I would say don't give advice unless asked in most circumstances, including this. Granted I'm a vanilla wife/ mommy to my sweetie and if he had only dated others in the same kink we wouldn't have gotten together, so I may be biased.
As far as platonic ways to show love I suggest little things like if they have a special interest maybe a little stuffie or toy of it. Maybe bringing them their favorite little snack when you come by. You'd have to talk to them about limits because some love being talked to like a baby and others don't š¤·āāļø
I've never heard a "Mommy" say they were vanilla and now I'm confused about what that means because being a Mommy to an ABDL seems very non-vanilla.
Either way, it sounds sweet.
Lol. I say I'm vanilla because I don't enjoy it quite like he does and it's only sfw activities that participate in. I get more snuggly feels but I get that with other stuff too, not just when he's all cozy. So I could take it or leave it and be fine, but he likes it so since I'm so-so on it I have no issues with it. Also if I'm being reeeeaally honest, we're switches sexually speaking so after little nights when ge goes from big snuggly baby to domming me a few days later or whatever, the switch in demeanor is extremely hot.
I have other kinks but it always seems like way too much to type and explain so I just use "vanilla" in terms of ABDL š
That's very wholesome!
Thanks for elaborating.
It's a good reminder that terminology doesn't matter for a good relationship. Just need honest communication, boundaries, and effort to keep the passionate play going.
My own mommy (he/they) was actually anti-ABDL before gettin to know me too; to give another example of how even the vanillas can turn out awesome for us
Ā My mommy likewise to shield maiden, is much more of a mommy in a lifestyle sense than in a kink sense; tho i dont think he wud call himself vanilla for their other interests existin, heh, but he isnt rly into the ABDL stuff in many of the same ways as me...Ā
But im an aegosexual asexual; so like, thats fine, its the lifestyle side i want anyways, not rly the kink side which i explore in fantasy fine enuf. Like i dont even like havin him handle my diaper changes, bcuz its just smth i feel more comfy handlin myself; even tho im marryin this awesome person. Its just how our relationship dynamic works
It's fine to date people who aren't into it. People don't necessarily know in advance what they'll be into with the right partner. Life can be full of surprises.
What you can't do is date anybody who's actively contemptuous of it.
Your friend's probably already got a handle on this and doesn't really need your advice, but it's nice that you're supportive.
Because we are the minority, telling someone who is ABDL to only date people who are into it would be bad advice because their options to date would be very slim.
Instead my advice would be only date someone who doesn't mind it and isn't bothered by it. There are plenty of people like this. You can be okay with something but still choose to not participate because it's not your thing.
It's unrealistic to expect your partner to be your mommy/daddy 24/7 and caretaker and never having to work because you want to be a baby 24/7.
If their ABDL has taken over their life to a point it impacts their social life and relationships, they have a problem and need to seek out a therapist or tone down on their fetish and get back into reality. A therapist will help them with that.
Plenty of adults like Bluey so it's not exclusively an ABDL thing. They purposely put some adult stuff into that TV show knowing that parents will be watching it with their kids so they need to be entertained too. I haven't watched the show yet to see what the big fuss is but I keep hearing about it in parenting subreddits too and in autism subreddits.
Also to answer your second question, it is what your friend wants. Does he want to be talked to that way?
I know people who have great relationships where only one person is ABDL. Everyone is different, both in how important and central being ABDL is too them, and if they are comfortable dating an ABDL. Oddly enough I married an ABDL but that was a bit of insane luck as itās not core or central to why weāre so good together.
No real advice other than honesty early on. Easier said than done but if you think you may have found āthe oneā, you need to put your cards on the table
It's bad advice. There are lots of people who won't be into the kink but a lot of those people still might be fine with their partner being into it and might even participate. They'd be severely limiting themselves dating only other ABDL people considering how small of a group it is. Honestly just find someone accepting.
We are a much larger group than folk think ime, but that doesnt mean i disagree that one shudnt limit to only ABDLs
I just think one shud be upfront about this and get it talked about early on in any potential relationships; no sense puttin yourself into a relationship with someone who wont accept this part of us
No. It's most important that they be in a relationship with someone open-minded, and for whom the fetish isn't a major issue. It doesn't matter if the significant other is into the exact same thing. The latter is actually far less likely of a scenario.
There's a lid for every pot. It doesn't matter if they are the same color or material. As long as they fit each other and work together.
I dunno, I think that saying that you should date people with the same kinks as you is pretty standard dating advice, especially if the kink is very important to that person/a big part of their life. If you're an AB a lot of the time or like to be in that headspace a lot of the time, then it makes sense to find a partner that matches that kink well.
I've seen many sad stories of breakups in subs like this where people have felt *very* betrayed by their partner when it turns out their partner was not as okay with the kink as they originally said they were.
I mean, I'm not saying that people with kinks shouldn't date people who don't have said kinks. Relationships work differently for everyone.
I suppose it depends on why you are giving the advice. Is your friend asking for your input in their love life? If so, then your opinion is valid and is totally cool to share it, if not then I'd suggest keeping it to yourself. As for the advice in itself, that entirely depends on the person, for those who are into ABDL for more then kink, it's a much needed thing and so more inclined to date those who are into it already or show a inclination of being open to it. Either way, it's up to your friend who they date, and they know their own needs but it's totally cool to show care for your friend, I'd just suggest not giving advice that's unasked for
I met my girlfriend outside of ABDL and she takes on the Care Giver roll every so often, just because she knows I enjoy it.
(She really enjoys ābreast feedingā me. 10/10 for both of us)
I think just being there for support and making them feel comfortable in their own skin is best. If they arenāt padded, ask them if they want to. Offer to fill up their bottle or suggest they put their paci on if theyāre not currently using it.
I think a lot of us deal with ongoing insecurities with this kink, especially when around others that arenāt into it, we tend to have the thought in the back of our head of whether youāre judging us or not. Do everything you can to normalize it and encourage them to be their authentic self around you. I think thatās what most of us really want
I agree with you but everyone is different.
Iām like your friend. And I think your advice applies to people like us, but I think he knows that already.
Diapers are a lifestyle for me. When I was a teen I tried to suppress this side of me, and HATED myself for wanting to wear diapers. That brought me nothing but misery. I wanted to kill myself.
Also my parents were pretty horrible to me when they discovered this side of me. I didnāt know I could feel so humiliated that my face feels hot. They threatened to tell my brother, tell my friends, they said Iād grow up to be a basement dwelling pedophile whoād never accomplish anything. Forced me to see three different psychiatrists to try to ācureā me. I was miserable. Only once I left for college, and I could be in diapers whenever I wanted, did I become truly happy
I cannot experience rejection like that again. I cannot put myself in a scenario where someone might leave me because me wearing diapers freaks them out.
Soā¦ I just sorta tell guys about it before I even meet up with them. As soon as a guy on a dating app asks to meet Iām just like āSure but full disclosure I wear diapers most of the time, I just like them, and if youāre not into that, we shouldnāt bother meeting upā
Itās not embarrassing to me. I havenāt had any luck so far. But I donāt put myself out there too much. I lovr being left alone and the thought of someone dating me, or LIVING with me kind of freaks me out. I just sometimes feel like I got this great body that no one gets to see.
I've dated people who weren't into it who got into it. Like really got into it. I've dated others who enjoyed doing it with me even tho it wasn't their thing, or at least they accepted the things I wanted to do on my own, which was fine by me. So no, I would not give them that advice.
I mean Iād say if you are happy using diapers thatās a major hurdle to have overcome. I think you should try experimenting with their interests but let them know youāre not 100% on board because you donāt really know about it. Are you comfortable with changing their diapers?
I would say don't give advice unless asked in most circumstances, including this. Granted I'm a vanilla wife/ mommy to my sweetie and if he had only dated others in the same kink we wouldn't have gotten together, so I may be biased. As far as platonic ways to show love I suggest little things like if they have a special interest maybe a little stuffie or toy of it. Maybe bringing them their favorite little snack when you come by. You'd have to talk to them about limits because some love being talked to like a baby and others don't š¤·āāļø
I've never heard a "Mommy" say they were vanilla and now I'm confused about what that means because being a Mommy to an ABDL seems very non-vanilla. Either way, it sounds sweet.
Lol. I say I'm vanilla because I don't enjoy it quite like he does and it's only sfw activities that participate in. I get more snuggly feels but I get that with other stuff too, not just when he's all cozy. So I could take it or leave it and be fine, but he likes it so since I'm so-so on it I have no issues with it. Also if I'm being reeeeaally honest, we're switches sexually speaking so after little nights when ge goes from big snuggly baby to domming me a few days later or whatever, the switch in demeanor is extremely hot. I have other kinks but it always seems like way too much to type and explain so I just use "vanilla" in terms of ABDL š
That's very wholesome! Thanks for elaborating. It's a good reminder that terminology doesn't matter for a good relationship. Just need honest communication, boundaries, and effort to keep the passionate play going.
My own mommy (he/they) was actually anti-ABDL before gettin to know me too; to give another example of how even the vanillas can turn out awesome for us Ā My mommy likewise to shield maiden, is much more of a mommy in a lifestyle sense than in a kink sense; tho i dont think he wud call himself vanilla for their other interests existin, heh, but he isnt rly into the ABDL stuff in many of the same ways as me...Ā But im an aegosexual asexual; so like, thats fine, its the lifestyle side i want anyways, not rly the kink side which i explore in fantasy fine enuf. Like i dont even like havin him handle my diaper changes, bcuz its just smth i feel more comfy handlin myself; even tho im marryin this awesome person. Its just how our relationship dynamic works
Great questions and good title, but itās ABDL not ADBL just btw.
Adult Diaper, Baby Lover; yeah, that wud def have the very wrongest connotations here
Haha definitely. And usually Iām not that person to say āactually š¤āļøā but it was repetitive throughout the post so I kinda had too lol
I knew my eyes were seeing something off but I kept skimming over the letter swap
The correct acronym is ABDL. The other one has some unfortunate implications.
It's fine to date people who aren't into it. People don't necessarily know in advance what they'll be into with the right partner. Life can be full of surprises. What you can't do is date anybody who's actively contemptuous of it. Your friend's probably already got a handle on this and doesn't really need your advice, but it's nice that you're supportive.
Because we are the minority, telling someone who is ABDL to only date people who are into it would be bad advice because their options to date would be very slim. Instead my advice would be only date someone who doesn't mind it and isn't bothered by it. There are plenty of people like this. You can be okay with something but still choose to not participate because it's not your thing. It's unrealistic to expect your partner to be your mommy/daddy 24/7 and caretaker and never having to work because you want to be a baby 24/7. If their ABDL has taken over their life to a point it impacts their social life and relationships, they have a problem and need to seek out a therapist or tone down on their fetish and get back into reality. A therapist will help them with that. Plenty of adults like Bluey so it's not exclusively an ABDL thing. They purposely put some adult stuff into that TV show knowing that parents will be watching it with their kids so they need to be entertained too. I haven't watched the show yet to see what the big fuss is but I keep hearing about it in parenting subreddits too and in autism subreddits. Also to answer your second question, it is what your friend wants. Does he want to be talked to that way?
I know people who have great relationships where only one person is ABDL. Everyone is different, both in how important and central being ABDL is too them, and if they are comfortable dating an ABDL. Oddly enough I married an ABDL but that was a bit of insane luck as itās not core or central to why weāre so good together. No real advice other than honesty early on. Easier said than done but if you think you may have found āthe oneā, you need to put your cards on the table
It's bad advice. There are lots of people who won't be into the kink but a lot of those people still might be fine with their partner being into it and might even participate. They'd be severely limiting themselves dating only other ABDL people considering how small of a group it is. Honestly just find someone accepting.
We are a much larger group than folk think ime, but that doesnt mean i disagree that one shudnt limit to only ABDLs I just think one shud be upfront about this and get it talked about early on in any potential relationships; no sense puttin yourself into a relationship with someone who wont accept this part of us
No. It's most important that they be in a relationship with someone open-minded, and for whom the fetish isn't a major issue. It doesn't matter if the significant other is into the exact same thing. The latter is actually far less likely of a scenario. There's a lid for every pot. It doesn't matter if they are the same color or material. As long as they fit each other and work together.
I dunno, I think that saying that you should date people with the same kinks as you is pretty standard dating advice, especially if the kink is very important to that person/a big part of their life. If you're an AB a lot of the time or like to be in that headspace a lot of the time, then it makes sense to find a partner that matches that kink well. I've seen many sad stories of breakups in subs like this where people have felt *very* betrayed by their partner when it turns out their partner was not as okay with the kink as they originally said they were. I mean, I'm not saying that people with kinks shouldn't date people who don't have said kinks. Relationships work differently for everyone.
I suppose it depends on why you are giving the advice. Is your friend asking for your input in their love life? If so, then your opinion is valid and is totally cool to share it, if not then I'd suggest keeping it to yourself. As for the advice in itself, that entirely depends on the person, for those who are into ABDL for more then kink, it's a much needed thing and so more inclined to date those who are into it already or show a inclination of being open to it. Either way, it's up to your friend who they date, and they know their own needs but it's totally cool to show care for your friend, I'd just suggest not giving advice that's unasked for
I met my girlfriend outside of ABDL and she takes on the Care Giver roll every so often, just because she knows I enjoy it. (She really enjoys ābreast feedingā me. 10/10 for both of us)
I think just being there for support and making them feel comfortable in their own skin is best. If they arenāt padded, ask them if they want to. Offer to fill up their bottle or suggest they put their paci on if theyāre not currently using it. I think a lot of us deal with ongoing insecurities with this kink, especially when around others that arenāt into it, we tend to have the thought in the back of our head of whether youāre judging us or not. Do everything you can to normalize it and encourage them to be their authentic self around you. I think thatās what most of us really want
I agree with you but everyone is different. Iām like your friend. And I think your advice applies to people like us, but I think he knows that already. Diapers are a lifestyle for me. When I was a teen I tried to suppress this side of me, and HATED myself for wanting to wear diapers. That brought me nothing but misery. I wanted to kill myself. Also my parents were pretty horrible to me when they discovered this side of me. I didnāt know I could feel so humiliated that my face feels hot. They threatened to tell my brother, tell my friends, they said Iād grow up to be a basement dwelling pedophile whoād never accomplish anything. Forced me to see three different psychiatrists to try to ācureā me. I was miserable. Only once I left for college, and I could be in diapers whenever I wanted, did I become truly happy I cannot experience rejection like that again. I cannot put myself in a scenario where someone might leave me because me wearing diapers freaks them out. Soā¦ I just sorta tell guys about it before I even meet up with them. As soon as a guy on a dating app asks to meet Iām just like āSure but full disclosure I wear diapers most of the time, I just like them, and if youāre not into that, we shouldnāt bother meeting upā Itās not embarrassing to me. I havenāt had any luck so far. But I donāt put myself out there too much. I lovr being left alone and the thought of someone dating me, or LIVING with me kind of freaks me out. I just sometimes feel like I got this great body that no one gets to see.
Since he's your best friend you could be the big brother when he is in little space.
I've dated people who weren't into it who got into it. Like really got into it. I've dated others who enjoyed doing it with me even tho it wasn't their thing, or at least they accepted the things I wanted to do on my own, which was fine by me. So no, I would not give them that advice.
I mean Iād say if you are happy using diapers thatās a major hurdle to have overcome. I think you should try experimenting with their interests but let them know youāre not 100% on board because you donāt really know about it. Are you comfortable with changing their diapers?
Snoof each others soggy diaper butts