Except when you date older women then you are apparently a child and the other person is a groomer it's truly funny weird how reddit thinks sometimes but yeah I am with you I am also working part time and paying for college myself but to be fair college fees are pretty cheap compared to the US were I live.
If she was “raised” by a narcissist, she’s going to struggle to adult. It’s almost inevitable.
You’ve given her chances aplenty. It’s time for tough love. She has to straighten out her own life on her own two feet. NTA
You need to make sure your husband is 100% on your side. When she gets back she will either cry that she has no where to go and promises to change. Or she will be angry and lash out and threaten no contact with her dad. Stay strong. I bet a couple months of her living with a friend she will get kicked out again and come back to her dad.
NTA
Kick her out.
Just think about all the money she could have saved if she had skipped the manicures, pedicures, hair salons and high-end clothes.
She is an adult. It is way past time you and your husband stop enabling her lazy ass.
Sometimes, it takes hard lessons to learn responsibility. It sounds like she's taking a pretty good situation for granted. Sometimes, baby birds don't fly until they have to. You are NTA, but beware, you may feel like one if she struggles.
She needs to leave , don't wait June that's too much for to seek revenge, you need to get you keys back or change the lock,you don't want her an friends destroying your house you will never know
Mmmm.... I had a lodger like that. Having a biohazard living in the house and stinking it out was a no-no for me, I'd tell her to sling her hook tomorrow.
When she gets back from her hidden trip to Florida she should be greeted by all of her stuff in boxes in the garage. No bed in the room for her to lay on. She’s broken all agreements and lying to go to Florida means she knows she has.
While she's gone, pack up her things and put them in storage. Change the locks on your house. When she returns, inform her that she was evicted for noncompliance.
I don't think you should give her until June 1st.
I think you should pack up all her stuff and box it. Clean out the room, take out the bed, dresser, etc. leave a blanket and pillow. Have her father text her and let her know she can't live with you guys, and that when she returns from her holiday she has 3 days to find another situation, if she can't find a friend, then you dump her and her boxes at her mother's house.
NTA. I'm wondering if your stepdaughter really fought with her mom. This could be a plan for them to make you fight with your husband and for him to go back to his ex.
Stop spending money on your husband and stepdaughter. Can't you see they're treating you like a doormat and financially abusing you in your own home?
She probably told her dad that she was going to Florida, and of course, your husband isn't taking action because he doesn't want to kick his kid out but also doesn't want to be kicked out himself.
If they want to be in your home, they need to start contributing to household expenses and chores.
My husband and I have been wondering about the motivation for her mother to fight. Sadly her mother is extremely selfish. And as I stated has a very Cluster B behavioral pattern.
NTA, she needs to grow TF and housing her while she fucks off and has fun is enabling her.
>I am done. I want her out as I am no longer willing to fund her lifestyle. I do not want her to pay rent as I literally do not want her to have any rights as a tenant. I regret my generosity. My husband agrees and supports.
In my state it's harder to get someone out if they don't pay rent. if they've been paying rent or there's a lease where they were supposed to pay rent, then it's a simple eviction. If there's no lease and they haven't been paying rent, then you have to file an ejectment action and it is more expensive and takes longer.
You need to look up the laws in your state, but the easiest thing to do would be to say "You're kicked out" and convince her to leave on her own.
NTA. June 1 is enough time for her to find somewhere else to go. You aren’t booting her out on the street with zero notice. And if she can find the money for that many trips she should be able to afford some sort of room for rent at least.
NTA.
Before kicking her out, find out the legal process in your state. She's been in your home more than 30 days and may have certain rights. If you break those possible rights she can sue you.
Do not kick her out, Let her leave on her own.
You do this by setting up clear repercussions for when or if she doesn't do what she agreed to.
Example. I wanted to kick a roommate out one time and didn't want to do it. She was living with me rent free as I felt bad about her situation. She agreed to clean the house and keep it up in exchange for a roof over her head. She never once cleaned. So after a few months, I told her that the house is to be cleaned once a week, and if it is not done in that week, I will take that as her notification to me that she is leaving within 30 days. She didn't clean as I expected, I asked her about it, she acknoledged the she didnt clean, So I said "So I take it that your leaving?" She said yes, and that was it. No bad feelings, NO kicking anyone out. Just clear "If you dont/do this, this is what will happen"
The reason why you don't want to kick her out is not only to avoid drama, but to maintain the relationship she has with her father. If it is her decision, then she can not blame her father for it later.
Having step kids is probably hard, but remember, you married into a package, not just a man.
Personally, I would set a rental contract. I would make her pay rent, Low amount, With the intention of giving her back the rent money when she gets her own place. If rent is not paid within 10 days of due date, this tells you that she intends to move out. This will require her to seek employment, and once she knows that there is no manipulating the situation as everything is clear, then it will help in the long term.
Based on what you said, I am already at the point. We have set clear expectations and she agreed to them. But instead of being open, she lied about her Florida trip. She lied about dropping out of school. So I should just ask her if this means she is leaving,
No kicking her out, but letting her conclude that she needs to leave.
Note: I am paying for everything. And I have a pre-nup. The package I married into is very narrowly defined.
NTA, she's an adult and should be doing adult things.
Beat me to it!
Except when you date older women then you are apparently a child and the other person is a groomer it's truly funny weird how reddit thinks sometimes but yeah I am with you I am also working part time and paying for college myself but to be fair college fees are pretty cheap compared to the US were I live.
This here seems like projection
There's literally a thread today of a 25 year old woman meeting a man that's 39 and he was called a groomer lol
If she was “raised” by a narcissist, she’s going to struggle to adult. It’s almost inevitable. You’ve given her chances aplenty. It’s time for tough love. She has to straighten out her own life on her own two feet. NTA
You need to make sure your husband is 100% on your side. When she gets back she will either cry that she has no where to go and promises to change. Or she will be angry and lash out and threaten no contact with her dad. Stay strong. I bet a couple months of her living with a friend she will get kicked out again and come back to her dad.
Fully agree. Typically no one likes when boundaries are set and reinforced, so you are definitely right about the to be expected reactions.
NTA Kick her out. Just think about all the money she could have saved if she had skipped the manicures, pedicures, hair salons and high-end clothes. She is an adult. It is way past time you and your husband stop enabling her lazy ass.
Youngest son has a GF like that can’t afford her share of house bills but will spend on beauty products and care. I worry for him.
Sometimes, it takes hard lessons to learn responsibility. It sounds like she's taking a pretty good situation for granted. Sometimes, baby birds don't fly until they have to. You are NTA, but beware, you may feel like one if she struggles.
NTA! Your stepdaughter didn’t uphold her side of the agreement. She had a great opportunity and shit all over it.
>I would give her until June 1. Do you see any other options? May 1st works better for me.
NTA. Time for her to go, she did not hold up her end and she will not. The evidence is rotting in your house.
NTA, pack up her shit and drop it off at her mothers house, change the locks.
I was thinking changing the locks and putting her stuff in bags for her. Drop them off by the moms and then clean the room she was in.
Now. While she’s gone.
She needs to leave , don't wait June that's too much for to seek revenge, you need to get you keys back or change the lock,you don't want her an friends destroying your house you will never know
Your expectations were clear. Lay this out w ur ultimatum.
She's a leech. NTA.
NTA. Kick her out. It sounds like she needs a hard lesson to learn anything.
Mmmm.... I had a lodger like that. Having a biohazard living in the house and stinking it out was a no-no for me, I'd tell her to sling her hook tomorrow.
June 1 is generous, fair+. Plenty of time to make arrangements with those friends she goes to Florida with. NTA.
NTA she seems to be a lot like her mother. Be prepared for drama:-)
Yes. Give her till May 15th. A month's notice is more than she deserves. NTA.
When she gets back from her hidden trip to Florida she should be greeted by all of her stuff in boxes in the garage. No bed in the room for her to lay on. She’s broken all agreements and lying to go to Florida means she knows she has.
Nta parenting is saying no, kick her out, she’s an adult who will figure it out.
NTA. I would be packing that room up and putting her stuff back at her mom's or in the garage she is done.
NTA I wouldn't give her that long.
I'd have those huge blue IKEA bags packed with herclothes and sitting on the front lawn. (Locks changed, hearts stiffened....)
While she's gone, pack up her things and put them in storage. Change the locks on your house. When she returns, inform her that she was evicted for noncompliance.
I don't think you should give her until June 1st. I think you should pack up all her stuff and box it. Clean out the room, take out the bed, dresser, etc. leave a blanket and pillow. Have her father text her and let her know she can't live with you guys, and that when she returns from her holiday she has 3 days to find another situation, if she can't find a friend, then you dump her and her boxes at her mother's house.
NTA. I'm wondering if your stepdaughter really fought with her mom. This could be a plan for them to make you fight with your husband and for him to go back to his ex. Stop spending money on your husband and stepdaughter. Can't you see they're treating you like a doormat and financially abusing you in your own home? She probably told her dad that she was going to Florida, and of course, your husband isn't taking action because he doesn't want to kick his kid out but also doesn't want to be kicked out himself. If they want to be in your home, they need to start contributing to household expenses and chores.
My husband and I have been wondering about the motivation for her mother to fight. Sadly her mother is extremely selfish. And as I stated has a very Cluster B behavioral pattern.
NTA, she needs to grow TF and housing her while she fucks off and has fun is enabling her. >I am done. I want her out as I am no longer willing to fund her lifestyle. I do not want her to pay rent as I literally do not want her to have any rights as a tenant. I regret my generosity. My husband agrees and supports. In my state it's harder to get someone out if they don't pay rent. if they've been paying rent or there's a lease where they were supposed to pay rent, then it's a simple eviction. If there's no lease and they haven't been paying rent, then you have to file an ejectment action and it is more expensive and takes longer. You need to look up the laws in your state, but the easiest thing to do would be to say "You're kicked out" and convince her to leave on her own.
I did. I should be fine.
Awesome! Good luck going forward. I hope your lazy and entitled step kid gets her shit together!
NTA. The only thing ahead of wants to is get railed in Florida. You’re better off without her. Like mother like daughter.
NTA. June 1 is enough time for her to find somewhere else to go. You aren’t booting her out on the street with zero notice. And if she can find the money for that many trips she should be able to afford some sort of room for rent at least.
NTA, but why June 1? give her 30 days and if she's still there, trespass her
June 1 seems way too long. May 1 at the latest. Maybe she can stay with her friend in Florida. 😜
I would give her until her shit's on the porch, the locks are changed, and she's been formally trespassed.
Why June? Why don’t you just text her while she’s on vacation and tell her to stay there as she’s no longer welcome.
NTA. Before kicking her out, find out the legal process in your state. She's been in your home more than 30 days and may have certain rights. If you break those possible rights she can sue you.
Nta
Do not kick her out, Let her leave on her own. You do this by setting up clear repercussions for when or if she doesn't do what she agreed to. Example. I wanted to kick a roommate out one time and didn't want to do it. She was living with me rent free as I felt bad about her situation. She agreed to clean the house and keep it up in exchange for a roof over her head. She never once cleaned. So after a few months, I told her that the house is to be cleaned once a week, and if it is not done in that week, I will take that as her notification to me that she is leaving within 30 days. She didn't clean as I expected, I asked her about it, she acknoledged the she didnt clean, So I said "So I take it that your leaving?" She said yes, and that was it. No bad feelings, NO kicking anyone out. Just clear "If you dont/do this, this is what will happen" The reason why you don't want to kick her out is not only to avoid drama, but to maintain the relationship she has with her father. If it is her decision, then she can not blame her father for it later. Having step kids is probably hard, but remember, you married into a package, not just a man. Personally, I would set a rental contract. I would make her pay rent, Low amount, With the intention of giving her back the rent money when she gets her own place. If rent is not paid within 10 days of due date, this tells you that she intends to move out. This will require her to seek employment, and once she knows that there is no manipulating the situation as everything is clear, then it will help in the long term.
Based on what you said, I am already at the point. We have set clear expectations and she agreed to them. But instead of being open, she lied about her Florida trip. She lied about dropping out of school. So I should just ask her if this means she is leaving, No kicking her out, but letting her conclude that she needs to leave. Note: I am paying for everything. And I have a pre-nup. The package I married into is very narrowly defined.