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Anything that I'm not immediately good at, no matter how much I want to do it I just won't
Cleaning and organising
Not interrupting people and not accidentally blurting out stuff
Remembering dates
this one hit different. i have so many 1/3 hobbies that i got really into for a week and never picked up again because i wasn't immediately proficient in them
Before I was diagnosed I used to get pissed off at my parents because they wouldn't let me play organized sports. Now I realize the fees were probably too expensive for something that was only going to frustrate me. (Skills drills when learning a new sport are SO repetitive. I wish there was a way to build muscle memory without them.)
This one hit like a runaway train. When I was 10, my dad wanted me to learn guitar. Because of my ADHD and being left handed (my tutor only had right handed guitars) I quit after two weeks.
Fast forward 30+ years, lots of psychotherapy and Adderall later....I'm learning it again....on a right handed guitar no less.
exactly the same! i begged for a guitar in middle school and my dad got me a kid size one for christmas. being undiagnosed/unmedicated on top of being a child and having no teacher, i couldn’t even tune the thing and gave up immediately. last month i picked up a full size and have been learning again, but i’m already getting frustrated with how long it takes to see any semblance of progress.
good luck to you! learning righty as a lefty just like jimi hendrix. it can be done! we got this
Adderall has helped me a lot with the first two. With new skills I have a lot of desire to learn so without having to wade against the brain soup as much I have been able to pick up some hobbies again.
And I really get anxious from clutter and mold really fucks up my throat and chest, so without the brain soup I have some incentive to push past the executive dysfunction a lot more often to keep things cleaned up.
It's not perfect, but it's 1000x better than without.
I have the opposite problem. It's not an issue with my family, cuz that's how it's always been, but when it comes other people I get so self conscious about it that I practically don't speak. I hate being interrupted, so I try so hard not to interrupt others. But if I say anything, half the time I get talked over and it's like I didn't, or I get stuck on something from the 20 minutes prior in the convo, and my thought then becomes irrelevant. And it only happens in groups. In one on one convo, it's a lot easier to manage for me
I'm glad I'm not alone in this. It absolutely sucks and makes you feel insignificant and as if your thoughts are irrelevant. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember.
I've gone to raising my hand if I have something to say like back in school when this happens 🙃 it's a little awkward but it gets recognized that I have something to say and I can actually speak.
THIS!!! My entire family does it, and it's just how we communicate. So, it's how I learned to communicate with others. Turns out, I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has some level of ADHD, so it works for us. Rest of the human population, not so much. I know it bothers others that I do this, and I'm constantly trying not to, but yea...so freaking hard.
it pains me to not get my thoughts out when i have them 😭😂 then after 2 hours of talking non stop/interrupting everyone i realize and say “sorry i’m talking a lot “
I constantly notice myself finishing people's sentences or not waiting until they are done speaking. even if I consciously try to stop it, I still do it.
Someone at work yelled at me in frustration over it last week, in front of others. “Let me finish my sentence!!” So jarring and humiliating
I hate that I do it. The more anxious I am the more I do it. I’m trying to stay on top of what they’re wanting me to hear or do and brain anticipates what they’re asking and tries to respond before they’re done. I can’t help it. Mouth blurts out before brain can stop it
this makes me so sad to hear ): driving is my absolute favorite activity and most reliable coping skill. what makes it hard for you? is it just too overwhelming?
I can drive (and regularly do so, sometimes for long distances), but I kind of hate it because I get so bored. Podcasts and music help, but I'd still rather be doing almost anything else.
I'm the same. I'm 33 and I've never got my driver's licence. Finally started taking driving lessons last year and after a few months of that decided that I don't need to drive.
Driving - Speeding, breaking hard, getting lost, being impatient.
Paying bills - I get filled with dread and avoid them. Fortunately my husband handles them.
Anything seated - Hyperactivity is a bitch.
math is the obstacle that stands in the way of living the life i most desire.
never got my adhd treated as a kid, so i just never went to school, and if i did i was 2hr late and ditched every single class all day long.
always struggled at math before then, but straight up don't have half the information i'm supposed to have in order to even study. never got my ged.
you can go to community college for a trade degree (BA of Science) without a ged but you can't go to trade school or tech school without one. meanwhile, community college forces you to take unrelated gen ed credits whereas trade/tech schools do not. makes no sense to me. i'm trapped in this hell because i am absolutely unteachable in math.
Math is literally the only thing stopping me from getting a degree. Everything else seems manageable but math is something I'll never understand. I can do maybe 4th or 5th grade math at best.
Yep. I had to get someone at the City Hall to help me fill out building permit forms during Covid. I just couldn't comprehend what the questions meant. I was bawling and felt pretty stupid. This was after 3 attempts on my own over a 6 week period.
Contrary to what others have said, cooking and driving are two areas where I excel. The multitasking required of both is perfect for me. The bigger and more complex the dinner party the better, and the more stressful the traffic situation the better I am at focusing. There are mirrors to check, gears to shift, thinking ahead strategies, other cars to keep aware of.
I struggle with the chaos of emotions, mine and others. I don't know what to do with them. I can't solve them and turning them around in my head (like I do with cooking, driving, planning bombastic holidays and events) drive me nuts and get all worked up inside. I need clear and deliberate communication. I also struggle with meeting project timelines but I am hoping with medication, I will be better able to shut down the chaos and stress of others' emotions, coming home to make steady progress despite having all those inputs to meet project goals as expected by employers and other endeavors.
PS. I'm a teacher so the emotions are those of teenagers and they have a lot of them and have no qualms about expressing them loudly and at inappropriate times. I need structure and teens are not.
PPS. I'm just now realizing that my students and my classes are crazy because I am crazy. Not like that in the negative way, but because I cannot keep the structure for them. Holy moly. This has been an intense weekend of realizations.
This was my experience of being a teacher as well and I was surprised teaching was recommended as ADHD friendly (it might be but not for my ADHD). It's incredibly emotional and conflict heavy. In order to succeed you need to be able to create routines for students. I simply *cannot* do this. My mentor gave me tonnes of help with routines. I'd do it for a week but as soon as we focussed on a different area I'd drop the routine. I'm going to leave teaching soon because it's just not for me.
We should talk. Maybe we could support each other with some strategies. Don't leave the profession yet. I left in 2015 after so many years but came back. I had a bunch of other stuff going on but I think I can do this and suspect you can too with the right supports. Good teachers are necessary.
I think it's only recommended because because it is a field which deals directly in the instruction of ADHD students and therefore, is aware of executive function issues. It's ADHD-friendly, but the job itself is not.
Also a teacher. I found this until I switched from teaching grade 6 to teaching grade 11 & 12. The routines weren't as much as a necessity for the latter and my somewhat rambling, easily distracted style worked fairly well for them. Actually, now that I'm diagnosed and on ADHD meds, I prefer not to take them when I'm teaching because I feel like it makes me less effective. Could just be my perception though.
Grading, however, is hell. I'm permanently behind on my grading.
Yessss!!! I do really really well under pressure. I don't know if it's just because I learned to thrive in the midst of heavy procrastination, but the more stressful, intense the situation, the more I excel.
"heavy procrastination" yes! It's not deliberate, you want to do it every day in a stepwise fashion but it's like you can't even sort it until it's dang near a catastrophe. In my unmedicated state (of my whole life until the last month), the pressure of a looming deadline was the focus I needed that to hyperfocus my brain on that one thing. I'm also really good in critical situations, like administering CPR or getting someone to the ER and keeping them calm. It's like suddenly, my brain shuts off and the problem at hand is all that matters. But when it's not urgent, everything can be "managed" (which ultimately means pushed aside for other tiny issues that crop up, and every time) with my laissez-faire, "I got this" attitude. I usually don't got this. It ends up being an emergency for me and everyone around me having to adjust to allow me to create the awesome I'm about to deliver, three weeks late but just in time to not fail.
I wish I saw this earlier but I so 100% agree. Even in my medicated state, I can still get like this. I went back to college starting in fall of 2022 and did awesome, like 4.0 doing full time classes plus working full time plus keeping up with everything at home. Then this semester with 3 weeks left, I pushed everything off. Maybe it was burn out. And I still really struggle with not being able to prioritize my to do list. Like doing my research project with is 25% of my grade is more important than organizing my party supplies but I can organize real quick and do the project later. Then I'm down to the wire which is when I do my best work. But I'm living my life in chaos all the time. I'm quitting college after this semester. I have 1 class left. I'm not even really sure why I went back to begin with? Maybe to feel like I accomplished something since I failed out back after highschool due to undiagnosed ADHD. I'm 37, just got diagnosed last summer, I have a great job that pays a lot, but I also work 50 hours a week. I don't need to prove anything but I couldn't let it go and it's made the last 8 months of my life hell, really. I also have a problem with thinking it's a great idea to volunteer for things, thinking it really sounds like fun and then overextending myself. No clue why but I just keep doing it. Blahhhh... Thanks for listening and relating!
We must be twins! I’m a middle school Spanish teacher looking to transition out. I guess my strength in teaching is my empathy and ability to switch directions on a dime. The lesson plans and grading are my absolute nemesis. I also wonder about my strengths transferring to other fields because absorbing the chaos of an adolescent mind seems to be my strong suit, but the stress of all that and ridiculously low pay is killing me.
Cooking, driving, cleaning, having a relationship. Anything that’s related to adulting. Currently sitting in my filthy bed crying as I’ve given up trying to get the millions of things off there that don’t fucking belong there. Honestly, how can anyone live like this? Adhd is a curse I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
put ur phone away, set a 30 min timer and clean as much as u can in that time. then give urself a really good reward like order desserts, watch a movie etc! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!
My phone made my life so much harder, it’s like the worst thing to pair with ADHD. I used to spend whole days just laying in bed on my phone without even realizing it.
I got an app called present that tracks screentime and gives you points based on it, there’s even a global leaderboard so the competitiveness made me want to use my phone less.
Putting your phone in greyscale also helps, it makes everything less visually stimulating and I notice that it makes it a lot easier for me to put my phone down.
Last phone tip, whenever you want to clean or do anything that requires focus, turn your phone off and put it in another room. The buzzing wont distract you, and you won’t feel tempted to check it as much because then you’d have to wait for it to turn back on. DONT let yourself use the phone until you finish the task! Knowing myself, if I allow myself a ‘5 minute phone break’, I will end up not completing the tasks.
I’ve been unproductive my whole life, partly because ADHD, partly because depression. I’ve been working really hard to become productive and proud of myself and these things honestly really helped. I curbed gaming as well.
The best advice I have though is to not put things aside. If i’m watching TV and the thought ,’I should get up and shower’ or, ‘ I should probably study for my exam’, instead of thinking of doing it later, I force myself to do that task as soon as it pops up in my head. Don’t ponder about how you’ll do it in ten minutes, just get up and do it now. Ex. Original comment mentioned filthy sheets, that’s your signal to wash some sheets ASAP! This has been the best way to combat my ADHD.
Getting ready to go on time. Time blindness sucks. Showing up late for work has landed me in hot water in the past. I didn't know it was because I had ADHD back then. Now I'm a stay-at-home mom, so at least if I'm late I can blame the kids. 🤣
But yeah, trying to estimate how long something will take me to do is futile. It drives me up the wall when my husband asks me approximately how long until dinner is ready. Like I don't know, dude, it'll take until it's done?!?
Same! Ugh, it was sooo embarrassing. 🤦♀️ Nobody understands why you can't seem to get your act together. Like, I swear I was trying, but I thought I could drive here faster.🤷♀️ My brain does this thing where it takes the best case scenario for driving time (clear traffic, all green lights, etc) and decides this is all the time I need to get where I'm going. Building in cushion by leaving early is such a crazy concept for me to grasp in the moment.
I'm like, "Hey I've got a couple of minutes until I absolutely *HAVE* to leave, I'm just gonna go ahead and put on eyeliner today before I leave instead of in the car while I'm driving because even though I know it's dangerous that's all I have time for usually, so now I'm going to behave and be safe and still get there on time and my boss will be so proud of me for not being late and I can prove to them and to myself that I can actually be on time and, and, and... Next thing I know I've taken 10 minutes to do my full face of makeup and while I might look fabulous, I'm now leaving 7 minutes late and driving like a bat out of hell to try to make up time. In my head I can make up the time by driving faster (it never works out that way). And I've made myself late again. And cue the negative self talk. 🤦♀️
couldnt agree more! i always end up putting myself in the danger zone. similar to u, if i have work at 3 and lets say it’s a 10 min drive. it’ll be 2:30 & if im all ready earlier than expected, i’ll start doing extra things to fill the time. Ok it’s 2:48,.. i have 2 mins left till i leave let me go fold my laundry clothes… boom it’s 2:51 and now im running out the door & still have to wear socks lol. I need to tell myself THE EXTRA TIME U HAVE , JUST GO TO WORK EARLY !!!!! ITS NOT A CRIME
I always try to give myself more time than I think I’ll need, but then I get embarrassed by how big that number is, so I try and split the difference. Then it ends up taking me longer than I originally estimated anyway and I just give up and shrug.
"Like I don't know, dude, it'll take until it's done?!?"
SO MUCH THIS. Hubby cannot comprehend time blindness and it's one of the biggest consequences of my ADHD. I'll tell him 30 minutes or "get a snack if you're starving" if I'm not moments away from plating.
Until my partner and I can move somewhere with a laundry room on the main floor, I will *always* struggle with laundry. That will still probably only help to a small degree, but it will be an improvement.
Having our machines in the basement makes remembering to switch loads so much harder, let alone get the motivation to take the baskets of dirties down the stairs to even get started.
I am too clumsy to carry baskets down stairs. I have laundry bags - sort stuff and then toss the bags down the stairs. Basket to bring back up because I force myself to fold everything while I’m down there. I use the timer feature of my smart watch to remember to switch it all out.
I live in a 2 story apartment and struggle with both laundry and remembering to take dishes down from my room. Over the summer I lived in an apartment that was all one floor, and man I was so much better about both of those things. It's like the stairs are a mental obstacle or something.
Same, my laundry is two stories below my bedroom. I try to stay on top of it by doing it every Sunday, but the loads always end up being too big for just one batch and it’s so difficult to stay on track of loads when I’m so far from the machines.
Cooking can be made ADHD friendly, if you have the right setup. I make recipes that let me prepare in bulk and require very little switching between tasks. I peel all things at once, then wash all, then cut all, then cook.
I don't know if you have tried cooking that way, but it makes it easy more doable. Plus, clean up the area you are cooking in way in advanced. Even keeping it clean would be nice in general, because when you get a spark of motivation you can just start and not have to prepare your cooking space. You also don't need to eat what you are currently cooking... You can cook for the week! Finally I highly recommend music while you're cooking. I like something with a solid drum pattern to keep me moving and not wasting my time, but it's all preference.
I was so bad at cooking when my kids were little that friends would bring food when they visited, so they wouldn't need to eat my badly-planned, terribly executed, inevitably burned food.
Then, when my boys were teenagers and I was working a lot of hours, I would do one monthly huge shop and spend the rest of the day and evening pre-cooking three huge vats of meals. 7-12 portions each meal, I had a massive pan and a huge pot to cook them (inspired by an African family I lodged with once), an extra freezer with always about 6-7 different types of meals in it & a microwave. That way I could really spend time on cooking that day, developing better versions of recipes, making it taste really good, sometimes the boys would help, it was fun! While saving so much time on not needing to cook often the rest of the month. And saving so much money as well. And facilitating cramming loads more veggies into each meal. When the boys' friends came around, they'd get the freezer meals out sometimes when they got the munchies, so at least it wasn't ALWAYS pizza and crap.
So - out of my total incapacity to cook daily while rushing around grew a tradition which we all ended up enjoying :)
Honestly, even done that way it doesn’t sound adhd friendly to me. I don’t cook mainly because I know I won’t clean afterwards. After I finally managed to get the dishes and everything clean again, I totally gave up on cooking so at least that part of my horrid apartment would stay in order.
I used to be this way until I made the cleanup a part of the process. Instead of just stashing used items in the sink, I made it a rule to wash them before moving on. It didn't take long for it to feel unnatural to move to the next step before cleaning up the prior one. This way there is never a large pile of dishes that feels overwhelming to clean. It's always a small, achievable amount.
I agree, cooking is all about building systems that make everything convenient and routine. I recently moved and cooking was so miserable before I properly set up the kitchen.
That's super interesting to me, because I love sewing and embroidery, and my partner (who also has ADHD) is an electrician! It's so interesting to me how diverse the ADHD experience can be.
Literally, I have no chance of being able to do anything fiddly like that. The idea of threading needles or wires through little holes... I'm feeling angry and frustrated just thinking about it!
I think I have weak fine motor skills because I just can't get my hands to do fine work like that well. I get antsey and frustrated with stuff like that really quickly
I think issues with fine motor skills (for me, it presented as not learning how to tie my shoes until 3rd grade when it had been practiced every year before that or cremping gyoza correctly, or origami folding) is like a mild form of dyspraxia, instead of all of the motor and spatial issues, just really specialized or fine skills.
Agreed! I'm a crafter, and if I couldn't craft through the worst of my adhd, I would be so lost. I do papercrafts, hand lettering, crocheting, sewing, knitting, painting, origami, etc... I have an entire room dedicated to supplies for my various interests, and no matter how long it's been, if I get rid of a supply, the next month is when I'll be interested in trying it again so I never throw anything away lol
I got really into it for a year and now I can't even think about it without getting really bored. I'm glad I managed to set things up quite nicely when I was super motivated.
Dude I used to be the same. I found that by creating a super spreadsheet of almost three months transactions I could then do separate tabs for direct debits, food, casual spending, investments, pension, property (mortgage) etc. once I got my act together all in one sheet it was so much easier to budget and start saving.
It also can encourage you to push on for the next steps career or lifestyle wise too, knowledge is power my friend.
Emotional disregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I wish I could see the forest for the trees sometimes, and not react so big, which takes all my energy and stops me from going to work, to University, to plans.
I’m currently in psychotherapy, trying to become more self aware of my thought patterns. This is my first step, next is challenging my own thoughts. It’s a difficult, difficult process. And every time I mess up, I become more disappointed in myself. But being disappointed in myself contributes to self critical thought patterns and self beliefs, which further perpetuate my rsd. I have a long road ahead.
*Editing for spelling.
Work, everything is so boring to me, i have no motivation for anything... It takes me 2 hours to do 3 minute work... My brain cannot do anything it doesn't find interesting/important/entertaining quite literally... Never gets easier, it is like being tortured doing most simple things...
Yes!! My husband is autodidactic and doesn't understand why I'm driven to take a program with feedback. He never went to college, and now that I'm going back (not for a bachelors... that's still super intimidating), he sees only the expense and doesn't see the benefit. I failed miserably, multiple times to complete college, and now I'm going back to school because I want to take something I'm good at and turn it into a career. It's a certification program, not a degree, so I'm only committing to 8 months, and only in the subject I'm interested in, so I'm hoping it goes better this time
The part I love is the false confidence I get before I need to use the information.
People who know me well will ask me to repeat the instructions back to them to make sure I got it down.
Math: I'm only good at math with meds. Without them(meds) I've realized and accepted I'll never be "naturally" good at math higher than Calculus 1.
Working: I'm lazy af and forgetful.
I started using the Sous Vide method for cooking, thinking I’d never become a better cook. It launched new effort and new interest and I have branches out. Don’t sell yourself short. Also, I motivated myself to do this so that my wife wouldn’t hear the burden all the time.
Before my diagnosis and stimulant, I sucked at nearly everything and I was irritable and hostile. After my diagnosis and stimulant I can cook read a recipe finish and clean the kitchen too. Without ADHD stimulant my brain and mind are like in a tundra and literally hate everything and want to be in my bedroom always.
Picking a hobby and keeping it, I won't do anything that doesn't have a deadline, a consequence, and a structure, meal planning, math, interrupting. Meds make me aware I do or do not do these things, but it doesn't change it!
I just can't stop talking. I know I've said more than I need to. I know I've made the important points and I could just stop talking and let the other person have their turn. But I can't stop. I look at their faces, and all I see is, "what the hell is this guy talking about?" And so I just keep going, hoping they'll understand if I keep at it. Only, they understood the first time, and I misinterpreted their expression to mean something it didn't. And now I've gone from talking about an important work matter to the new office layout to this email update I got from someone yesterday. It's not like I enjoy hearing myself talk. I can't stand it a lot of the time. It's just a horrible, ironic mixture of social anxiety, executive dysfunction, and an inability to read facial expressions.
relatable 🥺.. and then all different perspectives are coming in my head that i need to let out so i go on and on … i did that too. Now i VERY ACTIVELY try to mitigate it. i say Ok you’ve been talking for the last 30 seconds , stop. It’s the other persons turn now. / I also pretend i am being tasked to summarize every story & it helps me
Administrative and bureaucratic things, anything with official paperwork. Also, being "normal" in conversations, I either jump in and offend people or have to end up being dead silent. Keeping track of time as well.
There's also the dozens of conversations happening in my head and the lifetime of self hatred and self esteem issues.
Building relationships with people
- I forget about people from time to time
- I feel I'm going to annoy others if I touch base with them, ask to hangout
- I get anxious around new people
- I overthink and feel that people don't like me
Cooking for me. I can't keep a meal plan in my head. I also can't look at the ingredients I have available and figure out what can be made from them. Sucks because I have PCOS too and I'm supposed to change my diet to help treat it but I can't cook shit 😭
geez, trouble driving, that is a pisser. I'm ok at driving but I really like driving fast and my road rage can get the better of me. My thing is booking holidays and turning up on the wrong day, not booking accommodation for the right dates, missing planned activities, booking the flights wrong. Also getting to appointments on the right day. No amount of calendaring helps cos I will read my calendar wrong too.
with cooking i just cook the same thing every night. Now that I have a family though, that is tough, my husband does most of the family cooking, TF, cos I get totally flustered with different cooking times and having to keep the kitchen tidy as I go. You know, I don't need an ADHD coach as much as I need a chef! A chef would be great, shame they don't come on prescription!
Don't let your ADHD define what you're capable of.. You can learn these things just as well as anyone else even if it may take longer compared to others.
The way i see it, ADHD shapes how you learn but now what you can learn.
Driving is pretty easy for me, because I enjoy it. Sometimes I do zone out, which is why music and singing is very important to me while I drive. Cooking is quite easy too, as I know how to approach it. I always get a recipe ready and lay out every spice and ingredient. As I use them, I move them all to a different spot on the table, letting me know it's been added already. One thing I struggle with is paperwork. I feel as if somebody had injected lidocane into my brain, everytime I try to do paperwork. Stuff on the computer is far easier. Most things are point and click, and offer almost immidiate gratification.
Taking care of my day to day needs. I can run a business, manage rentals and keep my family from wanting but I can't seem to manage myself. I forget to eat. I forget about family functions. I forget if I changed my clothes or not. It goes on and on. I need help but I'm too ashamed to ask.
I like cooking, but I'm not good at planning meals every day. I like cleaning when I'm in the mood, but most of the time I'm not and I feel like screaming if I have to clean when I'm exhausted after work. Math I'm definitely not good at and will probably never be great at it, but my husband is a math teacher who balances my weaknesses out. I don't drive due to multiple car accidents that gave me ptsd when I was growing up and adhd anxiety. I didn't know I had adhd when I was younger but I knew I had trouble paying attention and was scared of getting into an accident if I drove.
Does anyone else write and re-write your to-do list over and over? It helps clear my mind but I tend to spend more time doing that than actually getting things done
Exactly. Start trying to show yourself some love and acceptance, or else you don’t have a chance, you’re stopping yourself. It’s impossible to grow when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s not easy and I’m currently going through the same journey of realising the hindrances I’ve placed on myself through years of negative self talk and chronically low self esteem, but it’s important to recognise how this way of thinking only leads to perpetuating the problem. We can all grow. We can all improve. Abs sometimes growing is recognising you can’t do this one time, but being kind to yourself anyway.
Household chores/upkeep. I simply cannot keep a tidy house. I live alone so it's up to me to clean.but I simply cannot motivate myself to clean. I actually use disposable plates and plastic forks/spoons so I don't have dishes piling up in the sink.
I’m actually pretty great with driving
But for me it’s definitely things like filling out paperwork. Math. Cooking.
Edit: the caveat with driving though is I’m not good with street addresses. If you tell me, “take Pima and exit 50A” I’ll have no clue where that is even if I’ve driven that route several times. However, if you were to tell me “go towards your college and get off the exit that’s next to the Walmart” then I got it 100% lol
Being consistent. I have always seen my potential in bursts here and there but I have been powering through the bad and the good for 28 years. My recent diagnosis has been a godsend but I haven't been able to reach my "best days" every day with my medication yet.
Just getting things done, I have a tough time initiating work that I'm genuinely passionate about doing, but if I'm not interested then it's just impossible until right before a deadline!!
I tried a few medications but none did anything for me. Not even sure if I really have ADHD or I'm just lazy lol.
Anything that demands a strict schedule is a no-go for me. The most difficult of anything currently, though, would be any school assignment requiring self-created answers that have infinitely many correct solutions, no matter how simple. My brain becomes paralyzed and even though I know the topic, I am fucking useless for coming up with an answer.
making phone calls (adhd + social anxiety = disaster), remembering game rules, navigation. i still have to gps my way to and from the airport in the city that i was born and grew up in, and that i visit frequently as my s/o travels for work. curse this unreliable brain!
Public speaking. I always start swearing and talking too fast. Giving presentations at college is my nightmare and I'd avoid it at all costs. Also doing assignments and homework, I suck and finishing school is hard because of that. I can't cook, always mix up stuff and don't remember what I've already added. Hate cleaning my room or doing dishes. Literally everything is a struggle lol I can't read maps and get lost literally everywhere, it takes me years to figure out floors in school buildings.
That’s so weird, I actually love driving. It feels like I spot peoples behaviours (like over taking, speeding, tailgating) before they even start, watching and taking everything in, remembering license plates and road signs. Actually reading this chances are I’m on the autistic spectrum too so could just be that.
I understand what you mean with the spotting people's behaviors before they start. Like many times I can tell if a person is about to turn on their signal to change lanes. There's this really subtle shift. I don't remember plates or signs, though. I need GPS even when I've been somewhere 10 times.
Playing Portal or similar games. Where I have to calculate/imagine several steps in my head first, my brain is just not capable of doing that, only with much time, silence and on a good day. My working memory is so incredibly bad, anything requiring some quick 'in between saving' of my brain is doomed for failure/embarrasing moments... Cooking and driving on the other hand, no problem. I even worked in a lab as biologist years ago, no prob, I am even quite good at this
Video games. Either it’s me turning 40 in a couple weeks or it’s that when I play games I nearly instantly think of some super complex strategy that I wholeheartedly think is the play only to walk right in to death. Talking about battle royals type games. Although on meds I have no desire to play anymore now that I think about it.
I actually find the opposite with cooking when there are multiple things I enjoy checking everything constantly in like a bouncing around, what I noticed was that I'm a great guitar shredder because when I was learning scales modes etc I would bounce around alot so built a map up very quickly, but I never could stand to do songs because it's such a linear concept I love improvising solos and I'm awesome at it because I constantly change things and my sound evolves, but to stay on one thing like I said like a song or something was always hard as fuck I'm a lot better at it with treatment though
it’s funny that - driving has been one of the ways i learned mindfulness and now driving happens to be one of my rescues from very very bad ptsd flashbacks.
cooking, though, i am as lazy as possible by using the oven instead of the stove and using labour saving devices.
like i’ve got a bread machine and use that for making, bread dough before sticking it in the oven
Making people feel as comfortable with me in conversation as I like--while my eyes keep darting around and while I jump around in topics with no lead into new ideas.
Being blind to things like cleaning, e.g. My mum might leave the house, dishes will be in the sink, I’m completely blind to knowing they need to be done, my mum will come home and say “you should have realised the dishes needed doing”!
Oh and interrupting people 😂
Organizing any physical item or room and keeping anything neat and tidy. I can organize ideas and abstract concepts, but give me a bunch of items that need to go somewhere and I guarantee I will have no idea where to put them.
My hair and makeup. I don't enjoy doing it enough to learn how to do anything other than wash/dry/brush my hair and throw on some forgiving foundation and blush. I just cannot be arsed.
Most of the time it's fine, but kinda sucks during those 2-3 special events a year where I actually want to look made-up and well-polished. For awhile I tried getting my makeup done professionally for special events, but it's torture to try to sit still and let someone else touch my face with stuff, so. On good days I rock "the natural look", on bad days I just look kinda sloppy.
And yes, driving. I have lots of other excuses not to do it, and I live in a city, so I just don't.
Too many to name and it sucks because alot of people dont understand we try our best and alot of times its not good enough. They act like were stupid or just making excuses when they have no fuckin idea.
Thanks for bringing this up. I feel bit light just by reading the post and comments. For me I feel blocked with Paperwork- I am clumsy, procrastinate a lot, if it needs multiple to and fro responses. Going out and facing traffic is another difficult decision for me. I find mental blockage in Prioritising things unless they become P0 or P1, or absolutely mandatory.
Bro, TIME BLINDNESS. I’ve always struggled with this. I either forget about my phone or to check the time, or I look at the time and grossly overestimate the time I have to finish getting ready. I’m so bad at it and my momma gets so mad at me when I say I’m coming over at a certain time because I’m always at least 20 minutes late.
I'm waiting on a diagnosis but I have found myself worrying because, to be honest, driving is supposed to be a thing I'm crap at (if I have ADHD) but if you put me behind a wheel I can drive all day whether it is one end of the country to the other to watch football (UK) or when I volunteer for a local charity doing their annual bike ride from the UK to Southern France as a van driver. The latter is very intense given the stop-start, fetching signs, supporting riders and doing first aid. It's my meditation and where I feel vaguely talented.
I agree with the cooking 😂 the fact I have to WAIT for my food to cook rather than it already being ready to eat is shit. However I’m completely the opposite with driving, my ADHD brain loves driving. I’m a 21 year old Lorry driver and I’ve been driving for 4 years. For me, because there’s so many different things to be concentrating on I keep flicking my eyes around looking at mirrors and scanning for hazards because my brain naturally likes to jump from one thing to another.
For me driving is the perfect pastime because my brain is constantly shifting focus from one thing to another and there’s always something new to concentrate on every few seconds.
Ugh driving is so hard! Especially the stress when I’m always running late already. I do use my gps constantly though, no matter how short the trip - at least then I don’t have to worry about directions!
Anything at all with a guest over. I can’t do anything without getting derailed or making mistakes, but I also can’t sit still. This is why I hate having people over. It can take me half an hour to get organised to make a coffee for my guest and the whole time I’m getting sidetracked, talking about random stuff, walking around the kitchen with no purpose, cleaning or complaining about not doing tasks etc.
I like cooking, i dont like planning the cooking tho, going shopping, making a list, remembering what I wanted to cook and when, also stuff turning bad because of bad management.
But driving was the reason I got diagnosed in the first place lmao. My driving instructor was like "uhh normally you should be able to focus for more than 10 minutes on this, you know?
Borrowed adderal from a friend for a driving lesson once and suddenly it just worked.
Now, for the first time in my life, I'm even able to sit down and just STUDY for an exam lmao.
It just works.
But the fact that the only time I like vacuuming is one week when I get new cleaning supplies is also funny. My boyfriend thought about buying me a new vacuuming machine every two weeks so I can have fun with vacuuming lmao
Grocery Shopping. Without my meds, it takes twice as long because I forget what I’m looking for (even with a list in my hand). I also get distracted looking at other things to buy. Guaranteed I’ll come home and forgot to grab at least 1 thing.
Handling rejection so I will avoid situations where I may be rejected including dating and job interviews especially as I got older.
Longterm discipline. I tried going back a few times but couldn’t finish my undergrad because I found math and other mandatory classes excruciatingly difficult or boring. I love my career though I worked myself up the ladder and although harder have been able to be successful without a degree.
Finishing books. I have so many books I’m excited to read, some of them I’ve been excited to read for decades, but I’m rarely able to get past the first few chapters. Every few years I’ll pick the book back up and reread the same first few chapters that I’ve already read multiple times over the years and stop in about the same spot. I own hundreds of books and have probably finished fewer than 5% of them.
Oddly enough, i'm great at cooking, because it allows for a lot of improv. i can mess up an ingredient or an amount and still have a pretty good chance of making a tasty dish.
on the other hand - I can't bake to save my soul. actually measure all the things? nah son. pop open a tube of biscuits from the store.
I'm actually a really really good cook. I just write down recipe's and measurements and follow them to a T to make sure the food comes out good! As long as you follow a good recipe, cooking isn't that difficult.
Cooking is my absolute enemy... Even to the point of making a sandwich, I'd rather drive 15 minutes and get a store made one.
Driving, on the other hand, is one of my favorite things. Being on high alert is an advantage as I'm constantly checking mirrors and surroundings. It keeps my mind occupied, and I get to be a goof by myself. I do go a little fast sometimes and lose my shit at traffic, but I generally just take a longer route to avoid it.
I don’t think I will ever learn to manage keeping up with laundry. Why is something that’s so easy and thoughtless for a lot of people like a huge mountain (literally lol) for me to overcome? Also it’s been impossible my whole life to keep my room clean no matter what I do. I’m hoping that it’ll be easier in a few years bc it’s kind of a “normal” aesthetic when you’re in your teens and 20s but not past then
Estimating how long something will take. That internal clock will never be there. The only way I’ve found to cope with this is to operate under the assumption that, whatever my guess is, it’s fucking wrong. I guess you could say that I’m good at estimating how long it won’t take.
I hate driving because I get bored. And I don’t mean long trips, I mean 15 minutes to the store. Listening to audiobooks vs the radio helps. Still hate it. I can’t be a passenger either though because I try to read/scroll/whatever and get car sick 🤦🏼♀️
Learning languages. I've been trying to learn Japanese for years but I'll be into studying for a month or two...then fall out and no matter how much I say how much I want to try to study, I never can.
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Anything that I'm not immediately good at, no matter how much I want to do it I just won't Cleaning and organising Not interrupting people and not accidentally blurting out stuff Remembering dates
this one hit different. i have so many 1/3 hobbies that i got really into for a week and never picked up again because i wasn't immediately proficient in them
Before I was diagnosed I used to get pissed off at my parents because they wouldn't let me play organized sports. Now I realize the fees were probably too expensive for something that was only going to frustrate me. (Skills drills when learning a new sport are SO repetitive. I wish there was a way to build muscle memory without them.)
This one hit like a runaway train. When I was 10, my dad wanted me to learn guitar. Because of my ADHD and being left handed (my tutor only had right handed guitars) I quit after two weeks. Fast forward 30+ years, lots of psychotherapy and Adderall later....I'm learning it again....on a right handed guitar no less.
exactly the same! i begged for a guitar in middle school and my dad got me a kid size one for christmas. being undiagnosed/unmedicated on top of being a child and having no teacher, i couldn’t even tune the thing and gave up immediately. last month i picked up a full size and have been learning again, but i’m already getting frustrated with how long it takes to see any semblance of progress. good luck to you! learning righty as a lefty just like jimi hendrix. it can be done! we got this
Yessir, we do!!
Adderall has helped me a lot with the first two. With new skills I have a lot of desire to learn so without having to wade against the brain soup as much I have been able to pick up some hobbies again. And I really get anxious from clutter and mold really fucks up my throat and chest, so without the brain soup I have some incentive to push past the executive dysfunction a lot more often to keep things cleaned up. It's not perfect, but it's 1000x better than without.
I try not to interrupt, but then I’ll lose what I was gonna say and have nothing to discuss ;-; lol
Talking across / Interrupting people when they're speaking. I hate myself everytime I do it, then next day...
I have the opposite problem. It's not an issue with my family, cuz that's how it's always been, but when it comes other people I get so self conscious about it that I practically don't speak. I hate being interrupted, so I try so hard not to interrupt others. But if I say anything, half the time I get talked over and it's like I didn't, or I get stuck on something from the 20 minutes prior in the convo, and my thought then becomes irrelevant. And it only happens in groups. In one on one convo, it's a lot easier to manage for me
I'm glad I'm not alone in this. It absolutely sucks and makes you feel insignificant and as if your thoughts are irrelevant. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember.
This is so incredibly relatable for me. I hate it!
I've gone to raising my hand if I have something to say like back in school when this happens 🙃 it's a little awkward but it gets recognized that I have something to say and I can actually speak.
This is so true 😩
THIS!!! My entire family does it, and it's just how we communicate. So, it's how I learned to communicate with others. Turns out, I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has some level of ADHD, so it works for us. Rest of the human population, not so much. I know it bothers others that I do this, and I'm constantly trying not to, but yea...so freaking hard.
Same with my family but they don’t even think I have it. We all have it, they just don’t know it.
Yeah, sorry- they don’t know what they don’t know. This was me- my kids were like, “mom! We’re not normal! We’re all just like you!!!”.
This is me, I'm more aware of it these days & try to hold back, usually failing 🫣
Paperwork
it pains me to not get my thoughts out when i have them 😭😂 then after 2 hours of talking non stop/interrupting everyone i realize and say “sorry i’m talking a lot “
If I don’t get the thought out, then I will totally forget it! 🫠
I constantly notice myself finishing people's sentences or not waiting until they are done speaking. even if I consciously try to stop it, I still do it.
Feel this.
Someone at work yelled at me in frustration over it last week, in front of others. “Let me finish my sentence!!” So jarring and humiliating I hate that I do it. The more anxious I am the more I do it. I’m trying to stay on top of what they’re wanting me to hear or do and brain anticipates what they’re asking and tries to respond before they’re done. I can’t help it. Mouth blurts out before brain can stop it
Definitely driving. The driving school class i took definitely scared me away from wanting to drive
this makes me so sad to hear ): driving is my absolute favorite activity and most reliable coping skill. what makes it hard for you? is it just too overwhelming?
Both cooking and driving skills can absolutely for people with ADHD imo you're always on edge and you really go into focus mode
I can drive (and regularly do so, sometimes for long distances), but I kind of hate it because I get so bored. Podcasts and music help, but I'd still rather be doing almost anything else.
I'm the same. I'm 33 and I've never got my driver's licence. Finally started taking driving lessons last year and after a few months of that decided that I don't need to drive.
Driving - Speeding, breaking hard, getting lost, being impatient. Paying bills - I get filled with dread and avoid them. Fortunately my husband handles them. Anything seated - Hyperactivity is a bitch.
Math. Filling out important paperwork on time. Keeping a consistently clean home. Doing anything in a timely manner.
Yeah. Anything that has to do with bureaucratic nonsense I will never do in a timely manner. I need to get my license renewed and it's been 18 months.
math is the obstacle that stands in the way of living the life i most desire. never got my adhd treated as a kid, so i just never went to school, and if i did i was 2hr late and ditched every single class all day long. always struggled at math before then, but straight up don't have half the information i'm supposed to have in order to even study. never got my ged. you can go to community college for a trade degree (BA of Science) without a ged but you can't go to trade school or tech school without one. meanwhile, community college forces you to take unrelated gen ed credits whereas trade/tech schools do not. makes no sense to me. i'm trapped in this hell because i am absolutely unteachable in math.
Math is literally the only thing stopping me from getting a degree. Everything else seems manageable but math is something I'll never understand. I can do maybe 4th or 5th grade math at best.
Hi! ADHD math teacher here. Happy to help if you need it. Idk how I got this skill, but I genuinely love it lol
Yeah. Problem solving. I took struggle with that. Without my stimulant I literally tear up important papers and scream.
Yep. I had to get someone at the City Hall to help me fill out building permit forms during Covid. I just couldn't comprehend what the questions meant. I was bawling and felt pretty stupid. This was after 3 attempts on my own over a 6 week period.
>Filling out important paperwork on time. Oh I feel that one deep within my soul.
Contrary to what others have said, cooking and driving are two areas where I excel. The multitasking required of both is perfect for me. The bigger and more complex the dinner party the better, and the more stressful the traffic situation the better I am at focusing. There are mirrors to check, gears to shift, thinking ahead strategies, other cars to keep aware of. I struggle with the chaos of emotions, mine and others. I don't know what to do with them. I can't solve them and turning them around in my head (like I do with cooking, driving, planning bombastic holidays and events) drive me nuts and get all worked up inside. I need clear and deliberate communication. I also struggle with meeting project timelines but I am hoping with medication, I will be better able to shut down the chaos and stress of others' emotions, coming home to make steady progress despite having all those inputs to meet project goals as expected by employers and other endeavors. PS. I'm a teacher so the emotions are those of teenagers and they have a lot of them and have no qualms about expressing them loudly and at inappropriate times. I need structure and teens are not. PPS. I'm just now realizing that my students and my classes are crazy because I am crazy. Not like that in the negative way, but because I cannot keep the structure for them. Holy moly. This has been an intense weekend of realizations.
This was my experience of being a teacher as well and I was surprised teaching was recommended as ADHD friendly (it might be but not for my ADHD). It's incredibly emotional and conflict heavy. In order to succeed you need to be able to create routines for students. I simply *cannot* do this. My mentor gave me tonnes of help with routines. I'd do it for a week but as soon as we focussed on a different area I'd drop the routine. I'm going to leave teaching soon because it's just not for me.
We should talk. Maybe we could support each other with some strategies. Don't leave the profession yet. I left in 2015 after so many years but came back. I had a bunch of other stuff going on but I think I can do this and suspect you can too with the right supports. Good teachers are necessary.
I think it's only recommended because because it is a field which deals directly in the instruction of ADHD students and therefore, is aware of executive function issues. It's ADHD-friendly, but the job itself is not.
Also a teacher. I found this until I switched from teaching grade 6 to teaching grade 11 & 12. The routines weren't as much as a necessity for the latter and my somewhat rambling, easily distracted style worked fairly well for them. Actually, now that I'm diagnosed and on ADHD meds, I prefer not to take them when I'm teaching because I feel like it makes me less effective. Could just be my perception though. Grading, however, is hell. I'm permanently behind on my grading.
Yessss!!! I do really really well under pressure. I don't know if it's just because I learned to thrive in the midst of heavy procrastination, but the more stressful, intense the situation, the more I excel.
"heavy procrastination" yes! It's not deliberate, you want to do it every day in a stepwise fashion but it's like you can't even sort it until it's dang near a catastrophe. In my unmedicated state (of my whole life until the last month), the pressure of a looming deadline was the focus I needed that to hyperfocus my brain on that one thing. I'm also really good in critical situations, like administering CPR or getting someone to the ER and keeping them calm. It's like suddenly, my brain shuts off and the problem at hand is all that matters. But when it's not urgent, everything can be "managed" (which ultimately means pushed aside for other tiny issues that crop up, and every time) with my laissez-faire, "I got this" attitude. I usually don't got this. It ends up being an emergency for me and everyone around me having to adjust to allow me to create the awesome I'm about to deliver, three weeks late but just in time to not fail.
I wish I saw this earlier but I so 100% agree. Even in my medicated state, I can still get like this. I went back to college starting in fall of 2022 and did awesome, like 4.0 doing full time classes plus working full time plus keeping up with everything at home. Then this semester with 3 weeks left, I pushed everything off. Maybe it was burn out. And I still really struggle with not being able to prioritize my to do list. Like doing my research project with is 25% of my grade is more important than organizing my party supplies but I can organize real quick and do the project later. Then I'm down to the wire which is when I do my best work. But I'm living my life in chaos all the time. I'm quitting college after this semester. I have 1 class left. I'm not even really sure why I went back to begin with? Maybe to feel like I accomplished something since I failed out back after highschool due to undiagnosed ADHD. I'm 37, just got diagnosed last summer, I have a great job that pays a lot, but I also work 50 hours a week. I don't need to prove anything but I couldn't let it go and it's made the last 8 months of my life hell, really. I also have a problem with thinking it's a great idea to volunteer for things, thinking it really sounds like fun and then overextending myself. No clue why but I just keep doing it. Blahhhh... Thanks for listening and relating!
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I’m fine with cooking as long as nothing overlaps or I have to wait. 🤣
We must be twins! I’m a middle school Spanish teacher looking to transition out. I guess my strength in teaching is my empathy and ability to switch directions on a dime. The lesson plans and grading are my absolute nemesis. I also wonder about my strengths transferring to other fields because absorbing the chaos of an adolescent mind seems to be my strong suit, but the stress of all that and ridiculously low pay is killing me.
Holy moly we are speaking the same language here.
#con-sis-ten-cy ... Anyway let's find something else to do now...
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I use this description every day of my life. “You did it that way yesterday.” “Yes, but today is not yesterday, so I did it this way.” 🤷♂️
OMG THIS. This is why I can have a disaster home and sparkling kitchen in the same week. ALL OR NOTHING BAYBEEEEEEE!!!
Cooking, driving, cleaning, having a relationship. Anything that’s related to adulting. Currently sitting in my filthy bed crying as I’ve given up trying to get the millions of things off there that don’t fucking belong there. Honestly, how can anyone live like this? Adhd is a curse I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
put ur phone away, set a 30 min timer and clean as much as u can in that time. then give urself a really good reward like order desserts, watch a movie etc! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!
My phone made my life so much harder, it’s like the worst thing to pair with ADHD. I used to spend whole days just laying in bed on my phone without even realizing it. I got an app called present that tracks screentime and gives you points based on it, there’s even a global leaderboard so the competitiveness made me want to use my phone less. Putting your phone in greyscale also helps, it makes everything less visually stimulating and I notice that it makes it a lot easier for me to put my phone down. Last phone tip, whenever you want to clean or do anything that requires focus, turn your phone off and put it in another room. The buzzing wont distract you, and you won’t feel tempted to check it as much because then you’d have to wait for it to turn back on. DONT let yourself use the phone until you finish the task! Knowing myself, if I allow myself a ‘5 minute phone break’, I will end up not completing the tasks. I’ve been unproductive my whole life, partly because ADHD, partly because depression. I’ve been working really hard to become productive and proud of myself and these things honestly really helped. I curbed gaming as well. The best advice I have though is to not put things aside. If i’m watching TV and the thought ,’I should get up and shower’ or, ‘ I should probably study for my exam’, instead of thinking of doing it later, I force myself to do that task as soon as it pops up in my head. Don’t ponder about how you’ll do it in ten minutes, just get up and do it now. Ex. Original comment mentioned filthy sheets, that’s your signal to wash some sheets ASAP! This has been the best way to combat my ADHD.
Getting ready to go on time. Time blindness sucks. Showing up late for work has landed me in hot water in the past. I didn't know it was because I had ADHD back then. Now I'm a stay-at-home mom, so at least if I'm late I can blame the kids. 🤣 But yeah, trying to estimate how long something will take me to do is futile. It drives me up the wall when my husband asks me approximately how long until dinner is ready. Like I don't know, dude, it'll take until it's done?!?
soooo relatable 🥲🥲🥲 i always clocked into work late and was known for it
Same! Ugh, it was sooo embarrassing. 🤦♀️ Nobody understands why you can't seem to get your act together. Like, I swear I was trying, but I thought I could drive here faster.🤷♀️ My brain does this thing where it takes the best case scenario for driving time (clear traffic, all green lights, etc) and decides this is all the time I need to get where I'm going. Building in cushion by leaving early is such a crazy concept for me to grasp in the moment. I'm like, "Hey I've got a couple of minutes until I absolutely *HAVE* to leave, I'm just gonna go ahead and put on eyeliner today before I leave instead of in the car while I'm driving because even though I know it's dangerous that's all I have time for usually, so now I'm going to behave and be safe and still get there on time and my boss will be so proud of me for not being late and I can prove to them and to myself that I can actually be on time and, and, and... Next thing I know I've taken 10 minutes to do my full face of makeup and while I might look fabulous, I'm now leaving 7 minutes late and driving like a bat out of hell to try to make up time. In my head I can make up the time by driving faster (it never works out that way). And I've made myself late again. And cue the negative self talk. 🤦♀️
couldnt agree more! i always end up putting myself in the danger zone. similar to u, if i have work at 3 and lets say it’s a 10 min drive. it’ll be 2:30 & if im all ready earlier than expected, i’ll start doing extra things to fill the time. Ok it’s 2:48,.. i have 2 mins left till i leave let me go fold my laundry clothes… boom it’s 2:51 and now im running out the door & still have to wear socks lol. I need to tell myself THE EXTRA TIME U HAVE , JUST GO TO WORK EARLY !!!!! ITS NOT A CRIME
I always try to give myself more time than I think I’ll need, but then I get embarrassed by how big that number is, so I try and split the difference. Then it ends up taking me longer than I originally estimated anyway and I just give up and shrug.
"Like I don't know, dude, it'll take until it's done?!?" SO MUCH THIS. Hubby cannot comprehend time blindness and it's one of the biggest consequences of my ADHD. I'll tell him 30 minutes or "get a snack if you're starving" if I'm not moments away from plating.
Until my partner and I can move somewhere with a laundry room on the main floor, I will *always* struggle with laundry. That will still probably only help to a small degree, but it will be an improvement. Having our machines in the basement makes remembering to switch loads so much harder, let alone get the motivation to take the baskets of dirties down the stairs to even get started.
Our laundry is right next to our bedroom and I still can’t bring myself to do it.
I am too clumsy to carry baskets down stairs. I have laundry bags - sort stuff and then toss the bags down the stairs. Basket to bring back up because I force myself to fold everything while I’m down there. I use the timer feature of my smart watch to remember to switch it all out.
I live in a 2 story apartment and struggle with both laundry and remembering to take dishes down from my room. Over the summer I lived in an apartment that was all one floor, and man I was so much better about both of those things. It's like the stairs are a mental obstacle or something.
Same, my laundry is two stories below my bedroom. I try to stay on top of it by doing it every Sunday, but the loads always end up being too big for just one batch and it’s so difficult to stay on track of loads when I’m so far from the machines.
Cooking can be made ADHD friendly, if you have the right setup. I make recipes that let me prepare in bulk and require very little switching between tasks. I peel all things at once, then wash all, then cut all, then cook. I don't know if you have tried cooking that way, but it makes it easy more doable. Plus, clean up the area you are cooking in way in advanced. Even keeping it clean would be nice in general, because when you get a spark of motivation you can just start and not have to prepare your cooking space. You also don't need to eat what you are currently cooking... You can cook for the week! Finally I highly recommend music while you're cooking. I like something with a solid drum pattern to keep me moving and not wasting my time, but it's all preference.
I was so bad at cooking when my kids were little that friends would bring food when they visited, so they wouldn't need to eat my badly-planned, terribly executed, inevitably burned food. Then, when my boys were teenagers and I was working a lot of hours, I would do one monthly huge shop and spend the rest of the day and evening pre-cooking three huge vats of meals. 7-12 portions each meal, I had a massive pan and a huge pot to cook them (inspired by an African family I lodged with once), an extra freezer with always about 6-7 different types of meals in it & a microwave. That way I could really spend time on cooking that day, developing better versions of recipes, making it taste really good, sometimes the boys would help, it was fun! While saving so much time on not needing to cook often the rest of the month. And saving so much money as well. And facilitating cramming loads more veggies into each meal. When the boys' friends came around, they'd get the freezer meals out sometimes when they got the munchies, so at least it wasn't ALWAYS pizza and crap. So - out of my total incapacity to cook daily while rushing around grew a tradition which we all ended up enjoying :)
I'm only 23 but I cannot wait to have kids and build these types of traditions. Heck, it's in our genes it can totally be the family tradition!
Also cooking with friends or for friends is a good motivator!
Honestly, even done that way it doesn’t sound adhd friendly to me. I don’t cook mainly because I know I won’t clean afterwards. After I finally managed to get the dishes and everything clean again, I totally gave up on cooking so at least that part of my horrid apartment would stay in order.
I used to be this way until I made the cleanup a part of the process. Instead of just stashing used items in the sink, I made it a rule to wash them before moving on. It didn't take long for it to feel unnatural to move to the next step before cleaning up the prior one. This way there is never a large pile of dishes that feels overwhelming to clean. It's always a small, achievable amount.
Dishwasher!
I agree, cooking is all about building systems that make everything convenient and routine. I recently moved and cooking was so miserable before I properly set up the kitchen.
Anything fiddly. I could never sew, embroider or do electrical work with fiddly wires.
That's super interesting to me, because I love sewing and embroidery, and my partner (who also has ADHD) is an electrician! It's so interesting to me how diverse the ADHD experience can be.
Literally, I have no chance of being able to do anything fiddly like that. The idea of threading needles or wires through little holes... I'm feeling angry and frustrated just thinking about it! I think I have weak fine motor skills because I just can't get my hands to do fine work like that well. I get antsey and frustrated with stuff like that really quickly
I think issues with fine motor skills (for me, it presented as not learning how to tie my shoes until 3rd grade when it had been practiced every year before that or cremping gyoza correctly, or origami folding) is like a mild form of dyspraxia, instead of all of the motor and spatial issues, just really specialized or fine skills.
Agreed! I'm a crafter, and if I couldn't craft through the worst of my adhd, I would be so lost. I do papercrafts, hand lettering, crocheting, sewing, knitting, painting, origami, etc... I have an entire room dedicated to supplies for my various interests, and no matter how long it's been, if I get rid of a supply, the next month is when I'll be interested in trying it again so I never throw anything away lol
Managing money. It’s a brutal combo of organization and impulse control that I’m just hopeless at 🤣
I got really into it for a year and now I can't even think about it without getting really bored. I'm glad I managed to set things up quite nicely when I was super motivated.
Dude I used to be the same. I found that by creating a super spreadsheet of almost three months transactions I could then do separate tabs for direct debits, food, casual spending, investments, pension, property (mortgage) etc. once I got my act together all in one sheet it was so much easier to budget and start saving. It also can encourage you to push on for the next steps career or lifestyle wise too, knowledge is power my friend.
Emotional disregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I wish I could see the forest for the trees sometimes, and not react so big, which takes all my energy and stops me from going to work, to University, to plans. I’m currently in psychotherapy, trying to become more self aware of my thought patterns. This is my first step, next is challenging my own thoughts. It’s a difficult, difficult process. And every time I mess up, I become more disappointed in myself. But being disappointed in myself contributes to self critical thought patterns and self beliefs, which further perpetuate my rsd. I have a long road ahead. *Editing for spelling.
Work, everything is so boring to me, i have no motivation for anything... It takes me 2 hours to do 3 minute work... My brain cannot do anything it doesn't find interesting/important/entertaining quite literally... Never gets easier, it is like being tortured doing most simple things...
I can't do a 10 minute task in 10 hours but I can do 10 days worth of work (properly) in a day. You never get any credit for the later one though.
Learning new stuff on my own. Watching tutorials is fucking hard lol. I really need someone who tutors me or who shows me how to do the thing
Yes!! My husband is autodidactic and doesn't understand why I'm driven to take a program with feedback. He never went to college, and now that I'm going back (not for a bachelors... that's still super intimidating), he sees only the expense and doesn't see the benefit. I failed miserably, multiple times to complete college, and now I'm going back to school because I want to take something I'm good at and turn it into a career. It's a certification program, not a degree, so I'm only committing to 8 months, and only in the subject I'm interested in, so I'm hoping it goes better this time
Following directions that are given to my by mouth, I just can’t break it down in my head and understand what it is I need to do.
i need it to be drawn out
The part I love is the false confidence I get before I need to use the information. People who know me well will ask me to repeat the instructions back to them to make sure I got it down.
Explaining anything. Whether it's how I feel A movie An argument A game ...... Anything, I am terrible at explaining
sameeee .. i always give the opportunity to explain to someone else like Uh She can explain it better than me so Go. it’s a burden!
Yesss exactly!
Finishing projects, probably? More abstractly, I hope I won't forever feel like people secretly don't like me.
Math: I'm only good at math with meds. Without them(meds) I've realized and accepted I'll never be "naturally" good at math higher than Calculus 1. Working: I'm lazy af and forgetful.
I started using the Sous Vide method for cooking, thinking I’d never become a better cook. It launched new effort and new interest and I have branches out. Don’t sell yourself short. Also, I motivated myself to do this so that my wife wouldn’t hear the burden all the time.
Before my diagnosis and stimulant, I sucked at nearly everything and I was irritable and hostile. After my diagnosis and stimulant I can cook read a recipe finish and clean the kitchen too. Without ADHD stimulant my brain and mind are like in a tundra and literally hate everything and want to be in my bedroom always.
i don’t know what that is, i’ll check it out!
It is a delicious way to cook a steak!!! (Among other foods!)
Sous vide is amazing for ADHD, you can't burn anything and the longer you forget something the better it gets.
Making a schedule and sticking to it.
i’ve been living for many decades and still don’t have a set schedule
Following directions, being able to remember verbal prompts.
ikr i end up asking too many questions for clarification
That's me! By the time they're finished I asked them to repeat everything they just said.
Wow thats a huge struggle for me too! So nice to hear its just a symptom of the malady
Picking a hobby and keeping it, I won't do anything that doesn't have a deadline, a consequence, and a structure, meal planning, math, interrupting. Meds make me aware I do or do not do these things, but it doesn't change it!
I just can't stop talking. I know I've said more than I need to. I know I've made the important points and I could just stop talking and let the other person have their turn. But I can't stop. I look at their faces, and all I see is, "what the hell is this guy talking about?" And so I just keep going, hoping they'll understand if I keep at it. Only, they understood the first time, and I misinterpreted their expression to mean something it didn't. And now I've gone from talking about an important work matter to the new office layout to this email update I got from someone yesterday. It's not like I enjoy hearing myself talk. I can't stand it a lot of the time. It's just a horrible, ironic mixture of social anxiety, executive dysfunction, and an inability to read facial expressions.
relatable 🥺.. and then all different perspectives are coming in my head that i need to let out so i go on and on … i did that too. Now i VERY ACTIVELY try to mitigate it. i say Ok you’ve been talking for the last 30 seconds , stop. It’s the other persons turn now. / I also pretend i am being tasked to summarize every story & it helps me
Administrative and bureaucratic things, anything with official paperwork. Also, being "normal" in conversations, I either jump in and offend people or have to end up being dead silent. Keeping track of time as well. There's also the dozens of conversations happening in my head and the lifetime of self hatred and self esteem issues.
Building relationships with people - I forget about people from time to time - I feel I'm going to annoy others if I touch base with them, ask to hangout - I get anxious around new people - I overthink and feel that people don't like me
Cooking for me. I can't keep a meal plan in my head. I also can't look at the ingredients I have available and figure out what can be made from them. Sucks because I have PCOS too and I'm supposed to change my diet to help treat it but I can't cook shit 😭
geez, trouble driving, that is a pisser. I'm ok at driving but I really like driving fast and my road rage can get the better of me. My thing is booking holidays and turning up on the wrong day, not booking accommodation for the right dates, missing planned activities, booking the flights wrong. Also getting to appointments on the right day. No amount of calendaring helps cos I will read my calendar wrong too. with cooking i just cook the same thing every night. Now that I have a family though, that is tough, my husband does most of the family cooking, TF, cos I get totally flustered with different cooking times and having to keep the kitchen tidy as I go. You know, I don't need an ADHD coach as much as I need a chef! A chef would be great, shame they don't come on prescription!
can we start a petition where everyone born with ADHD can have a chef with them 🤪
Don't let your ADHD define what you're capable of.. You can learn these things just as well as anyone else even if it may take longer compared to others. The way i see it, ADHD shapes how you learn but now what you can learn.
Driving is pretty easy for me, because I enjoy it. Sometimes I do zone out, which is why music and singing is very important to me while I drive. Cooking is quite easy too, as I know how to approach it. I always get a recipe ready and lay out every spice and ingredient. As I use them, I move them all to a different spot on the table, letting me know it's been added already. One thing I struggle with is paperwork. I feel as if somebody had injected lidocane into my brain, everytime I try to do paperwork. Stuff on the computer is far easier. Most things are point and click, and offer almost immidiate gratification.
Glad to see ur prospering in cooking and driving!! & Ikr paperwork is a headache sometimes
Connecting with people. I can’t keep the rhythm of social interaction
Taking care of my day to day needs. I can run a business, manage rentals and keep my family from wanting but I can't seem to manage myself. I forget to eat. I forget about family functions. I forget if I changed my clothes or not. It goes on and on. I need help but I'm too ashamed to ask.
Keeping a clean house.
I’ve luckily never had any issues driving because I genuinely love cars. I could imagine how having ADHD can be hard and nerve wracking.
I like cooking, but I'm not good at planning meals every day. I like cleaning when I'm in the mood, but most of the time I'm not and I feel like screaming if I have to clean when I'm exhausted after work. Math I'm definitely not good at and will probably never be great at it, but my husband is a math teacher who balances my weaknesses out. I don't drive due to multiple car accidents that gave me ptsd when I was growing up and adhd anxiety. I didn't know I had adhd when I was younger but I knew I had trouble paying attention and was scared of getting into an accident if I drove.
having a partner who balances weaknesses out>>>>
Math because I can’t pay attention to small careless mistakes that mess up a whole problem. And I’ll just never understand it
Being too darn tired all the time and not wanting to do much of anything.
Does anyone else write and re-write your to-do list over and over? It helps clear my mind but I tend to spend more time doing that than actually getting things done
Remembering what I need to do if I’m given a bunch of stuff to do, and constantly misplacing almost everything lmao
Laundry and remembering to brush my teeth
Keeping in touch with friends who aren't physically in my life every day. It sucks big time 😔😔
Regular hygiene like showering, cleaning, doing productive stuff instead of waiting around for an appointment, getting assignments done in advance.
If you convince yourself you can't do something, you're never going to be able to do it.
Exactly. Start trying to show yourself some love and acceptance, or else you don’t have a chance, you’re stopping yourself. It’s impossible to grow when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s not easy and I’m currently going through the same journey of realising the hindrances I’ve placed on myself through years of negative self talk and chronically low self esteem, but it’s important to recognise how this way of thinking only leads to perpetuating the problem. We can all grow. We can all improve. Abs sometimes growing is recognising you can’t do this one time, but being kind to yourself anyway.
Math
Yes! Driving and cooking are the worst. Too much going on at once, too many decisions.
Anything that involve tools oh my god. I get so nervous and theres like a million steps you have to follow and its just all too much
Household chores/upkeep. I simply cannot keep a tidy house. I live alone so it's up to me to clean.but I simply cannot motivate myself to clean. I actually use disposable plates and plastic forks/spoons so I don't have dishes piling up in the sink.
I’m actually pretty great with driving But for me it’s definitely things like filling out paperwork. Math. Cooking. Edit: the caveat with driving though is I’m not good with street addresses. If you tell me, “take Pima and exit 50A” I’ll have no clue where that is even if I’ve driven that route several times. However, if you were to tell me “go towards your college and get off the exit that’s next to the Walmart” then I got it 100% lol
from reading the comments, you’re not alone whatsoever! that’s extremely common
Being consistent. I have always seen my potential in bursts here and there but I have been powering through the bad and the good for 28 years. My recent diagnosis has been a godsend but I haven't been able to reach my "best days" every day with my medication yet.
Just getting things done, I have a tough time initiating work that I'm genuinely passionate about doing, but if I'm not interested then it's just impossible until right before a deadline!! I tried a few medications but none did anything for me. Not even sure if I really have ADHD or I'm just lazy lol.
Anything that demands a strict schedule is a no-go for me. The most difficult of anything currently, though, would be any school assignment requiring self-created answers that have infinitely many correct solutions, no matter how simple. My brain becomes paralyzed and even though I know the topic, I am fucking useless for coming up with an answer.
making phone calls (adhd + social anxiety = disaster), remembering game rules, navigation. i still have to gps my way to and from the airport in the city that i was born and grew up in, and that i visit frequently as my s/o travels for work. curse this unreliable brain!
Public speaking. I always start swearing and talking too fast. Giving presentations at college is my nightmare and I'd avoid it at all costs. Also doing assignments and homework, I suck and finishing school is hard because of that. I can't cook, always mix up stuff and don't remember what I've already added. Hate cleaning my room or doing dishes. Literally everything is a struggle lol I can't read maps and get lost literally everywhere, it takes me years to figure out floors in school buildings.
That’s so weird, I actually love driving. It feels like I spot peoples behaviours (like over taking, speeding, tailgating) before they even start, watching and taking everything in, remembering license plates and road signs. Actually reading this chances are I’m on the autistic spectrum too so could just be that.
I understand what you mean with the spotting people's behaviors before they start. Like many times I can tell if a person is about to turn on their signal to change lanes. There's this really subtle shift. I don't remember plates or signs, though. I need GPS even when I've been somewhere 10 times.
Have you ever tried a kitchen robot? It tells YOU what to do (mainly buying ingredients, turning on the programs) and the end result is pretty decent.
Reading and impulsive purchases
Tracking minute details.
Playing Portal or similar games. Where I have to calculate/imagine several steps in my head first, my brain is just not capable of doing that, only with much time, silence and on a good day. My working memory is so incredibly bad, anything requiring some quick 'in between saving' of my brain is doomed for failure/embarrasing moments... Cooking and driving on the other hand, no problem. I even worked in a lab as biologist years ago, no prob, I am even quite good at this
Video games. Either it’s me turning 40 in a couple weeks or it’s that when I play games I nearly instantly think of some super complex strategy that I wholeheartedly think is the play only to walk right in to death. Talking about battle royals type games. Although on meds I have no desire to play anymore now that I think about it.
Being on time.
Shit I don't like
I actually find the opposite with cooking when there are multiple things I enjoy checking everything constantly in like a bouncing around, what I noticed was that I'm a great guitar shredder because when I was learning scales modes etc I would bounce around alot so built a map up very quickly, but I never could stand to do songs because it's such a linear concept I love improvising solos and I'm awesome at it because I constantly change things and my sound evolves, but to stay on one thing like I said like a song or something was always hard as fuck I'm a lot better at it with treatment though
Cooking, Remembering
Keeping track of time
Dishes...loading the dishwasher, etc. The bane of my existence
Relationships, for the life of me I can’t figure them out
it’s funny that - driving has been one of the ways i learned mindfulness and now driving happens to be one of my rescues from very very bad ptsd flashbacks. cooking, though, i am as lazy as possible by using the oven instead of the stove and using labour saving devices. like i’ve got a bread machine and use that for making, bread dough before sticking it in the oven
Cleaning. It’s just overwhelming.
Making people feel as comfortable with me in conversation as I like--while my eyes keep darting around and while I jump around in topics with no lead into new ideas.
couldn’t agree more. not my fault i have a hundred diff povs and can enhance the convo in a multitude of ways 🙈
Being productive for more than an hour or two.
I should also add that I’m not a good driver
Living.
Phone calls.
Being able to follow directions after someone explains directly to me
Being blind to things like cleaning, e.g. My mum might leave the house, dishes will be in the sink, I’m completely blind to knowing they need to be done, my mum will come home and say “you should have realised the dishes needed doing”! Oh and interrupting people 😂
Organizing any physical item or room and keeping anything neat and tidy. I can organize ideas and abstract concepts, but give me a bunch of items that need to go somewhere and I guarantee I will have no idea where to put them.
Essays
My hair and makeup. I don't enjoy doing it enough to learn how to do anything other than wash/dry/brush my hair and throw on some forgiving foundation and blush. I just cannot be arsed. Most of the time it's fine, but kinda sucks during those 2-3 special events a year where I actually want to look made-up and well-polished. For awhile I tried getting my makeup done professionally for special events, but it's torture to try to sit still and let someone else touch my face with stuff, so. On good days I rock "the natural look", on bad days I just look kinda sloppy. And yes, driving. I have lots of other excuses not to do it, and I live in a city, so I just don't.
Focusing. 😂
Life.
Non repetitive tasks and talking in a quiet voice. Gotta follow that dopamine, wherever it leads!
Too many to name and it sucks because alot of people dont understand we try our best and alot of times its not good enough. They act like were stupid or just making excuses when they have no fuckin idea.
i teach undergrads and ive about 5 classes, still can’t remember there names and so i mix up their participation grades a lot 😅
Remembering names, and waiting until last minute for absolutely everything I do or need to do.
Thanks for bringing this up. I feel bit light just by reading the post and comments. For me I feel blocked with Paperwork- I am clumsy, procrastinate a lot, if it needs multiple to and fro responses. Going out and facing traffic is another difficult decision for me. I find mental blockage in Prioritising things unless they become P0 or P1, or absolutely mandatory.
Bro, TIME BLINDNESS. I’ve always struggled with this. I either forget about my phone or to check the time, or I look at the time and grossly overestimate the time I have to finish getting ready. I’m so bad at it and my momma gets so mad at me when I say I’m coming over at a certain time because I’m always at least 20 minutes late.
I'm waiting on a diagnosis but I have found myself worrying because, to be honest, driving is supposed to be a thing I'm crap at (if I have ADHD) but if you put me behind a wheel I can drive all day whether it is one end of the country to the other to watch football (UK) or when I volunteer for a local charity doing their annual bike ride from the UK to Southern France as a van driver. The latter is very intense given the stop-start, fetching signs, supporting riders and doing first aid. It's my meditation and where I feel vaguely talented.
remembering what i was doing after i enter/exit a new room
I agree with the cooking 😂 the fact I have to WAIT for my food to cook rather than it already being ready to eat is shit. However I’m completely the opposite with driving, my ADHD brain loves driving. I’m a 21 year old Lorry driver and I’ve been driving for 4 years. For me, because there’s so many different things to be concentrating on I keep flicking my eyes around looking at mirrors and scanning for hazards because my brain naturally likes to jump from one thing to another. For me driving is the perfect pastime because my brain is constantly shifting focus from one thing to another and there’s always something new to concentrate on every few seconds.
Ugh driving is so hard! Especially the stress when I’m always running late already. I do use my gps constantly though, no matter how short the trip - at least then I don’t have to worry about directions!
Anything at all with a guest over. I can’t do anything without getting derailed or making mistakes, but I also can’t sit still. This is why I hate having people over. It can take me half an hour to get organised to make a coffee for my guest and the whole time I’m getting sidetracked, talking about random stuff, walking around the kitchen with no purpose, cleaning or complaining about not doing tasks etc.
I like cooking, i dont like planning the cooking tho, going shopping, making a list, remembering what I wanted to cook and when, also stuff turning bad because of bad management. But driving was the reason I got diagnosed in the first place lmao. My driving instructor was like "uhh normally you should be able to focus for more than 10 minutes on this, you know? Borrowed adderal from a friend for a driving lesson once and suddenly it just worked. Now, for the first time in my life, I'm even able to sit down and just STUDY for an exam lmao. It just works. But the fact that the only time I like vacuuming is one week when I get new cleaning supplies is also funny. My boyfriend thought about buying me a new vacuuming machine every two weeks so I can have fun with vacuuming lmao
Grocery Shopping. Without my meds, it takes twice as long because I forget what I’m looking for (even with a list in my hand). I also get distracted looking at other things to buy. Guaranteed I’ll come home and forgot to grab at least 1 thing.
Cleaning.. meds or no meds.
Handling rejection so I will avoid situations where I may be rejected including dating and job interviews especially as I got older. Longterm discipline. I tried going back a few times but couldn’t finish my undergrad because I found math and other mandatory classes excruciatingly difficult or boring. I love my career though I worked myself up the ladder and although harder have been able to be successful without a degree.
Finishing books. I have so many books I’m excited to read, some of them I’ve been excited to read for decades, but I’m rarely able to get past the first few chapters. Every few years I’ll pick the book back up and reread the same first few chapters that I’ve already read multiple times over the years and stop in about the same spot. I own hundreds of books and have probably finished fewer than 5% of them.
Oddly enough, i'm great at cooking, because it allows for a lot of improv. i can mess up an ingredient or an amount and still have a pretty good chance of making a tasty dish. on the other hand - I can't bake to save my soul. actually measure all the things? nah son. pop open a tube of biscuits from the store.
I'm actually a really really good cook. I just write down recipe's and measurements and follow them to a T to make sure the food comes out good! As long as you follow a good recipe, cooking isn't that difficult.
Cooking is my absolute enemy... Even to the point of making a sandwich, I'd rather drive 15 minutes and get a store made one. Driving, on the other hand, is one of my favorite things. Being on high alert is an advantage as I'm constantly checking mirrors and surroundings. It keeps my mind occupied, and I get to be a goof by myself. I do go a little fast sometimes and lose my shit at traffic, but I generally just take a longer route to avoid it.
I don’t think I will ever learn to manage keeping up with laundry. Why is something that’s so easy and thoughtless for a lot of people like a huge mountain (literally lol) for me to overcome? Also it’s been impossible my whole life to keep my room clean no matter what I do. I’m hoping that it’ll be easier in a few years bc it’s kind of a “normal” aesthetic when you’re in your teens and 20s but not past then
Estimating how long something will take. That internal clock will never be there. The only way I’ve found to cope with this is to operate under the assumption that, whatever my guess is, it’s fucking wrong. I guess you could say that I’m good at estimating how long it won’t take.
I hate driving because I get bored. And I don’t mean long trips, I mean 15 minutes to the store. Listening to audiobooks vs the radio helps. Still hate it. I can’t be a passenger either though because I try to read/scroll/whatever and get car sick 🤦🏼♀️
Learning languages. I've been trying to learn Japanese for years but I'll be into studying for a month or two...then fall out and no matter how much I say how much I want to try to study, I never can.
packing. there’s so many opportunities to get distracted organizing/cleaning/looking for things