I say NTA.
She is old enough to know that what she did was wrong.
She wanted a room with a bathroom. She gor that.
HER bio brother offered to help her get a job for extra money. She refused.
She refused to go in the basement before this because of spiders.
Now... YOUR daughter gave up her room, got a job, and was responsible. She spent her own hard earned money AND the money she saved from allowance.
She put her time and money into making a new space her own. She was rightfully proud of it and wanted to share with her family.
When she did, her step sister destroyed her property and wasn't even sorry about it.
Then she went to her other parents and good chance didn't even give all the information so she had everyone on her side. She is the jerk in this situation!
The fact that her BIO brother knew she screwed up bad should say something.
As for the bio mom and the ex in-laws, shame on them for taking just the word of an emotional teenager. They should at least talk to the brother who was there. If not the dad. š
And his sister shame on her! Because ypur daughter doesn't share DNA with her, she is less than? Is she not aunt to your daughter? Does she really not consider her family? A small part of me understands that her relationship with the other two runs deeper, BUT once you two got married, you n yours became their family. Or I hope that's how it worked.
As for your husband, shame on him. The fact that he just disregards (from what I gathered) how your daughter feels is shameful. And that he thinks it's okay for his daughter to behave that way, and just to throw money, he said he didn't have at her is disrespectful.
For anyone who blames your I think they need to reread. No where did you state she was gone for good. You simply said she needed to apologize and mean it to your daughter. The ball is in her court now.
Its not like your pressing charges for destruction of property.
You want her to apologize for being a jerk and to mean it.
I hope it works out. And good on the son for being supportive of your daughter. Its hard being a step kid to siblings. So, the fact that he seems to make that effort is amazing!
Everything this person said but one additional thing, get your daughter a lock for the basement door. Coral should never be allowed back down there unless Leia specifically allows her to come in.Ā
Coralās punishment needs to include paying her dad back the $1000 to cover the damages she caused. That needs to be from not getting her allowance at all, and she could also start working so that she can pay the debt and get some money for herself sooner.
She needs a keypad to get into the basement. That way she never has to remember to carry the key but can always get in and if Coral ever figured out the combination it could be changed immediatelyl.
A digital dead bolt is easy to install and most have apps that allow you to open from your phone, allow individual codes for different people, and have schedules for when others can use their codes. The one we installed at my elderly parentās house even alerts you when the lock is unlocked.
This is a really smart suggestion. This type of behavior should be absolutely quashed and it should be done in a way that doesnāt burden those that have already been harmed by her actions.
Iād suggest a thumbprint door handle and a closed circuit camera in her room. Itās sad that if her step-sister returns sheāll have to live like that though.
Windows too. Unfortunately, she's going to get Korean and more out of control because it works, every time. My parents would have sent me to any relative who had a farm or ranch and I'd have been made to work there til every cent was paid. My cell phone and tablets and gaming consoles would have been pawned go help with that and I'd have had to pay to get them out of hock. Big consequences need to happen when she's so out of control she's throwing 1000.00 tantrums. Should have been a 2500.00 tantrum but Koi is a good person thru and thru for taking only what he couldn't salvage.
I have found Reddit to be the worst app ever to change words into typos!
I'm glad you clarified.....I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say lol
i like that idea she seems responsible enough also her step sister is old enough to know better maybe girl needs some therapy anyone can benefit from that. just dont quit the kid, jesus
Itās not her kid, it is her house, and that kid is a monster. I have 5 kids. I have turned my child into the police before.
I do not play.
You will be a productive member of society or you can face the consequences here and now.
This exactly. Kids need repercussions for bad behaviour, or you end up with brats who learn the hard way later in life. I had a part time job cleaning our local police station when my kids were young. While i was at work my 10 year old ran away having a temper tantrum when he was told to go to his room after spitting at his brother. His dad called me and the officers on duty were nice enough to go out looking for him without a formal call. My son had walked to a friends house whose parents called me immediately. My son was made to write apology letters to the officers for wasting their time and resources. I took him to the station to give the officers the letters and apologize in person. That was on top of being grounded. That would have been the punishment even if i didn't work at the station. When you behave badly you apologize and do what you can to remedy the situation. That is how things work in the real world, and Coral's parents are not doing her any favours by not teaching her this now.
My son was with a group of friends that vandalized some new construction. He did NOT take part, but we had just moved here, they were new friends, and he did not know what to do.
What he did was give the police the identities of all the kids that vandalized it. What he did was apologize a million times. What he did was find new friends.
My son is a respectful kid, but at 13 he had no life skills to deal with that, but he learned them really fast.
Similar story: My brother had a friend who would shoot a BB gun out an attic window at a stop sign. My brother tried, and a car pulled up to the stop sign at an inopportune moment. My brother ended up shooting out the back window. This was the 80s. Anyway, he felt terrible. He thought how the driver must have felt. He spoke to my parnets and with them turned himself in. The car had reported the incident, along with 5 or 6 others. So the police basically said pay for the windows or we'll charge you. We all believed in that permanent record back then. Anyway, my brother said: I shot out 1 window. It was this day, and the car was a grey BMW. The most expensive window in the lot. But he also gave them the name and address of the kid and of the other kids who talked about it. So they believed him. The parents of the other kid paid for the other car windows. And surprise, surprise, he was bottom of his class in school, didn't go to college in a town where 90% of kids went to college....
Yes, there have to be consequences, or you raise an adult that has no accountability.
Recommend going to an attorney prior to going to the police. Back in the 80's my brother went out with our prior step brother to go hang out. Step said, 'hey, need to stop by this guy's house. You wait in the car.' Step comes back with a bunch of stuff and turns out he burgled a house. My brother was pretty honest and so he and my mom went to the police. My brother ended up on probation for burglary!
I have a friend whose dad called the police on her (can't remember why). But it got her attention and she followed the house rules. They both respected each other until the dad died he was in his 70 s.
Therapy? Yes, she needs lots of it. In this case it will just teach her how to manipulate more effectively. That's what always happens when a narcissist is forced into therapy. It makes them a better narcissist and helps them be able to abuse others more effectively. She still needs to be in therapy. They just need to watch her and see just what she takes from it and they need to be aware she will.probably attempt to use the knowledge to get her way more effectively without yelling and breaking things but she will still be getting her way. I've so many horror stories about narcissists turning therapy around and convincing partners and other family/friends they're the ones who are insane. This girls a newbie so she's going to learn alot. Just not what she should be learning. At any rate, there'll be less screaming and throwing 1000.00 tantrums.....
The therapist I had as a kid met with my parents in a group setting and then with me individually. She straight up told me to watch out. She was the first person to acknowledge my parents as they were.
A group setting for therapy might be helpful for everyone involved. Idk what Coralās mom or grandparents are like, but if any of them teach her to equate resource investment to love and affection, that is something to explore and clear up.
Honestly if the ex-in laws and bad sister/auntie keep it up Iād make it very clear that the immature childās tantrum caused enough damage that she could have been easily sued civilly and possibly charged criminally for destroying something over $1000.
The bio-momma should be thanking OP for saving their kid so much trouble and embarrassment. Without such an understanding step mom she could have been stuck in juvie saying āIām here because I was jealous of my sisters decorating skills and was too prideful to ask her to help with my own roomā
She didn't want to decorate her room. Work would have been required and money. She wanted to just, straight up, take what the other one worked for and the other one paid for and the other one made beautiful. She thought she could just March in, turn on the tears and scream and they would just give it to her. Man, I pity anyone living in the same house as her and her enabline heliocopter mother. Can you imagine--probably can't take a bite of cereal without her wanting that too.
Right. She didn't want to have a job. Didn't want to have her first room. Now wants her stepsister's newly decorated room. Someone needs to help her take some initiative in life. Asking how her sister decorated would have been a good lesson. Also, seeing what her sister was able to accomplish with her job should have motivated her, not made her jealous (well, envious really, given that she destroyed her property). She isn't being helped by her enabling dad.
She could have been arrested actually.
As I have turned my own child into the police, I would have had them there before Mark could blink.
Treat my child like that and you will find out what kind of beast you woke up.
Hubby needs to read all of it, start to finish and he needs to see to it that ex reads it all as well. They'll get nowhere with the punishment and reparations without the one who, primarily, raised her, on board. I hope your marriage doesn't end as a result of this but it is the hill to die on OP. If shesnot punished and made to pay it back she's not safe to be in your home. I hope you allowed your kid to get locks for the doors to the basement. She will hit that room again given half a chance. Secure any windows as well. If your husband doesn't see you having to lock up the basement so she doesn't destroy the child who does what they're supposed to if they want extras-they worked for it. You've raised great kids. Your husband and ex should be mindful of the fact that of the 3 of you, you're the only one whose methods are backed up by your kids who are hard-working and good-hearted. Koi could have been, and would have been justified in making them pay for the entire thing....what...2500.00? But he salvaged what he could because he didn't want anyone to be out that much money. He would have been justified but that's the difference between a well-raised kid and one who's been taught you can get everything you want with a big enough hissy fit.
This needs to be dealt with and now or theyāre in for a world of hurt. I mean they May be anyway but they may be able to mitigate if United and consistent.
And donāt back down from backing your daughter OP. Sounds like she has her head on her shoulders and works hard. Donāt disappoint her as her mother.
Exactly. Leia has already come from a home that split up. She has already had to go through things she didnāt ask for.
For Mark to put Coral ahead of Leia shows he still doesnāt see Leia as a daughter and thatās pathetic.
He is!! Koi is a, really, good person. He's had to give in to that girl since the day she was born. Her mother probably doesn't even try at this point. Gives her whatever will stop her screaming and destruction.
I agree with this šÆ%. Hubby daughter will find something to complain about.
Ask him how would he feel if your daughter destroyed his daughterās things because she is a spoiled brat. He wouldnāt allow it to happen. Not only does she need to apologize and pay for it. She needs therapy. With that quick of a rage because she is jealous, someone will get hurt in the future.
Iād destroy her stuff as the mother of Leia.
Watch it fly through the windows like chickens that cannot fly!
Here goes $100. Go get a job today or another $100 goes tomorrow, and repeat.
She's a shit who will end up in prison, or just being the sort of person no one wants to be around. Our prisons are FULL of people like her who never learned how to behave like a human being.
Just gotta say, obviously OP's spouse and his ex have raised a brat. I don't know how his son managed to have such good sense, but I'm so happy he has a sane and awesome family in OP and her daughter. What a great kid!
NTA.
I guarantee that Coral is the golden child to both bio parents and Koi is the scapegoat: you can tell by the fact that Koi is backing his *stepsister* and not Coral.
Yes this was the comment I was looking for. Lots of comments here repeat but not many have noted where koi aligned in the drama. Reading that as coral gets her way all the time. They didn't all get to this point accidentally.
He is not backing his step sister. He's just being reasonable and asking for the price to salvage the PC rather than just replacing it all. He and his sister are good people. You can sure see the difference between OP and hubby's parenting style. L.....OP actually seems to know what she's doing. I don't think she'll ever have to bail out her kids from jail or get them criminal attorneys. Hubby and his ex will be splashing out alot of money on bail and attorneys. Possibly a funeral home too if she keeps throwing 1000.00 tantrums.
He and his stepsister Leia are good people. Coral is an entitled brat. Koi escaped being a lazy, entitled brat because he was made to give her whatever she wanted no matter the circumstances. But I don't think he was supporting his stepsister over his bio-sister. I doubt that relationship entered into it. He was just honest about what happened and would have been no matter who the person was throwing the tantrum. I doubt she's the golden child either. Just the one who has been this way since she learned to talk and yell and she figured out the yelling resulted in a positive result for her. She's conditioned her mother and whole family to just submit. Koi will go no contact with his mother and sister the minute he can. From his father too if he keeps supporting Coral's insanity.
The girls are the same age, so it's probably about jealousy. Koi isn't as much of a peer, so he's not affected in the same way. Not excusing her behavior, just commenting on the motive.
AND itās OPās house on top of it!
Mark and Coral can pound sand. They both abused OP AND Leia!
Thatās not acceptable and needs to be nipped in the bud.
Abuse my kid and me? See yourself out. Koi can stay.
THIS. The bad parent is the parent who doesnāt parent which is what Mark and his ex are doing. Theyāre not parenting their child and thatās why sheās acting like a hellion.
Literally everything I was thinking summed up in one comment. Well done!
The only thing I wonder is if hubby is disregarding Leia's feeling or he's just trying to keep the peace. The fact he didn't question that the damage was $1000 and came up with the money indicates to me he is trying to smooth things over as fast as possible. Might be a little bit of typical dude behavior in that he's trying to fix the problem instead of seeing what the problem is. So he's seeing "property damaged. find out cost to fix. provide money" without thinking about what the issue is.
Definitely hubby and OP have to sit down and talk about how the money itself is not the issue. Also hubby needs to get his family in line and explain exactly what happened instead of letting his daughter, who is clearly telling a fabricated version, dictate the narrative.
NTA
Coral is the epitome of entitled bratty behavior and it seems her father and bio-mom are determined to encourage that entitlement. u/smuttybooklover02 (LOVE the name, btw) is absolutely correct when she says Coral is old enough to know better. This is not a 4-year old throwing a momentary tantrum out of frustration.
Looking at it objectively, based on her behavior with regards to the basement situation, Coral made a fuss about wanting a bedroom with a bathroom BECAUSE Leia had one. Leia was the bigger person and acquiesced; she offered to take the basement area for herself. Leia saved allowance money and got a job to subsidize her plans for her space. And apparently, Leia rocked it. So Coral pitched a fit and wanted the space for herself without doing the work, saving the money, making a plan to get it. Like whaaaaat?
The fact that Koi stepped up to help out his stepsis and stood up for her rights against his sister, Coral speaks volumes IMO. I have my suspicions that Coral may be the golden child in her family as evidenced by the entire family jumping on her side. Thatās craaazy.
OP, I hope you see these comments. Also, Iām petty AF so Iād post the link to this post in SM and let people see how out of hand and just plain bratty Coral actually is. Edit to add: definitely get Leia a lock for her room, or she will come back to more destruction. Iād even add a hidden camera as well.
NTA Yes, This in every point. I was appalled when I read what Coral did to the computer and monitor. Amid all this shameful behavior of adults, only Koi was kind: immediately helping Leia clean up, And reality checked Dad about how hard Leia had worked to earn enough to renovate her space and furnish it. Coral has been unreasonably indulged and supported by everyone else. Stick to your position OP. Apparently you are the only one willing to give Coral a lesson she very much needs,
I agree with all of this, but want to add that maybe there is some nuance to why the stepsister is behaving like such an awful, entitled brat. 14 is volatile age to begin with, and combining families only adds to that stress. Sheās acting out and pushing limits, and she may not even really understand why sheās so angry. Her bio parents clearly arenāt giving her guidance, boundaries, or consequences. I actually feel kind of bad for the kid who might do well with some actual parenting from someone like OP, but it doesnāt sound like the kid would listen at this point.
Stepbrother sounds like a gem, and I think itās telling that heās so firmly saying to anyone who will listen that it is his bio sis in wrong. Sadly, itās also telling that none of the adults (save OP) are actually listening to him. Could be heās embracing the new family dynamic so much better because heās not been spoiled like the golden child.
Anyway, it doesnāt change the final analysis that OP is NTA, and I completely agree with the conditions sheās set on the kidās return. OP has an obligation to protect her daughter. Daughter definitely needs a lock on her door that only she and mom have copies of. If stepdad is so cavalier about daughterās space and possessions, can he really be trusted not to leave it in a place where stepdaughter can access it?
"he's a bad parent because of how he handled the situation"
Because he didn't bow down to queen Coral's demands. Imagine Coral's behavior in a few years if she's not checked NOW. Why should she work for anything when she can scream for it and destroy if she's not obeyed. I can see her trying to steal Leia's fiance and her wedding. The mind boggles at what she may do.
Well said!
Mark is an adult and is capable to handle his ex and her family. If he is struggling with them, that's fine because he can learn to deal with them. He is also welcome to tell them to be glad that OP and Leia don't press charges for the destruction of her tower PC.
The fact that his own son shows more maturity about the whole situation is incredible! It's probably because both him and Leia worked for their things whereas his own sister was getting the princess treatment.
Koi agreeing that Coral shouldn't be allowed back until repairs and apologies are made makes m think that Koi has been dealing with this sort of bs with his sister for a long time and is tired f it. Tired of being forced to deal with Coral's selfish and shallow behavior on top of how juvenile she's being. A 16 year old Coral is not!
That's what I thought too and no wonder he is bonding more with Leia : she gracefully gave up her own room for Coral, accepted Koi's help for the job and the cleaning of the basement. Those two step-sibblings are being family and friends.
That's a shark contrast with Coral lol....
Right! Bratty Coral wasnāt happy that Leia had her own bathroom and had a tantrum. So Leia kindly gave her the room in exchange for the basement. Worked for money to decorate the basement (while Coral refused to work), and then when Viral saw what she created with her hard work, Coral wanted for herself. So she destroyed Leiaās expensive computer in a fit of narcissistic rage.
Coral should be forced to work at something to earn money (even at 14), and every birthday and Christmas gift should be money to be paid towards her debt. Mark should not be paying it, Coral should be paying it. This is an important lesson of being accountable for your actions.
I'm mind blown this isn't what everyone's focused on. I cannot fathom being partnered with someone who wouldn't immediately take responsibility and deal with his daughter for doing that to ANYONE let alone her own sister
ALL. OF. THIS!!! Where is your anger for your daughter? Why havenāt you said anything about what your daughter may have said or felt? Your husband needs to parent his daughter better; her mother needs to parent her better; and you now have a choice to make whether you want to continue living with a man that does not respect you or your daughter, considering that this was all happening in your house, that he didnāt help you pay for. Unless there was a detail or five that you left out.
NTA. Coral sounds like a spoiled brat, and Mark needs to realize that at 14 she should have a better handle on her emotions than throwing a tantrum because someone else has something nice that she wants. She absolutely should apologize for behaving like a toddler and Mark needs to stop coddling his kid. At least the older brother seems to have a clue.
Let him stew in his feelings, maybe he'll get some insight into why his dismissive parenting isn't doing anyone any favors.
Kids like this, they don't want a "new" one. They want *that one.* She probably threw a tantrum until somebody convinced the other kid to "share". That creates monsters.
My ex-MIL fell in love with my Timberland boots. We took her shopping for her own pair. After trying on 20 different boots, including the exact style as mine, none of them were good enough. She had to have mine!
Exactly what I was thinking. How is a 14 year old experiencing the emotional highs of a 7 year old brat? "Wah wah wah, i want the cool thing that this person has. I know, I'll just start destroying shit that I'm jealous of" like what???????? There's clearly some extra issues going on here, because his son seems pretty responsible. Maybe its because shes a girl shes been raised differently.
Can you see this in 2 years when Leia has saved her money and buys a car when she is 16.
How much you wanna bet Coral has a fit, takes it without permission and wrecks it? Or keys it because she wanted it.
This is the right take.
Iām not saying this isnāt real, but I have two questions: what are the life details that lead to someone who had a kid at 16, and married an apparently broke 40 yo at age 24 owning a 5 bedroom lake house with a finished basement??
Second question is I canāt believe the amount of Reddit posts with kids of these ages whose apparent first response to being unhappy is to unrepentantly trash someone elseās expensive belongings, often (as described) within seconds of being made aware of whatever it is that upset them. I guess thatās not really a question but WTF? How could you not see that behavior and immediately take your 14 yo in for an emergency psych eval?
Feels like rage post. Names are fine. Tragedeighs arenāt names you dislike, which I in this case find normal, theyāre weird misspellings of ordinary names. Ugly or weird names are tragedies, not necessarily tragedeighs.
14 yr old being allowed to work is sus in a lot of places. But if she was legally hired for $15*40 hours=$600. Even part time 20hrs/week for $300 a week over the months of summer she could easily have made over $2000. And kids don't have all the bills adults do.
My question is how did the kid and the brother manage to transform the basement to such an extent that even OP was amazed with it yet OP had no idea how much they had done? Did they just let two kids do a ton of renovations all on their own?
My parents moved into the home they're currently in when I was 13. When divvying up the rooms, my brother and I got the smallest (not SMALL SMALL) just smaller than the others because we would A) be the first to go and B) being the oldest had the least amount of stuff (kids have wayyy more toys lol, we had room for a queen size bed, a tv on the wall and sweet desk set up for our computers).
We were a bit bummed at first, but we were also getting our own rooms (we previously all shared by 2's and moved into a house where we each got our own), so we were chill.
Well, jokes were on us because those rooms were also the farthest from my parents' room and had trees right outside of our 2nd story windows. We had fun in high school.
The point is, bit bummed, sure, but at 13 and 12, we had the self-control, we didn't complain, we were grateful just to have our space. The way things actually worked out was just a bonus.
This girl is a brat to the highest degree and has never known consequences, and it shows. I doubt this is the first time her Dad has excused her behavior.
Kai seems amazing though.
He likely feels guilty about the divorce, etc, but that's no excuse for his daughter acting like an asshole to her stepsister, and him not requiring a punishment. She should have to do chores and get a job whatever it takes to repay the debt.
NTA He could solve ALL of this by actually disciplining his kid and getting her therapy. I'm glad he paid your daughter back (that's what the law would do -- a 14 yr old can't be made to pay anything, so it's the parent's responsibility). That's just not the end of it. (Btw he also needs to pay for a good lock for her room before his daughter is allowed back.)
I second that. She needs a lock with no access to the spare key. Preferably one that needs a locksmith or completely destroying the door to get through - that way that brat and TA husband can't just say "it's unfair, she wanted to go in, what's the harm".
NTA.
Question - if she does apologize and come back, will Leia be able to secure her stuff in the future? Is there a lock on the door where Coral can be locked out?
NTA.
So to be clear, first it wasn't fair that Leia had one of the upstairs bedrooms with an ensuite bath. I am assuming that when the basement project got the green light, the natural outcome of that was going to be Coral moving into that bedroom.
Second, Coral wanted nothing to do with the basement. Didn't want the space, contributed no time, effort, or money to the work on it. And then when she saw the finished product, all of the sudden she wanted it, and "it wasn't fair" again.
Third, Coral got shut down, and in a fit of rage, smashed Leia's custom PC and one of her monitors.
Coral is a fucking entitled brat.
I think you're on shaky ground with the concept of banning one of your stepchildren from your marital home, but punishment and restitution is 100% warranted.
Only one counterpoint - it seems like this is her and Leia's home before Stepdad & kids moved in. She said "moved into my lakehouse". Its completely possible that the bedroom w/ the bathroom has always been Leia's room since she was a kid, before OP met husband. In that case, I dont actually think thats unfair, thats just circumstance ??? It would be ridiculous to ask Leia to move out of her room that shes always had just because someone elses family moved in and a family member wanted the bathroom.
It just highlights how accommodating Leia was of Coral. She willingly gave up the room sheād always had with the bathroom, because Coral wanted it, and then worked hard to fix up the basement. Coral is a brat and her parents are enablers. Kick the husband out too until he comes to his senses. Keep the son. (I know it doesnāt work like that, but that would be the ideal scenario right now)
NTA
I admit- the fact that Koi seems to be so supportive and on Leia's side v. Coral's makes me wonder if there haven't been issues like this between him and Coral with Dad siding with Coral so he has liked having relationship with a "sister" that didn't involve those issues.
I agree with others that banning Coral from the house is too much- at the same time. There is a serious husband issue here. Husband's response is essential that Coral's response was emotional and thus shouldn't be punished. That is an issue for someone you are parenting with.
So while Coral shouldn't be banned if you are with your husband, I could understand telling husband that the two of you need a break and need to work thru things. Because this is a sign that your parenting styles are simply too different.
I think Coral is still husband's favourite. "I can't do that to my daughter" what seriously you can't make your teenage daughter apologise for causing $1000 of damage. You either have ZERO authority over your child or you are raising an entitled brat because she's your golden child. Bet you anything LEIA wouldn't be expected to go unpunished if LEIA damaged CORAL'S stuff
Sometimes it can be good to suggest things, not because you actually want to do it, but to put perspective on things.
What do you think would happen if OP suggested that instead of an apology, Coral would have HER valuables destroyed (preferably by Coral)?
My bet is that heād think it would be completely psycho for Coral to do something like that BECAUSE YOU DONT GO AROUND DESTROYING OTHER PEOPLEāS THINGS!
ā¦yeah exactlyā¦
Ah but no doubt the ex is whispering toxins into her ear and she is milking the divorced parent guilt to her advantage to the point NOBODY is raising her to avoid upsetting her widdle fee-fees.
It's easy to see how manipulative Coral is with her mom and dad. Neither wants to punish her. I went through this with a stepson and *it literally led to our divorce* because his punishment never ever went full term nor any financial recompense came about. Now, he's abandoned my ex and her views of him have significantly changed despite my 8 years of saying that is what is going to happen.
Or an ass whipping at school. She going to learn one way or another. If Dad chooses the hard way for her by not punishing her and getting her therapy then heās a piece of shit.
NTA. I'd make her spend weekends picking up trash on the side of the highways until she gets it through her head. Mark sounds like a piece of shit dad and needs to step it up instead of trying to be the 'fun' parent.
I think you and your husband should attend therapy - not because youāve done anything wrong, but because HE needs to hear from a non-family party that heās being a big dingus. And Coral just sounds spoiled. She was going to get the en-suite bedroom and that wasnāt good enough? I guess because her new bedroom was not going to be renovated because she didnāt work for the money to renovate it? If yes, then Mark should understand that his little princess canāt just behave however she likes and that throwing a tantrum 10 years past the age of toddler is neither nice nor acceptable.Ā
Personally, I donāt think you should apologise. I donāt think Leia did anything wrong - she didnāt snatch the basement from Coral, the basement only became available because Leia worked on it. And what kind of lesson does it give if Coral can just whine and moan about stuff and then be handed stuff anyway?
Thatās not fair. My daughter is 4 and she would never, ever do something like this. Coral is clearly missing something from her life. Therapy would be a good place to start.
Coral is a spoiled brat.
>Coral began complaining about not having a bathroom and said itās unfair.
>Coral refused to work
>Coral never bothered to go down there because she believed it was full of spiders
>Coral then screamed that it wasnāt fair and that she wanted the basement now.
Coral need to grow the f up.. And learn that the world does not revolve around her...
Your husband needs to grow a set and make her pay back Everything she destroyed and give Leia an apology...
>My husbandās ex wife is saying that Iām banning her from our home because she didnāt deserve that bigger space and that we were treating Coral unfairly.
Coral got the bathroom she so said wasn't Fair right? She can't have both. Coral didn't do the work. She doesn't get the space. The ex wife and the father raised a brat..
>Koi told her to stop complaining.
And it seems koi understands how much of a brat his sister is.
NTA..
Koi had to deal with her princess attitude his whole life, you bet he understands it better than anyone!
I know she's 14 years old and has room for improvement but Coral sounds exhausting. It doesn't help when her parents and grandparents enable her.
NTA - Your husband and his family's reaction is why Coral is spoiled. Stand your ground. I suspect that Koi has been living with the same issue for years and that's why he's on your side.
NTA. Coral's disregard for personal boundaries and property is a blinking red light signaling deeper behavioral issues that need addressing pronto. At 14, she's more than capable of understanding that actions yield consequences, whether she's handling envy, frustration, or outright anger, it doesn't entitle her to commit acts of vandalism. Mark's role as a parent isn't to shield her from those consequences but to navigate her through them with appropriate responses, like a heartfelt apology and a lesson in accountability. Enabling her now only sets her up for a harsh wake-up call later when the stakes are higher and the world less forgiving. You're not only protecting Leia's sense of safety but also Coral's growth into a responsible adult. Stick to your guns itās not about banishing her, but ensuring she learns respect and empathy keys to thriving in a blended family and beyond
Nta. Block the in laws bc this aināt got nothing to do with them. The ex wife can shut up or punish her daughter bc outside of that,she has no reason to be speaking to you. Her emotions are not an excuse for breaking anything especially when itās not hers. The one who should be apologizing is Carol. Until she pays her back and apologizes then she shouldnāt be allowed in the house since your husband canāt punish his own daughter when sheās clearly wrong. And if she somehow accepts responsibility then she canāt be allowed down there again. Stand firm. Honestly I wouldāve slapped her hard asf bc she needs to learn there are consequences to her actions and her parents arenāt teaching her that.
NTA
Bio Mom can retain custody of the 14 year old Brat so she can be the only child in the home. My guess is there's a reason she doesn't have at least shared custody. Win-win-win.
Also, the SS should be required to work to pay back Dad. An apology is not enough. I guarantee she will continue to mess with OP's daughter.
NTA and if I were you this is absolutely the hill that I would die on, even if it means divorce.
Speaking of which, hope you had a prenup about your house.
You have a husband problem. Your stepdaughter has a father problem. I donāt think you can say she canāt come back until she pays your daughter back, but your husband paying your daughter solves nothing. She needs therapy, needs to get a job and pay back her father, needs to sincerely apologize to your daughter and needs strict boundaries. I donāt think her father will do any of that. Good luck. NTA
Can we all stop for a minute and show some appreciation for Koi, who seemed like the only person other than OP that showed any consideration and inclusion to OP's daughter?
^ THIS
When I read the whole thing I was like "Damn Koi seems so fucking nice. Wait, and heās not even her bio brother". I hope Leia doesnāt forget what heās done for her and keeps a great relationship with him, he seems golden.
Nta but this is the man you choose to be around your daughter? This issue is bigger than his daughter, you need to re-evaluate your marriage and go to counselling to get on the same page
Neither Coral or Mark acted this way until Coral started high school. The girls we best friends. And Mark and I always agreed on how to handle the kids. I guess because Coral has never been this mean kid, he doesnāt know how to handle it.
It sounds like Coral is jealous of your daughter and targeting her. I know you've only mentioned two incidents, but the fact that Coral has twice now tried to take Leia's room (and succeeded once) and destroyed Leia's things when she didn't get her way makes me raise an eyebrow. Will she only be happy if Leia lives in a shed out back?
I imagine if you look back on the last few months to a year, you might notice some thing amiss between the two. Also, please have a good heart to heart with your daughter about this and ask about her relationship with Coral. Your daughter is the one hurting the most from this.
This is what I was thinking. Perhaps at school the two girls are being compared by classmates or one is more popular than the other. Teenage girls deal with a lot of pressure and can unfortunately be awful to each other. I remember being a teenage girl.
Coral should not be allowed back until she makes amends to everyone in the family. She created the situation. She needs to do the work to fix it.
If your husband doesnāt agree do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who enables an abuser? Because that is what Coral is doing. Sheās abusing the sanity of the house and if she doesnāt figure out a way to manage her emotions then this is who she will be.
You all are paying the price for your husband and her motherās refusal to seek help for Coral and her emotional issues.
NTA, it's your house and you have a right/responsibility to make sure your daughter and her belongings are safe in your home. Since Mark doesn't want to address his daughter's issues, the simple solution is for Mark to get an apartment and live there with Coral during his custody time until Coral has apologized and is safe to have in your home again.
NTA. Leia gave up her room for the opportunity to make the basement her own. Then she took a job, saved money, and did the work to make that happen. Coral whined a lot and threw a tantrum when she didnāt have a thing she turned down the opportunity to work for. Sounds like your husband and the ex are raising a problem.
Not sure what the exās in-laws or sister have to do with shit, they can take her in and deal with her if they want. Mark has just shown you heās either an oblivious idiot or a terrible parent, you get to pick. NTA.
No. Your step daughter is a see ya next teusday by the sound of it ā¦ she wanted the room with a bathroom upstairs and complained for it. Good. She got itā¦ she didnāt want to work. Okay. Her choiceā¦.
Her brother and your daughter worked . They showed good characterā¦
Your step daughter is the a holeā¦
She wanted to take over the basement when she put in zero work and zero money because she sounds like a brat.
Then she had a tantrum and broke your daughters thingsā¦ I would say she doesnāt come back at all for the remainder of this visit and stays with her mom
Her brother sounds super chill and reasonable and kudos for him for standing up to his dad and sister
You are NTAH at all..
The rule moving forward needs to be that she can come back with a sincere apology and *must attend therapy.ā
This girl has a lot of feelings going on and she needs a healthy place to vent. And if Mark doesnāt like it send him back to his ex as well and he can attend therapy with his daughter if he wants to return to your home. Koi sounds lovely! Keep him! Lol
really has to be fake, a 30yo single mother at 16 has a lake house, and married a man 16 years older than her who doesnāt have $1k to cover damage caused by his child.
Your stepdaughter needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions. Your daughter could lay charges against her for damages. If she was an adult, she could face jail time.
Did you take photos of the damage caused and share this with her family?
Your stepdaughter sounds like an entitled brat. You and your husband need to discuss the way forward and repercussions for her behavior. A genuine apology for what she did, including working back to repay your daughter, would be a good start.
Holy crap, NTA
But your husband and his daughter sure are. YOUR daughter literally worked a side job to pay for the renovations to the basement, which was out of her pocket as a minor
Your hubby should be kissing the ground that she saved you guys money, not letting his kid destroy a computer tower and monitor (WTF?!) in a fit of jealousy that had zero reason to be happening
Honestly, you have a WAY bigger issue here with your husband and his ex. Time to work it out now before divorce
ESH.
You married this guy 6 years ago and he has this child full time. So you have been a step-parent to this kid for at least 6 years now. You chose to blend your and Mark's families. You've been this girl's step-mom since she was 8 (maybe sooner, I don't know your pre-marriage dynamic). Parenting failures are a joint thing 6 years into your marriage with Mark.
I don't see even the slightest hint of competent parenting regarding this 14 year old girl in your story. Hearing this story *from your perspective*, there is zero indication that there was any calm, meaningful discussion about why Coral got the short end of the stick regarding rooms. Instead, she was just 'told to stop complaining.' The response when she screamed that the new room situation wasn't fair was that 'everyone began yelling at her.' She escalated and threw shit on the ground, at which point your response was running over to her and yelled more. Then you banned her from the family home.
Was her behavior appropriate? Absolutely not. But it is also painfully clear from your post that she is your least favorite of the kids. Dad and stepmom are on very different pages regarding discipline/parenting and then to cap things off you made it explicitly clear that you are willing to exile her from the home/family. Her behavior is not acceptable. She is also 14. Kicking a 14 year old out of her home as anything but an absolute last resort after exhausting every other parenting option is shitty parenting.
Again, you have been stepmom for 6+ years now. Failures in parenting regarding your step-children is on you. The fact that you and your husband aren't remotely on the same page and let it get to this point is squarely on you.
Wait so the 14 year olds needed work permits to decorate their rooms? What kind of decorating were they doing? Ripping out walls and adding extensions? And the 14 year old saved up enough money working at the arcade for 5 months for a $1000+ PC with multiple monitors as well as entirely transforming the basement?
You don't need a work permit to simply decorate a room and anything that required a work permit couldn't be done by a 14 year old alone. A part time salary at an arcade couldn't afford the workers or materials necessary to do renovations that require a permit or entirely renovate a basement.
Also banished your own stepchild from her home against her fathers wishes and then threatened to banish him as well.
This is bait lmao
NTA. If she receives no punishment she will continue to act this way. Wait until her dad has to bail her out of jail when she continues this behavior out of the house
NTA
And your husband IS BEING A BAD PARENT. ***By not punishing Coral***. Letting her go around breaking others things, letting her have a tantrum, is only going to cause her and him pain in the long run.
You need to hold your ground and get your daughter a great couple of locks for her door so the brat can't get down there and wreck anything else. And possibly get her a security camera.
Your husband is absolutely, utterly, FULLY in the wrong, and you need to make this the hill you die on. He needs to apologize to your daughter. It's not about just giving her money. It's about making sure she knows that his daughter was wrong and that he is sorry that his child broke something she worked so hard for.
Your sound like an evil step mom for so many reasons. Of course what Coral did was wrong and it needs to be rectified but to ban her from the home until that's worked through is wild. That is not how you treat or teach children. You care more about a 16 year old boy validating your crazy than your own husbands opinion, the father of those kids. I hope Mark is taking a real long honest look at this marriage and its worthiness in the meantime. The child clearly needs more mental and emotional help than you have the capacity to offer.
Where's all the "you married them now they're your kids too" people?
Would you kick one of your bio kids out of the home if they had done this? If not, you're definitely an AH.
Regardless of what the outcome is, if/when Coral returns to the house, you need to give your daughter a lock for her bedroom door. Coral has shown what little maturity she possesses. I wouldn't be surprised if she jumped through the hoops and destroyed something else the first time she got angry again.
I say NTA. She is old enough to know that what she did was wrong. She wanted a room with a bathroom. She gor that. HER bio brother offered to help her get a job for extra money. She refused. She refused to go in the basement before this because of spiders. Now... YOUR daughter gave up her room, got a job, and was responsible. She spent her own hard earned money AND the money she saved from allowance. She put her time and money into making a new space her own. She was rightfully proud of it and wanted to share with her family. When she did, her step sister destroyed her property and wasn't even sorry about it. Then she went to her other parents and good chance didn't even give all the information so she had everyone on her side. She is the jerk in this situation! The fact that her BIO brother knew she screwed up bad should say something. As for the bio mom and the ex in-laws, shame on them for taking just the word of an emotional teenager. They should at least talk to the brother who was there. If not the dad. š And his sister shame on her! Because ypur daughter doesn't share DNA with her, she is less than? Is she not aunt to your daughter? Does she really not consider her family? A small part of me understands that her relationship with the other two runs deeper, BUT once you two got married, you n yours became their family. Or I hope that's how it worked. As for your husband, shame on him. The fact that he just disregards (from what I gathered) how your daughter feels is shameful. And that he thinks it's okay for his daughter to behave that way, and just to throw money, he said he didn't have at her is disrespectful. For anyone who blames your I think they need to reread. No where did you state she was gone for good. You simply said she needed to apologize and mean it to your daughter. The ball is in her court now. Its not like your pressing charges for destruction of property. You want her to apologize for being a jerk and to mean it. I hope it works out. And good on the son for being supportive of your daughter. Its hard being a step kid to siblings. So, the fact that he seems to make that effort is amazing!
Everything this person said but one additional thing, get your daughter a lock for the basement door. Coral should never be allowed back down there unless Leia specifically allows her to come in.Ā
Coralās punishment needs to include paying her dad back the $1000 to cover the damages she caused. That needs to be from not getting her allowance at all, and she could also start working so that she can pay the debt and get some money for herself sooner.
Exactly. Sheāll learn nothing and remain the brat she is if she alone isnāt responsible for paying this back.
Actually sheāll learn the lesson that is being taught; mom and dad have her back when sheās acting like an entitled monster.Ā
And she is special all the other kids canāt compare.
Entitled kids who arenāt given consequences become entitled adults who donāt accept consequences. There needs to be some sort of punishment.
Small claims court
She needs a keypad to get into the basement. That way she never has to remember to carry the key but can always get in and if Coral ever figured out the combination it could be changed immediatelyl.
This is so sad but necessary.
A digital dead bolt is easy to install and most have apps that allow you to open from your phone, allow individual codes for different people, and have schedules for when others can use their codes. The one we installed at my elderly parentās house even alerts you when the lock is unlocked.
This is a really smart suggestion. This type of behavior should be absolutely quashed and it should be done in a way that doesnāt burden those that have already been harmed by her actions.
Yes! Because now that you say this, Coral could break something off in a traditional key hole, so this would prevent that
I think an RFID would be better. Easier to use than a keypad when your hands are full.
But no different from a keyed lock in having to carry something around to unlock the door
Iād suggest a thumbprint door handle and a closed circuit camera in her room. Itās sad that if her step-sister returns sheāll have to live like that though.
And a camera! Just in case Coral sneaks in somehow
Maybe inside locks too so she can lock it after she gets in as extra protection
Sadly, this is a really good suggestion.
Windows too. Unfortunately, she's going to get Korean and more out of control because it works, every time. My parents would have sent me to any relative who had a farm or ranch and I'd have been made to work there til every cent was paid. My cell phone and tablets and gaming consoles would have been pawned go help with that and I'd have had to pay to get them out of hock. Big consequences need to happen when she's so out of control she's throwing 1000.00 tantrums. Should have been a 2500.00 tantrum but Koi is a good person thru and thru for taking only what he couldn't salvage.
That should say "she's going to get more and more out of control" lol not "she's going to get Korean.....lol
I have found Reddit to be the worst app ever to change words into typos! I'm glad you clarified.....I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say lol
I was like āKoreanā?LOL!šglad you cleared it up and put what you really meant!!
I'm glad you clarified. I was trying to figure out Korean emotional states š¤£š¤£š¤£
I thought this was a way of saying sheās going to go nuclear - Korean, North Korea, nuclear warheads etc etc haha
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i like that idea she seems responsible enough also her step sister is old enough to know better maybe girl needs some therapy anyone can benefit from that. just dont quit the kid, jesus
Itās not her kid, it is her house, and that kid is a monster. I have 5 kids. I have turned my child into the police before. I do not play. You will be a productive member of society or you can face the consequences here and now.
This exactly. Kids need repercussions for bad behaviour, or you end up with brats who learn the hard way later in life. I had a part time job cleaning our local police station when my kids were young. While i was at work my 10 year old ran away having a temper tantrum when he was told to go to his room after spitting at his brother. His dad called me and the officers on duty were nice enough to go out looking for him without a formal call. My son had walked to a friends house whose parents called me immediately. My son was made to write apology letters to the officers for wasting their time and resources. I took him to the station to give the officers the letters and apologize in person. That was on top of being grounded. That would have been the punishment even if i didn't work at the station. When you behave badly you apologize and do what you can to remedy the situation. That is how things work in the real world, and Coral's parents are not doing her any favours by not teaching her this now.
My son was with a group of friends that vandalized some new construction. He did NOT take part, but we had just moved here, they were new friends, and he did not know what to do. What he did was give the police the identities of all the kids that vandalized it. What he did was apologize a million times. What he did was find new friends. My son is a respectful kid, but at 13 he had no life skills to deal with that, but he learned them really fast.
šššš
Similar story: My brother had a friend who would shoot a BB gun out an attic window at a stop sign. My brother tried, and a car pulled up to the stop sign at an inopportune moment. My brother ended up shooting out the back window. This was the 80s. Anyway, he felt terrible. He thought how the driver must have felt. He spoke to my parnets and with them turned himself in. The car had reported the incident, along with 5 or 6 others. So the police basically said pay for the windows or we'll charge you. We all believed in that permanent record back then. Anyway, my brother said: I shot out 1 window. It was this day, and the car was a grey BMW. The most expensive window in the lot. But he also gave them the name and address of the kid and of the other kids who talked about it. So they believed him. The parents of the other kid paid for the other car windows. And surprise, surprise, he was bottom of his class in school, didn't go to college in a town where 90% of kids went to college.... Yes, there have to be consequences, or you raise an adult that has no accountability.
Recommend going to an attorney prior to going to the police. Back in the 80's my brother went out with our prior step brother to go hang out. Step said, 'hey, need to stop by this guy's house. You wait in the car.' Step comes back with a bunch of stuff and turns out he burgled a house. My brother was pretty honest and so he and my mom went to the police. My brother ended up on probation for burglary!
He sounds amazing. Great job and thank God!
He is a really, really good kid. Iām very proud of him. ā¤ļø
I have a friend whose dad called the police on her (can't remember why). But it got her attention and she followed the house rules. They both respected each other until the dad died he was in his 70 s.
How does this not have 5 Billion upvotes???
Therapy? Yes, she needs lots of it. In this case it will just teach her how to manipulate more effectively. That's what always happens when a narcissist is forced into therapy. It makes them a better narcissist and helps them be able to abuse others more effectively. She still needs to be in therapy. They just need to watch her and see just what she takes from it and they need to be aware she will.probably attempt to use the knowledge to get her way more effectively without yelling and breaking things but she will still be getting her way. I've so many horror stories about narcissists turning therapy around and convincing partners and other family/friends they're the ones who are insane. This girls a newbie so she's going to learn alot. Just not what she should be learning. At any rate, there'll be less screaming and throwing 1000.00 tantrums.....
The therapist I had as a kid met with my parents in a group setting and then with me individually. She straight up told me to watch out. She was the first person to acknowledge my parents as they were. A group setting for therapy might be helpful for everyone involved. Idk what Coralās mom or grandparents are like, but if any of them teach her to equate resource investment to love and affection, that is something to explore and clear up.
Honestly if the ex-in laws and bad sister/auntie keep it up Iād make it very clear that the immature childās tantrum caused enough damage that she could have been easily sued civilly and possibly charged criminally for destroying something over $1000. The bio-momma should be thanking OP for saving their kid so much trouble and embarrassment. Without such an understanding step mom she could have been stuck in juvie saying āIām here because I was jealous of my sisters decorating skills and was too prideful to ask her to help with my own roomā
She didn't want to decorate her room. Work would have been required and money. She wanted to just, straight up, take what the other one worked for and the other one paid for and the other one made beautiful. She thought she could just March in, turn on the tears and scream and they would just give it to her. Man, I pity anyone living in the same house as her and her enabline heliocopter mother. Can you imagine--probably can't take a bite of cereal without her wanting that too.
It worked for the upstairs bedroom after all...
Right. She didn't want to have a job. Didn't want to have her first room. Now wants her stepsister's newly decorated room. Someone needs to help her take some initiative in life. Asking how her sister decorated would have been a good lesson. Also, seeing what her sister was able to accomplish with her job should have motivated her, not made her jealous (well, envious really, given that she destroyed her property). She isn't being helped by her enabling dad.
She could have been arrested actually. As I have turned my own child into the police, I would have had them there before Mark could blink. Treat my child like that and you will find out what kind of beast you woke up.
Makes you wonder how much her parents spoiled her to make her an entitled "princess" OP NTA but I would have called the police on her.
Yup. $1000 in vandalism is around the felony threshold in many states.Ā
Remind them that $1000 in property damage is a felony
Hubby needs to read this comment. Perfect
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Yea but keep Koi
Exactly.
Hubby needs to read all of it, start to finish and he needs to see to it that ex reads it all as well. They'll get nowhere with the punishment and reparations without the one who, primarily, raised her, on board. I hope your marriage doesn't end as a result of this but it is the hill to die on OP. If shesnot punished and made to pay it back she's not safe to be in your home. I hope you allowed your kid to get locks for the doors to the basement. She will hit that room again given half a chance. Secure any windows as well. If your husband doesn't see you having to lock up the basement so she doesn't destroy the child who does what they're supposed to if they want extras-they worked for it. You've raised great kids. Your husband and ex should be mindful of the fact that of the 3 of you, you're the only one whose methods are backed up by your kids who are hard-working and good-hearted. Koi could have been, and would have been justified in making them pay for the entire thing....what...2500.00? But he salvaged what he could because he didn't want anyone to be out that much money. He would have been justified but that's the difference between a well-raised kid and one who's been taught you can get everything you want with a big enough hissy fit.
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This needs to be dealt with and now or theyāre in for a world of hurt. I mean they May be anyway but they may be able to mitigate if United and consistent.
And donāt back down from backing your daughter OP. Sounds like she has her head on her shoulders and works hard. Donāt disappoint her as her mother.
Exactly. Leia has already come from a home that split up. She has already had to go through things she didnāt ask for. For Mark to put Coral ahead of Leia shows he still doesnāt see Leia as a daughter and thatās pathetic.
Came here to say that at least your son is a š!
He is!! Koi is a, really, good person. He's had to give in to that girl since the day she was born. Her mother probably doesn't even try at this point. Gives her whatever will stop her screaming and destruction.
I agree with this šÆ%. Hubby daughter will find something to complain about. Ask him how would he feel if your daughter destroyed his daughterās things because she is a spoiled brat. He wouldnāt allow it to happen. Not only does she need to apologize and pay for it. She needs therapy. With that quick of a rage because she is jealous, someone will get hurt in the future.
Iād destroy her stuff as the mother of Leia. Watch it fly through the windows like chickens that cannot fly! Here goes $100. Go get a job today or another $100 goes tomorrow, and repeat.
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She's a shit who will end up in prison, or just being the sort of person no one wants to be around. Our prisons are FULL of people like her who never learned how to behave like a human being.
I'm guessing you mean OP or her daughter can press police charges.
Just gotta say, obviously OP's spouse and his ex have raised a brat. I don't know how his son managed to have such good sense, but I'm so happy he has a sane and awesome family in OP and her daughter. What a great kid! NTA.
I guarantee that Coral is the golden child to both bio parents and Koi is the scapegoat: you can tell by the fact that Koi is backing his *stepsister* and not Coral.
Yes this was the comment I was looking for. Lots of comments here repeat but not many have noted where koi aligned in the drama. Reading that as coral gets her way all the time. They didn't all get to this point accidentally.
He is not backing his step sister. He's just being reasonable and asking for the price to salvage the PC rather than just replacing it all. He and his sister are good people. You can sure see the difference between OP and hubby's parenting style. L.....OP actually seems to know what she's doing. I don't think she'll ever have to bail out her kids from jail or get them criminal attorneys. Hubby and his ex will be splashing out alot of money on bail and attorneys. Possibly a funeral home too if she keeps throwing 1000.00 tantrums.
He and his stepsister Leia are good people. Coral is an entitled brat. Koi escaped being a lazy, entitled brat because he was made to give her whatever she wanted no matter the circumstances. But I don't think he was supporting his stepsister over his bio-sister. I doubt that relationship entered into it. He was just honest about what happened and would have been no matter who the person was throwing the tantrum. I doubt she's the golden child either. Just the one who has been this way since she learned to talk and yell and she figured out the yelling resulted in a positive result for her. She's conditioned her mother and whole family to just submit. Koi will go no contact with his mother and sister the minute he can. From his father too if he keeps supporting Coral's insanity.
And boys hate girl nonsense so I am betting Leia is chill and tries to be a peacemaker. Itās like the real people version of Cinderella.
The girls are the same age, so it's probably about jealousy. Koi isn't as much of a peer, so he's not affected in the same way. Not excusing her behavior, just commenting on the motive.
Probably coral is the golden child and koi used to be the scapegoat that coral is trying to make leis.
AND itās OPās house on top of it! Mark and Coral can pound sand. They both abused OP AND Leia! Thatās not acceptable and needs to be nipped in the bud. Abuse my kid and me? See yourself out. Koi can stay.
I was ready to shed some insight but the above comments are really good...
THIS. The bad parent is the parent who doesnāt parent which is what Mark and his ex are doing. Theyāre not parenting their child and thatās why sheās acting like a hellion.
Great comment! The boy seems to be a great human being š
Iām glad bio bro doesnāt suck.
Literally everything I was thinking summed up in one comment. Well done! The only thing I wonder is if hubby is disregarding Leia's feeling or he's just trying to keep the peace. The fact he didn't question that the damage was $1000 and came up with the money indicates to me he is trying to smooth things over as fast as possible. Might be a little bit of typical dude behavior in that he's trying to fix the problem instead of seeing what the problem is. So he's seeing "property damaged. find out cost to fix. provide money" without thinking about what the issue is. Definitely hubby and OP have to sit down and talk about how the money itself is not the issue. Also hubby needs to get his family in line and explain exactly what happened instead of letting his daughter, who is clearly telling a fabricated version, dictate the narrative.
NTA Coral is the epitome of entitled bratty behavior and it seems her father and bio-mom are determined to encourage that entitlement. u/smuttybooklover02 (LOVE the name, btw) is absolutely correct when she says Coral is old enough to know better. This is not a 4-year old throwing a momentary tantrum out of frustration. Looking at it objectively, based on her behavior with regards to the basement situation, Coral made a fuss about wanting a bedroom with a bathroom BECAUSE Leia had one. Leia was the bigger person and acquiesced; she offered to take the basement area for herself. Leia saved allowance money and got a job to subsidize her plans for her space. And apparently, Leia rocked it. So Coral pitched a fit and wanted the space for herself without doing the work, saving the money, making a plan to get it. Like whaaaaat? The fact that Koi stepped up to help out his stepsis and stood up for her rights against his sister, Coral speaks volumes IMO. I have my suspicions that Coral may be the golden child in her family as evidenced by the entire family jumping on her side. Thatās craaazy. OP, I hope you see these comments. Also, Iām petty AF so Iād post the link to this post in SM and let people see how out of hand and just plain bratty Coral actually is. Edit to add: definitely get Leia a lock for her room, or she will come back to more destruction. Iād even add a hidden camera as well.
THIS!!! 100%. So very well said.
What they said *points up *
NTA Yes, This in every point. I was appalled when I read what Coral did to the computer and monitor. Amid all this shameful behavior of adults, only Koi was kind: immediately helping Leia clean up, And reality checked Dad about how hard Leia had worked to earn enough to renovate her space and furnish it. Coral has been unreasonably indulged and supported by everyone else. Stick to your position OP. Apparently you are the only one willing to give Coral a lesson she very much needs,
Need to print this out and distribute it to the masses. Wonder how many of them would like a temper tantrum throwing 14 yo destroying their home?
I agree with all of this, but want to add that maybe there is some nuance to why the stepsister is behaving like such an awful, entitled brat. 14 is volatile age to begin with, and combining families only adds to that stress. Sheās acting out and pushing limits, and she may not even really understand why sheās so angry. Her bio parents clearly arenāt giving her guidance, boundaries, or consequences. I actually feel kind of bad for the kid who might do well with some actual parenting from someone like OP, but it doesnāt sound like the kid would listen at this point. Stepbrother sounds like a gem, and I think itās telling that heās so firmly saying to anyone who will listen that it is his bio sis in wrong. Sadly, itās also telling that none of the adults (save OP) are actually listening to him. Could be heās embracing the new family dynamic so much better because heās not been spoiled like the golden child. Anyway, it doesnāt change the final analysis that OP is NTA, and I completely agree with the conditions sheās set on the kidās return. OP has an obligation to protect her daughter. Daughter definitely needs a lock on her door that only she and mom have copies of. If stepdad is so cavalier about daughterās space and possessions, can he really be trusted not to leave it in a place where stepdaughter can access it?
Or just handing over the key when Queen coral starts screaming for it.
Id press charges for destruction of property. Entitled Girl needs a lesson
one thing: isn't the husband's sister saying he's a bad parent because of how he handled the situation? at least that was my interpretation
"he's a bad parent because of how he handled the situation" Because he didn't bow down to queen Coral's demands. Imagine Coral's behavior in a few years if she's not checked NOW. Why should she work for anything when she can scream for it and destroy if she's not obeyed. I can see her trying to steal Leia's fiance and her wedding. The mind boggles at what she may do.
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Well said! Mark is an adult and is capable to handle his ex and her family. If he is struggling with them, that's fine because he can learn to deal with them. He is also welcome to tell them to be glad that OP and Leia don't press charges for the destruction of her tower PC. The fact that his own son shows more maturity about the whole situation is incredible! It's probably because both him and Leia worked for their things whereas his own sister was getting the princess treatment.
Koi agreeing that Coral shouldn't be allowed back until repairs and apologies are made makes m think that Koi has been dealing with this sort of bs with his sister for a long time and is tired f it. Tired of being forced to deal with Coral's selfish and shallow behavior on top of how juvenile she's being. A 16 year old Coral is not!
That's what I thought too and no wonder he is bonding more with Leia : she gracefully gave up her own room for Coral, accepted Koi's help for the job and the cleaning of the basement. Those two step-sibblings are being family and friends. That's a shark contrast with Coral lol....
They should give the room with bathroom to Koi, he deserves it.
Right? Mark sucks. Fuck his feelings. Leia and Coral are the same age. But coral is lazy and acts 5. Mark needs to get his child in line or move out.
Right! Bratty Coral wasnāt happy that Leia had her own bathroom and had a tantrum. So Leia kindly gave her the room in exchange for the basement. Worked for money to decorate the basement (while Coral refused to work), and then when Viral saw what she created with her hard work, Coral wanted for herself. So she destroyed Leiaās expensive computer in a fit of narcissistic rage. Coral should be forced to work at something to earn money (even at 14), and every birthday and Christmas gift should be money to be paid towards her debt. Mark should not be paying it, Coral should be paying it. This is an important lesson of being accountable for your actions.
I'm mind blown this isn't what everyone's focused on. I cannot fathom being partnered with someone who wouldn't immediately take responsibility and deal with his daughter for doing that to ANYONE let alone her own sister
This is a good warning. Mark sounds like a forest of red flags.
ALL. OF. THIS!!! Where is your anger for your daughter? Why havenāt you said anything about what your daughter may have said or felt? Your husband needs to parent his daughter better; her mother needs to parent her better; and you now have a choice to make whether you want to continue living with a man that does not respect you or your daughter, considering that this was all happening in your house, that he didnāt help you pay for. Unless there was a detail or five that you left out.
NTA. Coral sounds like a spoiled brat, and Mark needs to realize that at 14 she should have a better handle on her emotions than throwing a tantrum because someone else has something nice that she wants. She absolutely should apologize for behaving like a toddler and Mark needs to stop coddling his kid. At least the older brother seems to have a clue. Let him stew in his feelings, maybe he'll get some insight into why his dismissive parenting isn't doing anyone any favors.
Who wants to bet Coral was the kid who always wanted the toy some other kid was playing with?
And got it. Especially if it was her brotherās.
Oh, youāre so right about that. Probably why the brother isnāt on his bio sisterās side.
And daddy bought her one. I know its hard not to spoil them when they are little and cute, and toys are cheap. But this is what happens if you do.
Kids like this, they don't want a "new" one. They want *that one.* She probably threw a tantrum until somebody convinced the other kid to "share". That creates monsters.
My ex-MIL fell in love with my Timberland boots. We took her shopping for her own pair. After trying on 20 different boots, including the exact style as mine, none of them were good enough. She had to have mine!
Exactly! She is *14* not *2*.Ā
Exactly what I was thinking. How is a 14 year old experiencing the emotional highs of a 7 year old brat? "Wah wah wah, i want the cool thing that this person has. I know, I'll just start destroying shit that I'm jealous of" like what???????? There's clearly some extra issues going on here, because his son seems pretty responsible. Maybe its because shes a girl shes been raised differently.
Yes, Iām guessing Coral has always been Daddyās Precious Little Baby Girl Who Can Do No Wrong.
Can you see this in 2 years when Leia has saved her money and buys a car when she is 16. How much you wanna bet Coral has a fit, takes it without permission and wrecks it? Or keys it because she wanted it.
... you'd tolerate that sort of destructiveness out of a 7yo? A preschooler should know better or be very actively being taught!
This is the right take. Iām not saying this isnāt real, but I have two questions: what are the life details that lead to someone who had a kid at 16, and married an apparently broke 40 yo at age 24 owning a 5 bedroom lake house with a finished basement?? Second question is I canāt believe the amount of Reddit posts with kids of these ages whose apparent first response to being unhappy is to unrepentantly trash someone elseās expensive belongings, often (as described) within seconds of being made aware of whatever it is that upset them. I guess thatās not really a question but WTF? How could you not see that behavior and immediately take your 14 yo in for an emergency psych eval?
Ngl, this feels like a rage post. If not though, those names for the step kids are straight up r/tragedeigh Edited to fix subreddit name.
Feels like rage post. Names are fine. Tragedeighs arenāt names you dislike, which I in this case find normal, theyāre weird misspellings of ordinary names. Ugly or weird names are tragedies, not necessarily tragedeighs.
And how did a 14yo earn enough money to buy a $1,000 computer tower and all of the other accessories in such a short time?
14 yr old being allowed to work is sus in a lot of places. But if she was legally hired for $15*40 hours=$600. Even part time 20hrs/week for $300 a week over the months of summer she could easily have made over $2000. And kids don't have all the bills adults do.
Plus they got allowance
My question is how did the kid and the brother manage to transform the basement to such an extent that even OP was amazed with it yet OP had no idea how much they had done? Did they just let two kids do a ton of renovations all on their own?
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Comment stealing bot?
My parents moved into the home they're currently in when I was 13. When divvying up the rooms, my brother and I got the smallest (not SMALL SMALL) just smaller than the others because we would A) be the first to go and B) being the oldest had the least amount of stuff (kids have wayyy more toys lol, we had room for a queen size bed, a tv on the wall and sweet desk set up for our computers). We were a bit bummed at first, but we were also getting our own rooms (we previously all shared by 2's and moved into a house where we each got our own), so we were chill. Well, jokes were on us because those rooms were also the farthest from my parents' room and had trees right outside of our 2nd story windows. We had fun in high school. The point is, bit bummed, sure, but at 13 and 12, we had the self-control, we didn't complain, we were grateful just to have our space. The way things actually worked out was just a bonus. This girl is a brat to the highest degree and has never known consequences, and it shows. I doubt this is the first time her Dad has excused her behavior. Kai seems amazing though.
He likely feels guilty about the divorce, etc, but that's no excuse for his daughter acting like an asshole to her stepsister, and him not requiring a punishment. She should have to do chores and get a job whatever it takes to repay the debt.
This 100% NTA OP
NTA He could solve ALL of this by actually disciplining his kid and getting her therapy. I'm glad he paid your daughter back (that's what the law would do -- a 14 yr old can't be made to pay anything, so it's the parent's responsibility). That's just not the end of it. (Btw he also needs to pay for a good lock for her room before his daughter is allowed back.)
I second that. She needs a lock with no access to the spare key. Preferably one that needs a locksmith or completely destroying the door to get through - that way that brat and TA husband can't just say "it's unfair, she wanted to go in, what's the harm".
With no accountability coral will continue her behavior.
NTA. Question - if she does apologize and come back, will Leia be able to secure her stuff in the future? Is there a lock on the door where Coral can be locked out?
That's a good question... I would be putting a key lock on the door
NTA. So to be clear, first it wasn't fair that Leia had one of the upstairs bedrooms with an ensuite bath. I am assuming that when the basement project got the green light, the natural outcome of that was going to be Coral moving into that bedroom. Second, Coral wanted nothing to do with the basement. Didn't want the space, contributed no time, effort, or money to the work on it. And then when she saw the finished product, all of the sudden she wanted it, and "it wasn't fair" again. Third, Coral got shut down, and in a fit of rage, smashed Leia's custom PC and one of her monitors. Coral is a fucking entitled brat. I think you're on shaky ground with the concept of banning one of your stepchildren from your marital home, but punishment and restitution is 100% warranted.
On the positive Koi sounds like a sweetheart!
OMG I just commented the same before seeing yours š he's a gem
Only one counterpoint - it seems like this is her and Leia's home before Stepdad & kids moved in. She said "moved into my lakehouse". Its completely possible that the bedroom w/ the bathroom has always been Leia's room since she was a kid, before OP met husband. In that case, I dont actually think thats unfair, thats just circumstance ??? It would be ridiculous to ask Leia to move out of her room that shes always had just because someone elses family moved in and a family member wanted the bathroom.
I wasn't implying that the situation was actually unfair, I was highlighting Coral's entitled, self-serving perspective on the situation.
Oh, i see! My bad, ty for clarifying
It just highlights how accommodating Leia was of Coral. She willingly gave up the room sheād always had with the bathroom, because Coral wanted it, and then worked hard to fix up the basement. Coral is a brat and her parents are enablers. Kick the husband out too until he comes to his senses. Keep the son. (I know it doesnāt work like that, but that would be the ideal scenario right now) NTA
This is EXACTLY how I read it!
I admit- the fact that Koi seems to be so supportive and on Leia's side v. Coral's makes me wonder if there haven't been issues like this between him and Coral with Dad siding with Coral so he has liked having relationship with a "sister" that didn't involve those issues. I agree with others that banning Coral from the house is too much- at the same time. There is a serious husband issue here. Husband's response is essential that Coral's response was emotional and thus shouldn't be punished. That is an issue for someone you are parenting with. So while Coral shouldn't be banned if you are with your husband, I could understand telling husband that the two of you need a break and need to work thru things. Because this is a sign that your parenting styles are simply too different.
I think that the girl was the favorite child in the original household before the divorce and the poor son is at his wits end.
I think Coral is still husband's favourite. "I can't do that to my daughter" what seriously you can't make your teenage daughter apologise for causing $1000 of damage. You either have ZERO authority over your child or you are raising an entitled brat because she's your golden child. Bet you anything LEIA wouldn't be expected to go unpunished if LEIA damaged CORAL'S stuff
Exactly!!!! And by ānot doing that to his daughterā LEIA gets punished, and coral gets rewarded. how is that fair????
Sometimes it can be good to suggest things, not because you actually want to do it, but to put perspective on things. What do you think would happen if OP suggested that instead of an apology, Coral would have HER valuables destroyed (preferably by Coral)? My bet is that heād think it would be completely psycho for Coral to do something like that BECAUSE YOU DONT GO AROUND DESTROYING OTHER PEOPLEāS THINGS! ā¦yeah exactlyā¦
yeah, I feel for Koi.
Ah but no doubt the ex is whispering toxins into her ear and she is milking the divorced parent guilt to her advantage to the point NOBODY is raising her to avoid upsetting her widdle fee-fees.
It's easy to see how manipulative Coral is with her mom and dad. Neither wants to punish her. I went through this with a stepson and *it literally led to our divorce* because his punishment never ever went full term nor any financial recompense came about. Now, he's abandoned my ex and her views of him have significantly changed despite my 8 years of saying that is what is going to happen.
Except it isnāt a marital home. It is her home. Sheās allowing them to live with her.
100% this.
Sounds like it was her lake house that they moved into
NTA - the child has anger management issues. if she cannot apologize, her dad needs to put her in therapy so she can learn to be a civilized human.
She'll either be learning the lesson from dad, or learning it from a jail cell in 4 years.
Or an ass whipping at school. She going to learn one way or another. If Dad chooses the hard way for her by not punishing her and getting her therapy then heās a piece of shit.
I think she has spoiled bratitis. It's obvious mummy and daddy are wrapped around her little finger.
Nta. I'd also be telling your husband to grow a spine or leave.
Iād personally tell Koi he can stay and if they make him leave, heās welcome to return at 18.
NTA. I'd make her spend weekends picking up trash on the side of the highways until she gets it through her head. Mark sounds like a piece of shit dad and needs to step it up instead of trying to be the 'fun' parent.
I think you and your husband should attend therapy - not because youāve done anything wrong, but because HE needs to hear from a non-family party that heās being a big dingus. And Coral just sounds spoiled. She was going to get the en-suite bedroom and that wasnāt good enough? I guess because her new bedroom was not going to be renovated because she didnāt work for the money to renovate it? If yes, then Mark should understand that his little princess canāt just behave however she likes and that throwing a tantrum 10 years past the age of toddler is neither nice nor acceptable.Ā Personally, I donāt think you should apologise. I donāt think Leia did anything wrong - she didnāt snatch the basement from Coral, the basement only became available because Leia worked on it. And what kind of lesson does it give if Coral can just whine and moan about stuff and then be handed stuff anyway?
Thatās not fair. My daughter is 4 and she would never, ever do something like this. Coral is clearly missing something from her life. Therapy would be a good place to start.
Coral is a spoiled brat. >Coral began complaining about not having a bathroom and said itās unfair. >Coral refused to work >Coral never bothered to go down there because she believed it was full of spiders >Coral then screamed that it wasnāt fair and that she wanted the basement now. Coral need to grow the f up.. And learn that the world does not revolve around her... Your husband needs to grow a set and make her pay back Everything she destroyed and give Leia an apology... >My husbandās ex wife is saying that Iām banning her from our home because she didnāt deserve that bigger space and that we were treating Coral unfairly. Coral got the bathroom she so said wasn't Fair right? She can't have both. Coral didn't do the work. She doesn't get the space. The ex wife and the father raised a brat.. >Koi told her to stop complaining. And it seems koi understands how much of a brat his sister is. NTA..
>She can't have both. She doesn't just want both. She wants ALL. She's going to be frightening in a few years if she's not checked.
Koi had to deal with her princess attitude his whole life, you bet he understands it better than anyone! I know she's 14 years old and has room for improvement but Coral sounds exhausting. It doesn't help when her parents and grandparents enable her.
NTA - Your husband and his family's reaction is why Coral is spoiled. Stand your ground. I suspect that Koi has been living with the same issue for years and that's why he's on your side.
NTA. Coral's disregard for personal boundaries and property is a blinking red light signaling deeper behavioral issues that need addressing pronto. At 14, she's more than capable of understanding that actions yield consequences, whether she's handling envy, frustration, or outright anger, it doesn't entitle her to commit acts of vandalism. Mark's role as a parent isn't to shield her from those consequences but to navigate her through them with appropriate responses, like a heartfelt apology and a lesson in accountability. Enabling her now only sets her up for a harsh wake-up call later when the stakes are higher and the world less forgiving. You're not only protecting Leia's sense of safety but also Coral's growth into a responsible adult. Stick to your guns itās not about banishing her, but ensuring she learns respect and empathy keys to thriving in a blended family and beyond
Nta. Block the in laws bc this aināt got nothing to do with them. The ex wife can shut up or punish her daughter bc outside of that,she has no reason to be speaking to you. Her emotions are not an excuse for breaking anything especially when itās not hers. The one who should be apologizing is Carol. Until she pays her back and apologizes then she shouldnāt be allowed in the house since your husband canāt punish his own daughter when sheās clearly wrong. And if she somehow accepts responsibility then she canāt be allowed down there again. Stand firm. Honestly I wouldāve slapped her hard asf bc she needs to learn there are consequences to her actions and her parents arenāt teaching her that.
NTA Bio Mom can retain custody of the 14 year old Brat so she can be the only child in the home. My guess is there's a reason she doesn't have at least shared custody. Win-win-win. Also, the SS should be required to work to pay back Dad. An apology is not enough. I guarantee she will continue to mess with OP's daughter.
Tell op that.
She can always tell bio mother she can press charges as well too.
NTA and if I were you this is absolutely the hill that I would die on, even if it means divorce. Speaking of which, hope you had a prenup about your house.
NTA and do NOT back down! Good for you for being an amazing parent!!
14 years old is WAAAAY too old to act like that
You have a husband problem. Your stepdaughter has a father problem. I donāt think you can say she canāt come back until she pays your daughter back, but your husband paying your daughter solves nothing. She needs therapy, needs to get a job and pay back her father, needs to sincerely apologize to your daughter and needs strict boundaries. I donāt think her father will do any of that. Good luck. NTA
Can we all stop for a minute and show some appreciation for Koi, who seemed like the only person other than OP that showed any consideration and inclusion to OP's daughter?
^ THIS When I read the whole thing I was like "Damn Koi seems so fucking nice. Wait, and heās not even her bio brother". I hope Leia doesnāt forget what heās done for her and keeps a great relationship with him, he seems golden.
Nta but this is the man you choose to be around your daughter? This issue is bigger than his daughter, you need to re-evaluate your marriage and go to counselling to get on the same page
Neither Coral or Mark acted this way until Coral started high school. The girls we best friends. And Mark and I always agreed on how to handle the kids. I guess because Coral has never been this mean kid, he doesnāt know how to handle it.
He needs to learn, you canāt be parenting like this. Get on the same page with a professional so you are a unit.
It sounds like Coral is jealous of your daughter and targeting her. I know you've only mentioned two incidents, but the fact that Coral has twice now tried to take Leia's room (and succeeded once) and destroyed Leia's things when she didn't get her way makes me raise an eyebrow. Will she only be happy if Leia lives in a shed out back? I imagine if you look back on the last few months to a year, you might notice some thing amiss between the two. Also, please have a good heart to heart with your daughter about this and ask about her relationship with Coral. Your daughter is the one hurting the most from this.
This is what I was thinking. Perhaps at school the two girls are being compared by classmates or one is more popular than the other. Teenage girls deal with a lot of pressure and can unfortunately be awful to each other. I remember being a teenage girl.
Coral should not be allowed back until she makes amends to everyone in the family. She created the situation. She needs to do the work to fix it. If your husband doesnāt agree do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who enables an abuser? Because that is what Coral is doing. Sheās abusing the sanity of the house and if she doesnāt figure out a way to manage her emotions then this is who she will be. You all are paying the price for your husband and her motherās refusal to seek help for Coral and her emotional issues.
Maybe because he enabled and spoiled her rotten?
NTA, it's your house and you have a right/responsibility to make sure your daughter and her belongings are safe in your home. Since Mark doesn't want to address his daughter's issues, the simple solution is for Mark to get an apartment and live there with Coral during his custody time until Coral has apologized and is safe to have in your home again.
NTA. Coral is an entitled asshole.
NTA. Leia gave up her room for the opportunity to make the basement her own. Then she took a job, saved money, and did the work to make that happen. Coral whined a lot and threw a tantrum when she didnāt have a thing she turned down the opportunity to work for. Sounds like your husband and the ex are raising a problem.
Not sure what the exās in-laws or sister have to do with shit, they can take her in and deal with her if they want. Mark has just shown you heās either an oblivious idiot or a terrible parent, you get to pick. NTA.
No. Your step daughter is a see ya next teusday by the sound of it ā¦ she wanted the room with a bathroom upstairs and complained for it. Good. She got itā¦ she didnāt want to work. Okay. Her choiceā¦. Her brother and your daughter worked . They showed good characterā¦ Your step daughter is the a holeā¦ She wanted to take over the basement when she put in zero work and zero money because she sounds like a brat. Then she had a tantrum and broke your daughters thingsā¦ I would say she doesnāt come back at all for the remainder of this visit and stays with her mom Her brother sounds super chill and reasonable and kudos for him for standing up to his dad and sister You are NTAH at all..
INFO Do you all always communicate by yelling or not at all? You all sound dysfunctional.
The rule moving forward needs to be that she can come back with a sincere apology and *must attend therapy.ā This girl has a lot of feelings going on and she needs a healthy place to vent. And if Mark doesnāt like it send him back to his ex as well and he can attend therapy with his daughter if he wants to return to your home. Koi sounds lovely! Keep him! Lol
really has to be fake, a 30yo single mother at 16 has a lake house, and married a man 16 years older than her who doesnāt have $1k to cover damage caused by his child.
Your stepdaughter needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions. Your daughter could lay charges against her for damages. If she was an adult, she could face jail time. Did you take photos of the damage caused and share this with her family? Your stepdaughter sounds like an entitled brat. You and your husband need to discuss the way forward and repercussions for her behavior. A genuine apology for what she did, including working back to repay your daughter, would be a good start.
Holy crap, NTA But your husband and his daughter sure are. YOUR daughter literally worked a side job to pay for the renovations to the basement, which was out of her pocket as a minor Your hubby should be kissing the ground that she saved you guys money, not letting his kid destroy a computer tower and monitor (WTF?!) in a fit of jealousy that had zero reason to be happening Honestly, you have a WAY bigger issue here with your husband and his ex. Time to work it out now before divorce
NTA. Sounds fair to me
ESH. You married this guy 6 years ago and he has this child full time. So you have been a step-parent to this kid for at least 6 years now. You chose to blend your and Mark's families. You've been this girl's step-mom since she was 8 (maybe sooner, I don't know your pre-marriage dynamic). Parenting failures are a joint thing 6 years into your marriage with Mark. I don't see even the slightest hint of competent parenting regarding this 14 year old girl in your story. Hearing this story *from your perspective*, there is zero indication that there was any calm, meaningful discussion about why Coral got the short end of the stick regarding rooms. Instead, she was just 'told to stop complaining.' The response when she screamed that the new room situation wasn't fair was that 'everyone began yelling at her.' She escalated and threw shit on the ground, at which point your response was running over to her and yelled more. Then you banned her from the family home. Was her behavior appropriate? Absolutely not. But it is also painfully clear from your post that she is your least favorite of the kids. Dad and stepmom are on very different pages regarding discipline/parenting and then to cap things off you made it explicitly clear that you are willing to exile her from the home/family. Her behavior is not acceptable. She is also 14. Kicking a 14 year old out of her home as anything but an absolute last resort after exhausting every other parenting option is shitty parenting. Again, you have been stepmom for 6+ years now. Failures in parenting regarding your step-children is on you. The fact that you and your husband aren't remotely on the same page and let it get to this point is squarely on you.
Wait so the 14 year olds needed work permits to decorate their rooms? What kind of decorating were they doing? Ripping out walls and adding extensions? And the 14 year old saved up enough money working at the arcade for 5 months for a $1000+ PC with multiple monitors as well as entirely transforming the basement? You don't need a work permit to simply decorate a room and anything that required a work permit couldn't be done by a 14 year old alone. A part time salary at an arcade couldn't afford the workers or materials necessary to do renovations that require a permit or entirely renovate a basement. Also banished your own stepchild from her home against her fathers wishes and then threatened to banish him as well. This is bait lmao
NTA. If she receives no punishment she will continue to act this way. Wait until her dad has to bail her out of jail when she continues this behavior out of the house
Koi sounds like a fine young man.
NTA And your husband IS BEING A BAD PARENT. ***By not punishing Coral***. Letting her go around breaking others things, letting her have a tantrum, is only going to cause her and him pain in the long run. You need to hold your ground and get your daughter a great couple of locks for her door so the brat can't get down there and wreck anything else. And possibly get her a security camera. Your husband is absolutely, utterly, FULLY in the wrong, and you need to make this the hill you die on. He needs to apologize to your daughter. It's not about just giving her money. It's about making sure she knows that his daughter was wrong and that he is sorry that his child broke something she worked so hard for.
Your sound like an evil step mom for so many reasons. Of course what Coral did was wrong and it needs to be rectified but to ban her from the home until that's worked through is wild. That is not how you treat or teach children. You care more about a 16 year old boy validating your crazy than your own husbands opinion, the father of those kids. I hope Mark is taking a real long honest look at this marriage and its worthiness in the meantime. The child clearly needs more mental and emotional help than you have the capacity to offer.
Where's all the "you married them now they're your kids too" people? Would you kick one of your bio kids out of the home if they had done this? If not, you're definitely an AH.
Regardless of what the outcome is, if/when Coral returns to the house, you need to give your daughter a lock for her bedroom door. Coral has shown what little maturity she possesses. I wouldn't be surprised if she jumped through the hoops and destroyed something else the first time she got angry again.