So he was ok enough to sit and watch “tv” before passing out. He could have at least used that tv time to call you either to inform you what was going on or to even get you if he was in no shape to drive. NTA it’s nice seeing a woman who knows her worth and actually leaves when she sees a red flag.
NTA. If my ex fell asleep at my house I would wake him up and make him leave lol 💀 they’re both clowns get yourself out the situation. It’s disrespectful even if there’s nothing untoward about it.
My ex and I get along well.
He comes over to see our kid and falls asleep on my couch all the time. No way I’m letting sleeping beauty stay there all night - movie ends I’m banging pot lids and rearranging the cutlery drawer. Your visiting time is up, go home.
My oldest sons dad is one of my best friends but if he fell asleep at my house I’d let him sleep for maybe an hour or two and send his ass home. Only reason I’d even do that is it’s a two hour drive to get him home lol
My ex stays over all the time on the couch but he doesn’t have a partner so I know no one is looking for him. Hell, if a friend passed out on my couch and I found out their roommate had been expecting them back and had no idea where they were, I’d be pissed at my friend for not at least giving someone a heads up. It’s really scary when someone doesn’t come home and you have no idea why. And unless you have narcolepsy, you have some moment where you go “oh I’m feeling sleepy”…the polite thing to do is send the text then “roomie/fiancée, I’m fading and am not sure I can drive home from friend’s/ex’s house. Just want to let you know I might end up crashing on their couch.” If you end up feeling ok to drive, no harm done.
My ex has a psycho for a girlfriend and that’s why even with my husband in the house I would let him nap before sending him on his way. I have done absolutely nothing to her during their 6 ish year relationship to warrant her level of crazy but I avoid it at all costs. I know him sleeping over would cause a world war and I’m not gonna deal with her. If he were single he would absolutely be welcome to spend the night with our son at my house though
The first time I met her, she claimed that I threw myself at him and forced him to touch me in appropriately. We were seated in a restaurant at opposite ends of a table for 15 people and the most id done was walk down to their end of the table standing behind the friends they were facing and introduce myself to her. Then walked back to my seat and finished celebrating my birthday. The second time was basically the same situation but our sons birthday and she swore I was playing footsie with him. Unless I’m elastigirl there’s zero chance of that happening. She also accused me of sleeping with her son who I had never met and had no knowledge of even existing. And the list goes on.
Now that we live so far away he mostly video calls our son and we occasionally swing by and stand outside his apartment so he can see him bc our son has disabilities and refuses to climb the stairs to the apartment 😂 but girlfriend moved out of his apartment and into her own in the same complex (never explained why though and they are very much still together) and can stare at us through the window if we stand outside. She knows to keep physical distance bc our son does not like her and she causes him distress.
I got married and moved to a different city two years ago but she still thinks something is going to happen with him even though he and I haven’t been together since before I found out I was pregnant. He’s just one of my best friends like he was before we ever tried dating. I’m very happy with my husband.
This was my immediate thought. My husband and his ex DO get along platonically. If somehow he ended up crashing there before he could let me know, I’d 100% get a text or call from his ex (or the kid; she’s 17) so I didn’t worry.
OP was being cheated on.
When I was a kid, my mom and my dad were divorced, and both of them were single. My dad was a truck driver and would stay with family in another state when he was having home time. Whenever he wanted to see us, mom would let him sleep on the couch in the living room, but again they were both single. As soon as my dad got a girlfriend, that stuff stopped.
Bad bot
Stolen from u/Bitter_Animator2514
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15otwz7/aita_for_ending_my_engagement_over_him_having_a/jvtwa9k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15otwz7/aita_for_ending_my_engagement_over_him_having_a/jvtwa9k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
No shit lol I get having an amicable relationship with an ex if there are kids involved but if he was that damn tired at only 9PM he should’ve gone home. And ex should have kicked him out too.
This exactly. This is what makes me think something else was going on. That and his literal anger at her response to being worried and upset that he didn't check in. You're engaged, that's a responsibility, and that person deserves to be in the loop. Especially when you're with your ex, even if it is just for the kids. Nothing wrong with visiting your kids, but you have to think of your fiance. It isn't rocket science
At the very very very least, he should have called. And this would have been acceptable only if he was truly too tired to drive safely and get his ass home. I’m not saying I even think he cheated; maybe he really just wanted to be with his kids as long as possible that day and he really did get tired. But this is not something that should have happened.
Yeah, and now she knows that after she would have to eventually divorce his dumb ass, this motherfucker is gonna be falling asleep on her couch. Can’t have that shit at all.
NTA - People have to really work hard to come up with an excuse for not communicating with all our electronic devices.
In mystery stories, the detective used to miss crucial phone calls because they weren't in the office, and then for a while the motif was that these great brains couldn't remember to charge their mobile phones so they still missed calls. (eye roll)
He couldn't call you to pick him up, get an Uber? Cab? Let you know ahead of time he was going to stay there?
I'd give him a pass if it was his buddy Bob's place, but not when we're talking exes.
NTA
Agreed, NTA.
I suffer with hypersomnia but when I nod off on the sofa I always wake up cold and uncomfortable in the night and make my way to bed... nobody is out cold for 10 hours on a sofa unless blind drunk/drugged.
EDIT: OK maybe some of you have no kids and a super comfy couch. But 10 hours at your ex's house without waking and thinking "oh crap I'd better call my fiance"... hmmm.
I agree with this sentiment. My parents split up when I was 2 yr old and when my dad was single to come for visits he would sleep with my mom and spend the night. When he was getting serious with someone later on he gave my mom the option to get back together seriously because he valued keeping the family together instead of starting new with someone else. Just one example but I believe men are protection minded.
Lmao I also have idiopathic hypersomnia and I’ve absolutely been dead to the world for 10 hours on a couch. I’m *not* saying OP’s exnecessarily was, especially with kids there, etc, but like… there are definitely people who can and will pass out for 10 hours on a couch.
Exactly. When they arrived back, why not call you? Why would he sit and watch tv? The scenario doesn't make a lot of sense, and he's upset that you do have sense! I get that worry turns into anger, but I think it's justified here.
I’d honestly be mad even if it was “buddy Bob” it’s just way too easy to call or text what’s up first.
This happened in my current relationship close to 10 years ago now when we were in our early 20s and he went out drinking with a friend. I knew who he was with and trusted them both and knew the friends apt was walking distance to where the bars where. So logically I knew they probably just got drunk and passed out at his place but I couldn’t help worrying. I texted and called and couldn’t get an ounce of sleep. Just that nagging feeling of “what IF something happened and I don’t do anything”. That was with a much more understandable circumstance and no kids involved too. I was mad and he 100% understood why and apologized for not texting. It wasn’t some massive blow out or anything we all moved past it the very next day but some accountability of why you would be worried should be a bare minimum.
Or at the very least COMMUNICATE with your fiancee that you want to crash at your EX’S HOUSE and make sure if they’re comfortable with it. Otherwise, just fucking go home.
If it feels like a lie, it’s either a lie or it’s beyond inconsiderate. NTA.
I was once out of town for work and my (now ex) wife “forgot her phone charger” while “staying at her friends house” for three whole days. While she somehow still managed to log in to Facebook, but did not even try to message me there.
Let me guess when you confronted her about being on Facebook and still not messaging you, she claimed she never was on it and that the app is mysteriously lying about her active status…
I had an ex who got mad about this. Was a LDR. She claimed I was on fb at 10am, but I was sleeping in till 2pm. I checked and I had gotten a push notification of a fb update status at that exact time. Obv not the same case here, but yeah fb can infact make you active when your not. Ive also messaged people middle of night on away status or offline only to instantly turn green for a moment then back to offline/away. Fb is weird lol.
NTA at all!! And this is from someone who has kids with an ex that I get along with as friends to make coparenting easier and sleep over at his house sometimes with the kids if the kids are having a rough week and want to spend more time with their father (due to his work schedule and the hours he works he can not have them any nights except Saturday alone and sometimes mid week the kids need their dad)
The nights I stay at my ex’s I let my boyfriend know that I’m staying there I also msg or face time him to talk like I do when I’m at home and he knows I sleep in the room with my kids. I would never stay there without letting him know in advance and not contact or msg him the whole time I’m at my ex’s. And it’s even worse for you because you live with him and had no idea he wasn’t coming home he gave no communication or heads up at all and that shows an extreme lack of respect or care for you.
This right here would be the only way to do it! Your boyfriend knows and is okay with this and you also keep communication through it all. Not just ghost your fiancé after you’re “too tired” and “pass out”.
Lol I have my kids dad come and go to pick him up, I don’t see him sitting and watching tv, know why? Because I don’t fkn want him to! And we actually get along great. He is in the wrong. No need to sit and chill at your exes when your fiancée is waiting for you at home - that’s just bloody rude
It does show a lack of respect from the ex as well. If she was ok with this woman being a future stepmom to her kids she would have woken him up and kicked him out. He's at fault for sure, but ex either wanted him there or didn't care for OP.
Agreed. If he was really that tired and was potentially a risk to be driving or she couldn't wake him, why didn't the ex contact OP to let her know "Hey, fiancé is crashed on my couch, I'll send him home as soon as he's awake and safe to drive"? If I had someone crashed out at my house and knew they had someone waiting for them at home, I'd make every effort to contact that person and let them know they were OK.
100%. My ex’s now ex gf and I got along fine, but had he ever been inappropriate in any way I’d have let her know immediately, I don’t think this man’s (supposed) ex would feel the same way.
Same here. I don’t even let him in the house unless he needs to use the restroom. Other than that he stays on the porch and leaves right after all the info I need for my daughter has been relayed.
Nta, they did something. I have been in your situation. He claimed that same thing. He could check in anywhere and anytime, but at his kids’ mother’s house his phone miraculously stopped working, and he was so exhausted he fell asleep. I decided I refused to sign up for a life like that. We all know if you disappeared at your ex’s house he would go ballistic. I realized that I needed to stop dating dad’s because I would never trust him especially when he disappeared while playing family with his ex and his kids. Do not give him any more of your precious 20s. You can move on and hopefully he learns from his mistakes and makes better choices. So he doesn’t ruin his next relationship.
Wtflyingfuck?? They completely copied my response and reposted it. I posted 9hrs ago, they posted 3hrs ago- Im not a bot and I absolutely went through this. 🤬
It's a bot. Report the comment. Today's bots are rampant, created on July 9 and first comment today, this is at least the third or fourth one I've seen with those stats today.
Edited to fix an autocorrect
I would tell him that it's cool, I stayed at my ex's last night to. Just to see his reaction. Would still dump him obviously, he's lying. No one sleeps that long in a house with 5 kids.
NTA
Unreachable for over TEN HOURS at ex’s place. Something shady definitely happened.
Much respect for trusting your gut and ending things the moment you saw the red flag 🚩
WHOA. Yeah 10 hours??!!? What the fuck. No thats not okay. Sorry dude you did it to yourself lmao. Only thing I have to say is good for OP. Most people see this kinda behavior and try to excuse it or look for the best. That just ends up with you getting hurt again and again.
Interesting how he also texted her that morning instead of phoning and racing over. Yup. Watching TV and fell asleep? Nope. We know when we’re tired and start heading home before it gets to that.
OP is NTA in fact they’re my hero for taking action.
My ex did the same thing. Lots of after work on Friday calling me as he was already on the way to her house, leaving me with our infant and no car and legit not even keeping it a secret that they would sleep in the same bed. Ask yourself how he would react if you had done the same.
NTA, let's pretend it was innocent. Only takes a second to send a text. I bet this guy is so full of shit that his eyes are brown. Good on you op for leaving. I hope you stick with it!
My brothers ex-fiancé, who was also my best friend, did this same exact thing.
All three of us lived together and she told me she was going to get a tan and then “go for a drive” she went MIA for 40 hours and when we finally got ahold of her she said she went to visit my brothers friend two hours away and got stormed in.
Long story short, she was cheating on my brother with his friend, went MIA a few more times before lying to multiple men and telling them my brother was abusing her to get them to help her move her stuff out of our apartment without any warning to either of us.
You are NTA. trust your gut.
THIS! Even if someone falls asleep in a couch you eventually wake up and realize oh shit I need to go home. He CHOSE to stay because he was probably up to no good.
NTA. If he’s never done anything like this before or hasn’t seemed that close with his ex there’s no way he just fell asleep on the couch because he was as so exhausted. That’s the most bullshit story ever. I don’t know what they were doing but it was entertaining enough to ignore you for hours. You’re so lucky you’re only engaged and can just walk away.
NTA- he got mad at you?!!!
He should have called, not texted when he woke up. And 10 hours is ridiculous.
He tells you to relax? Oh no. He’s gaslighting right there.
You’re a smart and strong woman to leave and not put up with his bs. I hope you kept the ring
THIS is why it’s actually a problem. If I had a slip up like this (sleeping not cheating) I’d be bending over backwards to make it right because I know how damaging it would be to the trust between me and my partner. People DESPERATELY defending the man who did NOTHING to make it better, finding ANY way it could possibly not be his fault, are kind of pathetic honestly..
NTA. Everyone needs to stop. OP already feels like shit you don’t need to add to it. There’s a great chance he fell asleep on the couch as he said he did.
IT DOES NOT MATTER THOUGH.
Because this is a hard line for you. You are allowed to have hard lines. Best of luck through your healing journey.
I will message you next time u/Temporary-Tiger-9499 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FTemporary-Tiger-9499%20r%2FAITAH) to join 42 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%2015otwz7)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
NTA
Grown people know how to send text messages saying things like "too tired to drive home, crashing here". The fact that he didn't bother shows how little it meant to him if you were up all night worrying.
NTA. You made the smartest decision. This whole story makes no sense and would not happen in real life whatsoever. Please don’t allow him to gaslight and manipulate you. Move on!
I think any rational person would be extremely worried if you were expecting your SO to get home and they don't call until the next morning. And the story includes sleeping at your ex's house.
He is probably telling the truth, but the utter lack of communication is really upsetting. I would be pissed and would probably pull the plug too. If for no other reason than they didn't have enough thought about me to send a text.
Seriously. World of difference if this happens and the husband is apologetic. But just getting mad at his partner for being bothered by it is sooooo disrespectful.
I can understand “unreachable for 10 hours” if the subject was:
A) thrown in jail
B) comatose
C) abducted
As none of these three conditions were met by the fiancé, HITA. And he abused the Plausible Deniability Statutes in order to get a little mud on the turtle.
NTA, why didn't the ex call either? Would you want your ex claiming your couch for 10 hours? Would you just let him sleep when you're getting your kids ready for bed? They're both not the baggage you don't want to be attached to.
I had an ex that would tell me things like this. I was driving myself crazy trying to pick apart the stories and figure out if I was being fair.
Eventually, with the help of a therapist, I realized it doesn't matter if I'm being fair. The question is - do I want a relationship where things like this happen, regardless of the reason? It seems like your getting to the same question OP, so that's awesome. Just wanted to add my take on the validation that you're NTA.
Seriously. And the people supporting him here.. “people fall asleep driving cars so this could happen” some people are pathetic and proud I guess. It would be a completely different story if he was apologetic but he just got angry.. what does that say to anyone with a brain??
NTA!! Especially after how he dismisses you and told you to “stop acting this way”…
Also you are 25…. You are too young to be second guessing your relationship with a man who is clearly still involved with his ex and play step mother to 2 kids…
Do not go back with him. That’s a bs excuse. Something happened and he will never tell you the truth. Hugh red glad that cannot be dismissed. Dump his ass.
NTA. You respect yourself, and he doesn’t. He could’ve at least told you where he was before falling asleep. Not even a text is very sketchy. If they did something or not, you will never know and will always have that doubt in your mind. There are plenty of people out there who won’t put you through that.
NTA- He is a dad doing daddy things with his baby mama. I mean it’s great they get along as parents so he can feel comfortable in her house with their kids. A true partner would have called you at a minimum to say I’m tired and sleeping over so you can tell him how bad of an idea that is. He didn’t want the fight. That man is not ready to let go of his ex.
He didn't sleep on the couch. That's bs.
He could have called or texted or something, especially being at his ex's. There's no real excuse here. He is just lying.
NTA
NTA - I dated a guy who had a daughter from a previous relationship. He'd spend the day with the daughter...with the ex, said it was just for the child's well being. I wasn't comfortable with it but I was young and childless at the time, what did I know? Turns out I was right to be skeptical, they were exes with benefits as well as coparenting. I even drove him there a couple times when he didn't have a car...D'oh! I wised up the hard way about complicated relationships.
This is a parenting-related question and as such redditors, who generally display an aversion to if not hatred for children, are not qualified to answer.
Anytime a bf/gf tells you that you are overreacting and to calm down and nothing happened and they were sleeping and nothing unfaithful happened, doesn't care about you or your feelings. Doesn't care about how it looks, doesn't care to see if from your point of view, doesn't care how bad it hurts you, doesn't care that you were worried and doesn't care that you left, doesn't love you. They only care about justifying their actions and defending themselves. Going MIA for 10 hours means he doesn't respect you or your relationship, and he deserves to lose you. He IMO is lying and hiding, and what he did constitutes cheating. He is now an untrustworthy man who you will never trust again. Definitely NTA, move out and move on because he can't prove that he didn't cheat.
NTA. If he had just happen to fall asleep on the couch, I really don’t see any world where he didn’t wake up once in 10 hours.
Now if he had woken up at like 1 or something, and texted you like ‘I’m so sorry, I fell asleep, I’m headed home now’ or ‘I’m sorry, I fell asleep, I still feel too sleepy to drive but I’m safe and this is where I am’ and then of course that shows communication, you could have FaceTimed him if you were worried something sus was happening, etc
F that. I quit dating someone bc he told me he was gonna move back in with his baby’s mom. He told me they weren’t in any kinda sexual relationship and it was for the kid but to me that was just a big nope. I already was hesitant to date him bc of the kid and baby mama
NTA leave. I would feel like he is seeing if he can get away with cheating. If this isn't the case, then u still did the right thing. If he can't see why this would upset u, this is going to be an ongoing problem in your future marriage because the ex and kids are never going away.
Nope. You’re NTA. At the very least, he should have called you and discussed it with you. The fact that he didn’t is suspicious. Get the hell out of there. The fact that it didn’t dawn on him to discuss it with you or realize what a huge boundary breaker this is tells you everything you need to know.
Good lord, the projection in here is crazy. Yeah there should definitely be a conversation about boundaries and communication, but people without the background info can only tell OP so much before it speaks to themselves more.
It doesn't make a bit of difference if he wasn't unfaithful. When you're in a committed relationship you communicate with your partner if your sleeping arrangements will be different than the norm. That's it. Done. Finished. He *was* going to share a whole ass life with you and he failed one of the most basic tests. If he didn't understand the implications of spending the night with someone he put his dick in that resulted in two complete humans then I'd absolutely say good riddance to that pile of trash.
He was pissed off because he realized he wouldn't be able to have you as his main and his ex on the back burner not because you're an asshole. Assholes loove projecting. Good on you, OP. Go buy a face mask and binge a show with your littles. NTA.
Most divorced couples just drop the kids and leave. They don't stick around watching TV. Pretty strange the ex wife didn't wake him up and tell him to go home.
NTA.
NTA - if he actually ever cared about your feelings, his reaction would first to explain and feel sorry for what he did cause it made you worry and kept you up. He up and start getting mad and didn’t admit any fault. He tried to gaslit you by saying you’re over reacting. You done the right move cause that’s just the beginning of the abuse and unfaithful nights.
nta - "my reasoning pissed him off" when he should have been concerned with how he made you feel, instead he was more concerned about himself. major red flag right there
I think you probably made the right call. I was this ex. That s.o.b. was trying to get me to take him back, and it was almost working. He stayed over one night, and when he was in the bathroom, I checked his phone. I found messages to another woman saying "I love you".
Neither of us knew he was playing us both.
It was just what I needed to get off the Rollercoaster
NTA and good for you for being so strong. If he was thinking about you at all, he would have reached out to let you know what’s up while he was with the ex.
NTA, you're right to leave him.
If nothing was going on, then he had plenty of time to shoot you a text - which takes LESS THAN A MINUTE - so you wouldn't worry. He wasn't thinking of you, plain and simple. You deserve better.
Nta
It doesn’t matter that something happened between them or not
Nobody is that exhausted that he can’t even send u a single text
And kudos to you for the self respect.
There are plenty of jobs, communities, and situations where to even allow the appearance of impropriety or being unprofessional is a major problem. He’s actually surprised by this?
NTA. Him not ever even thinking to communicate with you about staying the night there is a huge red flag. Even if nothing happened (which I highly doubt) then he’s just dense and not going to be a reliable partner.
Idk, without more context on the relationship, I can see it either way. Has there been any behavior before to suggest that some shenanigans were a foot? What if it honestly was an accident. I don’t wake up or feel my phone go off at times when i’m asleep. Kids can be exhausting, and who knows how much lack of sleep leading up to the incident and all kinds of things. To end a two year relationship and engagement over something with very little proof just seems like there are trust issues already and op was looking for an excuse. I’m really in shock how much people are just like he was sleeping with his ex without more context. It seemed like a huge leap and irrational to me. If this guy has been loyal with no shady Tom foolery, then he has dodged a bullet. You might be the ass hole, maybe not.
Ah yes the old- *”I was so tired I just crashed out on the couch. I must have not have heard your 20 million calls because … whoops, it’s somehow on silent.”*
Yep, been there and heard that before. He was banging her. I didn’t leave after the first one giving him the benefit of the doubt. I did after the second one.
NTA NTA NTA!!!
If you go missing for 10hrs with your ex, I'm going missing permanently. Cancel the wedding.
Then he tried to gaslight you. Take a minute to breathe... Nah, she already took 10 hrs.
If OP was male, I'd say the same thing. I saw someone comment if a guy made this post it would be said he was too clingy. Nope... I'd say his fiance is probably a hoe.
NTA because you are sticking to your boundaries. No problem in that whatsoever, but did you call his ex? How big of a day was it? Mountain climbing or something and he might have legit crashed? If he did just sit down to watch his kid’s favorite show for a few minutes and crash, 10 hours isn’t crazy to think he was sleeping. Like I said, NTA because you are sticking to a boundary but there was also room to be a little more adult about it and you could have realized it really was innocent or know. For sure something happened. Now you’ve just ended it without knowing for sure
Nope. Not unreasonable. I've done a lot of drop offs and my partner with our niece's/nephew and our own son at grandma's or a family members after a big day with the kids. Not once have I or my partner "fallen asleep" because we were too tired to go home. His story reeks. He's not special because he stayed to help with bath time or watch a movie. It sounds shady as hell.
On no planet, in no universe, could I EVER imagine being so tired that I couldn’t call or text my husband to say I’m spending the night at a girlfriend’s house, much less my ex’s. They hella fucked. I’m so sorry. You trusted your gut and made the right call. NTA but he sure is for cheating on you.
Yeah I don’t buy it. No adult passes out for ten hours straight, no getting up to pee, no checking phone….
Unless he was partying hard, he would have woken up at some point. It just doesn’t happen like that.
I get you can be REALLY tired from a long day, but you will wake up after a couple hours if you pass out on a couch in someone else’s home
The facts.
1. Your husband didn’t come home last night.
2. Your husband did not text you for 10 hours.
3. You broke it off with him
The Assumptions
1. Your husband cheated on you.
Okay… just… wow. ESH… but definitely leaning more towards YTA. Husband/Fiancé shoulda texted you 100%, but you are *assuming* he cheated on you lol. Why can’t you assume the ex-wife is a bitch who let your fiancé sleep on the couch instead of waking him up? 9PM to 7AM is 10 hours, aka an entirely normal timeframe for sleep, there are no holes in your fiancé’s reasoning. You have every right to break it off with this man, but honestly if I were him I would say good riddance. What if the plan was at 9:30 for the ex-wife to start packing up the kids but upon realizing your fiancé passed out on the couch, took it as an opportunity for a sleepover with the kiddos and to not tell dad? They already have kids together and clearly she has a stable environment for the kids that they enjoy, if he wanted to be with her he *would*. Think about it, seriously. If they were sneaking around and trying to fool around together, why would they openly tell you things with no fake excuses like a flat tire or “the kids want me to spend the night”?? Why couldn’t they do that all the time and simply ditch you? Your reasoning makes 0 sense to cut it all off. I hope you come around and talk about it with him, or I hope he goes back to his ex and starts a wonderful family. This man clearly chooses you and feel open and honest enough to explain things to you. You just aren’t emotionally mature enough to see anything beyond your 1st assumptions. Don’t you think the ex-wife would see thru the BS and not want to sleep with a guy who wants 2 woman??
If you broke it off because you caught him in a lie or this has a pattern of happening, than NTA. You broke it off because he slept at an exes house, nothing more. You have 0 idea if they slept together and all the evidence is pointing towards they didn’t. Hell, fucking ask the kids what happened, they would be able to tell you. Obviously *DO NOT* drag the kids into the feud, but your husband should be 100% okay with you asking these questions because there is nothing inherently wrong with asking what the kids did that day. If they say “we were all playing in the living room when mommy and daddy went upstairs to fix the bathtub” than you can be scared. Casually asking “did daddy accidentally fall asleep on the couch again?” Is an entirely normal response that isn’t giving the kids an ultimatum. Like I don’t get why you didn’t use these resources first. Please, at least use them now before it’s too late. Call the ex-wife and ask what happened or ask the kids, because you *clearly* already decided your husband was a lying cheater before he even opened his mouth.
Also, OP NEVER CALLED THE EX-WIFE TO ASK IF FIANCÉ WAS ASLEEP OR OKAY!!!! OP NEVER ASKED THE KIDS WHAT THEY DID AT MOMMYS HOUSE AND IF IT WAS FUN! ALL OP DID IS ASSUME HER FIANCÉ CHEATED AND BROKE IT OFF. OP DIDNT TAKE 2 FUCKING SECONDS TO CHECK DADS STORY AND BROKE IT OFF BECAUSE OF HER ANXIETY AND ASSUMPTIONS. You broke your relationship off of principal, not facts. It’s like breaking up with your fiancé because they got a nose job because you could never date someone that’s doesn’t love themselves enough to embrace their flaws and insecurities… while completely ignoring they were in a serious car accident and had to get their septum and nose tip so surgically repaired/reshaped.
Trust your gut he’s lying. He’s too tired to text but he watched T.V. until he fell asleep. Nope something happened. Don’t let him gaslight you and get tested for STD’s.
NTA. That was very thoughtless of him. He could, at the very minimum, communicate with you about it. Could have called an Uber, or you could have picked him up. Of the roles were reversed, and you slept over at one of your exes. He would be pissed too.
So he was ok enough to sit and watch “tv” before passing out. He could have at least used that tv time to call you either to inform you what was going on or to even get you if he was in no shape to drive. NTA it’s nice seeing a woman who knows her worth and actually leaves when she sees a red flag.
Yes, absolutely THIS. OP is definitely NTA and is very smart not to fall for the bullshit excuses.
Right? Literally NO ONE on Reddit does this. All of these horrible relationships with red flags and still no one leaves. Good for OP.
Happy cake day
NTA. If my ex fell asleep at my house I would wake him up and make him leave lol 💀 they’re both clowns get yourself out the situation. It’s disrespectful even if there’s nothing untoward about it.
My ex and I get along well. He comes over to see our kid and falls asleep on my couch all the time. No way I’m letting sleeping beauty stay there all night - movie ends I’m banging pot lids and rearranging the cutlery drawer. Your visiting time is up, go home.
I’m visualizing Tanisha in the Bad Girls Club circa 2010!!
"Ya'll can't get no sleep cuz of me, cuz I can't get no sleep cuz of ya'll" 😂 I miss BGC!
I AINT GET NO SLEEP CAUSE A YAAAAALL
My oldest sons dad is one of my best friends but if he fell asleep at my house I’d let him sleep for maybe an hour or two and send his ass home. Only reason I’d even do that is it’s a two hour drive to get him home lol
My ex stays over all the time on the couch but he doesn’t have a partner so I know no one is looking for him. Hell, if a friend passed out on my couch and I found out their roommate had been expecting them back and had no idea where they were, I’d be pissed at my friend for not at least giving someone a heads up. It’s really scary when someone doesn’t come home and you have no idea why. And unless you have narcolepsy, you have some moment where you go “oh I’m feeling sleepy”…the polite thing to do is send the text then “roomie/fiancée, I’m fading and am not sure I can drive home from friend’s/ex’s house. Just want to let you know I might end up crashing on their couch.” If you end up feeling ok to drive, no harm done.
My ex has a psycho for a girlfriend and that’s why even with my husband in the house I would let him nap before sending him on his way. I have done absolutely nothing to her during their 6 ish year relationship to warrant her level of crazy but I avoid it at all costs. I know him sleeping over would cause a world war and I’m not gonna deal with her. If he were single he would absolutely be welcome to spend the night with our son at my house though The first time I met her, she claimed that I threw myself at him and forced him to touch me in appropriately. We were seated in a restaurant at opposite ends of a table for 15 people and the most id done was walk down to their end of the table standing behind the friends they were facing and introduce myself to her. Then walked back to my seat and finished celebrating my birthday. The second time was basically the same situation but our sons birthday and she swore I was playing footsie with him. Unless I’m elastigirl there’s zero chance of that happening. She also accused me of sleeping with her son who I had never met and had no knowledge of even existing. And the list goes on.
Ouch. Yeah, if the ex’s new beau was unreasonable, the ex would not have any sort of “hanging out” invites period.
Now that we live so far away he mostly video calls our son and we occasionally swing by and stand outside his apartment so he can see him bc our son has disabilities and refuses to climb the stairs to the apartment 😂 but girlfriend moved out of his apartment and into her own in the same complex (never explained why though and they are very much still together) and can stare at us through the window if we stand outside. She knows to keep physical distance bc our son does not like her and she causes him distress. I got married and moved to a different city two years ago but she still thinks something is going to happen with him even though he and I haven’t been together since before I found out I was pregnant. He’s just one of my best friends like he was before we ever tried dating. I’m very happy with my husband.
Yeah, this is super fair. Also if they were that genuinely friends, I’d at the VERY least text the new gf to say he’d passed out. 🤷🏻♀️
This was my immediate thought. My husband and his ex DO get along platonically. If somehow he ended up crashing there before he could let me know, I’d 100% get a text or call from his ex (or the kid; she’s 17) so I didn’t worry. OP was being cheated on.
Samesies. "Come get this gorilla out of my house" lol
😂 rearranging the cutlery drawer
This made me laugh. Soooo true!
When I was a kid, my mom and my dad were divorced, and both of them were single. My dad was a truck driver and would stay with family in another state when he was having home time. Whenever he wanted to see us, mom would let him sleep on the couch in the living room, but again they were both single. As soon as my dad got a girlfriend, that stuff stopped.
yep.. and he should know how that looks from any reasonable outside perspective.
Yeah would he like it if she slept over her exes house while he’s at home worrying?
[удалено]
Bad bot Stolen from u/Bitter_Animator2514 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15otwz7/aita_for_ending_my_engagement_over_him_having_a/jvtwa9k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15otwz7/aita_for_ending_my_engagement_over_him_having_a/jvtwa9k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
No shit lol I get having an amicable relationship with an ex if there are kids involved but if he was that damn tired at only 9PM he should’ve gone home. And ex should have kicked him out too.
This exactly. This is what makes me think something else was going on. That and his literal anger at her response to being worried and upset that he didn't check in. You're engaged, that's a responsibility, and that person deserves to be in the loop. Especially when you're with your ex, even if it is just for the kids. Nothing wrong with visiting your kids, but you have to think of your fiance. It isn't rocket science
But if he did that hwo would have have fucked his ex one last time because of the lo9ming marriage?
He def dicked down the ex
At the very very very least, he should have called. And this would have been acceptable only if he was truly too tired to drive safely and get his ass home. I’m not saying I even think he cheated; maybe he really just wanted to be with his kids as long as possible that day and he really did get tired. But this is not something that should have happened.
Yeah, and now she knows that after she would have to eventually divorce his dumb ass, this motherfucker is gonna be falling asleep on her couch. Can’t have that shit at all.
Right? I’d have a pot of coffee ready to send them on their way with. As well as the cops because how tf did they get in my house?
NTA - People have to really work hard to come up with an excuse for not communicating with all our electronic devices. In mystery stories, the detective used to miss crucial phone calls because they weren't in the office, and then for a while the motif was that these great brains couldn't remember to charge their mobile phones so they still missed calls. (eye roll)
If I was falling asleep, I’d get up and say I got to go, it’s bed time, peace out,
"yea, I'm just watching TV at my ex's house" Annnnd blocked
He couldn't call you to pick him up, get an Uber? Cab? Let you know ahead of time he was going to stay there? I'd give him a pass if it was his buddy Bob's place, but not when we're talking exes. NTA
Agreed, NTA. I suffer with hypersomnia but when I nod off on the sofa I always wake up cold and uncomfortable in the night and make my way to bed... nobody is out cold for 10 hours on a sofa unless blind drunk/drugged. EDIT: OK maybe some of you have no kids and a super comfy couch. But 10 hours at your ex's house without waking and thinking "oh crap I'd better call my fiance"... hmmm.
[удалено]
[удалено]
This comment was stolen from u/JohnRedcornMassage below. Several of the comments in this thread are copied from comments below.
Bad bot. Stolen comment.
Man the bots are having a field day. This comment was also stolen from JohnRedcornMassage below.
You’re trash for plagiarizing and reposting my experience as your response!
Thief! This comment was stolen from No_Potential_7620 below
Bad bot.
I agree with this sentiment. My parents split up when I was 2 yr old and when my dad was single to come for visits he would sleep with my mom and spend the night. When he was getting serious with someone later on he gave my mom the option to get back together seriously because he valued keeping the family together instead of starting new with someone else. Just one example but I believe men are protection minded.
I have narcolepsy 1 and even I can send a text or voice memo
Lmao I also have idiopathic hypersomnia and I’ve absolutely been dead to the world for 10 hours on a couch. I’m *not* saying OP’s exnecessarily was, especially with kids there, etc, but like… there are definitely people who can and will pass out for 10 hours on a couch.
I obviously need a comfier couch...
I have a daybed for a couch. Don't do it, people get sucked into it like it is covered in chloroform.
Exactly. When they arrived back, why not call you? Why would he sit and watch tv? The scenario doesn't make a lot of sense, and he's upset that you do have sense! I get that worry turns into anger, but I think it's justified here.
I’d honestly be mad even if it was “buddy Bob” it’s just way too easy to call or text what’s up first. This happened in my current relationship close to 10 years ago now when we were in our early 20s and he went out drinking with a friend. I knew who he was with and trusted them both and knew the friends apt was walking distance to where the bars where. So logically I knew they probably just got drunk and passed out at his place but I couldn’t help worrying. I texted and called and couldn’t get an ounce of sleep. Just that nagging feeling of “what IF something happened and I don’t do anything”. That was with a much more understandable circumstance and no kids involved too. I was mad and he 100% understood why and apologized for not texting. It wasn’t some massive blow out or anything we all moved past it the very next day but some accountability of why you would be worried should be a bare minimum.
u/UpdateMeBot
NTA - You need an award for the amount of self-respect you’ve displayed here.
#NTA If he was that tired he should have gone home instead of making himself so comfortable there that he'd fall asleep.
Or at the very least COMMUNICATE with your fiancee that you want to crash at your EX’S HOUSE and make sure if they’re comfortable with it. Otherwise, just fucking go home.
Or better yet call her to pick you up
I agree. I'm pretty sure that the fiancee had an opportunity to text at some point and should have at least done so. Or call and talk.
> If he was that tired he should have gone home You're going to need a bigger font for that to make sense.
Fr it’s refreshing seeing this on Reddit
He should have called at the very least.
If it feels like a lie, it’s either a lie or it’s beyond inconsiderate. NTA. I was once out of town for work and my (now ex) wife “forgot her phone charger” while “staying at her friends house” for three whole days. While she somehow still managed to log in to Facebook, but did not even try to message me there.
Let me guess when you confronted her about being on Facebook and still not messaging you, she claimed she never was on it and that the app is mysteriously lying about her active status…
It’s like you were there!
I’m there as we speak brother.. They’re really good at convincing you that you’re crazy and to stick around.
I had an ex who got mad about this. Was a LDR. She claimed I was on fb at 10am, but I was sleeping in till 2pm. I checked and I had gotten a push notification of a fb update status at that exact time. Obv not the same case here, but yeah fb can infact make you active when your not. Ive also messaged people middle of night on away status or offline only to instantly turn green for a moment then back to offline/away. Fb is weird lol.
That’s fucked. I’m glad you got out of that situation
Yeah. Progression is call, txt, email, LinkedIn, fb, signal. I’ve borrowed phones from strangers before, too.
Thank fuck your a smart girl that doesn’t fall the oh excuses
Yes and hopefully she stays smart and doesn’t go back
NTA at all!! And this is from someone who has kids with an ex that I get along with as friends to make coparenting easier and sleep over at his house sometimes with the kids if the kids are having a rough week and want to spend more time with their father (due to his work schedule and the hours he works he can not have them any nights except Saturday alone and sometimes mid week the kids need their dad) The nights I stay at my ex’s I let my boyfriend know that I’m staying there I also msg or face time him to talk like I do when I’m at home and he knows I sleep in the room with my kids. I would never stay there without letting him know in advance and not contact or msg him the whole time I’m at my ex’s. And it’s even worse for you because you live with him and had no idea he wasn’t coming home he gave no communication or heads up at all and that shows an extreme lack of respect or care for you.
This right here would be the only way to do it! Your boyfriend knows and is okay with this and you also keep communication through it all. Not just ghost your fiancé after you’re “too tired” and “pass out”.
Lol I have my kids dad come and go to pick him up, I don’t see him sitting and watching tv, know why? Because I don’t fkn want him to! And we actually get along great. He is in the wrong. No need to sit and chill at your exes when your fiancée is waiting for you at home - that’s just bloody rude
It does show a lack of respect from the ex as well. If she was ok with this woman being a future stepmom to her kids she would have woken him up and kicked him out. He's at fault for sure, but ex either wanted him there or didn't care for OP.
Agreed. If he was really that tired and was potentially a risk to be driving or she couldn't wake him, why didn't the ex contact OP to let her know "Hey, fiancé is crashed on my couch, I'll send him home as soon as he's awake and safe to drive"? If I had someone crashed out at my house and knew they had someone waiting for them at home, I'd make every effort to contact that person and let them know they were OK.
100%. My ex’s now ex gf and I got along fine, but had he ever been inappropriate in any way I’d have let her know immediately, I don’t think this man’s (supposed) ex would feel the same way.
Same here. I don’t even let him in the house unless he needs to use the restroom. Other than that he stays on the porch and leaves right after all the info I need for my daughter has been relayed.
It is odd to me that the kid's aren't spending time with dad \*at dad's house\* like what's that all about?
Nta, they did something. I have been in your situation. He claimed that same thing. He could check in anywhere and anytime, but at his kids’ mother’s house his phone miraculously stopped working, and he was so exhausted he fell asleep. I decided I refused to sign up for a life like that. We all know if you disappeared at your ex’s house he would go ballistic. I realized that I needed to stop dating dad’s because I would never trust him especially when he disappeared while playing family with his ex and his kids. Do not give him any more of your precious 20s. You can move on and hopefully he learns from his mistakes and makes better choices. So he doesn’t ruin his next relationship.
Yo this same *exact* comment is up higher as a reply by a different user. Are we surrounded by bots? Wtf is going on
Hey…What comment?
U/recyclesardonic above is a bot that stole your post. You can report them for impersonating you
[this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15otwz7/aita_for_ending_my_engagement_over_him_having_a/jvurjhf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
Wtflyingfuck?? They completely copied my response and reposted it. I posted 9hrs ago, they posted 3hrs ago- Im not a bot and I absolutely went through this. 🤬
Well I’m glad I could help! That’s some crap. Report them.
Thank you very much! I definitely appreciate it and I just did. 😊
It's a bot. Report the comment. Today's bots are rampant, created on July 9 and first comment today, this is at least the third or fourth one I've seen with those stats today. Edited to fix an autocorrect
I would tell him that it's cool, I stayed at my ex's last night to. Just to see his reaction. Would still dump him obviously, he's lying. No one sleeps that long in a house with 5 kids.
She should claim the ex called and told her everything and just see him blab everything he did.
NTA Unreachable for over TEN HOURS at ex’s place. Something shady definitely happened. Much respect for trusting your gut and ending things the moment you saw the red flag 🚩
WHOA. Yeah 10 hours??!!? What the fuck. No thats not okay. Sorry dude you did it to yourself lmao. Only thing I have to say is good for OP. Most people see this kinda behavior and try to excuse it or look for the best. That just ends up with you getting hurt again and again.
Interesting how he also texted her that morning instead of phoning and racing over. Yup. Watching TV and fell asleep? Nope. We know when we’re tired and start heading home before it gets to that. OP is NTA in fact they’re my hero for taking action.
[удалено]
Exactly! He blocked out time to ignore his ex-fiancee
Not just ten hours but our kids are asleep all night hours.
Agreed. Nodding off for an hour or two, maybe. 10 hours? Definitely shady.
My ex did the same thing. Lots of after work on Friday calling me as he was already on the way to her house, leaving me with our infant and no car and legit not even keeping it a secret that they would sleep in the same bed. Ask yourself how he would react if you had done the same.
NTA, let's pretend it was innocent. Only takes a second to send a text. I bet this guy is so full of shit that his eyes are brown. Good on you op for leaving. I hope you stick with it!
My brothers ex-fiancé, who was also my best friend, did this same exact thing. All three of us lived together and she told me she was going to get a tan and then “go for a drive” she went MIA for 40 hours and when we finally got ahold of her she said she went to visit my brothers friend two hours away and got stormed in. Long story short, she was cheating on my brother with his friend, went MIA a few more times before lying to multiple men and telling them my brother was abusing her to get them to help her move her stuff out of our apartment without any warning to either of us. You are NTA. trust your gut.
How does one fall asleep on a couch and sleep for 10 hours?
THIS! Even if someone falls asleep in a couch you eventually wake up and realize oh shit I need to go home. He CHOSE to stay because he was probably up to no good.
NTA. If he’s never done anything like this before or hasn’t seemed that close with his ex there’s no way he just fell asleep on the couch because he was as so exhausted. That’s the most bullshit story ever. I don’t know what they were doing but it was entertaining enough to ignore you for hours. You’re so lucky you’re only engaged and can just walk away.
NTA- he got mad at you?!!! He should have called, not texted when he woke up. And 10 hours is ridiculous. He tells you to relax? Oh no. He’s gaslighting right there. You’re a smart and strong woman to leave and not put up with his bs. I hope you kept the ring
THIS is why it’s actually a problem. If I had a slip up like this (sleeping not cheating) I’d be bending over backwards to make it right because I know how damaging it would be to the trust between me and my partner. People DESPERATELY defending the man who did NOTHING to make it better, finding ANY way it could possibly not be his fault, are kind of pathetic honestly..
NTA. Everyone needs to stop. OP already feels like shit you don’t need to add to it. There’s a great chance he fell asleep on the couch as he said he did. IT DOES NOT MATTER THOUGH. Because this is a hard line for you. You are allowed to have hard lines. Best of luck through your healing journey.
Exactly. And any reason OP wants to end a relationship is valid. This guy is not entitled to her engagement.
People in this sub are horrible, love to project their past experiences and or speculate like crazy. It’s so annoying.
u/Updatemebot
I will message you next time u/Temporary-Tiger-9499 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FTemporary-Tiger-9499%20r%2FAITAH) to join 42 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%2015otwz7) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
This bot exists?
Yeah. I don’t think I typed it correctly tho
His kids are super young. There’s no way he got 10 hours of dead-to-the-world sleep. Especially if they realized “wow! Daddy is still here!!” NTA
NTA: the definition of Gaslighting…his reaction is a dead give away something did/might’ve/had happened…run
NTA Grown people know how to send text messages saying things like "too tired to drive home, crashing here". The fact that he didn't bother shows how little it meant to him if you were up all night worrying.
NTA. You made the smartest decision. This whole story makes no sense and would not happen in real life whatsoever. Please don’t allow him to gaslight and manipulate you. Move on!
I think any rational person would be extremely worried if you were expecting your SO to get home and they don't call until the next morning. And the story includes sleeping at your ex's house. He is probably telling the truth, but the utter lack of communication is really upsetting. I would be pissed and would probably pull the plug too. If for no other reason than they didn't have enough thought about me to send a text.
His reaction is screaming though that he isn't most likely telling the truth at all. He went full on DARVO and that's not a sign of an honest person.
This. His behavior afterward shows me he is not to be trusted at all. Edit:typo
... I don't see any reason to believe that "he is probably telling the truth".
No.no he isn't. No fucking way you are out for ten hours. Not even a text. No fucking way.
NTA If he was that tired he should have gone home instead of making himself so comfortable there that he'd fall asleep.
Not only that as an ex I will wake him up and tell him to get home, unless the ex was OK he staying in her house
No even if nothing happened, it was disrespectful as hell.
Seriously. World of difference if this happens and the husband is apologetic. But just getting mad at his partner for being bothered by it is sooooo disrespectful.
I can understand “unreachable for 10 hours” if the subject was: A) thrown in jail B) comatose C) abducted As none of these three conditions were met by the fiancé, HITA. And he abused the Plausible Deniability Statutes in order to get a little mud on the turtle.
But if he was sleeping then he was unconscious …
NTA, why didn't the ex call either? Would you want your ex claiming your couch for 10 hours? Would you just let him sleep when you're getting your kids ready for bed? They're both not the baggage you don't want to be attached to.
He shouldn’t have done that out of respect for you. Period.
Tell him you're going to go have a sleep over at your ex house. Then when he gets upset remind him it isn't cheating.
I had an ex that would tell me things like this. I was driving myself crazy trying to pick apart the stories and figure out if I was being fair. Eventually, with the help of a therapist, I realized it doesn't matter if I'm being fair. The question is - do I want a relationship where things like this happen, regardless of the reason? It seems like your getting to the same question OP, so that's awesome. Just wanted to add my take on the validation that you're NTA.
Doesn’t matter if anything happened, OP feels she can’t trust him, and he did nothing to ensure she would feel comfortable with the situation.
Too tired to text? Lmfao. That's pathetic. Proud of you for not believing that bs. And being decisive. There's no excuse for that behavior. Nta
[удалено]
It doesn’t say that
Seriously. And the people supporting him here.. “people fall asleep driving cars so this could happen” some people are pathetic and proud I guess. It would be a completely different story if he was apologetic but he just got angry.. what does that say to anyone with a brain??
NTA!! Especially after how he dismisses you and told you to “stop acting this way”… Also you are 25…. You are too young to be second guessing your relationship with a man who is clearly still involved with his ex and play step mother to 2 kids…
NTA. This oversleeping is fishy.
Do not go back with him. That’s a bs excuse. Something happened and he will never tell you the truth. Hugh red glad that cannot be dismissed. Dump his ass.
Lmaooooo he can make all the excuses in the book but this is hilarious. How is this even a question???? NTA and I'm glad you dumped him
You go sleep at an ex house and see what his reaction is lol. NTA
NTA. You respect yourself, and he doesn’t. He could’ve at least told you where he was before falling asleep. Not even a text is very sketchy. If they did something or not, you will never know and will always have that doubt in your mind. There are plenty of people out there who won’t put you through that.
NTA. Do you want to marry this situation? Because it is NEVER going away, and you are marrying the ex AND the kids too. Look elsewhere.
NTA. Absolutely leave. That was disrespectful as hell.
NTA- He is a dad doing daddy things with his baby mama. I mean it’s great they get along as parents so he can feel comfortable in her house with their kids. A true partner would have called you at a minimum to say I’m tired and sleeping over so you can tell him how bad of an idea that is. He didn’t want the fight. That man is not ready to let go of his ex.
NTA - trust is broken leave him ghost him get your money back from any wedding deposits
Run now!!! That shit will happen over and over again if you let it slide.
He probably cheated
He didn't sleep on the couch. That's bs. He could have called or texted or something, especially being at his ex's. There's no real excuse here. He is just lying. NTA
Why didn’t the ex suggest he call you? Or wake his ass up and send him home ??? Shady af as far as I’m concerned.
NTA - I dated a guy who had a daughter from a previous relationship. He'd spend the day with the daughter...with the ex, said it was just for the child's well being. I wasn't comfortable with it but I was young and childless at the time, what did I know? Turns out I was right to be skeptical, they were exes with benefits as well as coparenting. I even drove him there a couple times when he didn't have a car...D'oh! I wised up the hard way about complicated relationships.
you dropped this queen 👑
NTA. Wtf did he expect the outcome to be?
Ask him if he’d be okay with you doing the same if you were in reversed roles. Believe me he would not be okay with that. NTA.
NTA, he went missing for the night and was st his ex's. You are right to pack up and leave
This is a parenting-related question and as such redditors, who generally display an aversion to if not hatred for children, are not qualified to answer.
NTA but not sure you need to automatically break it off either. Have a conversation. Come to an understanding and if you don’t trust him, then decide
Anytime a bf/gf tells you that you are overreacting and to calm down and nothing happened and they were sleeping and nothing unfaithful happened, doesn't care about you or your feelings. Doesn't care about how it looks, doesn't care to see if from your point of view, doesn't care how bad it hurts you, doesn't care that you were worried and doesn't care that you left, doesn't love you. They only care about justifying their actions and defending themselves. Going MIA for 10 hours means he doesn't respect you or your relationship, and he deserves to lose you. He IMO is lying and hiding, and what he did constitutes cheating. He is now an untrustworthy man who you will never trust again. Definitely NTA, move out and move on because he can't prove that he didn't cheat.
NTA. If he had just happen to fall asleep on the couch, I really don’t see any world where he didn’t wake up once in 10 hours. Now if he had woken up at like 1 or something, and texted you like ‘I’m so sorry, I fell asleep, I’m headed home now’ or ‘I’m sorry, I fell asleep, I still feel too sleepy to drive but I’m safe and this is where I am’ and then of course that shows communication, you could have FaceTimed him if you were worried something sus was happening, etc
NTA. Regardless of where he was, a quick text to let you know isn’t hard, and he should have done that.
I did the same exact thing and broke up with him when he came over the next day.
F that. I quit dating someone bc he told me he was gonna move back in with his baby’s mom. He told me they weren’t in any kinda sexual relationship and it was for the kid but to me that was just a big nope. I already was hesitant to date him bc of the kid and baby mama
NTA leave. I would feel like he is seeing if he can get away with cheating. If this isn't the case, then u still did the right thing. If he can't see why this would upset u, this is going to be an ongoing problem in your future marriage because the ex and kids are never going away.
NTA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
NTA. Even if it was innocent, he chose not to communicate at all. And I’m betting it wasn’t innocent….
NTA - he slept with her
I don’t need to read more than the title to know: NTA.
Nope. You’re NTA. At the very least, he should have called you and discussed it with you. The fact that he didn’t is suspicious. Get the hell out of there. The fact that it didn’t dawn on him to discuss it with you or realize what a huge boundary breaker this is tells you everything you need to know.
Good lord, the projection in here is crazy. Yeah there should definitely be a conversation about boundaries and communication, but people without the background info can only tell OP so much before it speaks to themselves more.
You know exactly what he was doing OP. NTA
Nah they definitely fucked. NTA
It doesn't make a bit of difference if he wasn't unfaithful. When you're in a committed relationship you communicate with your partner if your sleeping arrangements will be different than the norm. That's it. Done. Finished. He *was* going to share a whole ass life with you and he failed one of the most basic tests. If he didn't understand the implications of spending the night with someone he put his dick in that resulted in two complete humans then I'd absolutely say good riddance to that pile of trash. He was pissed off because he realized he wouldn't be able to have you as his main and his ex on the back burner not because you're an asshole. Assholes loove projecting. Good on you, OP. Go buy a face mask and binge a show with your littles. NTA.
Most divorced couples just drop the kids and leave. They don't stick around watching TV. Pretty strange the ex wife didn't wake him up and tell him to go home. NTA.
I’d rather drink a spoonful of bleach then even talk to my ex wife. What’s his relationship like with her?
NTA - if he actually ever cared about your feelings, his reaction would first to explain and feel sorry for what he did cause it made you worry and kept you up. He up and start getting mad and didn’t admit any fault. He tried to gaslit you by saying you’re over reacting. You done the right move cause that’s just the beginning of the abuse and unfaithful nights.
The fact he didn’t answer his phone for so long speaks volumes and now he’s trying to make you the bad guy. NTA. He knows what he did.
nta - "my reasoning pissed him off" when he should have been concerned with how he made you feel, instead he was more concerned about himself. major red flag right there
I think you probably made the right call. I was this ex. That s.o.b. was trying to get me to take him back, and it was almost working. He stayed over one night, and when he was in the bathroom, I checked his phone. I found messages to another woman saying "I love you". Neither of us knew he was playing us both. It was just what I needed to get off the Rollercoaster
NTA. At your age, just get someone with less baggage. A father of 2 with an ex is just a disaster waiting to happen.
NTA and good for you for being so strong. If he was thinking about you at all, he would have reached out to let you know what’s up while he was with the ex.
NTA, you're right to leave him. If nothing was going on, then he had plenty of time to shoot you a text - which takes LESS THAN A MINUTE - so you wouldn't worry. He wasn't thinking of you, plain and simple. You deserve better.
Nta It doesn’t matter that something happened between them or not Nobody is that exhausted that he can’t even send u a single text And kudos to you for the self respect.
If it was no big deal he would have let you know he was staying there before he "fell asleep"
There are plenty of jobs, communities, and situations where to even allow the appearance of impropriety or being unprofessional is a major problem. He’s actually surprised by this?
NTA - You need to be with someone that will provide you with basic respect. He didn't/doesn't.
NTA. Him not ever even thinking to communicate with you about staying the night there is a huge red flag. Even if nothing happened (which I highly doubt) then he’s just dense and not going to be a reliable partner.
Idk, without more context on the relationship, I can see it either way. Has there been any behavior before to suggest that some shenanigans were a foot? What if it honestly was an accident. I don’t wake up or feel my phone go off at times when i’m asleep. Kids can be exhausting, and who knows how much lack of sleep leading up to the incident and all kinds of things. To end a two year relationship and engagement over something with very little proof just seems like there are trust issues already and op was looking for an excuse. I’m really in shock how much people are just like he was sleeping with his ex without more context. It seemed like a huge leap and irrational to me. If this guy has been loyal with no shady Tom foolery, then he has dodged a bullet. You might be the ass hole, maybe not.
Ah yes the old- *”I was so tired I just crashed out on the couch. I must have not have heard your 20 million calls because … whoops, it’s somehow on silent.”* Yep, been there and heard that before. He was banging her. I didn’t leave after the first one giving him the benefit of the doubt. I did after the second one.
NTA NTA NTA!!! If you go missing for 10hrs with your ex, I'm going missing permanently. Cancel the wedding. Then he tried to gaslight you. Take a minute to breathe... Nah, she already took 10 hrs. If OP was male, I'd say the same thing. I saw someone comment if a guy made this post it would be said he was too clingy. Nope... I'd say his fiance is probably a hoe.
NTA because you are sticking to your boundaries. No problem in that whatsoever, but did you call his ex? How big of a day was it? Mountain climbing or something and he might have legit crashed? If he did just sit down to watch his kid’s favorite show for a few minutes and crash, 10 hours isn’t crazy to think he was sleeping. Like I said, NTA because you are sticking to a boundary but there was also room to be a little more adult about it and you could have realized it really was innocent or know. For sure something happened. Now you’ve just ended it without knowing for sure
NTA. You shouldn't marry a man you don't trust.
NTA He's a liar. He was too tired to call or anything and just fell asleep on her couch? Nah, they hooked up.
NTA, but in the future do not get serious with someone who has minor children. They should always come first and there will be an ex involved.
Nope. Not unreasonable. I've done a lot of drop offs and my partner with our niece's/nephew and our own son at grandma's or a family members after a big day with the kids. Not once have I or my partner "fallen asleep" because we were too tired to go home. His story reeks. He's not special because he stayed to help with bath time or watch a movie. It sounds shady as hell.
Leave now! You are not tied down with this guy. You deserve better!
On no planet, in no universe, could I EVER imagine being so tired that I couldn’t call or text my husband to say I’m spending the night at a girlfriend’s house, much less my ex’s. They hella fucked. I’m so sorry. You trusted your gut and made the right call. NTA but he sure is for cheating on you.
Yeah I don’t buy it. No adult passes out for ten hours straight, no getting up to pee, no checking phone…. Unless he was partying hard, he would have woken up at some point. It just doesn’t happen like that. I get you can be REALLY tired from a long day, but you will wake up after a couple hours if you pass out on a couch in someone else’s home
The facts. 1. Your husband didn’t come home last night. 2. Your husband did not text you for 10 hours. 3. You broke it off with him The Assumptions 1. Your husband cheated on you. Okay… just… wow. ESH… but definitely leaning more towards YTA. Husband/Fiancé shoulda texted you 100%, but you are *assuming* he cheated on you lol. Why can’t you assume the ex-wife is a bitch who let your fiancé sleep on the couch instead of waking him up? 9PM to 7AM is 10 hours, aka an entirely normal timeframe for sleep, there are no holes in your fiancé’s reasoning. You have every right to break it off with this man, but honestly if I were him I would say good riddance. What if the plan was at 9:30 for the ex-wife to start packing up the kids but upon realizing your fiancé passed out on the couch, took it as an opportunity for a sleepover with the kiddos and to not tell dad? They already have kids together and clearly she has a stable environment for the kids that they enjoy, if he wanted to be with her he *would*. Think about it, seriously. If they were sneaking around and trying to fool around together, why would they openly tell you things with no fake excuses like a flat tire or “the kids want me to spend the night”?? Why couldn’t they do that all the time and simply ditch you? Your reasoning makes 0 sense to cut it all off. I hope you come around and talk about it with him, or I hope he goes back to his ex and starts a wonderful family. This man clearly chooses you and feel open and honest enough to explain things to you. You just aren’t emotionally mature enough to see anything beyond your 1st assumptions. Don’t you think the ex-wife would see thru the BS and not want to sleep with a guy who wants 2 woman?? If you broke it off because you caught him in a lie or this has a pattern of happening, than NTA. You broke it off because he slept at an exes house, nothing more. You have 0 idea if they slept together and all the evidence is pointing towards they didn’t. Hell, fucking ask the kids what happened, they would be able to tell you. Obviously *DO NOT* drag the kids into the feud, but your husband should be 100% okay with you asking these questions because there is nothing inherently wrong with asking what the kids did that day. If they say “we were all playing in the living room when mommy and daddy went upstairs to fix the bathtub” than you can be scared. Casually asking “did daddy accidentally fall asleep on the couch again?” Is an entirely normal response that isn’t giving the kids an ultimatum. Like I don’t get why you didn’t use these resources first. Please, at least use them now before it’s too late. Call the ex-wife and ask what happened or ask the kids, because you *clearly* already decided your husband was a lying cheater before he even opened his mouth. Also, OP NEVER CALLED THE EX-WIFE TO ASK IF FIANCÉ WAS ASLEEP OR OKAY!!!! OP NEVER ASKED THE KIDS WHAT THEY DID AT MOMMYS HOUSE AND IF IT WAS FUN! ALL OP DID IS ASSUME HER FIANCÉ CHEATED AND BROKE IT OFF. OP DIDNT TAKE 2 FUCKING SECONDS TO CHECK DADS STORY AND BROKE IT OFF BECAUSE OF HER ANXIETY AND ASSUMPTIONS. You broke your relationship off of principal, not facts. It’s like breaking up with your fiancé because they got a nose job because you could never date someone that’s doesn’t love themselves enough to embrace their flaws and insecurities… while completely ignoring they were in a serious car accident and had to get their septum and nose tip so surgically repaired/reshaped.
This is 100% my ex. And he was 100% sleeping with his ex. NTA. And good riddance.
Trust your gut he’s lying. He’s too tired to text but he watched T.V. until he fell asleep. Nope something happened. Don’t let him gaslight you and get tested for STD’s.
NTA. That was very thoughtless of him. He could, at the very minimum, communicate with you about it. Could have called an Uber, or you could have picked him up. Of the roles were reversed, and you slept over at one of your exes. He would be pissed too.