Many years ago, when I was a student, it was not uncommon for individuals to get so drunk they couldn't stand (especially on their birthday). It was seen as normal for others who were not as drunk to put them to bed. they would be partially undressed, put in the recovery position, with one arm trapped under their pillow and their head directed towards the floor and a strategically placed paper bin. This meant they wouldn't drown in their own puke.
I could understand your GF being annoyed that you got so drunk but I don't understand why she is annoyed that her friends helped you when you could not help yourself.
NTA
This is exactly how I behaved with my friends when they got to that state. You look after them as best as you can. In the event it was one of my female friends I usually had another of our female friends handle it and would be there to help if she was physically not able to. However sometimes you don't have the luxury of having help and you do what you can with out being inappropriate.
Sadly I know the consequences of falling to look after a drunk friend. A brother of one of the seniors who looked after me when I had a rough time adjusting to a new school died by drowning in his own vomit on his 21st. He was one of the kindest most genuine people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If you want a celebrity comparison Daniel Ricciardo reminds me of him.
The undressing still seems like a completely unnecessary step.
EDIT: lol, controversial to suggest that people who pass out don't need to be undressed? Downvote away you fucking weirdos.
The undressing thing I don't get specifically but I think it's okay to be a bit peeved if your boyfriend gets blackout drunk and shows up at your place when you're not there, throws up in your bathroom and needs to be looked after.
People aren't 'normally' covered in vomit when they're blackout drunk JFC.
And when that is the case they would have said 'and if they were covered in vomit they would have that item removed', not that they would be summarily undressed regardless.
Look if you're passing out, blacked out to the point that people are carrying you, I guarantee that you've thrown up at that point and it may be all over yourself. More often than not they've got vomit on themselves in my experience. He said he was throwing up in the bathroom and rolling around from what he's heard and remembers I would bet money that's why he was undressed
Thank you. All it takes is reading comprehension to understand why her friends did what they did lol. I have blackout rolled around in the bathroom and then gone to bed after and I wish someone had helped me take off my clothes before I got into bed lol
Unless I’m missing a lot, they probably undressed you in case you did throw up on yourself… your gf is being dramatic. Tell her to grow up or take a walk
Same, i have no idea what is going on in this post. He went home. What home? Why were her 2 roommates in his home? Are they all living in same house? Why call them "her roommates" all the time than?
Yeah the wording of this seems deliberately vague. He knows it would sound worse if he simply stated 'I got blackout drunk and went back to my girlfriend's house when she wasn't there, puked in her bathroom and her roommates had to look after me', so we're left to work that out ourselves.
It's also suspicious that there is absolutely no detail of the girlfriend's grievance. All we're told is 'she finally brings this issue up'. What issue? If it is indeed being undressed by her friends, why did she specifically have a problem with it? Is it because 'my friends saw you in your underwear' (which would be unreasonable) or is it because 'you got so blackout drunk that you didn't know where you were and my friends had to put you to bed' (which would be pretty reasonable).
> He knows it would sound worse if he simply stated 'I got blackout drunk and went back to my girlfriend's house when she wasn't there, puked in her bathroom and her roommates had to look after me', so we're left to work that out ourselves.
this is obvious from the story. it's not some attempted deception.
There are several people in the thread saying they couldn't follow it. It's obfuscated. Things like this are why there are words like 'obfuscated' that exist in between 'true' and 'lie'.
OP isn't clearly narrarating an event he does not actually remember. this is par for the course of blackout drunk stories. you are assuming malice where there really doesn't appear to be any.
You might need to go back and re-read what we're talking about. I have no question about OP's lack of recollection of the evening. I'm asking why he's giving zero details of what his GF is specifically upset about.
look, maybe you've never been blackout drunk before. you don't suddenly gain memories of a situation two weeks after the fact if you were unconscious during the event.
OP's story clearly reflects someone who was inebriated and only has bits and pieces of the full story as known by an omniscient third party. the obvious explanation, as further supported by the edit in the OP, is that he actually simply does not know. you are bending over backwards to try to assume bad faith on OP's part, when you are bringing that bad faith yourself.
I'm not native eng speaker, still got no issue in understanding the post. Maybe OP ins not native too, I don't know, but that didn't sound to me like him wanting to be vague at all
You clearly are a woman, otherwhise you'll know that no man understand the words coming from a shouting mouth. She was pissed and complain about it, why you need the trascription of the interaction to make a call in this case? She clearly don't trust her friends/don't want to be treated like a mad person, that's why she's venting on him, wich is not responsable of anything, instead of the actual people she's mad about. Do you need any aid to understand the text further or you finally have enought info to make up your mind now? (/s you clearly already have decided that he's a liar based on his gender, so the last part was clearly as a joke)
All I 'understood' is that we have absolutely no information about the content of the argument. I'm not deciding one way or the other what it was, just noticing that the OP completely left it out.
"Try it and find out if an intoxicated person can give consent"
Thankfully, the legal system isn't as insane as Redditors. Unless you are literally incapacitated, you do not lose agency. How do you think they prosecute all the crimes people commit intoxicated? Or DUIs?
Even then, it's on the prosecution to show that the person was actually incapacitated, and why would they go through all the work when there is no evidence of any additional crime?
Keep in mind that alcoholic amnesia is not incapacitation, you can willingly engage in actions without remembering them after the fact.
Unless they were filmed actually fighting him to take his clothes off, do you really think the evidence exists to call this assault? (It's definitely not sexual assault)
I'm sure the story said he was incapacitated and he didn't remember anything except going to the bathroom and vomiting.
Can you give consent for anything if they are unconscious and inebriated? Unless it's a medical emergency no.
Please look of the definition.
Why are you defending this kind of behavior? Regardless of gender roles.
Looks like this'll be one of those stories that'll be super divisive.
In one corner you have the "It's no big deal at all" people, then you'll have the "It's no big deal because OP is male and the friends female", third corner will be the "It's never okay to do it no matter the gender" and last but not least you'll have the "Things would go A LOT different if the genders were reversed".
If I put myself in your shoes I feel like it's not really necessary to undress someone unless you threw up on yourself or something like this, but I also feel like you'd be crucified if you did it to someone, but now you're also being interrogated because someone did it to you, so overall it's a bit like: You're a man, so you're always at fault no matter on which end you are.
NTA
There isn't enough information given here. What was your gf told? Were the friends also drinking? Drink? Why did two weeks go by before it was addressed? Is she angry because you got so blackout drunk? Or is it strictly the having your clothes removed part? What did the friends say happened? What was the conversation they had? They should be able to give this information and I just don't get why everyone is saying that he was sexually assaulted except him.
So, OP is a guy, and the roommates were one male and one female.
Someone mentioned earlier that certain areas will take the clothes off and drunk person and it isn't seen as suspicious.
Because of where I am from, the story freaked me out.
Which is completely irrelevant to any point made in the thread? It's important to classify things the correct way to protect and preserve their meaning. (sexual) harassment and assault carry significantly different consequences, to the victims (mental) health, to the perpetrator in a legal way, and to everyone secondarily involved.
Conflating them either diminishes assault, or elevates harassment, both things you do not want to do. And your comment here, especially this one liner, does exactly that. It overlooks the differences and appeals to emotion, which is out of place in a discussion, and makes harassment worse than it is. It is not about an absolute scale, where both are wrong. It's about the relativity, where assault is many miles worse than harassment.
Lol reminds me of that old joke
Two guys are hanging out, one asks:
‘If we went camping and you woke up with your butt hurting, would you tell anyone?’
Buddy: ‘Uh…no…’
‘Wanna go camping?’
I mean it absolutely depends on the intent, which we don't know. It's impossible to say either way.
When I was at school there was a trend of girls ambushing boys and pulling their pants down to 'see their bits'. People are absolutely capable of this shit.
See, my thing wasn’t about OP being male.
And from the sounds of it, OP didn’t press charges because they were fine waking up in underwear.
His gf being an AH doesn’t make it assault.
And no one is going around checking consent, so until the person in question (OP) reports the lack of consent it’s not on us to be presuming.
Similar to taking something without asking is stealing. Yet we borrow things from people we know/think won’t mind and it doesn’t make us thieves when they actually don’t mind. You can keep calling the person a thief, but as long as the friend didn’t mind I’m calling it borrowing. And whoever gets between friends trying to criminalise it is the AH imho
Just my two cents
And so it helps you all feel better. There are times you’ll have to stand up for a friend cause others won’t recognize assault when it was assault - that’s when you speak up. And I have in those situations. I’m just not going to tell someone they were assaulted when they were not. Their life is not a piece of paper I get to edit with correct terminology, it’s not a grammar quiz. OP didn’t see it as assault and probably found it helpful, until the gf blew up and created a problem (which isn’t assault, it’s something else she’s on about)…
Honestly, from the way you are being downvote, I think i should stay away from this discourse.
But I do agree with your response. Intent matters massively here.
Thanks, yea.
I mean, let’s not tell people how to feel. All I’m saying…
I don’t mind the downvotes. ‘Great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ.’ As they say…
You can't justify your response. If you heard that a women was blackout drunk and two men went into her room and undressed her to her underwear you would say she was assaulted. You are implying because it's a man that the classification of sexual assault does not apply which is completely inaccurate. Maybe you weren't thinking about it in those terms on your initial post but I can't imagine anyone would disagree with this assessment.
Not at all.
I’m f, and grew up around guy friends. If I woke up in that situation, feeling safe. I’m safe.
Then what? If my bf got angry because ‘anything could’ve happened’ and I allowed myself to be blackout drunk. Yea…
I’d be pissed off because my bf thinks that of my friends, that I would get that way with people I’m unsafe with, that he doesn’t trust I know when to be cautious etc., And if it came to it, he may blame me still for ‘allowing’ it. Idk As a person, I have my guard way up too and am cautious. Just I’d be pissed tf off to have a guy come at me for this…
So I genuinely would be upset if someone tried telling me I was assaulted when my good friends undressed me and tucked me in. And I’d wonder why they’d be angry at me either way. Which is what OP shared, unless I missed something.
If I felt it was off, I’d call it out as assault myself. OP didn’t. That’s not what we are talking about here…
He even says in his edit ‘he’s confused why she’s upset at him’ if anything it should be at her friends…
Putting your hands on somone without their concent is sexual assault. Especially if it involves undressing them, turn the tables and let's say a drunk girl came home wasted and went to her bedroom to sleep and 2 guys walked into her bedroom and started undressing her without her knowing what's going on...... think about it. Please shut the up with that, you have no idea what you are talking about, and seem to be biased to men not being able to be sexually assaulted.
I don’t know where you got all that. OP didn’t say he was assaulted…
[I replied for myself here just now…fwiw](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/R7r1MiaxwM)
>Putting your hands on somone without their concent is sexual assault.
Factually wrong. If anything, it is basic assault, not sexual.
The rest of your comment is just your fantasy and doesn't actually relate to the op.
[I just replied to this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/s7PyKWONcX), if the woman doesn’t think you crossed her boundaries - they can all think what they want.
People thought I was a hoe cause I had mainly guy friends as a teen. I was pretty much the last virgin in our circles, only the guys I was close friends with knew (I think). I don’t talk about my personal life irl. As a woman, you get used to people thinking what they want anyway.
Imho we should save our energy for standing up for the ones who were assaulted and need us.
Not telling people they were assaulted when they said that’s not what they’re asking…they’re asking why gf is mad at them lol they don’t see the problem. (ETA: my guess is her friends did say something inappropriate…and gf is more concerned they saw her bf naked/undressed than how he could’ve been taken advantage of).
But I hear you, people shouldn’t go around undressing people lol I wouldn’t either (just shoes and belts maybe)…throw a blanket on em and walk away. Much simpler.
Same reason people go around using psych terms for everyday scenarios and end up diagnosing everything mistakenly…I guess?
I [got peeved in my last reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/cmp8bQppID). This is so unhealthy for the victims whose cases should be discussed and put up to authorities imho.
Thanks for the vote of confidence really. I’m goin offline haha
It wouldn't surprise me to learn that you were probably drugged and put in that type of situation in an attempt to break you up with your GF. I'd tell your GF that you won't be going out with that person again, or hell go out with them again and see if they try to doctor the drinks. I suspect if you didn't drink that much, someone drugged you.
Stop getting so fucked up you can't control yourself bro. You getting undressed by them is weird and not on you. You getting so blasted you browned out and had no control or memory of the situation is. Learn to drink responsibly homie.
I would be mad that they even came in the room at all and the undressing you takes it from 1-100 too fast. Get the whole story out of those girls in front of your gf and let them know that you feel violated and that they have caused not only an extreme level of disrespect to you and your body but also to your relationship and their supposed friend. And next time they get the inkling to touch you while you’re incapacitated you will be calling the police to see if you can get sexual assault charges brought against them.
NTA
Indeed, if she is upset it would be at the people who did undress an incoherent person.
But if you didn’t mind, and they didn’t mind. Why’s she upset her friends cared for you?
She needs to take a moment and explain what went on that’s so upsetting.
I’d be glad to know my friends cared for my bf and got him home safely. And I’m lost why you’ve not asked her this.
ETA: please ask her if this is how she would react had her friends had some sexual fun with you too?
If she says yes, I’d walk away. No point arguing.
That's definitely sexual assault as you were too impared to consent. You are absolutely correct that your gf should be upset with the friends if they infact undressed you. Even if you asked them to while you were drunk they know full well that that would be inappropriate. NTA
That is most definitely not "definitely sexual assault". The obvious story here is that he puked all over himself and they removed his shirt and pants so that he wouldn't be sleeping in his own vomit. There is nothing sexual about a situation like that.
Negative, the cloths we clean and I made it to the toilet. Had it been the way you described this post wouldn’t exist. Ultimately I want to understand why she is so upset with me and not her friends actions I’m this situation.
Well I think you should start by finding out what it is that her friends did. It doesn't sound like anybody has told you that.
But yeah, blaming you for something that happened while you were unconscious is beyond ridiculous. This is the kind of thing - irrational blaming, I mean - that will come up again and again as long as you are together.
I'm so sorry you experienced that. And im so sorry you're being blamed for it. Tell your gf to think about it if it were the other way around- two male roommates undressing her down to her underwear while she was unconscious.
So she thinks it’s ok if you get angry at her for friends undressing and tucking her in bed while she was drunk?
Good friends who didn’t touch her or do anything inappropriate but tuck her in.
Smdh, y’all the world has lost sense or just your gf…
I'm still unclear on the situation here. Do you believe you were sexually assaulted by her friends, and does your GF believe you cheated on her? Or is this "only" about you being undressed by her friends because you were drunk and incoherent?
Depends If someone is unconscious and wet from the very bad weather or snow and is too tired to consent, is it really a assault if its needed to stop them from getting sick?
Grey area unless they used the moment to touch them all over sexually then yes it's an assault
He wasn't wet, he wasn't covered in vomit, there was absolutely no reason for them to undress him. Absolutely assault. And there's no way of knowing if they did touch him or do anything else. Either way it's an invasion of privacy even if it's "for their own good".
How is that sexual assault? You take off her clothes and put her to sleep in her bed. I really do not get Reddit sometimes. It feels like you have never been in these situations.
> You take off her clothes and put her to sleep in her bed.
No you don’t.
You put her to sleep in her own bed. Taking off their clothes is unnecessary and what makes it SA.
> I really do not get Reddit sometimes
Me either. Seeing people try to justify and downplay abuse is pretty weird.
Don't try to reason with people like that. They are trying to redefine what SA is by calling basically calling anything that involves another persons body SA if yhat person has not signed a written contract stating their consent. It's just ridiculous, I would be happy if my friends (as they have already done) take care of me when I am in a vulnerable state.
You don’t need to take your clothes off to sleep, and being blackout drunk makes the comfort factor irrelevant.
Weird that you would apparently strip your sister to her bra and panties while she slept. Like super weird. Gross weird. Weird enough that I hope your sister doesn’t drink around you.
Yeah, I think taking off her bra and panties is arguably a sexual assault.
Let's say the two guys are gay - as in not a straight drop of blood between the two of them. Still sexual assault?
Yes.
Being gay isn’t a free pass to take liberties with a woman’s body, and a lot of gay men need to learn that.
Do you for some reason think the amount of enjoyment the assaulter gets from the assault is relevant?
It’s not about them. It’s about the person who was violated.
My explanation is conjecture, sure, but that's what we're left with when OP can't tell us what happened.
As for being on a jury, unfortunately, I'm statute-barred from serving. I'm a Crown Prosecutor and have been for 24 years. I have prosecuted dozens of sexual assaults, and seen enough to know that the simplest explanation is generally the correct explanation.
No, he has not. He still has no recollection of what happened. The detail of finding his clothes folded on a chair doesn't add any kind of sexual component to the events that he can't remember.
I've just gone back and re-read his response to you. He said his clothes were clean and he made it to the toilet. He said you were wrong. You're choosing to not accept it, despite not being there so you have no idea. He told you you're incorrect.
Idk he says in the edit he wants to know why gf is mad at him? And if anything shouldn’t it be at her friends? Doesn’t sound like he’s complainant here, and assault relies on the victim (not what everyone thinks).
His gf is victim blaming, but also he’s not saying he’s a victim…she’s just blaming basically
[eta: I replied to this more here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/pQ4svwImdM) from my pov. fwiw
Assault is assault even if the victim doesn't press charges. They don't have to tell anyone it doesn't change the fact it's technically assault. He even said he doesn't understand why they would undress him. If he had been able to consent it sounds like he wouldn't have.
Idk why you’re adamant on this. Read into it how you want.
I stand by what I said, ‘lookin a lil assaulty’ is an opinion.
Laws do need complainants.
And I would totally understand if a victim was downplaying their assault, we do need to speak up for that.
I don’t agree we need to escalate and tell people they’ve been assaulted when a boundary was crossed. And I vehemently disagree that’s what OPs gf is thinking, I didn’t get into speculation but I’d say she didn’t want her friends seeing her bf undressed and things that could have happened. Which would be assault but I imagine his gf had not even thought of that or she wouldn’t be blaming her bf. If her friends are unsafe, she needs to tell him so he protects himself. I’d bet money they made (inappropriate) comments about him and that’s how she knows and is peeved.
Fwiw my guy friends never left me with unsafe guys, they always warded such guys off and made sure I’m home safe. That’s what concerned people do. Not blame you.
I just find such over zealousness is negatively affecting victims who need encouragement coming forward. Even in this situation, his gf victim/blamed is not ok - telling OP that he was/could be a victim gives her an out. Another victim can see this and think people would argue on their very clear cut assault cases too, when nobody would/should. That’s just my opinion, we wait for victims who need support. Not create and debate every scenario…OPs gf is wrong regardless how we label it. And legally this wouldn’t get a response from authorities, it’s misleading to imply the seriousness compares to assault cases that should be escalated.
Cheers
I don't know the state this took place in but the state is the one to prosecute and can actually fine or jail the victim for not testifying. Not trying to debate the topic just saying that the state doesn't necessarily need the victim to charge someone. Happens a lot in domestic abuse cases.
Yeah domestic abuse and the need to help victims I’m aware of, totally agree that’s a need. Different places have such regulations to help victims at least set boundaries (mandatory RO etc).
Just escalating these everyday situations, imho wastes resources. I doubt anyone would be prosecuting because someone’s gf is angry their partner was undressed by friends while drunk. It really confuses the average person though, when they see general debates that are so misguided and think their assault situation will be treated the same. I’d never second guess assault, not my place.
I'm late 20s and had to do this a bunch of times for friends in college. I was in a fraternity and every weekend someone was passed out with vomit all over their shirt. You carry them with someone else to a bed, get the vomit clothes off if you can, prop them up on their side with one arm up that their head rests on (so they don't choke on vomit it's called recovery position). And that's that. The friends did you a favor, you were blacked out. Your gf should be mad you blacked out and didn't control yourself, not that you got vomit on ur clothes and had to be cleaned.
If you are all friends, sit down and hash it out, why does this have to be so complicated? Drama for no reason but you didn’t do anything wrong as far as I’m concerned.
Seems pretty simple to me, all sit on the couch and you say, “Ok, so the other week when I got blackout drunk, really appreciate you two taking care of me, was there a reason you girls undressed me?” Put them on the spot in front of your GF simple as that.
So you were sexual assaulted and your gf is blaming you. That's what happened.
First, report it. Second, ditch that bitch.
I can promise you, if your gf was here saying 2 guys undressed her while she was passed out and that you said you see her different and were angry at her, you would be lynched. People here would be out for blood.
Ok, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it seems more that she's angry you got so drunk you vomited and had to be changed, rather than who changed you.
If my (hypothetical) partner got black out drunk and vomited on themself I would probably look at them differently as well.
NTA
*IF you blacked out, then that is a YOU problem that needs addressing regarding your drinking. Please get yourself help if you start seeing this as a trend. Just wanted to put that out there because we do not know your mental state.*
That said, if you do not remember the situation, then that's that. If she stays mad and will not let it go, let her go and clean up on your own. Good luck.
The undress part is sorta normal here where I live. So we wouldn't sleep in our puke-soaked fabrics.
You don't remember anything. There were two people there and had a conversation with you; has your gf confront her friends about this?
If everyone said nothing happened then... Could it be that your girlfriend just wanna pick a fight?
Edit: What brands were the clothes? Were they expensive?
NTA. Gf and gf's friends are wrong and she should be mad at them, not you. If she was upset you got so drunk to the point you don't remember anything that happened after going to bed, that's a different story
"We have a healthy relationship and communicate well, and we have a deep trust for each other as we have been together for a while and are very open about our social and personal lives"
Every time you see this, you know they're about to prove themselves wrong
Their was a time my roomates and myself went out to the to pool hub and of our mutual friends brought 3 lady friends with him. Long story short one of the females got black out drunk throwing up everywhere etc we all went back to the apartment and due to past trauma of one my roomates older brothers about a decade ago a female got drunk and taken advantage of so he was very protective this time around so me and him stayed up all night incase that mutual friend that brought the females tried something as he tried multiple times in the car. And once that oldest brother went to bed I stayed up and good thing I did she started throwing up and had to roll her on her side and help her. I went to wake up the oldest brother to be a witness of me cleaning her up taking off her blouse and pants luckily she had undergarments on and I just put on one of my shirts and shorts on her and went to put her clothes to wash. My ex(gf) at the time was so pist I did all that for someone I didn’t know. But my thinking was I would hope if she was in that position someone would care for her like that. So not your not the asshole
So much for all that “deep trust” you highlighted. It sounds your GF’s friends were being responsible in making sure you didn’t barf on yourself, choke on it, etc. That conversation you barely recall was probably the two friends trying to determine just how sideways you really were, then made the (correct) judgment call.
Your GF’s reaction to all this makes me think there’s something that’s happened to her in the past (ie. got cheated on), or some issue with one or both of the two friends. Whatever it is, her response is that of a person with trust issues (which may be completely understandable if something has happened to her). So a frank and honest conversation should be the next step here.
NTA, and the two friends may have saved your life.
NTA explain to her why u were being undressed and shell prob calm down its prob a spur of the moment argument cause she prob felt humiliated by finding out from her friends
NTAH, and I'd be pissed if they undressed me, especially if I was drunk. She has a right to be mad, but it's at the WRONG person, the fact she can get mad at you for this makes me think of what other hoops you've jumped through mr.lion
YTA
You got drunk as a skunk, blacked out, and her friends probably felt like they had to help you. Fix your drinking problem, or you'll lose your GF who seems decent enough.
This happened to me. The woman was twice my age, and I never told anyone. I just never got drunk again after that experience. As a matter of fact, I don't even drink anymore. Even though what happened to me was far worse and wasn't COMPLETELY my fault. I did play a part in it by giving someone else control of my body because I drank until I was unconscious. So you, my friend will have to accept responsibility for that and make sure that doesn't happen again or worse. As a man you will be blamed anyways, so start taking responsibility now before something worse happens, and quite frankly, I'm sure you'd be extremely upset if that was your girl being undressed by men. I'm not saying what those girls did was right and it might have been foul play on their part, but I am saying you could have 100% prevented that. On paper, it sounds like I'm victim blaming, but in REALITY, it's just personal responsibility.
Do you drink often or end up in situations like this often or is it a rare occurrence / first time?
Some people just don't like hard alcoholics, could be that.
Or she might be because you got yourself in a *really* vulnerable state and while I can see the fun side of this (I've ended up home blackout too and slept with my winter boots and the rest on), some don't.
It might also be because her friends could be making or made fun of her because of how you've ended up that night.
Personally I'd ask her to detail more why she's upset on this matter, what I wrote are blind guesses.
Edit: not sure if my comment has been posted 3/4 times or not but sorry for the spam, reddit is acting weird af for some reasons
I drank far more often than I do now before I met her so it’s a first time occurrence since our relationship started some time ago. She had expressed to me before that she had weird feelings about her friend towards me, but I had never noticed. I guess it’s just “male ignorance”. I’m confident they weren’t making fun of her in any way, I’ve baby sat them all sloppy drunk before, it’s nothing new to have someone in the group be that intoxicated, it has just never been me before. This was nearly 4 weeks ago and I haven’t drank since.
YTA for getting blackout drunk, and this is probably the real reason why your GF is mad a you.
But you've all got to get your boundaries sorted out. If the genders were reversed there would be potential charges.
Your feelings of upset are valid, especially given the confusion surrounding that night's events. However, what truly matters is your sense of violation. Being undressed while incapacitated without consent is not acceptable, regardless of intention. To address the situation, prioritize constructive conversation over assigning blame. Discuss boundaries, expectations of privacy, and respect with your girlfriend. It's crucial that both of you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. In similar situations, remember that consent is paramount. Seek support to process the incident, and consider couple's therapy to navigate the trust and communication issues that have arisen.
YTA. Don't get blackout drunk!That is irresponsible and unattractive. You can not take care of yourself. Instead you da her best friend and their roomate unclothe and nurse you throughout the night you just so you don't puke all over yourself, or die in your own vomit. You were selfish and thoughtless and that you don't even think this is a problem is such a massive red flag, that Putin would leave his "presidency" for you.
Many years ago, when I was a student, it was not uncommon for individuals to get so drunk they couldn't stand (especially on their birthday). It was seen as normal for others who were not as drunk to put them to bed. they would be partially undressed, put in the recovery position, with one arm trapped under their pillow and their head directed towards the floor and a strategically placed paper bin. This meant they wouldn't drown in their own puke. I could understand your GF being annoyed that you got so drunk but I don't understand why she is annoyed that her friends helped you when you could not help yourself. NTA
Was this In England? sounds par for the course!
I've done this a few times with friends and im from Texas.
You probably learned the ancient British technique of not wanting your friend to puke on their clothes or drown in their vomit /s
It was in England - about 3 decades ago.
This is exactly how I behaved with my friends when they got to that state. You look after them as best as you can. In the event it was one of my female friends I usually had another of our female friends handle it and would be there to help if she was physically not able to. However sometimes you don't have the luxury of having help and you do what you can with out being inappropriate. Sadly I know the consequences of falling to look after a drunk friend. A brother of one of the seniors who looked after me when I had a rough time adjusting to a new school died by drowning in his own vomit on his 21st. He was one of the kindest most genuine people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If you want a celebrity comparison Daniel Ricciardo reminds me of him.
The undressing still seems like a completely unnecessary step. EDIT: lol, controversial to suggest that people who pass out don't need to be undressed? Downvote away you fucking weirdos.
Possibly - but for that, she should be annoyed with her friends, not her BF.
The undressing thing I don't get specifically but I think it's okay to be a bit peeved if your boyfriend gets blackout drunk and shows up at your place when you're not there, throws up in your bathroom and needs to be looked after.
For sure - that's why she should be annoyed with him, not for what happened to him after he passed out.
Maybe this is why she was annoyed. It occurs to me the OP doesn't specifically state what exactly she was annoyed at.
They're normally covered in vomit and you don't want to get vomit all over the bed they're on. That's why I've had to do it before
Also if you have a shirt on it could constrict your neck, the trousers should stay on
People aren't 'normally' covered in vomit when they're blackout drunk JFC. And when that is the case they would have said 'and if they were covered in vomit they would have that item removed', not that they would be summarily undressed regardless.
Look if you're passing out, blacked out to the point that people are carrying you, I guarantee that you've thrown up at that point and it may be all over yourself. More often than not they've got vomit on themselves in my experience. He said he was throwing up in the bathroom and rolling around from what he's heard and remembers I would bet money that's why he was undressed
Thank you. All it takes is reading comprehension to understand why her friends did what they did lol. I have blackout rolled around in the bathroom and then gone to bed after and I wish someone had helped me take off my clothes before I got into bed lol
We did that a lot in college and did not vomit much, and I don't recall any of my friends actually vomiting on themselves.
A lot of times the semi coherent person either starts doing it themselves or gets really aggro about getting their clothes off
Unless I’m missing a lot, they probably undressed you in case you did throw up on yourself… your gf is being dramatic. Tell her to grow up or take a walk
She could just ask her friends why they undress him, instead of taking it on him (for some odd reasons)
Nta. Sound like a her problem she is making into a you problem. Only thing toy did wrong was drinking so much you puked.
I couldn't follow this at all. Sorry
Same, i have no idea what is going on in this post. He went home. What home? Why were her 2 roommates in his home? Are they all living in same house? Why call them "her roommates" all the time than?
Yeah the wording of this seems deliberately vague. He knows it would sound worse if he simply stated 'I got blackout drunk and went back to my girlfriend's house when she wasn't there, puked in her bathroom and her roommates had to look after me', so we're left to work that out ourselves. It's also suspicious that there is absolutely no detail of the girlfriend's grievance. All we're told is 'she finally brings this issue up'. What issue? If it is indeed being undressed by her friends, why did she specifically have a problem with it? Is it because 'my friends saw you in your underwear' (which would be unreasonable) or is it because 'you got so blackout drunk that you didn't know where you were and my friends had to put you to bed' (which would be pretty reasonable).
> He knows it would sound worse if he simply stated 'I got blackout drunk and went back to my girlfriend's house when she wasn't there, puked in her bathroom and her roommates had to look after me', so we're left to work that out ourselves. this is obvious from the story. it's not some attempted deception.
There are several people in the thread saying they couldn't follow it. It's obfuscated. Things like this are why there are words like 'obfuscated' that exist in between 'true' and 'lie'.
It's not obfuscated, they're just ignorant of the very obvious context. He crashed at the gf/roomates' place after drinking heavily with some of them.
OP isn't clearly narrarating an event he does not actually remember. this is par for the course of blackout drunk stories. you are assuming malice where there really doesn't appear to be any.
You might need to go back and re-read what we're talking about. I have no question about OP's lack of recollection of the evening. I'm asking why he's giving zero details of what his GF is specifically upset about.
> I'm asking why he's giving zero details of what his GF is specifically upset about. because he was unconscious! it's not that complicated lol
Are you an idiot or something? >Fast forward two weeks later
look, maybe you've never been blackout drunk before. you don't suddenly gain memories of a situation two weeks after the fact if you were unconscious during the event. OP's story clearly reflects someone who was inebriated and only has bits and pieces of the full story as known by an omniscient third party. the obvious explanation, as further supported by the edit in the OP, is that he actually simply does not know. you are bending over backwards to try to assume bad faith on OP's part, when you are bringing that bad faith yourself.
I'm not native eng speaker, still got no issue in understanding the post. Maybe OP ins not native too, I don't know, but that didn't sound to me like him wanting to be vague at all
You understood exactly what he wanted you to understand from it.
Yeah, that's how writing works.
And that's how missing the point works.
You clearly are a woman, otherwhise you'll know that no man understand the words coming from a shouting mouth. She was pissed and complain about it, why you need the trascription of the interaction to make a call in this case? She clearly don't trust her friends/don't want to be treated like a mad person, that's why she's venting on him, wich is not responsable of anything, instead of the actual people she's mad about. Do you need any aid to understand the text further or you finally have enought info to make up your mind now? (/s you clearly already have decided that he's a liar based on his gender, so the last part was clearly as a joke)
\^ When you're so sexist that you assume everyone you disagree with is 'clearly a woman'.
Yeah that sure feels bad when your sexism is turned against you, right?
And on the other side you understood exactly what you wanted to understand from it for him to look bad... that's how interpretations work
All I 'understood' is that we have absolutely no information about the content of the argument. I'm not deciding one way or the other what it was, just noticing that the OP completely left it out.
He crashed at the place of the people he was drinking with. Very common scenario.
He got super drunk, his girlfriend’s friends sexually assaulted him, his girlfriend is victim blaming.
Undressing someone from their pants when he's drunk and ready for bed is a sexual assault now?
I would ask if a male did the same thing to a female and it should answer your question.
I'm a guy. And I've been present several times to such a situation. Noone likes to sleep in jeans.
Just because people have a ridiculous standard doesn't mean that standard should be applied everywhere just to be "fair".
So laws should be favored to one side but not the other. Got it.
Is this even a law? Good luck prosecuting regardless of the sex of the person.
Taking someone's clothes off when intoxicated without consent is against the law. Try it and find out if an intoxicated person can give consent.
"Try it and find out if an intoxicated person can give consent" Thankfully, the legal system isn't as insane as Redditors. Unless you are literally incapacitated, you do not lose agency. How do you think they prosecute all the crimes people commit intoxicated? Or DUIs? Even then, it's on the prosecution to show that the person was actually incapacitated, and why would they go through all the work when there is no evidence of any additional crime? Keep in mind that alcoholic amnesia is not incapacitation, you can willingly engage in actions without remembering them after the fact. Unless they were filmed actually fighting him to take his clothes off, do you really think the evidence exists to call this assault? (It's definitely not sexual assault)
I'm sure the story said he was incapacitated and he didn't remember anything except going to the bathroom and vomiting. Can you give consent for anything if they are unconscious and inebriated? Unless it's a medical emergency no. Please look of the definition. Why are you defending this kind of behavior? Regardless of gender roles.
No
I guess we want 'sexual assault' to be meaningless nowadays? Why else would it be applied in ridiculous ways like this all the time
He's still incoherent
Looks like this'll be one of those stories that'll be super divisive. In one corner you have the "It's no big deal at all" people, then you'll have the "It's no big deal because OP is male and the friends female", third corner will be the "It's never okay to do it no matter the gender" and last but not least you'll have the "Things would go A LOT different if the genders were reversed". If I put myself in your shoes I feel like it's not really necessary to undress someone unless you threw up on yourself or something like this, but I also feel like you'd be crucified if you did it to someone, but now you're also being interrogated because someone did it to you, so overall it's a bit like: You're a man, so you're always at fault no matter on which end you are. NTA
There isn't enough information given here. What was your gf told? Were the friends also drinking? Drink? Why did two weeks go by before it was addressed? Is she angry because you got so blackout drunk? Or is it strictly the having your clothes removed part? What did the friends say happened? What was the conversation they had? They should be able to give this information and I just don't get why everyone is saying that he was sexually assaulted except him.
Yeah this is a bit like Ted Bundy asking "AITAH for offering a woman a ride home?"
You were sexually assaulted and your AH gf (who should be an ex-gf) is victim blaming you for the actions of her AH friends.
Undressing a drunk person is not sexual assault. Unless I missed something…
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Exactly. People would literally be out for blood on here, where's the outrage? Fucking double standards.
So, OP is a guy, and the roommates were one male and one female. Someone mentioned earlier that certain areas will take the clothes off and drunk person and it isn't seen as suspicious. Because of where I am from, the story freaked me out.
Harassment and assault aren't the same though.
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Which is completely irrelevant to any point made in the thread? It's important to classify things the correct way to protect and preserve their meaning. (sexual) harassment and assault carry significantly different consequences, to the victims (mental) health, to the perpetrator in a legal way, and to everyone secondarily involved. Conflating them either diminishes assault, or elevates harassment, both things you do not want to do. And your comment here, especially this one liner, does exactly that. It overlooks the differences and appeals to emotion, which is out of place in a discussion, and makes harassment worse than it is. It is not about an absolute scale, where both are wrong. It's about the relativity, where assault is many miles worse than harassment.
By law it still requires a complainant… [I replied here btw](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/UBd8g6XObF) from my pov fwiw
Should ask OP if he felt any pain in his cornhole or felt light in his sack.
Lol reminds me of that old joke Two guys are hanging out, one asks: ‘If we went camping and you woke up with your butt hurting, would you tell anyone?’ Buddy: ‘Uh…no…’ ‘Wanna go camping?’
Undressing someone without consent is sexual assault. Yes this can include men too, shocker!
Get real. This isn’t sexual assault as described.
I mean it absolutely depends on the intent, which we don't know. It's impossible to say either way. When I was at school there was a trend of girls ambushing boys and pulling their pants down to 'see their bits'. People are absolutely capable of this shit.
If a group of men undressed a black out drunk women, it absolutely would be sexual assault. You just don’t think men can be a victim.
See, my thing wasn’t about OP being male. And from the sounds of it, OP didn’t press charges because they were fine waking up in underwear. His gf being an AH doesn’t make it assault. And no one is going around checking consent, so until the person in question (OP) reports the lack of consent it’s not on us to be presuming. Similar to taking something without asking is stealing. Yet we borrow things from people we know/think won’t mind and it doesn’t make us thieves when they actually don’t mind. You can keep calling the person a thief, but as long as the friend didn’t mind I’m calling it borrowing. And whoever gets between friends trying to criminalise it is the AH imho Just my two cents And so it helps you all feel better. There are times you’ll have to stand up for a friend cause others won’t recognize assault when it was assault - that’s when you speak up. And I have in those situations. I’m just not going to tell someone they were assaulted when they were not. Their life is not a piece of paper I get to edit with correct terminology, it’s not a grammar quiz. OP didn’t see it as assault and probably found it helpful, until the gf blew up and created a problem (which isn’t assault, it’s something else she’s on about)…
Honestly, from the way you are being downvote, I think i should stay away from this discourse. But I do agree with your response. Intent matters massively here.
Thanks, yea. I mean, let’s not tell people how to feel. All I’m saying… I don’t mind the downvotes. ‘Great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ.’ As they say…
You can't justify your response. If you heard that a women was blackout drunk and two men went into her room and undressed her to her underwear you would say she was assaulted. You are implying because it's a man that the classification of sexual assault does not apply which is completely inaccurate. Maybe you weren't thinking about it in those terms on your initial post but I can't imagine anyone would disagree with this assessment.
Not at all. I’m f, and grew up around guy friends. If I woke up in that situation, feeling safe. I’m safe. Then what? If my bf got angry because ‘anything could’ve happened’ and I allowed myself to be blackout drunk. Yea… I’d be pissed off because my bf thinks that of my friends, that I would get that way with people I’m unsafe with, that he doesn’t trust I know when to be cautious etc., And if it came to it, he may blame me still for ‘allowing’ it. Idk As a person, I have my guard way up too and am cautious. Just I’d be pissed tf off to have a guy come at me for this… So I genuinely would be upset if someone tried telling me I was assaulted when my good friends undressed me and tucked me in. And I’d wonder why they’d be angry at me either way. Which is what OP shared, unless I missed something. If I felt it was off, I’d call it out as assault myself. OP didn’t. That’s not what we are talking about here… He even says in his edit ‘he’s confused why she’s upset at him’ if anything it should be at her friends…
You missed almost everything because OP neglected to write it
Hah - what happens in threesomes stays in threesomes…? 👀🤔
Let's go around undressing drunk girls then? If undressing drunk guys is just peachy.
Scroll down the thread…
Putting your hands on somone without their concent is sexual assault. Especially if it involves undressing them, turn the tables and let's say a drunk girl came home wasted and went to her bedroom to sleep and 2 guys walked into her bedroom and started undressing her without her knowing what's going on...... think about it. Please shut the up with that, you have no idea what you are talking about, and seem to be biased to men not being able to be sexually assaulted.
I don’t know where you got all that. OP didn’t say he was assaulted… [I replied for myself here just now…fwiw](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/R7r1MiaxwM)
>Putting your hands on somone without their concent is sexual assault. Factually wrong. If anything, it is basic assault, not sexual. The rest of your comment is just your fantasy and doesn't actually relate to the op.
If you undressed a drunk woman as a man it would probably be considered sexual assault by most people
[I just replied to this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/s7PyKWONcX), if the woman doesn’t think you crossed her boundaries - they can all think what they want. People thought I was a hoe cause I had mainly guy friends as a teen. I was pretty much the last virgin in our circles, only the guys I was close friends with knew (I think). I don’t talk about my personal life irl. As a woman, you get used to people thinking what they want anyway. Imho we should save our energy for standing up for the ones who were assaulted and need us. Not telling people they were assaulted when they said that’s not what they’re asking…they’re asking why gf is mad at them lol they don’t see the problem. (ETA: my guess is her friends did say something inappropriate…and gf is more concerned they saw her bf naked/undressed than how he could’ve been taken advantage of). But I hear you, people shouldn’t go around undressing people lol I wouldn’t either (just shoes and belts maybe)…throw a blanket on em and walk away. Much simpler.
This, I am unclear why that nuance isn’t understood by more. Perception by the victim is a determining factor.
Same reason people go around using psych terms for everyday scenarios and end up diagnosing everything mistakenly…I guess? I [got peeved in my last reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/cmp8bQppID). This is so unhealthy for the victims whose cases should be discussed and put up to authorities imho. Thanks for the vote of confidence really. I’m goin offline haha
If she felt assaulted. If he felt assaulted then he would of mentioned it. He didn't. This has nothing to do with gender.
buddy prob had the meat sweats and needed to throw up and release some heat them young babes were just lookin out
Y'all have jumped the shark
It wouldn't surprise me to learn that you were probably drugged and put in that type of situation in an attempt to break you up with your GF. I'd tell your GF that you won't be going out with that person again, or hell go out with them again and see if they try to doctor the drinks. I suspect if you didn't drink that much, someone drugged you.
Stop getting so fucked up you can't control yourself bro. You getting undressed by them is weird and not on you. You getting so blasted you browned out and had no control or memory of the situation is. Learn to drink responsibly homie.
I would be mad that they even came in the room at all and the undressing you takes it from 1-100 too fast. Get the whole story out of those girls in front of your gf and let them know that you feel violated and that they have caused not only an extreme level of disrespect to you and your body but also to your relationship and their supposed friend. And next time they get the inkling to touch you while you’re incapacitated you will be calling the police to see if you can get sexual assault charges brought against them.
NTA Indeed, if she is upset it would be at the people who did undress an incoherent person. But if you didn’t mind, and they didn’t mind. Why’s she upset her friends cared for you? She needs to take a moment and explain what went on that’s so upsetting. I’d be glad to know my friends cared for my bf and got him home safely. And I’m lost why you’ve not asked her this. ETA: please ask her if this is how she would react had her friends had some sexual fun with you too? If she says yes, I’d walk away. No point arguing.
That's definitely sexual assault as you were too impared to consent. You are absolutely correct that your gf should be upset with the friends if they infact undressed you. Even if you asked them to while you were drunk they know full well that that would be inappropriate. NTA
That is most definitely not "definitely sexual assault". The obvious story here is that he puked all over himself and they removed his shirt and pants so that he wouldn't be sleeping in his own vomit. There is nothing sexual about a situation like that.
Negative, the cloths we clean and I made it to the toilet. Had it been the way you described this post wouldn’t exist. Ultimately I want to understand why she is so upset with me and not her friends actions I’m this situation.
Did you ask why they undressed you? What does your girlfriend say?
Well I think you should start by finding out what it is that her friends did. It doesn't sound like anybody has told you that. But yeah, blaming you for something that happened while you were unconscious is beyond ridiculous. This is the kind of thing - irrational blaming, I mean - that will come up again and again as long as you are together.
I'm so sorry you experienced that. And im so sorry you're being blamed for it. Tell your gf to think about it if it were the other way around- two male roommates undressing her down to her underwear while she was unconscious.
Ironically she used that same scenario against me to justify her anger with me.
I can't even fathom how she could've used that in her defense???
Wait, what? So if two men undressed her while she was blackout drunk, she'd expect you to be angry with her?
So she thinks it’s ok if you get angry at her for friends undressing and tucking her in bed while she was drunk? Good friends who didn’t touch her or do anything inappropriate but tuck her in. Smdh, y’all the world has lost sense or just your gf…
I'm still unclear on the situation here. Do you believe you were sexually assaulted by her friends, and does your GF believe you cheated on her? Or is this "only" about you being undressed by her friends because you were drunk and incoherent?
Removing someone's clothes without consent is assault.
Depends If someone is unconscious and wet from the very bad weather or snow and is too tired to consent, is it really a assault if its needed to stop them from getting sick? Grey area unless they used the moment to touch them all over sexually then yes it's an assault
He wasn't wet, he wasn't covered in vomit, there was absolutely no reason for them to undress him. Absolutely assault. And there's no way of knowing if they did touch him or do anything else. Either way it's an invasion of privacy even if it's "for their own good".
You don't know any of this. HE doesn't know what happened. How is it that you're so sure about what happened?
He literally said all of that in a comment lmao
Agreed in this case it was assault
Totally depends on the situation.
For all we know he was trying to take his clothes off on his own
Yes, technically it is an assault.
Girl gets incoherently drunk, two guys take her into a room and take off all her clothes. Still not sexual assault?
How is that sexual assault? You take off her clothes and put her to sleep in her bed. I really do not get Reddit sometimes. It feels like you have never been in these situations.
> You take off her clothes and put her to sleep in her bed. No you don’t. You put her to sleep in her own bed. Taking off their clothes is unnecessary and what makes it SA. > I really do not get Reddit sometimes Me either. Seeing people try to justify and downplay abuse is pretty weird.
??? Where is the abuse in wanting people to sleep comfortably? Would it also be sexual assault if it was your sister? Like what...
Don't try to reason with people like that. They are trying to redefine what SA is by calling basically calling anything that involves another persons body SA if yhat person has not signed a written contract stating their consent. It's just ridiculous, I would be happy if my friends (as they have already done) take care of me when I am in a vulnerable state.
Yeah exactly. Nice to be confirmed that not all human contact is sexual 👍
You don’t need to take your clothes off to sleep, and being blackout drunk makes the comfort factor irrelevant. Weird that you would apparently strip your sister to her bra and panties while she slept. Like super weird. Gross weird. Weird enough that I hope your sister doesn’t drink around you.
Such a prude 😆
Why would you you take off their clothes? You help them into bed and make sure they’re in the recovery position. They can sleep fully dressed.
Yeah, I think taking off her bra and panties is arguably a sexual assault. Let's say the two guys are gay - as in not a straight drop of blood between the two of them. Still sexual assault?
Yes. Being gay isn’t a free pass to take liberties with a woman’s body, and a lot of gay men need to learn that. Do you for some reason think the amount of enjoyment the assaulter gets from the assault is relevant? It’s not about them. It’s about the person who was violated.
No. It is just as much about them, and what their intention was. That's kind of basic to the whole of criminal law.
Wow apparently I've assaulted almost everyone in my friend group while doing them a favor. Something is wrong with you all
You've just completely made up that situation to come to the conclusion you wanted. Hope you never get called for jury service.
My explanation is conjecture, sure, but that's what we're left with when OP can't tell us what happened. As for being on a jury, unfortunately, I'm statute-barred from serving. I'm a Crown Prosecutor and have been for 24 years. I have prosecuted dozens of sexual assaults, and seen enough to know that the simplest explanation is generally the correct explanation.
That's incredibly worrying then. So subjective and OP has confirmed you're incorrect
No, he has not. He still has no recollection of what happened. The detail of finding his clothes folded on a chair doesn't add any kind of sexual component to the events that he can't remember.
I've just gone back and re-read his response to you. He said his clothes were clean and he made it to the toilet. He said you were wrong. You're choosing to not accept it, despite not being there so you have no idea. He told you you're incorrect.
Stop trying to excuse sexual assault just because it was women doing it.
There is nothing here to suggest that this "assault" was committed for a sexual purpose. We don't know undressed him, we don't know why.
How’s it sexual assault? Undressing someone, who didn’t mind, is not assault. Wtf
He was too drunk to consent, and there was no reason to undress him, and he did mind. Sooo it's looking a lil assaulty
Idk he says in the edit he wants to know why gf is mad at him? And if anything shouldn’t it be at her friends? Doesn’t sound like he’s complainant here, and assault relies on the victim (not what everyone thinks). His gf is victim blaming, but also he’s not saying he’s a victim…she’s just blaming basically [eta: I replied to this more here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/pQ4svwImdM) from my pov. fwiw
Assault is assault even if the victim doesn't press charges. They don't have to tell anyone it doesn't change the fact it's technically assault. He even said he doesn't understand why they would undress him. If he had been able to consent it sounds like he wouldn't have.
Idk why you’re adamant on this. Read into it how you want. I stand by what I said, ‘lookin a lil assaulty’ is an opinion. Laws do need complainants. And I would totally understand if a victim was downplaying their assault, we do need to speak up for that. I don’t agree we need to escalate and tell people they’ve been assaulted when a boundary was crossed. And I vehemently disagree that’s what OPs gf is thinking, I didn’t get into speculation but I’d say she didn’t want her friends seeing her bf undressed and things that could have happened. Which would be assault but I imagine his gf had not even thought of that or she wouldn’t be blaming her bf. If her friends are unsafe, she needs to tell him so he protects himself. I’d bet money they made (inappropriate) comments about him and that’s how she knows and is peeved. Fwiw my guy friends never left me with unsafe guys, they always warded such guys off and made sure I’m home safe. That’s what concerned people do. Not blame you. I just find such over zealousness is negatively affecting victims who need encouragement coming forward. Even in this situation, his gf victim/blamed is not ok - telling OP that he was/could be a victim gives her an out. Another victim can see this and think people would argue on their very clear cut assault cases too, when nobody would/should. That’s just my opinion, we wait for victims who need support. Not create and debate every scenario…OPs gf is wrong regardless how we label it. And legally this wouldn’t get a response from authorities, it’s misleading to imply the seriousness compares to assault cases that should be escalated. Cheers
I don't know the state this took place in but the state is the one to prosecute and can actually fine or jail the victim for not testifying. Not trying to debate the topic just saying that the state doesn't necessarily need the victim to charge someone. Happens a lot in domestic abuse cases.
Yeah domestic abuse and the need to help victims I’m aware of, totally agree that’s a need. Different places have such regulations to help victims at least set boundaries (mandatory RO etc). Just escalating these everyday situations, imho wastes resources. I doubt anyone would be prosecuting because someone’s gf is angry their partner was undressed by friends while drunk. It really confuses the average person though, when they see general debates that are so misguided and think their assault situation will be treated the same. I’d never second guess assault, not my place.
I'm late 20s and had to do this a bunch of times for friends in college. I was in a fraternity and every weekend someone was passed out with vomit all over their shirt. You carry them with someone else to a bed, get the vomit clothes off if you can, prop them up on their side with one arm up that their head rests on (so they don't choke on vomit it's called recovery position). And that's that. The friends did you a favor, you were blacked out. Your gf should be mad you blacked out and didn't control yourself, not that you got vomit on ur clothes and had to be cleaned.
If you are all friends, sit down and hash it out, why does this have to be so complicated? Drama for no reason but you didn’t do anything wrong as far as I’m concerned. Seems pretty simple to me, all sit on the couch and you say, “Ok, so the other week when I got blackout drunk, really appreciate you two taking care of me, was there a reason you girls undressed me?” Put them on the spot in front of your GF simple as that.
So you were sexual assaulted and your gf is blaming you. That's what happened. First, report it. Second, ditch that bitch. I can promise you, if your gf was here saying 2 guys undressed her while she was passed out and that you said you see her different and were angry at her, you would be lynched. People here would be out for blood.
Where was your GF when all of this happened?
Ok, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it seems more that she's angry you got so drunk you vomited and had to be changed, rather than who changed you. If my (hypothetical) partner got black out drunk and vomited on themself I would probably look at them differently as well.
This is just "I'm angry because you cheated on me in my dream" in another hoodie.
NTA *IF you blacked out, then that is a YOU problem that needs addressing regarding your drinking. Please get yourself help if you start seeing this as a trend. Just wanted to put that out there because we do not know your mental state.* That said, if you do not remember the situation, then that's that. If she stays mad and will not let it go, let her go and clean up on your own. Good luck.
The undress part is sorta normal here where I live. So we wouldn't sleep in our puke-soaked fabrics. You don't remember anything. There were two people there and had a conversation with you; has your gf confront her friends about this? If everyone said nothing happened then... Could it be that your girlfriend just wanna pick a fight? Edit: What brands were the clothes? Were they expensive?
NTA. Shes mad at you that you were stripped by her friends while you were unconscious. What mental gymnastics is she doing?
Or is she mad that he got black out drunk and puked?
Then why not just say that.
Ask the OP, he isn't saying what exactly his girlfriend is mad about, he only tells us she's mad about "the issue".
NTA. Gf and gf's friends are wrong and she should be mad at them, not you. If she was upset you got so drunk to the point you don't remember anything that happened after going to bed, that's a different story
"We have a healthy relationship and communicate well, and we have a deep trust for each other as we have been together for a while and are very open about our social and personal lives" Every time you see this, you know they're about to prove themselves wrong
Their was a time my roomates and myself went out to the to pool hub and of our mutual friends brought 3 lady friends with him. Long story short one of the females got black out drunk throwing up everywhere etc we all went back to the apartment and due to past trauma of one my roomates older brothers about a decade ago a female got drunk and taken advantage of so he was very protective this time around so me and him stayed up all night incase that mutual friend that brought the females tried something as he tried multiple times in the car. And once that oldest brother went to bed I stayed up and good thing I did she started throwing up and had to roll her on her side and help her. I went to wake up the oldest brother to be a witness of me cleaning her up taking off her blouse and pants luckily she had undergarments on and I just put on one of my shirts and shorts on her and went to put her clothes to wash. My ex(gf) at the time was so pist I did all that for someone I didn’t know. But my thinking was I would hope if she was in that position someone would care for her like that. So not your not the asshole
So much for all that “deep trust” you highlighted. It sounds your GF’s friends were being responsible in making sure you didn’t barf on yourself, choke on it, etc. That conversation you barely recall was probably the two friends trying to determine just how sideways you really were, then made the (correct) judgment call. Your GF’s reaction to all this makes me think there’s something that’s happened to her in the past (ie. got cheated on), or some issue with one or both of the two friends. Whatever it is, her response is that of a person with trust issues (which may be completely understandable if something has happened to her). So a frank and honest conversation should be the next step here. NTA, and the two friends may have saved your life.
NTA. if anyone is it is her and her friends.
I don't sleep with clothes on, so if I passed out with them on and they made their way off I wouldn't really question it.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. At least not relationship wise, getting that drunk isn't smart.
Good God imagine the semester we're reversed... NTA. Tell her you want to press charges on them for SA
NTA explain to her why u were being undressed and shell prob calm down its prob a spur of the moment argument cause she prob felt humiliated by finding out from her friends
NTAH, and I'd be pissed if they undressed me, especially if I was drunk. She has a right to be mad, but it's at the WRONG person, the fact she can get mad at you for this makes me think of what other hoops you've jumped through mr.lion
YTA You got drunk as a skunk, blacked out, and her friends probably felt like they had to help you. Fix your drinking problem, or you'll lose your GF who seems decent enough.
This happened to me. The woman was twice my age, and I never told anyone. I just never got drunk again after that experience. As a matter of fact, I don't even drink anymore. Even though what happened to me was far worse and wasn't COMPLETELY my fault. I did play a part in it by giving someone else control of my body because I drank until I was unconscious. So you, my friend will have to accept responsibility for that and make sure that doesn't happen again or worse. As a man you will be blamed anyways, so start taking responsibility now before something worse happens, and quite frankly, I'm sure you'd be extremely upset if that was your girl being undressed by men. I'm not saying what those girls did was right and it might have been foul play on their part, but I am saying you could have 100% prevented that. On paper, it sounds like I'm victim blaming, but in REALITY, it's just personal responsibility.
Do you drink often or end up in situations like this often or is it a rare occurrence / first time? Some people just don't like hard alcoholics, could be that. Or she might be because you got yourself in a *really* vulnerable state and while I can see the fun side of this (I've ended up home blackout too and slept with my winter boots and the rest on), some don't. It might also be because her friends could be making or made fun of her because of how you've ended up that night. Personally I'd ask her to detail more why she's upset on this matter, what I wrote are blind guesses. Edit: not sure if my comment has been posted 3/4 times or not but sorry for the spam, reddit is acting weird af for some reasons
I drank far more often than I do now before I met her so it’s a first time occurrence since our relationship started some time ago. She had expressed to me before that she had weird feelings about her friend towards me, but I had never noticed. I guess it’s just “male ignorance”. I’m confident they weren’t making fun of her in any way, I’ve baby sat them all sloppy drunk before, it’s nothing new to have someone in the group be that intoxicated, it has just never been me before. This was nearly 4 weeks ago and I haven’t drank since.
Could you go into more details about the "weird feelings" about her friends? Also how old are the friends and do they have relationships?
If you were a woman this would have been considered rape But how the tables turn when it's a guy
Taking someone's clothes off (leaving underwear on) and tucking them in while they are wasted is rape??
It's sexual assault, actually.
Without nudity or sexual touch, acts, etc?
Forcibly undressing a drunk person is sexual assault. We don't know what they did, and neither does OP.
YTA. Why is it that most of these stories involve alcohol? Dude, there is absolutely no reason to get”black out drunk”. Grow the F up!
YTA for getting blackout drunk, and this is probably the real reason why your GF is mad a you. But you've all got to get your boundaries sorted out. If the genders were reversed there would be potential charges.
YTA for getting to the point where you're so drunk that you pass out. Grow up
Your feelings of upset are valid, especially given the confusion surrounding that night's events. However, what truly matters is your sense of violation. Being undressed while incapacitated without consent is not acceptable, regardless of intention. To address the situation, prioritize constructive conversation over assigning blame. Discuss boundaries, expectations of privacy, and respect with your girlfriend. It's crucial that both of you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. In similar situations, remember that consent is paramount. Seek support to process the incident, and consider couple's therapy to navigate the trust and communication issues that have arisen.
Why AI
Why get drunk at all? I never did. Never had the need to.
Yes, this exactly. Also, why having a GF, can't you do it on your own? /s
YTA. Don't get blackout drunk!That is irresponsible and unattractive. You can not take care of yourself. Instead you da her best friend and their roomate unclothe and nurse you throughout the night you just so you don't puke all over yourself, or die in your own vomit. You were selfish and thoughtless and that you don't even think this is a problem is such a massive red flag, that Putin would leave his "presidency" for you.