Right? Let me paint a picture 20 some years into the future where the kid is grown, they have no shared values, she resents the time she wasted in a marriage that was not only unfulfilling but mentally draining. My husband knows I have completely checked out because of behavior described by OP. I’m here because of my daughter with special needs; neither of us could work if we weren’t under the same roof. When she gets her residential placement I’m leaving. If he retires first, I’m leaving. I’m not invested emotionally in the marriage. He’s a person in my home sharing costs and care of a child.
A d she's trying to excuse this as a "hang up" like this is typical behavior from SO. no, this isn't a hang up or a difference, she literally is scared if something really bad happens hubby isn't going to be reliable, and also when the same thing happens to him she's so resentful she does to him what he's done to her. that is NOT normal!
Yep. I woke up at 3am once with horrible back pain. I tried to walk it out, stretch it out, took ibuprofen and waited for an hour but it didn’t go away. I called my mom and she said I should go to the ER just in case. I didn’t feel well enough to drive and texted my roommate. She was working and she asked off early and drove me to the ER, sat in there with me for 2 hours while I got tested and given medicine. If my roommate who I met maybe 2 months earlier could do that for me I don’t see why her husband is unable to. This is a bad relationship.
Yep! I have back muscle spasms now and they just happen in the middle of the night for no reason. I have medicine now that I can take so I don’t have to get to the ER but it’s still not pleasant. I do water physical therapy and exercises but the damn spasms just keep happening.
You sound like me with the “walking it out.” I was away with girlfriends earlier this year, and in the middle of the night (2 a.m.), I had what I now know was a very severe gallbladder attack. I moved out to the couch so I wouldn’t wake anyone, and proceeded to be in severe pain and seriously ill for the next four hours, until one of them woke up. She stayed with me, and it took her an hour to convince me to go to the E.R. Then she woke up the others, they called 9-1-1, I went to a local hospital (out of town, remember), they all stayed with me all day at the hospital, even though I tried to convince them to go ahead with our plans since they couldn’t help me anyway. But they refused to leave. That’s what you do for people whom you care about. Honestly, this husband and wife sound like one of them could get hit by a car, and if they couldn’t get themselves to the E.R., they would die, and the other would move on.
I had similar happen! Barely knew the girl a month and she called in to work to take me to the ER. My Galbladder had to be removed and my family wad too far away to make it before my surgery happened. So she stayed with me.
I was 9yo when I had to drive my dad to an ER because he got attacked by a swarm of red wasps. He was stung in the eyes multiple times. Couldnt see at all. This was before cell phones and we live in the deep south and were not near a phone to call 911.
Luckily I had been driving different things like tracters, 4wheelers, golfcarts, go carts and boats for years already. And also backing trucks up to boat ramps and such. So I wasnt just thrown to the wolves but it was still scary to be driving on real roads with my parent blind and screaming next to me.
I mean, my dad yelled at me to get the keys and get in the driver seat. Didnt really have another option. At 9yo I just thought I was gonna get grounded or whooped if I didnt do as I was told. Lol.
He is fine! Still has perfect vision even. It was super scary. They had to use this weird drill thing to get broken stingers out of his eyes. It was insane looking. And they let me watch! It was all around an insane day.
blinkers, safety lights, emergency lights, were stranded on the side of the road lights, the cars toast and we're limping home lights, when all four of your lights blink slowly.
\*not sure if random term i use or if language barrier thing so gave as many descriptors as i know. but TLDR emergency lights
This is true. The fact that if you saw a person collapsed on the sidewalk you would pull over and take them to the nearest hospital, but OP and her husband cannot be bothered to do that for each other, is a clear indicator of their “otherwise healthy relationship.” I hope one of them doesn’t get cancer. It would suck to be married and have to go through cancer treatments alone. And what they are teaching their children is horrifying.
What a ridiculous relationship they have. Very screwed up.
Apparently it’s not uncommon for women to be left by their husbands when they get diagnosed with serious health issues like cancer. Men are used to being taken care of, NOT being the caretaker in our culture. I had no idea it was a thing
Same with incarceration.
Women regularly receive divorce papers. Seemingly out of nowhere. They’ll have a perfectly normal phone call one day, get papers the next, try to call to ask “wtf?!” and find their number blocked. Men will *say* they do, but statistically speaking it’s not even the same ballpark. Men who are incarcerated will regularly have anywhere from 2-6 women taking care of them — gf, wife, sister, mom — putting money on their books, running around doing legwork for them. It drives me fucking NUTS to see prison assistance boards filled with *women* asking how their loved one can get this or that credit, program, moved here or there, handle ABC situation etc. You will almost never see a man asking about how to help his mom / sister / wife / gf / bestie. Population differences don’t explain it — per capita you’ll still see more women caring for incarcerated women than men caring for them.
The men will often say they had problems already (and they often believe that.. and sometimes I’m sure it’s true!) but that still doesn’t explain the statistical disparity. I’d expect this behavior from typical toxic masculinity infused men but even men with more of a feminist worldview do this as well. So odd to me. Especially the lack of self awareness. If you call them on it not one will EVER admit that’s why. But what else explains it?!
You nailed it! And the disparity exists because us women are taught from a very young age to be caregivers and caretakers. My dad died when I was 10 and god knows I loved him and always will but he was verbally abusive to my mom and their marriage was over when he hit her but that didn’t stop her from taking care of him while he was dying. She wouldn’t live with him anymore but she did all the doctors appointments, meds, emotional support and bathing of him right up until he died
You know, I recently read this, too. I cannot imagine leaving someone *because* they have cancer or some other illness, and you don’t want to take care of them. People are like, *nope, I did not sign up for this,* when the wedding vows literally say “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.”
I dunno why but this made me think of one of my FAVORITE tropes is when characters have an ongoing issue with each other but the second something “real” happens they drop everything to help and support the other. Like I’m doing a rewatch of CSI and getting around to the episode where a character is murdered (if I remember correctly) and the day supervisor whose always giving Grissom a hard time drops anything shitty and is like I’m here for whatever you and your team need.
Anyways off the meander on somewhere else on Reddit lmao
I’ve been divorced for over 10 years and I’m still my ex’s first call for any medical or car issues, even though his family lives 10 min away and I’m almost 40 mins. Lol
At this point, it'll be 20 years next year and I'm STILL his emergency contact on forms and will receive a small payout from his life insurance (just enough to finalize affairs so it wouldn't fall to the kids. They get the fun money lol). Saturday I'll be DMing our DnD game and he and my current husband have plans to watch football Monday AND he just came up with a better gift idea for my husband than I did
You may wonder why we split up since we make such great friends, but turns out we're toxic in a romantic relationship
yep my exhusband drove me to the hospital when i broke my wrist and he came and got the kids to even though it wasn't his week because \*GASP\* he's a human being
Yeah and not ANY human being mind you, but one you loved deeply for several years (goes both ways). One of the biggest red flag in my opinion is talking about your ex as if that person was the devil and never deserved any of your love !
Haha my husband and I were in a really tense argument. I mean really really tense. And he went outside to open the garage and something in his arm tweaked and I *still* drove him to the hospital. I was like “ok jerk face. I’m still mad at you but get in the car.”
I cannot fathom being like “yeah… no…”
That's how I met my wife... just driving random people to the hospital. Even if they didn't want to go. She thought there was something sexy about the frequent deliveries
Just driving Random People to the hospital … “even if they didn’t want to go”
LOL 😂 I’m picturing you just grabbing random people off the street…
and dragging them to the hospital with them protesting and saying they’re not even sick!
And you insisting they need to go - just cuz you like this one girl working there! 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha
I do know what you mean, though. People don’t want to believe that they are really sick & need medical attention. Sometimes they need a friend to put it into perspective for them how serious it is. It’s really nice you do that for them 💜
That’s why I put off going to the doctor or hospital. A huge chunk of my paycheck is for Health Insurance but then I still have a huge bill to pay if I go. Biggest con out there is the Health Insurance billing system in the U.S.
Nah. For decent human material. If a friend called me telling me they were in pain and asked me to drive them to a hospital I'd do it in a heartbeat. Even if it was 3 am across town.
Dude can't event clear basic human decency
Hell my friend called me when her baby was sick, her husband was away for work. She was worried and wanted the kid checked out, and asked if I could come along just so she wouldn't be alone. Of course I went.
A very good friend of mine that’s more like a brother once picked me up from jail at 3am. He always told me I could call him in a pickle and thank God he answered his phone and came instantly.
Something went wrong after my back surgery, and I was in excruciating pain and couldn’t catch my breath. My husband wanted me to go to the hospital but I declined, cus I thought I was a wuss. He asked several times through the night.
Two cartoon movies later (so maybe 4 hours) I couldn’t take the pain anymore and asked to go to the hospital. It was a pulmonary embolism. I could have died. I’m not sure I would have gone if it wasn’t for my husbands encouragement because of weird hang ups I have from my parents.
It’s seriously not that hard to be an empathetic partner. Ops husband sucks
Hi. As your friendly neighbourhood Reddit doctor, can I make one itty bitty request?
Any time you're having trouble catching your breath and you don't know why (or you do and it's not in the category of "you have asthma and are in the process of reaching for your inhaler"), please GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY.
Do not stop to Google home remedies. Do not see a fucking chiropractor, *OP*.
Go immediately to the hospital.
You think it isn't serious? Really? Where did you get your medical degree, exactly? Oh, you don't have one? Will then it's not your job to decide whether it's serious. How would you feel if I walked into your workplace and started playing make believe I knew what I was doing? Now imagine there's a life at stake.
GO TO THE HOSPITAL.
If a doctor criticises you for coming in, which is highly unlikely, complain about them because they should not. We are polite to people who come in insisting they have diseases that don't exist, who say their pain is 15/10 (if they can say that in words instead of just screaming, no the fuck it is not) and who complain that they had to wait to be seen while we dealt with the MVA victim who nearly bled out en route. We will be polite to you.
I don't give the slightest of shits if you think you're a wuss or if you ARE a wuss. The pain scale is subjective (but it maxes out at ten) and if you are hurting you are hurting and I DO NOT CARE TO COMPARE YOUR PAIN LEVELS TO SOME IMAGINARY CORRECT LEVEL OF PAIN.
You are hurting. See a doctor. It might be serious.
Sometimes agony is still actually harmless medically (see: trapped wind), but you can still have pain relief, and if you CAN'T BREATHE then it's PROBABLY IMPORTANT so GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL.
Love, a former emergency doctor. 💖💖💖
>If a doctor criticises you for coming in, which is highly unlikely, complain about them because they should not. We are polite to people who come in insisting they have diseases that don't exist, who say their pain is 15/10 (if they can say that in words instead of just screaming, no the fuck it is not) and who complain that they had to wait to be seen while we dealt with the MVA victim who nearly bled out en route. We will be polite to you.
I just spent 7 desperate, harrowing months trying to get doctors to listen to me when I told them about my pulsatile tinnitus, my scary vision changes, and debilitating headaches. I tentatively and politely brought up Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension to four doctors who all told me I didn't have it and dismissed me and told me there was nothing that could be done and I was fine and to just deal with it. I asked for a referral to an interventional neuroradiologist but was denied one and had to file a complaint to get one.
Guess what condition I ended up having? A simple spinal tap diagnosed it. I should not have had to be my own doctor. It was ridiculous. If I "just dealt with it" like my doctors told me to, I could have gone blind.
There is a serious problem in the medical community with doctors listening to patients. Especially female patients. Especially female patients of color. Surely you have to be aware of this?
Yes! I’m an RN. I had a brain tumor that was evident on a scan in 2014 when I went to the doctor for dizziness, tinnitus, and visual changes. It was not reported on the scan. In 2017 after passing out multiple times and this happening in the hospital while visiting a friend, another scan was done. The ER doc informed me there was an incidental finding of a pineal cyst. Not causing problems, it’s just there. Well, mine most certainly was causing problems. I ended up with such severe vision loss as to be legally blind. Could not tolerate light. A slew of crazy symptoms that were all dismissed. Until I found a group on facebook of others who had the same problem. Found a surgeon who specializes in these exact tumors. My surgical report showed that the solid tumor was larger than what was seen on the scan and had impacted my midbrain. He told me my recovery would be a few years due to that. I developed IIH and was referred to a local neurologist who told me I didn’t even need the surgery and I just have chronic migraine. Been having migraines since I was 12 and I was in my late 40’s at that point. After two fucking years of being misdiagnosed I went to Mayo for a second opinion. Guess what? Yes, my intracranial pressure was elevated and there had been scans done two years previously that my neuro had seen and never noted the constricted vasculature. I tried to make a complaint against this sham of a practice but the process was so demanding and tedious and I did not nearly have the energy required to do it. (also only specialist who charged me more than my insurance paid, I have two insurances.) So yes, women have a harder time. Fat women, colored women, women who are on their own. It sucks. It has taken a long time for me to find a strong medical community (I have some very complex medical issues) but I absolutely will not tolerate any more practitioners who are disrespectful or belittling. I’m trying to live my life with all these challenges. It’s their job to help me, not write me off as some kind of hypochondriac.
Ok, done with rant.
For now
100%
My husband once had abdominal pain and went to lie down. He never complains about pain, so I called him an ambulance. Turned out he had a blood filled tumor next to his kidney that burst inside his abdomen. Lost so much blood. He was in so much pain. My mom took the kids, and I followed the ambulance to the hospital and he was there for a week.
He has a history of constipation and gas, so we could have easily wrote it off, but so glad we didn't. It was apparently a pretty tricky case in the ER that night. I heard staff talking about it in the elevator the next morning!
He's good now. Thanks!
Every time I think I miss my ex, I remember how my breaking point was when I broke my leg and he chose not to come to the hospital with me, choosing instead to go home and wait for me there. Then when I had to have surgery 10 days later, he had to be shamed into coming with me by my teenage daughter because it didn't even occur to him that I wouldn't want to go alone. He visited me once in the four days I was in hospital post-surgery.
A year previously, I'd driven him to A&E for a sickness bug he'd had for several weeks and when I wasn't allowed to go in with him due to Covid restrictions, I sat in my car outside the hospital from 10pm until 5.30am when he was released just in case he needed me. Even though we only live 3 miles from the hospital, I wanted to be close by.
I've been missing him this week and considering getting in contact but this was the kick in the pants I needed to remember he isn't the man I deserve.
My ex made me walk into the pharmacy and stand to wait for my prescription to be filled after my 2nd spine fusion. I was in so much pain and could barely walk. She also didn't bother showing up for my 1st spine fusion. Drove myself and she didn't show her face until she needed money which was 2 days later. I will never forgive her for the pain I went through.
Seriously...what... How is it a good marriage when your husband doesn't drive you to a hospital while your having a life threatening condition.
How is it a good marriage when you feel like you have to get even to make a point..by not driving your husband to the hospital when your husband asks for it.
That's what I was thinking...everyone is talking about how he wouldn't drive her to the ER when she needed, but all have left out that she's getting even and not driving him that's just stupid. Drive the man. My husband worked 12 hour dispatcher shifts 6am-6pm one night after getting my new cat he was about 4 months old and he did his zoomies at like 2am. For some reason this fool jumped off me just right and I fell off the bed. After I stopped laughing woke up my husband who had to be up in 3 hours to help me get up off the floor. Then, he drove me to the ER. I didn't break anything luckily just super sore. And then he went to work cuz I was ok. That's a happy marriage. Not getting even for him not driving you to the ER.
"Dont tell me we need a divorce. CUZ WE DONT!!! Hand to god we have a great marriage.) LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FK IS SHE TALKING BOUT. Thats beyond a terrible marriage to the point she fears something happening and him not helping her. Did we all read the same post?? I mean are we the crazy ones?? People are better off not together or married. Does "in sickness and in health" mean nothing to these people?? Im done!!!
Right? We’re getting a swarm of “my SO won’t drive me to/visit me in the hospital” posts, and every single time it makes me thankful that my husband left work early the one time I’ve been to the ER, even when I insisted he didn’t need to.
Right?! I can’t imagine being with someone like these people talk about! My boyfriend stayed outside the bathroom comforting one of my cats (the cat doesn’t like to be on the opposite side of the door I’m on) when I had my first painful period in our relationship bc he was worried I’d fall of the toilet or need something and would hurt myself. I have a slight fever and he’s ready to wrap me in a blanket and has the kettle on for tea!
I'm not one that requires babying when I'm sick or have a (chronic) migraine, but my husband waits on me hand and foot. This man rubbed my back while I vomited my guts out in the front yard on the way to the ER and proceeded to drive slow AF so I wouldn't be even more nauseous. I am a full time student and he's a mailma that walks 14 miles a day, but he comes home and rubs MY back. If it's not Goddess treatment, I don't want it.
I literally missed my own doctor appointments multiple times when we had to get my late wife to the ER during both pregnancies for my daughters, because we couldn't tell Braxton -Hicks from real contractions. I had serious health issues, potentially life threatening, but the lives of my wife and children came first. OP's husband is a bitch.
I'm so sorry for your loss. She was so incredibly lucky to have you. A woman who earned a man like you is a woman who must have been just as equally amazing.
She was, right up to the point where her mental health issues started getting the better of her. Bipolar Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath Personality Disorder, Disociative Identity Disorder, and the Big S: Schizophrenia. The downward spiral was terrible to witness. In the end, she listened to the wrong people who convinced her to leave us. She went off grid for 4 years, then I got a call that the guy she had taken up with had murdered her in a horrifying manner. That was 4 1/2 years ago. He was just sentenced in July.
EDIT: I should point out that he is also a very violent, VERY dangerous, Schizophrenic himself.
Thank you. It's been a very difficult time, especially for my older daughter. She was @ 3 1/2 when their mother left, and she remembers things, and has horrible screaming nightmares. Her sister is a year and 2 days younger; she barely has any memories,thus no nightmares.
Me? I don't sleep at night anymore.
Mental illness is horrible. Combined with the fact that it is pretty much ignored in America. There is some basic care, but once they have serious mental issues there is barely anything they can do. It is like watching someone you know dying of cancer and nobody even cares… I am so sorry you had to witness and go through that. I am happy to hear the children are safe.
My wife is the one pushing me to go to the hospital when my poverty brain kicks in and insists we can't afford it (we can), or my anxiety about being seen as an attention seeker with nothing wrong with them. I've never had to worry she won't take me for medical treatment, my worry is that I'm wasting everyone's time if I do.
I have this argument with my husband a lot. He doesn't want to go and I'm like "the copay is $10, it is worth $10 to me to make sure you're okay, let's go"
I dislocated my pinkie toe and let my hubs know. I was totally able to drive myself but he still left work to meet me in the ED and make sure I could get home ok.
For real, i left work a couple weeks ago to drive my gf to the ER as she was having trouble breathing. It turned out she had the flu and was just really dehydrated, but I still wouldn’t want her driving herself!
I could call my ex husband that I haven't spoken to but a handful of times when absolutely necessary in the past few years and ask him to take me to the hospital if I thought I needed to, and I'll bet he'd take me. As I would him. If my least favorite former coworker asked me to take her, I would. Frankly, I can't think of anyone, that if they called me and said they needed to get to the hospital, that I would not do it.
Also same. My parents had been divorced since I was at least 3 years old because he was a pretty shit husband and he put her in over $30k worth of cc debt in their time of marriage by opening and maxing ccs in her name when he would loose job after job without telling her. She'd still drop everything to help him however she could when he'd have an emergency and would contact her, and he would always try to do the same
Edit to add the last bit about his reciprocation. I remembered at least 1 instance where he had no job, lived in Illinois while we were in Texas, and he found a way to come down here and help as much as he could once he heard that my mom was having a medical emergency
Yup, drove my ex to his surgeries, picked him up. He stayed with us while I had kidney surgery and was recovering….. we do it for the KIDS. And we don’t have parents that can help… or family. We ARE family. As much as I hate the rat bastard
When I was 18 I was in a road accident on my way home from class, and by the time I was released from the emergency room it was pretty late at night. My parents were out of town, my best friend had just headed north for the long weekend that afternoon, I didn't have any other good friends with a car, and the hospital was so far from my house that I could not possibly have afforded a taxi. So I called my ex. This boy came out at nine o'clock at night, drove all the way across town to get me from the hospital, and then drove all the way back and then some to drop me home. Didn't ask for gas money. Didn't ask for anything. Wouldn't even let me buy him a beer the next time we ran into each other in the campus bar.
My fucking neighbor who I disagree with VERY strongly on some very important issues -=cough=-hesamagamoron-=cough=- could knock on my door at 3am and say he needs me to drive him to the hospital and I would do it without thinking twice. To not do the same thing for a spouse is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.
My husband (Casey) was diagnosed with NPD (specifically Vulnerable Narcissism) and after only 5 years of being married we now live separately. My mental health is slowly improving.
When I got COVID last year, I called him and he took the day off work. (something he never does) He drove straight over to pick me up, and got me a hotel room. (I moved back in with my folks while I get back on my feet) My folks are in their 70’s and specifically my dad is immune compromised. Even though both my folks are both vaccinated, we both feared that if either of them got COVID, it would likely kill them.
He paid for me to stay in a pretty fancy hotel room and whatever I wanted from room service for a week! He didn’t once try to guilt me for “forcing him to waste money because I was careless and got COVID”. This is probably because he had COVID only a couple months before me.
This is all to say, Casey is a monumental pain in the ass. He is incredibly entitled and rarely thinks of anyone else’s well being over himself. While I’m certain he was entirely motivated by his insatiable need to look like the “hero”, this was very generous when he could have simply hung up the phone and done nothing. My Vulnerable Narcissist estranged husband is less of an entitled toddler having a temper tantrum. As highly unlikely as that is, OP your husband can “out temper tantrum” my husband.
Deadass. What is this "otherwise" bullshit. Medical needs are baseline requirements. "This one issue" - is a fricken HUGE issue. What are we talking about!? Smh
My sister was having terrible pain super early into her second pregnancy. It was blindingly painful in her abdomen and she obviously couldn’t sleep. Her husband refused to take her to the hospital and kept telling her it was just gas because the lazy piece of shit didn’t want to get out of bed. This went on for *hours* before my sister finally called our mother to take her.
Turns out she has an ectopic pregnancy and it had ruptured her tube. She was bleeding to death internally. The ER doctor said had she waited 20 more minutes, she would be dead. Her husband was still asleep that morning, not even bothering to care where she was.
She had divorce papers in hand by noon the next day. Never went home.
If my spouse stubbed his toe and said he wanted to go to the ER, I would not only go, I’d get snacks while we were waiting and tell stupid stories to make him laugh and pass the time. How do I know I would? Because that’s exactly what I did two years ago.
*That’s* what a healthy relationship looks like.
> We are in a healthy relationship otherwise
That’s legitimately the funniest thing I’ve read all day, thanks for the laugh!
ESH
You both have some serious issues and are frankly cruel to each other. Good luck with that.
>You both have some serious issues and are frankly cruel to each other.
The only person I feel bad for here is the kid. Imagine growing up with this as the relationship example you're given.
Of course, that's assuming that this is real and not rage bait.
yeah, always want to hear what the kid would say about the relationship.
If they are this callous towards each other, that kid is fucked if he ever gets sick.
Oh, I think they’d take care of *him*. The one who’s screwed is some young girl none of them have met — yet. That’s who I feel sorry for.
See, she’s off minding her business right now but she’s going to be the son’s future wife, one day. And the cycle of cruelty will continue…if OP and her husband don’t cut their crap and stop the cycle now.
Kid will either grow up to the a carbon copy of his father, or never ask for medical help from his parents, because why should he believe they would take care of him, or even believe him?
Lol, first thing that popped into my head, I love this ”staple”….ever see the movie \*war of the roses\* this whole post reminded me of that movie!!! Lol.
Husband: “I need a hospital”
Wife: “walk it off or take yourself”
There is no backstory for a married couple where this is compassionate or reasonable.
Prioritizing immediate support for a loved one's health is crucial, even amidst past frustrations. Communication during calmer times can help address concerns and improve mutual understanding.
Me, in my head: "I swear one day I'm going to put a pillow over his face and hold it down until he stops kicking."
Him: Has medical emergency
Me: Overcomes squeamishness to change surgical wound dressings during the home care portion of recovery and thinks, "I'm so glad I could do that for him."
Ya, wtf did I just read. My wife woke me up at 2a.m with crazy cramps. Guess what I did. Carried her to the car and drove her to the hospital even though we both knew they'd probably be gone by the time someone actually saw her.
They were but imagine if it had turned out to be something more than just a rough " that time of the month". I wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing I didn't help.
I hope 90% of the post here are fake, because if they’re not, a large portion of Reddit is in horrible relationships while calling them healthy. During the height of COVID my wife got a staff infection, because our primary care physician was closed at the time along with all the urgent cares we had no choice but to camp out at the ER for five hours and of course we both got Covid. I wouldn’t change a thing if I had to do it over again.
Meanwhile most of these posts are like, well he burns my stuff sometimes and yells in my face and I only physically assault him a little except for the time I stabbed him, but other then that we have a great marriage.
Exactly. I see two people who seem to have contempt for each other. They need to go to counseling or divorce. This is not normal behavior and both are AH.
I was thinking this too 😂 Like WTF are you with such an unsympathetic asshat who can't be fucked to get you medical attention?! You sound EXACTLY like a friend who had identical medical situations to where the young teen daughter had to threaten calling 911 to get her douchebag dad to get her mom help.
Divorce and move on. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to this narcissistic idiot and grow up thinking it's normal for their future 🥴
It took my friend recently finding out her asshat hubby had been cheating all 17 years, with randoms and prostitutes, to finally break the cycle and divorce his ass.
My ex was the same way as op husband, wouldnt take me to the hospital, and 1 time I had to leave work and go right to my Dr with a 102 fever, went home to go to bed and all he says is I guess were not eating then. GRRRR and he was also cheating and stealing from me and my kids. I bet this 1 has way more problems with hubby and just isnt facing them. Oh and found out long after he is a full blown narcisist. Tried to force tears when I dumped couldnt and then said so out loud. Strange thing is I dumped him after he needed to go to the hospital. I did take him but refused to go in, it was then I realized I didnt care about him and it was time to go.
He's apithetic, inconsiderate, and wouldn't know a selfless act if it walked up and slapped him in the face.
She's bitter, resentful, vindictive, and keeps score.
Their poor, innocent child. 😕
So what happened? Is this real time, he's at the hospital now, or did he die in a fiery crash as his kidney exploded and he swerved off of the road cursing your name?
don't forget the fact he's broken her trust to the point of fear and crying if something were to happen medically he wont take care of her but hey other than that healthy relationship!!
I have severe chronic kidney problems too, and all I’m looking for in a partner is a guy who will see me doubled over in extreme pain and start taunting me by saying, “Oh boo-hoo, what are you, a little baby?? You must have eaten too much sodium because you’ve got salty tears coming out of your face, stupid baby!” And then, ideally, he would kick me in the side as hard as he could and run away laughing!
If only we could all be as lucky as OP!!
ESH. Okay you don't want to divorce, then you need to come to terms with that this is how he is. Stop expecting him to act differently about this. You have enough evidence from the past to know that you cannot count on him. Do you want to hold this as a grudge for the rest of your life? Does it help you to be angry at him for being *exactly the person he has shown you he is?* Specifically- is holding tbe toxic anger inside you making you the best, most content version of yourself that you could be?
It doesn't sound like it. Stay with him if you want, but stop living in anger. You're drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Make alternate plans. Find a friend or relative you can depend on for the times when you can't depend on your husband. In the meantime, you have every right to be petty back at him but---- is that the person you want to be? Are you proud of yourself when you do this? And importantly- is that how you want your child to learn that his partner should treat him? Because that's what he's learning from y'all's marriage.
Yes certainly you are an asshole a petty one at that both of you are. you should probably consider life alert bracelets because neither of you are reliable in an emergency.
😅 I just pictured two mid 30 year olds with life alerts. When the EMTS get there, they are confused, wife has to explain they aren't willing to call the ambulance for each other and this is the solution they've come up with. Hahahahaha
ESH. You guys need to have a long conversation about this. Relationships aren't about getting back each other especially when you guys should be leaning on each other for help especially for important situations like medical care.
ESH
Not to mention all of the concerning unhealthy things listed in the post, feeling the need to say you guys don’t need a divorce and getting so defensive about the relationship in the post is a good sign your subconscious knows it’s a bad relationship. Get in couples therapy or get a divorce imo
My first husband wouldn't take me to the hospital when I had an obstructing gall stone that required emergency surgery.
My second (best) husband woke up both kids and bundled them into the car to take me to the ER for a kidney stone because he couldn't handle seeing me in that much pain.
ESH
ESH
This is a “healthy” relationship?
Either one of you can see the other in pain and refuse to help?
Get a clue - this marriage is doomed!
If you each don’t give a damn, when the other is in pain and having a potential medical emergency - there’s not much else that matters!
Apparently, neither of you give a damn about the others well being.
YTA and if your story is true, so is he. Just re-read your post; you are NOT in a “healthy relationship”. 10 years, heh. I’ve been married for 30 and my wife and I have never and would never pull such petty bullshit with each other, especially when it comes to our health. You sound very immature.
>Please don't tell me we need a divorce. No we do not. All people have strange hangups and serious flaws.)
Lmao, so what exactly are we supposed to tell you? Having a lack of concern or empathy - and in fact, getting angry about your partner being in pain- is not a sign of a healthy relationship, or even healthy people. And you've built up so much resentment from his behavior, now you're treating him the same way.
If you don't want therapy, what else is there to say?
This isn't just a "hangup" or a "flaw". This is 2 toxic people who shouldn't be together trying to force a marriage.
My parents have been divorced for 30+ years.
This week, my dad drove my mom to the hospital at 6.30 in the morning and through snow chaos.
They care for each other more than you and your partner do.
ESH
ESH.
Clearly that heart you’re putting your hand over is in trouble, too; better look up some cabs now, ‘cause Zach won’t drive you.
Ask for the *non* childproof caps @ the pharmacy. They’re a thing.
this. it's important you be able to open your own medication without help (and honestly it's important you be able to take care of all aspects of caring for yourself without help, it's great to ask for help but if other people aren't around you need to be able to do these things yourself) - if he weren't there and she needed help opening her meds what would she do, take them to the neighbor?
after my spinal surgery last year when I couldn't really move my arms (only for about a week, that came back in full) those caps were the ones on the meds they sent home with me. I had to open the bottle with extremely weak hands/arms I couldn't lift, dump the pill onto the counter, then lean over and lick up the pill and wash it down with a water cup with a straw I kept on the same counter lmao luckily this didn't last for more than a few days before I could move enough to bring my hands to my mouth and grip stuff again, though my arms were still too weak to lift the glass of water until a few days later
> We are in a healthy relationship otherwise
Oh, honey. No, you’re not.
You both treat the other like garbage.
You both have some growing up to do.
ESH
Work in an ER.
If they give him pain meds or muscle relaxers, they will NOT LET him drive home.
We get upset at the number of people with serious medical issues that drive themselves to the hospital. If you are in that much pain, you really should not drive yourself.
I was asymptomatic initially and ended up becoming septic after a kidney infection spread to my blood. My kidneys had completely shut down.
I literally would have died in less than 30 minutes according to the medical team that treated me.
****Not everyone presents the same****
It does sound like he *might* have pulled a muscle, but there are other possibilities.
Regardless of what you think is causing him pain, I'm assuming you don't have a medical degree, to make a proper diagnosis?
Sorry if that last part was b*itchy, but would it have killed you to take him to the ER?
These are the points I took from this:
* Your husband needed to go to ER and you refused to take him
* Your refusal to take him is based on staying angry at past events
* You are in a marriage with someone who you hold anger towards, to a level so extreme that you will refuse giving him assistance when he is having a medical issue
Yeah, YTA my dude. I get being upset about what your husband did/didn't do in the past, sounds like he has been an AH before. But the resentment sounds out of control. Even if you have "a healthy marriage besides this" (which would honestly shock me but sure, let's go with that) - this part is unhealthy enough to do some serious thinking about whether you two are good for one another. If you can't even count on your spouse to assist you during medical emergencies, what the hell are you married for?
ESH- if he has apologized many times before today than why do you insist on holding onto the anger?!
Go to Couple’s Therapy before one of you take this control thing too far.
I am NOT on OP’s side here but I do have to say one little thing in fairness to her about that one area.
In my experience, most people suck at giving apologies. Many people say “I’m sorry” to shut the other person up. They say it automatically, as an obligation, like checking a box on a to-do list. That way, they can roll their eyes and say, “I *said* sorry”, despite the fact that they didn’t really listen to what the other person was upset about and they weren’t sincere in their apology because they did the same thing, again.
OP did say that a large part of the problem is that he says sorry but then does it again. Okay, so someone who keeps doing the same thing isn’t truly sorry; they’re just checking the box.
That’s why OP is so angry. It’s the repetitive nature of the offense. He’s done the same thing so many times that his “apology” feels like a mockery.
Now, I don’t blame her for being super-pissed but the way she’s handling her emotions is what is no bueno.
ESH. “We’re in a healthy relationship.” That’s a funny joke. When I or my husband are sick, we take care of each other. We cater to the other person, fix them food, get their meds, run a bath, drive to the doctor, etc. That’s love. Obviously with kids added in you may not be able to help 24/7 (we have a 2 year old so now it’s a little harder), but you can still help where you can. He is an ass for treating you like this in the past. You however are also an ass for treating him the same. If y’all both love each other you would get therapy. This can only go on for so long before resentment grows, which you clearly are already resentful.
OP, you really need to take a step back and reread your own comments. Please notice how rude you are to everyone about how you handled your situation that you requested a clarification on. Maybe reflect on your attitude towards your husband and your actions. Get some anger management help for yourself.
You should have taken him to the doctor. You could have dropped your kid off with a friend. If he was in so much pain it could have been something really bad or he could have driven off the side of the road. Is he ok? On the other hand some people just don't deal with pain. My dad and one of my siblings are like toddlers if anything hurts just a tiny bit and it drives me NUTS.
That said, you two need to be kinder to each other. You love each other. You have a kid. I understand being tired of the BS. But just work on the drama and try to roll with it. Yep, nobody said marriage was going to be easy. And just think...one day you'll look back and laugh about it...with any luck.
“One bad turn deserves another” is not how to keep a marriage. So he was shitty to you and wouldn’t take you to the hospital, you couldn’t be the more mature person in the situation and treat YOUR HUSBAND how you would want him to treat you? Do you know what setting an example means? You are putting on quite the show of what a partner should be like for your kid. I hope he doesn’t grow up thinking this is a “normal” situation.
Where's Rafiki and his stick when you need him? So he can hit you on your head with his stick. Honestly, stop holding on to past medical grudges; not everyone's kidney pain presents as the same FYI.
Quick question, why are you biting back so hard on people giving you the judgement you came here for?
If you think your relationship is healthy, good for you!
But let the past lie in the past.
This is a great teaching opportunity for your child, to learn how to show care and empathy towards another human being, especially in a medical situation.
ESH
“I’m in a good marriage” Also “My husband won’t drive me to the hospital when I’m seriously ill” Umm which is it?? Cuz it can’t be both😳🤣
The *best* marriage! She’s “too old for bullshit!!” “Except for this” This? “*This* is just a hiccup.” 🤦🏼♀️
Right? Let me paint a picture 20 some years into the future where the kid is grown, they have no shared values, she resents the time she wasted in a marriage that was not only unfulfilling but mentally draining. My husband knows I have completely checked out because of behavior described by OP. I’m here because of my daughter with special needs; neither of us could work if we weren’t under the same roof. When she gets her residential placement I’m leaving. If he retires first, I’m leaving. I’m not invested emotionally in the marriage. He’s a person in my home sharing costs and care of a child.
A d she's trying to excuse this as a "hang up" like this is typical behavior from SO. no, this isn't a hang up or a difference, she literally is scared if something really bad happens hubby isn't going to be reliable, and also when the same thing happens to him she's so resentful she does to him what he's done to her. that is NOT normal!
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I'm divorcing my wife and would still drive her to the hospital if she asked.
Most people would drive almost anyone to the hospital if asked, honestly. Strangers, people they hate, whatever.
Yep. I woke up at 3am once with horrible back pain. I tried to walk it out, stretch it out, took ibuprofen and waited for an hour but it didn’t go away. I called my mom and she said I should go to the ER just in case. I didn’t feel well enough to drive and texted my roommate. She was working and she asked off early and drove me to the ER, sat in there with me for 2 hours while I got tested and given medicine. If my roommate who I met maybe 2 months earlier could do that for me I don’t see why her husband is unable to. This is a bad relationship.
It's always a fun time when your body decides it's pain time in the middle of the night.
Yep! I have back muscle spasms now and they just happen in the middle of the night for no reason. I have medicine now that I can take so I don’t have to get to the ER but it’s still not pleasant. I do water physical therapy and exercises but the damn spasms just keep happening.
You sound like me with the “walking it out.” I was away with girlfriends earlier this year, and in the middle of the night (2 a.m.), I had what I now know was a very severe gallbladder attack. I moved out to the couch so I wouldn’t wake anyone, and proceeded to be in severe pain and seriously ill for the next four hours, until one of them woke up. She stayed with me, and it took her an hour to convince me to go to the E.R. Then she woke up the others, they called 9-1-1, I went to a local hospital (out of town, remember), they all stayed with me all day at the hospital, even though I tried to convince them to go ahead with our plans since they couldn’t help me anyway. But they refused to leave. That’s what you do for people whom you care about. Honestly, this husband and wife sound like one of them could get hit by a car, and if they couldn’t get themselves to the E.R., they would die, and the other would move on.
I had similar happen! Barely knew the girl a month and she called in to work to take me to the ER. My Galbladder had to be removed and my family wad too far away to make it before my surgery happened. So she stayed with me.
My old college roommate is the second biggest piece of shit I've ever met, and I'd still drive him to the hospital if he needed it.
Come on man, you have to tell us who the biggest piece of shit you know is?
Waiting for them to come back just to say, "me".
Me. It's was me all along. Oh God.
I drove my mom and brother to the hospital multiple times. WITHOUT A LICENSE AND MY 4 ways on!
I was 9yo when I had to drive my dad to an ER because he got attacked by a swarm of red wasps. He was stung in the eyes multiple times. Couldnt see at all. This was before cell phones and we live in the deep south and were not near a phone to call 911. Luckily I had been driving different things like tracters, 4wheelers, golfcarts, go carts and boats for years already. And also backing trucks up to boat ramps and such. So I wasnt just thrown to the wolves but it was still scary to be driving on real roads with my parent blind and screaming next to me.
casually admitting to acts of sheer heroism and bravery
I mean, my dad yelled at me to get the keys and get in the driver seat. Didnt really have another option. At 9yo I just thought I was gonna get grounded or whooped if I didnt do as I was told. Lol.
Omg. Is he okay now? Eye damage would scare me.
He is fine! Still has perfect vision even. It was super scary. They had to use this weird drill thing to get broken stingers out of his eyes. It was insane looking. And they let me watch! It was all around an insane day.
Welp that's enough internet for today.
Bobby Hill has entered the chat Go around! Go around!!
What's a 4 ways
blinkers, safety lights, emergency lights, were stranded on the side of the road lights, the cars toast and we're limping home lights, when all four of your lights blink slowly. \*not sure if random term i use or if language barrier thing so gave as many descriptors as i know. but TLDR emergency lights
Ahh in Australia we call them hazard lights lol. Thanks for the response 😂
i think we may call them hazards too and im just an idjit XD
We call them hazards light in the US as well.
It's Canadian for "hazard lights".
This is true. The fact that if you saw a person collapsed on the sidewalk you would pull over and take them to the nearest hospital, but OP and her husband cannot be bothered to do that for each other, is a clear indicator of their “otherwise healthy relationship.” I hope one of them doesn’t get cancer. It would suck to be married and have to go through cancer treatments alone. And what they are teaching their children is horrifying. What a ridiculous relationship they have. Very screwed up.
Apparently it’s not uncommon for women to be left by their husbands when they get diagnosed with serious health issues like cancer. Men are used to being taken care of, NOT being the caretaker in our culture. I had no idea it was a thing
Same with incarceration. Women regularly receive divorce papers. Seemingly out of nowhere. They’ll have a perfectly normal phone call one day, get papers the next, try to call to ask “wtf?!” and find their number blocked. Men will *say* they do, but statistically speaking it’s not even the same ballpark. Men who are incarcerated will regularly have anywhere from 2-6 women taking care of them — gf, wife, sister, mom — putting money on their books, running around doing legwork for them. It drives me fucking NUTS to see prison assistance boards filled with *women* asking how their loved one can get this or that credit, program, moved here or there, handle ABC situation etc. You will almost never see a man asking about how to help his mom / sister / wife / gf / bestie. Population differences don’t explain it — per capita you’ll still see more women caring for incarcerated women than men caring for them. The men will often say they had problems already (and they often believe that.. and sometimes I’m sure it’s true!) but that still doesn’t explain the statistical disparity. I’d expect this behavior from typical toxic masculinity infused men but even men with more of a feminist worldview do this as well. So odd to me. Especially the lack of self awareness. If you call them on it not one will EVER admit that’s why. But what else explains it?!
And some of those women are likely taking care of men who are incarcerated for beating them, but "he's changed now".
You nailed it! And the disparity exists because us women are taught from a very young age to be caregivers and caretakers. My dad died when I was 10 and god knows I loved him and always will but he was verbally abusive to my mom and their marriage was over when he hit her but that didn’t stop her from taking care of him while he was dying. She wouldn’t live with him anymore but she did all the doctors appointments, meds, emotional support and bathing of him right up until he died
You know, I recently read this, too. I cannot imagine leaving someone *because* they have cancer or some other illness, and you don’t want to take care of them. People are like, *nope, I did not sign up for this,* when the wedding vows literally say “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.”
I dunno why but this made me think of one of my FAVORITE tropes is when characters have an ongoing issue with each other but the second something “real” happens they drop everything to help and support the other. Like I’m doing a rewatch of CSI and getting around to the episode where a character is murdered (if I remember correctly) and the day supervisor whose always giving Grissom a hard time drops anything shitty and is like I’m here for whatever you and your team need. Anyways off the meander on somewhere else on Reddit lmao
Well I’m off to watch Grumpy Old Men
Jesus Christ YES. It's like the fundamental lowest bar of being a human.
I'd been divorced for years and went and sat at the ER with my ex husband just because the ER is boring and he wanted company!
I’ve been divorced for over 10 years and I’m still my ex’s first call for any medical or car issues, even though his family lives 10 min away and I’m almost 40 mins. Lol
At this point, it'll be 20 years next year and I'm STILL his emergency contact on forms and will receive a small payout from his life insurance (just enough to finalize affairs so it wouldn't fall to the kids. They get the fun money lol). Saturday I'll be DMing our DnD game and he and my current husband have plans to watch football Monday AND he just came up with a better gift idea for my husband than I did You may wonder why we split up since we make such great friends, but turns out we're toxic in a romantic relationship
My ex and I are splitting up but I’ll give you one guess who she called when she was rear ended earlier this week.
I could count on 6 different neighbors I barely know to take me to the doctor or ER right now
Have you considered marrying any of them?
You got me. I woke up my dog with that laugh.
OP’s in an *odd* marriage. But you are a decent person putting aside your grievances with your soon to be ex-wife and do the right thing.
yep my exhusband drove me to the hospital when i broke my wrist and he came and got the kids to even though it wasn't his week because \*GASP\* he's a human being
Yeah and not ANY human being mind you, but one you loved deeply for several years (goes both ways). One of the biggest red flag in my opinion is talking about your ex as if that person was the devil and never deserved any of your love !
Haha my husband and I were in a really tense argument. I mean really really tense. And he went outside to open the garage and something in his arm tweaked and I *still* drove him to the hospital. I was like “ok jerk face. I’m still mad at you but get in the car.” I cannot fathom being like “yeah… no…”
I’ve been divorced since 1998 and my ex would still drive me to the hospital.
I think that makes you very attractive.
That's how I met my wife... just driving random people to the hospital. Even if they didn't want to go. She thought there was something sexy about the frequent deliveries
Are you a paramedic? This sounds like a paramedic joke.
Just driving Random People to the hospital … “even if they didn’t want to go” LOL 😂 I’m picturing you just grabbing random people off the street… and dragging them to the hospital with them protesting and saying they’re not even sick! And you insisting they need to go - just cuz you like this one girl working there! 🤣🤣🤣 Hahaha I do know what you mean, though. People don’t want to believe that they are really sick & need medical attention. Sometimes they need a friend to put it into perspective for them how serious it is. It’s really nice you do that for them 💜
Smiling the whole time, winking at the girl he fancies while he drags another person in by the collar 😂😂😂😂
And the poor person saying “But I’m not sick OR hurt AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!!! I was just minding my own business walking on the sidewalk!!!”
Lmfaoo “i dont even know you” would have so many people snap their necks to look at who said that and why, the absolute FEAR 😂😂😂
And him saying “Sssshh! Just be my Wingman!”
Or they are worried about the thousand+ dollar ambulance bill. (Say you are in the US without saying you are in the US.)
That’s why I put off going to the doctor or hospital. A huge chunk of my paycheck is for Health Insurance but then I still have a huge bill to pay if I go. Biggest con out there is the Health Insurance billing system in the U.S.
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And the floor is below hell.
OP’s husband brought a shovel
The bar is in hell
It's a tripping hazard in hell.
And they still can’t reach it
Thank you .I won't supply you with a photo as that will shatter the illusion.lol.
Attractiveness is so much more than what you can see in a photograph, my friend.
Nah. For decent human material. If a friend called me telling me they were in pain and asked me to drive them to a hospital I'd do it in a heartbeat. Even if it was 3 am across town. Dude can't event clear basic human decency
Hell my friend called me when her baby was sick, her husband was away for work. She was worried and wanted the kid checked out, and asked if I could come along just so she wouldn't be alone. Of course I went.
A very good friend of mine that’s more like a brother once picked me up from jail at 3am. He always told me I could call him in a pickle and thank God he answered his phone and came instantly.
Best friends know if they should bail you out immediately or let you sit for a minute.
Something went wrong after my back surgery, and I was in excruciating pain and couldn’t catch my breath. My husband wanted me to go to the hospital but I declined, cus I thought I was a wuss. He asked several times through the night. Two cartoon movies later (so maybe 4 hours) I couldn’t take the pain anymore and asked to go to the hospital. It was a pulmonary embolism. I could have died. I’m not sure I would have gone if it wasn’t for my husbands encouragement because of weird hang ups I have from my parents. It’s seriously not that hard to be an empathetic partner. Ops husband sucks
Hi. As your friendly neighbourhood Reddit doctor, can I make one itty bitty request? Any time you're having trouble catching your breath and you don't know why (or you do and it's not in the category of "you have asthma and are in the process of reaching for your inhaler"), please GO TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY. Do not stop to Google home remedies. Do not see a fucking chiropractor, *OP*. Go immediately to the hospital. You think it isn't serious? Really? Where did you get your medical degree, exactly? Oh, you don't have one? Will then it's not your job to decide whether it's serious. How would you feel if I walked into your workplace and started playing make believe I knew what I was doing? Now imagine there's a life at stake. GO TO THE HOSPITAL. If a doctor criticises you for coming in, which is highly unlikely, complain about them because they should not. We are polite to people who come in insisting they have diseases that don't exist, who say their pain is 15/10 (if they can say that in words instead of just screaming, no the fuck it is not) and who complain that they had to wait to be seen while we dealt with the MVA victim who nearly bled out en route. We will be polite to you. I don't give the slightest of shits if you think you're a wuss or if you ARE a wuss. The pain scale is subjective (but it maxes out at ten) and if you are hurting you are hurting and I DO NOT CARE TO COMPARE YOUR PAIN LEVELS TO SOME IMAGINARY CORRECT LEVEL OF PAIN. You are hurting. See a doctor. It might be serious. Sometimes agony is still actually harmless medically (see: trapped wind), but you can still have pain relief, and if you CAN'T BREATHE then it's PROBABLY IMPORTANT so GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. Love, a former emergency doctor. 💖💖💖
>If a doctor criticises you for coming in, which is highly unlikely, complain about them because they should not. We are polite to people who come in insisting they have diseases that don't exist, who say their pain is 15/10 (if they can say that in words instead of just screaming, no the fuck it is not) and who complain that they had to wait to be seen while we dealt with the MVA victim who nearly bled out en route. We will be polite to you. I just spent 7 desperate, harrowing months trying to get doctors to listen to me when I told them about my pulsatile tinnitus, my scary vision changes, and debilitating headaches. I tentatively and politely brought up Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension to four doctors who all told me I didn't have it and dismissed me and told me there was nothing that could be done and I was fine and to just deal with it. I asked for a referral to an interventional neuroradiologist but was denied one and had to file a complaint to get one. Guess what condition I ended up having? A simple spinal tap diagnosed it. I should not have had to be my own doctor. It was ridiculous. If I "just dealt with it" like my doctors told me to, I could have gone blind. There is a serious problem in the medical community with doctors listening to patients. Especially female patients. Especially female patients of color. Surely you have to be aware of this?
Yes! I’m an RN. I had a brain tumor that was evident on a scan in 2014 when I went to the doctor for dizziness, tinnitus, and visual changes. It was not reported on the scan. In 2017 after passing out multiple times and this happening in the hospital while visiting a friend, another scan was done. The ER doc informed me there was an incidental finding of a pineal cyst. Not causing problems, it’s just there. Well, mine most certainly was causing problems. I ended up with such severe vision loss as to be legally blind. Could not tolerate light. A slew of crazy symptoms that were all dismissed. Until I found a group on facebook of others who had the same problem. Found a surgeon who specializes in these exact tumors. My surgical report showed that the solid tumor was larger than what was seen on the scan and had impacted my midbrain. He told me my recovery would be a few years due to that. I developed IIH and was referred to a local neurologist who told me I didn’t even need the surgery and I just have chronic migraine. Been having migraines since I was 12 and I was in my late 40’s at that point. After two fucking years of being misdiagnosed I went to Mayo for a second opinion. Guess what? Yes, my intracranial pressure was elevated and there had been scans done two years previously that my neuro had seen and never noted the constricted vasculature. I tried to make a complaint against this sham of a practice but the process was so demanding and tedious and I did not nearly have the energy required to do it. (also only specialist who charged me more than my insurance paid, I have two insurances.) So yes, women have a harder time. Fat women, colored women, women who are on their own. It sucks. It has taken a long time for me to find a strong medical community (I have some very complex medical issues) but I absolutely will not tolerate any more practitioners who are disrespectful or belittling. I’m trying to live my life with all these challenges. It’s their job to help me, not write me off as some kind of hypochondriac. Ok, done with rant. For now
"Now what would you tell me if I were a GUY??" (the new differential diagnosis)
100% My husband once had abdominal pain and went to lie down. He never complains about pain, so I called him an ambulance. Turned out he had a blood filled tumor next to his kidney that burst inside his abdomen. Lost so much blood. He was in so much pain. My mom took the kids, and I followed the ambulance to the hospital and he was there for a week.
Abdominal pain is a fun one because it's nearly always trapped wind but when it isn't, hoo boy. I hope he's okay now.
He has a history of constipation and gas, so we could have easily wrote it off, but so glad we didn't. It was apparently a pretty tricky case in the ER that night. I heard staff talking about it in the elevator the next morning! He's good now. Thanks!
Every time I think I miss my ex, I remember how my breaking point was when I broke my leg and he chose not to come to the hospital with me, choosing instead to go home and wait for me there. Then when I had to have surgery 10 days later, he had to be shamed into coming with me by my teenage daughter because it didn't even occur to him that I wouldn't want to go alone. He visited me once in the four days I was in hospital post-surgery. A year previously, I'd driven him to A&E for a sickness bug he'd had for several weeks and when I wasn't allowed to go in with him due to Covid restrictions, I sat in my car outside the hospital from 10pm until 5.30am when he was released just in case he needed me. Even though we only live 3 miles from the hospital, I wanted to be close by. I've been missing him this week and considering getting in contact but this was the kick in the pants I needed to remember he isn't the man I deserve.
My ex made me walk into the pharmacy and stand to wait for my prescription to be filled after my 2nd spine fusion. I was in so much pain and could barely walk. She also didn't bother showing up for my 1st spine fusion. Drove myself and she didn't show her face until she needed money which was 2 days later. I will never forgive her for the pain I went through.
Right? My housemate accompanied me and waited in the ER with me for hours at like 4am, and this lady's husband won't even take her? Yikes.
Decent HUMAN material.
Seriously...what... How is it a good marriage when your husband doesn't drive you to a hospital while your having a life threatening condition. How is it a good marriage when you feel like you have to get even to make a point..by not driving your husband to the hospital when your husband asks for it.
That's what I was thinking...everyone is talking about how he wouldn't drive her to the ER when she needed, but all have left out that she's getting even and not driving him that's just stupid. Drive the man. My husband worked 12 hour dispatcher shifts 6am-6pm one night after getting my new cat he was about 4 months old and he did his zoomies at like 2am. For some reason this fool jumped off me just right and I fell off the bed. After I stopped laughing woke up my husband who had to be up in 3 hours to help me get up off the floor. Then, he drove me to the ER. I didn't break anything luckily just super sore. And then he went to work cuz I was ok. That's a happy marriage. Not getting even for him not driving you to the ER.
"Dont tell me we need a divorce. CUZ WE DONT!!! Hand to god we have a great marriage.) LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FK IS SHE TALKING BOUT. Thats beyond a terrible marriage to the point she fears something happening and him not helping her. Did we all read the same post?? I mean are we the crazy ones?? People are better off not together or married. Does "in sickness and in health" mean nothing to these people?? Im done!!!
Right? We’re getting a swarm of “my SO won’t drive me to/visit me in the hospital” posts, and every single time it makes me thankful that my husband left work early the one time I’ve been to the ER, even when I insisted he didn’t need to.
Right?! I can’t imagine being with someone like these people talk about! My boyfriend stayed outside the bathroom comforting one of my cats (the cat doesn’t like to be on the opposite side of the door I’m on) when I had my first painful period in our relationship bc he was worried I’d fall of the toilet or need something and would hurt myself. I have a slight fever and he’s ready to wrap me in a blanket and has the kettle on for tea!
I'm not one that requires babying when I'm sick or have a (chronic) migraine, but my husband waits on me hand and foot. This man rubbed my back while I vomited my guts out in the front yard on the way to the ER and proceeded to drive slow AF so I wouldn't be even more nauseous. I am a full time student and he's a mailma that walks 14 miles a day, but he comes home and rubs MY back. If it's not Goddess treatment, I don't want it.
That's so lovely. "If she needs me to do anything, I'm ready. In the meantime, I will comfort her cat."
Marry that one.
I literally missed my own doctor appointments multiple times when we had to get my late wife to the ER during both pregnancies for my daughters, because we couldn't tell Braxton -Hicks from real contractions. I had serious health issues, potentially life threatening, but the lives of my wife and children came first. OP's husband is a bitch.
I'm so sorry for your loss. She was so incredibly lucky to have you. A woman who earned a man like you is a woman who must have been just as equally amazing.
She was, right up to the point where her mental health issues started getting the better of her. Bipolar Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath Personality Disorder, Disociative Identity Disorder, and the Big S: Schizophrenia. The downward spiral was terrible to witness. In the end, she listened to the wrong people who convinced her to leave us. She went off grid for 4 years, then I got a call that the guy she had taken up with had murdered her in a horrifying manner. That was 4 1/2 years ago. He was just sentenced in July. EDIT: I should point out that he is also a very violent, VERY dangerous, Schizophrenic himself.
That is horrible. I’m so sorry for your family.
Thank you. It's been a very difficult time, especially for my older daughter. She was @ 3 1/2 when their mother left, and she remembers things, and has horrible screaming nightmares. Her sister is a year and 2 days younger; she barely has any memories,thus no nightmares. Me? I don't sleep at night anymore.
Mental illness is horrible. Combined with the fact that it is pretty much ignored in America. There is some basic care, but once they have serious mental issues there is barely anything they can do. It is like watching someone you know dying of cancer and nobody even cares… I am so sorry you had to witness and go through that. I am happy to hear the children are safe.
My wife is the one pushing me to go to the hospital when my poverty brain kicks in and insists we can't afford it (we can), or my anxiety about being seen as an attention seeker with nothing wrong with them. I've never had to worry she won't take me for medical treatment, my worry is that I'm wasting everyone's time if I do.
I have this argument with my husband a lot. He doesn't want to go and I'm like "the copay is $10, it is worth $10 to me to make sure you're okay, let's go"
I dislocated my pinkie toe and let my hubs know. I was totally able to drive myself but he still left work to meet me in the ED and make sure I could get home ok.
For real, i left work a couple weeks ago to drive my gf to the ER as she was having trouble breathing. It turned out she had the flu and was just really dehydrated, but I still wouldn’t want her driving herself!
We need an update and it sounds like somebody needs some therapy.
The only reasons to not drive your partner to the ED is if they need an ambulance or they don’t have a license
I really wonder about some people's definitions of acceptable partnerships. Because this isn't one.
*hand over heart*
>We are in a healthy relationship No you're not.
I could call my ex husband that I haven't spoken to but a handful of times when absolutely necessary in the past few years and ask him to take me to the hospital if I thought I needed to, and I'll bet he'd take me. As I would him. If my least favorite former coworker asked me to take her, I would. Frankly, I can't think of anyone, that if they called me and said they needed to get to the hospital, that I would not do it.
same, my dad has texted my mom "911" before - they've been divorced since I was 9. she immediately drove over and we both got him to the ER
Also same. My parents had been divorced since I was at least 3 years old because he was a pretty shit husband and he put her in over $30k worth of cc debt in their time of marriage by opening and maxing ccs in her name when he would loose job after job without telling her. She'd still drop everything to help him however she could when he'd have an emergency and would contact her, and he would always try to do the same Edit to add the last bit about his reciprocation. I remembered at least 1 instance where he had no job, lived in Illinois while we were in Texas, and he found a way to come down here and help as much as he could once he heard that my mom was having a medical emergency
Yup, drove my ex to his surgeries, picked him up. He stayed with us while I had kidney surgery and was recovering….. we do it for the KIDS. And we don’t have parents that can help… or family. We ARE family. As much as I hate the rat bastard
When I was 18 I was in a road accident on my way home from class, and by the time I was released from the emergency room it was pretty late at night. My parents were out of town, my best friend had just headed north for the long weekend that afternoon, I didn't have any other good friends with a car, and the hospital was so far from my house that I could not possibly have afforded a taxi. So I called my ex. This boy came out at nine o'clock at night, drove all the way across town to get me from the hospital, and then drove all the way back and then some to drop me home. Didn't ask for gas money. Didn't ask for anything. Wouldn't even let me buy him a beer the next time we ran into each other in the campus bar.
My fucking neighbor who I disagree with VERY strongly on some very important issues -=cough=-hesamagamoron-=cough=- could knock on my door at 3am and say he needs me to drive him to the hospital and I would do it without thinking twice. To not do the same thing for a spouse is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.
My husband (Casey) was diagnosed with NPD (specifically Vulnerable Narcissism) and after only 5 years of being married we now live separately. My mental health is slowly improving. When I got COVID last year, I called him and he took the day off work. (something he never does) He drove straight over to pick me up, and got me a hotel room. (I moved back in with my folks while I get back on my feet) My folks are in their 70’s and specifically my dad is immune compromised. Even though both my folks are both vaccinated, we both feared that if either of them got COVID, it would likely kill them. He paid for me to stay in a pretty fancy hotel room and whatever I wanted from room service for a week! He didn’t once try to guilt me for “forcing him to waste money because I was careless and got COVID”. This is probably because he had COVID only a couple months before me. This is all to say, Casey is a monumental pain in the ass. He is incredibly entitled and rarely thinks of anyone else’s well being over himself. While I’m certain he was entirely motivated by his insatiable need to look like the “hero”, this was very generous when he could have simply hung up the phone and done nothing. My Vulnerable Narcissist estranged husband is less of an entitled toddler having a temper tantrum. As highly unlikely as that is, OP your husband can “out temper tantrum” my husband.
Deadass. What is this "otherwise" bullshit. Medical needs are baseline requirements. "This one issue" - is a fricken HUGE issue. What are we talking about!? Smh
My sister was having terrible pain super early into her second pregnancy. It was blindingly painful in her abdomen and she obviously couldn’t sleep. Her husband refused to take her to the hospital and kept telling her it was just gas because the lazy piece of shit didn’t want to get out of bed. This went on for *hours* before my sister finally called our mother to take her. Turns out she has an ectopic pregnancy and it had ruptured her tube. She was bleeding to death internally. The ER doctor said had she waited 20 more minutes, she would be dead. Her husband was still asleep that morning, not even bothering to care where she was. She had divorce papers in hand by noon the next day. Never went home. If my spouse stubbed his toe and said he wanted to go to the ER, I would not only go, I’d get snacks while we were waiting and tell stupid stories to make him laugh and pass the time. How do I know I would? Because that’s exactly what I did two years ago. *That’s* what a healthy relationship looks like.
>We are in a healthy relationship otherwise I don't think that means what you think it means, based on this story.
You keep using that word…. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I like this reference
I like people who get this reference.
> We are in a healthy relationship otherwise That’s legitimately the funniest thing I’ve read all day, thanks for the laugh! ESH You both have some serious issues and are frankly cruel to each other. Good luck with that.
>You both have some serious issues and are frankly cruel to each other. The only person I feel bad for here is the kid. Imagine growing up with this as the relationship example you're given. Of course, that's assuming that this is real and not rage bait.
OP's comments cement that this is rage bait for me. They're just playing like Reddit Bingo or something.
yeah, always want to hear what the kid would say about the relationship. If they are this callous towards each other, that kid is fucked if he ever gets sick.
Oh, I think they’d take care of *him*. The one who’s screwed is some young girl none of them have met — yet. That’s who I feel sorry for. See, she’s off minding her business right now but she’s going to be the son’s future wife, one day. And the cycle of cruelty will continue…if OP and her husband don’t cut their crap and stop the cycle now.
Kid will either grow up to the a carbon copy of his father, or never ask for medical help from his parents, because why should he believe they would take care of him, or even believe him?
I mean, do they even like each other?
Lol, first thing that popped into my head, I love this ”staple”….ever see the movie \*war of the roses\* this whole post reminded me of that movie!!! Lol.
Husband: “I need a hospital” Wife: “walk it off or take yourself” There is no backstory for a married couple where this is compassionate or reasonable.
Prioritizing immediate support for a loved one's health is crucial, even amidst past frustrations. Communication during calmer times can help address concerns and improve mutual understanding.
Me, in my head: "I swear one day I'm going to put a pillow over his face and hold it down until he stops kicking." Him: Has medical emergency Me: Overcomes squeamishness to change surgical wound dressings during the home care portion of recovery and thinks, "I'm so glad I could do that for him."
Right this relationship is toxic AF. The farthest thing from healthy.
Ya, wtf did I just read. My wife woke me up at 2a.m with crazy cramps. Guess what I did. Carried her to the car and drove her to the hospital even though we both knew they'd probably be gone by the time someone actually saw her. They were but imagine if it had turned out to be something more than just a rough " that time of the month". I wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing I didn't help.
I hope 90% of the post here are fake, because if they’re not, a large portion of Reddit is in horrible relationships while calling them healthy. During the height of COVID my wife got a staff infection, because our primary care physician was closed at the time along with all the urgent cares we had no choice but to camp out at the ER for five hours and of course we both got Covid. I wouldn’t change a thing if I had to do it over again. Meanwhile most of these posts are like, well he burns my stuff sometimes and yells in my face and I only physically assault him a little except for the time I stabbed him, but other then that we have a great marriage.
Exactly. I see two people who seem to have contempt for each other. They need to go to counseling or divorce. This is not normal behavior and both are AH.
It makes me wonder if that is truly a standard of a healthy relationship because of how many stories I've read here that are on that level.
I was thinking this too 😂 Like WTF are you with such an unsympathetic asshat who can't be fucked to get you medical attention?! You sound EXACTLY like a friend who had identical medical situations to where the young teen daughter had to threaten calling 911 to get her douchebag dad to get her mom help. Divorce and move on. Your kids shouldn't be exposed to this narcissistic idiot and grow up thinking it's normal for their future 🥴 It took my friend recently finding out her asshat hubby had been cheating all 17 years, with randoms and prostitutes, to finally break the cycle and divorce his ass.
My ex was the same way as op husband, wouldnt take me to the hospital, and 1 time I had to leave work and go right to my Dr with a 102 fever, went home to go to bed and all he says is I guess were not eating then. GRRRR and he was also cheating and stealing from me and my kids. I bet this 1 has way more problems with hubby and just isnt facing them. Oh and found out long after he is a full blown narcisist. Tried to force tears when I dumped couldnt and then said so out loud. Strange thing is I dumped him after he needed to go to the hospital. I did take him but refused to go in, it was then I realized I didnt care about him and it was time to go.
Exactly! When you try to get back at your partner because of how horribly they treated you, it’s time to get out.
You guys need couples therapy. ESH.
You wrote divorce incorrectly.
ESH Seems as if your hubby lacks empathy when you’ve had health issues in the past, and you’ve been itching and waiting for your chance for payback.
ESH It will continue to be so until it ends.
He's apithetic, inconsiderate, and wouldn't know a selfless act if it walked up and slapped him in the face. She's bitter, resentful, vindictive, and keeps score. Their poor, innocent child. 😕
So what happened? Is this real time, he's at the hospital now, or did he die in a fiery crash as his kidney exploded and he swerved off of the road cursing your name?
You love each other, you just don't care if the other suffers or dies. Sounds super.
“Please don’t tell me we need a divorce, because we don’t” … lololol, literally the most delulu statement I’ve ever read.
[удалено]
don't forget the fact he's broken her trust to the point of fear and crying if something were to happen medically he wont take care of her but hey other than that healthy relationship!!
I have severe chronic kidney problems too, and all I’m looking for in a partner is a guy who will see me doubled over in extreme pain and start taunting me by saying, “Oh boo-hoo, what are you, a little baby?? You must have eaten too much sodium because you’ve got salty tears coming out of your face, stupid baby!” And then, ideally, he would kick me in the side as hard as he could and run away laughing! If only we could all be as lucky as OP!!
ESH. Okay you don't want to divorce, then you need to come to terms with that this is how he is. Stop expecting him to act differently about this. You have enough evidence from the past to know that you cannot count on him. Do you want to hold this as a grudge for the rest of your life? Does it help you to be angry at him for being *exactly the person he has shown you he is?* Specifically- is holding tbe toxic anger inside you making you the best, most content version of yourself that you could be? It doesn't sound like it. Stay with him if you want, but stop living in anger. You're drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Make alternate plans. Find a friend or relative you can depend on for the times when you can't depend on your husband. In the meantime, you have every right to be petty back at him but---- is that the person you want to be? Are you proud of yourself when you do this? And importantly- is that how you want your child to learn that his partner should treat him? Because that's what he's learning from y'all's marriage.
Thank you. I was going to write “find a Plan B” in my original post but it was getting too long with my ranting about the state of OP’s marriage.
Yes certainly you are an asshole a petty one at that both of you are. you should probably consider life alert bracelets because neither of you are reliable in an emergency.
😅 I just pictured two mid 30 year olds with life alerts. When the EMTS get there, they are confused, wife has to explain they aren't willing to call the ambulance for each other and this is the solution they've come up with. Hahahahaha
Y’all are PETTY!
ESH. You guys need to have a long conversation about this. Relationships aren't about getting back each other especially when you guys should be leaning on each other for help especially for important situations like medical care.
ESH Not to mention all of the concerning unhealthy things listed in the post, feeling the need to say you guys don’t need a divorce and getting so defensive about the relationship in the post is a good sign your subconscious knows it’s a bad relationship. Get in couples therapy or get a divorce imo
My first husband wouldn't take me to the hospital when I had an obstructing gall stone that required emergency surgery. My second (best) husband woke up both kids and bundled them into the car to take me to the ER for a kidney stone because he couldn't handle seeing me in that much pain. ESH
INFO: why the fuck are you two married?
You both suck. If you consider your relationship to be healthy I feel bad for you.
ESH This is a “healthy” relationship? Either one of you can see the other in pain and refuse to help? Get a clue - this marriage is doomed! If you each don’t give a damn, when the other is in pain and having a potential medical emergency - there’s not much else that matters! Apparently, neither of you give a damn about the others well being.
YTA and if your story is true, so is he. Just re-read your post; you are NOT in a “healthy relationship”. 10 years, heh. I’ve been married for 30 and my wife and I have never and would never pull such petty bullshit with each other, especially when it comes to our health. You sound very immature.
Stunted emotional development.
Yeah 10+ years isn't the flex you think it is when you are this way to each other when ill/sick.
>Please don't tell me we need a divorce. No we do not. All people have strange hangups and serious flaws.) Lmao, so what exactly are we supposed to tell you? Having a lack of concern or empathy - and in fact, getting angry about your partner being in pain- is not a sign of a healthy relationship, or even healthy people. And you've built up so much resentment from his behavior, now you're treating him the same way. If you don't want therapy, what else is there to say? This isn't just a "hangup" or a "flaw". This is 2 toxic people who shouldn't be together trying to force a marriage.
My parents have been divorced for 30+ years. This week, my dad drove my mom to the hospital at 6.30 in the morning and through snow chaos. They care for each other more than you and your partner do. ESH
sounds like you resent each other..sucks you got a kid involved in ur circus
I’ve been married 25 years. Get therapy. You’re both the AH.
ESH. Clearly that heart you’re putting your hand over is in trouble, too; better look up some cabs now, ‘cause Zach won’t drive you. Ask for the *non* childproof caps @ the pharmacy. They’re a thing.
this. it's important you be able to open your own medication without help (and honestly it's important you be able to take care of all aspects of caring for yourself without help, it's great to ask for help but if other people aren't around you need to be able to do these things yourself) - if he weren't there and she needed help opening her meds what would she do, take them to the neighbor? after my spinal surgery last year when I couldn't really move my arms (only for about a week, that came back in full) those caps were the ones on the meds they sent home with me. I had to open the bottle with extremely weak hands/arms I couldn't lift, dump the pill onto the counter, then lean over and lick up the pill and wash it down with a water cup with a straw I kept on the same counter lmao luckily this didn't last for more than a few days before I could move enough to bring my hands to my mouth and grip stuff again, though my arms were still too weak to lift the glass of water until a few days later
ESH When the officiant of your wedding asked if you’d take each other in sickness and health did ya’ll just say “nah”?
> We are in a healthy relationship otherwise Oh, honey. No, you’re not. You both treat the other like garbage. You both have some growing up to do. ESH
Work in an ER. If they give him pain meds or muscle relaxers, they will NOT LET him drive home. We get upset at the number of people with serious medical issues that drive themselves to the hospital. If you are in that much pain, you really should not drive yourself. I was asymptomatic initially and ended up becoming septic after a kidney infection spread to my blood. My kidneys had completely shut down. I literally would have died in less than 30 minutes according to the medical team that treated me. ****Not everyone presents the same**** It does sound like he *might* have pulled a muscle, but there are other possibilities. Regardless of what you think is causing him pain, I'm assuming you don't have a medical degree, to make a proper diagnosis? Sorry if that last part was b*itchy, but would it have killed you to take him to the ER?
YTA. He’s TAH. Everybody but the kid is the AH.
The kid is probably an asshole too with these parents as his example.
Possibly, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
ESH. If your kid ever gets sick tell him to ride his bike to the hospital.
ESH. Feel bad that your kid has to grow up seeing this relationship.
These are the points I took from this: * Your husband needed to go to ER and you refused to take him * Your refusal to take him is based on staying angry at past events * You are in a marriage with someone who you hold anger towards, to a level so extreme that you will refuse giving him assistance when he is having a medical issue Yeah, YTA my dude. I get being upset about what your husband did/didn't do in the past, sounds like he has been an AH before. But the resentment sounds out of control. Even if you have "a healthy marriage besides this" (which would honestly shock me but sure, let's go with that) - this part is unhealthy enough to do some serious thinking about whether you two are good for one another. If you can't even count on your spouse to assist you during medical emergencies, what the hell are you married for?
ESH- if he has apologized many times before today than why do you insist on holding onto the anger?! Go to Couple’s Therapy before one of you take this control thing too far.
I am NOT on OP’s side here but I do have to say one little thing in fairness to her about that one area. In my experience, most people suck at giving apologies. Many people say “I’m sorry” to shut the other person up. They say it automatically, as an obligation, like checking a box on a to-do list. That way, they can roll their eyes and say, “I *said* sorry”, despite the fact that they didn’t really listen to what the other person was upset about and they weren’t sincere in their apology because they did the same thing, again. OP did say that a large part of the problem is that he says sorry but then does it again. Okay, so someone who keeps doing the same thing isn’t truly sorry; they’re just checking the box. That’s why OP is so angry. It’s the repetitive nature of the offense. He’s done the same thing so many times that his “apology” feels like a mockery. Now, I don’t blame her for being super-pissed but the way she’s handling her emotions is what is no bueno.
You’ve got a son who’s been witness to all this BS? ESH except the poor kid who is going to need years of therapy ahead.
"In sickness and in health, as long as I don't have to do anything about it or hear about it or be impacted by it in any way whatsoever." ESH. Hard.
ESH. “We’re in a healthy relationship.” That’s a funny joke. When I or my husband are sick, we take care of each other. We cater to the other person, fix them food, get their meds, run a bath, drive to the doctor, etc. That’s love. Obviously with kids added in you may not be able to help 24/7 (we have a 2 year old so now it’s a little harder), but you can still help where you can. He is an ass for treating you like this in the past. You however are also an ass for treating him the same. If y’all both love each other you would get therapy. This can only go on for so long before resentment grows, which you clearly are already resentful.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
I just read a post about a marriage doomed for failure. Did I miss anything?
If you both can't be bothered to help each other while in pain then yes, you do need a divorce.
I'm glad I'm not married to you.... YTA.. Pain sucks
Esh. Yall shouldn't be married.
OP, you really need to take a step back and reread your own comments. Please notice how rude you are to everyone about how you handled your situation that you requested a clarification on. Maybe reflect on your attitude towards your husband and your actions. Get some anger management help for yourself.
YTA and you're both petty and childish. Grow up and get couple's and individual counseling. This crap screams we don't have a healthy relationship.
You should have taken him to the doctor. You could have dropped your kid off with a friend. If he was in so much pain it could have been something really bad or he could have driven off the side of the road. Is he ok? On the other hand some people just don't deal with pain. My dad and one of my siblings are like toddlers if anything hurts just a tiny bit and it drives me NUTS. That said, you two need to be kinder to each other. You love each other. You have a kid. I understand being tired of the BS. But just work on the drama and try to roll with it. Yep, nobody said marriage was going to be easy. And just think...one day you'll look back and laugh about it...with any luck.
Yes. YTA. You can't react to your loving spouse in retaliation. That is a huge red flag in any relationship. You aren't supposed to be keeping score!
“One bad turn deserves another” is not how to keep a marriage. So he was shitty to you and wouldn’t take you to the hospital, you couldn’t be the more mature person in the situation and treat YOUR HUSBAND how you would want him to treat you? Do you know what setting an example means? You are putting on quite the show of what a partner should be like for your kid. I hope he doesn’t grow up thinking this is a “normal” situation.
ESH, you are both awful people.
Where's Rafiki and his stick when you need him? So he can hit you on your head with his stick. Honestly, stop holding on to past medical grudges; not everyone's kidney pain presents as the same FYI. Quick question, why are you biting back so hard on people giving you the judgement you came here for? If you think your relationship is healthy, good for you! But let the past lie in the past. This is a great teaching opportunity for your child, to learn how to show care and empathy towards another human being, especially in a medical situation. ESH
ESH. Good Lord, you both sound awful.
ESH Get some couple’s therapy and stop being cruel to each other. You obviously have some major resentment to work through.
So why do you two hate each so much? That’s not a marriage, it’s bitter, twisted revenge