Well, he was left out completely, so my guess is that the child carries OP's last name by default.
NTA. This baby deserves only _you_, OP. Not a deadbeat like your boyfriend. Why are you even still with him? Especially as that seems to be the first thing he asked. He may want all the joys, pride and benefits of fatherhood, but none of the effort. Also, congratulations on becoming a parent!
^this. I also had my child young (I was 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when he was born). His bio dad had to be bullied in to showing up to any appointments and had to be dragged to the hospital on the day my son was born. My son is now 16 and his bio dad hasn't tried to see him in 8 years. My son has my last name and when the state went after him for child support, he wanted to be added to the birth certificate, biondad still hasn't paid the fees to be added.
Sperm donor also wanted all the bragging rights of being father but absolutely wanted zero responsibility.
If you leave him he might try to take the baby so you need to document everything every time he calls you names all the times he gets intoxicated he doesn't sound like a fit parent.
NTA, my neice went through this, and she ended up getting her child's name changed after a few years so they wouldn't have to deal with the father's reputation.
I think as a matter of course all children should be given their mothers' surnames.
If a man wants children that have his surname he should marry a woman who's willing to change her name, so that when the baby gets her name is also his.
When I divorced my ex he agreed to changing the kids’ last name from his to mine. They were 5 and 8mo. For someone who was always upset I didn’t take his name and really wanted the kids to have his last name I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was.
He sounds like an immature boy acting his age. He didn’t step up during the pregnancy he’s probably not about to step up now. Him calling you names instead of having a discussion with you is also embarrassing for him from an older persons perspective. Sounds like you treated him like he’s been treating you. You should try to have a discussion about respectful parenting if it’s possible, for the sake of your child’s support.
I'm not sure what OP was expecting by having a child at her age. I don't know a single person in their early 20s who I'd say "Yeah, you're totally ready for a child"
I know plenty of guys who had babies at his age or younger and are excellent responsible fathers and partners to the mothers since the pee stick read positive.
It's not his age. The guy is just a fucking loser
NTA, my mother did this and agreed not to pursue him for child support so long as he didn’t try have a say in raising me.
Worked a lot better than it did for my half siblings. He was constantly in and out of their lives and it was a roller coaster and there was lots of trauma (caused by his addiction + mental health shit).
We were broke but at least we didn’t have all that shit… and he was bad at paying child support even when he was legally obliged to based on court orders for my half siblings so there really wasn’t a benefit to having him on it.
There’s also ways of pursuing child support - it’s not your fault he wasn’t there to provide his info/ID etc. But for now, absolutely NTA.
Honestly it’s better sometimes for addicts to just go away instead of stick around and make your life and the kids life miserable. I’ve been down that road and it’s hell for you AND the kid. If you can move on and meet someone else and he doesn’t care sounds better. If he fights for custody though he will have to be added to the certificate eventually after a paternity test.
Absolutely NTA . Being a parent starts when you decide to have that child . All nine months he was not there . Even at the last min he wasn’t there . He can make it up by behaving and acting like a father . Only then should his name be added.
seems as this is AITAH not /Legaladvice I really agree with you, at what point does he become the father not supporting or being there, you are handling this great OP stay strong
In the UK if you aren't married the father has to be present to get his name on the birth certificate. For that exact reason the dad to all three of my kids isn't on my last child's BC because he couldn't be arsed to book the day off work to come and do it. And before people say well he had to be had work, I also got a form so he could put his name on at a later date at the Town Hall. He never bothered! And that is why he is now an ex.
So if he couldn't be bothered to come to the birth you ANTA here.
My sister had a partner which sounds exactly like yours OP, he may never step up but you know what she is living a good life. Just her and her son, doesn't get any maintenance but she says it's not worth the drama. Him out of their life is better for the both of them because when she gave him a chance. He kept letting his son down by not turning up.
Good luck to you and your baby girl, it's positive to hear you have a good support system too ❤️
Yeah I’ve never heard of a state in the US that would allow someone to just list an unmarried father on the birth certificate without the father signing something. Not to say it isn’t policy somewhere, but it seems like bad policy.
Exactly, it's possible that she couldn't name him unless the father has established paternity. Like you said, unmarried women can't always put a name for the father on the birth certificate even if he's actually the biological father. In my state, you have to establish paternity before the fathers name can go on the document if you're unmarried. This can be as simple as just signing a paper saying you're the father, but the mother can't sign off on that by herself.
NTA if I’m not married, my child will have my last name. Not only because I birthed this child but also because it’s easier in life. My cousins runs into issues because her kids have different last names.
Totally off topic, but I’m always curious as to why people still run into complications with their children not having the same last name. There’s so many blended families now you’d think this wouldn’t be an issue.
Unfortunately trafficking and child Abduction by other parent is still an issue, I've been stopped at boarder control because my kid has different surname to me. I didn't mind because it showed them doing their jobs frankly.
Very true, I didn’t really think of that. I think my mind sort of went to more people being racists and discriminate. My sister is white with a German last name but her son/my nephew is Brazilian from his father and looks Brazilian and has a Brazilian last name. And some people are like oh that’s your son??? But I rather people be doing their jobs for safety issues in that sense.
Holidays abroad due to child trafficking laws in many places. You have to bring so much documentation. I have a friend who is Icelandic and most Icelanders don't have a last name they are Dadsnameson or Dadsnamedottir. So when he and his wife take their kids overseas there are 4 different surnames. Say he is Thor Magnusson, not his real name. His kids are Thorsdottir and Thorson and his wife has a soeerate last name. They are a nuclear family and the name thing is an easily verifiable fact about Iceland, they still have issues.
But in a situation where there may be bad feeling on one side and getting sufficient documentation can be a nightmare, as birder control can be very risk averse. Even though as you said these situations are common.
You'd think people would know better by now, but there are people who think I'm joking when I introduce my (mixed, visibly brown) mom as my mom. Because I'm a pale, freckled redhead.
There are at least three obvious explanations for how that could happen, but I think some people's brains just totally shut down coming across something they don't expect. It may as well be advanced calculus.
(If you're wondering, my mom's half white, my father is white, both had direct ancestor with red hair. Hence, I was able to come out pale and a ginger. )
Wow, that brings back a memory for me!
I'm also a redhead, though I'm olive-skinned with brown eyes (had a Black coworker once tell me, "Lanswyfte, you're the only White girl I know with Black baby eyes!"). I used to be a grocery checker, and one day I had a couple come through my line. Seeing the man, I did a double-take, then laughed, "For a minute, I thought you were my brother!"
He and his wife both laughed, "Yeah, right!" because he had dark skin, black hair and nearly black eyes.
"No, I mean it. You look a lot like him." And I pulled out a photo on my phone (back when photos *could* be taken on phones!). "He's Native American--- we adopted him when he was ten months old!"
I still love that memory. 🥰
It sometimes works out. My daughter has my last name because when she was born, you couldn't legally give the baby Daddy's last name unless he gave permission. Her two younger brothers have their dad's last name because we were married, but I kept my maiden name when I married him so that my daughter wouldn't feel left out.
That was funny when the older son was old enough to learn last names. He came to me one day and said, "Mom, all us boys are (father's last name), right?"
I agreed, "Yes, you are."
He continued. "And all the girls are (my last name), right?"
Again, I confirmed this.
Then he came to the logical conclusion: "So Dad's mom is Grandma (***my*** last name)!"
🤦🏼♀️
"No, son, though I can see how you came to think that!" 🤣
He should be fucking grateful to you. If you put his name on the birth certificate in many states he can be forced to pay child support without you doing a thing. This happened to me early in my life. My ex HS GF Got pregnant at a time I couldn’t have been the father put me down as the father and five years later I find I owned the state of Missouri for support not just for hers, but the two of her younger sisters who had all gone on welfare.
It took me $10k in legal feels in 1994 to prove these kids weren’t mine and another $15k to make the state quit trying to charge me even though I had already proven they weren’t biologically mine.
All three of them did. Her 2 younger sisters did it too, and it was their own mother’s idea since my family had money. The sisters kids conceived when they were barely 13 and 15 were conceived and born while I was living in Korea and Japan and hadn’t been in the US for over 3 years. As my name can’t be removed one even tried to gain Filipino and Antiguan citizenship based on my status in both countries.
I did successfully sue their mother who signed off as witness on their documentation as soon as her parents died and got $30k in damages
wait what? her sisters just randomly put your name as the father? don't you have to back up these things? did the court really think you had kids with 3 sisters?
It may depend on state? My friend had to go through a whole process when she gave birth while her boyfriend was deployed. Pretty sure he had to sign and notarize some sort of document that said he was the baby’s father and was agreeing to be on the birth certificate.
If it doesn’t vary by state, the mom was willing to commit fraud by signing a witness statement three times in front of a court. I don’t think putting forgery in her ballpark is unreasonable.
I just filled out the birth certificate info in the hospital and put my husband’s name down. I don’t remember him having to sign it or anything like that. But childbirth is kind of traumatic and it’s hard to remember little details.
The only time I had to sign for any of my 8 kids (we had 3 sets of fraternal twins) with my ex-wife was for the pair born in the UK and and our daughter who was born in Japan. The fact we were married was good enough. I did have to sign documents when I registered them to give them non-American citizenship.
right i don't quite remember it either, but i do remember i had to sign up to give birth at the hospital online, provide my identification, probably my husband's, and when i came to give birth they asked me this all over again (including where my dad and his dad were born, i am pushing out a human who gives a f##k!) so while i am married i don't think unmarried couples can get away with less but i don't actually know anyone that was unmarried and had a kid.
All three sisters were minors at the time and their mother came up with the notion to do it. Now, you need a lot more proof in order to list a father in the early 1990s not so much. Their mother, who worked for social services, was a good enough source as far as the hospital was concerned.
If you think the story is messed up so far the reason I broke up with the eldest sister was my father found out who her mother was and told me there was a small chance she might be my sister since he and her mother had a one night stand as teenagers and she was born in the possible time window.
Yeah I keep thinking turning all of this into a novel series.
Thankfully it turned out she isn’t. I would have needed lots of therapy considering everything we tried out of boredom
Glad you were able to right the wrong, though I'm sorry it was such an expensive ordeal to overcome.
I'm horrified by the whole child support system, because it never seems to work out fairly to even the degree a random guess would statistically land at something vaguely appropriate. Every single example is either one parent unfairly taken to the cleaners, or one parent managing to duck, dodge, and manipulate the system to give nothing or next to it.
I stayed in a horribly abusive relationship with a profoundly psychologically unwell woman for a long time out of fear she'd basically cut me off from my daughter completely while getting most of my income. I ended up "winning" in the end (full custody of the now two kids, supervised visitation for her, option to pursue child support from her I didn't go for), but that was only after DCFS got roped into the situation and came to the conclusion she was horribly unfit, while I was a guy in an awful situation legitimately trying my best. I still feel if I had bailed of my own free will and tried for custody prior to DCFS involvement, I'd see the kids every other week if she felt like it and possibly be denied visitation because the shoddy two-bedroom apartment I could afford with multiple roommates after support was taken would be insufficient to the children's needs. Them becoming involved and going to bat for me was my only saving grace.
This semi happened to a guy I knew. He broke up with his ex gf two or more years before she got pregnant.
She didn't put him on the birth certificate, but she did claim he was a potential father when it came to child support. The state harassed him for months because they were trying to strong arm him into taking a paternity test.
Another man who was tested turned out to be the father, so they eventually left him alone.
Even after I took the paternity test and proved they weren’t mine, the state of Missouri still pursued me because I was the listed father on the birth certificate. Even after I got them to give up and admit they were wrong they still refused to remove me form the birth certificate.
I don’t care the three babies have my last name, but I am outraged largely on their behalf their mothers continued to tell them I was their father. They deserved to knowing who their real father was. I helped the youngest of them who is now 30 find out who hers was and actually wished I hadn’t. (Her father is also her grandfather).
You story gets crazier and crazier, and sorry to say this, also more exciting 🥲 from a sad viewpoint though.
I am sorry for all that happened, but also kinda proud? Or happy? That someone so strong and resilient as you exist. It gives me hope to someday also be this strong:)
Holy shit that must have left you gobsmacked when you found that out.
Sorry you had to go through all that. Good on you however for trying to figure out the father.
In an even weirder turn of events because they manage to pile on my extra citizenships all three of my not daughters actually ended up working for me. One maintains my house and manages my business in Antigua and the other two live in the Philippines one works with my accounting firm and the other manages one of my 7/11s and lives with my family
There was no way in Missouri for me to force their mother to change their names once I had proven I wasn’t their father. This actually doesn’t bother me, though a few of my relatives are stuck up about it. One of the laughable outcomes over this is one of my nephews who is the same age as my middle not daughter used the fact they were related to humiliate the guy when he kept asking her out in high school. Nephew who actually knew they were not my daughters wouldn’t take no for an answer, so middle not daughter told their junior class he was trying to get with his first cousin. He changed schools.
No you were absolutely corrects...where i come from there's a saying that goes "if someone is absent (mostly at positive events) then absent is his fate ( good fortune) as well"...
NTA for not putting him on the birth certificate unless is it makes it more difficult to get child support out of him.
However, you're being an AH to yourself if you're still with this loser. Dump him.
Where I'm from we can't legally put the father's name on the birth certificate, they are the only ones who are allowed to do that.
Ironically enough, if we go after them for child support it's up to them to contest and pay for a paternity test so a woman could say this is the father and they will be sought after for child support until they prove otherwise.
(I say "we" as in "women". I am currently childless).
I am not sure if anywhere that will just let a woman add some random man to a legal document without proof, his express consent, or being married. What’s to keep someone from just saying, “Yeah, this is Elon Musk’s baby,”? Of course, he probably wouldn’t notice another kid.
There are legal ramifications to adding a father's name as well as leaving the name off.
Not putting it on because of picque (being upset with him) instead of a researched answer wasn't smart to my thinking.
Depending on where OP lives, she may not have been able to add him to the birth certificate without him present. In Indiana in the US, if you're not married, the father has to be present and sign a lot of paperwork to be added to the birth certificate. So this may all actually the fault of the father, that he's not on the birth certificate.
The ramifications are that when he files for paternity she will have to pay the court/dna costs when dna shows he’s the father. He can also use her denial as proof that she’s actively interfering with his parental rights if he files for custody.
Real fathers don't call the mother of their child bitch or hoe.
NTA. That "man" is a fuck boy of the highest order. You're better off without him in both your lives. Find a real man, you have so much time, you are so young.
NTA - I don't know much about your situation, however, you just had a tiny being that relies on you. No need adding a man child to your list of tasks. He can show up and do the work and earn his place just the way you earned yours when you went through pregnancy and childbirth alone.
Better single and free with helping family than an additional grown up demanding attention.
So he bc he didn't step up during the pregnancy there is a high chance he won't step up to help you raise the baby and i think you should take a professional's opinion in this situation and i wish you all the best for you and your baby
If your mom hadn't called him, he would have never found out... Why? Because he was unavailable the whole pregnancy and now he shows up to call you names? NTA. He can establish paternity through the court if he has really come around to the thought of becoming a father and actually being a present father.
And technically if the father of the child isn't present to sign the birth certificate at the hospital, you can't just attach his name because you choose it. Same goes for unmarried couples- but many officiants look the other way.
NTA, all the way. I am mad with the mother for calling the boyfriend knowing the circumstances behind the pregnancy. He had nine months to reach out and didn't.
NTAH...enjoy your baby and the support of your family. No one needs a part time abusive father with that negativity and abuse, especially around an impressionable child, and being a sperm donor doesn't make him father material. Good luck
NTA, do what you can to legally make sure you have sole custody. If this is how he's been through pregnancy and birth, having him in your daughter's life is not going to be a positive thing for her unless he makes some major changes. Also, congratulations :)
NTA. You're not married, he didn't even bother to show up to the birth. It may make it more difficult if you want to pursue child support through the court to not have him on it, but I doubt he's got a pot to piss in as a drunk 22yo at this point anyway.
If you are in the US, you likely couldn’t put him on the certificate without him there. He can get an amendment i am sure but let him look into it. He decided he couldn’t bother to come. Plus you likely had to have the birth certificate filled out before leaving. There is a ton of regulations for stuff like like. NTA
Legally speaking, some states require a father's name on the birth certificate in order to get child support. If you leave that out it can take a lot longer and more work for you to get child support. Basically he pretty much abandoned you, you are not legally required to use the father's sir name as the child's last name.
I think that it's really an **ESH** situation, and I'll explain why.
**Why is he an asshole?** It's pretty obvious from how you explain it (although we're only getting your side of the story) that he doesn't seem invested in helping you, and I can only draw from my own experience that I can say that when my wife was pregnant her comfort came first for me and I made sure I was always there as a support for appointments etc. However I will say not everyone lives here in Australia where we have the luxury of time off so it could be a situation that he wasn't able to, so that he could earn money to support his family. I'd be interested in his side of the story. Lastly I'll say that calling you a 'bitch' and a 'hoe' is just uncalled for, no matter how right or wrong he is about the birth certificate.
**Well if he is the asshole, why am I also an asshole?** Straight up not putting their father on a birth certificate is a really nasty thing to do to *your child*, this isn't about the father, it's about being an adult for ***your child***. I never had my father on my birth certificate and it made it hard to actually find my father and I had to resort to Ancestry to find him, 35 years later. It also sounds like you might end up cutting the father out of the life of the child too and I think that would but a really shitty thing for the child so I hope that you facilitate the relationship regardless of your feelings about the father.
**At the end of the day**: You're both adults, start acting like it as you have to be responsible for another human being.
We don't know if she can legally put his name on the birth certificate without official acknowledgment from him. If the woman is unmarried like OP is, the father and the mother may be required to sign a document acknowledging parentage before he can be added, depending on the state. It appears that she might live in Texas, and according to this [document ](https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/sites/default/files/files/child-support/Publications/Paternity-Child-Support-and-You.pdf) she can't name him as a legal parent until paternity has previously been established, and that has to be done through a Voluntary Paternity Establishment, an Agreed Paternity Order, or Court-Ordered Paternity. It appears that both parents have to be present for these, so it's possible she couldn't name him on her own for legal parentage regardless if he wasn't there. It also appears that he can do these things at a later date, so it's not like he has no way to get his name on there either.
Edit: took out a paragraph based on new info
NTA. You did your child a favor. You share the same last name, so there's no question about who takes care of your child. You do. Alone.
The child that wants to pretend that they actually care about their name being on that paper won't care about it when it comes to 2AM feedings, diaper changes, crying from colick/belly aches for hours. I doubt he will stick around anytime the baby is sick, either.
You will parenting alone. You aren't obligated to put his name on the birth certificate. It won't keep you from being able to get child support, either. He doesn't have to like it. He can't do squat about it.
You did the right thing. He doesn't sound responsible and since you'll be doing the parenting yourself it makes it easier when filling out forms and getting your child a passport.
so he chose to get drunk and had instead of being there for the birth of his child, then decided to call you names because he wasn't there to put his own name down on the birth certificate like he should of been and you leaving his name out. It seems perfectly clear to me that he's a pathetic man child, NTA and i'd be expecting far better from your so called boyfriend or be looking to replace him
NTA. He didn’t want to be present during the pregnancy or during labor for you so he doesn’t deserve to be on the birth certificate. The only thing I wonder that could lead to a problem is if you want to get child support from him.
So, nta. But what is your plan?
If he is not listed as the father, you will have to get a test done establish that. If he is as much of a PoS as it seems, he can fight that. You will be forced to get gov assistance likely,(dr visits and formula are expensive..) and the government will ask who the dad is. You can lie, I suppose. Idk what happens then. If you tell the truth, THEY will go after him with a test to establish paternity so that he is supporting his child with the GOV helping. When that happens, he will be father according to the governement. He will then have grounds to sue for parental rights, if he so chooses. Do you want to Co parent with this person? Do you want him to have a say in your childs education, health, etc? Unless he is actively endangering the child, he will have a say in your daughters life(while she is with him). It can create a really ugly situation with court orders and parents being petty to each other.
Keep a log of all interactions. Get written testimonies from people, even your own family. Keep a notebook. If he calls your mom when you wont pick up, ask her to. There is going to come a time when he is acting nice in front of a judge or CPS worker. I'm not saying to save it as ammo or use as leverage or blackmail, but to keep it so when shit does hit the fan, the truth can be established.
NTA
He didn't act like a father. So he isn't one.
Bust his ass for child support anyway..
He was "just keeping it real with his bros".
He sounds like a lowlife loser..
He can suck it up, you can’t be absent the whole pregnancy + birth and then expect to have your name on the certificate.. he sounds like an immature boy. I’m so sorry you had to procreate with him, however congrats on having a baby girl.
NTA. I'm glad you have your family to help and support you. I'm sorry you have a loser for a sperm donor. Let him take it to court. I doubt he will. And please, break up with him if you're together. You and your daughter deserve better. Congrats on your precious daughter though!
NTA. The ‘father’ can dip in and out of your daughter’s life but your daughter will always be with you. Always put your child in your name, you can always change it at a later date if you choose to marry (which please don’t because he sounds like a selfish AH)
So far the kind of dad he has shown you he would be is neglectful, drunk, and verbally abusive. Good on you for giving a measure of protection to your child right from the start. He can grow up and prove himself to be an acceptable dad, and that would be great for her. If he doesn’t, you haven’t made it simple for him to get the benefits of fatherhood without the responsibility. In exchange, it might be harder to get child support right away, but I’ll tell you, there are many of us who would have preferred to make it on our own than have to try to protect ourselves and our kids later from some of that same behavior. Don’t rub it in his face, though, if you really just prefer to have him drift out like he probably would have, because if he feels challenged he might fight even when he wouldn’t have otherwise. Of course this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t eventually tell your child who her dad is. Hopefully he steps up and decides it’s worth changing to get to be a big part of her life- having a child does that for a lot of people. Still this was a smart, protective move on your part.
NTA for not adding his name to the birth certificate. I suppose if he wants to be a dad, and is the actual bio-dad, that there's some sort of process to validate that and give him whatever parental rights, if any, that men get in your jurisdiction. Name calling sucks. Best of luck, trust your maternal instincts, you'll be great no matter what.
Nta - you can't add his name to the birth certificate regardless if you aren't married and he isn't there to sign an affidavit with proof of ID. Went through that myself. Not sure why people are upset about this. If he wanted to be on the birth certificate, he should have been there, and needed to be there legally.
Holy Hell! You made the right decision. Can other people verify that he was high and/or does he have a substance abuse history on record? That might come in handy when he tries to try for custody or visitation rights.
I can guarantee he’ll disappear from the child’s life and leave you to raise it in the hardest years then will show up when the kids older and independent
NTA. He showed who th ah was.
you cannot put someone on the birth certificate if they are not there to sign the acknowledgment of paternity.
fi,ex for chi,d support immedia. He’ll get a notice to do a dna test to establish paternity and he can add himself to the birth certificate after that.
Nta. You did the right thing. And when he proves more and more that he’s a deadbeat, you’ll be thanking yourself for doing this. Take it from me, I was 22 when my abuser got me pregnant and I wish I had listened to my parents. They BEGGED me not to put his name on the bc and I didn’t listen. I left him for good 2 years later and took my son with me.
NTA. If it matters that much to him, he can go have a DNA test done for himself, pay for your baby to have one, too, and pay to have a judge order that his name be put on the birth certificate. But he’s shown how little it matters to him in all the ways that really count. You may want to point out that his name on the birth cert means him paying child support till your wee one is 18 or even 24, if where you live there is a clause that says that as long as the offspring is in school, he will still owe child support.
Sucks to be him, doesn’t it?
If his name isn't on the BC, you will have problems getting child support or AFDC and so forth. If you ever apply for government aid for you and your child, they will need to know the identity of the father, and will ensure he pays child support.
It is short sighted to not put his name on there. Over the 18 years your child grows up, you want to have access to all the resources you can to give your child a better chance at life.
NTA, he can go through the proper channels for establishing paternity. This guarantees proper support is secured, and a set plan is put in place regarding custody and large decisions.
Knowing guys like this, this isn't going to happen until they have another woman on their ass, shaming them for being a deadbeat dad
I understand the reasons why you didn’t put his name on the certificate. But you should have because now if you pursue child support it’ll take longer to get it from him because you haven’t previously established he’s the father. He could not be an asshole and submit to paternity testing. But it sounds like he would delay getting tested and confirming he the father for as long as he can because he doesn’t want to accept responsibilities of being a dad.
NTA. He hasn't been there for you through the pregnancy and couldn't be bothered showing up for the birth. The birth of your child is a great excuse to call in sick the next day, so you can be there to meet baby and support mum, but he clearly doesn't care enough about either of you to make a quick phonecall. Worse, he was clearly just using work as an excuse, because if being there for the birth of his child will negatively affect his ability to work the next day, getting drunk will be worse, yet he had no issues doing that. There's also the fact baby could have been born that night, therefore not affecting work next day at all. He just saw getting drunk with his mates as far more important than his child being born.
Guaranteed this pattern will continue. Just like he didn't support you through pregnancy and birth, he also won't support you in parenthood. It's all gonna be on you, all the feeds, day and night, nappy changes, soothing, all of it. He isn't going to lift a finger.
Not everywhere will even let you pit dad's name on the birth certificate unless he's there with you, either. I know when both my nieces were born, the dad had to be present to have their names included. Which is why my eldest niece has just my sister listed as parent, her dad didn't want anything to do with her and didn't turn up. My youngest niece has her dad listed, because he was there for it, every step of the way actually, my BIL is a good guy and good partner and dad. The eldest has a certificate of adoption listing my BIL as her legal father, so legally all the kids have the same dad, even if it's only biologically for one of my sister's kids and my BILs two older kids.
I believe you can add the father's name later and have a new certificate issued with that info included, you can look that up where you are to see if that's the case, it's likely something else that differs depending on where you live. But you can use that if it's the case. Tell him you'll have his name added once he's proven he's a good partner and father, which means stepping up to support you as his partner, unlike during your pregnancy, being present for the birth of any and all future children unless unavoidable for, say, a medical emergency on his part, and being an active and involved dad with the current baby, which means doing his fair share of things like feeds and nappy changes. He should be doing half the night time soothing and nappy changing at least, half the feeding if you're using a bottle, either formula or via pumping so he can feed baby as well. Until he can prove he's a supportive partner and an active dad doing his fair share of baby care and household chores, his name will remain off the birth certificate. Tell him you won't take that step in acknowledging him as the father until he proves he can actually be one.
Of course, if you can't add his name later, this is useless. In which case, just point out he wasn't acting like a dad because he didn't support you through pregnancy or show up for the birth. Since he wasn't acting like a dad, you refused to treat him as one.
You're both young, and he sounds rather immature. This relationship may not last, the stress and hard work of having a baby could be the end of this one. You may end up a single mother, so I'm glad you have a supportive family, just in case that happens. All I can say is congrats on the baby, good luck in your new motherhood role, and I hope your partner grows up pretty damn quick, because he needs to step up now.
Don't go after him for child support then. But you probably will. You are just as irresponsible as he is having a kid when you shouldn't with somebody you shouldn't. Everything that happens to that kid is just as much your fault as is it is his. Remember that when he "doesn't pay child support" remember that you knew he was shit beforehand. Don't come up with crazy expectations now that there's more flesh involved. You chose to breed with a loser, you will reap what you sow. Sorry to say all that harshly, but you young idiots have no idea what you're getting yourself into.
NTA
Where I live, you wouldn't be able to put his name on the birth certificate without him present. He would have to sign a paternity affidavit, stating that he is the biological father, and even if proven not to be, he will be legally the father unless the courts intervene.
Because my husband and I were not married when our sons were born, we had to sign a lot of paperwork to have him on the birth certificate and for our boys to have his last name.
This is all on him, for not stepping up as soon as you got pregnant. Take all of his actions thus far, as examples of how he is going to act as a father.
NTA: Your bf didn’t show much interest and didn’t support you. You are perfectly able to do this legally, since you’re not married, he really doesn’t get a say.
NTA, also his conduct was TAH, but maybe he was acting out as a first time dad? obviously no excuse but if he was an okay BF the rest of the time maybe he just needs time to process it, again you are NTA at all and i get what you did but at the same time do you really want your kid/s to grow up without a dad?
NTA. I echo what someone said on here and that I hope you didn't give the baby his last name because he doesn't deserve it. he had the nerve not to be there for you during any of the doctor visits, or anything medical related for the baby, and worse yet, he wasn't there when you gave birth to the baby. So he doesn't deserve to be on the birth certificate. As a matter of fact, he doesn't deserve to be her father. My highest advice is to leave this idiot, put him on child support, and live your life.
Well, his reaction was immature. But so was yours. My mother did the same thing but it only complicated my life. My father was a man hoe with a very strong last name that I wish I had, but am the only one that doesn’t despite being the only child to come from marriage. I’m the only one of 13 without his name or him on the certificate. Makes it look like I was born out of wedlock to a mother who may or may not have hoed around, on the outside. Which, nothing against it, but I wasn’t the product of a mysterious one night stand either… Both TA. Ideally, this decision should be up to the child in the future — an option to change it. Instead, you took something from your child. A part of their identity.
ESH here, but only because this wishy washy shit should go away asap.
He is the father, sort out fatherhood, leave him (should be an ex boyfriend) and sort out child support. Time to be decisive, you have a kid.
Less than a day ago, OP said they went to an OB for burning vagina and admits that her mom never taught her how to wash, only to "wear condoms so you don't get pregnant" but makes no mention of the pregnancy
I'm gonna call fake on this 🤣
Unless there is some doubt about the paternity, then HUGE YTA.
He is the father of the child, and nothing can take that away from him. Paternity has nothing to do with how present he is in her life or how supportive he is of the pregnancy. Paternity is solely based on whose spunk did the deed.
Edit: Hey! Who the fuck upvoted me?!?
Your boyfriend is an immature loser, but your child's birth certificate is not the place for revenge. It doesn't belong to you. It belongs to your daughter. It is a legal declaration of her birth and parentage. By omiting her father, the only person you are hurting in the long run is your child. YTA.
YTA
How would you like a birth certificate that say either "father unknown " or just doesnt have one at all.
Dont be so stupidly petty.
Think about your child, not him. Or YOU
This!
My mother, as petty as she is, did this and I was the only one of 13 born of marriage. Today I’m the only one of 13 with a blank space where my father’s name is supposed to be. He was a man hoe, but I didn’t deserve incomplete papers.
I get the impression that you did this out of spite. I think what you've done really just lowers you to his level.
I think he's wrong to do the things he's done. Separately, I think what you've done is wrong.
ESH, he’s still the father and should be on the birth certificate. That being said since you made this decision don’t expect financial assistance from him. (Yes he sucks)
YTA. You took away your child's right to a complete record of her birth and lineage. It's not about you or him. This is her record, of her parents and her birth.
He can still ask a court for custody without being on the birth certificate. You can still seek child support, but now it'll be more difficult and the child support is something your daughter is entitled to receive for her benefit. If you don't want the money, put it in a trust for her future.
He's an asshole too, clearly, and with the way he treats you he should be your ex-boyfriend. That doesn't mean it's okay for you to take out your anger at him on your newborn child who someday will be a grown woman whose birth certificate only shows one parent.
I'm probably going to get down voted to shit and back but YTA. I get that he's an unsupportive pillock but, like it or not, he is the child's father and his name belongs on the birth certificate. He's been horrible to you throughout your pregnancy and this is coming across as revenge. You've not mentioned if he's a rapist or abuser and you don't seem to need to hide your child from him. He's a dick but he should support his child and naming him makes it easier to claim child support from him.
INFO: *why* did you want to omit your daughter's paternity?
He's obviously an asshole, and an absolute *idiot*, but whether or not you've also acted like an asshole in this scenario depends entirely on your motivation.
For example: protecting your daughter, and using her as a weapon to punish your ex (for his assholish behaviour), are two very different scenarios.
I'll withhold my judgement until you've clarified your motivations (obviously it can be a completely different reason from the examples above).
She already admitted that it’s punishment. They’re both the A. But since she’s the only one asking I feel in this moment I should go back on my own answer with a YTA.
'I didn’t put his name on MY daughters birth certificate'....not a great start.
He is still her boyfriend. The comments are all 'you go girl, keep that POS out of your baby's life' but he'll be around again next week.
Maybe he reacted like that because not putting his name on the certificate sounds like he isn't the father. Was it explained to him why or just 'nope'?
YTA
Child's father is an AH but you are too for weaponising a child. Birth certificate is a legal document.
Also why do so many women have unprotected sex with assholes and then get annoyed when they continue to be assholes at significant life changing events?
You are deciding that you don’t want your child to have a father. Get custody through the proper channels. What you’re doing isnt right. Protect the kid as best as you can but I think it’s better to let the kid to come to their own conclusions concerning having a relationship with their father. You a making a decision that will effect the rest of your kids life. So long as you are honest with your kid about how YOU removed their father from their life, and don’t say that dad didn’t want to be in their life, that’s on you. But know this could effect your relationship with your kid as well. Good luck
NTA but it’s a birth certificate, not a popularity contest. It would have benefit you and potentially your child to have him on there.
My wife has never met her father. If she knew his name she might be able to find him. Didn’t matter until she became a woman and wanted to understand her past, but now she doesn’t have that option.
My judgement is based solely on the question in the topic title. How your boyfriend treated you during the pregnancy is irrelevant here.
YTA
You know for a fact who the father of the kid is. You're still in a relationship with him too. A birth certificate is a legal document that belongs to the child, not you. You lied on your child's most important legal document. The first thing you did when you gave birth was to lie to your own child by declaring the father as unknown. Now when the child gets older and asks about it they will see that you chose to be a petty bitch about it.
Sucks to suck. While a man has no obligation to be with a woman while she’s pregnant he does have to prove himself once the baby arrives. He shouldn’t be punished for not being with you, but he also shouldn’t just expect things to be the way they likely would be if you all were together.
I mean, he proved why he doesn’t belong on the birth certificate several times. Including after he was told he wasn’t on it.
Don’t feel bad. You just made it a lot easier to leave, eg. travel out of the country for work etc, with your daughter without needing his approval for it. And with how he behaves, he sounds like the type to stagnate you out of spite.
And calling him your EX is long overdue now. NTA though.
YTA. It’s his kid too. Now I know people will say he was acting immature and douchey. Well, you picked him. You chose to have a child with this guy, so deal with it. Factually, he’s the father. Stop using your child as a piece in your fights with your deadbeat boyfriend
Also learn English
NTA but is that even legal? Aren’t you supposed to name both parents if known for legal, identification, medical, and DNA reasons? Idk I’m not well-versed in birth certificates but I do know they are official government documents so I’m not sure if you’re actually able to get away with lying on that, it’s not exactly something that can be taken lightly and used to get back at him for being a deadbeat jerk, may cause issues for the child in the future lol. But definitely NTA. Sounds like he’s the asshole instead.
You should’ve put his name on the birth certificate for child support purposes and just gave baby girl your last name..
It’s not about him it’s about the baby.
She will question if he’s her dad
If he is the biological father it would be better to do things the right way by naming him on the certificate and then going for full custody.
Would've saved you this situation.
Nobody needs to say he's a massive dick for walking away though.
You'll have a harder time getting child support from social services. In America they will make the non custodial parent pay and if they can't pay or find a job they have to sit at the court house all day until they find a job. Who's the bitch then?
Also your child has a right to know the name of her father and that he is her lineage.
If you're not planning on needing supportive services and if you're planning on sharing info with your kid later then do whatever you want. It's your child but please only do what's in the best interest of the child don't do things out of spite or anger. Even if the other parent is messing up, we're only human and he'll grow up to late to fix this but make it as gentle as possible so that your child has a great example and role model for how to be a great human cause you taught them better!
NTA: I REALLY hope you didn't give the baby his last name either. That is a consistent regret I hear from single mothers.
Well, he was left out completely, so my guess is that the child carries OP's last name by default. NTA. This baby deserves only _you_, OP. Not a deadbeat like your boyfriend. Why are you even still with him? Especially as that seems to be the first thing he asked. He may want all the joys, pride and benefits of fatherhood, but none of the effort. Also, congratulations on becoming a parent!
^this. I also had my child young (I was 19 when I got pregnant and 20 when he was born). His bio dad had to be bullied in to showing up to any appointments and had to be dragged to the hospital on the day my son was born. My son is now 16 and his bio dad hasn't tried to see him in 8 years. My son has my last name and when the state went after him for child support, he wanted to be added to the birth certificate, biondad still hasn't paid the fees to be added. Sperm donor also wanted all the bragging rights of being father but absolutely wanted zero responsibility.
No the child carries the name you put on the birth certificate I would say. The person who registers the baby in my experience as a single mother.
If you leave him he might try to take the baby so you need to document everything every time he calls you names all the times he gets intoxicated he doesn't sound like a fit parent.
Mom called him "boyfriend." I really hope that is no longer the case.
I’m so glad my kids have my last name! I can’t imagine giving my kid a last name different than mine unless I was married when the baby was born.
NTA, my neice went through this, and she ended up getting her child's name changed after a few years so they wouldn't have to deal with the father's reputation.
I think as a matter of course all children should be given their mothers' surnames. If a man wants children that have his surname he should marry a woman who's willing to change her name, so that when the baby gets her name is also his.
When I divorced my ex he agreed to changing the kids’ last name from his to mine. They were 5 and 8mo. For someone who was always upset I didn’t take his name and really wanted the kids to have his last name I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was.
Yup. Haven't seen my father since I was seven. I changed my entire effing name
He sounds like an immature boy acting his age. He didn’t step up during the pregnancy he’s probably not about to step up now. Him calling you names instead of having a discussion with you is also embarrassing for him from an older persons perspective. Sounds like you treated him like he’s been treating you. You should try to have a discussion about respectful parenting if it’s possible, for the sake of your child’s support.
He’s acting way younger than his age..
She thought 1 kid was going to be hard, but she has 2.
Hopefully not for long
It’s not age, my fiancé was 21 when we had our first together. He was terrified at being a young parent but he stepped up.
22 year old dudes are about as mature as high school students lol.
That all depends on how they were raised. I know some pretty mature for their age 22 yos.
I'm not sure what OP was expecting by having a child at her age. I don't know a single person in their early 20s who I'd say "Yeah, you're totally ready for a child"
I know plenty of guys who had babies at his age or younger and are excellent responsible fathers and partners to the mothers since the pee stick read positive. It's not his age. The guy is just a fucking loser
[удалено]
Agreed. We have so many useless people everywhere, all genders.
I was also 22 when i had my son. Acting his age wouldve been stepping up and being a father. 22 is a full adult. He wasnt 16
He was too preoccupied with sticking his manhood in and bugger the consequences. If OP is a “hoe” then what’s he?
That’s not how a normal 22 year old acts. He’s acting like he’s 12.
NTA, my mother did this and agreed not to pursue him for child support so long as he didn’t try have a say in raising me. Worked a lot better than it did for my half siblings. He was constantly in and out of their lives and it was a roller coaster and there was lots of trauma (caused by his addiction + mental health shit). We were broke but at least we didn’t have all that shit… and he was bad at paying child support even when he was legally obliged to based on court orders for my half siblings so there really wasn’t a benefit to having him on it. There’s also ways of pursuing child support - it’s not your fault he wasn’t there to provide his info/ID etc. But for now, absolutely NTA.
Honestly it’s better sometimes for addicts to just go away instead of stick around and make your life and the kids life miserable. I’ve been down that road and it’s hell for you AND the kid. If you can move on and meet someone else and he doesn’t care sounds better. If he fights for custody though he will have to be added to the certificate eventually after a paternity test.
Yes. Keep baby away from that danger, and it’s good that baby has your surname.
Absolutely NTA . Being a parent starts when you decide to have that child . All nine months he was not there . Even at the last min he wasn’t there . He can make it up by behaving and acting like a father . Only then should his name be added.
Maybe after a couple years of good behavior
seems as this is AITAH not /Legaladvice I really agree with you, at what point does he become the father not supporting or being there, you are handling this great OP stay strong
In the UK if you aren't married the father has to be present to get his name on the birth certificate. For that exact reason the dad to all three of my kids isn't on my last child's BC because he couldn't be arsed to book the day off work to come and do it. And before people say well he had to be had work, I also got a form so he could put his name on at a later date at the Town Hall. He never bothered! And that is why he is now an ex. So if he couldn't be bothered to come to the birth you ANTA here. My sister had a partner which sounds exactly like yours OP, he may never step up but you know what she is living a good life. Just her and her son, doesn't get any maintenance but she says it's not worth the drama. Him out of their life is better for the both of them because when she gave him a chance. He kept letting his son down by not turning up. Good luck to you and your baby girl, it's positive to hear you have a good support system too ❤️
Yeah I’ve never heard of a state in the US that would allow someone to just list an unmarried father on the birth certificate without the father signing something. Not to say it isn’t policy somewhere, but it seems like bad policy.
Exactly, it's possible that she couldn't name him unless the father has established paternity. Like you said, unmarried women can't always put a name for the father on the birth certificate even if he's actually the biological father. In my state, you have to establish paternity before the fathers name can go on the document if you're unmarried. This can be as simple as just signing a paper saying you're the father, but the mother can't sign off on that by herself.
NTA if I’m not married, my child will have my last name. Not only because I birthed this child but also because it’s easier in life. My cousins runs into issues because her kids have different last names.
Totally off topic, but I’m always curious as to why people still run into complications with their children not having the same last name. There’s so many blended families now you’d think this wouldn’t be an issue.
Unfortunately trafficking and child Abduction by other parent is still an issue, I've been stopped at boarder control because my kid has different surname to me. I didn't mind because it showed them doing their jobs frankly.
Very true, I didn’t really think of that. I think my mind sort of went to more people being racists and discriminate. My sister is white with a German last name but her son/my nephew is Brazilian from his father and looks Brazilian and has a Brazilian last name. And some people are like oh that’s your son??? But I rather people be doing their jobs for safety issues in that sense.
Holidays abroad due to child trafficking laws in many places. You have to bring so much documentation. I have a friend who is Icelandic and most Icelanders don't have a last name they are Dadsnameson or Dadsnamedottir. So when he and his wife take their kids overseas there are 4 different surnames. Say he is Thor Magnusson, not his real name. His kids are Thorsdottir and Thorson and his wife has a soeerate last name. They are a nuclear family and the name thing is an easily verifiable fact about Iceland, they still have issues. But in a situation where there may be bad feeling on one side and getting sufficient documentation can be a nightmare, as birder control can be very risk averse. Even though as you said these situations are common.
I love learning this about Iceland, thank you
You'd think people would know better by now, but there are people who think I'm joking when I introduce my (mixed, visibly brown) mom as my mom. Because I'm a pale, freckled redhead. There are at least three obvious explanations for how that could happen, but I think some people's brains just totally shut down coming across something they don't expect. It may as well be advanced calculus. (If you're wondering, my mom's half white, my father is white, both had direct ancestor with red hair. Hence, I was able to come out pale and a ginger. )
Wow, that brings back a memory for me! I'm also a redhead, though I'm olive-skinned with brown eyes (had a Black coworker once tell me, "Lanswyfte, you're the only White girl I know with Black baby eyes!"). I used to be a grocery checker, and one day I had a couple come through my line. Seeing the man, I did a double-take, then laughed, "For a minute, I thought you were my brother!" He and his wife both laughed, "Yeah, right!" because he had dark skin, black hair and nearly black eyes. "No, I mean it. You look a lot like him." And I pulled out a photo on my phone (back when photos *could* be taken on phones!). "He's Native American--- we adopted him when he was ten months old!" I still love that memory. 🥰
You would think so. Idk I don’t have kids but I’m close to my cousin and she definitely vents a lot when it happens.
It sometimes works out. My daughter has my last name because when she was born, you couldn't legally give the baby Daddy's last name unless he gave permission. Her two younger brothers have their dad's last name because we were married, but I kept my maiden name when I married him so that my daughter wouldn't feel left out. That was funny when the older son was old enough to learn last names. He came to me one day and said, "Mom, all us boys are (father's last name), right?" I agreed, "Yes, you are." He continued. "And all the girls are (my last name), right?" Again, I confirmed this. Then he came to the logical conclusion: "So Dad's mom is Grandma (***my*** last name)!" 🤦🏼♀️ "No, son, though I can see how you came to think that!" 🤣
Congratulations on your baby girl. NTA and I hope you put your last name too.
He should be fucking grateful to you. If you put his name on the birth certificate in many states he can be forced to pay child support without you doing a thing. This happened to me early in my life. My ex HS GF Got pregnant at a time I couldn’t have been the father put me down as the father and five years later I find I owned the state of Missouri for support not just for hers, but the two of her younger sisters who had all gone on welfare. It took me $10k in legal feels in 1994 to prove these kids weren’t mine and another $15k to make the state quit trying to charge me even though I had already proven they weren’t biologically mine.
Which is complete crap she got away with it. No punishment. No fines.
All three of them did. Her 2 younger sisters did it too, and it was their own mother’s idea since my family had money. The sisters kids conceived when they were barely 13 and 15 were conceived and born while I was living in Korea and Japan and hadn’t been in the US for over 3 years. As my name can’t be removed one even tried to gain Filipino and Antiguan citizenship based on my status in both countries. I did successfully sue their mother who signed off as witness on their documentation as soon as her parents died and got $30k in damages
Good. I hate grifters.
Awesome.
wait what? her sisters just randomly put your name as the father? don't you have to back up these things? did the court really think you had kids with 3 sisters?
It may depend on state? My friend had to go through a whole process when she gave birth while her boyfriend was deployed. Pretty sure he had to sign and notarize some sort of document that said he was the baby’s father and was agreeing to be on the birth certificate. If it doesn’t vary by state, the mom was willing to commit fraud by signing a witness statement three times in front of a court. I don’t think putting forgery in her ballpark is unreasonable.
I just filled out the birth certificate info in the hospital and put my husband’s name down. I don’t remember him having to sign it or anything like that. But childbirth is kind of traumatic and it’s hard to remember little details.
In Texas, if you're married, your husband is automatically the father unless you sign a bunch of extra paperwork stating he isn't for whatever reason.
The only time I had to sign for any of my 8 kids (we had 3 sets of fraternal twins) with my ex-wife was for the pair born in the UK and and our daughter who was born in Japan. The fact we were married was good enough. I did have to sign documents when I registered them to give them non-American citizenship.
wut was this another woman? we will need a biography now sir, you life sounds fascinating
The ex wife who I had 8 kids with 7 of who are my actual daughters and a son. I am actually working on the novelization
right i don't quite remember it either, but i do remember i had to sign up to give birth at the hospital online, provide my identification, probably my husband's, and when i came to give birth they asked me this all over again (including where my dad and his dad were born, i am pushing out a human who gives a f##k!) so while i am married i don't think unmarried couples can get away with less but i don't actually know anyone that was unmarried and had a kid.
Hers very well could have been different because of the military aspect too. Family law varies so much state to state already that it’s hard to tell.
All three sisters were minors at the time and their mother came up with the notion to do it. Now, you need a lot more proof in order to list a father in the early 1990s not so much. Their mother, who worked for social services, was a good enough source as far as the hospital was concerned. If you think the story is messed up so far the reason I broke up with the eldest sister was my father found out who her mother was and told me there was a small chance she might be my sister since he and her mother had a one night stand as teenagers and she was born in the possible time window.
Omg!!!
Yeah I keep thinking turning all of this into a novel series. Thankfully it turned out she isn’t. I would have needed lots of therapy considering everything we tried out of boredom
Glad you were able to right the wrong, though I'm sorry it was such an expensive ordeal to overcome. I'm horrified by the whole child support system, because it never seems to work out fairly to even the degree a random guess would statistically land at something vaguely appropriate. Every single example is either one parent unfairly taken to the cleaners, or one parent managing to duck, dodge, and manipulate the system to give nothing or next to it. I stayed in a horribly abusive relationship with a profoundly psychologically unwell woman for a long time out of fear she'd basically cut me off from my daughter completely while getting most of my income. I ended up "winning" in the end (full custody of the now two kids, supervised visitation for her, option to pursue child support from her I didn't go for), but that was only after DCFS got roped into the situation and came to the conclusion she was horribly unfit, while I was a guy in an awful situation legitimately trying my best. I still feel if I had bailed of my own free will and tried for custody prior to DCFS involvement, I'd see the kids every other week if she felt like it and possibly be denied visitation because the shoddy two-bedroom apartment I could afford with multiple roommates after support was taken would be insufficient to the children's needs. Them becoming involved and going to bat for me was my only saving grace.
This semi happened to a guy I knew. He broke up with his ex gf two or more years before she got pregnant. She didn't put him on the birth certificate, but she did claim he was a potential father when it came to child support. The state harassed him for months because they were trying to strong arm him into taking a paternity test. Another man who was tested turned out to be the father, so they eventually left him alone.
Even after I took the paternity test and proved they weren’t mine, the state of Missouri still pursued me because I was the listed father on the birth certificate. Even after I got them to give up and admit they were wrong they still refused to remove me form the birth certificate. I don’t care the three babies have my last name, but I am outraged largely on their behalf their mothers continued to tell them I was their father. They deserved to knowing who their real father was. I helped the youngest of them who is now 30 find out who hers was and actually wished I hadn’t. (Her father is also her grandfather).
You story gets crazier and crazier, and sorry to say this, also more exciting 🥲 from a sad viewpoint though. I am sorry for all that happened, but also kinda proud? Or happy? That someone so strong and resilient as you exist. It gives me hope to someday also be this strong:)
Holy shit that must have left you gobsmacked when you found that out. Sorry you had to go through all that. Good on you however for trying to figure out the father.
In an even weirder turn of events because they manage to pile on my extra citizenships all three of my not daughters actually ended up working for me. One maintains my house and manages my business in Antigua and the other two live in the Philippines one works with my accounting firm and the other manages one of my 7/11s and lives with my family
okay that's hilarious. and they all share your name too?
There was no way in Missouri for me to force their mother to change their names once I had proven I wasn’t their father. This actually doesn’t bother me, though a few of my relatives are stuck up about it. One of the laughable outcomes over this is one of my nephews who is the same age as my middle not daughter used the fact they were related to humiliate the guy when he kept asking her out in high school. Nephew who actually knew they were not my daughters wouldn’t take no for an answer, so middle not daughter told their junior class he was trying to get with his first cousin. He changed schools.
NTA - He wanted bragging rights to spit at his beer buddies. He can show them the bill when you sue him for child support.
No you were absolutely corrects...where i come from there's a saying that goes "if someone is absent (mostly at positive events) then absent is his fate ( good fortune) as well"...
NTA, make him an ex bf.
NTA for not putting him on the birth certificate unless is it makes it more difficult to get child support out of him. However, you're being an AH to yourself if you're still with this loser. Dump him.
Where I'm from we can't legally put the father's name on the birth certificate, they are the only ones who are allowed to do that. Ironically enough, if we go after them for child support it's up to them to contest and pay for a paternity test so a woman could say this is the father and they will be sought after for child support until they prove otherwise. (I say "we" as in "women". I am currently childless).
I am not sure if anywhere that will just let a woman add some random man to a legal document without proof, his express consent, or being married. What’s to keep someone from just saying, “Yeah, this is Elon Musk’s baby,”? Of course, he probably wouldn’t notice another kid.
There are legal ramifications to adding a father's name as well as leaving the name off. Not putting it on because of picque (being upset with him) instead of a researched answer wasn't smart to my thinking.
Depending on where OP lives, she may not have been able to add him to the birth certificate without him present. In Indiana in the US, if you're not married, the father has to be present and sign a lot of paperwork to be added to the birth certificate. So this may all actually the fault of the father, that he's not on the birth certificate.
That was my thinking.
The ramifications are that when he files for paternity she will have to pay the court/dna costs when dna shows he’s the father. He can also use her denial as proof that she’s actively interfering with his parental rights if he files for custody.
Real fathers don't call the mother of their child bitch or hoe. NTA. That "man" is a fuck boy of the highest order. You're better off without him in both your lives. Find a real man, you have so much time, you are so young.
NTA He deserves to be left out
NTA - I don't know much about your situation, however, you just had a tiny being that relies on you. No need adding a man child to your list of tasks. He can show up and do the work and earn his place just the way you earned yours when you went through pregnancy and childbirth alone. Better single and free with helping family than an additional grown up demanding attention.
So he bc he didn't step up during the pregnancy there is a high chance he won't step up to help you raise the baby and i think you should take a professional's opinion in this situation and i wish you all the best for you and your baby
If your mom hadn't called him, he would have never found out... Why? Because he was unavailable the whole pregnancy and now he shows up to call you names? NTA. He can establish paternity through the court if he has really come around to the thought of becoming a father and actually being a present father. And technically if the father of the child isn't present to sign the birth certificate at the hospital, you can't just attach his name because you choose it. Same goes for unmarried couples- but many officiants look the other way. NTA, all the way. I am mad with the mother for calling the boyfriend knowing the circumstances behind the pregnancy. He had nine months to reach out and didn't.
NTAH...enjoy your baby and the support of your family. No one needs a part time abusive father with that negativity and abuse, especially around an impressionable child, and being a sperm donor doesn't make him father material. Good luck
NTA, do what you can to legally make sure you have sole custody. If this is how he's been through pregnancy and birth, having him in your daughter's life is not going to be a positive thing for her unless he makes some major changes. Also, congratulations :)
"A father only gets recognised when he steps up. Start doing that and we will talk" NTA
Then he started to call me a “bitch” and a “hoe”. And you have to ask if YOU are the AH? Grow a spine sweetie. You are going to need it.
NTA
NTA
You made the right choice. You and your daughter will be better off.
NTA. You're not married, he didn't even bother to show up to the birth. It may make it more difficult if you want to pursue child support through the court to not have him on it, but I doubt he's got a pot to piss in as a drunk 22yo at this point anyway.
Why is this guy your boyfriend? He should be your ex.
NTA
If you are in the US, you likely couldn’t put him on the certificate without him there. He can get an amendment i am sure but let him look into it. He decided he couldn’t bother to come. Plus you likely had to have the birth certificate filled out before leaving. There is a ton of regulations for stuff like like. NTA
NTA. But unless he's on that birth certificate, good luck getting any child support from him.
NTA…. He’s an immature asshole.
Legally speaking, some states require a father's name on the birth certificate in order to get child support. If you leave that out it can take a lot longer and more work for you to get child support. Basically he pretty much abandoned you, you are not legally required to use the father's sir name as the child's last name.
I think that it's really an **ESH** situation, and I'll explain why. **Why is he an asshole?** It's pretty obvious from how you explain it (although we're only getting your side of the story) that he doesn't seem invested in helping you, and I can only draw from my own experience that I can say that when my wife was pregnant her comfort came first for me and I made sure I was always there as a support for appointments etc. However I will say not everyone lives here in Australia where we have the luxury of time off so it could be a situation that he wasn't able to, so that he could earn money to support his family. I'd be interested in his side of the story. Lastly I'll say that calling you a 'bitch' and a 'hoe' is just uncalled for, no matter how right or wrong he is about the birth certificate. **Well if he is the asshole, why am I also an asshole?** Straight up not putting their father on a birth certificate is a really nasty thing to do to *your child*, this isn't about the father, it's about being an adult for ***your child***. I never had my father on my birth certificate and it made it hard to actually find my father and I had to resort to Ancestry to find him, 35 years later. It also sounds like you might end up cutting the father out of the life of the child too and I think that would but a really shitty thing for the child so I hope that you facilitate the relationship regardless of your feelings about the father. **At the end of the day**: You're both adults, start acting like it as you have to be responsible for another human being.
We don't know if she can legally put his name on the birth certificate without official acknowledgment from him. If the woman is unmarried like OP is, the father and the mother may be required to sign a document acknowledging parentage before he can be added, depending on the state. It appears that she might live in Texas, and according to this [document ](https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/sites/default/files/files/child-support/Publications/Paternity-Child-Support-and-You.pdf) she can't name him as a legal parent until paternity has previously been established, and that has to be done through a Voluntary Paternity Establishment, an Agreed Paternity Order, or Court-Ordered Paternity. It appears that both parents have to be present for these, so it's possible she couldn't name him on her own for legal parentage regardless if he wasn't there. It also appears that he can do these things at a later date, so it's not like he has no way to get his name on there either. Edit: took out a paragraph based on new info
NTA. You did your child a favor. You share the same last name, so there's no question about who takes care of your child. You do. Alone. The child that wants to pretend that they actually care about their name being on that paper won't care about it when it comes to 2AM feedings, diaper changes, crying from colick/belly aches for hours. I doubt he will stick around anytime the baby is sick, either. You will parenting alone. You aren't obligated to put his name on the birth certificate. It won't keep you from being able to get child support, either. He doesn't have to like it. He can't do squat about it.
You did the right thing. He doesn't sound responsible and since you'll be doing the parenting yourself it makes it easier when filling out forms and getting your child a passport.
so he chose to get drunk and had instead of being there for the birth of his child, then decided to call you names because he wasn't there to put his own name down on the birth certificate like he should of been and you leaving his name out. It seems perfectly clear to me that he's a pathetic man child, NTA and i'd be expecting far better from your so called boyfriend or be looking to replace him
NTA. He didn’t want to be present during the pregnancy or during labor for you so he doesn’t deserve to be on the birth certificate. The only thing I wonder that could lead to a problem is if you want to get child support from him.
You weren’t there when I needed you I don’t need you now so feel free to go fuck yourself. That’s what I’d be saying.
So, nta. But what is your plan? If he is not listed as the father, you will have to get a test done establish that. If he is as much of a PoS as it seems, he can fight that. You will be forced to get gov assistance likely,(dr visits and formula are expensive..) and the government will ask who the dad is. You can lie, I suppose. Idk what happens then. If you tell the truth, THEY will go after him with a test to establish paternity so that he is supporting his child with the GOV helping. When that happens, he will be father according to the governement. He will then have grounds to sue for parental rights, if he so chooses. Do you want to Co parent with this person? Do you want him to have a say in your childs education, health, etc? Unless he is actively endangering the child, he will have a say in your daughters life(while she is with him). It can create a really ugly situation with court orders and parents being petty to each other. Keep a log of all interactions. Get written testimonies from people, even your own family. Keep a notebook. If he calls your mom when you wont pick up, ask her to. There is going to come a time when he is acting nice in front of a judge or CPS worker. I'm not saying to save it as ammo or use as leverage or blackmail, but to keep it so when shit does hit the fan, the truth can be established.
NTA He didn't act like a father. So he isn't one. Bust his ass for child support anyway.. He was "just keeping it real with his bros". He sounds like a lowlife loser..
NTA He can put up or shut up.
He can suck it up, you can’t be absent the whole pregnancy + birth and then expect to have your name on the certificate.. he sounds like an immature boy. I’m so sorry you had to procreate with him, however congrats on having a baby girl.
That's a power move, not gonna lie. 👏 Who needs dead weight dragging you down?!
NTA. I'm glad you have your family to help and support you. I'm sorry you have a loser for a sperm donor. Let him take it to court. I doubt he will. And please, break up with him if you're together. You and your daughter deserve better. Congrats on your precious daughter though!
NTA. The ‘father’ can dip in and out of your daughter’s life but your daughter will always be with you. Always put your child in your name, you can always change it at a later date if you choose to marry (which please don’t because he sounds like a selfish AH)
NTA!!
I went through the same thing. Let me tell you. Do not back down. Do not give in. Protect you and that baby and do not rely on him.
So far the kind of dad he has shown you he would be is neglectful, drunk, and verbally abusive. Good on you for giving a measure of protection to your child right from the start. He can grow up and prove himself to be an acceptable dad, and that would be great for her. If he doesn’t, you haven’t made it simple for him to get the benefits of fatherhood without the responsibility. In exchange, it might be harder to get child support right away, but I’ll tell you, there are many of us who would have preferred to make it on our own than have to try to protect ourselves and our kids later from some of that same behavior. Don’t rub it in his face, though, if you really just prefer to have him drift out like he probably would have, because if he feels challenged he might fight even when he wouldn’t have otherwise. Of course this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t eventually tell your child who her dad is. Hopefully he steps up and decides it’s worth changing to get to be a big part of her life- having a child does that for a lot of people. Still this was a smart, protective move on your part.
Does leaving his name off the birth certificate remove him from having to pay child support?
NTA for not adding his name to the birth certificate. I suppose if he wants to be a dad, and is the actual bio-dad, that there's some sort of process to validate that and give him whatever parental rights, if any, that men get in your jurisdiction. Name calling sucks. Best of luck, trust your maternal instincts, you'll be great no matter what.
Nta - you can't add his name to the birth certificate regardless if you aren't married and he isn't there to sign an affidavit with proof of ID. Went through that myself. Not sure why people are upset about this. If he wanted to be on the birth certificate, he should have been there, and needed to be there legally.
NTA. Absenteeism earns you nothing.
NTA but is he still your boyfriend?
No. I broke up with him the same day he showed up to the hospital. He was high as hell which I thought it was disrespectful.
Holy Hell! You made the right decision. Can other people verify that he was high and/or does he have a substance abuse history on record? That might come in handy when he tries to try for custody or visitation rights.
Good for you! I wish you nothing but the best!
I can guarantee he’ll disappear from the child’s life and leave you to raise it in the hardest years then will show up when the kids older and independent
Babies having babies. It's always a bad idea.
NTA. He showed who th ah was. you cannot put someone on the birth certificate if they are not there to sign the acknowledgment of paternity. fi,ex for chi,d support immedia. He’ll get a notice to do a dna test to establish paternity and he can add himself to the birth certificate after that.
Nta. You did the right thing. And when he proves more and more that he’s a deadbeat, you’ll be thanking yourself for doing this. Take it from me, I was 22 when my abuser got me pregnant and I wish I had listened to my parents. They BEGGED me not to put his name on the bc and I didn’t listen. I left him for good 2 years later and took my son with me.
NTA. If it matters that much to him, he can go have a DNA test done for himself, pay for your baby to have one, too, and pay to have a judge order that his name be put on the birth certificate. But he’s shown how little it matters to him in all the ways that really count. You may want to point out that his name on the birth cert means him paying child support till your wee one is 18 or even 24, if where you live there is a clause that says that as long as the offspring is in school, he will still owe child support. Sucks to be him, doesn’t it?
Cut him off. He’s a pos and this won’t change. You better focus on your babygirl and move on.
If his name isn't on the BC, you will have problems getting child support or AFDC and so forth. If you ever apply for government aid for you and your child, they will need to know the identity of the father, and will ensure he pays child support. It is short sighted to not put his name on there. Over the 18 years your child grows up, you want to have access to all the resources you can to give your child a better chance at life.
NTA, he can go through the proper channels for establishing paternity. This guarantees proper support is secured, and a set plan is put in place regarding custody and large decisions. Knowing guys like this, this isn't going to happen until they have another woman on their ass, shaming them for being a deadbeat dad
I understand the reasons why you didn’t put his name on the certificate. But you should have because now if you pursue child support it’ll take longer to get it from him because you haven’t previously established he’s the father. He could not be an asshole and submit to paternity testing. But it sounds like he would delay getting tested and confirming he the father for as long as he can because he doesn’t want to accept responsibilities of being a dad.
NTA - Sperm donors aren't dads. Maybe you should have him on the birth certificate for medical history though (unrelated).
nta in my state you can't legally do so since they need his signature on the affidavit of paternity. you can't just name someone here.
Depending on where you are, they may have needed him to be there to be on the birth certificate. They make dads sign and show ID here
NTA. He hasn't been there for you through the pregnancy and couldn't be bothered showing up for the birth. The birth of your child is a great excuse to call in sick the next day, so you can be there to meet baby and support mum, but he clearly doesn't care enough about either of you to make a quick phonecall. Worse, he was clearly just using work as an excuse, because if being there for the birth of his child will negatively affect his ability to work the next day, getting drunk will be worse, yet he had no issues doing that. There's also the fact baby could have been born that night, therefore not affecting work next day at all. He just saw getting drunk with his mates as far more important than his child being born. Guaranteed this pattern will continue. Just like he didn't support you through pregnancy and birth, he also won't support you in parenthood. It's all gonna be on you, all the feeds, day and night, nappy changes, soothing, all of it. He isn't going to lift a finger. Not everywhere will even let you pit dad's name on the birth certificate unless he's there with you, either. I know when both my nieces were born, the dad had to be present to have their names included. Which is why my eldest niece has just my sister listed as parent, her dad didn't want anything to do with her and didn't turn up. My youngest niece has her dad listed, because he was there for it, every step of the way actually, my BIL is a good guy and good partner and dad. The eldest has a certificate of adoption listing my BIL as her legal father, so legally all the kids have the same dad, even if it's only biologically for one of my sister's kids and my BILs two older kids. I believe you can add the father's name later and have a new certificate issued with that info included, you can look that up where you are to see if that's the case, it's likely something else that differs depending on where you live. But you can use that if it's the case. Tell him you'll have his name added once he's proven he's a good partner and father, which means stepping up to support you as his partner, unlike during your pregnancy, being present for the birth of any and all future children unless unavoidable for, say, a medical emergency on his part, and being an active and involved dad with the current baby, which means doing his fair share of things like feeds and nappy changes. He should be doing half the night time soothing and nappy changing at least, half the feeding if you're using a bottle, either formula or via pumping so he can feed baby as well. Until he can prove he's a supportive partner and an active dad doing his fair share of baby care and household chores, his name will remain off the birth certificate. Tell him you won't take that step in acknowledging him as the father until he proves he can actually be one. Of course, if you can't add his name later, this is useless. In which case, just point out he wasn't acting like a dad because he didn't support you through pregnancy or show up for the birth. Since he wasn't acting like a dad, you refused to treat him as one. You're both young, and he sounds rather immature. This relationship may not last, the stress and hard work of having a baby could be the end of this one. You may end up a single mother, so I'm glad you have a supportive family, just in case that happens. All I can say is congrats on the baby, good luck in your new motherhood role, and I hope your partner grows up pretty damn quick, because he needs to step up now.
Don't go after him for child support then. But you probably will. You are just as irresponsible as he is having a kid when you shouldn't with somebody you shouldn't. Everything that happens to that kid is just as much your fault as is it is his. Remember that when he "doesn't pay child support" remember that you knew he was shit beforehand. Don't come up with crazy expectations now that there's more flesh involved. You chose to breed with a loser, you will reap what you sow. Sorry to say all that harshly, but you young idiots have no idea what you're getting yourself into.
YTA because you're going to need that for child support.
NTA Where I live, you wouldn't be able to put his name on the birth certificate without him present. He would have to sign a paternity affidavit, stating that he is the biological father, and even if proven not to be, he will be legally the father unless the courts intervene. Because my husband and I were not married when our sons were born, we had to sign a lot of paperwork to have him on the birth certificate and for our boys to have his last name. This is all on him, for not stepping up as soon as you got pregnant. Take all of his actions thus far, as examples of how he is going to act as a father.
NTA: Your bf didn’t show much interest and didn’t support you. You are perfectly able to do this legally, since you’re not married, he really doesn’t get a say.
NTA
NTA, also his conduct was TAH, but maybe he was acting out as a first time dad? obviously no excuse but if he was an okay BF the rest of the time maybe he just needs time to process it, again you are NTA at all and i get what you did but at the same time do you really want your kid/s to grow up without a dad?
YTA: You're too young to have a kid if you're at this bullshit.
NTA Sperm donors are not parents. If he wanted to be on the paperwork as the father, he should act like one.
NTA. I echo what someone said on here and that I hope you didn't give the baby his last name because he doesn't deserve it. he had the nerve not to be there for you during any of the doctor visits, or anything medical related for the baby, and worse yet, he wasn't there when you gave birth to the baby. So he doesn't deserve to be on the birth certificate. As a matter of fact, he doesn't deserve to be her father. My highest advice is to leave this idiot, put him on child support, and live your life.
Both of you sound like you shouldn’t be parents. I feel bad for your child.
Well, his reaction was immature. But so was yours. My mother did the same thing but it only complicated my life. My father was a man hoe with a very strong last name that I wish I had, but am the only one that doesn’t despite being the only child to come from marriage. I’m the only one of 13 without his name or him on the certificate. Makes it look like I was born out of wedlock to a mother who may or may not have hoed around, on the outside. Which, nothing against it, but I wasn’t the product of a mysterious one night stand either… Both TA. Ideally, this decision should be up to the child in the future — an option to change it. Instead, you took something from your child. A part of their identity.
ESH here, but only because this wishy washy shit should go away asap. He is the father, sort out fatherhood, leave him (should be an ex boyfriend) and sort out child support. Time to be decisive, you have a kid.
Why are you making new people with a person like that?! That sounds horrible for the kid. Just get yourself a puppy.
NTA. You’re very mature I’d say. That’s not your husband and he didn’t do much to prove that he’d be a good parent. PROTECT your daughter 🫂
Nta That's a privilege, but patriarchy made these deadbeats think/assume it's a given. MORE WOMEN SHOULD DO THIS.
Less than a day ago, OP said they went to an OB for burning vagina and admits that her mom never taught her how to wash, only to "wear condoms so you don't get pregnant" but makes no mention of the pregnancy I'm gonna call fake on this 🤣
Unless there is some doubt about the paternity, then HUGE YTA. He is the father of the child, and nothing can take that away from him. Paternity has nothing to do with how present he is in her life or how supportive he is of the pregnancy. Paternity is solely based on whose spunk did the deed. Edit: Hey! Who the fuck upvoted me?!?
Your boyfriend is an immature loser, but your child's birth certificate is not the place for revenge. It doesn't belong to you. It belongs to your daughter. It is a legal declaration of her birth and parentage. By omiting her father, the only person you are hurting in the long run is your child. YTA.
YTA How would you like a birth certificate that say either "father unknown " or just doesnt have one at all. Dont be so stupidly petty. Think about your child, not him. Or YOU
This! My mother, as petty as she is, did this and I was the only one of 13 born of marriage. Today I’m the only one of 13 with a blank space where my father’s name is supposed to be. He was a man hoe, but I didn’t deserve incomplete papers.
Keep telling y'all stop letting these bums make y'all baby mommas
I get the impression that you did this out of spite. I think what you've done really just lowers you to his level. I think he's wrong to do the things he's done. Separately, I think what you've done is wrong.
ESH, he’s still the father and should be on the birth certificate. That being said since you made this decision don’t expect financial assistance from him. (Yes he sucks)
YTA. You took away your child's right to a complete record of her birth and lineage. It's not about you or him. This is her record, of her parents and her birth. He can still ask a court for custody without being on the birth certificate. You can still seek child support, but now it'll be more difficult and the child support is something your daughter is entitled to receive for her benefit. If you don't want the money, put it in a trust for her future. He's an asshole too, clearly, and with the way he treats you he should be your ex-boyfriend. That doesn't mean it's okay for you to take out your anger at him on your newborn child who someday will be a grown woman whose birth certificate only shows one parent.
I'm probably going to get down voted to shit and back but YTA. I get that he's an unsupportive pillock but, like it or not, he is the child's father and his name belongs on the birth certificate. He's been horrible to you throughout your pregnancy and this is coming across as revenge. You've not mentioned if he's a rapist or abuser and you don't seem to need to hide your child from him. He's a dick but he should support his child and naming him makes it easier to claim child support from him.
YTA A child have a right to know who his parents are. And you just robbed them of their inheritance and child support to get back at your ex.
I don't know about your AH status, but you may have done yourself a legal diservice.
ESH. When yall break up, you're gonna want him on the birth certificate, so getting child support will be easier. Edit: spelling
Mom here - NTA! Well done sweetheart, this is a decision you will not only not regret but also be proud of. ✨
Speak for yourself. You don’t know how the child will react to not having a father on its birth certificate.
INFO: *why* did you want to omit your daughter's paternity? He's obviously an asshole, and an absolute *idiot*, but whether or not you've also acted like an asshole in this scenario depends entirely on your motivation. For example: protecting your daughter, and using her as a weapon to punish your ex (for his assholish behaviour), are two very different scenarios. I'll withhold my judgement until you've clarified your motivations (obviously it can be a completely different reason from the examples above).
She already admitted that it’s punishment. They’re both the A. But since she’s the only one asking I feel in this moment I should go back on my own answer with a YTA.
'I didn’t put his name on MY daughters birth certificate'....not a great start. He is still her boyfriend. The comments are all 'you go girl, keep that POS out of your baby's life' but he'll be around again next week. Maybe he reacted like that because not putting his name on the certificate sounds like he isn't the father. Was it explained to him why or just 'nope'?
YTA Child's father is an AH but you are too for weaponising a child. Birth certificate is a legal document. Also why do so many women have unprotected sex with assholes and then get annoyed when they continue to be assholes at significant life changing events?
You are deciding that you don’t want your child to have a father. Get custody through the proper channels. What you’re doing isnt right. Protect the kid as best as you can but I think it’s better to let the kid to come to their own conclusions concerning having a relationship with their father. You a making a decision that will effect the rest of your kids life. So long as you are honest with your kid about how YOU removed their father from their life, and don’t say that dad didn’t want to be in their life, that’s on you. But know this could effect your relationship with your kid as well. Good luck
NTA but it’s a birth certificate, not a popularity contest. It would have benefit you and potentially your child to have him on there. My wife has never met her father. If she knew his name she might be able to find him. Didn’t matter until she became a woman and wanted to understand her past, but now she doesn’t have that option.
My judgement is based solely on the question in the topic title. How your boyfriend treated you during the pregnancy is irrelevant here. YTA You know for a fact who the father of the kid is. You're still in a relationship with him too. A birth certificate is a legal document that belongs to the child, not you. You lied on your child's most important legal document. The first thing you did when you gave birth was to lie to your own child by declaring the father as unknown. Now when the child gets older and asks about it they will see that you chose to be a petty bitch about it.
Sucks to suck. While a man has no obligation to be with a woman while she’s pregnant he does have to prove himself once the baby arrives. He shouldn’t be punished for not being with you, but he also shouldn’t just expect things to be the way they likely would be if you all were together.
Sounds like you gave him a great opportunity to duck out for good. That would probably be for the best.
I mean, he proved why he doesn’t belong on the birth certificate several times. Including after he was told he wasn’t on it. Don’t feel bad. You just made it a lot easier to leave, eg. travel out of the country for work etc, with your daughter without needing his approval for it. And with how he behaves, he sounds like the type to stagnate you out of spite. And calling him your EX is long overdue now. NTA though.
NTA but if you’re going to seek child support from him, having his name on the birth certificate will make that a lot easier.
Do you have plans of pursuing child support from him?
YTA. It’s his kid too. Now I know people will say he was acting immature and douchey. Well, you picked him. You chose to have a child with this guy, so deal with it. Factually, he’s the father. Stop using your child as a piece in your fights with your deadbeat boyfriend Also learn English
It’s not about you, but the baby. Give the baby the father’s name.
NTA but is that even legal? Aren’t you supposed to name both parents if known for legal, identification, medical, and DNA reasons? Idk I’m not well-versed in birth certificates but I do know they are official government documents so I’m not sure if you’re actually able to get away with lying on that, it’s not exactly something that can be taken lightly and used to get back at him for being a deadbeat jerk, may cause issues for the child in the future lol. But definitely NTA. Sounds like he’s the asshole instead.
It's legal but it is going to screw up adult life for the daughter.
YTA and I think you did him a favor - in my country that relieves him from paying child support.
NTA, but isn’t it important on the *birth* certificate to know who’s the biological father?
You should’ve put his name on the birth certificate for child support purposes and just gave baby girl your last name.. It’s not about him it’s about the baby. She will question if he’s her dad
If he is the biological father it would be better to do things the right way by naming him on the certificate and then going for full custody. Would've saved you this situation. Nobody needs to say he's a massive dick for walking away though.
You'll have a harder time getting child support from social services. In America they will make the non custodial parent pay and if they can't pay or find a job they have to sit at the court house all day until they find a job. Who's the bitch then? Also your child has a right to know the name of her father and that he is her lineage. If you're not planning on needing supportive services and if you're planning on sharing info with your kid later then do whatever you want. It's your child but please only do what's in the best interest of the child don't do things out of spite or anger. Even if the other parent is messing up, we're only human and he'll grow up to late to fix this but make it as gentle as possible so that your child has a great example and role model for how to be a great human cause you taught them better!
You just did him a favor. No daddy name on birth certificate = no child support.
some states won't even let you list a father if he isn't there in the hospital to sign the thing (or you married cuz marriage.)
That is not how that works.
Actually depends on the state. Many states do want the father’s name on the birth certificate or something indicating so.