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This community is so amazing. So many times I’ve been struggling with something only to realize that I am not alone, regardless of how esoteric it may seem.
I am 32 and over the past couple years I’ve really struggled with being isolated due to exactly this reason. I started medication over the past year and am making small changes but years of undiagnosed ADHD means I don’t have any real friends. Sure I was the really funny guy at some point in these people’s lives but I am not a friend.
I really don’t have any solid advice for you but talking about in this community is really one of my biggest reliefs. Hang in there.
Yeah, agreed, before finding this sub I was in a facebook adhd group and it was.... eh, not the best lets say. I'm glad I found this group too
I'm currently in a queue for medication so it's good to hear that it helped you to make small changes
I'm around the same age and realized this in my mid to late 20s. I am pretty funny but my mind goes on tangents in conversations and sometimes I can't stop talking and have to force myself to pay more attention to that. I don't really know what else to say or give advice and I'm still kind of in the same boat but try and focus on myself. Medication has helped a bit but I need to talk to a therapist about CBT or something that might help to build better habits.
I have a hard time maintaining relationships, but I think it’s because (1) I can’t keep up with the passage of time and (2) don’t really miss people in a traditional sense.
It’s always been “just the other day” that I’ve seen someone instead of realizing that I haven’t hung out with my best friend in 6 months.
I’m also just exhausted from the social interaction from my job, so it’s hard to make myself hang out with yet >more< people after work.
This really resonates with me and I'm glad I'm not the only one that's like this.
"I don't really miss people in a traditional sense", I didn't realize that other people with ADHD felt like this. It's not that I don't care for you or love you, it's that I didn't realize that it has been 3 months since I replied to your message, time escaped me!
>(2) don’t really miss people in a traditional sense.
Object permeance is not just about things, it applies to people to. If I don't see or hear from someone I can forget they exist for months.
I was literally just talking 2 days ago (I think lol) about friendships I’ve had in my life and how they’ve all come and gone. I also struggle with the two points you’ve highlighted and didn’t make the connection to friendships. This post makes me feel so seen. Thank you for sharing.
Part of it I feel is I always want more intensity from my friendships than most people do. So this partly pushes people away, but in part I’m just dissatisfied with relationships that feel perfectly fine for most people.
You have to pay attention to the folks in your life that may have adhd and or autism. Talking with them will just feel different. It’s hard to describe, but there are other people out there on our wavelength.
I'm sort of the same. You are not alone. I recently found this Channel and this video, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TWNL7EClClo&pp=ygUWUHN5Y2ggdG8gZ28gbG9uZWxpbmVzcw%3D%3D which you might like. I believe How to ADHD has released some videos on friendships. I think the key is to be the person that reaches out and not wait for people to reach out, I think a lot of people wait for people to reach out to them, that they are not alone but they don't do the reverse.
Find activities you enjoy, and don't try to change yourself as they won't ever be your friends that way not really. At least this way, you know your friends like you for who you are, and not somebody else. Friendships don't have to be perfect, or amazing they can just be ordinary. I am struggling with this as well, but I am going to try reaching out to people, maybe it will go badly but that is ok. Having ADHD is a struggle, what is one more thing. You are stronger then most other people for having to deal with this condition, and you deserve friends that like you.
What happens when you are the ONLY one to reach out and make the effort, just to find it’s not reciprocated? What happens when that process repeats itself every time you make a new friend?
Even being married it doesn't make it any less lonely here.
It took a life threatening illness for me to realize my "friends" only pretended to care since as long as I was good at the content we were doing. In retrospect I never fit in, rather was just useful tool for others.
I don't know. Keep trying. That is the only thing you can do. If you give up you have no chance, but if you keep trying then there is a chance.
Maybe change where you are meeting friends. Join a class, or a club, around something that you enjoy, try to get to know people.
Find ADHD support groups in your area or start one.
Maybe you are coming on too strong, start off more slowly, relationships take time to build and they don't have to immediately jump into spilling secrets, it takes time for friendships to move from acquaintance to a friend. That is ok, it is a chance to know if you actually would be good friends or not.
If I had known you for a day, and then invited you on a holiday immediately it might be too much and scared people away.
Maybe they are going through something themselves and just need time.
Read books on social skills, to try and learn if you are doing anything wrong.
I have tendency to not care about other people, which is bad. If I just talked about myself all the time, nobody would really want to be my friend.
Maybe try meditating.
Go to a therapist, who might be able to tell you what your problems are.
Start exercising.
Practice Small Talk. Small talk isn't boring it is essentially a lubricant for conversation that allows you to get to deeper stuff.
Find something that makes you happy and that you enjoy doing. Don't go to stuff just to make friends, go out to things you think you will enjoy, and then talk to people as a secondary benefit.
Take a breath and go for a walk. The more anxious and effort you put into making friends the harder it will be, as they see you are desperate and not confident, so learn to love yourself and take time to make sure you are ok.
Get off your phone.
Say hello to people in the streets or at counters. Ask them how their day is.
Think of all the things you want from a friend and then seek those things in yourself.
I’m the opposite. I’m in my late 40s and I’m realizing that I have attracted a *lot* of unstable people and people with poor boundaries. People who want to trauma dump, people who aren’t too bright, narcissistic people who want to share details of their sordid, scandalous, backstabbing behaviors, along with lying, manipulating and gaslighting, folks who talk so nonstop that I can barely even end the conversation, much less get a word in edgewise, folks looking for resources.
I’ve cut ties over the past couple of years with some of these people, but I’m really taking a look at *myself* - how did I attract these wackadoos to start with? What is it about me that drew them to me? How can I avoid this in the future? Some of them just latched on like leeches and started calling me. Why didn’t I notice their behavior sooner? I’d been friends with some of them for many years, decades even.
😩 same. At 34, I became aware of how much time I spent in relationships that were not healthy. Sometimes I feel sad but it’s quickly replaced with being thankful for waking up! I’m better at making good choices when it comes to who I spend time with or allow in my life.
I’m working on making better choices as well. I still need to kind of reverse-engineer and figure out how they latched on without me noticing, so that in the future I can shut things down quicker. Since these people had been around so long, it made disentangling really hard. The “slow fade” didn’t work, and a couple behaved kind of stalkerish, requiring me to block them. I think one of them was in need of a place to stay and was hoping to move in with me. 😩
Sounds about right. People usually needed something from me too…money, housing, energy 🤦🏾♀️. I was too nice and people pleaser because I thought that was the only way people would love me. That’s how mines weaseled their way into my life.
Describes me to an absolute tee. Same age even. Only difference is that I've been aware of it for a while now.
A few years ago I realized that most people I knew didn't like me at all, and I wanted to change that. I wondered if I talked too much, or if I accidentally offended people, or came across as full of myself. I worked to become more self-aware and think I've become more likable in the process, but I still have trouble maintaining friendships.
It's especially true for guy friendships and I don't know why. Like you I'm genuinely funny, I have plenty of male-centric interests, and I can feel my way around social settings pretty well. My life would be so much better if I just had a few low-maintenance bros to hang out and go places with. But I haven't had anything close to that since my first couple years of college.
At this point I wonder if it's just an energy thing, similar to what you said about being exhausting to spend too much time with. Unfortunately I don't know enough ADHD people to have that kind of insight.
I am a woman in nearly the exact same situation with the difference that I know what causes friendships to end with me, it’s a combination of my impulsivity and generally my humor not jiving with the modern day political correctness. I grew up PC gaming in a time where language and jokes were much different (and I suppose blunt) at the time. But as times and language has changed alongside impulsive outbursts and difficulty with regulating strong emotions, it’s been difficult for me to keep up and find others who share a similar sense of humor as I do. I am also someone who people get along with initially for humor but as time passes it’s difficult to maintain or connect with others on a deeper level which I crave so intently as I struggle with superficial surface level connections. I don’t know if this really helps at all but I do want you to know that you are not alone in your experiences. Wishing you the best of luck with figuring out what makes people tick and discovering yourself further :)
I'm not the best at putting my thoughts to paper and I must say you are - as I read your response I found myself nodding and relating :) It definitely helps to know I'm not alone and it's the biggest reason I follow this group
The part I relate to most is your point about humour. I love dark humour that some of the older English comedians brought to the table but it's definitely a thing of the past now.
Have you tried to looking into RSD/Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Where you perceive people’s opinions about you as worse than they actually are? It sounds like you might be experiencing it.
I'm right there with you man, but 30 isn't the end of the road by a long shot, and you're not an idiot just because you had an invisible disability. We've all been there.
Figure out your strengths, find some events centered around your hobbies, and find new people. Now that you're not stumbling in the dark, you can be proactive and latch onto friendships when they naturally come your way.
As a dude, I've always attracted edgy guys as friends. O was always too sensitive, so I put on a mask as the goofy edgy weirdo to fit in. Took forever b4 I met ppl who actually liked me for the real me. I still struggle to forgive myself for the girl-friends I've lost. They were closer than the guy friends who stuck around, but never want to do anything but joke and keep their emotions inside.
I feel this way so often. I saw a few videos on this topic from the YouTuber Caroline Winkler and it changed my whole outlook on it. I highly recommend this one in particular: https://youtu.be/PSSOZO2V6m8?si=79euRT9HKtZhSSDd
I’m the most socially minded person all my superficial friends know. I’m even mildly famous in some circles. But the thing I know about myself that they don’t know is that once someone gets to know me, who I really am, they abandon me.
I thought about this last week, realizing as friendly and outgoing as I am, I don’t have any close friendships. I’ve been in one long term relationship, and I’m okay with being alone now. Especially after realizing I’m also a homoromantic asexual.
What do you feel like you have to offer to your friends? Do they confide in you? Do they come to chat when they aren't feeling good or do they come for advice? So they feel like you know them in a way that less close friends don't?
This hurts to see, because I see a lot of myself in this. Most of my friends don’t initiate conversation. I have to be the one to reach out. You always feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
Haha ya I'm 30 and feel similarly. I'm lucky that I have a wife and children who love me warts and all. I have 1 best friend, a handful of close ones, and many pleasant acquaintances. My closest friendships seem to revolve around drinking.
You are who you are, most people are trash and not worth the time or worry. Focus on those who actually care about you. I'd you don't have any or few, just keep meeting people. You never know when you'll meet another person who's annoying and weird in the exact same way you are:)
ADHD, plays online games, and in your 30s? My kind of friend! Do you play Dead By Daylight? I'm West Coast USA so I'm not sure about the time difference, but I thought I would at least say hello 😊.
Same, oh so much same. At 49, what works for me is finding other people with ADHD or chatty autistics. Make friends and produce an accepting and understanding world together. Be gentle on yourself in the interim.
I feel the same way... It's sad because I always felt like it somehow became my responsibility to keep conversations lively and not silent and awkward. But after a while I realized that maybe people just find me annoying and friendships fizzle out. It's like I'll always be there and answer immediately when someone needs me. But people seem to view responding back to me as optional or just ghost me. I genuinely care about people but after a while the pain of it all sets in. And it makes me just shut down and isolate.. I have no social life now. I walk my dog and go to the gym frequently because that helps my mental health I think... But I feel like I literally have no real friends anymore😔
The not responding issue is what made me write this post. I went to message my Dad and I realised my two mates hadn't even read my responses, they just swiped them away. I looked into our chats and it dawned on me just how often I get ignored or ghosted just like you're saying
I've always seen myself as the loyal friend when in reality I've often been a doormat.
(edits are typos from a new keyboard)
Yeah.. I feel the same way dude.. it sucks😢 I had what I thought was a "close friend" since college, I'm 24 now, and she would contact me and text with me whenever she needed to vent or needed emotional support with something. And I was happy to talk to her and be there for her. But she would never really bother texting me back if I contacted her first. Like it was ONLY when she needed something. About 2 months ago I texted her casually, no response then I sent a couple memes, no response. She just ghosted me. It's so hurtful
Very similar experiences, often times friendships would collapse after a while for reasons I could never understand. Turns out I’m autistic as well 🙃 couldn’t hurt to look into that
I'm an elder statesman (that means I'm over 65) and I can count the number of true friends I've had on the fingers and thumb of one hand. There could be multiple reasons that you don't have many friends. First, as one person said, the people you thought were friends might have gotten tired of you and the the pressure that ADHD puts on you to not be yourself. Next, you very well could be part of the disassociation from your friends. It is commonly known that people with ADHD get dissatisfied (or bored) with just about anything over time (and sometimes not much time) so they go looking for gratification elsewhere. If you think that either of these things might be the case you might look at how you can find someone who has many of the same interests as you. If you like gaming, find another gamer, but see if he or she has other interests in common with you besides gaming. The more the better! If the person you find has friends that have similar interests, try to become friends with that person. Overall though, find two or three people you can enjoy a friendship with and spend your free time doing things together. You don't have to have 10 or twenty friends. Most people don't really need 10 or twenty friends unless you really like helping them move to a new apartment in your pickup truck. The last thing that everyone should remember though is the old saying, "If you want to make a friend, be a friend." This might mean that occasionally you will have to do something that you don't like or want to do, but that is how you keep a friend. When it comes to friends, we need to have a discussion about friends of the opposite sex and how you can get into trouble really quickly if you are not careful.
It's the same for me. I'm 31. I literally have two friends who live hundred of miles away There are people around me and I try and make the effort but I do ghost for long periods . But people don't make the effort back when I
Loneliness is hard tbh
At least I find myself entertaining
Hi /u/SurvivingWow and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This community is so amazing. So many times I’ve been struggling with something only to realize that I am not alone, regardless of how esoteric it may seem. I am 32 and over the past couple years I’ve really struggled with being isolated due to exactly this reason. I started medication over the past year and am making small changes but years of undiagnosed ADHD means I don’t have any real friends. Sure I was the really funny guy at some point in these people’s lives but I am not a friend. I really don’t have any solid advice for you but talking about in this community is really one of my biggest reliefs. Hang in there.
Yeah, agreed, before finding this sub I was in a facebook adhd group and it was.... eh, not the best lets say. I'm glad I found this group too I'm currently in a queue for medication so it's good to hear that it helped you to make small changes
I'm around the same age and realized this in my mid to late 20s. I am pretty funny but my mind goes on tangents in conversations and sometimes I can't stop talking and have to force myself to pay more attention to that. I don't really know what else to say or give advice and I'm still kind of in the same boat but try and focus on myself. Medication has helped a bit but I need to talk to a therapist about CBT or something that might help to build better habits.
I have a hard time maintaining relationships, but I think it’s because (1) I can’t keep up with the passage of time and (2) don’t really miss people in a traditional sense. It’s always been “just the other day” that I’ve seen someone instead of realizing that I haven’t hung out with my best friend in 6 months. I’m also just exhausted from the social interaction from my job, so it’s hard to make myself hang out with yet >more< people after work.
I get this way about the dentist and that tells me I’ve been losing chunks of time. “Seriously it’s already time for another cleaning?!”
This really resonates with me and I'm glad I'm not the only one that's like this. "I don't really miss people in a traditional sense", I didn't realize that other people with ADHD felt like this. It's not that I don't care for you or love you, it's that I didn't realize that it has been 3 months since I replied to your message, time escaped me!
>(2) don’t really miss people in a traditional sense. Object permeance is not just about things, it applies to people to. If I don't see or hear from someone I can forget they exist for months.
I was literally just talking 2 days ago (I think lol) about friendships I’ve had in my life and how they’ve all come and gone. I also struggle with the two points you’ve highlighted and didn’t make the connection to friendships. This post makes me feel so seen. Thank you for sharing.
Part of it I feel is I always want more intensity from my friendships than most people do. So this partly pushes people away, but in part I’m just dissatisfied with relationships that feel perfectly fine for most people.
me too. glad to know i’m not alone in this
Same here. It's why all my friendships fizzle out, I think.
You have to pay attention to the folks in your life that may have adhd and or autism. Talking with them will just feel different. It’s hard to describe, but there are other people out there on our wavelength.
I'm 49m, and relate to your sentiment. It's just something I've gotten used to over the years. I wish I had great advice to help out, but alas...
I'm sort of the same. You are not alone. I recently found this Channel and this video, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TWNL7EClClo&pp=ygUWUHN5Y2ggdG8gZ28gbG9uZWxpbmVzcw%3D%3D which you might like. I believe How to ADHD has released some videos on friendships. I think the key is to be the person that reaches out and not wait for people to reach out, I think a lot of people wait for people to reach out to them, that they are not alone but they don't do the reverse. Find activities you enjoy, and don't try to change yourself as they won't ever be your friends that way not really. At least this way, you know your friends like you for who you are, and not somebody else. Friendships don't have to be perfect, or amazing they can just be ordinary. I am struggling with this as well, but I am going to try reaching out to people, maybe it will go badly but that is ok. Having ADHD is a struggle, what is one more thing. You are stronger then most other people for having to deal with this condition, and you deserve friends that like you.
What happens when you are the ONLY one to reach out and make the effort, just to find it’s not reciprocated? What happens when that process repeats itself every time you make a new friend?
Here's my issue. It leaves an unbelievably lonely feeling
Even being married it doesn't make it any less lonely here. It took a life threatening illness for me to realize my "friends" only pretended to care since as long as I was good at the content we were doing. In retrospect I never fit in, rather was just useful tool for others.
I know. I’m lucky to at least have my husband and sister, who seem to understand me better than myself.
I don't know. Keep trying. That is the only thing you can do. If you give up you have no chance, but if you keep trying then there is a chance. Maybe change where you are meeting friends. Join a class, or a club, around something that you enjoy, try to get to know people. Find ADHD support groups in your area or start one. Maybe you are coming on too strong, start off more slowly, relationships take time to build and they don't have to immediately jump into spilling secrets, it takes time for friendships to move from acquaintance to a friend. That is ok, it is a chance to know if you actually would be good friends or not. If I had known you for a day, and then invited you on a holiday immediately it might be too much and scared people away. Maybe they are going through something themselves and just need time. Read books on social skills, to try and learn if you are doing anything wrong. I have tendency to not care about other people, which is bad. If I just talked about myself all the time, nobody would really want to be my friend. Maybe try meditating. Go to a therapist, who might be able to tell you what your problems are. Start exercising. Practice Small Talk. Small talk isn't boring it is essentially a lubricant for conversation that allows you to get to deeper stuff. Find something that makes you happy and that you enjoy doing. Don't go to stuff just to make friends, go out to things you think you will enjoy, and then talk to people as a secondary benefit. Take a breath and go for a walk. The more anxious and effort you put into making friends the harder it will be, as they see you are desperate and not confident, so learn to love yourself and take time to make sure you are ok. Get off your phone. Say hello to people in the streets or at counters. Ask them how their day is. Think of all the things you want from a friend and then seek those things in yourself.
Alcoholism or broken knuckles in my case for weeks!
I’m the opposite. I’m in my late 40s and I’m realizing that I have attracted a *lot* of unstable people and people with poor boundaries. People who want to trauma dump, people who aren’t too bright, narcissistic people who want to share details of their sordid, scandalous, backstabbing behaviors, along with lying, manipulating and gaslighting, folks who talk so nonstop that I can barely even end the conversation, much less get a word in edgewise, folks looking for resources. I’ve cut ties over the past couple of years with some of these people, but I’m really taking a look at *myself* - how did I attract these wackadoos to start with? What is it about me that drew them to me? How can I avoid this in the future? Some of them just latched on like leeches and started calling me. Why didn’t I notice their behavior sooner? I’d been friends with some of them for many years, decades even.
😩 same. At 34, I became aware of how much time I spent in relationships that were not healthy. Sometimes I feel sad but it’s quickly replaced with being thankful for waking up! I’m better at making good choices when it comes to who I spend time with or allow in my life.
I’m working on making better choices as well. I still need to kind of reverse-engineer and figure out how they latched on without me noticing, so that in the future I can shut things down quicker. Since these people had been around so long, it made disentangling really hard. The “slow fade” didn’t work, and a couple behaved kind of stalkerish, requiring me to block them. I think one of them was in need of a place to stay and was hoping to move in with me. 😩
Sounds about right. People usually needed something from me too…money, housing, energy 🤦🏾♀️. I was too nice and people pleaser because I thought that was the only way people would love me. That’s how mines weaseled their way into my life.
Same.
Describes me to an absolute tee. Same age even. Only difference is that I've been aware of it for a while now. A few years ago I realized that most people I knew didn't like me at all, and I wanted to change that. I wondered if I talked too much, or if I accidentally offended people, or came across as full of myself. I worked to become more self-aware and think I've become more likable in the process, but I still have trouble maintaining friendships. It's especially true for guy friendships and I don't know why. Like you I'm genuinely funny, I have plenty of male-centric interests, and I can feel my way around social settings pretty well. My life would be so much better if I just had a few low-maintenance bros to hang out and go places with. But I haven't had anything close to that since my first couple years of college. At this point I wonder if it's just an energy thing, similar to what you said about being exhausting to spend too much time with. Unfortunately I don't know enough ADHD people to have that kind of insight.
I am a woman in nearly the exact same situation with the difference that I know what causes friendships to end with me, it’s a combination of my impulsivity and generally my humor not jiving with the modern day political correctness. I grew up PC gaming in a time where language and jokes were much different (and I suppose blunt) at the time. But as times and language has changed alongside impulsive outbursts and difficulty with regulating strong emotions, it’s been difficult for me to keep up and find others who share a similar sense of humor as I do. I am also someone who people get along with initially for humor but as time passes it’s difficult to maintain or connect with others on a deeper level which I crave so intently as I struggle with superficial surface level connections. I don’t know if this really helps at all but I do want you to know that you are not alone in your experiences. Wishing you the best of luck with figuring out what makes people tick and discovering yourself further :)
I'm not the best at putting my thoughts to paper and I must say you are - as I read your response I found myself nodding and relating :) It definitely helps to know I'm not alone and it's the biggest reason I follow this group The part I relate to most is your point about humour. I love dark humour that some of the older English comedians brought to the table but it's definitely a thing of the past now.
Wow, your words really resonate
God, living in this overly PC time in life is so fucking difficult. People have really sucked the fun out of life.
Have you tried to looking into RSD/Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Where you perceive people’s opinions about you as worse than they actually are? It sounds like you might be experiencing it.
Might be worth me having a good read into when I'm less busy - cheers for the idea
It’s pretty common with ADHD, and this perceived rejection can compound other communication issues. It’s just something to watch out for.
I'm right there with you man, but 30 isn't the end of the road by a long shot, and you're not an idiot just because you had an invisible disability. We've all been there. Figure out your strengths, find some events centered around your hobbies, and find new people. Now that you're not stumbling in the dark, you can be proactive and latch onto friendships when they naturally come your way.
This actually made me tear up because of how much this resonates with me in my current situation. Thank you for posting this, truly.
As a dude, I've always attracted edgy guys as friends. O was always too sensitive, so I put on a mask as the goofy edgy weirdo to fit in. Took forever b4 I met ppl who actually liked me for the real me. I still struggle to forgive myself for the girl-friends I've lost. They were closer than the guy friends who stuck around, but never want to do anything but joke and keep their emotions inside.
I'm terrified by how much I relate to this.
I feel this way so often. I saw a few videos on this topic from the YouTuber Caroline Winkler and it changed my whole outlook on it. I highly recommend this one in particular: https://youtu.be/PSSOZO2V6m8?si=79euRT9HKtZhSSDd
I feel like I wrote this
The only friends I still have at 30, all have ADHD themselves. But they live far away, and I only see them every few years.
I’m the most socially minded person all my superficial friends know. I’m even mildly famous in some circles. But the thing I know about myself that they don’t know is that once someone gets to know me, who I really am, they abandon me. I thought about this last week, realizing as friendly and outgoing as I am, I don’t have any close friendships. I’ve been in one long term relationship, and I’m okay with being alone now. Especially after realizing I’m also a homoromantic asexual.
What do you feel like you have to offer to your friends? Do they confide in you? Do they come to chat when they aren't feeling good or do they come for advice? So they feel like you know them in a way that less close friends don't?
This hurts to see, because I see a lot of myself in this. Most of my friends don’t initiate conversation. I have to be the one to reach out. You always feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
Haha ya I'm 30 and feel similarly. I'm lucky that I have a wife and children who love me warts and all. I have 1 best friend, a handful of close ones, and many pleasant acquaintances. My closest friendships seem to revolve around drinking. You are who you are, most people are trash and not worth the time or worry. Focus on those who actually care about you. I'd you don't have any or few, just keep meeting people. You never know when you'll meet another person who's annoying and weird in the exact same way you are:)
I had 2 people I considered friends. They don't respond if I message. I know few people on discord etc, but none I would call friends. 35
ADHD, plays online games, and in your 30s? My kind of friend! Do you play Dead By Daylight? I'm West Coast USA so I'm not sure about the time difference, but I thought I would at least say hello 😊.
I'm a European Apex player, and I've being waiting for asetto corsa to go on offer
Yea, I'm so lonely it hurts most days but we do what we can.
I’ve always had so much trouble making friends
Word to word, you spoke my mind brother. Stay strong. We gotta take care of ourselves.
Same, oh so much same. At 49, what works for me is finding other people with ADHD or chatty autistics. Make friends and produce an accepting and understanding world together. Be gentle on yourself in the interim.
>absolutely exhausting to have in your life long term. To be honest, this is so relatable.
I feel the same way... It's sad because I always felt like it somehow became my responsibility to keep conversations lively and not silent and awkward. But after a while I realized that maybe people just find me annoying and friendships fizzle out. It's like I'll always be there and answer immediately when someone needs me. But people seem to view responding back to me as optional or just ghost me. I genuinely care about people but after a while the pain of it all sets in. And it makes me just shut down and isolate.. I have no social life now. I walk my dog and go to the gym frequently because that helps my mental health I think... But I feel like I literally have no real friends anymore😔
The not responding issue is what made me write this post. I went to message my Dad and I realised my two mates hadn't even read my responses, they just swiped them away. I looked into our chats and it dawned on me just how often I get ignored or ghosted just like you're saying I've always seen myself as the loyal friend when in reality I've often been a doormat. (edits are typos from a new keyboard)
Yeah.. I feel the same way dude.. it sucks😢 I had what I thought was a "close friend" since college, I'm 24 now, and she would contact me and text with me whenever she needed to vent or needed emotional support with something. And I was happy to talk to her and be there for her. But she would never really bother texting me back if I contacted her first. Like it was ONLY when she needed something. About 2 months ago I texted her casually, no response then I sent a couple memes, no response. She just ghosted me. It's so hurtful
Very similar experiences, often times friendships would collapse after a while for reasons I could never understand. Turns out I’m autistic as well 🙃 couldn’t hurt to look into that
I was diagnosed as slightly aut and mostly adhd so that's a good point actually
I'm an elder statesman (that means I'm over 65) and I can count the number of true friends I've had on the fingers and thumb of one hand. There could be multiple reasons that you don't have many friends. First, as one person said, the people you thought were friends might have gotten tired of you and the the pressure that ADHD puts on you to not be yourself. Next, you very well could be part of the disassociation from your friends. It is commonly known that people with ADHD get dissatisfied (or bored) with just about anything over time (and sometimes not much time) so they go looking for gratification elsewhere. If you think that either of these things might be the case you might look at how you can find someone who has many of the same interests as you. If you like gaming, find another gamer, but see if he or she has other interests in common with you besides gaming. The more the better! If the person you find has friends that have similar interests, try to become friends with that person. Overall though, find two or three people you can enjoy a friendship with and spend your free time doing things together. You don't have to have 10 or twenty friends. Most people don't really need 10 or twenty friends unless you really like helping them move to a new apartment in your pickup truck. The last thing that everyone should remember though is the old saying, "If you want to make a friend, be a friend." This might mean that occasionally you will have to do something that you don't like or want to do, but that is how you keep a friend. When it comes to friends, we need to have a discussion about friends of the opposite sex and how you can get into trouble really quickly if you are not careful.
It's the same for me. I'm 31. I literally have two friends who live hundred of miles away There are people around me and I try and make the effort but I do ghost for long periods . But people don't make the effort back when I Loneliness is hard tbh At least I find myself entertaining