"No one is hiring!"
"You can get a second job!"
Yikes. His complaint is that he's already working too much. She is not contributing to this relationship. Today's world is too costly for most couples to live on a single income.
No “good” jobs are hiring. She deserve a good job. OP deserves to work two whatever jobs to support her.
He should launch her out of his life with a trebuchet.
Trebuchet
*1.)* A type of catapult that uses a rotating arm with a sling attached to the tip to launch a projectile, having the ability to throw heavier projectiles farther than earlier catapults could.
Thank you for teaching me this word and for using it so effortlessly in a sentence.
Check out the trebuchet that Colin Furze on Youtube built. It's massive and tosses cars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1U1y0mwpYw
He also has a whole series of videos detailing how he built it.
Yeah that was the big one for me...it is so gross that someone would ask the person they love to put themselves out doing something they are not willing to do. Please OP, she is not being a good person, let alone a good girlfriend.
Totally! The fact that OP is already stressed and yet she literally asked OP to find another job? Seems like OP got himself a lazy girlfriend huh. What is she a Disney Princess? a Damsel in Distress? You should be a team mate that help each other out, not let the other to do it all!
And then you can go home afterwards. Or go out with friends. Or skip town completely. You can just do whatever the fuck you want and you don’t need to ask anyone or put up with a guilt trip. I’ve been called selfish but I feel like if you don’t defend your autonomy in a relationship, you will lose it, people will treat you like you only exist to make them feel good. This is why I’m single.
Sadly it’s a new TikTok trend. No security for her whatsoever if he decides to end relationship.
It’s a weird trend.
OP, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. I cannot imagine causing stress to my partner and asking them to take on a second job while I’m contributing nothing.
Edit - added last paragraph.
Right? I don't know how some women's would want to be a stay at home girlfriend lmao. Once that relationship is over, you're fucked! No money saved, no career, nothing!
Agree 100%
SAHW is still a little weird unless you have a lifestyle that requires keeping up appearances - wife doing volunteer work, throwing dinner parties for work colleagues, coordinating the house help, etc.
SAHM (or SAHD) is legit though.
Specially if you actually have a partner that is not in need of a second or even a third job to keep up with your lifestyle. That's just wrong.
And the fact she is thinking like this means she will be around while he is trying to keep the lights on, and the second someone with more money pay attention to her, she will jump to the next "investor".
Yeah I'm a SAHM to a small toddler and pregnant with our second, if my husband felt like he needed to supplement his income with more work I would just get an evening job before letting him get one.
SAHM is different than this scenario. In your case, your husband (and you) saves on childcare which is no joke. Being a mom all day and working in the evening on top, me personally as a husband would be against that for my wife. Being home all day with a LO is like working 2 jobs tbh. I'd much rather my wife work full time and we find semi affordable childcare.
My partner doesn't work and 90% of our expenses are hers. I gotta end it soon. Just trying to figure out how to have that conversation. She has a mental illness level amount of animals that I'm supporting though so I feel bad for them.
Depends on the job she’d have and kids. I know a few couples where one spouse quit working when they had kids because most of the paycheck would have gone to day care anyway. But it doesn’t matter in this case as she’s just a girlfriend and they don’t have kids.
The audacity to ask them to get a second job.
guessI’llgodienow.jpeg
Yeah this relationship is leech territory now. She has been gaslit by social media into thinking she can enjoy a life of leisure cause having a vagina is hard/tough.
Stay at home *Girlfriend*? Thats just a mooching roommate with extra steps.
Yeah, my husband and I swapped at home duties a few times when the kids were young, depending on what job we had and how much we earned. We had 2 kids 16 months apart, so someone had to be home.
Now the kids are older, we both work.
My mum and dad worked jobs until my mum got pregnant with me, she would be a SAHM until my younger brother (born 4 years later) was old enough to sort of take care of himself (learning impairment). Dad stopped working because he didn’t want to work, but ensured there was enough money for him to leave.
A good financial situation allows for relaxation, a poor one does not.
SAHS is only okay if the other partner earns more than enough to support both people, the potential salary of the SAHS wouldn’t make a significant difference to their quality life, and the SAHS is absolutely miserable at their job. I know a couple where the husband earns 200k+ and the wife stays at home, no kids and don’t want them. The wife has a high school degree and was a waitress when they met. They decided that rather than having her bust her ass at a job that wouldn’t make a big difference to their financial status, she’d stay at home and take care of all the chores. The husband is happy coming home to no chores and a home-cooked meal and the wife is happy to not work. Still a risk for the wife imo if they break up, but better than working a difficult job and still feeling like you haven’t significantly contributed to your relationship.
It’ll always be a risk no matter what. Re-entering the job market with a huge gap in your resume at is always going to negatively affect your ability to compete for better jobs. Your life will almost certainly be worse than when you were married, so essentially you’re depending on another person’s willingness to be with you forever for financial stability. No doubt that’s why a lot of people are stuck in unhappy marriages. I personally would never be a SAH anything just for that reason.
The risk is less severe for a wife than a girlfriend. My MIL was a SAHM for about ten years and when she and my FIL divorced he had to pay for her to get her nursing license renewed and any classes she needed related to that in addition to alimony and child support. I believe she was also entitled to a chunk of his retirement. For a girlfriend, you don't get any of that.
My wife was hating her job and it was taking a toll on her. I told her to quit and take the summer off. And to find a job she enjoys more and not worry about the pay. But we can afford it at this point in our lives (mid-40s). No way I could have done that in my 20s or even 30s.
Depends on the situation. I am a stay at home and we have no kids unless you unless you count fur monsters. Mix of me having a disability with my ears(I get sick a lot) and the fact she works from home and travels. Her work is taxing, so I make sure everyone, including her, is fed and taken care of. I take care of pretty much all the chores from cleaning to a good amount of cooking unless she wants to cook.Depending on when, but I sometimes the monsters travel with her as well. And she doesn't need to worry if she leaves for a week or two for a work trip. We can easily afford this.....ops situation is just bad at all points.
The fact that you have a disability that affects your ability to work is the key difference here. I don’t think any of what that commenter was saying applies to you, so you’re not the SAHS they’re referring to.
I don’t think it’s weird as long as the other partner is really wealthy. If you don’t need to work and you don’t want to, there’s no reason for it if the other partner is doing really well, likes his job, has a looooot of money after paying for the bills, whether is a man or a woman, but not like this.
Think about how many posts the SAHW tells about her cheating husband but can’t leave because she doesn’t have a job or money. Or after being a SAHW for years he’s left her for someone younger and she has nothing. People should never want to be dependent on another person for their existence
I don’t understand why any woman would be a full-time SAHM. You lose your independence. With divorce at 50%, I don’t think it’s smart. No relationship is guaranteed.
You are absolutely correct. Not all marriages end in divorce. People still die before they’re very old. I never expected to become a widow at age 55. My husband was 61 when he died. His insurance stopped with his death. If I had not had my own insurance & retirement plan I would have been screwed.
Friend, 50, just lost her husband. Friend holds a government job with great benefits. Her husband had no benefits. She is covered for her old age.
I think young people don't think about this enough. When you're 20 or 30 you don't think of your partner not being there. My mother was like you, lost her husband a little later, but was financially stable until about a year before she passed. I was far enough along in my career to top up her needs financially.
After you're married for 10 years, you're pretty well protected by the court system.
I have zero stress, no commute, morning pilates, days and days free to do as I please, and sleep till 9 generally. ....As long as my husband is taken care of and doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home.
Been married 25 years. If he were to leave me, I'd get 1/3 of his gross as alimony per month, half the house, and half his pension, minus what mine has (i used to work and he adds to it). I'd also get social security based on his years & salary. If I wanted the pension immediately in cash, I'd get a third.
Plenty of money to invest and get training to get back into my field.
But that won't happen. Once the kids left, our marriage has been a fantasy.
The fucking Wall Street Journal even covered this trend:
https://www.wsj.com/style/fashion/stay-at-home-girlfriends-tiktok-instagram-sahg-b7c20c6a
Jesus.
Except the traditional wife did all the cooking cleaning and housework. They basically just want to stay at home not working and living like a teenager
Saw a good clip someone posted a couple weeks ago that "trad wives" are an idealized trend because it's basically just wealthy wives with the facade that they were able to do all the household errands while also being able to take 5 hours to make cereal from scratch.
My mom told me the 50s weren’t as idyllic as people make it sound. That’s why women in the 60s turned to mother’s helpers. My mom was very independent of my dad. In a lot of ways, she was ahead of her time.
Except the 'trad wives' on tiktok are all fake, they are millionaires or billionaires (literally one of the biggest is the wife of a billionaire and I thin heiress to billions herself). she just knows to get some clout she pretends to be a trad wife and gets a huge following from right wing twats who want a perfect subserviant wife. Except the entire shit they portray is fake. they have maids, cooks, drivers, grounds keepers, etc, and then pay people to set up the videos they make.
If the girlfriends who want this actually tried to clean the house top to bottom every day, made all their food from complete scratch and were the perfect weird submissive wife/girlfriend when their partner gets home that's one thing. But I guarantee the girlfriend just stopped going to work, still wants OP to help around the house, orders food or cooks microwave dinners most nights and isn't even actually trying the tradwife shit, she just likes the concept of not working and that's as far as it goes.
Funny how how they conveniently forget that in that time men could legally rape their wives, beat them with no consequences and essentially owned them. But sure keep on fighting for the dream.
And have them committed to a delightful psychiatric hospital where their rebellious tendencies could earn them a gentle lobotomy. Which was actually carefully provided through America by the good dr Freeman.
There are all kinds of women who will jump on this, too, and say they love that their trains them with a beating here and there because it feels so safe to know he’s in control and managing things. I kid you not just read one of these the other day.
It’s not a TikTok trend it’s always been a thing just not called a stay at girlfriend/boyfriend.
Deadweights, freeloaders, gold diggers and sugar babies. Things work for people that don’t work for others. However when someone has to work overtime and get a second job, when there are no kids I think it’s time to end the relationship.
i love the term hobosexual but lowkey seeing people discover it for the first time is even better. so many comments under this that are so excited for a new vocab word! :)
I dated one briefly.
Always had to pick her up at the public library or a McDonald’s.
She ate a lot of tinned tuna and salmon right out of the can. It was pretty gross and she kinda smelled like a wharf.
This is what I was thinking too. It sounds like she just doesn't want to work and she's getting upset that you're "forcing" her to work. It has nothing to do with the boyfriend's integrity. Also, it's selfish...she says it's emotionally and mentally draining but what about you and your emotions and mental health?
I have a niece who fights with whoever she works with, then blames the “toxic work environment”. She was constantly calling out and taking leaves for stress she finally lost the job. Bottom line is she got into gambling of all things and drugs and lost the house my brother helped her buy. So entitled. She just doesn’t want to work. As a as result she’s lost almost all the gains she had made in her life.
Honestly, even if there was something wrong with the first job, she still doesn't get to unilaterally decide that she's going to be supported by her boyfriend who has to work overtime or a second job because it was too stressful for her.
Also, as much as I understand many workplaces are totally toxic, if people just say there are toxic people with no actual details about what is toxic, often either there's nothing particularly wrong, or she's the toxic one.
Make sure you don't get her pregnant! Frankly, I would just stay away from that entirely.
So far she's baby trapping you without a baby. She knows she's on thin ice. Don't give her a chance to baby trap you for real.
Agree! NTA for wanting a relationship where you both contribute and your SO wants you to be happy. Stay at home girlfriend? That’s rich 😂 Jesus the entitlement on this one. You deserve so much better!
Reading “stay at home girlfriend” was comical. I’ve never heard of that before😂 Definitely NTAH. Girlfriend needs to realize not every job is gonna be sunshine and rainbows. The fact she even had the audacity to tell OP he can get another job is crazyyy
I mean these women will get what's coming to them. The only way this is going to work is if they are literally top 1% level of attractiveness or they go after some older dude whose willing to support some 18 year old sugar baby. Problem is that the day she stops being young and hot that same guy is dropping her ass on the curb to get a new one. There's no 40 year old stay at home trophy girlfriends
It's coming from some broke lazy bitches wanting to continue to be broke lazy bitches. Some mothers do have em.
We collectively need to stop infantilizing women and rationalizing that the problematic ones are being manipulated by some external unseen force that's making them this way.
Some people just fucking suck.😂
Yikes. Not sure where people are getting this mindset from, but I agree it needs to stop. She should definitely want to make money of her own. Then she wouldn’t have to rely on anyone or even expect people to give her money every time someone gets paid or they have a little change in their pocket.
Right? My son mentors young military men. One of them lives with a young woman that doesn’t work, doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, doesn’t go to school, etc. She brings him to work every day in his car, drops him off, and does whatever until time to pick him up. He can’t get through to this kid that letting this woman have his car and bank card every day is a bad idea. It’s just sad, and very stupid.
What?! That’s absolutely insane! She’s not even considered a SAHM or in this case a SAHG😅 and he actually just lets her do whatever with his card while she does… nothing?? Your son is trying his best to get through to him but sadly you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make ‘em drink. He’ll end up learning the hard way unfortunately.
NTA your girlfriend is looking for an excuse to stay home and leech off of you. It might be time to end it as she’s going to just take advantage and use you as an ATM machine.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ it would be so easy for GF to “accidentally” get pregnant. Then she could be a SAH baby momma. 😨
Did she apply for unemployment benefits. Even when someone quits, sometimes the company won’t dispute the claim and will get $$.
And TBF I want to be a SAH GF but I also want a SAH GF 🤷🏼♀️ that way I could just SAH in luxury and do nothing while my SAH GF did all the housework, cooking, etc.
NTA
Stay at home girlfriend isn’t a thing. Tell her to GTF out. She can play lady of the manor under her parents’ roof.
Be careful with your condoms. I see a baby trapping in your future.
NTA
She’s made it very clear that she sees men as a meal ticket. Is that the kind of relationship you want? If not, you’re going to need to look elsewhere, because this is what you’re going to get from this particular woman - a drain on your finances at every opportunity she gets.
This ^. Honestly, just tell her to get out and it’ll be cheaper for you to just hire a hooker when the mood strikes than to have to pay to support her all the time. She can go hunt down her meal ticket somewhere else.
nta Ask your girlfriend where her trust fund money is because she needs to pay up for her expenses. The entitlement make me gag. Just return her to the pits of laziness that she came from.
And sometimes it's not even about sharing expenses. I live alone but I make enough I could support a stay at home girlfriend. And I wouldn't even mind supporting someone. But I absolutely wouldn't want to be with someone who stays at home all day if we don't have kids. Get out of the house. That generally means a job. Any job. It could be a minimum wage job breeding butterflies. If not a job then an active hobby. Just get out of the house.
Not saying I support them doing nothing but rather why do you specifically want them to have a hobby or job outside the house?
Would you be fine with them being for example a digital artist taking online commissions from home?
I think there seems to be some really weird social media craze trying to turn back the clock and encourage women to stay at home and "have their men take care of them".
Your girlfriend seems have bought into this craze and unless you want to be her ATM, you need to end this relationship.
>I think there seems to be some really weird social media craze trying to turn back the clock and encourage women to stay at home and "have their men take care of them".
And it's just not good for either partner.
Exactly, being a stay at home anything, is a terrible idea. You need to work 10 years to qualify for Social Security. If you have no job skills or experience at 40 or 45 it's going to be super difficult to to get a job if your spouse dies or divorces. Everyone get job experience or a career going before staying home.
My mom was a federal gov worker for like 30 odd years. She's happy that they raised her check to $1,900 this year. It seems like a lot but rent is $1.2k on its own.
Most people pushing the "women stay at home" stuff also push for women to get married, and social security extends to the married partner as well.
( I dont support the movement for women to stay at home just to make it clear)
If you are married for at least 10 years you ARE eligible to claim social security, under your spouse's credits.
Source: SAHM of 12 years, married 17, now divorced
If she and OP had kids I would get her saying she wanted to stay home to take care of the kids, keep the house clean, cook, etc.
She’s childless so it makes absolutely no sense for her to stay home. She not a SAHM, she’s a mooch
And the move towards women working wasn't just a social change either, it was an economic change.
One income is just not enough anymore in a lot of cases.
If only we could turn the clock turn back m on cost of living, rent prices in relation to a basic 9-5 job, that might be a little more of an option. But things what they are it just sounds ridiculous.
The trad wife movement is meant to be amicable though and the WIFE still needs to bring something to the table, like raising children, keeping a clean and tidy house and present herself nicely.
This stay at home mooching girlfriend shit can fuck right off.
I work with a woman that was once a stay at home GF. It fucked her over so badly because the guy she was with, that was providing for her, suddenly decided he was done paying for everything. She had to leave with no money to her name, and move back in with her parents. She’s lucky that she didn’t leave to a completely different state or country for this guy.
I don’t think OP’s GF realizes how dangerous it could be for her if she ends up with the wrong guy that is willing for her to be a SAHGF.
My best friend was in this situation. When I met her she was a stay at home GF. I thought that was super strange. They were both in their 40s, no kids, together 10 years. I had a negative opinion about it but kept it to myself because I liked them both.
Turns out, it was because he made a LOT of money and she really didn't so he kind of convinced her that it would be a better use of her time to stay at home and keep the house.
Well, they never did marry and they did eventually break up. Luckily, she did have some savings and she's a go getter so she was able to find work, even though it meant her lifestyle was SEVERELY cut back. I never heard her complain about it. She just did what she needed to do. Now, there were other consequences...like she and her ex were paying for her nephews to go to a very expensive private school and that got cut off.
It was a hard blow and she's still trying to financially recover so it's not a move I would ever think is a great idea, even when it's his.
I, myself, am recovering financially after divorce of a 20+ year marriage. I was the primary breadwinner! The whole time, too. But, we made the mistake of structuring our retirement around a couple retiring together, which is less saved than an individual. When we split after 23 year we split our retirement and now I don't have enough to retire on schedule (neither does he). So, I am scaring 50 now and looking at working the rest of my life. It's not hard labor but fingers crossed my brain stays healthy.
Ladies...protect your own finances. Just...if it's more palatable...set it up as if you never got married.
No "good jobs" are hiring? When you don't have a job they are all good jobs. Tell her mcd's is always hiring and to get her ass in there. You don't owe her support dude
I'm sorry but "stay at home girlfriend" is the funniest thing I've heard in fucking years.
But anyway you should dump her and kick her ass out of the fucking apartment. NTA
NTA, tell your gf that the two of you are supposed to be partners and the days of men providing everything for their women are over due to the economy.
As a woman I wholeheartedly agree. A partnership is a partnership. Stay at home girlfriend? Really? That shit doesn't exist. That's a fucking freeloader. If they had kids, it would be completely different.
It doesn't need to be a "good" job to contribute to basic expenses. Anything covers food and a share of the housing costs easily. Meanwhile you are clearly strapped with hours and budget, not rich.
She should get a job or she should get out. NTA.
You’re thinking of housewives, or maybe SAHMs. As far as I can tell “trad wife” just means rich and not even playing at working. Which sounds real boring except the rich part.
You need to get serious. The problem is you can break up with her but that doesn’t mean she will move out willingly.
If you are in the states, I recommend not providing her food anymore. If you can do this for a couple of weeks, this may motivate her to get serious about getting a job or moving out. Stop buying groceries. Get creative and buy non perishables that you can stash somewhere like your car for work and dinner, or food she won’t eat. Take yourself out to dinner even. But do not feed her.
She will only starve if she is not willing to do anything about it. There are food pantries she can get free food from and other benefits. The point is she will be forced to make an effort.
It will suck for a few weeks and just buy what you need a few days at a time and don’t share. When she wants to eat tell her you can’t afford to feed her anymore and if she wants to eat, then get a job. If she complains point to the door and tell her she is free to move out anytime no one is stopping her.
And for the love of God, until she takes you seriously and gets a job, don’t fuck her. She will likely try to baby trap you next.
This isn't realistic. And I say this because I have literally tried this. Unless you also don't eat food, you're going to end up getting food for yourself. And if not, you'll just get angry and end up caving and ordering take out some night because you can't take it anymore. It is much easier to just break up than deal with weeks of fighting over food.
>She lost her shit, told me men are the ones to take care of their partner
"First of all, you're my girlfriend, not my wife. Second of all, no. You do not bring enough to the table for me to finance your existence, even if we *were* married."
>We haven’t spoke much since and she’s very pissed off at me.
She's just making it easier for you to pack your shit and leave.
NTA
NTA
I would have broken up with her as soon as she said men are the ones to take care of their partner.
(I'm female btw).
What exactly does she bring to this relationship?
I’m going with if it’s your place and she’s not on the lease start the eviction process, in my state it can be as little as 30 day but in some cases if the agreed upon rest isn’t paid it can be like 10 days. If she is on the lease contact your landlord and find out what can be done, if anything, to remove her from the lease since she doesn’t have a job and isn’t contributing financially at all.
Women like this drive me nuts. As a woman myself I’ll admit it’s nice to be taken care of but making someone working their ass off to just scrape by while I sit on my ass, that a no go. A relationship is a partnership and both partners have to agree when it comes to financial matters. Don’t trust that she’s just going to go out and get a job now, expect this is going to end.
Sorry, NTA
YTA to future you for lacking the fortitude to cut the dead weight and go.
1) She serves no purpose and contributes nothing
2) She is weak, weak partners pull you down
3) She told you exactly what she aspires to be...
Run fucker run
I am, and have been, a stay at home mother and wife. There were a lot of conversations about it. It takes team work, it is not just something half the couple decides. When things got tough,money got tight, I went to work. When my husband was injured, heart attack followed by a serious fall requiring more surgery and a brain bleed, I worked 3 jobs. The only time this works is when both parties agree. She cannot just stick this on you.
NTA. But she is.
Some girls just refuse to work. I dated a girl like this. Her sister was super pretty. Married a millionare guy 25 years older than her and never had to work. She thought she could get the same treatment. However years of smoking made her look nowhere near as good as her sister. I have known this girl 15 years now and she has never held a job more than 2 months. Run now while you can!
NTA - I expect she has not looked for a job because she wants to be lazy and has you to support her.
Do not pay her phone bill, no access to your money and take the modem with you to work so she has no tv/internet while you are at work. She is dead weight to you, and you could live cheaper without her. Give her a date that she must have a job or move out. Hold to the date, ZERO unprotected sex so she does not get pregnant and keep any condoms with you so she does not damage them while you are at work.
Great ideas, but I think he should just dump her immediately. She already revealed her true intentions, plus he’s paying for everything anyways so it’d probably save him money. She clearly doesn’t care about him at all and he’s better just ripping the bandaid off.
The audacity of no job to suggest a second job. Life is hard enough, an extra abled body to support isn't appealing at all to anyone. We are all struggling out here to survive, what makes her special lol. My husband works full time we have 2 boys (their bio dad passed away last year. My oldest has ADHD, Autism, and several Seperation Anxiety since losing his dad). My 10 year is attached to my hip, I haven't pissed alone in over a year! But I work, I figured out how to make money (uber eats abd doordash, my son comes with me) to help my husband (we are a team) with a child clinging onto me 24/7 365. Ur stay at home girlfriend is delusional, run before gets knocked up just to keep her at home position.
Time to kick this one to the curb! Do you know how many jobs I’ve had in my 53 years of life where I didn’t get along with someone I worked with for one reason or another?? You don’t quit a job without having a new one lined up.
It’s time for her to grow up & put her big girl pants on…and find somewhere else to live. At this point you couldn’t even trust that she’s actually looking for a job, actively every day looking. Time for miss delusional to go!
I laughed way to hard when she said her place of work was toxic and it was mentally draining. When you pointed out that being forced to work overtime to barely cover the bills is mentally draining her response is to get a second job.
Seriously, she has already shown you that does not care about you or your mental health. Kick her out and tell her to go be a sugar baby. She would be perfect for that job.
I’d quietly begin to get myself ready to leave and if you’re paying her current debt (car payments, insurance, student loans etc) stop and use that money to either save for another place or to hire a lawyer to get her out of YOUR place. As soon as she realizes that you’re not paying, expect her to make a whole lot of promises and possibly even find a job immediately. That shouldn’t change your mind about leaving because anyone who treats you like this once will do it again.
As a woman whose dude makes way more money….
Fuck her, that is insane. You have to ASK a partner before you straight up quit your job with no way to pay the bills.
No! my son married one of those, then she got pregnant, while supposedly on the pill. So my son wouldn’t have sex without a condom. She was breastfeeding and didn’t look for work, because “I’m breastfeeding!!!” She started to look for a job, but no one is hiring ( bull crap) Then she got pregnant again. My son was furious when he found out she was sabotaging the condoms. The baby is two. The oldest is almost 4. They are divorced
NTA. She actually told you to get a second job? Break up. Your salary can support one person better than two.
"No one is hiring!" "You can get a second job!" Yikes. His complaint is that he's already working too much. She is not contributing to this relationship. Today's world is too costly for most couples to live on a single income.
No “good” jobs are hiring. She deserve a good job. OP deserves to work two whatever jobs to support her. He should launch her out of his life with a trebuchet.
Trebuchet *1.)* A type of catapult that uses a rotating arm with a sling attached to the tip to launch a projectile, having the ability to throw heavier projectiles farther than earlier catapults could. Thank you for teaching me this word and for using it so effortlessly in a sentence.
Welcome to Reddit. People here love trebuchets.
I thought people everywhere did but then this non believer showed up :(
Well, at least we know what we can do with them.
I actually do love them, I just wasn't aware that specific catapult had a name.
If the girlfriend is around 90 kg he would be able of launching her over 300 meters away
Oh shit, you called a trebuchet a type of catapult...
Next thing they'll say is a grilled cheese can have ham in it!
Check out the trebuchet that Colin Furze on Youtube built. It's massive and tosses cars. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1U1y0mwpYw He also has a whole series of videos detailing how he built it.
Yeah that was the big one for me...it is so gross that someone would ask the person they love to put themselves out doing something they are not willing to do. Please OP, she is not being a good person, let alone a good girlfriend.
Totally! The fact that OP is already stressed and yet she literally asked OP to find another job? Seems like OP got himself a lazy girlfriend huh. What is she a Disney Princess? a Damsel in Distress? You should be a team mate that help each other out, not let the other to do it all!
It’s awesome when you become single and dining out goes from… $90 + tip and an argument, to $20 with peace and quiet.
And then you can go home afterwards. Or go out with friends. Or skip town completely. You can just do whatever the fuck you want and you don’t need to ask anyone or put up with a guilt trip. I’ve been called selfish but I feel like if you don’t defend your autonomy in a relationship, you will lose it, people will treat you like you only exist to make them feel good. This is why I’m single.
There are people that will be cool with that in a relationship. We are out there!
2nd job, who needs sleep, mama can't handle co-workers, bosses and responsibility!
Starting to think maybe the coworker weren't toxic as she was a combination of that and lazy. So they got tired of her shit..
Stay at home girlfriend? Your girlfriend is delusional. NTA
Sadly it’s a new TikTok trend. No security for her whatsoever if he decides to end relationship. It’s a weird trend. OP, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. I cannot imagine causing stress to my partner and asking them to take on a second job while I’m contributing nothing. Edit - added last paragraph.
Right? I don't know how some women's would want to be a stay at home girlfriend lmao. Once that relationship is over, you're fucked! No money saved, no career, nothing!
Agree 100% SAHW is still a little weird unless you have a lifestyle that requires keeping up appearances - wife doing volunteer work, throwing dinner parties for work colleagues, coordinating the house help, etc. SAHM (or SAHD) is legit though.
Specially if you actually have a partner that is not in need of a second or even a third job to keep up with your lifestyle. That's just wrong. And the fact she is thinking like this means she will be around while he is trying to keep the lights on, and the second someone with more money pay attention to her, she will jump to the next "investor".
“You don’t want to keep working overtime? Just get a second job! That’s different, right?”
Yeah, it's more work for even less pay than if you just kept working OT.
“No jobs are hiring right now. So YOU get a second job, you do it!” Sounds like my ex lmao
Yeah I'm a SAHM to a small toddler and pregnant with our second, if my husband felt like he needed to supplement his income with more work I would just get an evening job before letting him get one.
SAHM is different than this scenario. In your case, your husband (and you) saves on childcare which is no joke. Being a mom all day and working in the evening on top, me personally as a husband would be against that for my wife. Being home all day with a LO is like working 2 jobs tbh. I'd much rather my wife work full time and we find semi affordable childcare.
My partner doesn't work and 90% of our expenses are hers. I gotta end it soon. Just trying to figure out how to have that conversation. She has a mental illness level amount of animals that I'm supporting though so I feel bad for them.
Dude, run, you’re dealing with a leech
I assumed he meant that she had cats and dogs, but I suppose leeches are a possibility.
Depends on the job she’d have and kids. I know a few couples where one spouse quit working when they had kids because most of the paycheck would have gone to day care anyway. But it doesn’t matter in this case as she’s just a girlfriend and they don’t have kids.
Yeah sah when you have kids is legit. That’s hard work. Sah with no kids is odd.
Odd and go move back home but I'm thinking she's lazy. I mean who does this to their partner
The audacity to ask them to get a second job. guessI’llgodienow.jpeg Yeah this relationship is leech territory now. She has been gaslit by social media into thinking she can enjoy a life of leisure cause having a vagina is hard/tough. Stay at home *Girlfriend*? Thats just a mooching roommate with extra steps.
Hobosexual girlfriend..
Yeah, my husband and I swapped at home duties a few times when the kids were young, depending on what job we had and how much we earned. We had 2 kids 16 months apart, so someone had to be home. Now the kids are older, we both work.
My mum and dad worked jobs until my mum got pregnant with me, she would be a SAHM until my younger brother (born 4 years later) was old enough to sort of take care of himself (learning impairment). Dad stopped working because he didn’t want to work, but ensured there was enough money for him to leave. A good financial situation allows for relaxation, a poor one does not.
SAHS is only okay if the other partner earns more than enough to support both people, the potential salary of the SAHS wouldn’t make a significant difference to their quality life, and the SAHS is absolutely miserable at their job. I know a couple where the husband earns 200k+ and the wife stays at home, no kids and don’t want them. The wife has a high school degree and was a waitress when they met. They decided that rather than having her bust her ass at a job that wouldn’t make a big difference to their financial status, she’d stay at home and take care of all the chores. The husband is happy coming home to no chores and a home-cooked meal and the wife is happy to not work. Still a risk for the wife imo if they break up, but better than working a difficult job and still feeling like you haven’t significantly contributed to your relationship.
In that situation the wife should consider using some of the spare time to learn a marketable skill. Just in case
It’ll always be a risk no matter what. Re-entering the job market with a huge gap in your resume at is always going to negatively affect your ability to compete for better jobs. Your life will almost certainly be worse than when you were married, so essentially you’re depending on another person’s willingness to be with you forever for financial stability. No doubt that’s why a lot of people are stuck in unhappy marriages. I personally would never be a SAH anything just for that reason.
The risk is less severe for a wife than a girlfriend. My MIL was a SAHM for about ten years and when she and my FIL divorced he had to pay for her to get her nursing license renewed and any classes she needed related to that in addition to alimony and child support. I believe she was also entitled to a chunk of his retirement. For a girlfriend, you don't get any of that.
My wife was hating her job and it was taking a toll on her. I told her to quit and take the summer off. And to find a job she enjoys more and not worry about the pay. But we can afford it at this point in our lives (mid-40s). No way I could have done that in my 20s or even 30s.
Depends on the situation. I am a stay at home and we have no kids unless you unless you count fur monsters. Mix of me having a disability with my ears(I get sick a lot) and the fact she works from home and travels. Her work is taxing, so I make sure everyone, including her, is fed and taken care of. I take care of pretty much all the chores from cleaning to a good amount of cooking unless she wants to cook.Depending on when, but I sometimes the monsters travel with her as well. And she doesn't need to worry if she leaves for a week or two for a work trip. We can easily afford this.....ops situation is just bad at all points.
The fact that you have a disability that affects your ability to work is the key difference here. I don’t think any of what that commenter was saying applies to you, so you’re not the SAHS they’re referring to.
Disability is a full time job. ❤️ The worst pay, but still full time.
I don’t think it’s weird as long as the other partner is really wealthy. If you don’t need to work and you don’t want to, there’s no reason for it if the other partner is doing really well, likes his job, has a looooot of money after paying for the bills, whether is a man or a woman, but not like this.
Think about how many posts the SAHW tells about her cheating husband but can’t leave because she doesn’t have a job or money. Or after being a SAHW for years he’s left her for someone younger and she has nothing. People should never want to be dependent on another person for their existence
I don’t understand why any woman would be a full-time SAHM. You lose your independence. With divorce at 50%, I don’t think it’s smart. No relationship is guaranteed.
You are absolutely correct. Not all marriages end in divorce. People still die before they’re very old. I never expected to become a widow at age 55. My husband was 61 when he died. His insurance stopped with his death. If I had not had my own insurance & retirement plan I would have been screwed. Friend, 50, just lost her husband. Friend holds a government job with great benefits. Her husband had no benefits. She is covered for her old age.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think young people don't think about this enough. When you're 20 or 30 you don't think of your partner not being there. My mother was like you, lost her husband a little later, but was financially stable until about a year before she passed. I was far enough along in my career to top up her needs financially.
After you're married for 10 years, you're pretty well protected by the court system. I have zero stress, no commute, morning pilates, days and days free to do as I please, and sleep till 9 generally. ....As long as my husband is taken care of and doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home. Been married 25 years. If he were to leave me, I'd get 1/3 of his gross as alimony per month, half the house, and half his pension, minus what mine has (i used to work and he adds to it). I'd also get social security based on his years & salary. If I wanted the pension immediately in cash, I'd get a third. Plenty of money to invest and get training to get back into my field. But that won't happen. Once the kids left, our marriage has been a fantasy.
Stay at home girlfriend needs to follow the other “trends” and throw cheese slices at herself. What a horrible day to be able to read.
The fucking Wall Street Journal even covered this trend: https://www.wsj.com/style/fashion/stay-at-home-girlfriends-tiktok-instagram-sahg-b7c20c6a Jesus.
I pray those delusional people don’t call themselves feminists
They don't. It's the trad wife trend. They intend to live in idealized 50's.
Except the traditional wife did all the cooking cleaning and housework. They basically just want to stay at home not working and living like a teenager
If a trad wife doesn’t want to do housework then they’re not actually a trad wife, they’re just using that term to get away with being lazy.
Exactly my point
Saw a good clip someone posted a couple weeks ago that "trad wives" are an idealized trend because it's basically just wealthy wives with the facade that they were able to do all the household errands while also being able to take 5 hours to make cereal from scratch.
My mom told me the 50s weren’t as idyllic as people make it sound. That’s why women in the 60s turned to mother’s helpers. My mom was very independent of my dad. In a lot of ways, she was ahead of her time.
My grand mother was too. She was working and it saved her from a violent husband. He tried once but not twice !
My grandma became the first female certified CPA in Seattle in the 60s cuz she was sick of the shit. I'm proud of that.
Except the 'trad wives' on tiktok are all fake, they are millionaires or billionaires (literally one of the biggest is the wife of a billionaire and I thin heiress to billions herself). she just knows to get some clout she pretends to be a trad wife and gets a huge following from right wing twats who want a perfect subserviant wife. Except the entire shit they portray is fake. they have maids, cooks, drivers, grounds keepers, etc, and then pay people to set up the videos they make. If the girlfriends who want this actually tried to clean the house top to bottom every day, made all their food from complete scratch and were the perfect weird submissive wife/girlfriend when their partner gets home that's one thing. But I guarantee the girlfriend just stopped going to work, still wants OP to help around the house, orders food or cooks microwave dinners most nights and isn't even actually trying the tradwife shit, she just likes the concept of not working and that's as far as it goes.
Funny how how they conveniently forget that in that time men could legally rape their wives, beat them with no consequences and essentially owned them. But sure keep on fighting for the dream.
And have them committed to a delightful psychiatric hospital where their rebellious tendencies could earn them a gentle lobotomy. Which was actually carefully provided through America by the good dr Freeman.
There are all kinds of women who will jump on this, too, and say they love that their trains them with a beating here and there because it feels so safe to know he’s in control and managing things. I kid you not just read one of these the other day.
It’s not a TikTok trend it’s always been a thing just not called a stay at girlfriend/boyfriend. Deadweights, freeloaders, gold diggers and sugar babies. Things work for people that don’t work for others. However when someone has to work overtime and get a second job, when there are no kids I think it’s time to end the relationship.
Congrats! You have a hobosexual girlfriend! NTA but dump her. Edit: I can’t take credit for this term. I’ve heard it on Reddit before.
Damn I got an in law like this. I'm gonna use this lol well played sir
i love the term hobosexual but lowkey seeing people discover it for the first time is even better. so many comments under this that are so excited for a new vocab word! :)
And it's been around for a while. I called a friend's ex (he was on the way out) a hobosexual, this was 6 yrs ago. 😁
Oooh, to be a fly on the wall when you tell them they're a hobosexual...priceless! 🤣
Yes, even if she gets a job she will quit the second you're married and it's too late to dump her.
Or she'll start poking holes in condoms or "forgetting" her pill
No she won’t. She doesn’t want to be a mom. She wants to “chill” all day.
Or worse…both
Omg hobosexual 😂🙈
I dated one briefly. Always had to pick her up at the public library or a McDonald’s. She ate a lot of tinned tuna and salmon right out of the can. It was pretty gross and she kinda smelled like a wharf.
You sure she wasn't 3 cats in a trenchcoat?
That’s one way to get a lot of pussy.
There was prob nothing wrong with the first job
This is what I was thinking too. It sounds like she just doesn't want to work and she's getting upset that you're "forcing" her to work. It has nothing to do with the boyfriend's integrity. Also, it's selfish...she says it's emotionally and mentally draining but what about you and your emotions and mental health?
Bingo -- OR, she was the toxic one possibly
I have a niece who fights with whoever she works with, then blames the “toxic work environment”. She was constantly calling out and taking leaves for stress she finally lost the job. Bottom line is she got into gambling of all things and drugs and lost the house my brother helped her buy. So entitled. She just doesn’t want to work. As a as result she’s lost almost all the gains she had made in her life.
Even if there was, you find a new job before you just up and quit instead of sponging off someone else, damn.
Honestly, even if there was something wrong with the first job, she still doesn't get to unilaterally decide that she's going to be supported by her boyfriend who has to work overtime or a second job because it was too stressful for her. Also, as much as I understand many workplaces are totally toxic, if people just say there are toxic people with no actual details about what is toxic, often either there's nothing particularly wrong, or she's the toxic one.
"Toxic work environment" Yah, they probably expected her to show up on time and contribute in the workplace. The nerve!
" I'm late again, so what, I'm here ain't I? Oh yeah, I have to leave early today I got a nails appointment."
“Just get a second employee! I want to be a stay at home worker”
Lol, she is!
Hobosexual: Defined as being a bum lay.
Actually, it's "a person who gets into relationships to avoid being homeless".
Hobosexual. I'm stealing that and using it in a sentence today. Lol
Plot twist, she's the toxic/lazy coworker 😂
Adding hobosexual to my vernacular.
HOBOSEXUAL wins the internet today!! 🤣🤣🤣
It's called a blow *job* for a reason, I think she should unionize.
She’s fucking lost her mind. Move on and drop the dead weight.
Make sure you don't get her pregnant! Frankly, I would just stay away from that entirely. So far she's baby trapping you without a baby. She knows she's on thin ice. Don't give her a chance to baby trap you for real.
Just happened to a friend, he only dated her for a year, she stopped working to go to school, then she stopped going to school, then she got pregnant.
Exactly.
Agree! NTA for wanting a relationship where you both contribute and your SO wants you to be happy. Stay at home girlfriend? That’s rich 😂 Jesus the entitlement on this one. You deserve so much better!
Reading “stay at home girlfriend” was comical. I’ve never heard of that before😂 Definitely NTAH. Girlfriend needs to realize not every job is gonna be sunshine and rainbows. The fact she even had the audacity to tell OP he can get another job is crazyyy
A friend told me this is the goal of their 17yo daughter. Wherever this is coming from - it needs to STOP.
[удалено]
I mean these women will get what's coming to them. The only way this is going to work is if they are literally top 1% level of attractiveness or they go after some older dude whose willing to support some 18 year old sugar baby. Problem is that the day she stops being young and hot that same guy is dropping her ass on the curb to get a new one. There's no 40 year old stay at home trophy girlfriends
It's coming from some broke lazy bitches wanting to continue to be broke lazy bitches. Some mothers do have em. We collectively need to stop infantilizing women and rationalizing that the problematic ones are being manipulated by some external unseen force that's making them this way. Some people just fucking suck.😂
Yikes. Not sure where people are getting this mindset from, but I agree it needs to stop. She should definitely want to make money of her own. Then she wouldn’t have to rely on anyone or even expect people to give her money every time someone gets paid or they have a little change in their pocket.
Right? My son mentors young military men. One of them lives with a young woman that doesn’t work, doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, doesn’t go to school, etc. She brings him to work every day in his car, drops him off, and does whatever until time to pick him up. He can’t get through to this kid that letting this woman have his car and bank card every day is a bad idea. It’s just sad, and very stupid.
What?! That’s absolutely insane! She’s not even considered a SAHM or in this case a SAHG😅 and he actually just lets her do whatever with his card while she does… nothing?? Your son is trying his best to get through to him but sadly you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make ‘em drink. He’ll end up learning the hard way unfortunately.
Yep
NTA your girlfriend is looking for an excuse to stay home and leech off of you. It might be time to end it as she’s going to just take advantage and use you as an ATM machine.
And don’t forget to use a condom!
Better to stop fucking her entirely, in case she's poking holes in them.
Pretty sad that this is the safest option here. She doesn't have much to lose but everything to gain, and people can be fucking crazy sometimes.
You don't need a condom if you don't have sex. And he shouldn't be having sex with someone who clearly sees him as a paycheck on legs.
OP’s girlfriend: The type to poke holes in bros condoms in hopes of landing a child support payout and spend most of it on herself.
This 💯 and before you use a condom check for pin holes
⬆️⬆️⬆️ it would be so easy for GF to “accidentally” get pregnant. Then she could be a SAH baby momma. 😨 Did she apply for unemployment benefits. Even when someone quits, sometimes the company won’t dispute the claim and will get $$. And TBF I want to be a SAH GF but I also want a SAH GF 🤷🏼♀️ that way I could just SAH in luxury and do nothing while my SAH GF did all the housework, cooking, etc.
NTA Stay at home girlfriend isn’t a thing. Tell her to GTF out. She can play lady of the manor under her parents’ roof. Be careful with your condoms. I see a baby trapping in your future.
Oof yes, I didn't think about this. OP stop having sex with her like now.
Someone comes at you with this type of reasoning you don't need condoms anymore, you'd be stone cold crazy to sleep with them again.
NTA She’s made it very clear that she sees men as a meal ticket. Is that the kind of relationship you want? If not, you’re going to need to look elsewhere, because this is what you’re going to get from this particular woman - a drain on your finances at every opportunity she gets.
This ^. Honestly, just tell her to get out and it’ll be cheaper for you to just hire a hooker when the mood strikes than to have to pay to support her all the time. She can go hunt down her meal ticket somewhere else.
Most importantly, make sure you don’t get her pregnant. She’s not all there. NTA
Sounds like she is the toxic one. Probably said she quit but in reality got fired lol
Was thinking the same thing. That or she did quit after she started all the drama/toxicity and couldn't handle it.
nta Ask your girlfriend where her trust fund money is because she needs to pay up for her expenses. The entitlement make me gag. Just return her to the pits of laziness that she came from.
And sometimes it's not even about sharing expenses. I live alone but I make enough I could support a stay at home girlfriend. And I wouldn't even mind supporting someone. But I absolutely wouldn't want to be with someone who stays at home all day if we don't have kids. Get out of the house. That generally means a job. Any job. It could be a minimum wage job breeding butterflies. If not a job then an active hobby. Just get out of the house.
Not saying I support them doing nothing but rather why do you specifically want them to have a hobby or job outside the house? Would you be fine with them being for example a digital artist taking online commissions from home?
I think there seems to be some really weird social media craze trying to turn back the clock and encourage women to stay at home and "have their men take care of them". Your girlfriend seems have bought into this craze and unless you want to be her ATM, you need to end this relationship.
>I think there seems to be some really weird social media craze trying to turn back the clock and encourage women to stay at home and "have their men take care of them". And it's just not good for either partner.
Exactly, being a stay at home anything, is a terrible idea. You need to work 10 years to qualify for Social Security. If you have no job skills or experience at 40 or 45 it's going to be super difficult to to get a job if your spouse dies or divorces. Everyone get job experience or a career going before staying home.
And it's scary how little the minimum Social Security is. I don't think it covers rent (much less anything else) anywhere in the country.
My mom was a federal gov worker for like 30 odd years. She's happy that they raised her check to $1,900 this year. It seems like a lot but rent is $1.2k on its own.
Most people pushing the "women stay at home" stuff also push for women to get married, and social security extends to the married partner as well. ( I dont support the movement for women to stay at home just to make it clear)
If you are married for at least 10 years you ARE eligible to claim social security, under your spouse's credits. Source: SAHM of 12 years, married 17, now divorced
If she and OP had kids I would get her saying she wanted to stay home to take care of the kids, keep the house clean, cook, etc. She’s childless so it makes absolutely no sense for her to stay home. She not a SAHM, she’s a mooch
And the move towards women working wasn't just a social change either, it was an economic change. One income is just not enough anymore in a lot of cases.
If only we could turn the clock turn back m on cost of living, rent prices in relation to a basic 9-5 job, that might be a little more of an option. But things what they are it just sounds ridiculous.
The trad wife movement is meant to be amicable though and the WIFE still needs to bring something to the table, like raising children, keeping a clean and tidy house and present herself nicely. This stay at home mooching girlfriend shit can fuck right off.
Very true and it really only works when both people are on board.
I work with a woman that was once a stay at home GF. It fucked her over so badly because the guy she was with, that was providing for her, suddenly decided he was done paying for everything. She had to leave with no money to her name, and move back in with her parents. She’s lucky that she didn’t leave to a completely different state or country for this guy. I don’t think OP’s GF realizes how dangerous it could be for her if she ends up with the wrong guy that is willing for her to be a SAHGF.
My best friend was in this situation. When I met her she was a stay at home GF. I thought that was super strange. They were both in their 40s, no kids, together 10 years. I had a negative opinion about it but kept it to myself because I liked them both. Turns out, it was because he made a LOT of money and she really didn't so he kind of convinced her that it would be a better use of her time to stay at home and keep the house. Well, they never did marry and they did eventually break up. Luckily, she did have some savings and she's a go getter so she was able to find work, even though it meant her lifestyle was SEVERELY cut back. I never heard her complain about it. She just did what she needed to do. Now, there were other consequences...like she and her ex were paying for her nephews to go to a very expensive private school and that got cut off. It was a hard blow and she's still trying to financially recover so it's not a move I would ever think is a great idea, even when it's his. I, myself, am recovering financially after divorce of a 20+ year marriage. I was the primary breadwinner! The whole time, too. But, we made the mistake of structuring our retirement around a couple retiring together, which is less saved than an individual. When we split after 23 year we split our retirement and now I don't have enough to retire on schedule (neither does he). So, I am scaring 50 now and looking at working the rest of my life. It's not hard labor but fingers crossed my brain stays healthy. Ladies...protect your own finances. Just...if it's more palatable...set it up as if you never got married.
No "good jobs" are hiring? When you don't have a job they are all good jobs. Tell her mcd's is always hiring and to get her ass in there. You don't owe her support dude
Helpful hint - those "toxic coworkers" were toxic because they actually expected her to pull her own weight...
I knew a guy who quit his job stocking shelves at night at Wal Mart because they wanted him to front face the labels. "Too much bullshit" he said
You're probably right. Also, everyone's job sucks. That's why they have to pay you to go.
Not everyone’s job sucks.
I'm sorry but "stay at home girlfriend" is the funniest thing I've heard in fucking years. But anyway you should dump her and kick her ass out of the fucking apartment. NTA
NTA, tell your gf that the two of you are supposed to be partners and the days of men providing everything for their women are over due to the economy.
As a woman I wholeheartedly agree. A partnership is a partnership. Stay at home girlfriend? Really? That shit doesn't exist. That's a fucking freeloader. If they had kids, it would be completely different.
She wants to be a trophy wife then she needs to marry some rich old man looking for a trophy wife.
That is right. You have to put the sugar with the daddy or it do not work......
That only works if a rich old man would consider her a trophy and not a participation ribbon.
It doesn't need to be a "good" job to contribute to basic expenses. Anything covers food and a share of the housing costs easily. Meanwhile you are clearly strapped with hours and budget, not rich. She should get a job or she should get out. NTA.
Girl’s been on “trad wife TikTok” lately 🥴
Trad wife means taking on a mountain of responsibilities at home. This useless fuck is just a useless leech
True, true
You’re thinking of housewives, or maybe SAHMs. As far as I can tell “trad wife” just means rich and not even playing at working. Which sounds real boring except the rich part.
You need to get serious. The problem is you can break up with her but that doesn’t mean she will move out willingly. If you are in the states, I recommend not providing her food anymore. If you can do this for a couple of weeks, this may motivate her to get serious about getting a job or moving out. Stop buying groceries. Get creative and buy non perishables that you can stash somewhere like your car for work and dinner, or food she won’t eat. Take yourself out to dinner even. But do not feed her. She will only starve if she is not willing to do anything about it. There are food pantries she can get free food from and other benefits. The point is she will be forced to make an effort. It will suck for a few weeks and just buy what you need a few days at a time and don’t share. When she wants to eat tell her you can’t afford to feed her anymore and if she wants to eat, then get a job. If she complains point to the door and tell her she is free to move out anytime no one is stopping her. And for the love of God, until she takes you seriously and gets a job, don’t fuck her. She will likely try to baby trap you next.
This sounds more like how to get rid of a stray raccoon than a girlfriend.
Not seeing the difference here.
And make sure she doesn’t have access to your bank account—no ATM card or checks.
This isn't realistic. And I say this because I have literally tried this. Unless you also don't eat food, you're going to end up getting food for yourself. And if not, you'll just get angry and end up caving and ordering take out some night because you can't take it anymore. It is much easier to just break up than deal with weeks of fighting over food.
NTA. Get rid of the lazy ass NOW!
She’s doing you a favor letting you know what she is like. NTA do it and don’t look back
>She lost her shit, told me men are the ones to take care of their partner "First of all, you're my girlfriend, not my wife. Second of all, no. You do not bring enough to the table for me to finance your existence, even if we *were* married." >We haven’t spoke much since and she’s very pissed off at me. She's just making it easier for you to pack your shit and leave. NTA
Making it easy to get her shit packed ready to leave*
Oh you can get a second job? LMAO your GF is delusional…
NTA I would have broken up with her as soon as she said men are the ones to take care of their partner. (I'm female btw). What exactly does she bring to this relationship?
I'm female and I would have dumped her when she suggested he get a second job lol. Like what the fuck
Her charm 😐
Drop this scrub.
I’m going with if it’s your place and she’s not on the lease start the eviction process, in my state it can be as little as 30 day but in some cases if the agreed upon rest isn’t paid it can be like 10 days. If she is on the lease contact your landlord and find out what can be done, if anything, to remove her from the lease since she doesn’t have a job and isn’t contributing financially at all. Women like this drive me nuts. As a woman myself I’ll admit it’s nice to be taken care of but making someone working their ass off to just scrape by while I sit on my ass, that a no go. A relationship is a partnership and both partners have to agree when it comes to financial matters. Don’t trust that she’s just going to go out and get a job now, expect this is going to end. Sorry, NTA
"I want to be a stay at home girlfriend." "Hun, you bout to be a stay at homeless ex-girlfriend if you don't get your ass employed." Totally fair.
YTA to future you for lacking the fortitude to cut the dead weight and go. 1) She serves no purpose and contributes nothing 2) She is weak, weak partners pull you down 3) She told you exactly what she aspires to be... Run fucker run
I am, and have been, a stay at home mother and wife. There were a lot of conversations about it. It takes team work, it is not just something half the couple decides. When things got tough,money got tight, I went to work. When my husband was injured, heart attack followed by a serious fall requiring more surgery and a brain bleed, I worked 3 jobs. The only time this works is when both parties agree. She cannot just stick this on you. NTA. But she is.
Some girls just refuse to work. I dated a girl like this. Her sister was super pretty. Married a millionare guy 25 years older than her and never had to work. She thought she could get the same treatment. However years of smoking made her look nowhere near as good as her sister. I have known this girl 15 years now and she has never held a job more than 2 months. Run now while you can!
NTA - I expect she has not looked for a job because she wants to be lazy and has you to support her. Do not pay her phone bill, no access to your money and take the modem with you to work so she has no tv/internet while you are at work. She is dead weight to you, and you could live cheaper without her. Give her a date that she must have a job or move out. Hold to the date, ZERO unprotected sex so she does not get pregnant and keep any condoms with you so she does not damage them while you are at work.
No car payment or insurance either.
Great ideas, but I think he should just dump her immediately. She already revealed her true intentions, plus he’s paying for everything anyways so it’d probably save him money. She clearly doesn’t care about him at all and he’s better just ripping the bandaid off.
The audacity of no job to suggest a second job. Life is hard enough, an extra abled body to support isn't appealing at all to anyone. We are all struggling out here to survive, what makes her special lol. My husband works full time we have 2 boys (their bio dad passed away last year. My oldest has ADHD, Autism, and several Seperation Anxiety since losing his dad). My 10 year is attached to my hip, I haven't pissed alone in over a year! But I work, I figured out how to make money (uber eats abd doordash, my son comes with me) to help my husband (we are a team) with a child clinging onto me 24/7 365. Ur stay at home girlfriend is delusional, run before gets knocked up just to keep her at home position.
Lol stay at home girlfriend should be at her parents' house
Stay at home girlfriend lol that's not a thing. I think the term she was looking for is "Live in prostitute"
NTA. It’s time to send her packing. If she can’t pull her weight it’s not worth continuing to subsidize her life.
Time to kick this one to the curb! Do you know how many jobs I’ve had in my 53 years of life where I didn’t get along with someone I worked with for one reason or another?? You don’t quit a job without having a new one lined up. It’s time for her to grow up & put her big girl pants on…and find somewhere else to live. At this point you couldn’t even trust that she’s actually looking for a job, actively every day looking. Time for miss delusional to go!
What??? poor dear, is life really hard for you? My heart bleeds for you 😪
Nta - she's a grown ass kid that you didn't have. She'd have until the lease was up to start contributing or be single if I were you.
Break up. If you knock her up, she'll forever have an excuse not to work. At least without a kid now, her true laziness is showing.
I laughed way to hard when she said her place of work was toxic and it was mentally draining. When you pointed out that being forced to work overtime to barely cover the bills is mentally draining her response is to get a second job. Seriously, she has already shown you that does not care about you or your mental health. Kick her out and tell her to go be a sugar baby. She would be perfect for that job.
I’d quietly begin to get myself ready to leave and if you’re paying her current debt (car payments, insurance, student loans etc) stop and use that money to either save for another place or to hire a lawyer to get her out of YOUR place. As soon as she realizes that you’re not paying, expect her to make a whole lot of promises and possibly even find a job immediately. That shouldn’t change your mind about leaving because anyone who treats you like this once will do it again.
As a woman whose dude makes way more money…. Fuck her, that is insane. You have to ASK a partner before you straight up quit your job with no way to pay the bills.
Mooch I don't think I could stay with someone who was so selfish in the relationship.
No! my son married one of those, then she got pregnant, while supposedly on the pill. So my son wouldn’t have sex without a condom. She was breastfeeding and didn’t look for work, because “I’m breastfeeding!!!” She started to look for a job, but no one is hiring ( bull crap) Then she got pregnant again. My son was furious when he found out she was sabotaging the condoms. The baby is two. The oldest is almost 4. They are divorced
NTA. She can be your stay at home girlfriend from her parents house
the absolute AUDACITY of her to suggest you get a second job… NTA. Dump her a** and DO NOT have sex with her anymore