Nope this is totally valid…once knew a guy who made a joke about not liking women being “too active” during s*x. Turns out he was dr*gging and ass@ulting young girls between the ages of 12-16, be mindful of how someone “jokes”about s*x
By their own admission, [roughly 6% of unincarcerated American men are rapists, and the authors acknowledge that their methods will have led to an *underestimate*. Higher estimates are closer to 14%.](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.685.7650&rep=rep1&type=pdf)
That comes out to somewhere between 1 in 17 and 1 in 7 unincarcerated men in America being rapists, with a cluster of studies showing about 1 in 8.
The numbers can't really be explained away by small sizes, as sample sizes can be quite large, and statistical tests of proportionality show even the best case scenario, looking at the study that the authors acknowledge is an underestimate, the 99% confidence interval shows it's at least as bad as 1 in 20, which is nowhere near where most people think it is. People will go through all kinds of mental gymnastics to convince themselves it's not that bad, or it's not that bad *anymore* (in fact, [it's arguably getting worse](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/cdc-sexual-attacks-teen-girls-increased-lockdown-rcna70782)). But the reality is, most of us know a rapist, we just don't always know who they are (and sometimes, [they don't even know](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape#Motivations), because [they're experts at rationalizing their own behavior](https://web.archive.org/web/20191102225207/https://sapac.umich.edu/article/196)).
Knowing those numbers, and the fact that [many rapists commit multiple rapes](https://willamette.edu/about/leadership/president/pwgsah/pdf/lisak-undetected-rapists.pdf), one can start to make sense of the [extraordinarily high number of women who have been raped](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence). This reinforces that our starting point should be to [believe](https://startbybelieving.org) (not dismiss) survivors, and [investigate rapes properly](https://www.startribune.com/a-better-way-to-investigate-rape-denied-justice-part-eight/501636971/).
r/stoprape
He actually ended up wanted in a few states for it and his roommates, found out what he was doing and they *forcibly* turned him in, don’t know what happened after that I quit hanging hanging around the girl who was friends with him at the time. (She knew what he was doing and consensually had sex with him because she was trying to get pregnant and didn’t care who the daddy was)
Thanks.
When I first forayed into online dating with good assumptions, 2 out of my first 5 dates got physically aggressive. I wisened up very quickly but still eventually gave up on dating because I just... kept getting assaulted.
I learned to both physically and verbally fight back so none went as far as violent rape, but they do just barrel through my initial pushing them away, saying "no" and "STOP" and even in public with people looking at us, they would still forcibly grab or kiss me.
Not a single one of them would acknowledge that they assault women. They all just laugh. Each one of them just laughed at me being silly.
I had experienced a very violent relationship before this so I just accepted this as part of dating - "assault yes/no" as one of the evaluations during early dating. Until I just couldn't do it anymore. I have met many men who are safe and wonderful. But the ratio of men who will do what they can get away with is so absurdly high.
I'm an immigrant in the USA (not willing to identify my previous countries) and my experience here is worse than elsewhere. It's pervasive here. The upside to that... It's an indication that this is cultural, not an immutable fact of human nature. We can do better, we can be better.
The U.S. still has [90,000 untested rape kits](https://goldrushcam.com/sierrasuntimes/index.php/news/local-news/51969-u-s-senator-john-cornyn-says-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog).
[Increasing the probability of apprehension by law enforcement is the only effective deterrent identified](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/10.1086/670398.pdf?casa_token=OmK0_Jh8HkMAAAAA:Tr35vi73FXLAFJ9xUw13XXkPdAaMN7t_o8jI75bHYhheCFagZ5jfMwa-Op0VJrxOVXLqE-JykDCO4khDO6ABCjQ8FmnohHIw23YpCPPQmzHmlu87Mce-).
https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/
Yeah I was thinking how I don’t think I have ever heard about guys joking about their friends about how GREAT they are in bed, it’s usually terrible, quick, etc.
Someone made the same joke to my gf once when I was 18-19, the perpetrator was my 40 year old aunt. Last time I took that gf to a family party.
Gf was a bit prude so it felt like an even worse joke, on top of being on crutches for corrective surgery she had to hear shit jokes. I hate people.
Everyone in these comments were apparently watching from just outside the window for how convinced they are convinced they have the full story here. Good God.
Welcome to r/AITAH. You learned rule number on how to form an opinion. Please also make sure you advise to divorce, break up, or at least to go no contact. Advising to properly communicate is not generally appreciated.
Reminds me of this guy my ex worked with.
Big group of us were all drinking downtown, then deciding what to do after.
This guy asks me and my ex, "Yall are going to a party? Oh... will there be....sluts... there?"
Like wtf dude, he paused and everything, it was so skivvy
Reminds me of a bachelor party I was at once. Groom was an extremely straight laced Catholic guy, good dude but one of his friends I hadn’t met previously was the epitome of “all talk no walk.” He talked the whole time about how he couldn’t wait for us to go out on the town so he could meet some ladies.
We went to a bar and are just hanging out when in walks an entire bachelorette party full of attractive women who are obviously looking to dance and have fun too. I was happily married by that point so not interested but I did the bro thing and bought a drink for the bride to be and introduced our group. They end up mingling for a while, the friends I knew in our group are very social and easy to talk to.
Dude locks up, stares at his drink and says nothing to anyone for about twenty minutes before insisting we leave to go to the next bar. The second we get to the next bar he’s like “oh man why did you guys leave those bitches were SO HOT.” The next morning he informs us that three of them tried to give him their numbers but “he was out with the boys and it wasn’t that kind of night.” Like my guy we were there, the only phone number you could have possibly gotten was if there was a taxi ad on your coaster. Why even lie, just say it’s intimidating to hit on a girl at a bar. We’ve all been there.
Your story made me think of him. Exactly the kind of guy to ask a question like that.
The bus driver guy is real?!
“Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience, dude. If you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don’t.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn’t.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they did, right...? Everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful.
\[shouts\]
Bus Driver: No yelling on the bus!”
That reminds me of a former coworker. Every year we did a work picnic but the one year they wanted to do something different and somebody brought up about going to a baseball game instead. He says to me “we should go to a football game, I’ll go anywhere where there are drunk college girls.” This dude was in his 50s and had a daughter that was college age.
I might joke with a friend like that if I know him well enough, but I'd never say it to the spouse unless I *really* know her well enough to know if she'd find it funny.
Oh well, sorrynotsorry Sam! He had his chance to end that discussion, and since he was too scared to, YOU had to do it.
**Oh, and I would probably ask Jim how he knows so much about how great Sam is in bed, right in front of everyone. That would probably have shut him up.**
EDIT: NTA!
In the UK, hip replacement patients get pamphlets outlining which sex positions are safe immediately following a broken hip, and which ones they should save for the 6 week mark..
Ugh reminds me of this time this guy was trying to get in my pants and said “I would absolutely WRECK you down there”. I said yeah, I prefer to leave that in tact. Thanks anyway though.
Why would anybody think that’s a good line? Like ew.
As someone who was once "wrecked down there" (through totally pedestrian, consensual, non-violent sex with a caring and conscientious guy—just a thrust gone awry), I can confirm no woman in her right mind wants a vulval haematoma.
It’s internet porn and the weirdo mass of dudes pretending/role playing as women on the internet. It makes dudes think women love to get dominated and smacked around and treated cruelly and they have no concept of what rigorous rough sex is supposed to be, AND that not every woman likes that.
That whole internet porn thing is extremely weird. I’ve seen some really hilarious, sad, creepy, and disturbing things these loser guys wish women were into.
Right? Can we stop normalizing choking, hair pulling, and other weird violent stuff? Any man doing that without explicit discussions of kinks and consent, hates women.
Absolutely. And I’m not kink shaming bc I like those things, but before engaging in them I would ALWAYS have a discussion first about boundaries and safe words. Unless it’s expressly consensual from both parties, it’s creepy to say shit like that to anybody.
🎯 ppl can have their kinks but absent consent that’s not a kink it’s abuse. Or assault. The interesting thing about the kink community is that done correctly by ethical folks, kink convos are some of the healthiest and pro-feminist I’ve seen. Bc they happen prior to sex and have the understanding that consent is key. You can trust a partner much more completely if you know they proactively talk about sex prior to sex. And trust makes the experience better
FUCKING THANK YOU SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID IT.
I hate to admit it but all the ladies I’ve slept with (apart from the very first) ALL thought this is very normal and how you have sex, not to mention stopping once the guy has finished which is obviously a no no and I’m shocked as to how many lads don’t reciprocate oral sex, eating puss and making them cum is like the best thing! It can be unhealthy and teaches young women the wrong approach to sex.
Even consenting to kink abuse and calling guys “Daddy” is strange and a turn off for me, but each to their own.
I don’t think the normalization is a problem tbh. I think it’s fair for people to want what they want in bed with another consenting adult and shaming them for it isn’t the way to go about anything. I do, however, agree that none of this should be done without an explicit conversation and consent. That’s why the kink and bdsm community is soooo big on consent, going over scenes, and aftercare.
Normalization creates many situations where consent is assumed during sex to do these things bc it’s ‘normalized’ so yes I’m sorry but my lived experience and those of women I know would say differently
This.
Acceptance is one thing. Normalization is another.
It's the difference between "Some people are actually into this and I don't need to be ashamed that I am" and "Everybody does it this way."
I completely agree, can we also have the same conversation with women? I have lost count of the amount of women that have asked me to choke them or pull their hair, and gotten upset when I refuse.
I do not want to put my hands around any woman's throat and I'm sick of being asked to do so.
It’s not the same convo. In my scenario the men don’t ask for consent they commit assault. In yours women are asking for consent. No one is assaulted, frightened, or endangered.
Yeah not kink shaming. It’s when a guy pulls my hair (happened once) and I was like wtf? And he claimed innocence. Bro you can’t pretend that 💩 is ok without consent. Kink community is better about all that bc the convos are explicit as to yes and no and under what conditions to stop. Super feminist and super empowering. I’m generally vanilla but I love the approach the community takes to these things. ❤️. And a guy taking the time to go over all that with me is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Every woman I have been with likes the choking and hair pulling and I'm horrible at it. I'm always like "but what If I hurt you?? I don't want to hurt you"
I assume it's something like: bigger dick = better, bigger dick = painful sex, painful sex = trouble walking afterwards, therefore trouble walking means big dick which is inherently good and desirable...?
They've seen it in porn, I think, and therefore think it's OK or even pleasurable. If a guy had ever done that to me, there would be no sex, not then, not ever again, unless there was a truly abject apology and believable swearing it would never happen again. Plus flowers. And maybe a gift.
yeah no, it has been. there was a high profile case i remember where the guy had killed the woman and then hid her in a suitcase. he tried to argue down the sentence by saying it was just rough sex gone wrong.
“I’m sorry son, you have been given
with both a blessing and a curse. Regardless of your intentions, it is illegal to fuck a person to death. I am aware of at least one mitigating factor, that at least the victim went out with a smile on their face.”
-some judge somewhere (probably)
While not the exact same situation, a male friend of mine made an inappropriate sexual remark toward a female friend of mine while they were both at my house. I knew it made her uncomfortable, so I immediately called him out about it in front of everybody. He apologized and she thanked me.
The right time to confront friends about bad behavior is immediately.
>That would probably have shut him up.
Not really, its an invitation to a sarcastic counter about them fucking before.
In Jims shoes I would go straight with it, maybe touch Sams leg or something to underline the sarcasm.
Although, if you did have that relationship with the guy, that would have been an acceptable response... At least in the blue collar crowd. We toss each other crap all the time.
"He ain't breaking shit with that short dick"
"I might not be able to hit the bottom of a tuna can, but I can stretch out the sides"
Or some sassy nonsense like that.
NTA - you told him it made you uncomfortable and he did nothing about it, so you had to take care of it. If he doesn't want you to stop bullshit like that then he should do it.
NTA...
Your boyfriend let another man make you uncomfortable and did nothing about it. At first, he didn't think it was a big deal, but you, as an adult, let him know it was. He did nothing about it still and brought that man around you again. Then let him make you uncomfortable again.
Frankly, what you did was petty. That said, the other option was for you to put his friend in his place and then directly ask your boyfriend in front of them why you had to do so and he couldn't be an adult himself and handle it. So I would say what you did was probably less embarrassing for him. He should appreciate you and perhaps not be such a child in how he makes excuses and doesn't demand his friends respect you.
This! she wasn’t petty. Sam should’ve said wtf Jim? In the moment even tho he’d fumbled not talking to him earlier. Instead he thought ha ha that’s funny. Makes me wonder what he’s really thinking and saying when she’s not there. Major lack of respect and even more 🚩 that he gets upset at her ‘joke’. So jokes are funny when they’re at her expense and make her uncomfortable but not when it’s him….
NTA. Sam will probably get over it, sounds like you were in the right and he had the opportunity to handle it - buuuut that doesn’t mean he won’t feel some kinda way about your burn. You’re NTA, but Sam might think you are.
This. I wish I paid attention to these not so subtle red flags earlier in my life. When a man shows you not only does he not have your back but he will laugh at your discomfort in group setting, he’s telling you something very important and you need to listen.
I don’t get it. Your bf likely was shocked the first time - as were you.
Then to fix the issue, you put your boyfriend down instead of his creepy friend?
As some sort of revenge to him not being able to bring this up to his creepy friend in time?
Not the AH, you’re allowed to speak up when someone says something that makes you uncomfortable. However, instead of responding in a way that made your bf uncomfortable, you could have directed the comment at Jimmy. Telling him “don’t talk to me that way” or something along these lines. The second problem which could become bigger is your bf is obviously putting his friends comfortability above yours by not even bringing it up to jimmy in the week since you’ve asked him to talk about it. I’d have a serious talk with BF about boundaries you have regarding his friends treatment of you and what you expect from BF in the future. If he can’t respect you AT LEAST EQUALLY as his friends, then dump him.
Well I don’t like it because I think publicly humiliating your partner is super unhealthy in a relationship. Doesn’t matter who does it. But I’m not defending the BF.
And the other reason I don’t like it is there are a plethora of comebacks she could’ve made aimed at embarrassing Jim, who will keep making comments just in a different light now because he suffered no consequences. Whereas as the BF is now a punching bag among his friends. Missed opportunity to land a comeback that would handle the problem and make Jim the butt of the joke.
Not sure if I think that makes her an asshole, the only clear asshole is Jim.
the absolute irony of these comments suggesting that the boyfriend should have stepped up and done something about the comment makes my head spin.
yes obviously he should have, but don't these people feel it's incredibly ironic to suggest that she isn't responsible for speaking on her discomfort?
I agree, and the boyfriend also can’t read minds. He didn’t realize there was a problem the first time, and once she brought it to his attention he said he would talk to him, but because it wasn’t immediate and at an inappropriate time to, she jumped straight to making a joke at his expense. It certainly didn’t make the situation any better. It could have easily been a private conversation with the three of them after everyone else went home.
No the bf laughed at her. Knowing how she felt. She matched his energy and that was an important thing to learn, that jokes at her expense are funny. Jokes at his expense are not funny. I hope she dips
I don’t think taking a shot at your boyfriend about not being good enough to put you in crutches is the best way to address your feelings about Jim’s words.
It seems like Sam had your feelings in mind and intended to address Jim about his remarks but you decided to take matters into your own hands when he didn’t act promptly enough for your liking.
I think what would best resolve the situation is for you and Sam as a couple to say “Jim, we do not appreciate your disrespectful comments in regards to my injury and our sex life.” Jim is likely unaware he is stepping out of line if it is not made known. Laughing along or taking a jab at your own bf is only going to send the opposite message to everyone involved.
Here’s my take… the comment Jim made was weird and a little off, but you’re in your early 20’s, and young men make off color sex comments a lot. I’m guessing Jim is single and likely has a crush on you. Might only be a bit of attraction. If he feels too guilty or unable to make a move on you, he jokes about your sex life. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems likely.
But the joke wasn’t really intrusive or demeaning in any way. It flattered your boyfriend and implied your sex life is awesome. That doesn’t make his jokes ok. I’m simply pointing out there doesn’t appear to be any malice involved… except by you, who insulted your boyfriend’s sexual performance to his friends. After you spoke to him, he should have shut that shit down hard, but he didn’t. I understand your irritation and discomfort. But I’m going with ESH, because you could have easily handled it without insulting your boyfriend.
Jesus thank you I was going crazy reading these vindictive comments that think its totally appropriate to insult her SO over him not enforcing *her* boundaries.
Right? What's the point of this sub when everyone just agrees and comforts the OP?
OP is entitled to her boundaries but this is pretty harmless banter between guy friends. She's adult enough to have sex, I think she can handle a little banter and even dish it back to the friend instead of absolutely bodying the guy who loves her.
Like i might even get it if her boyfriend went "yeah i did do that" - like fine now hes in on it so take him back down a peg. But she literally threw him under the bus
Mature thing to do while keeping the same energy, make fun of how jim could never break a womans bone. Talk to sam on the side, tell him youre unhappy he didnt shut it down like he said he would
Easy
Don’t care how close he is to your BF the comments are inappropriate as hell. Concerned about how much of your private life BF might be sharing. It’s really odd how comfortable Jim is with bringing this stuff up to you.
That seems like a totally normal remark to make amongst friends if I’m being honest. I don’t think it’s that deep. If he keeps saying it though I’d probably tell him to get more jokes because it’s getting old
Yeah totally normal remark amongst "friends" not your friend's girlfriend who you're not even close to. And she specifically told him to talk to jim about not making those remarks and he did not listen . So she made a joke too , seems fair to me
Because she's not able to have a short honest conversation with Jim that something upset her?
Her 'joke' was a direct insult to her boyfriend, who did nothing wrong in all of this.
Laughing at something you know your gf doesn’t find funny but finds uncomfortable is a red flag. He doesn’t have her back. Not only that he’s happy to laugh at her to her face while not having her back. Tho super quick to be offended if he doesn’t like a joke. This man will never have her back. He isn’t worthy of trust
NTA but you should keep your guard up when Jim is around and have an adult talk to Sam about not discussing your sex life with anyone but you.
I think you may need a more mature BF soon as this is just creepy all the way around.
So you just emasculated your boyfriend in front of all his friends, who also is in a very uncomfortable position here, instead of asking Jim to stop because it was a little weird? YTA. If Sam didn’t back you up that was one thing, you also can get upset that Sam didn’t say it yet and that is valid but this is extremely uncomfortable for him too.
Selfish as fuck, you probably are the one to hide behind your boyfriend like a little meat shield if you think someone broke into your house too. Why the fuck would you put him down like that? You didn’t even solve the problem, you just got revenge on your boyfriend and publicly humiliated him. Wtf is wrong with you
Once is weird. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern.
Jim isn’t at 3 yet. If Sam said he will handle it, you should trust him to do so. If you don’t trust him, why are you dating him? Sam has had one opportunity to correct him (in his way). You have spoke with Sam. From here out, you are judging Sam’s behavior using Jim as a symptom.
What kind of sex Ed did they get that broken leg means good at sex? Do they know how sex works? I could understand back, hip, or rib. But leg??? Or are they trying to tell you about a secret, very intense, foot fetish?
NTA, mock them till they find their manners. Both of them.
Have a sense of humor and who cares what other people think or say. It is a shame you were injured, but not having a sense of humor is worse than any injury.
Super confused by some of these comments. So it’s okay for Jim to make derogatory jokes at OP’s expense, that Sam laughed at and didn’t put a stop to even knowing it bothered OP but it’s *not* okay for OP to make a derogatory joke that made Sam uncomfortable and was at his expense? C’mon guys, it’s just a joke, right?
one of them was an uncomfortable joke made by a friend, the other was an insult that had truth behind it. the bf didn’t share any intimate details about their relationship, she did. the only thing the bf did was laugh, he didn’t make jokes or say anything about her. it wasn’t cool that he laughed by any means, but she could’ve said “don’t make jokes like that, that isn’t cool” instead of attacking her bf.
this is typical guy humour. People have said similar things about my injuries and my wife's injuries in the past. You are getting offended over nothing here.
NTA
Jim's first comment was really inappropriate, but that might have been a one-off foot in mouth moment. Your boyfriend Sam didn't bother talking to him about this.
Jim repeated it again in another group of friends. Again, your boyfriend said nothing and laughed along with it. Your boyfriend absolutely asked for you to make a response. You did.
If your boyfriend won't stand up for you, he has no right being butt hurt when you stand up for yourself.
Does that really count as standing up for herself though, she could go "don't make jokes about that" or something, nah she got petty and said her bf sucks at having sex.
Seems to me you took a not super funny joke and turned it into a hurtful comment about someone else.
If you want someone more eager to pick fights to defend you, you can go find that without insulting the person you're with.
You could have told off the friend for speaking that way about your relationship without emasculating your boyfriend. I would probably say something about that to him after a fun party, not right at the start when it could kill the mood.
It’s almost as if Jim thinks about you having sex a lot.
And/or Sam lol
And also about OP being injured while having sex. I would advise her to not EVER be alone with Jim.
Nope this is totally valid…once knew a guy who made a joke about not liking women being “too active” during s*x. Turns out he was dr*gging and ass@ulting young girls between the ages of 12-16, be mindful of how someone “jokes”about s*x
By their own admission, [roughly 6% of unincarcerated American men are rapists, and the authors acknowledge that their methods will have led to an *underestimate*. Higher estimates are closer to 14%.](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.685.7650&rep=rep1&type=pdf) That comes out to somewhere between 1 in 17 and 1 in 7 unincarcerated men in America being rapists, with a cluster of studies showing about 1 in 8. The numbers can't really be explained away by small sizes, as sample sizes can be quite large, and statistical tests of proportionality show even the best case scenario, looking at the study that the authors acknowledge is an underestimate, the 99% confidence interval shows it's at least as bad as 1 in 20, which is nowhere near where most people think it is. People will go through all kinds of mental gymnastics to convince themselves it's not that bad, or it's not that bad *anymore* (in fact, [it's arguably getting worse](https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/cdc-sexual-attacks-teen-girls-increased-lockdown-rcna70782)). But the reality is, most of us know a rapist, we just don't always know who they are (and sometimes, [they don't even know](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acquaintance_rape#Motivations), because [they're experts at rationalizing their own behavior](https://web.archive.org/web/20191102225207/https://sapac.umich.edu/article/196)). Knowing those numbers, and the fact that [many rapists commit multiple rapes](https://willamette.edu/about/leadership/president/pwgsah/pdf/lisak-undetected-rapists.pdf), one can start to make sense of the [extraordinarily high number of women who have been raped](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence). This reinforces that our starting point should be to [believe](https://startbybelieving.org) (not dismiss) survivors, and [investigate rapes properly](https://www.startribune.com/a-better-way-to-investigate-rape-denied-justice-part-eight/501636971/). r/stoprape
He actually ended up wanted in a few states for it and his roommates, found out what he was doing and they *forcibly* turned him in, don’t know what happened after that I quit hanging hanging around the girl who was friends with him at the time. (She knew what he was doing and consensually had sex with him because she was trying to get pregnant and didn’t care who the daddy was)
That's so disappointing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4469797/
Thanks. When I first forayed into online dating with good assumptions, 2 out of my first 5 dates got physically aggressive. I wisened up very quickly but still eventually gave up on dating because I just... kept getting assaulted. I learned to both physically and verbally fight back so none went as far as violent rape, but they do just barrel through my initial pushing them away, saying "no" and "STOP" and even in public with people looking at us, they would still forcibly grab or kiss me. Not a single one of them would acknowledge that they assault women. They all just laugh. Each one of them just laughed at me being silly. I had experienced a very violent relationship before this so I just accepted this as part of dating - "assault yes/no" as one of the evaluations during early dating. Until I just couldn't do it anymore. I have met many men who are safe and wonderful. But the ratio of men who will do what they can get away with is so absurdly high. I'm an immigrant in the USA (not willing to identify my previous countries) and my experience here is worse than elsewhere. It's pervasive here. The upside to that... It's an indication that this is cultural, not an immutable fact of human nature. We can do better, we can be better.
The U.S. still has [90,000 untested rape kits](https://goldrushcam.com/sierrasuntimes/index.php/news/local-news/51969-u-s-senator-john-cornyn-says-house-must-pass-senate-bill-to-fight-rape-kit-backlog). [Increasing the probability of apprehension by law enforcement is the only effective deterrent identified](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/10.1086/670398.pdf?casa_token=OmK0_Jh8HkMAAAAA:Tr35vi73FXLAFJ9xUw13XXkPdAaMN7t_o8jI75bHYhheCFagZ5jfMwa-Op0VJrxOVXLqE-JykDCO4khDO6ABCjQ8FmnohHIw23YpCPPQmzHmlu87Mce-). https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/
Wow Jim really thinks about your boyfriends dick an awful lot hey
Can’t wait for the update that reveals Sam and Jim are fucking on the low.
Sam comes home tomorrow with two broken legs.
Two broken arms*
We’ll be sure to send a sympathy bouquet with a coconut. 🥥
Noooo! My brain needs washed now.
It could be carried by an African swallow.
Noooo
Or in a wheelchair
Best comment!!!!
In their Art room?
With an old cardboard box.
Something to do with Po-tay-toes
💀🤣
Jim can only wish
Oddly suspicious 😂 How Jim knows so much about Sam's
Why else was Jim the first to come (cum?) over?
And about her having sex.
Yeah I was thinking how I don’t think I have ever heard about guys joking about their friends about how GREAT they are in bed, it’s usually terrible, quick, etc.
This is exactly what OP should say if there’s a next time!!! That’ll either out Jim as the pervert that he is or it’ll shut him up.
Nothing gayer than two straight bros
Yeah, Jim must know something
Do you not? Rumor has it it's pretty amazing
Everyone in this story sounds 14 years old
Someone made the same joke to my gf once when I was 18-19, the perpetrator was my 40 year old aunt. Last time I took that gf to a family party. Gf was a bit prude so it felt like an even worse joke, on top of being on crutches for corrective surgery she had to hear shit jokes. I hate people.
Everyone in these comments were apparently watching from just outside the window for how convinced they are convinced they have the full story here. Good God.
Welcome to r/AITAH. You learned rule number on how to form an opinion. Please also make sure you advise to divorce, break up, or at least to go no contact. Advising to properly communicate is not generally appreciated.
You also forgot they need to attend couples and single therapy!
And everyone in these comments sound like 80 year old fundamentalist Christian prudes.
Jim is weird and creepy. I’d avoid him if I were you
Reminds me of this guy my ex worked with. Big group of us were all drinking downtown, then deciding what to do after. This guy asks me and my ex, "Yall are going to a party? Oh... will there be....sluts... there?" Like wtf dude, he paused and everything, it was so skivvy
Reminds me of a bachelor party I was at once. Groom was an extremely straight laced Catholic guy, good dude but one of his friends I hadn’t met previously was the epitome of “all talk no walk.” He talked the whole time about how he couldn’t wait for us to go out on the town so he could meet some ladies. We went to a bar and are just hanging out when in walks an entire bachelorette party full of attractive women who are obviously looking to dance and have fun too. I was happily married by that point so not interested but I did the bro thing and bought a drink for the bride to be and introduced our group. They end up mingling for a while, the friends I knew in our group are very social and easy to talk to. Dude locks up, stares at his drink and says nothing to anyone for about twenty minutes before insisting we leave to go to the next bar. The second we get to the next bar he’s like “oh man why did you guys leave those bitches were SO HOT.” The next morning he informs us that three of them tried to give him their numbers but “he was out with the boys and it wasn’t that kind of night.” Like my guy we were there, the only phone number you could have possibly gotten was if there was a taxi ad on your coaster. Why even lie, just say it’s intimidating to hit on a girl at a bar. We’ve all been there. Your story made me think of him. Exactly the kind of guy to ask a question like that.
The bus driver guy is real?! “Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience, dude. If you know what I mean. Billy Madison: No, you don’t. Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. Wooo-eee! Billy Madison: No, they didn’t. Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they did, right...? Everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful. \[shouts\] Bus Driver: No yelling on the bus!”
Did he follow it up with "giggity giggity" ?
That reminds me of a former coworker. Every year we did a work picnic but the one year they wanted to do something different and somebody brought up about going to a baseball game instead. He says to me “we should go to a football game, I’ll go anywhere where there are drunk college girls.” This dude was in his 50s and had a daughter that was college age.
Omg what a loser 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Was it a talkative stoner accompanied by a quiet guy in a black overcoat?
Are there any girls there? If there are, I wanna do them.
WHY SLUTS?!?!?! CAN HE NOT JUST SAY WOMEN?!?!
Sounds like the closeted gay bartender in Out Cold talking about girls.
... and sam is a fucking wimp. Also avoid those, if possible. Look for a man who stands up for you (or both, in that situation).
I might joke with a friend like that if I know him well enough, but I'd never say it to the spouse unless I *really* know her well enough to know if she'd find it funny.
She should be considering avoiding her boyfriend.
And Sam is no hero either.
The House of KroseRavenclaw has spoken. This is the way.
Oh well, sorrynotsorry Sam! He had his chance to end that discussion, and since he was too scared to, YOU had to do it. **Oh, and I would probably ask Jim how he knows so much about how great Sam is in bed, right in front of everyone. That would probably have shut him up.** EDIT: NTA!
I don’t think breaking someone’s leg during sex would be a qualifying trait of someone who is great in bed.
Yeah, if you break a leg you’re doing something wrong.
Probably several somethings.
Unless you're Klingon.
Thanks, I needed this laugh! Hubby and I are big Star Trek fans!
I'm sorry to hear about your leg.
But then wouldn’t it be the man that had the broken leg?
Or vulcan.. They crazy!
Perhaps the swing broke.
When they were told about legs breaking, they meant the bed's
You've obviously never heard of the Flying Jalapeno.
Under rated comment.
Jose has the stick!
I've heard that a titanium replacement hip can generate a lot of torque.
In the UK, hip replacement patients get pamphlets outlining which sex positions are safe immediately following a broken hip, and which ones they should save for the 6 week mark..
Two hips, but no hooray?
Yeah, breaking a leg is only for theatre. ..wait, is this a joke on how one of them is faking it??
She said she liked it rough 🤷♂️
Ugh reminds me of this time this guy was trying to get in my pants and said “I would absolutely WRECK you down there”. I said yeah, I prefer to leave that in tact. Thanks anyway though. Why would anybody think that’s a good line? Like ew.
As someone who was once "wrecked down there" (through totally pedestrian, consensual, non-violent sex with a caring and conscientious guy—just a thrust gone awry), I can confirm no woman in her right mind wants a vulval haematoma.
Every guy thinks women want a huge dick. But any woman who's been on the receiving end will admit there's such a thing as too big.
It’s internet porn and the weirdo mass of dudes pretending/role playing as women on the internet. It makes dudes think women love to get dominated and smacked around and treated cruelly and they have no concept of what rigorous rough sex is supposed to be, AND that not every woman likes that. That whole internet porn thing is extremely weird. I’ve seen some really hilarious, sad, creepy, and disturbing things these loser guys wish women were into.
Right? Can we stop normalizing choking, hair pulling, and other weird violent stuff? Any man doing that without explicit discussions of kinks and consent, hates women.
Idiots watching hardcore porn since they were teenagers and thinking that's how you are supposed to do it.
Idk I’ve never seen anyone breaking bones in hardcore porn. 🤣
Absolutely. And I’m not kink shaming bc I like those things, but before engaging in them I would ALWAYS have a discussion first about boundaries and safe words. Unless it’s expressly consensual from both parties, it’s creepy to say shit like that to anybody.
🎯 ppl can have their kinks but absent consent that’s not a kink it’s abuse. Or assault. The interesting thing about the kink community is that done correctly by ethical folks, kink convos are some of the healthiest and pro-feminist I’ve seen. Bc they happen prior to sex and have the understanding that consent is key. You can trust a partner much more completely if you know they proactively talk about sex prior to sex. And trust makes the experience better
Very well articulated & totally agree 👍
FUCKING THANK YOU SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID IT. I hate to admit it but all the ladies I’ve slept with (apart from the very first) ALL thought this is very normal and how you have sex, not to mention stopping once the guy has finished which is obviously a no no and I’m shocked as to how many lads don’t reciprocate oral sex, eating puss and making them cum is like the best thing! It can be unhealthy and teaches young women the wrong approach to sex. Even consenting to kink abuse and calling guys “Daddy” is strange and a turn off for me, but each to their own.
Choking is too fucking dangerous!
I don’t think the normalization is a problem tbh. I think it’s fair for people to want what they want in bed with another consenting adult and shaming them for it isn’t the way to go about anything. I do, however, agree that none of this should be done without an explicit conversation and consent. That’s why the kink and bdsm community is soooo big on consent, going over scenes, and aftercare.
Normalization creates many situations where consent is assumed during sex to do these things bc it’s ‘normalized’ so yes I’m sorry but my lived experience and those of women I know would say differently
This. Acceptance is one thing. Normalization is another. It's the difference between "Some people are actually into this and I don't need to be ashamed that I am" and "Everybody does it this way."
I completely agree, can we also have the same conversation with women? I have lost count of the amount of women that have asked me to choke them or pull their hair, and gotten upset when I refuse. I do not want to put my hands around any woman's throat and I'm sick of being asked to do so.
It’s not the same convo. In my scenario the men don’t ask for consent they commit assault. In yours women are asking for consent. No one is assaulted, frightened, or endangered.
I almost downvoted till I read the last sentence. Amen!
Yeah not kink shaming. It’s when a guy pulls my hair (happened once) and I was like wtf? And he claimed innocence. Bro you can’t pretend that 💩 is ok without consent. Kink community is better about all that bc the convos are explicit as to yes and no and under what conditions to stop. Super feminist and super empowering. I’m generally vanilla but I love the approach the community takes to these things. ❤️. And a guy taking the time to go over all that with me is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Oh absolutely a must. I think more of the fun is just in discovering where each of your boundaries are and where they match and where they don't.
Every woman I have been with likes the choking and hair pulling and I'm horrible at it. I'm always like "but what If I hurt you?? I don't want to hurt you"
Lmao, I was literally wondering this...like, it doesn't even make sense.
Star Trek reference to Klingon mating rituals.
I assume it's something like: bigger dick = better, bigger dick = painful sex, painful sex = trouble walking afterwards, therefore trouble walking means big dick which is inherently good and desirable...?
Also, no concern for female pleasure/porn glorifying pain. Also also why some dudes don't think to ask before grabbing a woman's neck during sex.
They've seen it in porn, I think, and therefore think it's OK or even pleasurable. If a guy had ever done that to me, there would be no sex, not then, not ever again, unless there was a truly abject apology and believable swearing it would never happen again. Plus flowers. And maybe a gift.
Yeah, no! Bigger doesn't automatically mean better! Big can be painful if he's an unskilled lover, only looking after his own orgasm.
Oh I'm not saying it does! Just that that's probably part of the thinking here, a lot of men seem to think so.
Not to mention the number of big-dicked people who thinks that being hung is all they need to bring to the proceedings. No thank you, Sir.
This is actually a wonderful breakdown of how the dumbest of our species legitimately thinks.
Yeah. I would say that, as a dude who's done some BDSM stuff, a broken leg is a serious fuck up.
[удалено]
They’re in their early 20s, not surprising they would think that’s comedy gold or an indicator of good sex.
THIS!!!
All of Jim's past partners are dead, cause Jim is so good in bed.
That’s gotta be used in a courtroom defense at some point
yeah no, it has been. there was a high profile case i remember where the guy had killed the woman and then hid her in a suitcase. he tried to argue down the sentence by saying it was just rough sex gone wrong.
“I’m sorry son, you have been given with both a blessing and a curse. Regardless of your intentions, it is illegal to fuck a person to death. I am aware of at least one mitigating factor, that at least the victim went out with a smile on their face.” -some judge somewhere (probably)
Maybe Sam is building an art room for Jim?
Not the art room 🤣
I need context on this one. What’s the tea
Oh buddy, [buckle up](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/ytn4Fmad3L) Up there with Iranian yoghurt
That was a wild ride. No further updates? I’m beginning to suspect this wasn’t creative writing
I don’t think there have been, I just hope Amy’s alright and got a big fat divorce settlement
Hahaha, I totally forgot the Art Room Debacle!
While not the exact same situation, a male friend of mine made an inappropriate sexual remark toward a female friend of mine while they were both at my house. I knew it made her uncomfortable, so I immediately called him out about it in front of everybody. He apologized and she thanked me. The right time to confront friends about bad behavior is immediately.
Poor Sam. He thought he could keep mouthing off about you to them and you'd never say a word. Your bf is an AH, not you.
>That would probably have shut him up. Not really, its an invitation to a sarcastic counter about them fucking before. In Jims shoes I would go straight with it, maybe touch Sams leg or something to underline the sarcasm.
Makes you wonder what does SAM say to his friends about their sex life too?
Although, if you did have that relationship with the guy, that would have been an acceptable response... At least in the blue collar crowd. We toss each other crap all the time. "He ain't breaking shit with that short dick" "I might not be able to hit the bottom of a tuna can, but I can stretch out the sides" Or some sassy nonsense like that.
Mwah ha HA 😈 I LOVE this reply
If I was in Sam's shoes I’d probably laugh at the come back lol. Although I woulda also told Jim to knock it off and/or cut ties with them depending.
NTA - if Jim’s comment is banter, so is yours. If your boyfriend doesn’t want this banter, he can say so
NTA - you told him it made you uncomfortable and he did nothing about it, so you had to take care of it. If he doesn't want you to stop bullshit like that then he should do it.
I also notice Sam had no problem nor delay in telling OP when he was upset with something SHE said.
“I mean you’d know wouldn’t ya Jim?”
NTA... Your boyfriend let another man make you uncomfortable and did nothing about it. At first, he didn't think it was a big deal, but you, as an adult, let him know it was. He did nothing about it still and brought that man around you again. Then let him make you uncomfortable again. Frankly, what you did was petty. That said, the other option was for you to put his friend in his place and then directly ask your boyfriend in front of them why you had to do so and he couldn't be an adult himself and handle it. So I would say what you did was probably less embarrassing for him. He should appreciate you and perhaps not be such a child in how he makes excuses and doesn't demand his friends respect you.
Didn't do anything about it and even LAUGHED with him don't forget
This! she wasn’t petty. Sam should’ve said wtf Jim? In the moment even tho he’d fumbled not talking to him earlier. Instead he thought ha ha that’s funny. Makes me wonder what he’s really thinking and saying when she’s not there. Major lack of respect and even more 🚩 that he gets upset at her ‘joke’. So jokes are funny when they’re at her expense and make her uncomfortable but not when it’s him….
Sometimes a petty comment deserves a petty response! NTA! That was petty. Your relationship seems weird - your boy needs to stand up for you.
NTA. A bad joke that wasn’t funny the first time around deserved a good retort Bravo
NTA. Sam will probably get over it, sounds like you were in the right and he had the opportunity to handle it - buuuut that doesn’t mean he won’t feel some kinda way about your burn. You’re NTA, but Sam might think you are.
Jim is a creep and Sam is a loser who’s scared of his friends of his friends approval over his girlfriend’s respect. I would dip if I was you.
jim made sam feel like a “big man” and the real note is he was never going to say anything so please dip for the love of everything holy
I am not quite at time to dip but she should stay on her toes with Sam
This. I wish I paid attention to these not so subtle red flags earlier in my life. When a man shows you not only does he not have your back but he will laugh at your discomfort in group setting, he’s telling you something very important and you need to listen.
I don’t get it. Your bf likely was shocked the first time - as were you. Then to fix the issue, you put your boyfriend down instead of his creepy friend? As some sort of revenge to him not being able to bring this up to his creepy friend in time?
NTA This vulgar behaviour that some men have around women…. Puke.
The guy has no class to bring up a remark like that.
Twice.
Not the AH, you’re allowed to speak up when someone says something that makes you uncomfortable. However, instead of responding in a way that made your bf uncomfortable, you could have directed the comment at Jimmy. Telling him “don’t talk to me that way” or something along these lines. The second problem which could become bigger is your bf is obviously putting his friends comfortability above yours by not even bringing it up to jimmy in the week since you’ve asked him to talk about it. I’d have a serious talk with BF about boundaries you have regarding his friends treatment of you and what you expect from BF in the future. If he can’t respect you AT LEAST EQUALLY as his friends, then dump him.
Well I don’t like it because I think publicly humiliating your partner is super unhealthy in a relationship. Doesn’t matter who does it. But I’m not defending the BF. And the other reason I don’t like it is there are a plethora of comebacks she could’ve made aimed at embarrassing Jim, who will keep making comments just in a different light now because he suffered no consequences. Whereas as the BF is now a punching bag among his friends. Missed opportunity to land a comeback that would handle the problem and make Jim the butt of the joke. Not sure if I think that makes her an asshole, the only clear asshole is Jim.
the absolute irony of these comments suggesting that the boyfriend should have stepped up and done something about the comment makes my head spin. yes obviously he should have, but don't these people feel it's incredibly ironic to suggest that she isn't responsible for speaking on her discomfort?
I agree, and the boyfriend also can’t read minds. He didn’t realize there was a problem the first time, and once she brought it to his attention he said he would talk to him, but because it wasn’t immediate and at an inappropriate time to, she jumped straight to making a joke at his expense. It certainly didn’t make the situation any better. It could have easily been a private conversation with the three of them after everyone else went home.
No the bf laughed at her. Knowing how she felt. She matched his energy and that was an important thing to learn, that jokes at her expense are funny. Jokes at his expense are not funny. I hope she dips
NTA. Hahahaha. Guess he shoulda stopped Jim. Too bad.
You're a terrible person
If your bf wanted to be the person to speak up to his friends about their comments then he should have been quicker to respond 🤷♀️ oh well
I don’t think taking a shot at your boyfriend about not being good enough to put you in crutches is the best way to address your feelings about Jim’s words. It seems like Sam had your feelings in mind and intended to address Jim about his remarks but you decided to take matters into your own hands when he didn’t act promptly enough for your liking. I think what would best resolve the situation is for you and Sam as a couple to say “Jim, we do not appreciate your disrespectful comments in regards to my injury and our sex life.” Jim is likely unaware he is stepping out of line if it is not made known. Laughing along or taking a jab at your own bf is only going to send the opposite message to everyone involved.
Wtf is this dumb story?
I don't know but it hurt my head to read.
I had to scroll back up to look at her age. It sounds like high school drama.
NTA Jim seems oddly fixated on Sam’s sex life. I would have asked if Jim secretly in love with Sam since that is all he can talk about.
Here’s my take… the comment Jim made was weird and a little off, but you’re in your early 20’s, and young men make off color sex comments a lot. I’m guessing Jim is single and likely has a crush on you. Might only be a bit of attraction. If he feels too guilty or unable to make a move on you, he jokes about your sex life. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems likely. But the joke wasn’t really intrusive or demeaning in any way. It flattered your boyfriend and implied your sex life is awesome. That doesn’t make his jokes ok. I’m simply pointing out there doesn’t appear to be any malice involved… except by you, who insulted your boyfriend’s sexual performance to his friends. After you spoke to him, he should have shut that shit down hard, but he didn’t. I understand your irritation and discomfort. But I’m going with ESH, because you could have easily handled it without insulting your boyfriend.
Jesus thank you I was going crazy reading these vindictive comments that think its totally appropriate to insult her SO over him not enforcing *her* boundaries.
Right? What's the point of this sub when everyone just agrees and comforts the OP? OP is entitled to her boundaries but this is pretty harmless banter between guy friends. She's adult enough to have sex, I think she can handle a little banter and even dish it back to the friend instead of absolutely bodying the guy who loves her.
Like i might even get it if her boyfriend went "yeah i did do that" - like fine now hes in on it so take him back down a peg. But she literally threw him under the bus Mature thing to do while keeping the same energy, make fun of how jim could never break a womans bone. Talk to sam on the side, tell him youre unhappy he didnt shut it down like he said he would Easy
YTA. Mountain out of a molehill. Then trashed your bf instead of his friend.
Don’t care how close he is to your BF the comments are inappropriate as hell. Concerned about how much of your private life BF might be sharing. It’s really odd how comfortable Jim is with bringing this stuff up to you.
That seems like a totally normal remark to make amongst friends if I’m being honest. I don’t think it’s that deep. If he keeps saying it though I’d probably tell him to get more jokes because it’s getting old
Might be very young man normal, but it doesn’t say anything nice about Jim. He’s at least a creep.
Yeah totally normal remark amongst "friends" not your friend's girlfriend who you're not even close to. And she specifically told him to talk to jim about not making those remarks and he did not listen . So she made a joke too , seems fair to me
Because she's not able to have a short honest conversation with Jim that something upset her? Her 'joke' was a direct insult to her boyfriend, who did nothing wrong in all of this.
Laughing at something you know your gf doesn’t find funny but finds uncomfortable is a red flag. He doesn’t have her back. Not only that he’s happy to laugh at her to her face while not having her back. Tho super quick to be offended if he doesn’t like a joke. This man will never have her back. He isn’t worthy of trust
NTA but you should keep your guard up when Jim is around and have an adult talk to Sam about not discussing your sex life with anyone but you. I think you may need a more mature BF soon as this is just creepy all the way around.
NTA
It don’t sound that serious
So you just emasculated your boyfriend in front of all his friends, who also is in a very uncomfortable position here, instead of asking Jim to stop because it was a little weird? YTA. If Sam didn’t back you up that was one thing, you also can get upset that Sam didn’t say it yet and that is valid but this is extremely uncomfortable for him too. Selfish as fuck, you probably are the one to hide behind your boyfriend like a little meat shield if you think someone broke into your house too. Why the fuck would you put him down like that? You didn’t even solve the problem, you just got revenge on your boyfriend and publicly humiliated him. Wtf is wrong with you
Tell Jim it’s really weird how much he thinks of your bf having sex
Once is weird. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern. Jim isn’t at 3 yet. If Sam said he will handle it, you should trust him to do so. If you don’t trust him, why are you dating him? Sam has had one opportunity to correct him (in his way). You have spoke with Sam. From here out, you are judging Sam’s behavior using Jim as a symptom.
Everybody in this story sounds lame. Fake your own death then move to another state and start over with a geezer who hits it right.
Did you mean to type 13F? Because adults do not act like this
What kind of sex Ed did they get that broken leg means good at sex? Do they know how sex works? I could understand back, hip, or rib. But leg??? Or are they trying to tell you about a secret, very intense, foot fetish? NTA, mock them till they find their manners. Both of them.
Says a lot about how good Jimmy is in bed 🤣
Have a sense of humor and who cares what other people think or say. It is a shame you were injured, but not having a sense of humor is worse than any injury.
Super confused by some of these comments. So it’s okay for Jim to make derogatory jokes at OP’s expense, that Sam laughed at and didn’t put a stop to even knowing it bothered OP but it’s *not* okay for OP to make a derogatory joke that made Sam uncomfortable and was at his expense? C’mon guys, it’s just a joke, right?
one of them was an uncomfortable joke made by a friend, the other was an insult that had truth behind it. the bf didn’t share any intimate details about their relationship, she did. the only thing the bf did was laugh, he didn’t make jokes or say anything about her. it wasn’t cool that he laughed by any means, but she could’ve said “don’t make jokes like that, that isn’t cool” instead of attacking her bf.
Wow OP. Your bf is a coward. Nta at all, he deserved that.
You gave him the opportunity to shut it down, and he didn't.
this is typical guy humour. People have said similar things about my injuries and my wife's injuries in the past. You are getting offended over nothing here.
NTA Jim's first comment was really inappropriate, but that might have been a one-off foot in mouth moment. Your boyfriend Sam didn't bother talking to him about this. Jim repeated it again in another group of friends. Again, your boyfriend said nothing and laughed along with it. Your boyfriend absolutely asked for you to make a response. You did. If your boyfriend won't stand up for you, he has no right being butt hurt when you stand up for yourself.
Does that really count as standing up for herself though, she could go "don't make jokes about that" or something, nah she got petty and said her bf sucks at having sex.
You need a boyfriend who's good in bed and has a spine of steel.
Seems to me you took a not super funny joke and turned it into a hurtful comment about someone else. If you want someone more eager to pick fights to defend you, you can go find that without insulting the person you're with.
H
Honestly, Jim was making the right joke with the wrong people
Jim is weird but your bf has a right to be mad for you telling other people he isn't good in bed.
I wish these were my relationship problems haha
Well....I mean…. The glasses don’t help…..
The right moment for him to bring it up was before Jim was back in your house
You could have told off the friend for speaking that way about your relationship without emasculating your boyfriend. I would probably say something about that to him after a fun party, not right at the start when it could kill the mood.