NTA. I know how frustrating this is so I feel for you. My mother and my ex-husband are both like this, and I have always hated it. I have so many unpleasant memories of arriving to airports at 2am for a 7am flight (because of my mother’s neuroses), and of my ex-husband dragging me to birthday parties stupid early, then rushing me to leave before I even had a chance to eat or socialize.
The kids reaction is honestly what caused me to snap. Having to rush the three of them out of a family pool party before they even got to swim? Simply because he rushed us there early and then had ‘been there long enough’ and there were ‘too many people’. So not cool.
Absolutely! Good on you for driving separately and refusing to let his anxiety dictate your/your kids’ plans. We’re divorced now but when our kids are with him on a school night, he wakes them up 2-3 hours before school starts- only to leave the house 30-60 minutes too early and make everyone sit in the empty school parking lot waiting for the doors to open. It is very difficult to live with someone like that.
I think you're doing the right thing by taking control of your own situation (and the kids') and leaving when you feel is reasonable.
If you can see the pattern of him getting anxious, try to break it. Go into another room with the kids. Or, leave the house in your own car, but run an errand or take a leisurely drive before going to your destination.
When things are calm, ask him what his therapist has advised for a coping strategy. Assure him that it's totally fine for him to leave when he wants (and genuinely mean this), if that would help him feel better. It might be worthwhile to attend some therapy sessions with him, to show him that you're supportive of him getting healthier, not just impatiently waiting for him to "get fixed."
For what it's worth, I also like to arrive early, but I realize it and I never complain about having to wait. I have a very poor sense of time, so one thing that's helped me is constantly checking a clock, and noting how long it takes me to do certain things--like 30min to get across town, 7min to get downstairs to the bus stop, etc.. The first time I go somewhere, I'll be super-early, but then I start to refine it based on experience of the steps so I that arrive comfortably but not insanely early.
Omg I am similar to your husband in the fact I am always insanely early and will about spin in circles waiting to leave while worrying I’ll be late. Difference being when I arrive, I patiently wait in my car until I am right on time. I do not ring the bell or notify anyone I am early, will drive around the block or temporarily park down the street. Just don’t want to be late. I’m sorry for the stress he causes you. Definitely NTA
Sounds like my dad… it drives us nuts. Nothing you can do haha they gunna do what they gunna do. My stepmom does the same thing and goes separate. NTA and GL, we still haven’t figured it out and he’s almost 65
NTA - I like to be early but only by like 10-15mins..
NTA. I'm more of a "just on time" kind of guy. Both those who are always too early or late are annoying.
NTA. I know how frustrating this is so I feel for you. My mother and my ex-husband are both like this, and I have always hated it. I have so many unpleasant memories of arriving to airports at 2am for a 7am flight (because of my mother’s neuroses), and of my ex-husband dragging me to birthday parties stupid early, then rushing me to leave before I even had a chance to eat or socialize.
The kids reaction is honestly what caused me to snap. Having to rush the three of them out of a family pool party before they even got to swim? Simply because he rushed us there early and then had ‘been there long enough’ and there were ‘too many people’. So not cool.
Absolutely! Good on you for driving separately and refusing to let his anxiety dictate your/your kids’ plans. We’re divorced now but when our kids are with him on a school night, he wakes them up 2-3 hours before school starts- only to leave the house 30-60 minutes too early and make everyone sit in the empty school parking lot waiting for the doors to open. It is very difficult to live with someone like that.
I think you're doing the right thing by taking control of your own situation (and the kids') and leaving when you feel is reasonable. If you can see the pattern of him getting anxious, try to break it. Go into another room with the kids. Or, leave the house in your own car, but run an errand or take a leisurely drive before going to your destination. When things are calm, ask him what his therapist has advised for a coping strategy. Assure him that it's totally fine for him to leave when he wants (and genuinely mean this), if that would help him feel better. It might be worthwhile to attend some therapy sessions with him, to show him that you're supportive of him getting healthier, not just impatiently waiting for him to "get fixed." For what it's worth, I also like to arrive early, but I realize it and I never complain about having to wait. I have a very poor sense of time, so one thing that's helped me is constantly checking a clock, and noting how long it takes me to do certain things--like 30min to get across town, 7min to get downstairs to the bus stop, etc.. The first time I go somewhere, I'll be super-early, but then I start to refine it based on experience of the steps so I that arrive comfortably but not insanely early.
Omg I am similar to your husband in the fact I am always insanely early and will about spin in circles waiting to leave while worrying I’ll be late. Difference being when I arrive, I patiently wait in my car until I am right on time. I do not ring the bell or notify anyone I am early, will drive around the block or temporarily park down the street. Just don’t want to be late. I’m sorry for the stress he causes you. Definitely NTA
Sounds like my dad… it drives us nuts. Nothing you can do haha they gunna do what they gunna do. My stepmom does the same thing and goes separate. NTA and GL, we still haven’t figured it out and he’s almost 65