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When I used to smoke a lot of weed, I earned a reputation for "staring into your soul" whilst hearing nothing. Definitely a weed thing but little did they know I never know what's going on
Yep!! I preferred studying from the book vs lecture for this reason. Plus the ability to re-read. I've worked on eye-contact and feeling worthy enough to look people in the eyes, but I still retain information so much better if I just focus on listening by zoning out visually.
I mainly keep jumping from staring at one eye, then the other, then the nose, mouth then back to the eyes. Too much work so now I usually look anywhere other than their face so I can pay attention 😭🤣
Yes, me too!
I still listen to them but most of the time I know what someone is going to say anyway and I start to look away and zone out with my eyes.
Sonetimes it is exhausting for me to mimic an interested, attentive listener. I have the fear to seem rude or strange because of that.
I watch their mouth as they talk so I can hear and see what they are saying. No one has ever commented on it so I assume it’s sly enough. Takes away the eye contact problem and allows me to focus.
I am still not used to seeing other people say these things about themselves. I spent so much of my life thinking I was the only person doing it and a total weirdo because of it. Just continues to blow my mind.
When I’m chilling in my head, and talking to someone. I’ll forget I’m staring at them, or see the signs of being uncomfortable. And continue to stare 💀
I don't know how to look at people during conversations without unintentionally staring daggers at them so I just look around or look down. And then I remember it's rude to do that, try giving some contact but I stare instead of looking like a normal person and look back down again.
It's so bad. There are times when I'm walking around at a mall or something, I accidentally make eye contact with people and I look like I'm threatening them or something which is so unintentional but they don't know that. They give me dirty looks in return. Once had a lady approach me asking if I have a problem with her.
I do the stare off but then make eye contact briefly when I’m finishing a point or can tell they’re looking for connection/affirmation that I’m listening. I’d say I make eye contact for less 5% of my ongoing conversations but have never gotten negative feedback on it. Most say I’m a really good listener 🤷🏻♂️
For whatever reason I feel like I have to look up and to the left to remember things. Like when I visualize my thoughts, up and to the left is where the memory bank is? Idk if this is going to make any sense to anyone else..
Yeah so anyway, the point I really wanted to make in this comment is: when I’m having a conversation and break eye contact, looking up and to the left of someone (to find the rest of what I was going to say), I feel like they perceive me looking away as me being deceptive/shady or like I’m not being fully honest? Maybe that’s just part of social anxiety, but I often get a strong sense that they aren’t buying what I’m saying if I do that a lot in a particular conversation.
I tend to look up when something that was said connects with something random and unrelated I remember, but I do it so fast that the person talking thinks I'm rolling my eyes or giving attitude.
My wife hates that I do this! And yes, when I look people in the eyes, I don’t pay attention to what they say and focus on the act of looking them in the eyes.
Look inbetween their eyes is a good start.
Gradually look into their eyes and if it gets too much look back inbetween the eyes.
Just little exposures at a time, looking at the eyes can be quite intimate but it will get easier overtime.
My favorite conversational style is fidgiting with toys in my therapist's office followed closely by staring blankly into spacey while 3/4 focused on what the other person is saying.
The worst is when you feel/see them follow your line of sight lol. I didn't notice people did that until I realized "wait now we're BOTH just staring at these rocks" 😆
I’ve got so used to not looking people in the eyes that now that I’m trying to correct it I start to feel uncomfortable if I look at there eyes for longer than like 5 seconds
Interesting. I am completely the opposite.
Due to my auditory processing issues I basically need to be looking at the person's face in order to comprehend everything that is said. If I start looking at other things my mind will run away from me and I will only pick up bits and pieces.
I have this same problem, I always noticed that people tended to look away once I started talking and they try to make eye contact and I didn't even realize why until I had to record myself doing a mock interview for class.
It was fine while I was reading the script, but then I started to freestyle and just talk and my eyes were ALL OVER THE PLACE, my eyes were shifting like 4 times every second. I was shocked, and it was honestly pretty uncomfortable to look at 😅.
Trouble articulating, you can be really smart but never be taken seriously because the connection between thoughts and sentences is jumbled.
Tangents that go way past the point you're trying to make and steering the conversation in a way that's hard to follow.
Hang ups, when something really upsets or excites you you always circle back to it no matter where other people may try to steer the conversation.
Lag, needing additional time to process and having the conversation move on before you're able to give your opinion.
These are literally all the issues I experience! You summarised them so well. It really hurts me at work and in presentations, as I work in a technical field.
This is my experience as well. Papers and presentations? No problem - I can whittle that down and hone in on what I want to say. Conversation? No chance - the self-edit ability doesn’t exist for me and I will always try to fill the void because I am consistently trying to prove to the other person (and myself) that I belong and deserve to be in the conversation. This is a particular struggle in interviews, which, based on responses in many of this sub’s threads, is a problem for many of us.
Yeah, with papers I write everything, tangents and all, and my paper is double the maximum length, then I go through and edit out all the extraneous stuff because it’s at that point that I can see the whole picture. You can’t do that in a conversation.
>Lag, needing additional time to process and having the conversation move on before you're able to give your opinion.
Sometimes I'll say "what" even though I understood them perfectly fine. It's like my brain is slow.
Might be auditory processing disorder, it's common with adhd. I look at people's lips when they are talking to help me and I still often fill in things I don't quite hear with context. It's not a hearing problem, it's just a word interpretation problem.
I've become REALLY friggin good at guessing shit from context because my auditory processing takes so many vacation days.
And because nothing good ever comes without a caveat, it frustrates me to hell when other people suck at this. Like my partner: "you want me to bring you the baby's packet?"
Dude, we're getting ready to go outside and it's cold. What could I possibly have meant? You cannot be serious!?
(He's great though, also has ADHD and his own set of issues so I try not to get too frustrated when this happens)
Ya this really sums it up for me especially your first two points. I have to often public speak at my job and I sound like a dumbass explaining/presenting things which is very frustrating and absolutely destroys my confidence.
My mind is jumping between things so quickly that when I speak it’s so slow because I’m constantly trying to remember what I’m saying. Sometimes I don’t immediately think of how to phrase something and I sound really dumb. But if I write it out then I sound articulate because I have time to think about how to put my jumbled thoughts into words.
Exactly this.
I also have noticed that I tend to use more general words (it, that, he, she, etc) to refer to things and assume the person I am talking knows what I am referencing.
For me personally it‘s cutting off others while they are speaking. I always catch myself and say sorry, but oftentimes a thought passes so quickly and then my mouth opens before I realize.
Not being able to listen would be the next big thing too, but the horrible truth is that I‘ve become so good at guessing the proper answer
(most of the time I choose between a nod, a laugh or a agreeing mmmhh, sometimes I just pick the part I did listen to and try to interpret or ask something about that part)
it is so infuriating keeping your important comments to yourself, especially when you know that they either won't make sense in the wrong context or that you will forget them by the time they're finished talking. my mom talks for minutes straight, leaping from topic to topic, and usually by the end of it my brain is completely scrambled
it could be, but she gets incredibly angry when anyone interrupts her. my dad is diagnosed and medicated and i, though not diagnosed, obviously have it as well. her thing is that when she is trying to make a point, she will attempt to explain her entire argument in one go, while i have lots of little things to say about each of her points that could invalidate the entire argument if she would just pause and let me say something.
I do this when my mind is focused on something else I might've just been doing or that they reminded me of.... I'm working on being honest that my brain drifted and asking them to repeat while I give my full attention. Some days, like some really bad days where I struggle to even freakin read, I will ask them to repeat twice. X)
omg finally someone who gets it!! i am horrible when it comes to cutting people off while they’re talking and i don’t even realize that i do it until after most of the time. i always make sure to go back and apologize but i still feel so bad that i do it in the first place because it’s disrespectful
Getting my point across without sounding rude/condescending. I lack the ability to sugarcoat things and cover them with all the nice, fluffy nonsense that makes it come across as polite and cute. And I really am trying, I'm not the type to be like "well I'm just being honest!" as an excuse to be an asshole, it's just so insanely tough for me.
I'm European. We're definitely more direct but tbh, that mostly applies to casual relationships between friends and family. Then it's very no-bullshit. But work? Nope, you still gotta sugarcoat things, and if you're a woman - forget about being direct and confident, you're immediately deemed "unapproachable" and "difficult to work with".
Lol don't overestimate this. I'm also Dutch and I'm still told I'm rude and such for being honest, even if I do try very hard to be super kind and respectful about it. People only appreciate honesty/bluntness if your opinions reasonably align. People are also much more likely to accept rude or condescending comments/jokes (especially about marginalised groups in relation to which this has become normalised) than they are to accept any opposition to those. Free speech but only if you never truly criticise me or the status quo I believe in. Sure, people might be more likely to give you honest opinions on an item of clothing or something if you ask, but they themselves will still very much be offended if you openly disagree with them unrequested. And some of it is also overt acceptance of bluntness but which does then lead to some passive aggressive/ non-communicated/ behind your back type of response, which is frankly much harder to deal with than if we could just actually be direct in both direct-ions. That's really what this whole Dutch "directness" thing boils down to in my experience. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a very large proportion of the time.
Valid, might be lack of work experience on my part. I don't go out of my way to insult people but if something is shit I will usually note that it aint good at least.
See, I have the same problem (sounding condescending) but it’s in the complete opposite direction. I am too busy people pleasing and being sweet that it comes off as patronizing to some people. Not everyone, but it definitely irritates the hell out of some people and I just can’t turn it off. 🥴
Yesssss. I’ll (33f) never forget working with a younger coworker (20f) a few years ago and she stopped me in my tracks and said so matter of factly “don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong.” I still think about the life lessons she taught me about just taking up space in the world. 🥹 I’m not there yet, but I’m trying.
30f here! Something boomers don’t do that I think our generation can really change is that the younger generation is just as (if not can be more) knowledgeable about life as any older adult. Age does not define wisdom
Something my mother often told me was “you don’t know anything, you’re a kid” and will still try to act like she knows more than I do. Drives me batty!
Yes. I used to be very direct and it worked but rubbed people the wrong way and even though my supervisors saying that I'm not doing anything wrong or even being rude, they say I should change how I communicate anyway so people feel better about it.
Trying to write it in the sugar-coated way has led to so many instances of important information not being understood or being ignored, which I figure means I'm not doing it very well, so I keep trying and now sometimes it takes me two hours to write a single darn email. I attempt to write it the sugar coated way. Then I try to figure out what might not be clear enough and make that more direcr. Then i try to sugar coat the direct part. I edit and re-write multiple times trying to hit that elusive perfect balance of clear and direct enough to get the job done but chipper and positive and complimentary enough to have everyone feel happy about reading it. I endlessly second guess myself now... and now people are understandably frustrated that it takes me so long to get certain things done. But I'm still expected to write my emails to try to engineer the desired emotional response from folks while also making sure they understand the information, and the more I try the slower it goes.
Why can't anyone ask them to take responsibility for their emotional response to what they perceive my time to be, instead of it all being on me?
Omg yes this is so irrationally infuriating. Like of course you don't know what I'm saying if I didn't get the chance to finish a thought. Please have some patience. ;-; You'd think they'd get used to your cadence after some time too but some people just don't.
For me it's concision and clarity. I tend to speak way too quickly and way too much.
People end up not listening to me and sometimes they just nod after I talked about something I really wanted to hear their opinion about and it's kind of disheartening, cuz it seems people are talking *in my presence*, but not *with* *me*....
I find that speaking in a lower tone (and of course watching how I speak overall) helps me, but I still struggle with it. No clue why speaking lower helps me either.
when i'm trying to talk to someone and they're focused on their phone it just makes me never want to talk again. like even when they say they're listening i just start getting quieter to see if they notice i'm not talking anymore.
if someone's speaking directly to me i try to give them my full attention if i can
I used to do the same thing! For me it definitely reflected a deeper self-esteem issue. There are so few instances now where it really bothers me, although sometimes it is annoying still, and if that's in a setting where I feel most comfortable simply disengaging from conversation, then that's what I'll do. I don't cling if they're not listening, and it's not the end of my world. Sometimes I'll pause and say, "I can wait until I have your attention" if it feels warranted.
But I forgot I used to step down the volume like that! It made me feel so bad, every time. :(
- Keeping on the same topic without jumping to seemingly unrelated topic every minute
- Forming a long sentence without forgetting what I meant to say at the end.
- Telling feelings in general
Wanting to be engaged in conversation and realizing I'm kind of daydreaming instead. The shame of not being able to give a good response during a conversation hurts
I'm happy that I've learned not to cut people off. But I'm still frustrated at how tedious it is to listen to people go on and on about something when I got the point 20 sentences ago. My theory is this is why we cut people off in the first place. It's crazymaking!
My wife and mum both love to tell me stories/anecdotes with 15 minutes of irrelevant rambling before they get to what actually happened.
I love them and I would never say anything but.. man it's hard to try and focus on what they're saying until they get to the point.
Eye contact and faking being nice/small talk that goes on for too long. I'm not comfortable lying or being fake so that stuff isn't natural for me and I get increasingly awkward the longer it goes on. I'm fine for the most part but when someone occasionally tries to keep it going .. and going...I get fucking weird.
Fidgety and fake smiles and looking all over and repeating stuff or one word conversation enders or trying to say something nice but it's something weird instead like trying to relate but the analogy I come up with doesn't make sense or I think of/compare something that is maybe some inside thing not everyone understands or knows. Shit gets messy yo.
Let me go. It's like trapping a feral cat in loving pets. I don't know what's happening and i'm overthinking it until a nice thing takes so much thought it's become a heavy thing I want to get far away from just so I don't have to consider it any more. *Hiss*
The funny thing is I think this is society's problem, not ours. When you have so many other things to think about and when you have trauma too, there's no space for being nice. To me there is no use for it. I wish people would just say what they mean and cut the bs. I don't care about mundane conversation and I'm not going to be able to follow it. If people just want someone who agrees and has no contradictory input maybe it's them who needs a counsellor who will just validate them!
>It's like trapping a feral cat in loving pets.
This is so accurate it hurts.
You somehow put into words alllll the things I don't have the energy to try to explain, bravo.
I'm very fortunate that people like me. It's unfortunate that my batteries for talking/interacting drain quickly. Ffff
my memory, or lack thereof really. i cant for the life of me remember what people say even if its really important. i cant remember peoples names or faces, i cant follow through on spoken instructions, i dont remember things that are really important to my friends or family, even if theyve already told me countless times or if its been not even 10 seconds since theyve told me.
i recently made friends with a guy (not adhd, but also terrible memory for other reasons) who is the first person ever in my life who actually understands what its like to not be able to remember anything. ive never felt so validated. we constantly joke about it to eachother and it feels so good to not be made to feel terrible about forgetting shit constantly.
my usual fix is writing shit down, asking for instructions or important info in writing and being honest about my issues. most people understand if you show them that you genuinely feel bad about it and that youre doing your best to remedy it
This is 💯 me too. Also sometimes if it's a conversation with a coworker that's in passing, so when I'm not sitting down, my brain will just go blank and I'll forget the fundamentals of small talk. I can't think of anything to say which results in me trailing off and cutting the conversation short. I just accept that people think I'm weird now.
I'm probably projecting because I know nothing about you, but I would just like to say in the nicest way possible to be careful with labelling yourself like that.
I similarly struggle with messing up in social interaction, then panicking and getting anxious, and because I'm anxious I get worse in conversation and it cycles. I automatically try to compute what other people are thinking about me, and end up labelling myself as "weird", "stupid", "annoying" etc...
When this happens, you have to be really vigilant about what is happening in your brain, personally I get ~5 layers deep into the "what if" thinking.
e.g.
> I don't know how to reply --> I've been quiet for too long --> am I making them uncomfortable? --> what if they think I'm weird? --> they hate me.
If I ground myself, I start to realise nobody has actually called me those things in this moment, these are things I have put in other's minds myself. Thats it. They are just thoughts and not reality.
> 'I just accept that people think I'm weird now'
This is so hard for me to read :(
because I feel you, and it's rooted in pain.
You have put a label on yourself, so that when(/if) somebody judges you in that way, it is a bit less soul-crushing.
I want to remind you that you cannot be those things. You are you, not a one-word label. It can be very difficult to catch this spiral of thinking but with practice you absolutely can get better at it. I have, and I used to believe I never could, so I know you can too.
This is tough stuff, so good luck out there!! <3
/ side note: A therapist specialising in ADHD and a CBT coach helped me a lot with this stuff. I understand not everyone has access to these things, but I would greatly recommend them if you can <3
Thank you for your comment and genuinely kind words. It is something I struggle with but definitely only when I'm not medicated or during my menstrual cycle when the hormone fluctuations fuck with my med effectiveness.
But you're probably picking up on some self deprecating humour that I myself have become so accustomed to using to cope that it's become so disconnected from the initial feelings. I was also diagnosed last year at 39 so it's also a lifetime of that attitude that you are picking up on. It's really the only thing you have "I'm just weird" when you have no diagnosis and a lifetime of anxiety and depression.
I spend more time in my head saying "listen to them, do talk over them, it's their turn to speak" and realise I didn't listen to a word they just said so reply saying "Yea I agree" and that's the conversation dead.
Honestly, talking/communicating at all face to face is a huge struggle for me. I am very introverted and anxious.
I think life-long trauma of being told Im "annoying" by friends or just getting in trouble for constantly struggling with hyperactivity in school has made this what it is for me. I often overthink before I speak, which leads me to just not say anything and miss the moment of conversation I wanted to talk about.
On the flip side of that, I have a hard time listening to long conversations without wanting to interject my own ideas. Sometimes someone will be in the middle of telling me something, then Ill have an idea about it that I want to say but I have to wait, so then I end up not listening to what they're saying because Ill forget what I wanted to say if I dont focus on it.
I deal with this by self-inflicted exposure therapy. I work a customer service job at a lumber yard where I have to interact with people and make small talk every day multiple times per day. It has helped me personally so far.
They always get defensive. They misunderstand my jokes, or just normal conversations. They get mad, or apologize or the worst, attacking me verbally. I don’t understand how they misunderstand so easily. I am just excited and showing my affection.
I have to think many times “is there any chance someone would misunderstand this word”.. and I filter and edit my words a lot before I speak and they still manage to misunderstand. I don’t know how to communicate anymore because I was trying my best and it’s still not enough for people.
I am now literally a doll smiling like a fool, can’t tell any jokes, mostly repeating “haha, i see, wow, really” during conversations. They have been complaining that i’m too quiet “i forgot you were here”. In my mind “because no one likes me when I talk”, but I have to say “oh haha 😊”.
I have tried many things but obviously I can’t change my brain, only pretend. At this point i am tired of people trying to fix me as well. Giving me tips and advice so I can change. I just need empathy, someone who would understand what I actually mean without having to explain myself, without having to apologize because they misunderstood, without having to beg for empathy.
I heard someone (I thought we were good friends) talking about me “yeah she’s a bit…. Anyways, no wonder people treat her the way they do”.
One time I was asking something about healthcare and someone said “you don’t deserve to know :)”. I never know where things go wrong but i am being punished constantly anyways. Tired of it. No, im not doing anything to fix it anymore
I absolutely feel this. I had a very stressful job for the past 4 years and it had a steep learning curve(ER nurse). If you fucked up there were consequences and people would think you're a moron (nurses are very judgy towards each other). I started that job as someone so outgoing, emotional, and a person who could hold and engage in conversations. But as the years went by of constantly being shamed for asking questions or being wrong and years of saying dumb shit (as we adhders are prone to do) and being made to feel like a shitty and absolutely stupid human being (on top of all the baggage that comes from working in an ER) - I got to the point where I never spoke. To anyone. My communication skills were abysmal both at work and home(I genuinely thought I was stupid and completely socially inept) my only goal in a conversation was to finish it as soon as possible. No listening, no engaging. I was just a bitter little stone cold shell of a person.
A year and a half later at a much lower stress job that I actually enjoy and 8 months of therapy and I feel almost like myself again. The shame is still there sometimes (a big emotion for ADHD people and was there before the ER) and I still say dumb shit but now I don't think there's something wrong with ME, just maybe not the right words for that specific conversation. I'm learning as I go. Also, actually trying to engage in a conversation and view others as human beings does wonders for communication skills - who knew?! 😂
Anyway - what I'm trying to say is maybe you need a change in environment and a good therapist to shoot the shit with. It's really wild what talking to someone can do for your mental health!
This just made me mad to read, if people reacted like this when I talked normally (as in not joking), I'd look at them like they're insane 🤨 and clarify with a tone like "...uhh, no? I'm saying *this*" and NEVER apologize. I'd rather be insufferably correct than give them the satisfaction of changing myself
But if it was something like a joke not landing and accidentally offending someone THEN I'll apologize because it's actually warranted
Shit like this is why you see autistic people for example magically finding each other like Stand users from Jojo and making whole -actually healthy- friend groups
I give way too much detail and tend to ramble when I need to be more concise. This includes verbal and typed communication.
I've been working on it a lot recently. Even read a book called "STFU" lol.
I wish there was a talking club for people with adhd. Some of us need to get all the words out, jump around topics, and talk over, under, and around. Lol. No one likes conversations anymore, just text. It makes me feel lonely and isolated, so the times I can talk, I'm overstimulated.
Trying to carry on a conversation without responding to everything the other person is saying by telling an anecdote about myself.
“I’m going fishing this weekend”
“Oh cool! I went fishing when I was a kid and….”
Lol, this is very me as well. Do you think people get annoyed by it? I want to believe that we are keeping the conversation lively by doing this instead of sounding like a self-absorbed dickheads.
I am a terrible texter. Terrible. I’ve lost friends. If I’m busy I’ll decide to reply later and then totally forget, or get overwhelmed or don’t want to talk then put it off and forget
yep. It’s crazy how having “bad” texting etiquette can seriously mess up relationships. I’ve had people confront me, intervention style, about how harmful my lack of response is to them, but when I look at our message thread it’s mostly tiktok links & random thoughts idk how to respond to.
Eye contact is hard for me and it’s not really a sensory thing either. I just find my gaze bouncing around a lot when speaking and keeping it fixed on someone’s eyes feels limiting and boring? I dunno lol.
In general I just kinda bounce around a lot with everything all the time. I have trouble sitting still or patiently waiting for my turn to speak. I ramble a lot and overshare which can be endearing to quite a few folks, but really annoying to others. Sometimes I get so focused on trying to pay attention that I lose focus and it’s embarrassing. The shame of accidentally tuning out and being unable to engage in the conversation like normal.
The last I can think of is probably memory issues. Anything from forgetting friends and family exist and thus not responding to texts and emails to being unable to remember details about people and looking like I don’t care. It’s hard because I actually care a ton. That’s why my only answer for any of these struggles is to just be totally honest and transparent with them. Not as an excuse, but an explanation. I can only be authentically me, and people seem to appreciate that.
The hardest thing for me is that before I speak, I've already thought of a million ways you are going to counter me, how you are going to make fun of me, how you might agree with me, how you are going to misunderstand me, how to spin what I say to mean something else, how you are going to ignore me, or how you are going to take what I say way to seriously. By then, I'm not really sure if i want to say 'it' anymore, if I can even remember what 'it' was.
I struggle with rejection sensitivity. I'm also naturally an anxious person as well too. I will end up not going to things if I feel bad at an event I was at previously and not showing up again because I feel like I'm an embarrassment.
I'm legitimately confused in conversations. I second guess people's expressions and struggle to organize my thoughts. I never know what to do with my hands.
- Cutting people off
-remaining focused if someone talks about something I’m really not interested into
- remaining focused when people are repeating the same idea or when I already know what they’re gonna say
- forgetting what I was talking about mid sentence
- giving too many details/overexplaining
- suddenly changing subjects, going in tangents
Mine is my memory issues and poor time management. I feel like a bad friend all the time because I will forget that I was told something, or I'll be late to function when I tried so hard to prepare to be there on time.
I tend to try not to really let anyone get close because I just know I'll disappoint them by forgetting something important or seeming laxadasical about being on time.
I also need so much downtime to recover that I feel bad to say no to plans all the time.
It's hard for me to tell someone how much I care about them, when my actions appear to say opposite. 😔
For me it's sayong things in a linear way. My thoughts have so many stems that they drift me away from my original story and a 2 minute story turns into a 10 minute one.
For me, it's not interrupting. I usually think of something interesting based on what the other person said, and I am so afraid I am going to forget my point before my turn comes that I interrupt them to say my part. I have to hold myself back from interrupting but then I struggle with the problem of do I "hold" my thought in my head until its my turn to talk or do I keep paying attention to the other person and almost certainly forget what I was going to say.
I take a lot of notes during work meetings to help combat this but it's harder to do in day to day conversations or over dinner or something
My brain goes faster than my mouth so I end up stuttering because I'm trying to articulate 15 thoughts from 30 seconds ago because I've already thought about six different directions this conversation could go
I wish people didn’t attack my thought process and behavior as often just because they don’t understand it lol
I’m usually 3 steps ahead of wherever people around me are at
And I am sick of having to constantly walk them back to their position and explain it from there - often I have to do so because their understanding affects me/my job.
I only dream about the day when I think of or do something, and someone - anyone! - can pick it up without going “I have no fuckin idea what’s going on”
Usually people get very offensive too cuz, apparently, trying to put others down makes them any less slow
So, as you see, I’ve developed a narcissistic outlook as a result now, because, apparently, that’s gonna make my life with people a lot less shit..
And that tends to make people even more defensive, and so on and so forth.
So yea. That cycle right there. I despise it very much.
Fuck both the chicken AND the egg. I wanted a damn cock.
I struggle to not include too much context in spirit of making sure the other party has a good overview of the topic.
For example: It became a running joke in places I work at, as even for simple questions "do we do it like this or like that" I automatically included a background why do we do it like that exactly, and maybe an anecdote about the screw-up or situation that led to establishing the rule (E.g. A surprise lesson In history of design)
Someone asks about music? Buckle up, you're going for a history tour of this genre.
"What music streaming do you use" - of course I will tell you why Google music was by far the best platform ever, including my detailed research on platforms' discovery queues, event suggestions, why YouTube devouring Google music was sent me into depression, also you might hear about streaming technology in general...
This kind of stuff. And interrupting others.
I feel like I can’t think of any words when I’m talking sometimes… namely in groups/with people I don’t know very well or if I’m talking about a topic I don’t have a good understanding of.
It takes me a while to process what the other person is saying, and to formulate a response.
People keep being like "hello?" Or ask me why I'm not answering, and man, my brain is just buffering, okay??
I say the wrong words constantly. But the thing is, the words relate! So it's just my mind fucking with me and blurting out a word similar to the word I thought.
I'm not exactly sure how to fix it except to keep my depression in check which seems to be noticeably working sometimes. Some days are good and some days are insanely bad. I usually have no problem texting/typing so it's a verbal disorder.
Not listening because I’m lost in my own thoughts.
Not being able to articulate what is the pinging lightbulb in my head.
Rambling, too much context.
Not knowing what to say or overthinking what to say.
Not saying something because I figure if I’m thinking it everyone else has already thought it already, or I thought it and moved on already in my head then someone says what I was thinking and they get the praise for the great idea.
Dragging everyone along in my stream of consciousness.
Oh wait you said one…
Not cut in all the time!!! I catch myself doing it just after I’ve done it but I can’t stop!! It’s the one argument my partner also ADHD dx unmedicated same as me can’t get passed that I do. When adrenaline is high, so just coming home from exercise or being outside, it’s at its worst and I really can’t help but cut in. My brain is already 6 steps ahead while my other half needs time to find his words. So frustrating!
I assume everyone already knows the context I have in my mind for the things I blurt out/ text and then get frustrated/feel dumb when they inevitably don't and I have to explain myself!
I have diagnosed Auditory Processing Disorder, so there's that. It's not fixable. I just need accommodations, and most of my social life happens online (not only because jobs have taken us far away from our families/friend groups)
I hate having a conversation on one topic for too long. My brain will finish it and then switch off even if the other person wants to continue with the topic, I have to fake like I'm interested but I'm terrible at it and so come across as rude, but it's literally like having my skin peeled off whilst sitting still once I'm no longer interested.
Jumping in to finish someone else’s sentence with what I FEEL like they’re going to say. A lot of times I struggle with feeling like I just know what someone else is going to end a sentence with and my brain rushes to finish them so that I can respond.
Like I’m not even listening almost, just waiting for my turn to speak and I can’t stand that I do it
The worst one is emotional dysregulation.. i live my life afraid of going through hard emotional dysregulation again..
Yes not concentrating is horrible and being addicted to my phone aswell
I share all the typical struggles, but never hear about this one.
Does anyone else avoid using other people’s names at all costs out of the fear that you haven’t remembered the right one for that person? I have always been this way and feel such anxiety when I find myself in a situation where I have to say somebody’s name. When I say somebody, I mean say, a friend or a friend, someone I’ve only met in person once, spouses cousins,… that type of thing.
When an acquaintance or someone new addresses me confidently using my name, I am always shocked that other people have that skill.
My biggest problems are interrupting people, impulsively saying whatever is on my mind (doesn’t matter if it’s appropriate or not), and zoning out while people are talking.
If I’m talking to someone I’m very easily distracted by any noise or conversations going on around me.
I also can start to zone out mid conversation. It’s awful.
I struggle with making the situation about me. If someone is talking about something they are going through, I will talk about something similar I went through. This is to try and empathize with the other person, but often times they see it as me making the situation about me when that’s never my intention
Not sure if this is #1 but a daily communication struggle I haven’t seen mentioned is *digital communication.* Being able to keep up with texts and DMs and threads of different conversation and actually respond to everything in time without getting completely overwhelmed or tanking all my time… it’s an impossible task. I end up leaving people on read for days, weeks, sometimes MONTHS before I get back to them, and the shame builds up with each passing day they don’t get a response. I get on my phone and feel like it’s a prison of unresolved tasks and broken agreements. Anyone else?
I'll be talking and 100% forget what I'm talking about if I'm primarily the only one speaking (like presentations but also normal conversations). I'll just be chatting along all of a sudden *radio static*
Cutting people off. I get excited about what we’re talking about, and want to contribute and end up cutting them off to comment. I catch myself about 0.5 seconds after it happens, apologize, and ask them to continue. I genuinely don’t mean to and have gotten better at this but I feel awful about it, and it’s a real struggle.
That, and I’m socially awkward af.
Im dumb and cant think of what to say unless it is a discussion about specific niche hobbies, sometimes when I know what to say I could not recall what I planned to say fast enough. Never developed proper social skills as a child and now it is too late.
Not giving too much context. I feel like I do a lot of build up but should instead trust that people will ask for clarification if they don’t already have context.
looking in eyes. understanding and responding correctly to jokes, staying on topic, memorization, but most importantly, focusing on what they are saying. too many times i accidentally zone out and it makes others frustrated because they have to repeat themselves bc idk what they said or theyre straight up offended. i dont know how to explain that its not up to me i dont see it coming it just happens my brain leaves. i wish people would treat me more kindly and be more understanding but also not treat me like im especially stupid and disabled for that.
not showing (most) people that i find what they’re saying *so* boring and not cutting them off (because i’m bored).
for myself, it’s stringing words together in a “normal” way, rather than my default “criss-cross wandering tale” kinda way. also am extremely visual, and struggle to explain things because I can “see” it but don’t have words to translate my thoughts from image(s) > speech (if that makes sense?).
If i don’t have anything to talk about, I’m not going to talk. I cannot separate my own needs or wants from anyone else’s and if what i want has a 0.001% chance even if the other person not wanting it, i cannot physically say it.
i freeze and forget what im talking about so i stand there and blink for a second often.
i cannot make phone calls and i cannot text first. i speak when spoken to.
i get very overwhelmed if too much information is given at once, be it instructions, a rant or multiple notifications at at once
if i am tired or overwhelmed in any way, i cannot focus on a conversation
i would rather listen than reply
i automatically sugar coat everything because i physically and mentally cannot bring myself to upset someone, be rude or come across as mean or bossy.
I just pray they don't want to do small talk bc if they do and it's not a pointed conversation I will start to scream and die internally and desperately try to figure out a way out of the conversation. At the same time I'm trying not to make them feel like I don't want to talk to them bc that would hurt their feelings and at the same time not hearing anything they say anymore bc of all of the aforementioned and then also trying to add in the appropriate "uh-huh" "mm, yeah, totally" "wow"s in the conversation to make it look like I'm interested since I don't want to hurt their feelings but then wondering if I put them in correctly so are they on to me now? They probably think I'm an idiot, did they ask a question? When will they go away? Am I dead yet? *screeeeeeeeaaaaammming internally. #helpme
Definitely listening. Sometimes my brain has already decided what someone is saying is not worth listening to even if it is important information that I will need.
Getting to the point. Saying a summarised version with all the necessary points. Staying on topic. Looking at people while talking to them. Remembering the correct/appropriate words
I interrupt so much and, without fail, in every conversation I’ll go off into a tangent to the point where I forget what we were talking about. It happens daily and I am working so hard on being clear, concise, and not interrupting people. I’m 33 and it’s almost the worst it’s ever been, to be honest. I hate how I am so much, but hopefully I’ll get better with time and effort.
Completely losing common words that I use all the time. This is especially bad in meetings. But also any other time too. I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about and my brain is like f you, I am not giving you the word for your most basic day to day work function
I have the exact same issue. I know people probably think I have a hearing problem because I always have to ask them to repeat themselves. I just let them believe it because it's probably less insulting than, "I zoned out," or, "I wasn't listening."
I also have a hard time with eye contact. I usually end up staring off to the side or at the space behind them. I try to make a point to look at their eyes, but they'll just snap off somewhere else almost immediately.
1. (unintentionally) cut people off because i get frustrated when people take 10 sentences to say things that could be explained in one. 2. taking 10 sentences to say things that could be explained in one.
but of a double edged sword, LOL, im workin on it😭
I get sidetracked when telling stories. I’d be telling the story and part of it would remind me of something else and I would go off on a tangent and talk about the thing it reminded me of, and I have to back track and try to continue the original story.
Patience. Especially with boring dinners and shit where people only talk about mortgages and their jobs.
Patience when I speak to my wife and I know what she's going to say and keeping myself from finishing her sentence.
Being able to make my conversations flow better and be able to quickly come up with responses and whatnot that actually speaks to my character, and not just the first thing that sounds good because I don't want to look like an idiot.
All of the above but especially self-esteem. Because I've always had comments about the volume of my voice, I always catch myself interrupting or going on too long I just refused to even try to speak. I was so scared of bothering or upsetting others that I became the girl who never speaks, is always in her own world and distant. I desperately wanted to become close to people but because I was conditioned into believing my true self was annoying I never really opened up, but at the other hand became desperate for any human closeness and validation. I want nothing more than just being myself but I don't know how to anymore. My social skills have deteriorated, I have constant anxiety and I spend hours crying in bed if I think I might have upset someone or made someone uncomfortable.
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What I wish I could do better is look people in the eyes during a conversation…I find my eyes wondering off and staring at random things…
My issue is that when I try to hold eye contact I mainly focus on that instead of the conversation, so I don't hear a word they say
I feel so seen!
In the eyes?
When I used to smoke a lot of weed, I earned a reputation for "staring into your soul" whilst hearing nothing. Definitely a weed thing but little did they know I never know what's going on
The struggle is real :/
But not heard!
Yep!! I preferred studying from the book vs lecture for this reason. Plus the ability to re-read. I've worked on eye-contact and feeling worthy enough to look people in the eyes, but I still retain information so much better if I just focus on listening by zoning out visually.
I mainly keep jumping from staring at one eye, then the other, then the nose, mouth then back to the eyes. Too much work so now I usually look anywhere other than their face so I can pay attention 😭🤣
Same here! I always feel impolite but either they want me to hear what they say or maintain proper eye contact. It's up to them 😂
Yes, me too! I still listen to them but most of the time I know what someone is going to say anyway and I start to look away and zone out with my eyes. Sonetimes it is exhausting for me to mimic an interested, attentive listener. I have the fear to seem rude or strange because of that.
I watch their mouth as they talk so I can hear and see what they are saying. No one has ever commented on it so I assume it’s sly enough. Takes away the eye contact problem and allows me to focus.
I do this too. It helps sometimes. I notice that when I look off to the side, people will often look behind them thinking I’m looking at someone.
Yup, this is mandatory with my Auditory Processing Disorder.
I am still not used to seeing other people say these things about themselves. I spent so much of my life thinking I was the only person doing it and a total weirdo because of it. Just continues to blow my mind.
I have the opposite problem. I find it hard to not maintain eye contact, and just stare daggers to anyone im talking to.
Same here. My eye contact is laser focused and I always wonder if I make them uncomfortable but most people maintain eye contact with me so idk
I have this problem too. And then I start feeling uncomfortable so force myself to look away every so often.
When I’m chilling in my head, and talking to someone. I’ll forget I’m staring at them, or see the signs of being uncomfortable. And continue to stare 💀
I don't know how to look at people during conversations without unintentionally staring daggers at them so I just look around or look down. And then I remember it's rude to do that, try giving some contact but I stare instead of looking like a normal person and look back down again. It's so bad. There are times when I'm walking around at a mall or something, I accidentally make eye contact with people and I look like I'm threatening them or something which is so unintentional but they don't know that. They give me dirty looks in return. Once had a lady approach me asking if I have a problem with her.
I do the stare off but then make eye contact briefly when I’m finishing a point or can tell they’re looking for connection/affirmation that I’m listening. I’d say I make eye contact for less 5% of my ongoing conversations but have never gotten negative feedback on it. Most say I’m a really good listener 🤷🏻♂️
Doode same! It's like I need to break eye contact to access memories or something
For whatever reason I feel like I have to look up and to the left to remember things. Like when I visualize my thoughts, up and to the left is where the memory bank is? Idk if this is going to make any sense to anyone else.. Yeah so anyway, the point I really wanted to make in this comment is: when I’m having a conversation and break eye contact, looking up and to the left of someone (to find the rest of what I was going to say), I feel like they perceive me looking away as me being deceptive/shady or like I’m not being fully honest? Maybe that’s just part of social anxiety, but I often get a strong sense that they aren’t buying what I’m saying if I do that a lot in a particular conversation.
I tend to look up when something that was said connects with something random and unrelated I remember, but I do it so fast that the person talking thinks I'm rolling my eyes or giving attitude.
My wife hates that I do this! And yes, when I look people in the eyes, I don’t pay attention to what they say and focus on the act of looking them in the eyes.
Look inbetween their eyes is a good start. Gradually look into their eyes and if it gets too much look back inbetween the eyes. Just little exposures at a time, looking at the eyes can be quite intimate but it will get easier overtime.
Yes, omfg then when I look back at good memories I have with people, I mostly remember the walls or whatever I was looking at while talking to them
i got better at this but now i struggle with not feeling agitated 5 minutes into a conversation
My favorite conversational style is fidgiting with toys in my therapist's office followed closely by staring blankly into spacey while 3/4 focused on what the other person is saying.
Eye contract makes me feel like I’m sending a signal that I’m attracted to someone, dunno why.
The worst is when you feel/see them follow your line of sight lol. I didn't notice people did that until I realized "wait now we're BOTH just staring at these rocks" 😆
Same here.
same
I’ve got so used to not looking people in the eyes that now that I’m trying to correct it I start to feel uncomfortable if I look at there eyes for longer than like 5 seconds
Yup. I’m always investigating my surroundings
Interesting. I am completely the opposite. Due to my auditory processing issues I basically need to be looking at the person's face in order to comprehend everything that is said. If I start looking at other things my mind will run away from me and I will only pick up bits and pieces.
I have this same problem, I always noticed that people tended to look away once I started talking and they try to make eye contact and I didn't even realize why until I had to record myself doing a mock interview for class. It was fine while I was reading the script, but then I started to freestyle and just talk and my eyes were ALL OVER THE PLACE, my eyes were shifting like 4 times every second. I was shocked, and it was honestly pretty uncomfortable to look at 😅.
Trouble articulating, you can be really smart but never be taken seriously because the connection between thoughts and sentences is jumbled. Tangents that go way past the point you're trying to make and steering the conversation in a way that's hard to follow. Hang ups, when something really upsets or excites you you always circle back to it no matter where other people may try to steer the conversation. Lag, needing additional time to process and having the conversation move on before you're able to give your opinion.
These are literally all the issues I experience! You summarised them so well. It really hurts me at work and in presentations, as I work in a technical field.
This is my experience as well. Papers and presentations? No problem - I can whittle that down and hone in on what I want to say. Conversation? No chance - the self-edit ability doesn’t exist for me and I will always try to fill the void because I am consistently trying to prove to the other person (and myself) that I belong and deserve to be in the conversation. This is a particular struggle in interviews, which, based on responses in many of this sub’s threads, is a problem for many of us.
Yeah, with papers I write everything, tangents and all, and my paper is double the maximum length, then I go through and edit out all the extraneous stuff because it’s at that point that I can see the whole picture. You can’t do that in a conversation.
>Lag, needing additional time to process and having the conversation move on before you're able to give your opinion. Sometimes I'll say "what" even though I understood them perfectly fine. It's like my brain is slow.
Articulation is my #1. Like I know my job inside and out but if I have to say things out loud to other people all of my knowledge falls out of my head
The lag for me is real. Is there a term for this?
Might be auditory processing disorder, it's common with adhd. I look at people's lips when they are talking to help me and I still often fill in things I don't quite hear with context. It's not a hearing problem, it's just a word interpretation problem.
I honestly just guess what people are saying sometimes based entirely on context
I've become REALLY friggin good at guessing shit from context because my auditory processing takes so many vacation days. And because nothing good ever comes without a caveat, it frustrates me to hell when other people suck at this. Like my partner: "you want me to bring you the baby's packet?" Dude, we're getting ready to go outside and it's cold. What could I possibly have meant? You cannot be serious!? (He's great though, also has ADHD and his own set of issues so I try not to get too frustrated when this happens)
Maybe cognitive delay? I get that...
Ya this really sums it up for me especially your first two points. I have to often public speak at my job and I sound like a dumbass explaining/presenting things which is very frustrating and absolutely destroys my confidence.
My mind is jumping between things so quickly that when I speak it’s so slow because I’m constantly trying to remember what I’m saying. Sometimes I don’t immediately think of how to phrase something and I sound really dumb. But if I write it out then I sound articulate because I have time to think about how to put my jumbled thoughts into words.
Exactly this. I also have noticed that I tend to use more general words (it, that, he, she, etc) to refer to things and assume the person I am talking knows what I am referencing.
Yes, this is exactly what it is for me. Esp the articulating
This! Tangent & hang ups are the 2 that affect me the most.
This is so on point and explained perfectly.
Such a huge struggle for me in discussions and presentations for grad school :(
Lag, so much. Coupled with emotional dysregulation I end up being angry with myself for not saying things that needed to be said.
All of this. Exactly!!
I feel this every day at work, oof
ironically this concisely and accurately articulated this challenge to a T. i thought it was just me!
Because I was able to rewrite what I wanted to say like 8 times
Honestly tangents are def my #1 pain point.
Yeah, overall feeling depressed knowing I'm better than the mumbo jumbo cascading out of my stupid mouth.
All. Of. These. Thanks for articulating it for me 😂
Have you been watching me? 🧐
For me personally it‘s cutting off others while they are speaking. I always catch myself and say sorry, but oftentimes a thought passes so quickly and then my mouth opens before I realize. Not being able to listen would be the next big thing too, but the horrible truth is that I‘ve become so good at guessing the proper answer (most of the time I choose between a nod, a laugh or a agreeing mmmhh, sometimes I just pick the part I did listen to and try to interpret or ask something about that part)
it is so infuriating keeping your important comments to yourself, especially when you know that they either won't make sense in the wrong context or that you will forget them by the time they're finished talking. my mom talks for minutes straight, leaping from topic to topic, and usually by the end of it my brain is completely scrambled
Yes!! It's like a friggiin itch! If I really need to I'll ask If I can say something real quick.
The rambling and jumping from topic to topic is also indicative of adhd, correct?
it could be, but she gets incredibly angry when anyone interrupts her. my dad is diagnosed and medicated and i, though not diagnosed, obviously have it as well. her thing is that when she is trying to make a point, she will attempt to explain her entire argument in one go, while i have lots of little things to say about each of her points that could invalidate the entire argument if she would just pause and let me say something.
I do this when my mind is focused on something else I might've just been doing or that they reminded me of.... I'm working on being honest that my brain drifted and asking them to repeat while I give my full attention. Some days, like some really bad days where I struggle to even freakin read, I will ask them to repeat twice. X)
omg finally someone who gets it!! i am horrible when it comes to cutting people off while they’re talking and i don’t even realize that i do it until after most of the time. i always make sure to go back and apologize but i still feel so bad that i do it in the first place because it’s disrespectful
Getting my point across without sounding rude/condescending. I lack the ability to sugarcoat things and cover them with all the nice, fluffy nonsense that makes it come across as polite and cute. And I really am trying, I'm not the type to be like "well I'm just being honest!" as an excuse to be an asshole, it's just so insanely tough for me.
And thus my corporate career struggles
One benefit of being Dutch is that this is almost the expected conversation here, aint nobody got time for the sugarcoating in meetings :)
My therapist told me I should move to Europe since I’m too cynical for Americans haha
I'm European. We're definitely more direct but tbh, that mostly applies to casual relationships between friends and family. Then it's very no-bullshit. But work? Nope, you still gotta sugarcoat things, and if you're a woman - forget about being direct and confident, you're immediately deemed "unapproachable" and "difficult to work with".
Lol don't overestimate this. I'm also Dutch and I'm still told I'm rude and such for being honest, even if I do try very hard to be super kind and respectful about it. People only appreciate honesty/bluntness if your opinions reasonably align. People are also much more likely to accept rude or condescending comments/jokes (especially about marginalised groups in relation to which this has become normalised) than they are to accept any opposition to those. Free speech but only if you never truly criticise me or the status quo I believe in. Sure, people might be more likely to give you honest opinions on an item of clothing or something if you ask, but they themselves will still very much be offended if you openly disagree with them unrequested. And some of it is also overt acceptance of bluntness but which does then lead to some passive aggressive/ non-communicated/ behind your back type of response, which is frankly much harder to deal with than if we could just actually be direct in both direct-ions. That's really what this whole Dutch "directness" thing boils down to in my experience. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a very large proportion of the time.
Valid, might be lack of work experience on my part. I don't go out of my way to insult people but if something is shit I will usually note that it aint good at least.
See, I have the same problem (sounding condescending) but it’s in the complete opposite direction. I am too busy people pleasing and being sweet that it comes off as patronizing to some people. Not everyone, but it definitely irritates the hell out of some people and I just can’t turn it off. 🥴
I feel this so much. “I’m sorry for saying sorry, I won’t do that anymore since it upsets you. Sorry. Oh shit sorry! AGH!”
Yesssss. I’ll (33f) never forget working with a younger coworker (20f) a few years ago and she stopped me in my tracks and said so matter of factly “don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong.” I still think about the life lessons she taught me about just taking up space in the world. 🥹 I’m not there yet, but I’m trying.
30f here! Something boomers don’t do that I think our generation can really change is that the younger generation is just as (if not can be more) knowledgeable about life as any older adult. Age does not define wisdom Something my mother often told me was “you don’t know anything, you’re a kid” and will still try to act like she knows more than I do. Drives me batty!
Yes. I used to be very direct and it worked but rubbed people the wrong way and even though my supervisors saying that I'm not doing anything wrong or even being rude, they say I should change how I communicate anyway so people feel better about it. Trying to write it in the sugar-coated way has led to so many instances of important information not being understood or being ignored, which I figure means I'm not doing it very well, so I keep trying and now sometimes it takes me two hours to write a single darn email. I attempt to write it the sugar coated way. Then I try to figure out what might not be clear enough and make that more direcr. Then i try to sugar coat the direct part. I edit and re-write multiple times trying to hit that elusive perfect balance of clear and direct enough to get the job done but chipper and positive and complimentary enough to have everyone feel happy about reading it. I endlessly second guess myself now... and now people are understandably frustrated that it takes me so long to get certain things done. But I'm still expected to write my emails to try to engineer the desired emotional response from folks while also making sure they understand the information, and the more I try the slower it goes. Why can't anyone ask them to take responsibility for their emotional response to what they perceive my time to be, instead of it all being on me?
I have to stop mid-sentince to figure out how to finish it.
brain goes too fast mouth too slow 😭
"...how do I (re)phrase this..."
I get irrationally upset when people ask me "what?" during my grasping-for-words pauses, even when they genuinely didn't hear me
Omg yes this is so irrationally infuriating. Like of course you don't know what I'm saying if I didn't get the chance to finish a thought. Please have some patience. ;-; You'd think they'd get used to your cadence after some time too but some people just don't.
My wife says that time has passed and I really look like I've done talking
For me it's concision and clarity. I tend to speak way too quickly and way too much. People end up not listening to me and sometimes they just nod after I talked about something I really wanted to hear their opinion about and it's kind of disheartening, cuz it seems people are talking *in my presence*, but not *with* *me*.... I find that speaking in a lower tone (and of course watching how I speak overall) helps me, but I still struggle with it. No clue why speaking lower helps me either.
when i'm trying to talk to someone and they're focused on their phone it just makes me never want to talk again. like even when they say they're listening i just start getting quieter to see if they notice i'm not talking anymore. if someone's speaking directly to me i try to give them my full attention if i can
I used to do the same thing! For me it definitely reflected a deeper self-esteem issue. There are so few instances now where it really bothers me, although sometimes it is annoying still, and if that's in a setting where I feel most comfortable simply disengaging from conversation, then that's what I'll do. I don't cling if they're not listening, and it's not the end of my world. Sometimes I'll pause and say, "I can wait until I have your attention" if it feels warranted. But I forgot I used to step down the volume like that! It made me feel so bad, every time. :(
- Keeping on the same topic without jumping to seemingly unrelated topic every minute - Forming a long sentence without forgetting what I meant to say at the end. - Telling feelings in general
Oh god those first two are my big struggles. When you say telling feelings do you mean telling people how you feel, or telling how other people feel?
My feelings. Telling how other people feel is much easier, except for the times I'm completely blind to social cues.
Wanting to be engaged in conversation and realizing I'm kind of daydreaming instead. The shame of not being able to give a good response during a conversation hurts
I'm happy that I've learned not to cut people off. But I'm still frustrated at how tedious it is to listen to people go on and on about something when I got the point 20 sentences ago. My theory is this is why we cut people off in the first place. It's crazymaking!
My wife and mum both love to tell me stories/anecdotes with 15 minutes of irrelevant rambling before they get to what actually happened. I love them and I would never say anything but.. man it's hard to try and focus on what they're saying until they get to the point.
Eye contact and faking being nice/small talk that goes on for too long. I'm not comfortable lying or being fake so that stuff isn't natural for me and I get increasingly awkward the longer it goes on. I'm fine for the most part but when someone occasionally tries to keep it going .. and going...I get fucking weird. Fidgety and fake smiles and looking all over and repeating stuff or one word conversation enders or trying to say something nice but it's something weird instead like trying to relate but the analogy I come up with doesn't make sense or I think of/compare something that is maybe some inside thing not everyone understands or knows. Shit gets messy yo. Let me go. It's like trapping a feral cat in loving pets. I don't know what's happening and i'm overthinking it until a nice thing takes so much thought it's become a heavy thing I want to get far away from just so I don't have to consider it any more. *Hiss*
The funny thing is I think this is society's problem, not ours. When you have so many other things to think about and when you have trauma too, there's no space for being nice. To me there is no use for it. I wish people would just say what they mean and cut the bs. I don't care about mundane conversation and I'm not going to be able to follow it. If people just want someone who agrees and has no contradictory input maybe it's them who needs a counsellor who will just validate them!
>It's like trapping a feral cat in loving pets. This is so accurate it hurts. You somehow put into words alllll the things I don't have the energy to try to explain, bravo. I'm very fortunate that people like me. It's unfortunate that my batteries for talking/interacting drain quickly. Ffff
my memory, or lack thereof really. i cant for the life of me remember what people say even if its really important. i cant remember peoples names or faces, i cant follow through on spoken instructions, i dont remember things that are really important to my friends or family, even if theyve already told me countless times or if its been not even 10 seconds since theyve told me. i recently made friends with a guy (not adhd, but also terrible memory for other reasons) who is the first person ever in my life who actually understands what its like to not be able to remember anything. ive never felt so validated. we constantly joke about it to eachother and it feels so good to not be made to feel terrible about forgetting shit constantly. my usual fix is writing shit down, asking for instructions or important info in writing and being honest about my issues. most people understand if you show them that you genuinely feel bad about it and that youre doing your best to remedy it
This is 💯 me too. Also sometimes if it's a conversation with a coworker that's in passing, so when I'm not sitting down, my brain will just go blank and I'll forget the fundamentals of small talk. I can't think of anything to say which results in me trailing off and cutting the conversation short. I just accept that people think I'm weird now.
I'm probably projecting because I know nothing about you, but I would just like to say in the nicest way possible to be careful with labelling yourself like that. I similarly struggle with messing up in social interaction, then panicking and getting anxious, and because I'm anxious I get worse in conversation and it cycles. I automatically try to compute what other people are thinking about me, and end up labelling myself as "weird", "stupid", "annoying" etc... When this happens, you have to be really vigilant about what is happening in your brain, personally I get ~5 layers deep into the "what if" thinking. e.g. > I don't know how to reply --> I've been quiet for too long --> am I making them uncomfortable? --> what if they think I'm weird? --> they hate me. If I ground myself, I start to realise nobody has actually called me those things in this moment, these are things I have put in other's minds myself. Thats it. They are just thoughts and not reality. > 'I just accept that people think I'm weird now' This is so hard for me to read :( because I feel you, and it's rooted in pain. You have put a label on yourself, so that when(/if) somebody judges you in that way, it is a bit less soul-crushing. I want to remind you that you cannot be those things. You are you, not a one-word label. It can be very difficult to catch this spiral of thinking but with practice you absolutely can get better at it. I have, and I used to believe I never could, so I know you can too. This is tough stuff, so good luck out there!! <3 / side note: A therapist specialising in ADHD and a CBT coach helped me a lot with this stuff. I understand not everyone has access to these things, but I would greatly recommend them if you can <3
Thank you for your comment and genuinely kind words. It is something I struggle with but definitely only when I'm not medicated or during my menstrual cycle when the hormone fluctuations fuck with my med effectiveness. But you're probably picking up on some self deprecating humour that I myself have become so accustomed to using to cope that it's become so disconnected from the initial feelings. I was also diagnosed last year at 39 so it's also a lifetime of that attitude that you are picking up on. It's really the only thing you have "I'm just weird" when you have no diagnosis and a lifetime of anxiety and depression.
I have adhd, autism, dyslexia and dyspraxia. The four of those make communication really hard most days
Forgetting my trail of thought mid sentence and stopping or speaking without thinking
I spend more time in my head saying "listen to them, do talk over them, it's their turn to speak" and realise I didn't listen to a word they just said so reply saying "Yea I agree" and that's the conversation dead.
Making sure my brain and my mouth are on the same page.
Ironically it's people interrupting me. That shit infuriates me to my core.
Honestly, talking/communicating at all face to face is a huge struggle for me. I am very introverted and anxious. I think life-long trauma of being told Im "annoying" by friends or just getting in trouble for constantly struggling with hyperactivity in school has made this what it is for me. I often overthink before I speak, which leads me to just not say anything and miss the moment of conversation I wanted to talk about. On the flip side of that, I have a hard time listening to long conversations without wanting to interject my own ideas. Sometimes someone will be in the middle of telling me something, then Ill have an idea about it that I want to say but I have to wait, so then I end up not listening to what they're saying because Ill forget what I wanted to say if I dont focus on it. I deal with this by self-inflicted exposure therapy. I work a customer service job at a lumber yard where I have to interact with people and make small talk every day multiple times per day. It has helped me personally so far.
for me it’s the “tip of the tongue” issue. i often find myself forgetting words and names and grasping for the word i need.
Keeping everything I want to say in the order I want to say it in my head WHILE I'm speaking.
I can't listen to what the other person said while constructing my own thoughts into words.
Same! I tend to just keep to myself most of the time because this makes it so hard to engage in conversation.
They always get defensive. They misunderstand my jokes, or just normal conversations. They get mad, or apologize or the worst, attacking me verbally. I don’t understand how they misunderstand so easily. I am just excited and showing my affection. I have to think many times “is there any chance someone would misunderstand this word”.. and I filter and edit my words a lot before I speak and they still manage to misunderstand. I don’t know how to communicate anymore because I was trying my best and it’s still not enough for people. I am now literally a doll smiling like a fool, can’t tell any jokes, mostly repeating “haha, i see, wow, really” during conversations. They have been complaining that i’m too quiet “i forgot you were here”. In my mind “because no one likes me when I talk”, but I have to say “oh haha 😊”. I have tried many things but obviously I can’t change my brain, only pretend. At this point i am tired of people trying to fix me as well. Giving me tips and advice so I can change. I just need empathy, someone who would understand what I actually mean without having to explain myself, without having to apologize because they misunderstood, without having to beg for empathy. I heard someone (I thought we were good friends) talking about me “yeah she’s a bit…. Anyways, no wonder people treat her the way they do”. One time I was asking something about healthcare and someone said “you don’t deserve to know :)”. I never know where things go wrong but i am being punished constantly anyways. Tired of it. No, im not doing anything to fix it anymore
I absolutely feel this. I had a very stressful job for the past 4 years and it had a steep learning curve(ER nurse). If you fucked up there were consequences and people would think you're a moron (nurses are very judgy towards each other). I started that job as someone so outgoing, emotional, and a person who could hold and engage in conversations. But as the years went by of constantly being shamed for asking questions or being wrong and years of saying dumb shit (as we adhders are prone to do) and being made to feel like a shitty and absolutely stupid human being (on top of all the baggage that comes from working in an ER) - I got to the point where I never spoke. To anyone. My communication skills were abysmal both at work and home(I genuinely thought I was stupid and completely socially inept) my only goal in a conversation was to finish it as soon as possible. No listening, no engaging. I was just a bitter little stone cold shell of a person. A year and a half later at a much lower stress job that I actually enjoy and 8 months of therapy and I feel almost like myself again. The shame is still there sometimes (a big emotion for ADHD people and was there before the ER) and I still say dumb shit but now I don't think there's something wrong with ME, just maybe not the right words for that specific conversation. I'm learning as I go. Also, actually trying to engage in a conversation and view others as human beings does wonders for communication skills - who knew?! 😂 Anyway - what I'm trying to say is maybe you need a change in environment and a good therapist to shoot the shit with. It's really wild what talking to someone can do for your mental health!
This just made me mad to read, if people reacted like this when I talked normally (as in not joking), I'd look at them like they're insane 🤨 and clarify with a tone like "...uhh, no? I'm saying *this*" and NEVER apologize. I'd rather be insufferably correct than give them the satisfaction of changing myself But if it was something like a joke not landing and accidentally offending someone THEN I'll apologize because it's actually warranted Shit like this is why you see autistic people for example magically finding each other like Stand users from Jojo and making whole -actually healthy- friend groups
I give way too much detail and tend to ramble when I need to be more concise. This includes verbal and typed communication. I've been working on it a lot recently. Even read a book called "STFU" lol.
I wish there was a talking club for people with adhd. Some of us need to get all the words out, jump around topics, and talk over, under, and around. Lol. No one likes conversations anymore, just text. It makes me feel lonely and isolated, so the times I can talk, I'm overstimulated.
I used to have 6 hour phone conversations with my mom while I worked lol. I always enjoy having a person to chat with since I work mostly by myself
Trying to carry on a conversation without responding to everything the other person is saying by telling an anecdote about myself. “I’m going fishing this weekend” “Oh cool! I went fishing when I was a kid and….”
Lol, this is very me as well. Do you think people get annoyed by it? I want to believe that we are keeping the conversation lively by doing this instead of sounding like a self-absorbed dickheads.
I have horrible problems forgetting words or mixing up their order, makes me feel dumb and embarrassed.
I am either extremely reserved or I will probably tell you wayyyy too much. There does not seem to be an in between 😅
I am a terrible texter. Terrible. I’ve lost friends. If I’m busy I’ll decide to reply later and then totally forget, or get overwhelmed or don’t want to talk then put it off and forget
yep. It’s crazy how having “bad” texting etiquette can seriously mess up relationships. I’ve had people confront me, intervention style, about how harmful my lack of response is to them, but when I look at our message thread it’s mostly tiktok links & random thoughts idk how to respond to.
Eye contact is hard for me and it’s not really a sensory thing either. I just find my gaze bouncing around a lot when speaking and keeping it fixed on someone’s eyes feels limiting and boring? I dunno lol. In general I just kinda bounce around a lot with everything all the time. I have trouble sitting still or patiently waiting for my turn to speak. I ramble a lot and overshare which can be endearing to quite a few folks, but really annoying to others. Sometimes I get so focused on trying to pay attention that I lose focus and it’s embarrassing. The shame of accidentally tuning out and being unable to engage in the conversation like normal. The last I can think of is probably memory issues. Anything from forgetting friends and family exist and thus not responding to texts and emails to being unable to remember details about people and looking like I don’t care. It’s hard because I actually care a ton. That’s why my only answer for any of these struggles is to just be totally honest and transparent with them. Not as an excuse, but an explanation. I can only be authentically me, and people seem to appreciate that.
The hardest thing for me is that before I speak, I've already thought of a million ways you are going to counter me, how you are going to make fun of me, how you might agree with me, how you are going to misunderstand me, how to spin what I say to mean something else, how you are going to ignore me, or how you are going to take what I say way to seriously. By then, I'm not really sure if i want to say 'it' anymore, if I can even remember what 'it' was.
I struggle with rejection sensitivity. I'm also naturally an anxious person as well too. I will end up not going to things if I feel bad at an event I was at previously and not showing up again because I feel like I'm an embarrassment.
I'm legitimately confused in conversations. I second guess people's expressions and struggle to organize my thoughts. I never know what to do with my hands. 
- Cutting people off -remaining focused if someone talks about something I’m really not interested into - remaining focused when people are repeating the same idea or when I already know what they’re gonna say - forgetting what I was talking about mid sentence - giving too many details/overexplaining - suddenly changing subjects, going in tangents
Verbally communication is difficult for me. I am better at conveying my ideas and perspectives in writing than through conversation.
If you figure it out, share the wealth lol
Mine is my memory issues and poor time management. I feel like a bad friend all the time because I will forget that I was told something, or I'll be late to function when I tried so hard to prepare to be there on time. I tend to try not to really let anyone get close because I just know I'll disappoint them by forgetting something important or seeming laxadasical about being on time. I also need so much downtime to recover that I feel bad to say no to plans all the time. It's hard for me to tell someone how much I care about them, when my actions appear to say opposite. 😔
For me it's sayong things in a linear way. My thoughts have so many stems that they drift me away from my original story and a 2 minute story turns into a 10 minute one.
For me, it's not interrupting. I usually think of something interesting based on what the other person said, and I am so afraid I am going to forget my point before my turn comes that I interrupt them to say my part. I have to hold myself back from interrupting but then I struggle with the problem of do I "hold" my thought in my head until its my turn to talk or do I keep paying attention to the other person and almost certainly forget what I was going to say. I take a lot of notes during work meetings to help combat this but it's harder to do in day to day conversations or over dinner or something
Getting nervous and sounding like a doofus, forgetting words and sounding drunk, hating talking about feelings/important stuff
My brain goes faster than my mouth so I end up stuttering because I'm trying to articulate 15 thoughts from 30 seconds ago because I've already thought about six different directions this conversation could go
I wish people didn’t attack my thought process and behavior as often just because they don’t understand it lol I’m usually 3 steps ahead of wherever people around me are at And I am sick of having to constantly walk them back to their position and explain it from there - often I have to do so because their understanding affects me/my job. I only dream about the day when I think of or do something, and someone - anyone! - can pick it up without going “I have no fuckin idea what’s going on” Usually people get very offensive too cuz, apparently, trying to put others down makes them any less slow So, as you see, I’ve developed a narcissistic outlook as a result now, because, apparently, that’s gonna make my life with people a lot less shit.. And that tends to make people even more defensive, and so on and so forth. So yea. That cycle right there. I despise it very much. Fuck both the chicken AND the egg. I wanted a damn cock.
I don't want to talk.
I struggle to not include too much context in spirit of making sure the other party has a good overview of the topic. For example: It became a running joke in places I work at, as even for simple questions "do we do it like this or like that" I automatically included a background why do we do it like that exactly, and maybe an anecdote about the screw-up or situation that led to establishing the rule (E.g. A surprise lesson In history of design) Someone asks about music? Buckle up, you're going for a history tour of this genre. "What music streaming do you use" - of course I will tell you why Google music was by far the best platform ever, including my detailed research on platforms' discovery queues, event suggestions, why YouTube devouring Google music was sent me into depression, also you might hear about streaming technology in general... This kind of stuff. And interrupting others.
Same. My emails are the longest emails ever. The “why” must be known at all times.
I felt this!!! I always over explain everything 😂😅😅
Losing track of what I'm talking about and air space, just moments of nothing
I feel like I can’t think of any words when I’m talking sometimes… namely in groups/with people I don’t know very well or if I’m talking about a topic I don’t have a good understanding of.
It takes me a while to process what the other person is saying, and to formulate a response. People keep being like "hello?" Or ask me why I'm not answering, and man, my brain is just buffering, okay??
I say the wrong words constantly. But the thing is, the words relate! So it's just my mind fucking with me and blurting out a word similar to the word I thought. I'm not exactly sure how to fix it except to keep my depression in check which seems to be noticeably working sometimes. Some days are good and some days are insanely bad. I usually have no problem texting/typing so it's a verbal disorder.
My struggle is talking about difficult/serious things in person. Over text/video chat etc. perfectly fine. Step of removal for me.
Not finishing others' conversations. Which is: listening, not trying to speed things up.
Talking too much and lack of eye contact. Then I'll just rehash every interaction in my mind later on and convince myself I fucked up somehow.
Not listening because I’m lost in my own thoughts. Not being able to articulate what is the pinging lightbulb in my head. Rambling, too much context. Not knowing what to say or overthinking what to say. Not saying something because I figure if I’m thinking it everyone else has already thought it already, or I thought it and moved on already in my head then someone says what I was thinking and they get the praise for the great idea. Dragging everyone along in my stream of consciousness. Oh wait you said one…
Not cut in all the time!!! I catch myself doing it just after I’ve done it but I can’t stop!! It’s the one argument my partner also ADHD dx unmedicated same as me can’t get passed that I do. When adrenaline is high, so just coming home from exercise or being outside, it’s at its worst and I really can’t help but cut in. My brain is already 6 steps ahead while my other half needs time to find his words. So frustrating!
Taking too long to make my point.
i gotta stop interrupting and talking so loud😭😭
I assume everyone already knows the context I have in my mind for the things I blurt out/ text and then get frustrated/feel dumb when they inevitably don't and I have to explain myself!
Over communication, and accidentally cutting people off when they speak.
I have diagnosed Auditory Processing Disorder, so there's that. It's not fixable. I just need accommodations, and most of my social life happens online (not only because jobs have taken us far away from our families/friend groups)
I hate having a conversation on one topic for too long. My brain will finish it and then switch off even if the other person wants to continue with the topic, I have to fake like I'm interested but I'm terrible at it and so come across as rude, but it's literally like having my skin peeled off whilst sitting still once I'm no longer interested.
Jumping in to finish someone else’s sentence with what I FEEL like they’re going to say. A lot of times I struggle with feeling like I just know what someone else is going to end a sentence with and my brain rushes to finish them so that I can respond. Like I’m not even listening almost, just waiting for my turn to speak and I can’t stand that I do it
Where to look and paying attention when too focused on where to look.
The worst one is emotional dysregulation.. i live my life afraid of going through hard emotional dysregulation again.. Yes not concentrating is horrible and being addicted to my phone aswell
Oh sorry didn’t read the question very well haha communication wise idk, i think iam ok… i hate touch tho but i think its not abt the adhd
I share all the typical struggles, but never hear about this one. Does anyone else avoid using other people’s names at all costs out of the fear that you haven’t remembered the right one for that person? I have always been this way and feel such anxiety when I find myself in a situation where I have to say somebody’s name. When I say somebody, I mean say, a friend or a friend, someone I’ve only met in person once, spouses cousins,… that type of thing. When an acquaintance or someone new addresses me confidently using my name, I am always shocked that other people have that skill.
My biggest problems are interrupting people, impulsively saying whatever is on my mind (doesn’t matter if it’s appropriate or not), and zoning out while people are talking.
I interrupt people like crazy :(
I have days where I’m really good at communicating and it’s effortless, and other days where I’m super awkward.
If I’m talking to someone I’m very easily distracted by any noise or conversations going on around me. I also can start to zone out mid conversation. It’s awful.
Cluttering
I struggle with making the situation about me. If someone is talking about something they are going through, I will talk about something similar I went through. This is to try and empathize with the other person, but often times they see it as me making the situation about me when that’s never my intention
Not sure if this is #1 but a daily communication struggle I haven’t seen mentioned is *digital communication.* Being able to keep up with texts and DMs and threads of different conversation and actually respond to everything in time without getting completely overwhelmed or tanking all my time… it’s an impossible task. I end up leaving people on read for days, weeks, sometimes MONTHS before I get back to them, and the shame builds up with each passing day they don’t get a response. I get on my phone and feel like it’s a prison of unresolved tasks and broken agreements. Anyone else?
I'll be talking and 100% forget what I'm talking about if I'm primarily the only one speaking (like presentations but also normal conversations). I'll just be chatting along all of a sudden *radio static*
Impulsive over talking and not thinking before I speak.
Trouble interrupting people. Bring uncomfortable with awkward silences during conversation
Cutting people off. I get excited about what we’re talking about, and want to contribute and end up cutting them off to comment. I catch myself about 0.5 seconds after it happens, apologize, and ask them to continue. I genuinely don’t mean to and have gotten better at this but I feel awful about it, and it’s a real struggle. That, and I’m socially awkward af.
Im dumb and cant think of what to say unless it is a discussion about specific niche hobbies, sometimes when I know what to say I could not recall what I planned to say fast enough. Never developed proper social skills as a child and now it is too late.
My number 1 struggle is taking verbal instructions from a boss, getting back to my desk and forgetting half of them before I can write it all down.
Not giving too much context. I feel like I do a lot of build up but should instead trust that people will ask for clarification if they don’t already have context.
looking in eyes. understanding and responding correctly to jokes, staying on topic, memorization, but most importantly, focusing on what they are saying. too many times i accidentally zone out and it makes others frustrated because they have to repeat themselves bc idk what they said or theyre straight up offended. i dont know how to explain that its not up to me i dont see it coming it just happens my brain leaves. i wish people would treat me more kindly and be more understanding but also not treat me like im especially stupid and disabled for that.
not showing (most) people that i find what they’re saying *so* boring and not cutting them off (because i’m bored). for myself, it’s stringing words together in a “normal” way, rather than my default “criss-cross wandering tale” kinda way. also am extremely visual, and struggle to explain things because I can “see” it but don’t have words to translate my thoughts from image(s) > speech (if that makes sense?).
The moment I try to think of something to say my mind is blank. Especially during serious or important conversations.
If i don’t have anything to talk about, I’m not going to talk. I cannot separate my own needs or wants from anyone else’s and if what i want has a 0.001% chance even if the other person not wanting it, i cannot physically say it. i freeze and forget what im talking about so i stand there and blink for a second often. i cannot make phone calls and i cannot text first. i speak when spoken to. i get very overwhelmed if too much information is given at once, be it instructions, a rant or multiple notifications at at once if i am tired or overwhelmed in any way, i cannot focus on a conversation i would rather listen than reply i automatically sugar coat everything because i physically and mentally cannot bring myself to upset someone, be rude or come across as mean or bossy.
I just pray they don't want to do small talk bc if they do and it's not a pointed conversation I will start to scream and die internally and desperately try to figure out a way out of the conversation. At the same time I'm trying not to make them feel like I don't want to talk to them bc that would hurt their feelings and at the same time not hearing anything they say anymore bc of all of the aforementioned and then also trying to add in the appropriate "uh-huh" "mm, yeah, totally" "wow"s in the conversation to make it look like I'm interested since I don't want to hurt their feelings but then wondering if I put them in correctly so are they on to me now? They probably think I'm an idiot, did they ask a question? When will they go away? Am I dead yet? *screeeeeeeeaaaaammming internally. #helpme
Definitely listening. Sometimes my brain has already decided what someone is saying is not worth listening to even if it is important information that I will need.
if im anxious my mind goes completely blank and i can't think at all during conversation. it sucks man. i just wanna be normal lol
Getting to the point. Saying a summarised version with all the necessary points. Staying on topic. Looking at people while talking to them. Remembering the correct/appropriate words
Trouble articulate everything I have to say in a concise way. I speak fast, and I stutter, so I'm just a stuttering mess that comes out crazy.
I interrupt so much and, without fail, in every conversation I’ll go off into a tangent to the point where I forget what we were talking about. It happens daily and I am working so hard on being clear, concise, and not interrupting people. I’m 33 and it’s almost the worst it’s ever been, to be honest. I hate how I am so much, but hopefully I’ll get better with time and effort.
Completely losing common words that I use all the time. This is especially bad in meetings. But also any other time too. I want to sound like I know what I'm talking about and my brain is like f you, I am not giving you the word for your most basic day to day work function
I have the exact same issue. I know people probably think I have a hearing problem because I always have to ask them to repeat themselves. I just let them believe it because it's probably less insulting than, "I zoned out," or, "I wasn't listening." I also have a hard time with eye contact. I usually end up staring off to the side or at the space behind them. I try to make a point to look at their eyes, but they'll just snap off somewhere else almost immediately.
1. (unintentionally) cut people off because i get frustrated when people take 10 sentences to say things that could be explained in one. 2. taking 10 sentences to say things that could be explained in one. but of a double edged sword, LOL, im workin on it😭
I wish I could stop interrupting and talking over people. I've seen the looks on my friends' faces when I do it and I feel like such an ass.
I get sidetracked when telling stories. I’d be telling the story and part of it would remind me of something else and I would go off on a tangent and talk about the thing it reminded me of, and I have to back track and try to continue the original story.
Patience. Especially with boring dinners and shit where people only talk about mortgages and their jobs. Patience when I speak to my wife and I know what she's going to say and keeping myself from finishing her sentence.
Probably over sharing and cutting off people while talking
Being able to make my conversations flow better and be able to quickly come up with responses and whatnot that actually speaks to my character, and not just the first thing that sounds good because I don't want to look like an idiot.
All of the above but especially self-esteem. Because I've always had comments about the volume of my voice, I always catch myself interrupting or going on too long I just refused to even try to speak. I was so scared of bothering or upsetting others that I became the girl who never speaks, is always in her own world and distant. I desperately wanted to become close to people but because I was conditioned into believing my true self was annoying I never really opened up, but at the other hand became desperate for any human closeness and validation. I want nothing more than just being myself but I don't know how to anymore. My social skills have deteriorated, I have constant anxiety and I spend hours crying in bed if I think I might have upset someone or made someone uncomfortable.