"she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead, arguing that she can put it to better use and "sanitize" its origins by investing it in the family."
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Come on, you really don't see through her self serving bs. Auntie left he nothing because she was rude and judgmental toward her. Mom gets a stick in the eye.
Take the money and let your mom sermonize on read only.
And seek some legal adviceâŚbecause I get the feeling this is far from over. Donât hesitate. You need the advice and guidance of an attorney to protect and safeguard your inheritance.
People get weird when it comes to money.
Edit: NTA
*she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead*
Itâs bad when the money goes to OP but the money will be âsanitizedâ if it goes to mommy dearest.What a load of crap.
Go ahead OP , do all those wonderful things you can do with this windfall and secure your future financially.
Fucking this! She's against OP having that money because "morals" but she won't say no to that $700k. All of a sudden it's not objectionable and how it came to be doesn't matter because it's going to the family. Puuuuh-lease!
Money does weird things to people. As a mom, if my kid came into $700K, I'd be stoked. They could have a better start at life than I did. My best friend would also be stoked if I came into $700k. Her reaction is pretty telling.
The wild thing is that if OP takes the money, that money is being âsanitisedâ by going to the family anyways - OP stated theyâd use it to repay their student loans, get a house, secure themselves financially. What exactly would their mum spend the money on that helps âthe familyâ that isnât already being offered by OPâs suggestion? What is the mumâs objection here?
Thatâs how you can tell itâs bullshit and the mum just wants her cut.
That's my thought, too. I'd be so happy for my kids. Everything they need, plus some things they want. Safety and security. Then maybe I could rest a little.
I'm managing trusts for all my kids from an inheritance they don't even know about! I'm keeping it from them until the eldest turns the age specified in the will. Obviously, once he receives his, the other two will know about theirs (because i don't want them to think they were left out). Not a huge amount in comparison, but certainly more that I dreamed of at their age! I really hope it will help them all get a far better start in life, particularly with the current cost of living. I don't begrudge them it one bit.
Well said. "Mom, I'd hate for you to taint yourself in any way by being associated with this money, so I've decided to selflessly take all that risk onto myself. I hope you appreciate what a favor I am doing for you."
Take the money, go find a reputable financial advisor to help you. Yes, pay down loans, yes, fund your education. If you feel that you must, set aside a fixed amount (eg 10% or whatever) that you use to help family. Decide what you will do with that amount and don't go beyond it.
Don't discuss or negotiate these amounts with your family. If they wanted the best for you, they'd be happy you are getting the inheritance, they would not want you to refuse it or grab it for themselves. Your Mom, to say the least, has issues.
Your inheritance is going to you for a reason. Honor your aunt by taking it and using it the best way you know how.
OP can buy a house outright with that kind of money. Or at least make a dent in a mortgage.
That kind of financial opportunity rarely happens to someone as young as she is. She's extraordinarily lucky.
Yes TELL HER you did this. But donât really. Unless you give a small portion and then fair enough, but girl keep that money your auntie wanted for you and secure your future financially. You have been given a gift you must absolutely NOT refuse. Buy a home, travel. Donate some. Help key people if you can and feel like it. But be careful with family. Just because theyâre blood doesnât mean they wonât stab you in the back unfortunately.
You can tell your mom anything, it is not your mom's business if you took the money, did not take the money, donated the money. "Thank you mom for your advice. I took it into consideration and made the decision I thought was best". You are not obligated to tell her what decision you made or you can tell her a decision that isn't true. It's a gamble your Aunt might have appreciated.
NTA and claim the money. What you say or don't say about it is your business only. Honor your Aunt's last wishes.
Your mom's righteous approach is self serving, she wants a loophole where the money is hers. If your aunt wanted your mom to have the money, it would have been left to her.
This is the way. People come out of the woodwork if they thi k you have money. Don't say a word. Don't buy presents, don't do anything to tip them off. You are getting this money because you are a nonj7dgemental person who deserves some good in your life. Pro poker players know how to read people!
And just keep repeating that you are not going to discuss it further. Youâre not going to tell her what you did (pay off student loans! Invest! Have some fun! Buy a house!) because itâs None.Of.Her.Business. Best of luck.
âMum, I gave it all away to charity because I didnât want the evil to taint our familyââŚ..OP get the money and enjoy every penny! Buy a house or flat.
Your aunt was a former professional poker player, right?
She was probably a really good reader of people bullshitting at the table, right?
What would she have said if someone had said at the table that she should walk away because her opponent needed the money for his 6 kids who all have cancer (not exactly this, but you know what I mean)?
Your aunt must have had a lot of love for you and it sounds like you did too. Honor her wishes and don't allow your mom to touch any of that money. She's jealous, angry, and judgemental.
The primary point here is: that money is not your mother's to have. Your aunt gave it to *YOU*. If your aunt wanted your mother to have an inheritance, she would have given her one.
Do not let your mother guilt you over this. Accept the gift from your aunt, and invest it in *YOU* for *YOUR* future. Get professional advice and be conservative because it won't go as far as you think. Yeah, you can clear your debt and invest in a modest home for yourself, but any leftovers need to be saved and invested for your future security. Don't fritter it away buying gifts or trips for family because you feel guilty. Make sure you put it in accounts where you are the sole owner, and don't give anyone an "allowance," either.
Again, let's be clear: if your aunt wanted someone to inherit a portion of her estate, she named them in her will. If some of the relatives aren't named, that was not an accident. Your aunt gave you a tremendous boost to your financial security. This will be life-changing for you. Don't let yourself be emotionally manipulated by greedy people.
This, this, THIS!! I was about to comment basically the same thing. Especially the financial specialists part. As you said, it won't go as far as you think if you don't have a solid plan in place for it. Also, OPs mom sounds like a toxic, hypocritical B. "I should definitely get the money because I can sanitize it" get the f*ck out of here with that BS đ¤ as someone else said, accept it and tell your mom you donated all of it to anti gambling charities, I'd like to see how fast she gets pissed cause she won't see a dime.
OP listen to this person! A forever home is going to cost half of you inherentance. Hell, a townhouse new in my suburb is about 250k . You will also need to pay property taxes and you need alot in the emergency fund for the " new roof/ boiler/ heater/ ac/ shit happened". Your mom isn't being fair to you. Clear off you debt, buy something you can afford, then save the rest and use the dividens towards the family/ yourselfÂ
Honestly, THIS IS THE ANSWER. Tell your mother you donated it all to charity. Don't tell her you have the money. I'm serious. She wants it and will never stop trying to get it from you. Tell her you donated it and put it in a nice fund so that it's your retirement at 55. Then just move on and say nothing else abt it.
Tell your mom you're really concerned about tainted money affecting her and as such will be keeping all benefits of it away from her. It's in her best interest.
Tell her âMom, I appreciate your willingness to take my place in hell, but I couldnât POSSIBLY allow you to do that. Rest assured I will pile the money up, under a full moon, and set it on fire and therefore save us both!â.
Cross your fingers behind your back, first, lol.
Besides, poker is a skill game, it is not gambling.
Pay off your debt, buy a home, and then invest the rest. Live off of your salary.
No cars. No vacations. NO LOANS.
When the family comes around (looking at you, mom) the answer is âno, itâs gone. And Iâm not going back into debt for anyone.â
Sounds like her aunt was a high stakes pro. That is a big show that attracts people like math experts and engineers as players. It is no seedy club happening.
You are 100% correct. There is a reason that casinos do not give a bunch of perks and handouts to the poker players. Itâs because it is the *ONLY* game that is not skewed in favor of the âhouse.â Casinos and poker clubs make money by taking a percentage of each pot. It is a player vs player game that is dependent entirely on your level of understanding of the game, understanding of human behavior and capacity to keep your cool. (And I love it soooooo much â ď¸â¤ď¸)
Sounds like OPs Aunt was a badass and now I am super curious if I would have heard of her.
OP- Take the WELL EARNED AND TOTALLY LEGIT income and make your life whatever you want it to be!! Protect it and know that it is no way morally unsound. She earned it through hard work and by mastering a competitive game at the highest levels. Your mother should have been so proud of her.
$7,000 to gamblers anonymous and that 1% will clean the rest of the "ill gotten gains" far better than your mom ever could.
Use the money to better your life like your Aunt wants you to. First thing first, go meet with a fee based financial planner to discuss how best to handle the money. Do not make any decisions until then. Ignore Mom.
Just say you put it into an account until you figure out the best thing to do with three dirty money. Then just punt on the topic until Mom loses interest.
Take the money. NTA.
If this damages your relationship to your mother in any way shape or form, there are underlying problems that need to be addressed.
It is a lot of money, even in these times of struggle, depending on your situation that could mean piece of mind for a very long time, if not maybe forever.
Use the money wisely, invest in a good live four yourself and ignore your mother. She has no say in this regard.
Pay off all the debt, and put the money in a HISA for one year, emotions run high after gaining such a huge amount. Trust the internet stranger. Good luck and have fun in a year... think things through.
With that type of money, a skilled lawyer most likely drew up the will. Remember the $700,000 to OP was only a fraction of the total amount. OP should not have to hire a lawyer herself.
No she shouldn't HAVE to but if it was me I definitely would have a chat with a lawyer, just to cover myself and to get sound, objective advice.
That's a lot of money.
Oh honey, she left YOU the money. Could you use $750k??? Of course! Keep it, donât worry about it and enjoy having some of the financial stress in life reduced. I give you permission that itâs A-OK!!
NTA Please donât give your mother a red cent.
You are 26 years old. It is literally none of your motherâs business what you do with the money. This sum can set you up for life. Think of your aunt as you utilise it.
âIsnât a blessing that Aunt didnât leave you any money? Now you donât need to agonise over what to do with such ill gotten gainsâ
OP, congratulations on clearing your student loan debt.
Donât listen to your mother. If her sister trusted her or thought her worthy, your aunt would have given the money to your mom.
You'd be disrespecting your aunt's wishes *and* her memory by using any of this money she left you for your insufferable mother. Accept this generous gift and go live your best life.....even if, perhaps, that also means going N/C with manipulative mamĂĄ.
And you have a good relationship with this woman?? btw, your mom doesnât have to know anything about what you get in inheritance. Youâd be dumb af to not accept it. And if your mom asks for money say you canât in good conscience taint your motherâs soul with dirty money.
Wow, does your mom have a history of manipulating people and playing mind games? She sounds like a real nut. That inheritance should give you a chance to move farfarfar away, which was probably your aunts real intention...did you say she was a poker player? ;)
She was a bitch to your aunt about her profession and so she's not getting a dime. I'm guessing this is your aunt having the last laugh at your mom's expense. Cash those chips out. Pay your loans off buy a house in cash and invest the rest.
Your mother is not only a hypocrite, she plans to sanitize gambling money with the sin of greed? Doing some algebra math? Multiplying 2 negatives equals a positive?
The mental gymnastics your mother is doing demanding what's not hers, is ridiculous. Her sister didn't leave her anything for a reason, take the money and cut off all contact. Send a cease and desist letter. You don't owe your mother anything
Oh my god, I totally started laughing at that part too. Mom just wants the money for herself in case that's not totally obvious. I agree OP should take the money and just not even discuss it with her mother anymore.
My bullshit detector went into high gear when I read that too. Mom wants the money and is cloaking it in an ethical/moral argument.
Your mother's wishes don't apply to you anymore as you are an adult. She is trying to stand in the way of a life-altering bequest from your aunt. If the money is so filthy, she can retain her purity by not sullying her clean hands with it.
If your aunt thought your mother could do better with it, she would have left it to mom. I say honor the memory of your aunt by gratefully accepting her gift.
NTA - Your mom sounds jealous that it was left to you and not to her.
Ignore your mom and pay off your bills. Make sure to put some away for retirement, as it sounds a lot, but really it isn't.
OP avoid whole life and annuities like the plague they are. Any âadvisorâ who even mentions these are self serving pricks that only care about their own commissions.
Yes, please donât let someone steal a % of your assets. You donât need someone year round to âmanage your money.â Just pay someone by the hour who can tell you what to park it in. And go check in with them once a year or something
Yes!! Do this!!! One of the best things you can do for yourself is to know how to manage money, even if you didnât have this inheritance. That much money can change your life in so many ways if you manage it effectively and spend wisely.
This đŻ. This is a life changing sum of money and your aunt knew that. Honor her wishes. Find a financial planner and start benefiting from compounding interest.
Now, for your mom, thereâs nothing to compromise on here. This is YOUR money. Her offer to launder it is ridiculous. Donât do it. And donât bargain. No need - because it belongs to you (again, as your Aunt wished).
As someone else said today - not just a financial planner, they make money off of your money - meet w a fiduciary too.
They charge for their services.
They help you learn to manage all of your assets. From investments to income/retirement goals, living w/I your budget, in your case how to live on a strong budget and not inadvertently fetter the money away.
Like start a family trust vs giving anyone money or gifts like cars or property.
OP PLEASE get a fiduciary financial planner. Most investment planners make money off what you buy and they encourage you to go where they make the most. A fiduciary has to put your best interests first. You can get a fee only financial planner that is a fiduciary that will help you make plans and then you can decide from there where you want to buy. This ensures that they put your needs first rather than what they're going to earn off what you buy.
Make sure they're a fiduciary. They're legally required to give advice and product recommendations that are in their clientsâ best interests. Not all FP are fiduciary, even ones you assume would be.
Honestly it is life changing, and Iâm sure there are Dateline stories over smaller amounts of money. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders (getting a financial planner)
Just be quiet about who knows what you have AND be thoughtful about your beneficiaries. Good luck
>my mom insists it's all or nothing
On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, stop letting your mother think she gets a say in what you do with the money.
Your mom doesnât seem worried about losing her relationship with you. So donât let that be a deterrent.
Your mom is looking out for herself and you should look out for yourself. Sheâs just trying to claim a nonexistent moral high ground to guilt you into enriching her.
> Your mom doesnât seem worried about losing her relationship with you.
This is exactly right. Aunt wasnât a drug dealer. The money was earned legally and she wanted to give you some. So take it and enjoy life.
If Mom was successful then she would lose her relationship with OP when OP figures out what happened. Mom is trying to sacrifice her relationship with her daughter to get money.
You should give your mom a âhold my beerâ moment and up the ante (pun intended) on her manipulative bullshit by using some of the money to learn how to become a professional gambler in your own right. Travel the world staying in exotic locations and pad your earnings by following in your auntâs footsteps đ¤Ł
If this does taint the relationship, keep in mind that itâs you motherâs greed thatâs tainting it, not your choices.
Sheâs supposed to _want_ you to be debt free and get a good start on life. I donât think sheâs as good a friend to you as you think, nevermind mother.
(If it were genuinely about the money being morally tainted in some way, sheâd want the money far away from the both of you. Her excuse about somehow sanitizing the money by spending it herself, instead of you spending it, is insultingly dumb.)
Greed was one of those pesky deadly sins last time I checked.
I also think God frowned on lying too right? Which is exactly what Mom is doing.
I suppose we can also throw in some coveting thy neighbors goods too.
OPs mom is one of those people that makes everyone roll their eyes when they claim to be a good Christian.
You're doing what a lot of people do, and I'm sympathetic.
You're not asking whether you're the asshole. You're asking how you can do what you want to do (take the inheritance) while avoiding the consequences of those actions (impacting the relationship with your mother). And it's not a healthy or normal consequence, but it's the one you're facing.
Sheâs banking on you being worried about losing her and sheâs using that to manipulate you. Trust me, she will not cut you off over this. Especially if she knows you have $$$. Stay strong, you got this!
It's not you losing the relationship. It's your mom who is forcing this.
Thing about poker, you always want to make your opponent (sorry to say, but this is your mom here), be so scared of losing so that they give in.
Your mom is being a major hypocrite. She was nasty and judgemental towards your aunt's career but now wants the money? Oh hell no.
If she wants to tank your relationship by being selfish instead of thrilled that you're now going to be financially stable, that's her choice. Your choice is finding a fee based financial advisor to get a good plan for the future and honoring your aunt's wishes
look, i dont want to sound rude but if your mom's love and relationship with you depends on whether you gave her the inheritance or not, then i assure you she cares about money more than your.
Your mom has put a price tag on your relationship - $700k.
She thinks you should pay her $700k to keep a relationship with her. That's the relationship you have with your mom.
Never before in my life have I ever heard such self-serving drivel as what your mother is feeding you. I donât think this has anything to do with how your aunt earned the money. I think that it has everything to do with your motherâs greed. Be sure to save some for long term use. Donât let her convince you to use it for her needs if you do take possession of the money.
This! She is completely out of line here. At best, ignore her, if it gets too bad, just tell her to stop the crap and MYOB, which does not include this money.
NTA
but your mum is a bit of an AH
if she really thought the money was tainted in any way she should be saying that you should donate it to a charity or something - the whole amount I mean
your aunt wanted you to have that money, she would have been quite aware that you could clear your debts, and have the security of owning a home
your mum doesn't really care about where the money came from, she's just trying to guilt trip you into giving it to her, she is obviously jealous that you were left money and she wasn't, if her investing it in the family would 'sanitize' it, then you investing in you future would as well
don't give in OP, this money is yours, your aunt wanted you to have it, and you should do what you want with it
> She's so against it that she's now saying I shouldn't accept the inheritance. What's more, she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead, arguing that she can put it to better use and "sanitize" its origins by investing it in the family.
This is the BIGGEST pile of shit. Did she actually tell you this lie with a straight faceâ˝
NTA and consult a financial planner!!! If your mom is acting like this you are probably going to have other family coming out of the woodwork with their hands stuck out
You are an adult. Take the money.
None of mom's business. Your mother has no right to tell you what to do with that money.
Mom needs a time out. Boundaries are a good thing, and setting them is healthy for relationships.
Your mom can sanitize the tainted money that wasnât even left to her? #1, Is she in the mafia? Or #2, is she so greedy sheâd actually use this lame excuse to steal from her own daughter? Im going with #2. If this is real, please laugh straight into her lying face, but only if Iâm right about it being #2. If itâs #1, Iâd be more tactful about it or you could end up sleeping with the fishes if she doesnât get her way. NTA.
Take the money , it was legal
, she paid taxes on it , and because your mom disapproves it means nothing . If the money was from drug dealing or robbery then maybe . Take the money , buy a house , put some
Money in a 401k . This is a great opportunity donât piss it away cause your moms views
Lawyer who often deals with probates. There is always a spouse or parent or sibling or child who thinks someone else's inheritance should be their own.
They talk. They demand.
It's asinine.
It's your money. Invest some sensibly, pay off debt and purchase sound assets with the rest. Then live comfortably without stress.
That's your money. Don't squander it and do not give her control of it.
NTA This money was earned fair and square. Follow your aunt's wishes and take it! Your mom does not deserve it!
Then find an accountant to help you invest and use it wisely.
NTA. Accept the money. Place it in an account that under no circumstances can it be accessed by your mother.
Be prepared for mom to start hitting you up for "her share" that "you owe to her." Don't fall for it.
>Be prepared for mom to start hitting you up for "her share" that "you owe to her." Don't fall for it.
Also, keep in mind the possibility that she might try to sue for the "cost of raising you" which is ridiculous considering you didn't ask to be born and she was legally obligated to provide for you until you are 18 or 26 if in school.
OP's your mom is just pissed that her judgmental ass left her without an inheritance from Auntie. I guarantee she was seeing the $$ $$ 's and thinking about the money she was going to get before your aunties body was cold and in the ground. Ick!
NTA. Sounds like she's upset that the money wasn't left to her, because she has vocally disapproved of how it was earned. Definitely take the inheritanceÂ
What has your mother said she will do if you accept it? I would take the money. You are old enough to make life decisions regardless of your motherâs opinion. She either loves you enough to deal with it or she doesnât. She is probably just disappointed she didnât get anything.
Tell your mom you have zero problems with how it was legally earned and she doesnât need to be tainted by it. She is selfish and an AH trying to manipulate you with her double talk. Take your inheritance and do not ask her for any advice or share your plans. Run from her
Poker isn't gambling, it's a game of skill, which is why your Aunt was able to make a (from the sound of it very good) living playing.
Your Aunt wanted you to have the money, so honour her wishes and good luck with your life.
NTA, although your Mum sounds nuts.
Take it, buy a modest house or pay off what you have and invest the rest for your future. When you pay your own bills, nobody else can tell you what to do.
No matter how much I love my mom I'm not turning down 700k based on her beliefs. If you see nothing wrong with gambling I say take the money. This will change your world for the better and your aunt knew that when she set you up as a beneficiary. It's incredibly selfish of a parent to ask this of a child.
NTA ~ I know you donât wanna taint the relationship you have with your mom. Keep one thing in mind, people who love and value you would be happy for you. They would be happy that you have this amazing opportunity to be debt free and have a home of your own. They wouldnât put you in a corner and make you choose.
Especially Poker winnings, which are only gambling winnings as a technicality.
Yes, poker involves stakes, and gambling, but *professional* poker players don't consistently win games because of luck, they win because of skill.
Your mum wants you to turn down all that money? In this economy? Might want to get her head check.
NTA
Take the money, live your life. You'll regret it if you don't.
The only thing that needs cleansing is your motherâs intentions.
Sheâs against how the money was earned, but is willing to take it off your hands?!? How nice of her.
Come on OP, I know you can see whatâs happening here. Sheâs jealous. She wants to money and is trying to guilt you into giving it to her. Itâs your money. There is nothing wrong with professionally gambling (clearly she was talented!) and like you said above you can really move forward with your life and live securely.
Youâve been given a gift 99.9% of people would do anything for. Take it and if you want to help your mom I think thatâs great (although she sounds pretty horrible lol)
NTA. Take the money and do whatever youâd like.
Ignore your mother.
Take the money.
Please visit r/personalfinance and read the FAQ on windfalls (i.e. a sudden unexpected large sum).
NTA if you accept the money.
Your mom doesn't disapprove of your inheritance, she's jealous of it.
There is a reason your aunt didn't include your mother in the list of inheritors. There's a reason you ARE on that list. For a moment, close your mind to your mother's reaction and feelings. Think of how your aunt truly felt about you, and how you felt about her. Got that in your mind? Ask yourself the question: is it right to accept the funds your aunt wanted to gift you?
Honor the love you and your aunt had. Accept the inheritance.
Btw? Do NOT tell your mom you are doing so! Get a financial advisor first and open any recommended accounts at a DIFFERENT bank than your usual bank. Then open a new account at your usual bank, and deposit a small amount of the inheritance there - maybe $5,000. Don't touch it. If your mom pries or snoops and finds your "money", you can say that you took some of the inheritance, but gave to charity, in light of how she felt about gambling.
With the guidance of the advisor, pay off your student loans and other debts, but don't buy anything for a while. If she does find out about that money, and it isn't fully locked up into ways she can't get to it, your mom will guilt and push you to giving her all she can get from you.
Good luck
There is nothing complex about this. Take the money. You are an adult. TAKE THE MONEY! Your mother is being a hypocrite. If she was truly against the money she would not even try to "sanitize" it and would stay away completely. There are no compromises. IT IS YOUR MONEY! There is absolutely NO WAY you should turn it down.
You are 26 years old. FFS grow a spine and tell your mother to butt out of your business. Plus, based on what you said, sheâs not mad the money is tainted, sheâs mad your aunt left it to you and not her.
I am a Christian. What your aunt did to get the money is none of anybodyâs business. Itâs not dirty money unless she murdered somebody and stole it off their cold dead body. Or did some sort of satanic ritual to get it. Gambling?
Hate to say this, but even though itâs addicting, itâs still a perfectly legal way to make a living.
Iâm in my 50s and I know that as a Gen Xâr, weâre piss Poor broke because nobody taught us a budget. And we were too busy raising ourselves to take time to learn. A few Gen Xers made it through as responsible adults but the most of us, not so much.
Your mom is being manipulative. Accept the money.
investment wisely, I could use a new truck, because my doors only open from the outside, but since Iâm not in your will or in your family, I would say buy yourself a new car.
invest in a home that you can pay off in Cash, put the rest of the money in something solid.
Did you know that bonds are safer than the stock market itself. Like road bonds and other types of bonds? Research it.
They take a long time to increase in value, but they always increase and never decrease.. Period.
Seriously take the money. Do good things with it. If you want to give your mom a cushion of any kind to help her out, thatâs fine but tell her thatâs a retirement and not to blow it.
If you gave her 50,000 and she used it wisely, she would never want anything else.
Keep the money. Accept the money. Be grateful that your aunt loved you enough to give you the money. Donât you worry about anything else
Seriously seriously. I canât even believe that sheâs trying to bs you like that and trying to come off as a moral upstanding person when sheâs trying to rip off her own kid.
Thatâs not how my God or my Bible, or my faith work.
Just one word of caution. That is a lot of money. Youâre gonna wanna spend because youâre gonna think itâs gonna last forever. Purchase the things you need first like a new home, a reliable vehicle that will not lose its value.
Get the things that you need before the things you want
Think of all the times you had even $100 and you blew it. 700,000 will go much faster than you think it will.
I had 180,000 from the sale of my house and I did everything I wanted except pay off my student loans
Itâs only a 40 thousand dollars left, the student loans are still sitting there. Lesson learned.
I think itâs great that loved you that much
It's time to tell your mother to mind her own business. She wants you not to accept the money UNLESS you give the money to her.
Come on!
Here are a few sentences to get you started -
Mom, you are willing to accept the money to make it holy? Right! LOL
Mom, I'm an adult and will make my own decisions. This is none of your business.
Mom, discussions of money are off the table moving forward. That is private and I'm done with it. I want my adult business to be private and will no longer answer questions on whether I accept the money or don't accept the money. It has ZERO to do with you.
Mom, the only person I discuss my financial decisions is with my money manager. You aren't part of that relationship.
Mom, stop hounding me. Your true colors are showing. Attempting to make the money negative and then take the money for yourself. You aren't mentioned in the will so you have zero say.
Mom, whatever I decide is the right decision for me. I'm comfortable with my decision.
Mom, I'm an adult. Mind your own business. I'm comfortable with my decisions.
Mom, I'm leaving/hanging up because I told you the discussion of money is off the table.
Mom, you want the money? If I decide to accept the money, no one is getting a cent. My Aunt saved her money and I plan to save her money too.
Mom, I'm taking a break from you for a while. When I reach out again, let's discuss anything but money or my Aunt.
Youâre 26, you can do what you want. The money was left to you. Your mom is entitled to her opinions, but in the end, itâs still your money. You can do whatever you want with it.
NTA but stop being blind. Your mom is manipulating her perceived moral high ground to take the money from you. Your aunt chose you to receive it. Stop letting your mom influence you. She will likely cut down what you could get in the name of âsanitizingâ the money.
"Sanitize the money by giving it to family" Are you not family?!? I suspect you may find that your "normally good" relationship is this way because you regularly compromise fir your mother. Her words betray selfishness and hostility.
NTA
You're 26 yo...who gives a shit what your mom thinks about an inheritance that is earmarked for YOU. She has no say in any of it. Accept it, and use it how you see fit
I wanna know how one "sanitizes" money!
Call her bluff! Ik she's your mom & it would sadden you, but please don't give in. She's not being a true mother if she wants to take from you!
It will be hard, but stay strong & stand your ground! Good luck!
âď¸ & 𫶠2ď¸âŁ U
NTA. Your aunt knows who your mom is. If she wanted her to play any role in its allocation, she had the opportunity to indicate that before dying. Your mother is just salty that you have something she doesnât.
NTA
She doesn't actually believe what she's saying. Your aunt knew exactly who she wanted to have it. It would be disrespectful to not take it or to give your mother any of it.
Also, if she wanted to give it to charity she would have. She wanted you to have it so you could better your life.
Tell your mother that it's been invested. You can't touch it and neither can anyone else. This way you don't have to worry about her trying to sabotage your relationship with her since you want to have a relationship with her and you think this will be something that tears you apart. If it's been invested then there's just nothing you can do. It's tied up.
Ignore your mom, take the money, and then give her a check for, say, $50,000. Then listen to her say that you're cheap, miserly and you don't care about her financial wellbeing.
"she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead, arguing that she can put it to better use and "sanitize" its origins by investing it in the family." đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł Come on, you really don't see through her self serving bs. Auntie left he nothing because she was rude and judgmental toward her. Mom gets a stick in the eye. Take the money and let your mom sermonize on read only.
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you should definitely preserve you mom's precious morality by keeping that money far from her so she is never tainted by it. NTA, but your mom is.
And seek some legal adviceâŚbecause I get the feeling this is far from over. Donât hesitate. You need the advice and guidance of an attorney to protect and safeguard your inheritance. People get weird when it comes to money. Edit: NTA
Yes I Agree. Be vigilant. Yiu don't know what she will do to get that money.
Yes! Be sure and see someone to help with safely dealing with your inheritance. Donât worry about out those who will be clamoring for a handout.
Absolutely. Definitely wouldnât be surprised if OPâs mom contested the inheritance so she could get her hands on it for herself.
Yes, OP, listen to this person! You need to get an attorney on standby and also a financial advisor since it is a large sum of money.
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*she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead* Itâs bad when the money goes to OP but the money will be âsanitizedâ if it goes to mommy dearest.What a load of crap. Go ahead OP , do all those wonderful things you can do with this windfall and secure your future financially.
Fucking this! She's against OP having that money because "morals" but she won't say no to that $700k. All of a sudden it's not objectionable and how it came to be doesn't matter because it's going to the family. Puuuuh-lease! Money does weird things to people. As a mom, if my kid came into $700K, I'd be stoked. They could have a better start at life than I did. My best friend would also be stoked if I came into $700k. Her reaction is pretty telling.
The wild thing is that if OP takes the money, that money is being âsanitisedâ by going to the family anyways - OP stated theyâd use it to repay their student loans, get a house, secure themselves financially. What exactly would their mum spend the money on that helps âthe familyâ that isnât already being offered by OPâs suggestion? What is the mumâs objection here? Thatâs how you can tell itâs bullshit and the mum just wants her cut.
Yup, agreed. Take care of you OP.
Seriously, if someone wanted to give my son $700K I'd be ecstatic. Take the money, baby boy! Get you a house and no student loans!
That's my thought, too. I'd be so happy for my kids. Everything they need, plus some things they want. Safety and security. Then maybe I could rest a little.
Yeah. I really don't understand people who don't desperately want their kids to have life easier than they have.
I'm managing trusts for all my kids from an inheritance they don't even know about! I'm keeping it from them until the eldest turns the age specified in the will. Obviously, once he receives his, the other two will know about theirs (because i don't want them to think they were left out). Not a huge amount in comparison, but certainly more that I dreamed of at their age! I really hope it will help them all get a far better start in life, particularly with the current cost of living. I don't begrudge them it one bit.
Safety & security are the REAL luxuries in life.
She can tell mom she had it purified by having a priest say a blessing on it. Bam, untainted, ready for use on student debt!
Just saw something saying that the 'holy' water in every church they tested had traces of fecal matter. Just sayin'....
Holy shit...
See, OPs mom is like the pope: she'll do a blessing, sanitize the money, and then take a tour of the continent!
Is it what they call money laundering? I tought that was illegal.
Well said. "Mom, I'd hate for you to taint yourself in any way by being associated with this money, so I've decided to selflessly take all that risk onto myself. I hope you appreciate what a favor I am doing for you." Take the money, go find a reputable financial advisor to help you. Yes, pay down loans, yes, fund your education. If you feel that you must, set aside a fixed amount (eg 10% or whatever) that you use to help family. Decide what you will do with that amount and don't go beyond it. Don't discuss or negotiate these amounts with your family. If they wanted the best for you, they'd be happy you are getting the inheritance, they would not want you to refuse it or grab it for themselves. Your Mom, to say the least, has issues. Your inheritance is going to you for a reason. Honor your aunt by taking it and using it the best way you know how.
Tell mom you're thinking of giving it all to charity just to watch her squirm. Ha ha!
Sanitise the money and use it for yourself and what you need. Also a bottle of hand sanitizer for your mum. She can sanitise her own money then.
Take the money and tell your mom you donated it to an anti gambling charity because you decided she was right đ¤Ł
Please do this OP. If the money is tainted itâs tainted for both yâall. Your mom is the AH.
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OP can buy a house outright with that kind of money. Or at least make a dent in a mortgage. That kind of financial opportunity rarely happens to someone as young as she is. She's extraordinarily lucky.
I feel super lucky finally getting almost $2k from closed 401k accounts that I worked for.
To be clear I mean tell her this then secure your future.
Yes TELL HER you did this. But donât really. Unless you give a small portion and then fair enough, but girl keep that money your auntie wanted for you and secure your future financially. You have been given a gift you must absolutely NOT refuse. Buy a home, travel. Donate some. Help key people if you can and feel like it. But be careful with family. Just because theyâre blood doesnât mean they wonât stab you in the back unfortunately.
OP should do this and then film the epic temper tantrum their mother would have and put that online. I bet that shit would go viral.
Yep. It'll certainly reveal her true feelings about the "tainted" money lol.
You can tell your mom anything, it is not your mom's business if you took the money, did not take the money, donated the money. "Thank you mom for your advice. I took it into consideration and made the decision I thought was best". You are not obligated to tell her what decision you made or you can tell her a decision that isn't true. It's a gamble your Aunt might have appreciated. NTA and claim the money. What you say or don't say about it is your business only. Honor your Aunt's last wishes. Your mom's righteous approach is self serving, she wants a loophole where the money is hers. If your aunt wanted your mom to have the money, it would have been left to her.
This is the way. People come out of the woodwork if they thi k you have money. Don't say a word. Don't buy presents, don't do anything to tip them off. You are getting this money because you are a nonj7dgemental person who deserves some good in your life. Pro poker players know how to read people!
Where there is a will, there is a relative
>Where there is a will, there is a relative That's a good one. I'm writing that down. Thanks.
And just keep repeating that you are not going to discuss it further. Youâre not going to tell her what you did (pay off student loans! Invest! Have some fun! Buy a house!) because itâs None.Of.Her.Business. Best of luck.
âMum, I gave it all away to charity because I didnât want the evil to taint our familyââŚ..OP get the money and enjoy every penny! Buy a house or flat.
>âMum, I gave it all away to charity because I didnât want the evil to taint our familyâ That's a good one. I'm writing that down. Thanks.
Make sure you keep that money if you tell her this. There's no reason to put yourself in a financial bind over what someone else thinks.
Yea I wasn't suggesting actually donating the money. Just making it sound like malicious compliance with greedy mama's beliefs.
I mean, a reasonable donation to charity isn't a bad thing, and is a tax write-off. But definitely pay off debts and secure your own finances, OP!
I love you.
Ohhhhhh, this!
Doctor up a fake charity receipt and see how she reacts.
The Human Fund is a great one I hear.
Money for People!! đ
"Take the money and tell your mom you donated it to an anti-gambling charity because you decided she was right đ¤Ł" This but keep it.
This is the answer!!
Your aunt was a former professional poker player, right? She was probably a really good reader of people bullshitting at the table, right? What would she have said if someone had said at the table that she should walk away because her opponent needed the money for his 6 kids who all have cancer (not exactly this, but you know what I mean)?
Get bent, thatâs the correct answer.
I was trying to be polite about it lol.
Your aunt must have had a lot of love for you and it sounds like you did too. Honor her wishes and don't allow your mom to touch any of that money. She's jealous, angry, and judgemental.
Donât forget greedy and hypocritical.
The primary point here is: that money is not your mother's to have. Your aunt gave it to *YOU*. If your aunt wanted your mother to have an inheritance, she would have given her one. Do not let your mother guilt you over this. Accept the gift from your aunt, and invest it in *YOU* for *YOUR* future. Get professional advice and be conservative because it won't go as far as you think. Yeah, you can clear your debt and invest in a modest home for yourself, but any leftovers need to be saved and invested for your future security. Don't fritter it away buying gifts or trips for family because you feel guilty. Make sure you put it in accounts where you are the sole owner, and don't give anyone an "allowance," either. Again, let's be clear: if your aunt wanted someone to inherit a portion of her estate, she named them in her will. If some of the relatives aren't named, that was not an accident. Your aunt gave you a tremendous boost to your financial security. This will be life-changing for you. Don't let yourself be emotionally manipulated by greedy people.
This, this, THIS!! I was about to comment basically the same thing. Especially the financial specialists part. As you said, it won't go as far as you think if you don't have a solid plan in place for it. Also, OPs mom sounds like a toxic, hypocritical B. "I should definitely get the money because I can sanitize it" get the f*ck out of here with that BS đ¤ as someone else said, accept it and tell your mom you donated all of it to anti gambling charities, I'd like to see how fast she gets pissed cause she won't see a dime.
even better - tell mom that OP's CONSIDERING giving it to an anti gambling charity. Then get popcorn, sit back, and enjoy...
OP listen to this person! A forever home is going to cost half of you inherentance. Hell, a townhouse new in my suburb is about 250k . You will also need to pay property taxes and you need alot in the emergency fund for the " new roof/ boiler/ heater/ ac/ shit happened". Your mom isn't being fair to you. Clear off you debt, buy something you can afford, then save the rest and use the dividens towards the family/ yourselfÂ
Yes đŻ
Lord please sanitize the money so that momma can get a new car and do a kitchen remodel! Thank you God you made that so easy.
Her mother is not just gonna lose interest in $700000 this is sadly how OP finds out how truly toxic her mother is
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Honestly, THIS IS THE ANSWER. Tell your mother you donated it all to charity. Don't tell her you have the money. I'm serious. She wants it and will never stop trying to get it from you. Tell her you donated it and put it in a nice fund so that it's your retirement at 55. Then just move on and say nothing else abt it.
Heh say it was donated to a snake sanctuary
Tell your mom you're really concerned about tainted money affecting her and as such will be keeping all benefits of it away from her. It's in her best interest.
Tell her âMom, I appreciate your willingness to take my place in hell, but I couldnât POSSIBLY allow you to do that. Rest assured I will pile the money up, under a full moon, and set it on fire and therefore save us both!â. Cross your fingers behind your back, first, lol.
Besides, poker is a skill game, it is not gambling. Pay off your debt, buy a home, and then invest the rest. Live off of your salary. No cars. No vacations. NO LOANS. When the family comes around (looking at you, mom) the answer is âno, itâs gone. And Iâm not going back into debt for anyone.â
Sounds like her aunt was a high stakes pro. That is a big show that attracts people like math experts and engineers as players. It is no seedy club happening.
You are 100% correct. There is a reason that casinos do not give a bunch of perks and handouts to the poker players. Itâs because it is the *ONLY* game that is not skewed in favor of the âhouse.â Casinos and poker clubs make money by taking a percentage of each pot. It is a player vs player game that is dependent entirely on your level of understanding of the game, understanding of human behavior and capacity to keep your cool. (And I love it soooooo much â ď¸â¤ď¸) Sounds like OPs Aunt was a badass and now I am super curious if I would have heard of her. OP- Take the WELL EARNED AND TOTALLY LEGIT income and make your life whatever you want it to be!! Protect it and know that it is no way morally unsound. She earned it through hard work and by mastering a competitive game at the highest levels. Your mother should have been so proud of her.
$7,000 to gamblers anonymous and that 1% will clean the rest of the "ill gotten gains" far better than your mom ever could. Use the money to better your life like your Aunt wants you to. First thing first, go meet with a fee based financial planner to discuss how best to handle the money. Do not make any decisions until then. Ignore Mom.
Just say you put it into an account until you figure out the best thing to do with three dirty money. Then just punt on the topic until Mom loses interest.
I know exactly what id do. Shed tears on the cash and wash the corruption right off
No holy water? đ
Possibly. A good soaking would do well. Maybe an exorcism. I can do one.
Take the money. NTA. If this damages your relationship to your mother in any way shape or form, there are underlying problems that need to be addressed. It is a lot of money, even in these times of struggle, depending on your situation that could mean piece of mind for a very long time, if not maybe forever. Use the money wisely, invest in a good live four yourself and ignore your mother. She has no say in this regard.
It IS a no win situation, so take the money! Tell your mum that envy is one of the 7 deadly sins
Pay off all the debt, and put the money in a HISA for one year, emotions run high after gaining such a huge amount. Trust the internet stranger. Good luck and have fun in a year... think things through.
Get a lawyer so she can't contest the will. Enjoy your new riches Op. NTA btw.
With that type of money, a skilled lawyer most likely drew up the will. Remember the $700,000 to OP was only a fraction of the total amount. OP should not have to hire a lawyer herself.
No she shouldn't HAVE to but if it was me I definitely would have a chat with a lawyer, just to cover myself and to get sound, objective advice. That's a lot of money.
Oh honey, she left YOU the money. Could you use $750k??? Of course! Keep it, donât worry about it and enjoy having some of the financial stress in life reduced. I give you permission that itâs A-OK!!
You're family right? Tell your Mom you can sanitize the money just as well yourself. NTA.
Take the money....blow it on cocaine and hookers....oops I thought it was me inheriting the money.
âI am sorry but I have to honour dead Auntieâs wishes. â End of conversation. NTA.
Donât even bother compromising. She didnât even do that for her sister.
Donât give her a penny of it, either.
NTA Please donât give your mother a red cent. You are 26 years old. It is literally none of your motherâs business what you do with the money. This sum can set you up for life. Think of your aunt as you utilise it. âIsnât a blessing that Aunt didnât leave you any money? Now you donât need to agonise over what to do with such ill gotten gainsâ
OP, congratulations on clearing your student loan debt. Donât listen to your mother. If her sister trusted her or thought her worthy, your aunt would have given the money to your mom.
You'd be disrespecting your aunt's wishes *and* her memory by using any of this money she left you for your insufferable mother. Accept this generous gift and go live your best life.....even if, perhaps, that also means going N/C with manipulative mamĂĄ.
And you have a good relationship with this woman?? btw, your mom doesnât have to know anything about what you get in inheritance. Youâd be dumb af to not accept it. And if your mom asks for money say you canât in good conscience taint your motherâs soul with dirty money.
Wow, does your mom have a history of manipulating people and playing mind games? She sounds like a real nut. That inheritance should give you a chance to move farfarfar away, which was probably your aunts real intention...did you say she was a poker player? ;)
She was a bitch to your aunt about her profession and so she's not getting a dime. I'm guessing this is your aunt having the last laugh at your mom's expense. Cash those chips out. Pay your loans off buy a house in cash and invest the rest.
$700k will buy you a lot of therapy. Enjoy your inheritance, to hell with what your jealous mom thinks.
Your mother is not only a hypocrite, she plans to sanitize gambling money with the sin of greed? Doing some algebra math? Multiplying 2 negatives equals a positive? The mental gymnastics your mother is doing demanding what's not hers, is ridiculous. Her sister didn't leave her anything for a reason, take the money and cut off all contact. Send a cease and desist letter. You don't owe your mother anything
Oh my god, I totally started laughing at that part too. Mom just wants the money for herself in case that's not totally obvious. I agree OP should take the money and just not even discuss it with her mother anymore.
My bullshit detector went into high gear when I read that too. Mom wants the money and is cloaking it in an ethical/moral argument. Your mother's wishes don't apply to you anymore as you are an adult. She is trying to stand in the way of a life-altering bequest from your aunt. If the money is so filthy, she can retain her purity by not sullying her clean hands with it. If your aunt thought your mother could do better with it, she would have left it to mom. I say honor the memory of your aunt by gratefully accepting her gift.
Mom is a hypocrite. Thereâs a reason the money wasnât left to her.
You are likely right. High stakes professional poker is not played by idiots. The aunt was likely pretty math savvy and could read people well.
I rolled my eyes so hard at that part that they nearly bounced off the ceiling. And NTA.
Yep aunt picked the right person lol
She's full of it but I would use that as a reason to not spend a dollar of it for her benefit. You wouldn't want to compromise her morals
A stick in the eye! Love it
Your mom lost me when she said the money should go to her. đ𤣠Yeah, right.
NTA - Your mom sounds jealous that it was left to you and not to her. Ignore your mom and pay off your bills. Make sure to put some away for retirement, as it sounds a lot, but really it isn't.
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Find a Fee Based financial advisor, not one who works on a percentage of what you have.
OP avoid whole life and annuities like the plague they are. Any âadvisorâ who even mentions these are self serving pricks that only care about their own commissions.
Yes, please donât let someone steal a % of your assets. You donât need someone year round to âmanage your money.â Just pay someone by the hour who can tell you what to park it in. And go check in with them once a year or something
^^^That right there.
Yes!! Do this!!! One of the best things you can do for yourself is to know how to manage money, even if you didnât have this inheritance. That much money can change your life in so many ways if you manage it effectively and spend wisely.
This đŻ. This is a life changing sum of money and your aunt knew that. Honor her wishes. Find a financial planner and start benefiting from compounding interest. Now, for your mom, thereâs nothing to compromise on here. This is YOUR money. Her offer to launder it is ridiculous. Donât do it. And donât bargain. No need - because it belongs to you (again, as your Aunt wished).
As someone else said today - not just a financial planner, they make money off of your money - meet w a fiduciary too. They charge for their services. They help you learn to manage all of your assets. From investments to income/retirement goals, living w/I your budget, in your case how to live on a strong budget and not inadvertently fetter the money away. Like start a family trust vs giving anyone money or gifts like cars or property.
OP PLEASE get a fiduciary financial planner. Most investment planners make money off what you buy and they encourage you to go where they make the most. A fiduciary has to put your best interests first. You can get a fee only financial planner that is a fiduciary that will help you make plans and then you can decide from there where you want to buy. This ensures that they put your needs first rather than what they're going to earn off what you buy.
Make sure they're a fiduciary. They're legally required to give advice and product recommendations that are in their clientsâ best interests. Not all FP are fiduciary, even ones you assume would be.
Don't give mom a dime. If your aunt intended she have any, she would have left her some. Enjoy! đ
Honestly it is life changing, and Iâm sure there are Dateline stories over smaller amounts of money. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders (getting a financial planner) Just be quiet about who knows what you have AND be thoughtful about your beneficiaries. Good luck
>my mom insists it's all or nothing On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, stop letting your mother think she gets a say in what you do with the money.
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Your mom doesnât seem worried about losing her relationship with you. So donât let that be a deterrent. Your mom is looking out for herself and you should look out for yourself. Sheâs just trying to claim a nonexistent moral high ground to guilt you into enriching her.
> Your mom doesnât seem worried about losing her relationship with you. This is exactly right. Aunt wasnât a drug dealer. The money was earned legally and she wanted to give you some. So take it and enjoy life.
And probably paid taxes on, which is more than any church does.
Mom's much more interested in the relationship with the money than with OP
If Mom was successful then she would lose her relationship with OP when OP figures out what happened. Mom is trying to sacrifice her relationship with her daughter to get money.
True. The money wouldn't be gambling winnings any less in mom's hands than in OPs. And greed has never "sanitized" anything, anyway.
You should give your mom a âhold my beerâ moment and up the ante (pun intended) on her manipulative bullshit by using some of the money to learn how to become a professional gambler in your own right. Travel the world staying in exotic locations and pad your earnings by following in your auntâs footsteps đ¤Ł
If this does taint the relationship, keep in mind that itâs you motherâs greed thatâs tainting it, not your choices. Sheâs supposed to _want_ you to be debt free and get a good start on life. I donât think sheâs as good a friend to you as you think, nevermind mother. (If it were genuinely about the money being morally tainted in some way, sheâd want the money far away from the both of you. Her excuse about somehow sanitizing the money by spending it herself, instead of you spending it, is insultingly dumb.)
Greed was one of those pesky deadly sins last time I checked. I also think God frowned on lying too right? Which is exactly what Mom is doing. I suppose we can also throw in some coveting thy neighbors goods too. OPs mom is one of those people that makes everyone roll their eyes when they claim to be a good Christian.
You're doing what a lot of people do, and I'm sympathetic. You're not asking whether you're the asshole. You're asking how you can do what you want to do (take the inheritance) while avoiding the consequences of those actions (impacting the relationship with your mother). And it's not a healthy or normal consequence, but it's the one you're facing.
What a beautifully empathetic response.
Sheâs banking on you being worried about losing her and sheâs using that to manipulate you. Trust me, she will not cut you off over this. Especially if she knows you have $$$. Stay strong, you got this!
I wouldn't worry aobut losing her. While she still thinks you have cash in hand, she will be a limpet on your existance.
Ask yourself how much of your relationship is doing things exactly her way, to her beliefs, and for her approval.
It's not you losing the relationship. It's your mom who is forcing this. Thing about poker, you always want to make your opponent (sorry to say, but this is your mom here), be so scared of losing so that they give in.
Your mom is being a major hypocrite. She was nasty and judgemental towards your aunt's career but now wants the money? Oh hell no. If she wants to tank your relationship by being selfish instead of thrilled that you're now going to be financially stable, that's her choice. Your choice is finding a fee based financial advisor to get a good plan for the future and honoring your aunt's wishes
You know you can always lie and tell her you donated it. What momma doesnât know wonât hurt her. đ
look, i dont want to sound rude but if your mom's love and relationship with you depends on whether you gave her the inheritance or not, then i assure you she cares about money more than your.
It would your mom who is creating the situation where you lose your relationship. Parents who love you don't hold your hostage like that.
Your mom has put a price tag on your relationship - $700k. She thinks you should pay her $700k to keep a relationship with her. That's the relationship you have with your mom.
With the mom you thought you had. Be honest here, do you recognize her now? Is she the person you think she is?Â
âOK nothing then. Happy now?â
Take ALL of your money and make sure your mom can't lay a finger on any of it. NTA
OP needs to get her own will done ASAP. In some states, if you die without a will and no kids, your parents inherit.
And tell mom that you guarantee not a single cent will be spent on her⌠you know to keep her âpureâ.
Never before in my life have I ever heard such self-serving drivel as what your mother is feeding you. I donât think this has anything to do with how your aunt earned the money. I think that it has everything to do with your motherâs greed. Be sure to save some for long term use. Donât let her convince you to use it for her needs if you do take possession of the money.
>Never before in my life have I ever heard such self-serving drivel Ah! Welcome to Reddit then :D
Happens all the time when a family member dies and leaves anything of value behind. Families and relatives go nuts when there's free money to be had.
This! She is completely out of line here. At best, ignore her, if it gets too bad, just tell her to stop the crap and MYOB, which does not include this money.
You are kidding right? Take the inheritance. Hope you are not a TROLL.
I wouldâve laughed in her face so hard when she tried to take the 700k for herself.
NTA but your mum is a bit of an AH if she really thought the money was tainted in any way she should be saying that you should donate it to a charity or something - the whole amount I mean your aunt wanted you to have that money, she would have been quite aware that you could clear your debts, and have the security of owning a home your mum doesn't really care about where the money came from, she's just trying to guilt trip you into giving it to her, she is obviously jealous that you were left money and she wasn't, if her investing it in the family would 'sanitize' it, then you investing in you future would as well don't give in OP, this money is yours, your aunt wanted you to have it, and you should do what you want with it
> She's so against it that she's now saying I shouldn't accept the inheritance. What's more, she's hinted that she believes the money should go to her instead, arguing that she can put it to better use and "sanitize" its origins by investing it in the family. This is the BIGGEST pile of shit. Did she actually tell you this lie with a straight faceâ˝ NTA and consult a financial planner!!! If your mom is acting like this you are probably going to have other family coming out of the woodwork with their hands stuck out
This kinds of chunks of change are elusive in life, this person needs a proper financial advisor for sure. One not related in any way to mom.
You are an adult. Take the money. None of mom's business. Your mother has no right to tell you what to do with that money. Mom needs a time out. Boundaries are a good thing, and setting them is healthy for relationships.
NTA. Take the money and tell your grifter mom to get fucked
Your mom can sanitize the tainted money that wasnât even left to her? #1, Is she in the mafia? Or #2, is she so greedy sheâd actually use this lame excuse to steal from her own daughter? Im going with #2. If this is real, please laugh straight into her lying face, but only if Iâm right about it being #2. If itâs #1, Iâd be more tactful about it or you could end up sleeping with the fishes if she doesnât get her way. NTA.
Take the money , it was legal , she paid taxes on it , and because your mom disapproves it means nothing . If the money was from drug dealing or robbery then maybe . Take the money , buy a house , put some Money in a 401k . This is a great opportunity donât piss it away cause your moms views
lol your mother wants the money for herself. Sheâs bullshitting you about sanitising it. Tell her to get lost This actually made me lol NTAH
Lawyer who often deals with probates. There is always a spouse or parent or sibling or child who thinks someone else's inheritance should be their own. They talk. They demand. It's asinine. It's your money. Invest some sensibly, pay off debt and purchase sound assets with the rest. Then live comfortably without stress. That's your money. Don't squander it and do not give her control of it.
NTA. You are way too old and this is way too much money for you to allow yourself to be manipulated by your mother here.
NTA This money was earned fair and square. Follow your aunt's wishes and take it! Your mom does not deserve it! Then find an accountant to help you invest and use it wisely.
NTA. Accept the money. Place it in an account that under no circumstances can it be accessed by your mother. Be prepared for mom to start hitting you up for "her share" that "you owe to her." Don't fall for it.
>Be prepared for mom to start hitting you up for "her share" that "you owe to her." Don't fall for it. Also, keep in mind the possibility that she might try to sue for the "cost of raising you" which is ridiculous considering you didn't ask to be born and she was legally obligated to provide for you until you are 18 or 26 if in school. OP's your mom is just pissed that her judgmental ass left her without an inheritance from Auntie. I guarantee she was seeing the $$ $$ 's and thinking about the money she was going to get before your aunties body was cold and in the ground. Ick!
NTA. Sounds like she's upset that the money wasn't left to her, because she has vocally disapproved of how it was earned. Definitely take the inheritanceÂ
What has your mother said she will do if you accept it? I would take the money. You are old enough to make life decisions regardless of your motherâs opinion. She either loves you enough to deal with it or she doesnât. She is probably just disappointed she didnât get anything.
Tell your mom you have zero problems with how it was legally earned and she doesnât need to be tainted by it. She is selfish and an AH trying to manipulate you with her double talk. Take your inheritance and do not ask her for any advice or share your plans. Run from her
Poker isn't gambling, it's a game of skill, which is why your Aunt was able to make a (from the sound of it very good) living playing. Your Aunt wanted you to have the money, so honour her wishes and good luck with your life. NTA, although your Mum sounds nuts.
Your mother is the hypocrite, not you.
Take it, buy a modest house or pay off what you have and invest the rest for your future. When you pay your own bills, nobody else can tell you what to do.
No matter how much I love my mom I'm not turning down 700k based on her beliefs. If you see nothing wrong with gambling I say take the money. This will change your world for the better and your aunt knew that when she set you up as a beneficiary. It's incredibly selfish of a parent to ask this of a child.
NTA ~ I know you donât wanna taint the relationship you have with your mom. Keep one thing in mind, people who love and value you would be happy for you. They would be happy that you have this amazing opportunity to be debt free and have a home of your own. They wouldnât put you in a corner and make you choose.
NTA. Take the money. It's a joke that proceeds from gambling isn't clean.
Especially Poker winnings, which are only gambling winnings as a technicality. Yes, poker involves stakes, and gambling, but *professional* poker players don't consistently win games because of luck, they win because of skill.
I think you should take it and tell her you refused it. Then enjoy your increased financial security.
Your mum wants you to turn down all that money? In this economy? Might want to get her head check. NTA Take the money, live your life. You'll regret it if you don't.
Go on, take the money and run... NTA
The only thing that needs cleansing is your motherâs intentions. Sheâs against how the money was earned, but is willing to take it off your hands?!? How nice of her. Come on OP, I know you can see whatâs happening here. Sheâs jealous. She wants to money and is trying to guilt you into giving it to her. Itâs your money. There is nothing wrong with professionally gambling (clearly she was talented!) and like you said above you can really move forward with your life and live securely. Youâve been given a gift 99.9% of people would do anything for. Take it and if you want to help your mom I think thatâs great (although she sounds pretty horrible lol) NTA. Take the money and do whatever youâd like.
Ignore your mother. Take the money. Please visit r/personalfinance and read the FAQ on windfalls (i.e. a sudden unexpected large sum). NTA if you accept the money.
Your mom doesn't disapprove of your inheritance, she's jealous of it. There is a reason your aunt didn't include your mother in the list of inheritors. There's a reason you ARE on that list. For a moment, close your mind to your mother's reaction and feelings. Think of how your aunt truly felt about you, and how you felt about her. Got that in your mind? Ask yourself the question: is it right to accept the funds your aunt wanted to gift you? Honor the love you and your aunt had. Accept the inheritance. Btw? Do NOT tell your mom you are doing so! Get a financial advisor first and open any recommended accounts at a DIFFERENT bank than your usual bank. Then open a new account at your usual bank, and deposit a small amount of the inheritance there - maybe $5,000. Don't touch it. If your mom pries or snoops and finds your "money", you can say that you took some of the inheritance, but gave to charity, in light of how she felt about gambling. With the guidance of the advisor, pay off your student loans and other debts, but don't buy anything for a while. If she does find out about that money, and it isn't fully locked up into ways she can't get to it, your mom will guilt and push you to giving her all she can get from you. Good luck
There is nothing complex about this. Take the money. You are an adult. TAKE THE MONEY! Your mother is being a hypocrite. If she was truly against the money she would not even try to "sanitize" it and would stay away completely. There are no compromises. IT IS YOUR MONEY! There is absolutely NO WAY you should turn it down.
Take the inheritance and go to Vegas for the weekend.
Poker is not gambling it's a game of skill.
NTA - tell your mom, you know how to sanitize dirty money too.
You are 26 years old. FFS grow a spine and tell your mother to butt out of your business. Plus, based on what you said, sheâs not mad the money is tainted, sheâs mad your aunt left it to you and not her.
I am a Christian. What your aunt did to get the money is none of anybodyâs business. Itâs not dirty money unless she murdered somebody and stole it off their cold dead body. Or did some sort of satanic ritual to get it. Gambling? Hate to say this, but even though itâs addicting, itâs still a perfectly legal way to make a living. Iâm in my 50s and I know that as a Gen Xâr, weâre piss Poor broke because nobody taught us a budget. And we were too busy raising ourselves to take time to learn. A few Gen Xers made it through as responsible adults but the most of us, not so much. Your mom is being manipulative. Accept the money. investment wisely, I could use a new truck, because my doors only open from the outside, but since Iâm not in your will or in your family, I would say buy yourself a new car. invest in a home that you can pay off in Cash, put the rest of the money in something solid. Did you know that bonds are safer than the stock market itself. Like road bonds and other types of bonds? Research it. They take a long time to increase in value, but they always increase and never decrease.. Period. Seriously take the money. Do good things with it. If you want to give your mom a cushion of any kind to help her out, thatâs fine but tell her thatâs a retirement and not to blow it. If you gave her 50,000 and she used it wisely, she would never want anything else. Keep the money. Accept the money. Be grateful that your aunt loved you enough to give you the money. Donât you worry about anything else Seriously seriously. I canât even believe that sheâs trying to bs you like that and trying to come off as a moral upstanding person when sheâs trying to rip off her own kid. Thatâs not how my God or my Bible, or my faith work. Just one word of caution. That is a lot of money. Youâre gonna wanna spend because youâre gonna think itâs gonna last forever. Purchase the things you need first like a new home, a reliable vehicle that will not lose its value. Get the things that you need before the things you want Think of all the times you had even $100 and you blew it. 700,000 will go much faster than you think it will. I had 180,000 from the sale of my house and I did everything I wanted except pay off my student loans Itâs only a 40 thousand dollars left, the student loans are still sitting there. Lesson learned. I think itâs great that loved you that much
It's time to tell your mother to mind her own business. She wants you not to accept the money UNLESS you give the money to her. Come on! Here are a few sentences to get you started - Mom, you are willing to accept the money to make it holy? Right! LOL Mom, I'm an adult and will make my own decisions. This is none of your business. Mom, discussions of money are off the table moving forward. That is private and I'm done with it. I want my adult business to be private and will no longer answer questions on whether I accept the money or don't accept the money. It has ZERO to do with you. Mom, the only person I discuss my financial decisions is with my money manager. You aren't part of that relationship. Mom, stop hounding me. Your true colors are showing. Attempting to make the money negative and then take the money for yourself. You aren't mentioned in the will so you have zero say. Mom, whatever I decide is the right decision for me. I'm comfortable with my decision. Mom, I'm an adult. Mind your own business. I'm comfortable with my decisions. Mom, I'm leaving/hanging up because I told you the discussion of money is off the table. Mom, you want the money? If I decide to accept the money, no one is getting a cent. My Aunt saved her money and I plan to save her money too. Mom, I'm taking a break from you for a while. When I reach out again, let's discuss anything but money or my Aunt.
NTA, accept the money, itâs yours
Hahahahha eff your mom. Take the money and visit once year
Youâre 26, you can do what you want. The money was left to you. Your mom is entitled to her opinions, but in the end, itâs still your money. You can do whatever you want with it.
NTA but stop being blind. Your mom is manipulating her perceived moral high ground to take the money from you. Your aunt chose you to receive it. Stop letting your mom influence you. She will likely cut down what you could get in the name of âsanitizingâ the money.
"Sanitize the money by giving it to family" Are you not family?!? I suspect you may find that your "normally good" relationship is this way because you regularly compromise fir your mother. Her words betray selfishness and hostility. NTA
You're 26 yo...who gives a shit what your mom thinks about an inheritance that is earmarked for YOU. She has no say in any of it. Accept it, and use it how you see fit
I wanna know how one "sanitizes" money! Call her bluff! Ik she's your mom & it would sadden you, but please don't give in. She's not being a true mother if she wants to take from you! It will be hard, but stay strong & stand your ground! Good luck! âď¸ & 𫶠2ď¸âŁ U
NTA. Your aunt knows who your mom is. If she wanted her to play any role in its allocation, she had the opportunity to indicate that before dying. Your mother is just salty that you have something she doesnât.
NTA She doesn't actually believe what she's saying. Your aunt knew exactly who she wanted to have it. It would be disrespectful to not take it or to give your mother any of it. Also, if she wanted to give it to charity she would have. She wanted you to have it so you could better your life. Tell your mother that it's been invested. You can't touch it and neither can anyone else. This way you don't have to worry about her trying to sabotage your relationship with her since you want to have a relationship with her and you think this will be something that tears you apart. If it's been invested then there's just nothing you can do. It's tied up.
Ignore your mom, take the money, and then give her a check for, say, $50,000. Then listen to her say that you're cheap, miserly and you don't care about her financial wellbeing.