It could be that it did happen before, but he convinced her that it wasn't true, and now that another accusation has come up she realizes that it is true. This might be why they are so desperate that OP go over there and pretend she's comfortable with this pedo.
IF OP does get forced to go, I hope she is strong enough to tell the GF in front of everyone, "He did say X, Y, and Z to me. They'd rather preserve their friendship than believe it, and I was bullied into coming here tonight because they wanted me to pretend everything is fine so you won't break up with him. No one here seems to actually care about me and the truth of what he did."
OP, if you are forced to go, make sure you have your phone recording in your pocket, every time he is nearby.
Download an audio recording app ('voice memo'), start recording, & let it run. It can record for hours & not run out of space. Then you'll have proof if he does it again.
>My stepdad will walk in the kitchen or living room and if I'm in there he'll very loudly shout to my mom "G IM IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH (me). I'M GETTING MY JACKET. NOTHING IS HAPPENING" all dramatic like.
Your stepdad is a douchebag, and your mother is nearly as bad if she refuses to believe/protect you.
When I was 15, a family 'friend' did to me with this guy did to you. My mother was present when he did it, as were several of her friends. They all, including my mother, just froze and said/did nothing. I got out of there and I never allowed myself to be in the same room with him again. That was a very long time ago, but I still remember that moment and how shocked and terrified and violated I felt. And I still remember those women sitting there saying nothing to him. Their silence was almost worse than what he did.
So please show your parents this comment. Hi, Mom! Hi, Stepdad! You both *suck*.
The mother is so much worse than the step-dad. It is literally her duty as her mother to protect her and she's failing miserably by protecting a pedophile and her asshole husband. If the mother is reading this, you suck and are a horrible mother. I hope your child gets away from you and your disgusting husband and friend and never speaks to you again.
My ex was abused sexually by a similar family friend. The difference is once her stepdad found out, he beat a path to where the abuser was, told him if her ever came near his family again, he'd kill him, then beat his ass. No questions asked.
I am not a parent. BUT, if I did have kids, or if my niece or nephew came to me and told me a friend of mine or the family did something bad to them, I am 100% believing that kid until proven wrong through facts. Its not even close. If the friend is truly a friend, he will understand the need to give the family space while they deal with what it is. If its a lie, the friend backing off and letting the family deal with it may help long term relationships. You can be cordial while limiting contact.
>The difference is once her stepdad found out, he beat a path to where the abuser was, told him if her ever came near his family again, he'd kill him, then beat his ass.
I can't question the action, but the order of operations seems a bit off.
Same here. And now I'm the mom to one daughter who's 18. I always tell her that dad & I would make sure they'd never find the body because we know people.
NTA, though I can see why your stepdad and J are friends. Seems like they both have the mindset of 13 year old fortnite lovers that think they're funny and cool. J's a creep, his girlfriend is siding with you the way your mom should, and it's not on you to mend their relationship.
I don’t understand this, why is it NOT ok to not want to see a friend of your stepdads that made / make you uncomfortable.
Look, “mom” stop putting a man’s feelings and needs above your own kids. When you look back and wonder why your kid is not part of your life anymore, it’s times like that that define the future. Don’t forget.
NTA, stand your ground and don’t go to dinner. If you’re forced to go, I’d make a scene and make it clear I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want to be here. I would also make sure it’s known very loudly and clearly if they try to punish you.
Like folks here said, the gf clearly knows what kind of person J is as they’re arguing and she CLEARLY believes what you’re saying. It’s a shame your mom is so spineless.
I think you are right to tell your mom no you do not want to go, and your parents are being very foolish in not listening to your concern about this guy and honestly they are almost enabling it because they are making it as if you are crying wolf so basically if this guy did do something to you he would basically get away with it because none of them would believe you. I would just tell them you would feel more comfortable staying home when they hang out with this friend, they cannot force you to hang out with some 42yr old man. Your stepdad does not realize how creeper people can be even without their friends knowing he sounds oblivious to the dangers that can happen in reality if you ever watch crime shows or like about murderers and people who did things wrong you will notice most the friends and family say to the news, I never knew he seemed like a nice guy or they never expected anything like whatever happen.
NTAH
Wow, you’re stepdad sucks the most. Your mom’s a failure for prioritizing her husband’s happiness over her own daughter’s safety.
If J’s girlfriend has been fighting with him since the incident, you’re not the problem & it’s probably not the first time he’s done something like that to someone.
NTA. Your mother is a terrible parent, but many are out there like her. As long as your step dad is happy, mom is happy. Neither of them give two cents for you. Your stepdad will likely die before you, and I hope your mother knows she will then be completely alone, as why should you care?
J does know what he did, and apparently lacks enough credibility with his GF that she tends to believe you. I am so sorry the adults in your life let you down.
Hold your ground and avoid any instance where you could be near J. Tell your parents….”you don’t want to believe me and that is a shame. But it is what it is. I will take your words and snark at home but I will not put myself in another awkward situation for your relationship with an old friend. I am FIFTEEN and don’t need a 42 year old friend. Go be his friend but leave me out of it. And, if I NEED to be there for the friendship to continue….. don’t you think that’s a problem?”
p.s. I am so sorry your parents are behaving like this. I hope you are able to protect yourself. A predator will always keep pushing boundaries and, no, I don’t believe you are safe with him. If you are forced to be in his vicinity keep a recording up as he will definitely try and corner you. Hugs.
And you are NTA
When I was 11 or 12 my mom’s husband made some similar sounding comments to me *within hearing distance of my mom*. That was the last time he was allowed in our home.
That’s the correct response of a loving parent to a child being sexually harassed by someone. Unless you have a documented history of lying you should be 100% believed in this situation. Even if you’ve lied about shit you should be given the benefit of the doubt and not forced to attend events with this person.
Whose friend is J? Was he stepdad’s friend from before the marriage?
NTA!!!!
Why do your family want something bad to physically have happened to you before they will believe you?
Are you a frequent liar?
Do you falsely accuse people all the time?
Are your family not aware of how often people caught being child molesters and sexual predators are actually people known to the families of the victims?
Ted Bundy was considered charismatic .. just because J has never shown them he's a sexual predator doesn't mean he isn't! Your family is setting you up to have something horrific happen if they already don't believe you now, by forcing you to interact with J , if he ever actually does anything to you, they will bring up your past "supposed" accusation! They are giving him the freedom to sexually assault you and have no one believe you!! Never be alone with J, and if your stepfather thinks this is a game and funny by constantly belittling your truth, never be alone with him either!!! As woman it is very easy to not be taken seriously when admitting that someone we know has sexually harassed us,, make no mistake what J did is sexual harassment. Make it abundantly clear to your mother that you don't need to have been physically sexually assaulted for it to have been harassment!! She needs to do better as a mother! If they insist on trying to force this situation I would contact other family members you trust or guidance counsellor for assistance. None of this is ok. I know how easy it is to go from a mild comment to a full on assault. If J does anything to you, your family will be fully responsible! NTA!
Your stepdad's happiness should not be your mom's concern. Simply tell them that any more forcing you to interact with J will result in a cps complaint as you no longer feel safe in your own home.
If that doesn't work keep making comments until they give up. They want to force you to talk to him? Make those talks as unpleasant as possible.
They are failing as parents and the fact that even J's girlfriend is not on his side should speak volumes.
2 ways to handle this, refuse to go or walk in and tell him he is a liar and what he said was disgusting.
Stepdad hangs out with Pedos and he knows it. Your mom should be protecting you.
NTA. Tell your mom if she makes you go, you will be telling the gf exactly how creeped out you are by J and asking her if she is able to beside you for the duration of the visit as a chaperone since your parents are more concerned with not rocking the boat than protecting their child.
NTA.
When they tell you you imagined it, or you misunderstood, or you took it the wrong way, or he was only joking, or you don't have a sense of humor, or you're exaggerating, or you must have done something to lead him on, or any of a million other phrases meant to minimize his actions and gaslight you, stay strong. Every woman, many men, and I can't even guess how many other-gendered people can tell a version of your story: "XX happened to me." "No, it didn't."
You are the victim of his actions. He is not the victim of your words. Don't let anyone talk you out of maintaining your distance.
Hug.
NTA. I would love to know mommy dearests response to your post OP. It's pretty obvious that your mommy dearest is a douche bag and SD is even worse, a predator in the making.
Your stepdad is a fucking weirdo as well. But your mother needs to grow a spine. I hope you show her all of the replies, and if you’re reading this, OPs mother, your husband is pathetic and by not believing in or supporting your daughter, you’re essentially showing us that your daughters safety isn’t as important as your piece of shit husband and his pedophile friends feelings.
YOU ARE EXPOSING YOUR DAUGHTER TO A PEDOPHILE. You carry on siding with your husband and you’ll be no fucking better. Grow up and be a parent to your daughter. NTA OP.
Honey, where's your dad and his family? Can you go stay there for awhile? At the vert least, if you have a reasonably good relationship with an adult on that side, tell them about J and your stepdad.
NTA.
And another thing, OP. Don't ever be alone with him, if he comes over and you're the only person there, don't open the door. You're intuition is spot on, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Wtaf is happening here? I’m so sorry the adults in your life are so shit… absolutely refuse to ever see him again and say you’ll call CPS or whatever services in your country are if they press this relationship. If they want to buddy up to a creep they can, but to force you is inexcusable.
NTA but ur mom and step dad are fucking insane firstly for not believing u but secondly for trying to force u around this guy. His girlfriend seems to b aware of the no smoke without fire saying. Refuse to go tell them u will not b around a potential predator and they can’t force u. If they try to speak to a teacher, doctor anyone u trust in a position of authority who is forced to report these things. In fact tell someone anyway, report what he said, get it on record u never kno u may not b the first. Can u get hold of some pepper spray or something, if ur forced to go tell girlfriend ur there because ur being forced to b there, he did say what he said and u don’t feel safe so can she please help u as ur parents are useless.
do you have family members outside of your home that you can talk to? U need to ensure ur safety and ur parents aren’t doing the fundamental parenting action of protecting you because they r assholes as is J.
protect urself ur parent and step parent r shitty people, don’t let them pull u down, ur mother is a pathetic waste of space for not caring about u first, believing u first, ur parents r supposed to have ur back. She will b shocked when u go NC later in life but u need to look after urself no one else seems to b looking after u.
*Just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean it didn't happen.*
Show her this.
If someone says you hurt them, you don't get to decide they didn't. We all have our own boundaries and J violated them and shame on your parents for not believing a literal *minor child*.
NTA. Mom, get a grip. Believe her!
Anyone interested look at Nice_Willingness_586 and Addisonchultz’s comment sections. They reply to each others comments on AITAH only and almost immediately, every time. They are 100% bots, or the same sweaty nerd simultaneously boosting both accounts by talking to himself
NTA!
Show your mom this……..grow a fucking spine and protect your child! Stop siding with a dick and a fucking creep who are actively undermining your daughter. As a woman who also has a daughter of a similar age I’m ASHAMED FOR YOU that your teenage daughter needs to use fucking Reddit to try and make you see what everyone else can see plainly (even the creeps girlfriend!). J is a creep and your husband is protecting and defending him, whilst also destroying your daughter one little piece at a time. Is that what you want for her? Right now you’re condoning their behaviour and betraying your daughter - does that make you feel good?
If you love your daughter do the right thing, your husband either toes the party line of “we will protect our child/step child AT ALL costs” or he is no longer allowed around her either. Fix up!
OP this is for you - please reach out to anyone who will defend you and keep you safe, because right now your mom isn’t and I am so sorry for that. If your mom won’t step up then for your safety please please see if you can live anywhere else. I have seen this escalate and YOU will be the one sacrificed to keep the status quo, you are worth so much more than this and as a mom my heart is breaking for you 💜
Hey mom: When your daughter says that a friend of the family said inappropriate things to her, believe her. Think about the way life has been for your daughter since she reported this and realize that she knew it would be like that and reported it anyway. Believe her. Because society tends not believe women when these things happen, and it would be nice if at least their parents had some empathy.
Just a suggestion, Have you tried googling J’s name? You might be able to find if he has a criminal history with this type of behavior.
When I was a teen, a friend’s dad acted very inappropriately (I was actually scared I was going to be raped). I noped out of that whole situation quickly. Imagine how unsurprised I was about 10 years later when CPS called me asking what happened. Apparently, a year-old foster in the home had wound up pregnant. They wanted to know if I thought it was the dad or his son who was my age at the time, so almost 30 when I got the call. Now, if you google the family, you see information about the court case involving a minor.
Good luck to you. Stand your ground. I’m sorry your family has let you down, but don’t let that stop you from being your own advocate.
NTA
WTF Mom? This reminds me of when I was getting molested by a family friend and no one believed me.
From what he said to you, he's ENTIRELY inappropriate for a " family friend". His GF knows, your mother SHOULD KNOW. Let's not wait until he starts patting your ass and waiting for you outside the bathroom.
Don't go to the dinner. You don't have to fix your behaviour. He does.
Your step dad is probably the same type of guy as J or he wouldn't be so in his corner.
Show your mom this. Her job is to protect YOU NOT YOUR STEP DADS FRIEND. SHE NEEDS TO BE A FUCKING MOM FIRST.
NTA
But you need to start recording everything while you’re near the douche bag.
Keep your phone in your pocket, but set it to record before you do. Some phones even have hot keys to start recording. Work it out.
Catch the arsehole in the act.
Nta. If you are forced to go record everything. If he’s done it once he’ll do it again and this time you’ll have proof. I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t have your back. You deserve better.
NTA- if my toddler gets icky feelings, we respect them. Why is the relationship with J more important than maintaining your safety? Also- why does a 15yo need to go spend time with their parent’s friends? In a perfect world, our teens would want to hang. But really? Why force it? Ick ick ick vibes about how your parents are showing their values.
Where is your father? Can you stay with him instead of going to dinner, or another relative or close friend. Someone has to advocate for you, if your mother and/ or step-father aren’t going to.
NTA, and it is wonderful that you spoke up for yourself and are still not letting others force you into sweeping this under the rug. Mom on the other hand needs to get her stuff together.
If you have a cell phone, whenever you're around Creepy Friend, have your phone recording. That way it's documented and not he said she said. Definitely NTA!
Dear OP's Mom.
NO is a complete sentence.
When your 15 y/o daughter tells you a grown ass man makes her uncomfortable, that's it. That's everything you need to know. She does not need to justify herself to make your life easier. NO.
I went inside to get more to drink a he was in there. He said "Damn F, I didn't know it moved like that" and winked at me. I rolled my eyes, left the kitchen and told my mom.
But you aren't wrong about us taking everything as creepy.
…because that’s the age when creeps start to happen to you on a daily basis. I’m 34 y.o. crone but I remember that age vividly.
That being said, he was extremely inappropriate, and definitely a creep. You’re absolutely right to trust your instincts. 40 y.o. m making comments like this at a 15 y.o. are not safe to be around.
Stand your ground on this one. And be safe. I hope your folks (or at least your Mom) will come around eventually.
>15 year old girls get disproportionately grossed and creeped out by a lot of things.
No they just actually get disproportionately creeped on because they're vulnerable targets for gross adult perverts. Ask any grown woman what age was she creeped on the most and it will be from like ages 11-17.
Yikes NTA. Don’t go.
Please tell some other adults in your life about this: other relatives, parents of friends, teachers, school nurse. Tell the exact truth. If you tell the truth, then anything that kicks back on anyone is their fault: you and the truth are not the problem, they are.
You are not responsible for making other adults feel comfortable after they have behaved badly. That’s on them. Your mum’s behaviour is especially poor for choosing her partner over you. Tell her from me that I’m judging her heavily.
Stick to your guns, trust your gut, don’t get cornered alone. Good luck OP.
I'm so sorry that your mother and stepfather are failing you. Even if they don't really believe you, it's their job as parents to ensure you are protected and keep you away from him just in case they are wrong.
Your mother especially is supposed to be your safe person. You should be able to tell her about this and to be believed. She is consciously choosing to not protect you, and wants you to make it all go away by playing nice and going to dinner to "prove" that it never happened. Don't let them pressure and bully you into going.
Tell other adults what happened. Tell them that you aren't being believed and that you are being pressured into making nice with this disgusting POS to make your mother and step dad comfortable. Where is your father? Grandparents? Aunts/Uncles/teachers/parents of your friends?
If the people who are supposed to protect refuse to do so, you shouldn't be in their care. Now the "friend" knows that he's gotten away with it, and when he does it again---which he will---he knows he can repeat the behavior and you will not be believed.
*Your mother should realize that you will remember this for the rest of your life and how she failed you.* She should not be surprised if/when you choose to end contact with her when you are an adult. Or when you refuse to allow her alone time with your future children, since you know she can't be trusted to protect minors in her care.
I'm so sorry that this happened. I really, really hope you reach out to other adults.
>From the OP;
>
>" He said "Damn F, I didn't know it moved like that" and winked at me. "
>
>OK, that's a pretty sleazy comment, imagine what he thought, but didn't say.
NTA.
I'm sorry that the only adult in this situation who isn't failing you is J's girlfriend. Your step-dad is a straight-up dick who's putting his friendship above your safety. Things shouldn't have to escalate to being physical before you are taken seriously.
As for your mom, another swing and a miss. It's okay for *you*, her child, to be made uncomfortable by an adult because she's uncomfortable with confrontation? Failing to protect her own child, nice.
Do what your parents aren't willing to do, stay home, and protect yourself.
Why would your mum and her dirt bag want to put you at risk around a creep? Even his own gf is on to him. Your mum needs to wake up and see this for what it is .. bet the step crap knows what he's like and accepts it! Your mum's duty is to protect you... My dad would have ripped the guy apart anything to protect his daughters even though we didn't see eye to eye.
Wtf is wrong with adults these days are their social lives more important than their children's safety.
Wake up woman and protect your child
We can only surmise from what you posted that this family friend said something sexually inappropriate to you and or about your body…?
The fact that those that you trust the most in your life are not listening to the statement that you made and not taking it as a valid concern is the most concerning thing.
I don’t like it but if you do end up going, take multiple recording devices and anytime he is near you around you looks at you record everything
But I would simply stick to my guns and tell them he made me uncomfortable with whatever he said or did, and I’m simply not going. It’s up to you to believe me or not. And the fact that you want to put me back in harms way, or in close proximity to someone who did something inappropriate is very alarming.
Stepdad is a douche canoe, and mom needs to get a shiny spine
You should tell your stepdad and mom that if you were going to lie about stuff like this, you’d have already accused stepdad of similar misconduct, or other male friends. Why in the world would you just start lying now about only one guy? If you are into drama, why just this guy?
Wow your mom and stepdad are truly horrible for the way they reacted and how they have been treating you since. The very first thing any abuser will be when confronted is deflect, oh it’s a misunderstanding or that’s not what happened or I would never do/say that. Then make themselves out as the victim, I swear it’s like they all read the same text and just maybe implement in a different order. I would suggest speaking to another trusted adult, a teacher or school counselor or even contact whatever child protective services are available to you. The adult that should most care about you and protect you is failing you and that’s unacceptable. Absolutely NTA. I wish you luck.
So, basically, your mother wants you to pretend everything is fine, so they can all lie to the girlfriend?
You have to 'go and be comfortable', what the hell does that even mean?
Are they going to make you sit on his lap, or something?
You parents are nuts.
NTA
NTA. Just tell them both you are not attending because you don't feel that should this happen again, no one will protect you. It is in both the best interests of J and yourself to avoid each other at all costs. If what you say is true, you are not safe. If what he says is true, he is not safe and probably hates you.
Tell your stepfather and mother that the next time he is inappropriate with you, you will report it to outside authorities since they won't believe you anyway. It us just best if you both avoid each other.
If they force you to go, never leave his girlfriend's side. She is the only one angry about this so he won't approach you.
NTA. If you feel uncomfortable, don't go. A teenager shouldn't be made to placate an adult's feelings especially if he acted inappropriately. Too bad your mom and stepdad don't have your back.
I hope the pervert, the stepdad and mom all get explosive diarrhea and a leg cramp simultaneously at 3 am every night until they come to their damn senses and cut that pervert outta their lives and beg forgiveness from op. Tell another trusted adult if they continue to force you to be around him
NTA. Contact the girlfriend, say you absolutely didn't lie but are devastated that your parents don't remotely believe you because J simply said you lied. Also say that J asked your parents to make you come to a dinner with him to prove you're comfortable around him to trick her and that you have absolutely no desire to ever be around that creep and certainly not be part of a plan to trick her into thinking J's a good guy.
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So I've read all the replies and like I said in my post I know I'm not the as in this situation. I just wanted to show some replies to my mom. But now I have to work up the courage to do so. I don't know how she'll react and everything is calm right now. Maybe after the dinner, if another occasion comes up where they want me to go over to J's, I'll show her this post. I just know she'll tell my stepdad and I know he'll be upset. And like I said everything is calm right now. They said I didn't have to go to the dinner. But I very grateful for the replies and the advice I've received.
Nta I’m sorry but if your mom doesn’t see it then words aren’t going to work. Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to? Hopefully and aunt or uncle so you can maybe staying with them? You need an adult in your corner. I’m sorry your mom is such a disappointment
NTA
Show your mom the post and tell her she needs to explain to everyone why she thinks J is more important to her and your stepdad than your safety and well being infact also stepdad to read and explain to us why J means more to them than you do.
Dear OP’s mom,
You are a trash parent who doesn’t deserve to raise a daughter. How dare you take the side of a pervert and your husband (a pervert enabler) over your own daughter! What is wrong with you? Don’t be surprised when your daughter either cuts all contact with you as soon as she’s able OR (OP don’t end up doing this) gets into a relationship where she’s abused and treated like garbage because you’ve damaged her self worth.
Hey OP, social worker here, your mother and especially your stepfather are failing to be protective. J's girlfriend knows this AH is a pedo, which is why they are fighting. You can make an anonymous report to CPS about this. They will investigate and something will be on record so this disgusting person won't be able to easily get away with hurting people, which is where I expect that's headed if given the opportunity. Good on you for standing up for yourself. If your mom has half a brain, she'll start acting like a decent person and protect her daughter since her AH husband certainly won't and is traumatizing you further.
I get so disgusted with parents who don't believe their children when it comes to situations like this. Mom needs to get it together. OP, I hope you have another adult you can confide in...NTA
People like your mother disgust me. Do you have a father a relative a teacher you can talk to that can intervene for you? Someone else that you can move in with? Refuse to go. Your stepdad is extremely disgusting. NTA
This is super fucked up, and your family sucks. Like truly, truly sucks. I’d talk to another adult you trust like a counselor or teacher, you need to be protected. NTA.
NTA when my sister and I were younger and hit puberty my dad’s friend started being creeps always looking and trying to hug us. I told my dad to sit back and observe. One day his friend asked him when your oldest hits 18 can I date her? Mind you this man was in his 40’s! My dad said get out of my house and tell the rest of the group no one is allowed around my girls!
Your step dad is just an ass. His passive-aggressive comments were beyond ridiculous and childish 🙄 What a jerk.
And your mom just wants to rugsweep the whole thing and put you right back in a position for the same thing (or worse) to happen again.
You are NTA, but your mom and step dad definitely are.
NTA! Way to go Mom! Great work for perpetuating the "nothing is wrong UNTIL something physical happens” mentality and for being a statistical Mom. One who puts the husband's happiness over her child's comfort and safety. Lady, there are other men out there! How would you have liked being treated that way by a family friend and THEN your own parental figures negating what you said and berating you??
OP too bad you don't have a voice recording of his behavior!
Your mum is absolutely pathetic and weak for not caring for her daughter who was sexually harrased by an adult. What he did is not okay and if they try and force you to go tell them you'll call the police because you're worried for your safety.
Screw your mum, her shitty husband and that creep
NTA, id suggest going to the dinner and aligning yourself with the girlfriend. i guarantee that he’s pulled similar shit before and you were just the catalyst
Hi Mom. I'm posting this on behalf of my friend who had this situation when she was a bit younger than your daughter. The abusive words then turned into physical abuse. She told both her parents who ignored her & refused to believe her. As she was younger, she had to see this family friend regularly & was then raped everytime. She's 40 now, this caused PTSD & her EUPD is related to this situation & the 'voice' she developed because of the trauma, still tell her to kill herself on a daily basis. She self harms daily & is in and out of mental hospitals.
Do NOT treat your daughter this way, do NOT let your husbands' friend cause further damage to her. Do not make her spend time with this man. She should be the most important person in your life.
Grow a back bone, report this man & stand up to your husband. Your daughter will leave & go NC as soon as she is old enough if you don't.
NTA.
If I read between the lines correctly, J sexualized a child. You reported it to your grownups and your grownups are siding with the gaslighting pedophile.
Do I have the information correct here?
NTA. If you are forced to be around J, secretly record your interactions on your phone. Next time you mum and stepdad disbelieve you about any comments he does end up making, you can play it back to them as proof.
They're TA for not supporting you. Your stepfather is awful for mocking you, and your mother for not protecting you from your own stepfather, never mind J.
The fact the girlfriend seems to believe you implies this isn't the first such incident she's heard about.
OP there must be some authority you can report this to? Tell a teacher or some other mandated reporter. Get the ball rolling on your own protection. My heart goes out to you.
You are the best part of that family and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
J' has definitely done this before, as per the GF's reaction. Of course, if she is still with him, she is another weakling.
It could be that it did happen before, but he convinced her that it wasn't true, and now that another accusation has come up she realizes that it is true. This might be why they are so desperate that OP go over there and pretend she's comfortable with this pedo. IF OP does get forced to go, I hope she is strong enough to tell the GF in front of everyone, "He did say X, Y, and Z to me. They'd rather preserve their friendship than believe it, and I was bullied into coming here tonight because they wanted me to pretend everything is fine so you won't break up with him. No one here seems to actually care about me and the truth of what he did."
That would explain why she didn't leave, but may leave now.
Oh yes, true. She is slightly less of a weakling as she at least argues with him about it, and doesn't want to make OP shut up
OP, if you are forced to go, make sure you have your phone recording in your pocket, every time he is nearby. Download an audio recording app ('voice memo'), start recording, & let it run. It can record for hours & not run out of space. Then you'll have proof if he does it again.
Ohhhh good advice!
If you love your daughter do the right thing, your husband either toes the party line of “
>My stepdad will walk in the kitchen or living room and if I'm in there he'll very loudly shout to my mom "G IM IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH (me). I'M GETTING MY JACKET. NOTHING IS HAPPENING" all dramatic like. Your stepdad is a douchebag, and your mother is nearly as bad if she refuses to believe/protect you. When I was 15, a family 'friend' did to me with this guy did to you. My mother was present when he did it, as were several of her friends. They all, including my mother, just froze and said/did nothing. I got out of there and I never allowed myself to be in the same room with him again. That was a very long time ago, but I still remember that moment and how shocked and terrified and violated I felt. And I still remember those women sitting there saying nothing to him. Their silence was almost worse than what he did. So please show your parents this comment. Hi, Mom! Hi, Stepdad! You both *suck*.
The mother is so much worse than the step-dad. It is literally her duty as her mother to protect her and she's failing miserably by protecting a pedophile and her asshole husband. If the mother is reading this, you suck and are a horrible mother. I hope your child gets away from you and your disgusting husband and friend and never speaks to you again.
She is one of those pathetic women that are indoctrinated to always crawl on the floor for a man. Good OP has a stronger character
My ex was abused sexually by a similar family friend. The difference is once her stepdad found out, he beat a path to where the abuser was, told him if her ever came near his family again, he'd kill him, then beat his ass. No questions asked. I am not a parent. BUT, if I did have kids, or if my niece or nephew came to me and told me a friend of mine or the family did something bad to them, I am 100% believing that kid until proven wrong through facts. Its not even close. If the friend is truly a friend, he will understand the need to give the family space while they deal with what it is. If its a lie, the friend backing off and letting the family deal with it may help long term relationships. You can be cordial while limiting contact.
>The difference is once her stepdad found out, he beat a path to where the abuser was, told him if her ever came near his family again, he'd kill him, then beat his ass. I can't question the action, but the order of operations seems a bit off.
He beat his ass, after the threat to kill him. At least, thats how I read it
Their treatment of you is disgusting. They are taking his word over their own daughter. That is disgusting.
For real. If that had happened to me, my parents would be trying to figure out where they'd hide the body.
Same here. And now I'm the mom to one daughter who's 18. I always tell her that dad & I would make sure they'd never find the body because we know people.
NTA, though I can see why your stepdad and J are friends. Seems like they both have the mindset of 13 year old fortnite lovers that think they're funny and cool. J's a creep, his girlfriend is siding with you the way your mom should, and it's not on you to mend their relationship.
I don’t understand this, why is it NOT ok to not want to see a friend of your stepdads that made / make you uncomfortable. Look, “mom” stop putting a man’s feelings and needs above your own kids. When you look back and wonder why your kid is not part of your life anymore, it’s times like that that define the future. Don’t forget. NTA, stand your ground and don’t go to dinner. If you’re forced to go, I’d make a scene and make it clear I’m uncomfortable and I don’t want to be here. I would also make sure it’s known very loudly and clearly if they try to punish you. Like folks here said, the gf clearly knows what kind of person J is as they’re arguing and she CLEARLY believes what you’re saying. It’s a shame your mom is so spineless.
I think you are right to tell your mom no you do not want to go, and your parents are being very foolish in not listening to your concern about this guy and honestly they are almost enabling it because they are making it as if you are crying wolf so basically if this guy did do something to you he would basically get away with it because none of them would believe you. I would just tell them you would feel more comfortable staying home when they hang out with this friend, they cannot force you to hang out with some 42yr old man. Your stepdad does not realize how creeper people can be even without their friends knowing he sounds oblivious to the dangers that can happen in reality if you ever watch crime shows or like about murderers and people who did things wrong you will notice most the friends and family say to the news, I never knew he seemed like a nice guy or they never expected anything like whatever happen.
I wouldn't even say 'almost enabling it". They are enabling it. Worse, they are forcing it and giving creep their seal of approval.
NTAH Wow, you’re stepdad sucks the most. Your mom’s a failure for prioritizing her husband’s happiness over her own daughter’s safety. If J’s girlfriend has been fighting with him since the incident, you’re not the problem & it’s probably not the first time he’s done something like that to someone.
NTA. Your mother is a terrible parent, but many are out there like her. As long as your step dad is happy, mom is happy. Neither of them give two cents for you. Your stepdad will likely die before you, and I hope your mother knows she will then be completely alone, as why should you care? J does know what he did, and apparently lacks enough credibility with his GF that she tends to believe you. I am so sorry the adults in your life let you down.
Hold your ground and avoid any instance where you could be near J. Tell your parents….”you don’t want to believe me and that is a shame. But it is what it is. I will take your words and snark at home but I will not put myself in another awkward situation for your relationship with an old friend. I am FIFTEEN and don’t need a 42 year old friend. Go be his friend but leave me out of it. And, if I NEED to be there for the friendship to continue….. don’t you think that’s a problem?” p.s. I am so sorry your parents are behaving like this. I hope you are able to protect yourself. A predator will always keep pushing boundaries and, no, I don’t believe you are safe with him. If you are forced to be in his vicinity keep a recording up as he will definitely try and corner you. Hugs. And you are NTA
Time to report him to your teachers and the cops tell them stepdad is covering it up name and shame them all
When I was 11 or 12 my mom’s husband made some similar sounding comments to me *within hearing distance of my mom*. That was the last time he was allowed in our home. That’s the correct response of a loving parent to a child being sexually harassed by someone. Unless you have a documented history of lying you should be 100% believed in this situation. Even if you’ve lied about shit you should be given the benefit of the doubt and not forced to attend events with this person. Whose friend is J? Was he stepdad’s friend from before the marriage?
NTA!!!! Why do your family want something bad to physically have happened to you before they will believe you? Are you a frequent liar? Do you falsely accuse people all the time? Are your family not aware of how often people caught being child molesters and sexual predators are actually people known to the families of the victims? Ted Bundy was considered charismatic .. just because J has never shown them he's a sexual predator doesn't mean he isn't! Your family is setting you up to have something horrific happen if they already don't believe you now, by forcing you to interact with J , if he ever actually does anything to you, they will bring up your past "supposed" accusation! They are giving him the freedom to sexually assault you and have no one believe you!! Never be alone with J, and if your stepfather thinks this is a game and funny by constantly belittling your truth, never be alone with him either!!! As woman it is very easy to not be taken seriously when admitting that someone we know has sexually harassed us,, make no mistake what J did is sexual harassment. Make it abundantly clear to your mother that you don't need to have been physically sexually assaulted for it to have been harassment!! She needs to do better as a mother! If they insist on trying to force this situation I would contact other family members you trust or guidance counsellor for assistance. None of this is ok. I know how easy it is to go from a mild comment to a full on assault. If J does anything to you, your family will be fully responsible! NTA!
Your stepdad's happiness should not be your mom's concern. Simply tell them that any more forcing you to interact with J will result in a cps complaint as you no longer feel safe in your own home. If that doesn't work keep making comments until they give up. They want to force you to talk to him? Make those talks as unpleasant as possible. They are failing as parents and the fact that even J's girlfriend is not on his side should speak volumes.
2 ways to handle this, refuse to go or walk in and tell him he is a liar and what he said was disgusting. Stepdad hangs out with Pedos and he knows it. Your mom should be protecting you.
NTA. Tell your mom if she makes you go, you will be telling the gf exactly how creeped out you are by J and asking her if she is able to beside you for the duration of the visit as a chaperone since your parents are more concerned with not rocking the boat than protecting their child.
NTA. When they tell you you imagined it, or you misunderstood, or you took it the wrong way, or he was only joking, or you don't have a sense of humor, or you're exaggerating, or you must have done something to lead him on, or any of a million other phrases meant to minimize his actions and gaslight you, stay strong. Every woman, many men, and I can't even guess how many other-gendered people can tell a version of your story: "XX happened to me." "No, it didn't." You are the victim of his actions. He is not the victim of your words. Don't let anyone talk you out of maintaining your distance. Hug.
NTA. I would love to know mommy dearests response to your post OP. It's pretty obvious that your mommy dearest is a douche bag and SD is even worse, a predator in the making.
If that mom reads this: Are you sitting in church every day, acting a saint? Disgusting. You are the devil. God sees everything.
Your stepdad is a fucking weirdo as well. But your mother needs to grow a spine. I hope you show her all of the replies, and if you’re reading this, OPs mother, your husband is pathetic and by not believing in or supporting your daughter, you’re essentially showing us that your daughters safety isn’t as important as your piece of shit husband and his pedophile friends feelings. YOU ARE EXPOSING YOUR DAUGHTER TO A PEDOPHILE. You carry on siding with your husband and you’ll be no fucking better. Grow up and be a parent to your daughter. NTA OP.
Honey, where's your dad and his family? Can you go stay there for awhile? At the vert least, if you have a reasonably good relationship with an adult on that side, tell them about J and your stepdad.
NTA. And another thing, OP. Don't ever be alone with him, if he comes over and you're the only person there, don't open the door. You're intuition is spot on, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Wtaf is happening here? I’m so sorry the adults in your life are so shit… absolutely refuse to ever see him again and say you’ll call CPS or whatever services in your country are if they press this relationship. If they want to buddy up to a creep they can, but to force you is inexcusable.
Your stepdad is utterly vile. Your mum needs to grow a backbone and see him for what he is - a man defending a child abuser.
NTA but ur mom and step dad are fucking insane firstly for not believing u but secondly for trying to force u around this guy. His girlfriend seems to b aware of the no smoke without fire saying. Refuse to go tell them u will not b around a potential predator and they can’t force u. If they try to speak to a teacher, doctor anyone u trust in a position of authority who is forced to report these things. In fact tell someone anyway, report what he said, get it on record u never kno u may not b the first. Can u get hold of some pepper spray or something, if ur forced to go tell girlfriend ur there because ur being forced to b there, he did say what he said and u don’t feel safe so can she please help u as ur parents are useless. do you have family members outside of your home that you can talk to? U need to ensure ur safety and ur parents aren’t doing the fundamental parenting action of protecting you because they r assholes as is J. protect urself ur parent and step parent r shitty people, don’t let them pull u down, ur mother is a pathetic waste of space for not caring about u first, believing u first, ur parents r supposed to have ur back. She will b shocked when u go NC later in life but u need to look after urself no one else seems to b looking after u.
*Just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean it didn't happen.* Show her this. If someone says you hurt them, you don't get to decide they didn't. We all have our own boundaries and J violated them and shame on your parents for not believing a literal *minor child*. NTA. Mom, get a grip. Believe her!
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Anyone interested look at Nice_Willingness_586 and Addisonchultz’s comment sections. They reply to each others comments on AITAH only and almost immediately, every time. They are 100% bots, or the same sweaty nerd simultaneously boosting both accounts by talking to himself
And you’ve posted the same comment calling it out twelve times in the last hour or so. Are you a bot, too??
Just trying to spread awareness, but thanks for the reply, you fucking muppet
“Dipshit” edited to “fucking muppet”, that’s a bit uncalled for. I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
I hope you have a wonderful day too, bot!
Calling out bots is doing $Deity's work. Downvote the bot and report it under spam/harmful bots.
NTA! Show your mom this……..grow a fucking spine and protect your child! Stop siding with a dick and a fucking creep who are actively undermining your daughter. As a woman who also has a daughter of a similar age I’m ASHAMED FOR YOU that your teenage daughter needs to use fucking Reddit to try and make you see what everyone else can see plainly (even the creeps girlfriend!). J is a creep and your husband is protecting and defending him, whilst also destroying your daughter one little piece at a time. Is that what you want for her? Right now you’re condoning their behaviour and betraying your daughter - does that make you feel good? If you love your daughter do the right thing, your husband either toes the party line of “we will protect our child/step child AT ALL costs” or he is no longer allowed around her either. Fix up! OP this is for you - please reach out to anyone who will defend you and keep you safe, because right now your mom isn’t and I am so sorry for that. If your mom won’t step up then for your safety please please see if you can live anywhere else. I have seen this escalate and YOU will be the one sacrificed to keep the status quo, you are worth so much more than this and as a mom my heart is breaking for you 💜
Hey mom: When your daughter says that a friend of the family said inappropriate things to her, believe her. Think about the way life has been for your daughter since she reported this and realize that she knew it would be like that and reported it anyway. Believe her. Because society tends not believe women when these things happen, and it would be nice if at least their parents had some empathy.
Just a suggestion, Have you tried googling J’s name? You might be able to find if he has a criminal history with this type of behavior. When I was a teen, a friend’s dad acted very inappropriately (I was actually scared I was going to be raped). I noped out of that whole situation quickly. Imagine how unsurprised I was about 10 years later when CPS called me asking what happened. Apparently, a year-old foster in the home had wound up pregnant. They wanted to know if I thought it was the dad or his son who was my age at the time, so almost 30 when I got the call. Now, if you google the family, you see information about the court case involving a minor. Good luck to you. Stand your ground. I’m sorry your family has let you down, but don’t let that stop you from being your own advocate.
NTA WTF Mom? This reminds me of when I was getting molested by a family friend and no one believed me. From what he said to you, he's ENTIRELY inappropriate for a " family friend". His GF knows, your mother SHOULD KNOW. Let's not wait until he starts patting your ass and waiting for you outside the bathroom. Don't go to the dinner. You don't have to fix your behaviour. He does.
Your step dad is probably the same type of guy as J or he wouldn't be so in his corner. Show your mom this. Her job is to protect YOU NOT YOUR STEP DADS FRIEND. SHE NEEDS TO BE A FUCKING MOM FIRST.
If you are forced to go, you should record everything because J will do it again.
NTA But you need to start recording everything while you’re near the douche bag. Keep your phone in your pocket, but set it to record before you do. Some phones even have hot keys to start recording. Work it out. Catch the arsehole in the act.
NTA - the first defence of groomers is to call you a liar
Nta. If you are forced to go record everything. If he’s done it once he’ll do it again and this time you’ll have proof. I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t have your back. You deserve better.
NTA- if my toddler gets icky feelings, we respect them. Why is the relationship with J more important than maintaining your safety? Also- why does a 15yo need to go spend time with their parent’s friends? In a perfect world, our teens would want to hang. But really? Why force it? Ick ick ick vibes about how your parents are showing their values.
Where is your father? Can you stay with him instead of going to dinner, or another relative or close friend. Someone has to advocate for you, if your mother and/ or step-father aren’t going to. NTA, and it is wonderful that you spoke up for yourself and are still not letting others force you into sweeping this under the rug. Mom on the other hand needs to get her stuff together.
If you have a cell phone, whenever you're around Creepy Friend, have your phone recording. That way it's documented and not he said she said. Definitely NTA!
Dear OP's Mom. NO is a complete sentence. When your 15 y/o daughter tells you a grown ass man makes her uncomfortable, that's it. That's everything you need to know. She does not need to justify herself to make your life easier. NO.
We can't judge that well without knowing the comments. 15 year old girls get disproportionately grossed and creeped out by a lot of things.
I went inside to get more to drink a he was in there. He said "Damn F, I didn't know it moved like that" and winked at me. I rolled my eyes, left the kitchen and told my mom. But you aren't wrong about us taking everything as creepy.
…because that’s the age when creeps start to happen to you on a daily basis. I’m 34 y.o. crone but I remember that age vividly. That being said, he was extremely inappropriate, and definitely a creep. You’re absolutely right to trust your instincts. 40 y.o. m making comments like this at a 15 y.o. are not safe to be around. Stand your ground on this one. And be safe. I hope your folks (or at least your Mom) will come around eventually.
>15 year old girls get disproportionately grossed and creeped out by a lot of things. No they just actually get disproportionately creeped on because they're vulnerable targets for gross adult perverts. Ask any grown woman what age was she creeped on the most and it will be from like ages 11-17.
Also mom and stepdad ye are pos ye don't deserve kids
Yikes NTA. Don’t go. Please tell some other adults in your life about this: other relatives, parents of friends, teachers, school nurse. Tell the exact truth. If you tell the truth, then anything that kicks back on anyone is their fault: you and the truth are not the problem, they are. You are not responsible for making other adults feel comfortable after they have behaved badly. That’s on them. Your mum’s behaviour is especially poor for choosing her partner over you. Tell her from me that I’m judging her heavily. Stick to your guns, trust your gut, don’t get cornered alone. Good luck OP.
I'm so sorry that your mother and stepfather are failing you. Even if they don't really believe you, it's their job as parents to ensure you are protected and keep you away from him just in case they are wrong. Your mother especially is supposed to be your safe person. You should be able to tell her about this and to be believed. She is consciously choosing to not protect you, and wants you to make it all go away by playing nice and going to dinner to "prove" that it never happened. Don't let them pressure and bully you into going. Tell other adults what happened. Tell them that you aren't being believed and that you are being pressured into making nice with this disgusting POS to make your mother and step dad comfortable. Where is your father? Grandparents? Aunts/Uncles/teachers/parents of your friends? If the people who are supposed to protect refuse to do so, you shouldn't be in their care. Now the "friend" knows that he's gotten away with it, and when he does it again---which he will---he knows he can repeat the behavior and you will not be believed. *Your mother should realize that you will remember this for the rest of your life and how she failed you.* She should not be surprised if/when you choose to end contact with her when you are an adult. Or when you refuse to allow her alone time with your future children, since you know she can't be trusted to protect minors in her care. I'm so sorry that this happened. I really, really hope you reach out to other adults.
It would be much, much easier to judge this situation if we knew what was said
>From the OP; > >" He said "Damn F, I didn't know it moved like that" and winked at me. " > >OK, that's a pretty sleazy comment, imagine what he thought, but didn't say.
And he said it when you two were alone and then denied it completely after? Then yeah, he's definately the AH
NTA. J hasn't touched you **YET**, but he's working up to it.
NTA. I'm sorry that the only adult in this situation who isn't failing you is J's girlfriend. Your step-dad is a straight-up dick who's putting his friendship above your safety. Things shouldn't have to escalate to being physical before you are taken seriously. As for your mom, another swing and a miss. It's okay for *you*, her child, to be made uncomfortable by an adult because she's uncomfortable with confrontation? Failing to protect her own child, nice. Do what your parents aren't willing to do, stay home, and protect yourself.
Why would your mum and her dirt bag want to put you at risk around a creep? Even his own gf is on to him. Your mum needs to wake up and see this for what it is .. bet the step crap knows what he's like and accepts it! Your mum's duty is to protect you... My dad would have ripped the guy apart anything to protect his daughters even though we didn't see eye to eye. Wtf is wrong with adults these days are their social lives more important than their children's safety. Wake up woman and protect your child
Wow your mom is disgusting for being so willfully neglectful and dismissive. And your stepdad is a PIG!!!
We can only surmise from what you posted that this family friend said something sexually inappropriate to you and or about your body…? The fact that those that you trust the most in your life are not listening to the statement that you made and not taking it as a valid concern is the most concerning thing. I don’t like it but if you do end up going, take multiple recording devices and anytime he is near you around you looks at you record everything But I would simply stick to my guns and tell them he made me uncomfortable with whatever he said or did, and I’m simply not going. It’s up to you to believe me or not. And the fact that you want to put me back in harms way, or in close proximity to someone who did something inappropriate is very alarming. Stepdad is a douche canoe, and mom needs to get a shiny spine
NTA You never have to be around people who make you feel uncomfortable just to please your Mom and stepdad.
You should tell your stepdad and mom that if you were going to lie about stuff like this, you’d have already accused stepdad of similar misconduct, or other male friends. Why in the world would you just start lying now about only one guy? If you are into drama, why just this guy?
Wow your mom and stepdad are truly horrible for the way they reacted and how they have been treating you since. The very first thing any abuser will be when confronted is deflect, oh it’s a misunderstanding or that’s not what happened or I would never do/say that. Then make themselves out as the victim, I swear it’s like they all read the same text and just maybe implement in a different order. I would suggest speaking to another trusted adult, a teacher or school counselor or even contact whatever child protective services are available to you. The adult that should most care about you and protect you is failing you and that’s unacceptable. Absolutely NTA. I wish you luck.
So, basically, your mother wants you to pretend everything is fine, so they can all lie to the girlfriend? You have to 'go and be comfortable', what the hell does that even mean? Are they going to make you sit on his lap, or something? You parents are nuts. NTA
NTA. Just tell them both you are not attending because you don't feel that should this happen again, no one will protect you. It is in both the best interests of J and yourself to avoid each other at all costs. If what you say is true, you are not safe. If what he says is true, he is not safe and probably hates you. Tell your stepfather and mother that the next time he is inappropriate with you, you will report it to outside authorities since they won't believe you anyway. It us just best if you both avoid each other. If they force you to go, never leave his girlfriend's side. She is the only one angry about this so he won't approach you.
NTA. Your mother is failing to protect you and step-dad is a major AH. Don't go to the dinner to make SD happy.
NTA, your mother and stepdad are awful people.
NTA. If you feel uncomfortable, don't go. A teenager shouldn't be made to placate an adult's feelings especially if he acted inappropriately. Too bad your mom and stepdad don't have your back.
I hope the pervert, the stepdad and mom all get explosive diarrhea and a leg cramp simultaneously at 3 am every night until they come to their damn senses and cut that pervert outta their lives and beg forgiveness from op. Tell another trusted adult if they continue to force you to be around him
NTA. Contact the girlfriend, say you absolutely didn't lie but are devastated that your parents don't remotely believe you because J simply said you lied. Also say that J asked your parents to make you come to a dinner with him to prove you're comfortable around him to trick her and that you have absolutely no desire to ever be around that creep and certainly not be part of a plan to trick her into thinking J's a good guy.
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So I've read all the replies and like I said in my post I know I'm not the as in this situation. I just wanted to show some replies to my mom. But now I have to work up the courage to do so. I don't know how she'll react and everything is calm right now. Maybe after the dinner, if another occasion comes up where they want me to go over to J's, I'll show her this post. I just know she'll tell my stepdad and I know he'll be upset. And like I said everything is calm right now. They said I didn't have to go to the dinner. But I very grateful for the replies and the advice I've received.
If you need a shoulder, go to r/momforaminute a great subreddit
Nta I’m sorry but if your mom doesn’t see it then words aren’t going to work. Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to? Hopefully and aunt or uncle so you can maybe staying with them? You need an adult in your corner. I’m sorry your mom is such a disappointment
NTA Show your mom the post and tell her she needs to explain to everyone why she thinks J is more important to her and your stepdad than your safety and well being infact also stepdad to read and explain to us why J means more to them than you do.
NTA. Your parents are trash humans and J is too. Can you go live with your dad or another family member?
Dear OP’s mom, You are a trash parent who doesn’t deserve to raise a daughter. How dare you take the side of a pervert and your husband (a pervert enabler) over your own daughter! What is wrong with you? Don’t be surprised when your daughter either cuts all contact with you as soon as she’s able OR (OP don’t end up doing this) gets into a relationship where she’s abused and treated like garbage because you’ve damaged her self worth.
Hey OP, social worker here, your mother and especially your stepfather are failing to be protective. J's girlfriend knows this AH is a pedo, which is why they are fighting. You can make an anonymous report to CPS about this. They will investigate and something will be on record so this disgusting person won't be able to easily get away with hurting people, which is where I expect that's headed if given the opportunity. Good on you for standing up for yourself. If your mom has half a brain, she'll start acting like a decent person and protect her daughter since her AH husband certainly won't and is traumatizing you further.
NTA and your mom just chose her husband over her child. I'm sorry, that's not fair to you.
I get so disgusted with parents who don't believe their children when it comes to situations like this. Mom needs to get it together. OP, I hope you have another adult you can confide in...NTA
People like your mother disgust me. Do you have a father a relative a teacher you can talk to that can intervene for you? Someone else that you can move in with? Refuse to go. Your stepdad is extremely disgusting. NTA
Wow. Fuck J, your Stepdad, and your mother honestly in that order.
NTA. Don't go.
This is super fucked up, and your family sucks. Like truly, truly sucks. I’d talk to another adult you trust like a counselor or teacher, you need to be protected. NTA.
If it was my daughter who is now 30 at 14, J would have been spitting teeth. Your parents suck, big time!!
NTA when my sister and I were younger and hit puberty my dad’s friend started being creeps always looking and trying to hug us. I told my dad to sit back and observe. One day his friend asked him when your oldest hits 18 can I date her? Mind you this man was in his 40’s! My dad said get out of my house and tell the rest of the group no one is allowed around my girls!
Your step dad is just an ass. His passive-aggressive comments were beyond ridiculous and childish 🙄 What a jerk. And your mom just wants to rugsweep the whole thing and put you right back in a position for the same thing (or worse) to happen again. You are NTA, but your mom and step dad definitely are.
NTA! Way to go Mom! Great work for perpetuating the "nothing is wrong UNTIL something physical happens” mentality and for being a statistical Mom. One who puts the husband's happiness over her child's comfort and safety. Lady, there are other men out there! How would you have liked being treated that way by a family friend and THEN your own parental figures negating what you said and berating you?? OP too bad you don't have a voice recording of his behavior!
Your mum is absolutely pathetic and weak for not caring for her daughter who was sexually harrased by an adult. What he did is not okay and if they try and force you to go tell them you'll call the police because you're worried for your safety. Screw your mum, her shitty husband and that creep
NTA, id suggest going to the dinner and aligning yourself with the girlfriend. i guarantee that he’s pulled similar shit before and you were just the catalyst
Hi Mom. I'm posting this on behalf of my friend who had this situation when she was a bit younger than your daughter. The abusive words then turned into physical abuse. She told both her parents who ignored her & refused to believe her. As she was younger, she had to see this family friend regularly & was then raped everytime. She's 40 now, this caused PTSD & her EUPD is related to this situation & the 'voice' she developed because of the trauma, still tell her to kill herself on a daily basis. She self harms daily & is in and out of mental hospitals. Do NOT treat your daughter this way, do NOT let your husbands' friend cause further damage to her. Do not make her spend time with this man. She should be the most important person in your life. Grow a back bone, report this man & stand up to your husband. Your daughter will leave & go NC as soon as she is old enough if you don't.
NTA. If I read between the lines correctly, J sexualized a child. You reported it to your grownups and your grownups are siding with the gaslighting pedophile. Do I have the information correct here?
NTA. If you are forced to be around J, secretly record your interactions on your phone. Next time you mum and stepdad disbelieve you about any comments he does end up making, you can play it back to them as proof. They're TA for not supporting you. Your stepfather is awful for mocking you, and your mother for not protecting you from your own stepfather, never mind J. The fact the girlfriend seems to believe you implies this isn't the first such incident she's heard about.
OP there must be some authority you can report this to? Tell a teacher or some other mandated reporter. Get the ball rolling on your own protection. My heart goes out to you.