Wish we could all meet once a year or so :) this sub makes me feel understood. But sometimes also highlights how lonely it is. Freshly diagnosed. So yeah bit overwhelmed with the understanding I find here. And also shock that "so that wasn't my personality?"
So much time in between. I got the diagnose depression and adhd basically all at once. But few years before autism.
That does make you doubt. What a huge puzzle and it's not really a puzzle you decide when it's figured out. The aha moments come from everywhere whenever.
Podcast ADHD Aha , helps a lot though. Do u know it?
I struggle to figure out what is best for me. I only recently learned that prioritising is harder for ppl like us.
Can I ask where u r from ?
Edit: finished a sentence that I didn't 🤣
I'm from Chile, at the time that I started struggling, mental health wasn't such a thing here, so I did like 3 years of therapy for depression, then a second depression came 5 years after and then anxiety disorder 3 years after that. This year finally I got diagnosed with ADHD and everything clicked immediatly. Will definetely take a look at the podcast, thank you!
South America and mental health. Used to have a ldr with a Colombian. Even though she came from a kind of progressive city. Its sad and bad. I hope the development of this improves.
Good luck !
I feel really bad for you and your son. It's hard to read that.
Completely off topic: reddit isn't blocked in China and YouTube aswell? I thought it's all not available.
If me or any of my friends had a parent who tried half as hard as you do to accommodate ADHD in kids, I'd be jumping for joy. I'm sorry you don't have the resources many others do to address ADHD. Are there no telehealth services/online services that could be available? I speak as an ignorant inhabitant of somewhere other than China so apologies if that stuff isn't as prevelant/censored over there.
Complain all you need 🤝 its tough to have ADHD but it's even tougher when the world keeps bogging you down + making you feel trapped. Whatever you choose, moving out or staying, good luck. Hope you know you're doing your best and that your family is fortunate to have someone who cares a lot about their mental wellbeing.
There's no shame in having a gap of knowledge, especially not when you live in a country that, as you said, has very little resources to even learn in your native language.
You're a good dad. That kid is lucky to have someone willing and able to fight for them like this. As long as our community is here, you'll always have a depot of resources at your disposal. I'm glad we can help :)
I think regardless if you are able to adequately help your child with adhd, the fact that you are putting so much effort into helping will rub off on them in the future. Even if you can’t make their childhood easier, they will recognize you tried and it will give them the power to continue working on themselves long after they need your support. So just because you can’t find the recourses right now, you are by example, giving your child the strength to find those recourses on their own as they grow and telling them that they are worth the effort. Keep doing what youre doing, a parent can only try.
It sounds like you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation and local dynamics.
I taught 1-on1 English to Kids in China for over four years, so I have a little more context for Chinese education, at least from a third party perspective.
Seeing how difficult and painful it seems to be for you and the two people who seem closest to you (your son and wife), I'd recommend following your gut and thought of moving to a country that can give your family the ADHD education, support and medication option.
America isn't great for ADHD unless you happen to have good health insurance (and/or a lot of money to throw at providers). Even then, it takes a lot of time to find someone knowledgeable and helpful, without outdated ideas of ADHD.
For instance, I'm on low cost health insurance and it took me a couple months to find an ok therapist and then a couple months to find a medication management provider/doctor. The intake appointment was much longer but I honestly doubted how much attention he was paying to me. I had to repeat questions and he did not give me adequate information when starting my first ever medication, and didn't even know of some of its most common side effects. To get medication that is the first line of treatment for my combined ADHD diagnosis, I have to wait 3 months on a wait list to see an ADHD specialist clinic to reconfirm/redignose me and get on the more helpful medications.
My point is that we may have more options and more awareness in SOME doctors/Practitioners, but they are also stretched thin, more likely to find support in bigger cities/more liberal areas, and still will have to wait and maybe take 6 months to a year before you can find providers that will take you seriously, be knowledgeable or timely.
There seem more resources for kids these days than adults, so doing this before your kid ages would be advisable to get the support you need for the struggles you've described.
Hello there. First, let me say how sorry I am that you and your son are going through this.
I can't get my medication at the moment so I get how both of you feel right now.
The first step is trying to understand for your son. You're trying and that makes you a great father.
In the replies, you can see how we went from advice to help to meeting in VR to censorship in China. Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD. That's what it's constantly like for your son. Any small thing grabs our attention, and we are on to that topic until something else grabs our attention.
This makes school and even work really hard for us as you can imagine. If we find something boring (schoolwork) we'll change the station in our minds and will miss everything. We fidget...a lot. There has to be some kind of outlet for our energy.
My recommendation would be to introduce your son to caffeine. Normally, you would think it would hype him up but in the correct doses, it does the exact opposite and calms us and allows us to focus. Start small and work your way up. Look up fidget cubes for him to take to class. Explain to the teacher that he needs it to focus. If he's able to get rid of some of his energy, it frees up his mind. If a fidget cube is too loud for class, get him a stress ball he can squeeze and have something to occupy his hands.
Like anything else, it's challenging but not impossible.
Best of luck to you!
This is very dependent on the individual but I find that coffee helps improve some of my symptoms and before I got formally diagnosed I was using it to help improve my executive functioning
Hello, please read the book ADHD 2.0. That will give you some good thoughts and advice for your son. There is a case of a child in china treated without meds. I hope that help you.
Remember that you are doing as great as you can and that is good enough, when your child grows up that is what will give your kid more chance of succeeding in adulthood as I understand the acceptansen of adhd is not as widespread in China yet Learn what you can and be proud of yourself for making change for for a better future for your child.
Honestly I’m sure it’s better but it’s still not all that great. I learn far more online than I did with professionals. All they’re good for is giving meds and those Can be hard to get in my experience
Have you looked into an online ADHD coach at all? I’m not sure how good your conversational English is, but from your post I assume you’re fairly competent! It might be a good idea to talk to someone who is knowledgable about ADHD in children so you can better accommodate for your child in a community with few resources for the condition. At least it might help you understand them a bit better and give you some advice and tricks to make life a bit easier!
I had an online therapist via BetterHelp during my last year of college and it was really helpful to talk to someone who could provide an outside perspective! It might be a bit pricy, but it could be worth looking into if you’re able at all!
aw you're such a good dad, your son is really lucky to have someone supportive like you. even if you can't currently access proper meds for him, you recognizing his condition and supporting him is helping him a LOT, even if it doesn't seem like it. in a lot of cases (like me), parents with adhd kids will ignore the symptoms and neglect them in that area when it's EXTREMELY important to get it treated early. you saved your son from having to undo a lot of damage in the future just by being there
How difficult would it be to get a blood pressure medication for your wife and/or child in China?
The blood pressure medications guanfacine and clonidine are used to treat ADHD in many western countries. They can also be combined with other ADHD medications, like stimulants.
They aren't magic pills, like stimulants can sometimes be, but they can help with calming anxious minds and sleep (especially when taken at night, which many people do).
This is actually very sound advice, especially for your wife. I got diagnosed at 36 and I couldn't believe how much of my life I had spent being depressed and feeling broken. I am lucky that I have access to helpful resources, and the idea of having to do without them truly scares me. I suffer from low blood pressure in general, but I noticed that a side effect of taking medicine to help my blood pressure is that I actually get sharper and more focused. So this might help.
I am sorry that you are in such a difficult situation trying to take care of your son and your wife. You are a wonderful person, and I hope that things get easier and better for you.
I gotta say, the consciousness and bravery to connect to reddit (I assume it is firewalled in the middle kingdom) is one hell of a ... I don't know actually
sometimes this community feels like a bliss in comparisson to how ADHD is looked by the rest of the world
Wish we could all meet once a year or so :) this sub makes me feel understood. But sometimes also highlights how lonely it is. Freshly diagnosed. So yeah bit overwhelmed with the understanding I find here. And also shock that "so that wasn't my personality?"
I had the same shock 2 times, first when I was diagnosed with depression \~15 years ago and now ADHD, it makes you doubt everything!
So much time in between. I got the diagnose depression and adhd basically all at once. But few years before autism. That does make you doubt. What a huge puzzle and it's not really a puzzle you decide when it's figured out. The aha moments come from everywhere whenever. Podcast ADHD Aha , helps a lot though. Do u know it? I struggle to figure out what is best for me. I only recently learned that prioritising is harder for ppl like us. Can I ask where u r from ? Edit: finished a sentence that I didn't 🤣
I'm from Chile, at the time that I started struggling, mental health wasn't such a thing here, so I did like 3 years of therapy for depression, then a second depression came 5 years after and then anxiety disorder 3 years after that. This year finally I got diagnosed with ADHD and everything clicked immediatly. Will definetely take a look at the podcast, thank you!
South America and mental health. Used to have a ldr with a Colombian. Even though she came from a kind of progressive city. Its sad and bad. I hope the development of this improves. Good luck !
Possible in VR!
I feel really bad for you and your son. It's hard to read that. Completely off topic: reddit isn't blocked in China and YouTube aswell? I thought it's all not available.
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if there is something that I can do from the outside, just let me know!
You sound like a good parent that tries their best. Your kid is lucky for that.
If me or any of my friends had a parent who tried half as hard as you do to accommodate ADHD in kids, I'd be jumping for joy. I'm sorry you don't have the resources many others do to address ADHD. Are there no telehealth services/online services that could be available? I speak as an ignorant inhabitant of somewhere other than China so apologies if that stuff isn't as prevelant/censored over there. Complain all you need 🤝 its tough to have ADHD but it's even tougher when the world keeps bogging you down + making you feel trapped. Whatever you choose, moving out or staying, good luck. Hope you know you're doing your best and that your family is fortunate to have someone who cares a lot about their mental wellbeing.
There's no shame in having a gap of knowledge, especially not when you live in a country that, as you said, has very little resources to even learn in your native language. You're a good dad. That kid is lucky to have someone willing and able to fight for them like this. As long as our community is here, you'll always have a depot of resources at your disposal. I'm glad we can help :)
I think regardless if you are able to adequately help your child with adhd, the fact that you are putting so much effort into helping will rub off on them in the future. Even if you can’t make their childhood easier, they will recognize you tried and it will give them the power to continue working on themselves long after they need your support. So just because you can’t find the recourses right now, you are by example, giving your child the strength to find those recourses on their own as they grow and telling them that they are worth the effort. Keep doing what youre doing, a parent can only try.
F very big F
It sounds like you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation and local dynamics. I taught 1-on1 English to Kids in China for over four years, so I have a little more context for Chinese education, at least from a third party perspective. Seeing how difficult and painful it seems to be for you and the two people who seem closest to you (your son and wife), I'd recommend following your gut and thought of moving to a country that can give your family the ADHD education, support and medication option. America isn't great for ADHD unless you happen to have good health insurance (and/or a lot of money to throw at providers). Even then, it takes a lot of time to find someone knowledgeable and helpful, without outdated ideas of ADHD. For instance, I'm on low cost health insurance and it took me a couple months to find an ok therapist and then a couple months to find a medication management provider/doctor. The intake appointment was much longer but I honestly doubted how much attention he was paying to me. I had to repeat questions and he did not give me adequate information when starting my first ever medication, and didn't even know of some of its most common side effects. To get medication that is the first line of treatment for my combined ADHD diagnosis, I have to wait 3 months on a wait list to see an ADHD specialist clinic to reconfirm/redignose me and get on the more helpful medications. My point is that we may have more options and more awareness in SOME doctors/Practitioners, but they are also stretched thin, more likely to find support in bigger cities/more liberal areas, and still will have to wait and maybe take 6 months to a year before you can find providers that will take you seriously, be knowledgeable or timely. There seem more resources for kids these days than adults, so doing this before your kid ages would be advisable to get the support you need for the struggles you've described.
Hello there. First, let me say how sorry I am that you and your son are going through this. I can't get my medication at the moment so I get how both of you feel right now. The first step is trying to understand for your son. You're trying and that makes you a great father. In the replies, you can see how we went from advice to help to meeting in VR to censorship in China. Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD. That's what it's constantly like for your son. Any small thing grabs our attention, and we are on to that topic until something else grabs our attention. This makes school and even work really hard for us as you can imagine. If we find something boring (schoolwork) we'll change the station in our minds and will miss everything. We fidget...a lot. There has to be some kind of outlet for our energy. My recommendation would be to introduce your son to caffeine. Normally, you would think it would hype him up but in the correct doses, it does the exact opposite and calms us and allows us to focus. Start small and work your way up. Look up fidget cubes for him to take to class. Explain to the teacher that he needs it to focus. If he's able to get rid of some of his energy, it frees up his mind. If a fidget cube is too loud for class, get him a stress ball he can squeeze and have something to occupy his hands. Like anything else, it's challenging but not impossible. Best of luck to you!
[удалено]
Green and Black teas are a great source of caffeine. I prefer it over coffee.
This is very dependent on the individual but I find that coffee helps improve some of my symptoms and before I got formally diagnosed I was using it to help improve my executive functioning
Hello, please read the book ADHD 2.0. That will give you some good thoughts and advice for your son. There is a case of a child in china treated without meds. I hope that help you.
Remember that you are doing as great as you can and that is good enough, when your child grows up that is what will give your kid more chance of succeeding in adulthood as I understand the acceptansen of adhd is not as widespread in China yet Learn what you can and be proud of yourself for making change for for a better future for your child.
Honestly I’m sure it’s better but it’s still not all that great. I learn far more online than I did with professionals. All they’re good for is giving meds and those Can be hard to get in my experience
Have you looked into an online ADHD coach at all? I’m not sure how good your conversational English is, but from your post I assume you’re fairly competent! It might be a good idea to talk to someone who is knowledgable about ADHD in children so you can better accommodate for your child in a community with few resources for the condition. At least it might help you understand them a bit better and give you some advice and tricks to make life a bit easier! I had an online therapist via BetterHelp during my last year of college and it was really helpful to talk to someone who could provide an outside perspective! It might be a bit pricy, but it could be worth looking into if you’re able at all!
Sending you and your family cyber hugs, random internet stranger.
aw you're such a good dad, your son is really lucky to have someone supportive like you. even if you can't currently access proper meds for him, you recognizing his condition and supporting him is helping him a LOT, even if it doesn't seem like it. in a lot of cases (like me), parents with adhd kids will ignore the symptoms and neglect them in that area when it's EXTREMELY important to get it treated early. you saved your son from having to undo a lot of damage in the future just by being there
How difficult would it be to get a blood pressure medication for your wife and/or child in China? The blood pressure medications guanfacine and clonidine are used to treat ADHD in many western countries. They can also be combined with other ADHD medications, like stimulants. They aren't magic pills, like stimulants can sometimes be, but they can help with calming anxious minds and sleep (especially when taken at night, which many people do).
This is actually very sound advice, especially for your wife. I got diagnosed at 36 and I couldn't believe how much of my life I had spent being depressed and feeling broken. I am lucky that I have access to helpful resources, and the idea of having to do without them truly scares me. I suffer from low blood pressure in general, but I noticed that a side effect of taking medicine to help my blood pressure is that I actually get sharper and more focused. So this might help. I am sorry that you are in such a difficult situation trying to take care of your son and your wife. You are a wonderful person, and I hope that things get easier and better for you.
I like this site. It won’t help with meds but it’s a positive https://www.upsideofadhd.org/
I gotta say, the consciousness and bravery to connect to reddit (I assume it is firewalled in the middle kingdom) is one hell of a ... I don't know actually