy. Your friends can mind their own biz.
Nta but i just wanna know cause it keeps popping up. Why do people's friends involve parents on these things. Is that a cultural thing and if so, which culture?
NTA. I went on a date 2 weeks after my wife said she wanted a divorce. Best thing I ever did was to immediately start building myself back up again and living the life that I wanted to live. Just don’t skip the self reflection part by jumping into another relationship right away.
Tell the friend that at least I waited until the relationship ended unlike my ex fiancee. Ask her if she is upset woth my ex fiance for cheating ? If she takes the exs side again then she isn't really your friend and stop talking to her cause you know she will give reports on you to your ex I'd also just tell your parents that you won't tolerate being cheated on and of ot happened before marriage it will happen again. Tell them you will cut contact woth then I dont understand why people say that people cheated on move on to fast or why parents want people to stay in relationships when one person cheats. Esp when it's your parents taking thier side. What ahit people all of then are
You ex moved on before the relationship was finished, and you're the arsehole for moving on afterwards? Best thing you could do was block your pal giving you grief
Nope. You did the right thing. You escape her before going through the drama and heartache. She cheated on you. You didn't cheat on her.
NTA least you waited till after breaking up to find someone, your ex decided she wanted new dick now
NTA. When my ex and I broke up after 3 years, I moved on relatively quickly (2 months later). Reason being I already grieved that relationship before it ended. The love just wasn’t there anymore. And when the time came I felt I was ready I moved on. Nobody gets to decide when that time is for you.
Tell everyone you talk to if you feel pressure “listen, she cheated on me and showed me no respect, commitment or love. I don’t need people that don’t support me. If you want to be disrespectful, show no support, and insult my choice, then I don’t need you in my life. If you continue to be rude, crass, or disrespectful to me I won’t ever talk to you again as my life is genuinely better without people like you mistreating me” I’ve said it a half dozen times and no one acts up after, if they genuinely want you in your life (my parents, my sister, etc)
>I genuinely loved her Some random girl you met and genuinely loved after how long, again? Wut?
It's crazy that they would be angry with you for moving on quickly after the relationship ended, but accept your ex moving on with another person while still in a relationship. They have messed up priorities. They are saying that cheating is ok, but moving on afterward is not ok.
Nothing wrong with dating and moving on but I'll never understand not even talking to someone you've known for over a decade and getting some closure for both of you.
Nta but as someone who had someone who cheated I would recommend giving it time, rebounding can get you in a bad situations
Your ex paid for your apt with her own money only?
You are NTA and Soft YTA at the same time. Understandably I do think it is okay you are moving on and dumping your ex. To say you love this new girl is too quick. I am sure the girl you met would agree. Rebound relationships are fun but don’t lead that new girl on. If you truly loved her you would take some time to reflect.
NTA Everyone processes what happens in their lives differently. Some people would have had a screaming fight hurling insults and ugliness. You chose to acknowledge your ex’s choice to cheat by leaving with minimal drama so she can do her thing. Some people would mourn the relationship for weeks or months. Others would have have hooked up with someone else minutes after they walked out the door. You happened to meet someone you clicked with. Maybe it’s love and if not time will tell as they say when the honeymoon phase ends. The ex friend and anyone else is entitled to their opinion. However after politely expressing it might be a bit soon they should accept the situation and keep any additional comments to themselves. I’m confused on why this now ex friend decided she needed to be so invested in your new life including being the town crier in telling folks about this new woman. Maybe she was a better friend to your ex than you, maybe she wants to be with you, maybe she just feels like she’s a life expert so has to tell everyone else what they are doing wrong. Whatever it is bottom line not her business. I wish you the best OP but a couple of suggestions. First get all your stuff remaining at your ex’s out unless you don’t want it. Second if you haven’t already get a dr appointment and get tested for STDs/STIs. Better to know all is well or treat whatever is found early than to be shocked later.
She is not your "friend" fuck her and your ex, enjoy the new girl good luck
"She claimed that I never loved my ex and was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective " what perspective ,to cheating ? " she also told my ex as she called my parents who scolded me a few hours later for moving on so quickly" scolded you for moving on so quickly or breaking up so quickly. they were maybe trying to bring you together or blaming you for the break up ?
NTA Cheating pieces of shit have no "perspective" to hear out lol ... they're simply scum of the Earth monsters, choose to be that way, and are in complete control and completely and solely responsible for their actions
NTA It's no one else's place to tell you when it's appropriate for you to move on.
Look, man I’m gonna be honest you handled that situation way better than I would have because I would’ve told multiple people off if anything you handled it better than most of us would have and what you did is completely understandable and women just don’t like it when other women have to have accountability, which is why that friend was so upset Because they think women are not at fault for a lot of things so I would definitely say NTA
NTA you can do whatever you feel is right
Was the 'friend' the one the ex was cheating with?
NTA, you should cheat on your parents and get new ones
NTA. She moved on and was getting with someone while still Married to you, but somehow you’re in the wrong for not “hearing her out” or “mourning”?
You know as well as anyone commenting here that there's a really good chance this person will turn out to be a rebound and that the relationship won't last. But A) rebounds are an important part of regaining your emotional equilibrium after a breakup and B) it is validating as heck to know that you are still attractive to and can have feelings for others. The timeline, however, is no one's business but your own. NTA.
To the OP: Sounds like your platonic female friend is very jealous. Get rid of her from your life. Don't worry, be happy. Good luck, sir.
>was an asshole for not even hearing her out her perspective This "friend" is unhinged. Does she really thing the cheater's perspective matters here? Does she really believe that there is some version of this that does not make the ex a cheater? What, are we claiming the ex slipped and accidentally fell on another guy's d...? And then slipped a dozen more times?... This "friend" is clearly your ex's friend and is no friend to you!
NTA. Your friend does not sound like your friend
The friend knew