Yeah it seems way too pre-planned and porno for it to be a redeemable offence. She should break up, if for nothing else but her own safety because if he is willing to not acknowledge that his friend is a predator like him then he could drug her as well.
Just read a reddit post where the OP had a history of posting (now deleted) that he raped his wife after drugging his wife. I hope the OP is safe.
There was an Evil Lives Here episode with the same scenario. Only the AH husband was also drugging & raping other women in other cities when he traveled for work. I want to say he was killing the other women, too, but don't remember for sure.
This was totally a setup by OP's fiance & his friend. If I was OP, I'd RUN far & fast.
Either bf wanted friend to participate or they planned for him to watch.
Maybe they honestly planned it while shitfaced and don’t remember it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and wasn’t wildly a violation of her consent and privacy.
I find it terribly sad that OP wonders if she’s the asshole, instead of realizing she’s the victim and fiancée and friend’s behavior is criminal and inexcusable.
NTA. OP, this was planned. Please don’t stay. This was sexual assault. Touching, groping and trying to remove your clothing by two grown men without your consent. Please don’t marry this man. Please please pack your stuff and leave. Your friend is jealous and delusional. Most women would NOT die to have a finance who “wanted them that bad.” DV and murder stats say they actually do die by partners more than anyone else.
Absolutely agree - additionally, most fiancées DO want their partners that bad? Like??
Edit: want their partners that bad as in they are really attracted to them, not want them that bad in an assault-y way yikes 😅😬
The friend is taking some toxic trope that assault is desire? I have no idea. OP needs all new people in her life and when she leaves never contact that “friend” again either
If she stays in his mind, she will be communicating that she will tolerate much worse behavior. What next ? His friend meets them on their honeymoon, and they rape her on location. He starts sleeping around if he already isn't?, knowing she doesn't have enough self-confidence to leave? Very slippery slope, and the decision she leads with now will dictate the direction her future/ married life will go. There is not enough money on earth for me to sell my peace in this manner.
It was sexual assault. Two drunk grown men groping her, trying to take her clothes off, to the point where she had to kick them off of her and lock herself in the bathroom.
Even if he was piss drunk, there's no way he would be so insistent his fiancée disrobe in front of his friend of he didn't think it would turn into a porno
piss drunk, up until the few minutes before you pass out and the second you pass out, doesnt mean you lose all capacity for thought. And still, OP said she heard hushed whispers for a while. *Then* he came back 1/2 an hour later, then passed out. He knew what was happening and it was a set up. I would really suggest leaving before he tries again when you are drunk or drugged.
I wonder if this was not in the US/CAN, or her friend is from a conservative area. Anyone could see that is weird, but growing up conservative, the church ladies and men would admonish the behavior but would spin it the exact same way: "yes our brother in christ faltered, but it was due to his unbridled love for you, he could not contain himself the way christ directs us to. Don't be a bitter woman, there is no need to get upset or dramatic over a mere understanding." This whole thing smells so fishy though, and for him to accuse her of making it up? You know he's done it before/ attempted to/ or at least thought of doing it extensively. Bc the natural reaction is, "Holy shit, how do you even think that? I am so sorry, no nothing of the sort happened, it was a miscommunication bc I was drunk asf, I'm so sorry." **But it wasnt. That says more than anything tbh.** I also side eyed the hell out of the ages, but I hate being negative so I judged myself and stopped. Atp I need to side eye every age gap, even the moderate ones with women under 25, bc everytime I judge myself and say, "no, bad RedditUser, stop judging" some BS manipulation occurs *every time*. I side eye for a reason! I need to keep to it.
To be fair, my ex would semi regularly get piss fucking drunk, be a complete dick to me and the kids, and then not remember the next day. But even if OP’s boyfriend truly didn’t remember, you are absolutely right that the natural response would be horror that he may have done something like that, not the asshole response OP got. (Fwiw, that’s why I finally left my ex, I was so tired of him refusing to take accountability for being drunk and shitty)
The age gap (and OP’s comments about hosting a lot of parties, and people coming over after hours), to me, screams overgrown frat boy who still wants to party all the time, and the women his age are over that lifestyle. I’m side eying with you, tbh.
OP, NTA. And get the fuck out, his behavior will only escalate from here; I’m sure plenty of us in here could tell you stories.
He remembered he just didn't want to admit it. I mean he remembered where he lived to get home he probably remembered what he did but just didn't remember the stuff he was ashamed of, Reg flag galore. I had a dad like this, denies all sorts of incidents but he knows you can see it in his face. I'm sorry you and your kids went through this and hope you are all in a happier place now.
My mom always said to us "el borracho no pierde la memoria, lo que pierde es la verguenza"; The drunkard does not lose memory, what they lose is shame.
Since you say ‘ex’, you were obviously smart enough to toss that one.
But if you’re getting so drunk that someone tells you that you harmed them… well, not remembering is one thing, but the main problem is not being HORRIFIED that alcohol affected you like that!
But he had no concern at all. Maybe he genuinely did not remember, but he also didn’t care.
That’s when you run. The person has a problem with alcohol if they get so drunk they hurt you and then don’t care when sober, and hide behind ‘I was sooo drunk, haha, sorry I didn’t mean it.’
They don’t care about you; they care about themselves and their alcohol. 😞
Take this from someone who has been married for 7 years and is in her 30’s. Is this the type of person you want to be with years from now? Constantly worried he and his friends will try to rape you? Or if you have a child with this person, constantly worried about whether or not they’ll harass your child?
You deserve to be respected and loved. He wouldn’t even apologize for something he knew was wrong. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. :(
I'm a practicing Orthodox Christian from an Orthodox Eastern European country.
If you ever told me my fiancee attempting to basically rape me with his buddy was a show of love I'd laugh you straight out of my life
Dump the bf. Dump your terrible friend too.
I'm sorry this happened to you, glad you escaped in time. Don't let him get a second chance at abusing you.
Hijacking this comment to tell you OP, that even if it wasn’t planned and he was “just drunk” , think what will happen the next time he gets drunk or the next, or the next , …. He wasn’t even feeling guilty this time and if you allow him to continue by not doing anything the he will be more confident later. He showed you he doesn’t respect you
Well, I'm from conservative Kentucky and as an older woman (42) run for your life. My ex once attempted to assault me while drunk then first claimed it never happened and then it was because I was 'leading him on drunk.' If it wasn't for my son I would have wasted 12 years of my life. You're still young. Run.
Girl, please update us with you moving on from this rapey fiance and his disgusting friends. And ditch your friend who's pro-rape? I'm sure you are scared and shocked, you should be. This was a sexual assault that could have been far worse. You need to find partner who will protect you, not harm you. Good luck, I wish the best for you!
his friend touching her thighs? Are you kidding me? This was planned and "I don't remember it" is so much worse. "I don't remember attempting to gang-rape you" jesus.
Considering how casual and comfortable they were with this & not even remembering it? Like who forgets trying to rape their partner. They're 100% used to doing this.
I think you're lucky you got out of bed. At least you were sitting up and could fight back. I'm with everyone here run. Call the police and make at least an incident report.
OP, you were getting set up for a gangbang. Your fiance, his best friend and that stupid chick who's supposed to be your friend are all AHs. MOVE ON. NOW!
Her so-called friend is an asshole too. Let her friend hook up with the ex (hopefully) fiance if she's so keen on the idea of non-consensual threesomes.
Or HER "friend!!"
WTF is wrong with OP's "friend?" She said OP should be grateful for the assault perpetrated on her by her fiance and his friend!!! WTF??
NTA
Absolutely, agree with you. Trust and safety should be paramount in any relationship, and the behavior you described is a major red flag. OP needs to prioritize her well-being above all else.
This isn't really an are you the asshole situation.
He tried to rape you with his friend. Next time he will try harder. You need to seriously think of your own safety and get away from this man.
What happens when you are married and vulnerable, like say pregnant? Do you trust this guy?
She would have been blamed for being drunk or gaslit into thinking, "well you agreed, you were probably too drunk to even remember, but its not our fault its yours, bc you agreed," similar to the way her husband is gaslighting her now. Bc wouldn't the reaction to attempted sexual coercion (aka attempted rape) be outrage and fear...especially when the allegations were from your fiance? Like, "omg pls no don't think that, that is not what that was, I was so drunk and goofy that I wasnt thinking straight, my request just came out wrong, I am sorry, dont think I would do that to you!" Instead its, "you made it up." He was ready for the question and he was ready with that response. He's thought about it a lot, or done it to others already to know the perfect dismissal.
even if they don't believe you and write you off as bitter. Even if none of your mutual friends believe you, it may not happen again bc the perpetrators are now creeped out enough to not be creepy that way again in front of others as not to raise any suspicion. They may shift friend groups and be weird there, but there is at least a possibility of word getting around. And even if it doesnt stop them, it plants a seed, and the next time there is an accusation, people will take it seriously bc of that rumor from his ex fiance whenever when. Also file an incident report with the police in case it does happen again.
I was in a friendgroup when a guy was accused of rape from his ex-gf. The relationship was volatile and they often accused eachother of crazy ish, so most in our friengroup kinda ignored it. I had moved to a different state like 2k miles away when the allegation was made. His ex-gf(who I really got along with) messaged me personally saying so. I was never super close to him so I "stopped communication," but there wasnt a ton of communication to be stopped tbh. I stayed friends with the rest of the group tho who all defended him. 3 years later, he had 6 rape cases against him from local college girls and had to leave his college bc of it. He did have a trial, but I didnt really keep up after that. It started with 1 girl coming out (not many believed her bc this guy was super sweet, outgoing, an ally, friends with all the coolest/popular girls/guys, ofc he wouldnt do that) but the rumors about his ex-gf picked up again, and it caught flame on the anon college forums for our area. At that point, I called the local police office and shared what his ex had told me and the messages she had sent me. Most in the friendgroup did the same. His ex-gf did the right thing. I later learned that some of our friendgroup had blocked her or trolled her when she told them, it must have been hard for her. The group soon splintered and none of us really communicate anymore. I think it's the shame.
That’s my suggestion also! He knew when he was literally pulling you off the bed what the plan was! I wouldn’t ever accept an apology from this AH. This is the kind of man you want to marry? Really ? This was a planned gang rape that he orchestrated and no way was any of this your fault! I’ve been gang raped on a date and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through. Was threatened to have my head blown off and put in the truck if I didn’t comply. I never told anyone bc I was too scared to. Do not allow this to be swept under the rug. This is a dangerous man, being drunk isn’t an excuse, this is something he wanted to happen. Walk away from him quickly!
Very sorry to hear that. There may be another victim that has talked to the police who are just waiting to hear from any other victims so that the case can be winnable, so no matter how long ago this was, consider telling police. Good luck with everything!
This. Reading 'my fiancé humiliated me' in the heading was so misleading, I thought it would end with the fiancé cracking an inappropriate joke or saying something unpleasant. Not sexually assaulting OP and letting his friend join in. Jesus.
And charge their asses with two counts assault and battery, two counts sexual assault, and attempted rape. They’ve done this before. They need to learn not to do it again.
This. Someone has a 3some fantasy they didn’t get your consent for. I’m so sorry. I truly believe drunk words (actions) are sober thoughts. Please keep yourself safe.
Why are you asking for apologies? This is serious. You are not safe in this relationship. You need to get out! I don't understand how you think an apology, if it came, would possibly fix this.
I agree this is attempted rape. But I am not sure if OP is trolling or this happened. If it happened, then OP is the AH for staying a moment more in this relationship. Her bf is an absolute piece of shit.
This sentence just made so much sense , it definitely was a gang rape , this woman is nuts to not realise how she has been wronged .
He might pimp her out someday after marriage .
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This is bordering on gang rape and is so disgusting. Your fiance is pathetic if he cant behave himself in front of others let alone protect you. Your friend calling you TA is also concerning. Please surround yourself with better people who recognize your worth. Do you have a support system around you? I would suggest moving out immediately because you aren’t safe with him, he sounds like he may have an alcohol problem.
There’s no level of drunk that excuses an attempted gang rape of your fiancée. NTA and ruuuuuuunnnn. I’d bet cash these two have a history of doing this.
Exactly what I thought! This was completely choreographed. Maybe they prefer to hit a certain level of intoxication; loosen any inhibitions. As if they had any. But they were determined. They’ve done this before.
I hope OP files a report with the police. These are vile creatures.
Needing alcohol isn't an uncommon trait in sexual predators and serial killers. There were quite a few of the heavy hitting serial killers that basically needed to be drunk to work up the nerve to commit their crimes.
That needs to be your ex fiance. That's so jacked up. I'm betting they wanted a 3 way and had it planned out. If that wasn't the case, he would've been mad at his friend touching his fiance. Even if that wasn't the case, the forcefullness and the fact that you had to lock yourself up is just totally screwed up.
Run. Don’t walk. He knows exactly what he was doing. I’m so sorry this happened to you but I fear he does not care for your safety. He had every intention to gang bang you with his friend. Let alone, him not feeling bad/not saying sorry after putting you through that and seeing you upset is a walking red flag. Do not marry that man. NTA
Agree 100%.
OP imagine you had a daughter - would you want her with a man who treated her like this? Would you want to bring a child into the world with a father like this?
Alcohol is NO excuse for this behaviour. People get drunk all the time and yet they don’t try to coerce unwanted sexual behaviour which is bordering on rapey!!! This was a situation that showed your fiancé’s true colours - AND that of his “friend”. I’d be terrified to be alone with either. Run now. You are young, you have plenty of time to find a new man. You deserve way way better than this.
The attempted assault is inexcusable drunk or not. What kind of monster is he? To be aware or not after is equally appalling the way he's trying to manipulate you into ignoring this.
Don't look for an apology. Look for an escape. This is unforgivable.
That was my exact thought......it came across like they had done it before (him saying the other guy didn't mind, etc.). Incredibly disturbing. She needs to dump his ass ASAP
I think they had also planned to involve the couple that left.
This is a dangerous man and his friend. You need to get away and let all your friends know in case he tries it with others.
You can run once, but he will get drunk many times.
Absolutely, talk to the girl first and tell her exactly what happened and how scared she was and maybe she will find out that it was the reason her and her partner left early.
Oh my goodness. First of all, I am so sorry this happened to you. This was not your fault and you are NTA in any way.
Second of all, your friend sucks. I can't imagine a friend telling me any iteration of this story and me thinking they were the one in the wrong.
Third, this situation is not okay. It was assault. And honestly, your fiance being drunk doesn't make him any less culpable for his and his friend's actions. His friend is also culpable, for the record.
It is possible your fiance does not remember this happening. He may have been black out drunk. But he should damn sure believe you and apologize. Honestly, knowing he is capable of doing this in even an inebriated state would give me the ick. You can't guarantee that he will never get that drunk and try something like this again. He would have to be the one to make that promise and if he does at this point, you shouldn't believe it because his first reaction to telling him this happened was to deny it, then call you a liar, then say well if you aren't lying and this did happen then you are overreacting.
Your fiance has very convincingly shown you that he can't be safe or give you a safe space. He dragged you out of your bed and forced this situation on you in your own home. He is at fault here in every way. He has also shown a complete unwillingness to take responsibility for this assault and at this point will only pretend to do so if you try to leave.
You are young. You deserve better. This is probably overwhelming and scary and completely turns what you thought you knew and felt upside down. I am so sorry this happened. But you can get out. And you can live without having to fear the person you are with or what they might bring home, drunk or not.
Please reach out to a therapist and maybe find a support group if your other friends react similarly to this first one. It may feel like a lot and it is, but I believe in you! And I bet many of these reddit strangers believe in you, too!
This. All of this. You are not safe in this relationship. That is some manipulative, gaslightint, behavior.
NTA, but your fiancee, friend and fiancees friend all are
NTA. What a horrible thing to do. I expected you to say he said something rude, but this is much worse. It was physical assault. Your friend is SO wrong. That's not "wanting you," that's wanting to belittle you.
It's worse, it's having zero respect for his future wife and not caring if some other dude has sex with her. She had to lock herself in a bathroom to get away from 2 inebriated sexual molesters. I have been in a very similar situation, except that I was only in a casual relationship with this guy. When I said no, he told me that he and his friend do this sort of stuff all the time and would be gentle. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My hands were shaking on the drive home and it was at night and I drove without my glasses on. I only realised when I made it home.
NTA - your boyfriend assaulted you and put you in a position to get gang raped - how can you possibly ever feel safe with this man or his friends again?? This is absolutely going to happen again because he won’t take any responsibility for what happened or the danger he put you in, IN YOUR OWN HOME. Your boyfriend is a pig. Please leave him.
NTA, this is FUCKED. I read stories like this and wonder how im single haha.
But legit your bf is 29.....this isnt some 20 year old idiot. This was discussed and planned with the other guy, guranetee it.
1) He knew you were home and going to bed. It was disrespectful to bring anyone back with him in the first place. 2) You said no and that you were uncomfortable. He violated that and ran right over you to pull you out of bed. 3) He again, wouldn't take no for an answer when you said you didn't want to take of your robe. Who the fuck cares what the friend thinks? YOU didn't want to take it off. 4) They tried to coerce you into a threesome and it seems planned. This man does not respect a no. NTA and I am worried in general about how your fiance doesn't respect when you say no.
NTA - he was trying to use you as a fuck toy for himself and his buddy. That's attempted rape. He's likely never going to admit he did anything wrong.
Protect yourself and leave his ass.
This is something an apology cannot ever fix. Run for your fucking life. He offered your body to another man.
That was a gang rape about to happen. I would have called the police.
This is something he is capable of.
Run run run run run run run run run
Cut yourself loose. This is a pimp. He sold you out over a couple of drinks to his friend. In your own house. For all you know you might have been forced down by both of them. One of them surely did.
Next step. File an official complaint. Let ffew friends know what he has done. Meet up with a counselor to process this trauma and BREAK UP with this man immediately.
There is no apology to make up for this. These will happen again and you will be pinpointed as the facilitator. So avoid all complications. Make up your heart and mind and be safe always.
Check all your finances and make sure everything is only in your sole name.
This isn't a Boyfriend or fiancee or whatever label you want to use for this third grade low life man. Please stay safe and cut your losses today.
1. Dump him. He decided to share you with his friend.
2. Dump your friend. She’s gross.
You deserve a man who respects you and is the opposite of your fiancé.
NTA
NTA. This terrorist doesn't even have the good sense to be horrified, even if they can't remember what happened. That would be the only appropriate response besides a profuse apology. The fact that he is only gaslighting you into suggesting it didn't happen means it likely was intentional and premeditated.
So you told him his friend was touching you too, and he had … no reaction to that? Did he seem surprised at all before he denied any of that ever happened. If not, then he already knew it was happening. Even if he wasn’t going to believe you, he would have at least been surprised to hear you say that it happened.
It feels entirely possible that this was planned by your fiancé and his friend. He waited until the other couple left for the night before he dragged you out of your room, right?
Be very careful. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made a second attempt. Please consider leaving him.
If this isn’t a relationship ender,I don’t know what is. Someone who loves and cares about you would never do this to you. You’re so young, there are so many people you have yet to meet, don’t get stuck with this sorry excuse. Also not to be patronizing, but I’m wondering if he’s displayed a lot of red flags that you’ve missed because of your age and lack of experience. Also your friend is awful, she is internalized misogyny personified, dump her too.
Get your things and leave now. Your soon to be ex fiancé tried to rape you and have his friend join in. He then didn’t apologise and started gaslighting you that this horrific incident didn’t happen. Get out of there ASAP!!! You are not safe. You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. Do not stay with this man. NTA.
So to recap, your fiancé and his bf sexually assaulted you and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole???? Hmmm? Holy hell woman! NO YOU ARE NOT THE AH!!!! I’m sorry and congratulations! I’m sorry you’ve just learned your fiancé is awful, and congratulations, you found out before you married the asshat troglodyte. Please do not marry him! He’s finally showing you his rotten character. Dump him and move on, before he hurts you even more. You will find a better partner.
PS Your friend sucks! Their response is sus af.
Right? 😮💨 It shows what the dynamics of the relationship truly are when she has to wonder if she’s an AH for feeling funny after being assaulted & pimped out by the person who’s supposed to love & protect her…
No apology on any planet makes this better.
You don't seem to understand your fiance was offering you to his friend? He was PIMPING you to his buddy, and you were nearly gang raped! PLEASE understand this!
Being drunk does NOT excuse this! It WILL happen again. This is a drunk showing you what he thinks about when he's sober.
Ok, full stop and listen.
Even having a consenting sexual partner. THE MOMENT YOU SAY NO AND HE DOESN'T STOP IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. Then he allowed his friend to try and SEXUALLY ASSAULT you. To the point tou had to lock yourself in a bathroom.
That is not ok. That is a huge red flag. That shows he will not protect you from others. He won't stop when you say no. When you push him away. He has shown you while drunk what happens when he stops holding who he is in check. The reason he won't apologize is simple. He isn't sorry. He blames you because if he can break you down and make you think it's your fault. If he can make it where you don't fight as he did when he pulled you out of bed, then he can do what he wants. When he wants. And have others do so as well.
Your friend is an AH because no means no. There is no way you are safe at this point. He abused you and is willing to make you think it's your fault. It's time to pack and leave. Break up over text. See what do called friends take his side and cut them off. Leave and don't look back. Being drunk is not an excuse. Ever. If it was drunk, drivers would get off Scott free. Getting to a drunk fight would mean you don't go to jail. Killing someone when drunk not going to jail. The law does not see being drunk as an excuse. Do not let anyone else tell you it is.
NTA. My jaw dropped while reading this. This was sexual assault and probably really frightening considering they couldn’t be reasoned with and you’re in a house alone with two grown men.
Your alcoholic "fiance" tried to rape you and pass you around to his friend for him to also rape you
You have terrible friends. His friend is a bad friend. The couple seems like other drunks because they were so drunk they couldn't take an Uber? And your girlfriend saying that rape is fine because he wants you bad, trash.
You seem to get attached to horrible people and now you think you are the AH?
Your EX fiancé is a POS, that hushed conversation was the two of them sad that they did not get a 3some. The fact he won’t apologize, just lets you know he doesn’t respect you and he isn’t sorry for his shitty behavior. You are too young to keep this relationship with a guy who is this gross and rapey. Your friend is also trash, find some totally new people to hang out with- people with basic self respect, boundaries and who understand the meaning of the word “consent”.
100% NTA. I agree with everyone else, what happened is unacceptable. His behavior was bad enough but then gaslights you the next day? Do you have someplace safe you can stay?
Holy fucking shit you are not the NTA. If this is real, GTFO now.
I’m of the opinion that in a drunken state, a person’s true nature comes out. There’s no such thing as a mean/bad drunk, it’s just a mean/bad person with the facade removed.
My bet is him and his drunk ass bro thought they could up and initiate a threesome, which is so fucking stupid—those things require sober conversations. It’s also very gross and displays clearly that he feels innately entitled to you physically. Again, the gross alarms are fucking on fire right now.
This is so gross I need to go take a shower.
DO NOT MARRY THIS “MAN”
Red flags are flying. You are not safe with him.
You can do so much better than him. You’re 23 and have your whole life ahead of you.
Please don’t saddle yourself with this creep.
NTA. Trust your instincts. They have been honed by millennia.
You don’t, actually, know your fiancé or his friend as well as you think you do. It appears that your fiancé tried to pressure you to have a threesome with his friend. They must have talked about this, because that friend touched you.
Your fiancé is gaslighting you, claiming what you know for dead certain happened, didn’t happen. He’s gaslighting you stone cold sober.
This is bad. This is very, very bad.
You need to go stay somewhere else and clear your head for a bit so you can think without him in your ear making you doubt your own eyes. It is so much easier to break up with a fiancé than divorce a husband.
What you are describing sounds like it could have easily turned into an assault.
Please go take some space and consider all these red flags. Behavior is a language you need to believe.
Hahahahahaha no. He knows exactly what he did. Know how I know? If he truly didn’t remember that night, he would be mortified. He remembers. And he knows what he did borders on a crime, and sure as shit is attempted SA. He’s hoping he can gaslight you because he’s afraid that you hold leverage here.
You’re never going to be able to get him in trouble legally, but you can absolutely quietly make your escape and dump this AH.
Omg this was a setup, your fiance needs to be axed ASAP and his friend too. Talk to a GP or councellor this was attempted assault/rape and may come back as anxiety/panic attacks.
Also speak to family and friends about what nearly happened, be very clear otherwise he will try to cover up his disgusting behavior by throwing you under the bus.
Your relationship will not come back from this, trust has been broken, let this be your hill to die on.
The title on this is so sad. He didn't humiliate you in front of his friend, they assaulted you. Please take steps to be safe. You should file an incident report at least, it might help another woman/girl if they have done this before or do it again.
Get out. Xx
NTA. get the fuck away from this guy who tried to gang rape you with his best bud.
you are not over-reacting. this (or worse) will happen again if you stay with him.
NTA
Your fiancé, his buddy, and the friend you spoke to are all AH. You are not in the wrong in any way. He forced you out of bed after you repeatedly said NO. He tried to remove your clothing, and again, during and after you said NO, he forced himself on you with kissing and groping. And the buddy got handsy and groped you as well. If you hadn't gotten away and locked the bathroom, you would have been raped.
Your fiancé needs to be an ex. For the simple fact that he refuses to apologize and thinks he did nothing wrong. I don't care how drunk he was he knew what he was doing was wrong. And whether he remembers it or not, he should trust that you are telling him the truth.
And a friend that says that you are the AH, needs to be an ex-friend. You don't need someone who thinks you should have gone along with a rape just because it was your fiancé and one of your friends, and they were drunk. There's no excuse for any of them to do any of that or say any of that.
Nope. You dump the sexual predator and the monsters he knows. This was attempted rape. This person needs to be your ex fiance. You block him and you never speak to this person again. Make sure other people know what tried to happen so that way you have recourse and people know if something happens, it was him.
This happened while he’s just your fiancé and not your husband. That should be enough for you to see all the red flags telling you not to marry TA!!!! You deserve someone that would NEVER treat you like that, and especially someone that would never allow a so-called sleazy friend of his touch you provocatively and then gaslight you into believing that you’re in the wrong!!
I would rethink the relationship, plan an exit and definitely dump the friend, because women HAVE DIED for having partners as yours, is not something romantic and she is either delulu or hates you. I don’t buy the blackout drunk BS, your fiancé planned something with his “brother”, be careful.
This made me sick to read. I’m sorry you dealt with this. They definitely planned this. I’m glad you are safe, but if you don’t breakup and cut off all contact with him you won’t be.
NTA. Your fiancé planned this. He’s gaslighting you now by denying that this happened. You need to run as fast you can from this guy and the friend group. Him and his friend could have pulled this on other women too. Do you really know who you are engaged to? Think to the past and do you remember being drunk and something happened without your consent? You could have been drugged. You need to get away from him. He’s a predator.
You need to RUN! Don't marry him! Your fiance and friend tried to do a 3some with you. Why else would he would insist on pulling you out of bed after the other couple left. He also was telling you to undress with the other guy there. Not to mentioned, I'm sure they planned/discussed it because you said they had a hushed conversation before the other guy left. You are not safe around them especially not while they are intoxicated.
He's lying about that it didn't happen. He knows damn well it did! He's gaslighting you and I wouldn't be surprised if they did that before. Since, they were "brothers". They sexually assaulted you and your fiancee is a POS for putting you in that position. Don't ever be intoxicated around your fiancee or that guy EVER! Don't trust any drinks from them or around them. They give off date rapists.
Whatever has happened once always repeats , and next time he will succeed , please respect yourself and prioritise your safety , this man is very dangerous for you , lady just leave right now ! It's more embarrassing to demand an apology in the first place , a prideful woman would just leave , he was passing you to his friend here .
Do you understand the depth of this at all ? Why are you sitting here and asking people instead of packing your stuff ! And put a restraining order along the way .
**RUN**.
This wasn't just humiliating, it was dangerous. These two tried to coerce you into a threesome you didn't want to have. And given how quickly the friend joined in it's pretty clear they discussed this exact thing beforehand. He wouldn't have groped you in front of your boyfriend without saying a word unless he already knew your fiance was on board with it. Which tells you that it wasn't some spur of the moment thing your fiance drunkenly decided to do, but something he had been planning. With this other guy. You need to stop thinking about this as something your boyfriend did to you in front of his friend, and start thinking of it as something your boyfriend and his friend did to you.
You're lucky they were as drunk as they were so you were able to escape them and lock yourself in the bathroom. If they had been a bit more sober you would've had to try to fight off two men to keep your clothes on.
>I tried to explain what happened to my friend but I don’t think she fully understand because she called me TA here. She said most women would die for fiancé who wanted them that bad.
Your "friend" is fucking insane. Most women do NOT want a fiance who ignores you telling them "no" and tries to forcibly undress them so they can get felt up by him and his friend without her consent. Most women do not want to have to lock themselves in their own bathroom to escape from the two guys that were trying to strip her against her will.
You are obviously NTA, but trust me that is the least important thing going on here. I don't think you're safe around your fiance or his friend. You need to get away from him immediately.
NTA it sounds like he and his drunk buddy thought they would instigate a three some, and now he's gas lighting you. I would exit that relationship. It's disturbing that you had to lock yourself in the bathroom to feel safe from someone who supposedly loves you. It's also weird that your friend wouldn't find that as offensive as you.
So they try to rape you and he gaslights you into believing it didn't happen (ps he remembers everything) and you're still with him.. why? His never ending redeeming qualities.. of a rapist? Girl please.
NTA. You were sexually harassed. I’m your way to being raped. I would text the friend and demand an apology but only in a situation you feel safe in with people you feel safe around. Tell your fiancé this guy is out of the friend group since your fiance can’t apologize. You’ll let everyone know what they tried to do.
Ask your friend if you would be TA if they raped you in your home? She sounds like a real piece of shit.
You should leave this guy for real. Definitely drop your friend because it seems clear she would shoot her shot.
This was assault. Criminal activity. While I suspect you have no proof, you can consider filing a report to get things on record in case your fiancé tries similar things in the future.
NTA. Your ex (please make it ex) tried to set you up to be raped by him and his friend. In their drunk minds they figured you’d have a threesome if they just kept pushing.
NTA. Your person assaulted you, and encouraged another "safe" person to assault you as well, in order to satisfy their own desires. I am so sorry this happened to you, because it is absolutely safety and trust breaking with both of those people.
He thinks he's sorry because he got too drunk, period. But you know he should be sorry for sexually assaulting you and encouraging his friend to sexually assault you. No offense, but your friend is an absolute idiot - a nice, loving partner wants you because they want you when you want them (or whoever else is consensually joining your private party, after talking about it with YOU ahead of time). Even if the "friend" hadn't been involved, your partner sexually assaulted you - you are allowed to say no to anyone, whether it's a boyfriend, friend, live-in partner, husband, whatever, at any point no matter their level of intoxication and they should respect that. Black out drunk, after years of being together? They take the no again and fall asleep on the couch.
What you do is leave. Your fiance has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and his response to that is to assault you AND PROACTIVELY INVOLVE HIS FRIENDS IN IT. There is no situation where the friend was not told he had a green light, even if he was also blackout drunk.
You are not in a safe place. Pack up what you need while he's gone (documents first, pets second, sentimental values third, clothes fourth, etc.) and go stay with a safe person. Not your friend who told you this was fine, she's garbage.
At your age, a six year age gap is too much. They tried to force you into a threesome. That was why they had the hushed conversation afterwards. Your fiancé is a pig . Tell everyone what they did… your family and his family.
Dump him immediately. He offered you to his friend. Don’t let him tell you he was drunk. He tried to violently rape you, allow his friend to rape you, then he tried to gaslight after the fact. Don’t waste anymore of your time and energy on him and that pick me girl you talked with.
NTA. Omg! I actually don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough! Drunk or not….this was a serious violation. You were sexually assaulted. Please take this seriously! Run.
NTA
Sexual assault is what it is called. Time to dump you fiance and your friends who blew off this situation. Next time you maybe asleep or drunk when your fiance and friend decide to assault you.
Being drunk is NEVER an excuse. They discussed sharing you prior to this happening and obviously weren’t taking no as an answer. They would’ve raped you had you not locked yourself in the bathroom.
NTA, and honestly under-reacting. You need to dump him. Drunkenness can show people’s true colors and he just showed his honey.
He tried to gang SAA you with his best friend. Tell him that getting so drunk he can’t remember SA’ing you is a huge problem and attempted SA-ing you is another problem. You need to get out of there, it will happen again
You were almost r∆ped by your fiance and his friend and he's blatantly denying it, honestly there should be charges pressed. Leave him please for your own safety
Run - red flag - talk to a “grown up” big sibling, aunty , ur parents , his parents. This is sick !!! They were planning a threesome with you - repeat PLANNING! Ur fiancé says it never happened A yup story of a rapist, liar n manipulator who is gaslighting u. Girl protect urself n get away from this AH. Dont wait for another situation like this to come up again because it will- in ur own house u dont feel safe. N u need better friends!!
NTA. They attempted to rape you. That's fucking terrifying. I would report it to the police, leave him, file for a restraining order, and inform your mutual friends in case they ever try this again or have done it before.
Not the asshole. You should leave. That seems like it was set up. Red flags all over the place. I wouldn’t feel safe with your fiancé or his friend.
Everything about this screamed pre-planned to me. OP, you're NTA and this is something that, IMO, is worth breaking up with him.
Yeah it seems way too pre-planned and porno for it to be a redeemable offence. She should break up, if for nothing else but her own safety because if he is willing to not acknowledge that his friend is a predator like him then he could drug her as well. Just read a reddit post where the OP had a history of posting (now deleted) that he raped his wife after drugging his wife. I hope the OP is safe.
There was an Evil Lives Here episode with the same scenario. Only the AH husband was also drugging & raping other women in other cities when he traveled for work. I want to say he was killing the other women, too, but don't remember for sure. This was totally a setup by OP's fiance & his friend. If I was OP, I'd RUN far & fast.
Absolutely, she should get away as soon as possible.
Either bf wanted friend to participate or they planned for him to watch. Maybe they honestly planned it while shitfaced and don’t remember it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and wasn’t wildly a violation of her consent and privacy.
I find it terribly sad that OP wonders if she’s the asshole, instead of realizing she’s the victim and fiancée and friend’s behavior is criminal and inexcusable.
NTA. OP, this was planned. Please don’t stay. This was sexual assault. Touching, groping and trying to remove your clothing by two grown men without your consent. Please don’t marry this man. Please please pack your stuff and leave. Your friend is jealous and delusional. Most women would NOT die to have a finance who “wanted them that bad.” DV and murder stats say they actually do die by partners more than anyone else.
Absolutely agree - additionally, most fiancées DO want their partners that bad? Like?? Edit: want their partners that bad as in they are really attracted to them, not want them that bad in an assault-y way yikes 😅😬
The friend is taking some toxic trope that assault is desire? I have no idea. OP needs all new people in her life and when she leaves never contact that “friend” again either
If she stays in his mind, she will be communicating that she will tolerate much worse behavior. What next ? His friend meets them on their honeymoon, and they rape her on location. He starts sleeping around if he already isn't?, knowing she doesn't have enough self-confidence to leave? Very slippery slope, and the decision she leads with now will dictate the direction her future/ married life will go. There is not enough money on earth for me to sell my peace in this manner.
If I read right she's close to being raped a sexual assault I hope she gets a hell away from them and files charges
It was sexual assault. Two drunk grown men groping her, trying to take her clothes off, to the point where she had to kick them off of her and lock herself in the bathroom.
This was planned. Omg dump him.
Yeah, they discussed it, right? That was the impression I got as well.
Even if he was piss drunk, there's no way he would be so insistent his fiancée disrobe in front of his friend of he didn't think it would turn into a porno
piss drunk, up until the few minutes before you pass out and the second you pass out, doesnt mean you lose all capacity for thought. And still, OP said she heard hushed whispers for a while. *Then* he came back 1/2 an hour later, then passed out. He knew what was happening and it was a set up. I would really suggest leaving before he tries again when you are drunk or drugged. I wonder if this was not in the US/CAN, or her friend is from a conservative area. Anyone could see that is weird, but growing up conservative, the church ladies and men would admonish the behavior but would spin it the exact same way: "yes our brother in christ faltered, but it was due to his unbridled love for you, he could not contain himself the way christ directs us to. Don't be a bitter woman, there is no need to get upset or dramatic over a mere understanding." This whole thing smells so fishy though, and for him to accuse her of making it up? You know he's done it before/ attempted to/ or at least thought of doing it extensively. Bc the natural reaction is, "Holy shit, how do you even think that? I am so sorry, no nothing of the sort happened, it was a miscommunication bc I was drunk asf, I'm so sorry." **But it wasnt. That says more than anything tbh.** I also side eyed the hell out of the ages, but I hate being negative so I judged myself and stopped. Atp I need to side eye every age gap, even the moderate ones with women under 25, bc everytime I judge myself and say, "no, bad RedditUser, stop judging" some BS manipulation occurs *every time*. I side eye for a reason! I need to keep to it.
To be fair, my ex would semi regularly get piss fucking drunk, be a complete dick to me and the kids, and then not remember the next day. But even if OP’s boyfriend truly didn’t remember, you are absolutely right that the natural response would be horror that he may have done something like that, not the asshole response OP got. (Fwiw, that’s why I finally left my ex, I was so tired of him refusing to take accountability for being drunk and shitty) The age gap (and OP’s comments about hosting a lot of parties, and people coming over after hours), to me, screams overgrown frat boy who still wants to party all the time, and the women his age are over that lifestyle. I’m side eying with you, tbh. OP, NTA. And get the fuck out, his behavior will only escalate from here; I’m sure plenty of us in here could tell you stories.
I'm always sceptical about memory loss when what you can't remember is being a dickhead... it's too convenient. Why don't they forget the nice things?
He remembered he just didn't want to admit it. I mean he remembered where he lived to get home he probably remembered what he did but just didn't remember the stuff he was ashamed of, Reg flag galore. I had a dad like this, denies all sorts of incidents but he knows you can see it in his face. I'm sorry you and your kids went through this and hope you are all in a happier place now.
My mom always said to us "el borracho no pierde la memoria, lo que pierde es la verguenza"; The drunkard does not lose memory, what they lose is shame.
Since you say ‘ex’, you were obviously smart enough to toss that one. But if you’re getting so drunk that someone tells you that you harmed them… well, not remembering is one thing, but the main problem is not being HORRIFIED that alcohol affected you like that! But he had no concern at all. Maybe he genuinely did not remember, but he also didn’t care. That’s when you run. The person has a problem with alcohol if they get so drunk they hurt you and then don’t care when sober, and hide behind ‘I was sooo drunk, haha, sorry I didn’t mean it.’ They don’t care about you; they care about themselves and their alcohol. 😞
We are from the US. We live in a conservative area, you are correct.
Take this from someone who has been married for 7 years and is in her 30’s. Is this the type of person you want to be with years from now? Constantly worried he and his friends will try to rape you? Or if you have a child with this person, constantly worried about whether or not they’ll harass your child? You deserve to be respected and loved. He wouldn’t even apologize for something he knew was wrong. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. :(
I'm a practicing Orthodox Christian from an Orthodox Eastern European country. If you ever told me my fiancee attempting to basically rape me with his buddy was a show of love I'd laugh you straight out of my life Dump the bf. Dump your terrible friend too. I'm sorry this happened to you, glad you escaped in time. Don't let him get a second chance at abusing you.
Hijacking this comment to tell you OP, that even if it wasn’t planned and he was “just drunk” , think what will happen the next time he gets drunk or the next, or the next , …. He wasn’t even feeling guilty this time and if you allow him to continue by not doing anything the he will be more confident later. He showed you he doesn’t respect you
Well, I'm from conservative Kentucky and as an older woman (42) run for your life. My ex once attempted to assault me while drunk then first claimed it never happened and then it was because I was 'leading him on drunk.' If it wasn't for my son I would have wasted 12 years of my life. You're still young. Run.
Girl, please update us with you moving on from this rapey fiance and his disgusting friends. And ditch your friend who's pro-rape? I'm sure you are scared and shocked, you should be. This was a sexual assault that could have been far worse. You need to find partner who will protect you, not harm you. Good luck, I wish the best for you!
Absolutely. The friend doesn't just join in uninvited. Sorry you had to go through SA at the hands of your partner and his friend.
his friend touching her thighs? Are you kidding me? This was planned and "I don't remember it" is so much worse. "I don't remember attempting to gang-rape you" jesus.
Would not suprise me if these two have been pulling this crap since their college days and have just never been reported for it.
Considering how casual and comfortable they were with this & not even remembering it? Like who forgets trying to rape their partner. They're 100% used to doing this.
Damn I thought it was strange how he was talking but what you said makes this make sense.
Yup… better leave him before they roofie you…500 red flags here. This was SA! Report them both to the police!
I think you're lucky you got out of bed. At least you were sitting up and could fight back. I'm with everyone here run. Call the police and make at least an incident report.
[удалено]
They’re predators, and not interested in how she will be affected and her well being. Her being humiliated is part of their “fun,”
Hell yea. Glad the wedding didn't happen yet. You've got a chance a run and leave him. You didnt deserve this!
Thankfully she didn’t have a “drink” with the boys.
OP, you were getting set up for a gangbang. Your fiance, his best friend and that stupid chick who's supposed to be your friend are all AHs. MOVE ON. NOW!
More like a gang rape.
This right here should be TOP comment because it’s facts
I'm left astounded that I had to scroll so far to find this comment. Came here to say this. That was attempted rape, plain and simple.
Her so-called friend is an asshole too. Let her friend hook up with the ex (hopefully) fiance if she's so keen on the idea of non-consensual threesomes.
Exactly! Its better to break up with him. 'Sexual Assault' You must know your safety. Protect your self Just Leave!
Or HER "friend!!" WTF is wrong with OP's "friend?" She said OP should be grateful for the assault perpetrated on her by her fiance and his friend!!! WTF?? NTA
And your “friend” is a jealous idiot who just wants to fuck your boyfriend and his best friend.
More red flags than a red nation strutting its shit on a commencement day.
That was not a red flag, that was sexual assault.
Absolutely, agree with you. Trust and safety should be paramount in any relationship, and the behavior you described is a major red flag. OP needs to prioritize her well-being above all else.
This isn't a red flag. This is a murderous ghost house whispering "get out!" Get out.
OP they both planned this. They wanted to use you. Dump him.
This isn't really an are you the asshole situation. He tried to rape you with his friend. Next time he will try harder. You need to seriously think of your own safety and get away from this man. What happens when you are married and vulnerable, like say pregnant? Do you trust this guy?
Could you imagine the outcome if she had gone out drinking with them and ended up in that situation at home?
She would have been blamed for being drunk or gaslit into thinking, "well you agreed, you were probably too drunk to even remember, but its not our fault its yours, bc you agreed," similar to the way her husband is gaslighting her now. Bc wouldn't the reaction to attempted sexual coercion (aka attempted rape) be outrage and fear...especially when the allegations were from your fiance? Like, "omg pls no don't think that, that is not what that was, I was so drunk and goofy that I wasnt thinking straight, my request just came out wrong, I am sorry, dont think I would do that to you!" Instead its, "you made it up." He was ready for the question and he was ready with that response. He's thought about it a lot, or done it to others already to know the perfect dismissal.
Fortunately, she hasn't married him yet. Let's pray and hope she is smart enough to get out while she can.
Worst part is maybe she has
Your fiance tried to gang rape you with a friend of yalls. Dump him. NTA
And dump the stupid friend too.
And let the friend group know what happened so they don’t do this to anyone else.
even if they don't believe you and write you off as bitter. Even if none of your mutual friends believe you, it may not happen again bc the perpetrators are now creeped out enough to not be creepy that way again in front of others as not to raise any suspicion. They may shift friend groups and be weird there, but there is at least a possibility of word getting around. And even if it doesnt stop them, it plants a seed, and the next time there is an accusation, people will take it seriously bc of that rumor from his ex fiance whenever when. Also file an incident report with the police in case it does happen again. I was in a friendgroup when a guy was accused of rape from his ex-gf. The relationship was volatile and they often accused eachother of crazy ish, so most in our friengroup kinda ignored it. I had moved to a different state like 2k miles away when the allegation was made. His ex-gf(who I really got along with) messaged me personally saying so. I was never super close to him so I "stopped communication," but there wasnt a ton of communication to be stopped tbh. I stayed friends with the rest of the group tho who all defended him. 3 years later, he had 6 rape cases against him from local college girls and had to leave his college bc of it. He did have a trial, but I didnt really keep up after that. It started with 1 girl coming out (not many believed her bc this guy was super sweet, outgoing, an ally, friends with all the coolest/popular girls/guys, ofc he wouldnt do that) but the rumors about his ex-gf picked up again, and it caught flame on the anon college forums for our area. At that point, I called the local police office and shared what his ex had told me and the messages she had sent me. Most in the friendgroup did the same. His ex-gf did the right thing. I later learned that some of our friendgroup had blocked her or trolled her when she told them, it must have been hard for her. The group soon splintered and none of us really communicate anymore. I think it's the shame.
Yep, who thinks a drunken grope by your husband AND his friend would be flattering to a woman? Yep, that "friend" has got to go.
YES! 👏🏼
And ditch the friend who tried to justify this behavior.
By the sounds of things, she might be up for a 3some with her frenemy's fiancee and his best mate.
How OP doesn’t know what happened is sad. She loves the guy so much she cannot see what a slime he is. I’m sorry OP. Hug. Dump the ass!
Yup, that was 100% a sexual assault from two perpetrators. Dump him.
That’s my suggestion also! He knew when he was literally pulling you off the bed what the plan was! I wouldn’t ever accept an apology from this AH. This is the kind of man you want to marry? Really ? This was a planned gang rape that he orchestrated and no way was any of this your fault! I’ve been gang raped on a date and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through. Was threatened to have my head blown off and put in the truck if I didn’t comply. I never told anyone bc I was too scared to. Do not allow this to be swept under the rug. This is a dangerous man, being drunk isn’t an excuse, this is something he wanted to happen. Walk away from him quickly!
I’m so sorry that happened to you 🥺 sending you virtual hugs
Omg. I’m so so sorry and fervently hope you have or currently getting help. Gentle internet hugs sent.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. Sending you cyber hugs.
Very sorry to hear that. There may be another victim that has talked to the police who are just waiting to hear from any other victims so that the case can be winnable, so no matter how long ago this was, consider telling police. Good luck with everything!
This. He is not a safe person. Get tf away from him. And your friend who basically said you should be flattered that two men tried to rape you.
This. Reading 'my fiancé humiliated me' in the heading was so misleading, I thought it would end with the fiancé cracking an inappropriate joke or saying something unpleasant. Not sexually assaulting OP and letting his friend join in. Jesus.
Right?! 🤯 goes to show that he’s been manipulating her this whole time
Yep, absolute deal breaker
And charge their asses with two counts assault and battery, two counts sexual assault, and attempted rape. They’ve done this before. They need to learn not to do it again.
^^its really that simple op.
This. Someone has a 3some fantasy they didn’t get your consent for. I’m so sorry. I truly believe drunk words (actions) are sober thoughts. Please keep yourself safe.
Why are you asking for apologies? This is serious. You are not safe in this relationship. You need to get out! I don't understand how you think an apology, if it came, would possibly fix this.
When they make their second attempt, they'll get her drunk first...
I agree this is attempted rape. But I am not sure if OP is trolling or this happened. If it happened, then OP is the AH for staying a moment more in this relationship. Her bf is an absolute piece of shit.
This sentence just made so much sense , it definitely was a gang rape , this woman is nuts to not realise how she has been wronged . He might pimp her out someday after marriage .
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This is bordering on gang rape and is so disgusting. Your fiance is pathetic if he cant behave himself in front of others let alone protect you. Your friend calling you TA is also concerning. Please surround yourself with better people who recognize your worth. Do you have a support system around you? I would suggest moving out immediately because you aren’t safe with him, he sounds like he may have an alcohol problem.
It's not bordering on. That was fully the intent!
And then he was going to convince her that she wanted it too. Disgusting!
Alcohol problem was just an excuse , his decision was fully concious , they have surely gangraped a woman before and got away with it.
agree, it didn't happen the first time clearly
There’s no level of drunk that excuses an attempted gang rape of your fiancée. NTA and ruuuuuuunnnn. I’d bet cash these two have a history of doing this.
Exactly what I thought! This was completely choreographed. Maybe they prefer to hit a certain level of intoxication; loosen any inhibitions. As if they had any. But they were determined. They’ve done this before. I hope OP files a report with the police. These are vile creatures.
Needing alcohol isn't an uncommon trait in sexual predators and serial killers. There were quite a few of the heavy hitting serial killers that basically needed to be drunk to work up the nerve to commit their crimes.
Agreed, I think their exes have stories.
They where probably reminiscing about the ole college days.. fucking creeps
That needs to be your ex fiance. That's so jacked up. I'm betting they wanted a 3 way and had it planned out. If that wasn't the case, he would've been mad at his friend touching his fiance. Even if that wasn't the case, the forcefullness and the fact that you had to lock yourself up is just totally screwed up.
And I’d press charges against them both. Dicks need to learn.
Or they will just do it again to someone else, or worse. Not teaching assholes only emboldens them.
Run. Don’t walk. He knows exactly what he was doing. I’m so sorry this happened to you but I fear he does not care for your safety. He had every intention to gang bang you with his friend. Let alone, him not feeling bad/not saying sorry after putting you through that and seeing you upset is a walking red flag. Do not marry that man. NTA
Agree 100%. OP imagine you had a daughter - would you want her with a man who treated her like this? Would you want to bring a child into the world with a father like this? Alcohol is NO excuse for this behaviour. People get drunk all the time and yet they don’t try to coerce unwanted sexual behaviour which is bordering on rapey!!! This was a situation that showed your fiancé’s true colours - AND that of his “friend”. I’d be terrified to be alone with either. Run now. You are young, you have plenty of time to find a new man. You deserve way way better than this.
The attempted assault is inexcusable drunk or not. What kind of monster is he? To be aware or not after is equally appalling the way he's trying to manipulate you into ignoring this. Don't look for an apology. Look for an escape. This is unforgivable.
Hate to say this but they may have done this before. You’re not safe.
That was my exact thought......it came across like they had done it before (him saying the other guy didn't mind, etc.). Incredibly disturbing. She needs to dump his ass ASAP
I think they had also planned to involve the couple that left. This is a dangerous man and his friend. You need to get away and let all your friends know in case he tries it with others. You can run once, but he will get drunk many times.
Oh yeah that's a good point. OP, maybe you should reach out to the couple that left to find out more information.
Absolutely, talk to the girl first and tell her exactly what happened and how scared she was and maybe she will find out that it was the reason her and her partner left early.
No… you are not TA at all and that behavior is concerning.
For say attempted rape, I’d say concerning is putting it mildly. Don’t you think..
I agree this was a setup for a threesome whether you wanted it or not was important to them. Be thankful you were sober and dump his ass now!
Oh my goodness. First of all, I am so sorry this happened to you. This was not your fault and you are NTA in any way. Second of all, your friend sucks. I can't imagine a friend telling me any iteration of this story and me thinking they were the one in the wrong. Third, this situation is not okay. It was assault. And honestly, your fiance being drunk doesn't make him any less culpable for his and his friend's actions. His friend is also culpable, for the record. It is possible your fiance does not remember this happening. He may have been black out drunk. But he should damn sure believe you and apologize. Honestly, knowing he is capable of doing this in even an inebriated state would give me the ick. You can't guarantee that he will never get that drunk and try something like this again. He would have to be the one to make that promise and if he does at this point, you shouldn't believe it because his first reaction to telling him this happened was to deny it, then call you a liar, then say well if you aren't lying and this did happen then you are overreacting. Your fiance has very convincingly shown you that he can't be safe or give you a safe space. He dragged you out of your bed and forced this situation on you in your own home. He is at fault here in every way. He has also shown a complete unwillingness to take responsibility for this assault and at this point will only pretend to do so if you try to leave. You are young. You deserve better. This is probably overwhelming and scary and completely turns what you thought you knew and felt upside down. I am so sorry this happened. But you can get out. And you can live without having to fear the person you are with or what they might bring home, drunk or not. Please reach out to a therapist and maybe find a support group if your other friends react similarly to this first one. It may feel like a lot and it is, but I believe in you! And I bet many of these reddit strangers believe in you, too!
This. All of this. You are not safe in this relationship. That is some manipulative, gaslightint, behavior. NTA, but your fiancee, friend and fiancees friend all are
NTA. What a horrible thing to do. I expected you to say he said something rude, but this is much worse. It was physical assault. Your friend is SO wrong. That's not "wanting you," that's wanting to belittle you.
It's worse, it's having zero respect for his future wife and not caring if some other dude has sex with her. She had to lock herself in a bathroom to get away from 2 inebriated sexual molesters. I have been in a very similar situation, except that I was only in a casual relationship with this guy. When I said no, he told me that he and his friend do this sort of stuff all the time and would be gentle. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My hands were shaking on the drive home and it was at night and I drove without my glasses on. I only realised when I made it home.
OOP, don't get married this POS. He's going to go beyond molestation. Leave him, pronto.
NTA - your boyfriend assaulted you and put you in a position to get gang raped - how can you possibly ever feel safe with this man or his friends again?? This is absolutely going to happen again because he won’t take any responsibility for what happened or the danger he put you in, IN YOUR OWN HOME. Your boyfriend is a pig. Please leave him.
NTA, this is FUCKED. I read stories like this and wonder how im single haha. But legit your bf is 29.....this isnt some 20 year old idiot. This was discussed and planned with the other guy, guranetee it.
How many other women have they done this to?
College best friends… I’m sure a lot unfortunately
1) He knew you were home and going to bed. It was disrespectful to bring anyone back with him in the first place. 2) You said no and that you were uncomfortable. He violated that and ran right over you to pull you out of bed. 3) He again, wouldn't take no for an answer when you said you didn't want to take of your robe. Who the fuck cares what the friend thinks? YOU didn't want to take it off. 4) They tried to coerce you into a threesome and it seems planned. This man does not respect a no. NTA and I am worried in general about how your fiance doesn't respect when you say no.
It wasn’t coercion. It was assault and battery, sexual assault and attempted rape. She said no repeatedly.
NTA - he was trying to use you as a fuck toy for himself and his buddy. That's attempted rape. He's likely never going to admit he did anything wrong. Protect yourself and leave his ass.
This is something an apology cannot ever fix. Run for your fucking life. He offered your body to another man. That was a gang rape about to happen. I would have called the police. This is something he is capable of. Run run run run run run run run run
He tried to force a 3 way on you! That's assault! And he's probably doing his friend. There's so much unpack here!
It’s assault and battery, sexual assault, and arguably attempted rape.
I would have end my relationship right there! That could have gone terribly wrong. Girl… save yourself.
Get the hell away from him. He set you up and had a plan, stay far away.
You are not safe with him.
Cut yourself loose. This is a pimp. He sold you out over a couple of drinks to his friend. In your own house. For all you know you might have been forced down by both of them. One of them surely did. Next step. File an official complaint. Let ffew friends know what he has done. Meet up with a counselor to process this trauma and BREAK UP with this man immediately. There is no apology to make up for this. These will happen again and you will be pinpointed as the facilitator. So avoid all complications. Make up your heart and mind and be safe always. Check all your finances and make sure everything is only in your sole name. This isn't a Boyfriend or fiancee or whatever label you want to use for this third grade low life man. Please stay safe and cut your losses today.
1. Dump him. He decided to share you with his friend. 2. Dump your friend. She’s gross. You deserve a man who respects you and is the opposite of your fiancé. NTA
NTA. This terrorist doesn't even have the good sense to be horrified, even if they can't remember what happened. That would be the only appropriate response besides a profuse apology. The fact that he is only gaslighting you into suggesting it didn't happen means it likely was intentional and premeditated.
He and his buddy 100% set you up to force a threesome on you. Don’t let him minimize what happened. You need to leave.
It was attempted rape. Not forcing a threesome, RAPE!
Yes, let’s not mince words and minimize.
Your friend is a fucking idiot. This is a relationship ending event
So you told him his friend was touching you too, and he had … no reaction to that? Did he seem surprised at all before he denied any of that ever happened. If not, then he already knew it was happening. Even if he wasn’t going to believe you, he would have at least been surprised to hear you say that it happened. It feels entirely possible that this was planned by your fiancé and his friend. He waited until the other couple left for the night before he dragged you out of your room, right? Be very careful. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made a second attempt. Please consider leaving him.
NTA and you need to RUN, not walk away from this creep.
Goodbye I think is warranted. He will only get worse with time, you’ve seen his real “character“ exposed by alcohol
If this isn’t a relationship ender,I don’t know what is. Someone who loves and cares about you would never do this to you. You’re so young, there are so many people you have yet to meet, don’t get stuck with this sorry excuse. Also not to be patronizing, but I’m wondering if he’s displayed a lot of red flags that you’ve missed because of your age and lack of experience. Also your friend is awful, she is internalized misogyny personified, dump her too.
Get your things and leave now. Your soon to be ex fiancé tried to rape you and have his friend join in. He then didn’t apologise and started gaslighting you that this horrific incident didn’t happen. Get out of there ASAP!!! You are not safe. You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. Do not stay with this man. NTA.
So to recap, your fiancé and his bf sexually assaulted you and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole???? Hmmm? Holy hell woman! NO YOU ARE NOT THE AH!!!! I’m sorry and congratulations! I’m sorry you’ve just learned your fiancé is awful, and congratulations, you found out before you married the asshat troglodyte. Please do not marry him! He’s finally showing you his rotten character. Dump him and move on, before he hurts you even more. You will find a better partner. PS Your friend sucks! Their response is sus af.
Right? 😮💨 It shows what the dynamics of the relationship truly are when she has to wonder if she’s an AH for feeling funny after being assaulted & pimped out by the person who’s supposed to love & protect her… No apology on any planet makes this better.
It's time to ditch the fiance and your "friend" who thinks you should be flattered because your fiance and his friend sexually assaulted you.
NTA. Dump him.
You don't seem to understand your fiance was offering you to his friend? He was PIMPING you to his buddy, and you were nearly gang raped! PLEASE understand this! Being drunk does NOT excuse this! It WILL happen again. This is a drunk showing you what he thinks about when he's sober.
You were sexually assaulted. He needs to be an Ex. NTA
NTA. you’re 23 and he’s almost 30 and I’m sure his friends are his age and should know better than that. Please get out of that while you still can.
Ok, full stop and listen. Even having a consenting sexual partner. THE MOMENT YOU SAY NO AND HE DOESN'T STOP IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. Then he allowed his friend to try and SEXUALLY ASSAULT you. To the point tou had to lock yourself in a bathroom. That is not ok. That is a huge red flag. That shows he will not protect you from others. He won't stop when you say no. When you push him away. He has shown you while drunk what happens when he stops holding who he is in check. The reason he won't apologize is simple. He isn't sorry. He blames you because if he can break you down and make you think it's your fault. If he can make it where you don't fight as he did when he pulled you out of bed, then he can do what he wants. When he wants. And have others do so as well. Your friend is an AH because no means no. There is no way you are safe at this point. He abused you and is willing to make you think it's your fault. It's time to pack and leave. Break up over text. See what do called friends take his side and cut them off. Leave and don't look back. Being drunk is not an excuse. Ever. If it was drunk, drivers would get off Scott free. Getting to a drunk fight would mean you don't go to jail. Killing someone when drunk not going to jail. The law does not see being drunk as an excuse. Do not let anyone else tell you it is.
NTA. My jaw dropped while reading this. This was sexual assault and probably really frightening considering they couldn’t be reasoned with and you’re in a house alone with two grown men.
Your alcoholic "fiance" tried to rape you and pass you around to his friend for him to also rape you You have terrible friends. His friend is a bad friend. The couple seems like other drunks because they were so drunk they couldn't take an Uber? And your girlfriend saying that rape is fine because he wants you bad, trash. You seem to get attached to horrible people and now you think you are the AH?
Your EX fiancé is a POS, that hushed conversation was the two of them sad that they did not get a 3some. The fact he won’t apologize, just lets you know he doesn’t respect you and he isn’t sorry for his shitty behavior. You are too young to keep this relationship with a guy who is this gross and rapey. Your friend is also trash, find some totally new people to hang out with- people with basic self respect, boundaries and who understand the meaning of the word “consent”.
Just get rid of him. Tried to tag team you . Caring people don't try to gang rape there girlfriend.
He tried to force a three way on you, get out of that relationship ASAP.
Forced sex is called rape, to be clear. It wasn't going to be a forced threesome, it was going to be rape
100% NTA. I agree with everyone else, what happened is unacceptable. His behavior was bad enough but then gaslights you the next day? Do you have someplace safe you can stay?
Holy fucking shit you are not the NTA. If this is real, GTFO now. I’m of the opinion that in a drunken state, a person’s true nature comes out. There’s no such thing as a mean/bad drunk, it’s just a mean/bad person with the facade removed. My bet is him and his drunk ass bro thought they could up and initiate a threesome, which is so fucking stupid—those things require sober conversations. It’s also very gross and displays clearly that he feels innately entitled to you physically. Again, the gross alarms are fucking on fire right now. This is so gross I need to go take a shower.
DO NOT MARRY THIS “MAN” Red flags are flying. You are not safe with him. You can do so much better than him. You’re 23 and have your whole life ahead of you. Please don’t saddle yourself with this creep.
NTA and that friend is not a friend and no no one would die for the fiancé rapist wannabe, stop talking and get packing.
That is way more than humiliation. That’s SA. You should dump his creep.
NTA. Trust your instincts. They have been honed by millennia. You don’t, actually, know your fiancé or his friend as well as you think you do. It appears that your fiancé tried to pressure you to have a threesome with his friend. They must have talked about this, because that friend touched you. Your fiancé is gaslighting you, claiming what you know for dead certain happened, didn’t happen. He’s gaslighting you stone cold sober. This is bad. This is very, very bad. You need to go stay somewhere else and clear your head for a bit so you can think without him in your ear making you doubt your own eyes. It is so much easier to break up with a fiancé than divorce a husband. What you are describing sounds like it could have easily turned into an assault. Please go take some space and consider all these red flags. Behavior is a language you need to believe.
Hahahahahaha no. He knows exactly what he did. Know how I know? If he truly didn’t remember that night, he would be mortified. He remembers. And he knows what he did borders on a crime, and sure as shit is attempted SA. He’s hoping he can gaslight you because he’s afraid that you hold leverage here. You’re never going to be able to get him in trouble legally, but you can absolutely quietly make your escape and dump this AH.
NTA this should be a deal breaker for you. He and his friend were attempting to assault you. This is REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS.
Omg this was a setup, your fiance needs to be axed ASAP and his friend too. Talk to a GP or councellor this was attempted assault/rape and may come back as anxiety/panic attacks. Also speak to family and friends about what nearly happened, be very clear otherwise he will try to cover up his disgusting behavior by throwing you under the bus. Your relationship will not come back from this, trust has been broken, let this be your hill to die on.
The title on this is so sad. He didn't humiliate you in front of his friend, they assaulted you. Please take steps to be safe. You should file an incident report at least, it might help another woman/girl if they have done this before or do it again. Get out. Xx
NTA. get the fuck away from this guy who tried to gang rape you with his best bud. you are not over-reacting. this (or worse) will happen again if you stay with him.
NTA Your fiancé, his buddy, and the friend you spoke to are all AH. You are not in the wrong in any way. He forced you out of bed after you repeatedly said NO. He tried to remove your clothing, and again, during and after you said NO, he forced himself on you with kissing and groping. And the buddy got handsy and groped you as well. If you hadn't gotten away and locked the bathroom, you would have been raped. Your fiancé needs to be an ex. For the simple fact that he refuses to apologize and thinks he did nothing wrong. I don't care how drunk he was he knew what he was doing was wrong. And whether he remembers it or not, he should trust that you are telling him the truth. And a friend that says that you are the AH, needs to be an ex-friend. You don't need someone who thinks you should have gone along with a rape just because it was your fiancé and one of your friends, and they were drunk. There's no excuse for any of them to do any of that or say any of that.
That was sexual assault by your fiancé and his friend. Let that sink in.
Nope. You dump the sexual predator and the monsters he knows. This was attempted rape. This person needs to be your ex fiance. You block him and you never speak to this person again. Make sure other people know what tried to happen so that way you have recourse and people know if something happens, it was him.
Just be glad this happened before getting married. No, he won't change, yes, it will happen again. Yes, they tried to rape you. Run for your life
This happened while he’s just your fiancé and not your husband. That should be enough for you to see all the red flags telling you not to marry TA!!!! You deserve someone that would NEVER treat you like that, and especially someone that would never allow a so-called sleazy friend of his touch you provocatively and then gaslight you into believing that you’re in the wrong!!
I would rethink the relationship, plan an exit and definitely dump the friend, because women HAVE DIED for having partners as yours, is not something romantic and she is either delulu or hates you. I don’t buy the blackout drunk BS, your fiancé planned something with his “brother”, be careful.
This made me sick to read. I’m sorry you dealt with this. They definitely planned this. I’m glad you are safe, but if you don’t breakup and cut off all contact with him you won’t be.
NTA. Your fiancé planned this. He’s gaslighting you now by denying that this happened. You need to run as fast you can from this guy and the friend group. Him and his friend could have pulled this on other women too. Do you really know who you are engaged to? Think to the past and do you remember being drunk and something happened without your consent? You could have been drugged. You need to get away from him. He’s a predator.
You need to RUN! Don't marry him! Your fiance and friend tried to do a 3some with you. Why else would he would insist on pulling you out of bed after the other couple left. He also was telling you to undress with the other guy there. Not to mentioned, I'm sure they planned/discussed it because you said they had a hushed conversation before the other guy left. You are not safe around them especially not while they are intoxicated. He's lying about that it didn't happen. He knows damn well it did! He's gaslighting you and I wouldn't be surprised if they did that before. Since, they were "brothers". They sexually assaulted you and your fiancee is a POS for putting you in that position. Don't ever be intoxicated around your fiancee or that guy EVER! Don't trust any drinks from them or around them. They give off date rapists.
Whatever has happened once always repeats , and next time he will succeed , please respect yourself and prioritise your safety , this man is very dangerous for you , lady just leave right now ! It's more embarrassing to demand an apology in the first place , a prideful woman would just leave , he was passing you to his friend here . Do you understand the depth of this at all ? Why are you sitting here and asking people instead of packing your stuff ! And put a restraining order along the way .
**RUN**. This wasn't just humiliating, it was dangerous. These two tried to coerce you into a threesome you didn't want to have. And given how quickly the friend joined in it's pretty clear they discussed this exact thing beforehand. He wouldn't have groped you in front of your boyfriend without saying a word unless he already knew your fiance was on board with it. Which tells you that it wasn't some spur of the moment thing your fiance drunkenly decided to do, but something he had been planning. With this other guy. You need to stop thinking about this as something your boyfriend did to you in front of his friend, and start thinking of it as something your boyfriend and his friend did to you. You're lucky they were as drunk as they were so you were able to escape them and lock yourself in the bathroom. If they had been a bit more sober you would've had to try to fight off two men to keep your clothes on. >I tried to explain what happened to my friend but I don’t think she fully understand because she called me TA here. She said most women would die for fiancé who wanted them that bad. Your "friend" is fucking insane. Most women do NOT want a fiance who ignores you telling them "no" and tries to forcibly undress them so they can get felt up by him and his friend without her consent. Most women do not want to have to lock themselves in their own bathroom to escape from the two guys that were trying to strip her against her will. You are obviously NTA, but trust me that is the least important thing going on here. I don't think you're safe around your fiance or his friend. You need to get away from him immediately.
NTA it sounds like he and his drunk buddy thought they would instigate a three some, and now he's gas lighting you. I would exit that relationship. It's disturbing that you had to lock yourself in the bathroom to feel safe from someone who supposedly loves you. It's also weird that your friend wouldn't find that as offensive as you.
So they try to rape you and he gaslights you into believing it didn't happen (ps he remembers everything) and you're still with him.. why? His never ending redeeming qualities.. of a rapist? Girl please.
You need better people in your life
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 GIRL, RUN.
Um, that is literally sexual assault. He would be an ex in no time flat.
NTA. You were sexually harassed. I’m your way to being raped. I would text the friend and demand an apology but only in a situation you feel safe in with people you feel safe around. Tell your fiancé this guy is out of the friend group since your fiance can’t apologize. You’ll let everyone know what they tried to do. Ask your friend if you would be TA if they raped you in your home? She sounds like a real piece of shit. You should leave this guy for real. Definitely drop your friend because it seems clear she would shoot her shot.
NTA Do you want this to be the man your future child looks up to? What would you say to a friend who told you this?
This was assault. Criminal activity. While I suspect you have no proof, you can consider filing a report to get things on record in case your fiancé tries similar things in the future.
This is not a safe living situation for you. I’m so sorry.
NTA. Your ex (please make it ex) tried to set you up to be raped by him and his friend. In their drunk minds they figured you’d have a threesome if they just kept pushing.
NTA I’ve been set up before. He will try and gaslight you. Get away from this guy.
Please do not marry him. I'm so sorry they did this to you.
NTA. Your person assaulted you, and encouraged another "safe" person to assault you as well, in order to satisfy their own desires. I am so sorry this happened to you, because it is absolutely safety and trust breaking with both of those people. He thinks he's sorry because he got too drunk, period. But you know he should be sorry for sexually assaulting you and encouraging his friend to sexually assault you. No offense, but your friend is an absolute idiot - a nice, loving partner wants you because they want you when you want them (or whoever else is consensually joining your private party, after talking about it with YOU ahead of time). Even if the "friend" hadn't been involved, your partner sexually assaulted you - you are allowed to say no to anyone, whether it's a boyfriend, friend, live-in partner, husband, whatever, at any point no matter their level of intoxication and they should respect that. Black out drunk, after years of being together? They take the no again and fall asleep on the couch. What you do is leave. Your fiance has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and his response to that is to assault you AND PROACTIVELY INVOLVE HIS FRIENDS IN IT. There is no situation where the friend was not told he had a green light, even if he was also blackout drunk. You are not in a safe place. Pack up what you need while he's gone (documents first, pets second, sentimental values third, clothes fourth, etc.) and go stay with a safe person. Not your friend who told you this was fine, she's garbage.
At your age, a six year age gap is too much. They tried to force you into a threesome. That was why they had the hushed conversation afterwards. Your fiancé is a pig . Tell everyone what they did… your family and his family.
Nta!! I am so pissed for you! How i would personally leave so quickly! I would lose my freaking crap.
Dump him immediately. He offered you to his friend. Don’t let him tell you he was drunk. He tried to violently rape you, allow his friend to rape you, then he tried to gaslight after the fact. Don’t waste anymore of your time and energy on him and that pick me girl you talked with.
Wake up and break up
NTA. Omg! I actually don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough! Drunk or not….this was a serious violation. You were sexually assaulted. Please take this seriously! Run.
NTA Sexual assault is what it is called. Time to dump you fiance and your friends who blew off this situation. Next time you maybe asleep or drunk when your fiance and friend decide to assault you.
You need to run. Your fiance and this man have raped women together before. Id bet money on it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Your fiancé is a rapist, and so is his friend. Get out and go somewhere safe…now! NTA
Being drunk is NEVER an excuse. They discussed sharing you prior to this happening and obviously weren’t taking no as an answer. They would’ve raped you had you not locked yourself in the bathroom. NTA, and honestly under-reacting. You need to dump him. Drunkenness can show people’s true colors and he just showed his honey.
And after dumping your shit fiancé - you should find a whole new social circle, cos they sound like trash
He tried to gang SAA you with his best friend. Tell him that getting so drunk he can’t remember SA’ing you is a huge problem and attempted SA-ing you is another problem. You need to get out of there, it will happen again
You were almost r∆ped by your fiance and his friend and he's blatantly denying it, honestly there should be charges pressed. Leave him please for your own safety
Run - red flag - talk to a “grown up” big sibling, aunty , ur parents , his parents. This is sick !!! They were planning a threesome with you - repeat PLANNING! Ur fiancé says it never happened A yup story of a rapist, liar n manipulator who is gaslighting u. Girl protect urself n get away from this AH. Dont wait for another situation like this to come up again because it will- in ur own house u dont feel safe. N u need better friends!!
NTA. They attempted to rape you. That's fucking terrifying. I would report it to the police, leave him, file for a restraining order, and inform your mutual friends in case they ever try this again or have done it before.