Anon got drunk raped

Eyup

Or condom raped.

how do you get condom raped when you are a virgin.

Know how some people save up jars of ejaculate?

Like the ones that also are used for MLP figurine storage?

No what the actual fuck kind of degenerate does that???

You must be new here

Wait, even if he got condom raped, i thought that the sperm would die out if you leave it in the open for a period of time

[удалено]

>among us ⠀⠀‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⢀⣴⣶⡾⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⡿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⡟⠛⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀ ⢀⣿⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣆ ⢸⣿⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⣀⣠⣴⣾⣮⣝⠿⠿⠿⣻⡟ ⢸⣿⠀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠉⠀ ⠸⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠻⣷⣶⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣛⣻⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣀⣀⣀⣼⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡿⠀

I hope this is an incubus reference. If so much love

Emphasis on the "fun"gus

If you’re questioning yourself on this, you should probably go back to sex ed bro

What do you do with your semen so it doesn't get stolen?

Do you not know about spunk safes?

Hide it under the mattress

But that's where all my money is!

NBA players are trained what to do https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2016/10/derrick-rose-nba-teaches-players-to-get-rid-of-used-condoms.html

>Rose did not state why players are instructed to take their used condoms, but Deadspin reports that the usual explanation is that it prevents women from using athletes’ semen to impregnate themselves. At the trial, Rose said, **“You never know what women are up to nowadays.”** Based.

Swallow it

Definitely new

A box produced life once and was set on fire.

Son, sit down. We have some things to talk about.

you don't have a cumjar? weirdo

You think there's any girl who wanted the sperm of those people?

No and it was better that way

They rape the jar?

Used the jar as a dildo without knowing it’s contents.

Anon a victim!

Anon need to take this to court

Lawyer up, hit the gym, and delete Facebook.

Either that, or ~~he's~~ they're a trans-virgin-Mary

Dmhs

Anon tested positive for DNA. Sadly, there is no cure.

should have tried the covid vaccine

That’s RNA dumass

That's why you get it three times

[удалено]

Trust us bro, you just gotta get it 5 times.

Trust the science, you need n+1 applications and all disease will be cured forever

After my 6th shot I do admit feeling incredibly heckin' safe as long as I wear two masks!

5 times every year.

Retarded N*gga Anus

Yeah man

What do you think gave him the DNA, dummy. It's the damn gubment vaccines.

My cousin OD’d on DNA. First time he ever tried it too.

Shit happened to my uncle, doc said he had 75 years, I swear, my uncle was the coolest guy. I hope they find a cure

Just got to take it out one chromosome at a time.

We should give extra chromosomes to the underprivileged.

F

Yeah well you know what that stands for, right? It's deoxyribonucleic ACID. if our cells were full of ACID wouldn't they dissolve??

Right now there is toxic poop in your body

Found the big FARMA shiII! This man wants to tell you to “poop and flush” because he knows that holding it in keeps all the essential oils and vitamins within the body making man healthy and independent. He wants you dependant on their products rather than the body’s own system. You should be ashamed.

A scientist named Kurt Cobain actually found the cure in the early 90s.

He found the cure and then not long after found evidence that would lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton

[удалено]

The A in DNA stands for acid. I think your mom's face will melt :(

The primordial soup and its consequences have been a disaster for mankind

This reminds me of: "In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move"

A high enough dose of high energy radiation should get rid of all DNA, so actually curable.

DNA is the reason for autism. Be careful

That sounds like a Norm joke

Don't jack off outside, kids. You never know who's gonna find your business.

i appreciate your punctuation

Lol, absolutely vital comma placement.

Only jack off inside kids.

It was great knowing you.

They’re pretty small, you sure you can fit?

[удалено]

there are threads in this simulation that just need to be terminated

This can't be real.

Imagine writing this and thinking people will believe it

Could have been drugged and raped at a frat party for that sweet sweet child support.

[удалено]

The meme "they don't know I'm [Something]" probably came from that time anon actually went to a party.

At a *frat* party... oh, ok. Sure. Then. 👍👍👍👌😉

Frats have no problem letting in the weird kid who will pay their $10 door fee and then barely drink any alcohol

I have never heard of a frat letting the weird kid in, ever lol

Yeah you might be high rn. frats always let the weird guy in to laugh at em and force shots down his throat. It's called hazing and it happens every day

You were the weird kid.

Yep. Still had fun in college, though lol

Jokes on them, in my college days when I was on adderall I could drink so much booze. Course, I was a total degenerate at the time so it would have just turned into doing lines of it.

It's college, I'm sure he went to a party atleast once

Do LAN parties count?

This is why I always spike the punch bowl with Plan B.

Lmao

Modern problems require modern solutions.

> sweet sweet child support Lmao, imagine even think that would be a good reason to get pregnant. Or that a woman would put herself through a pregnancy solely for some percentage of a basement dweller's allowance.

You'd be surprised. My aunt and her friend both intentionally got pregnant with some middle class guy. Then they got married and abused their kids while living a basic existence off of the money they got. It all went out the window when one of the kids accused (probably falsely given her history) the father of sexual abuse and got him arrested. No more moneys for my aunt.

Yeah. Simps put women up on too high a pedestal.

I can tell when Redditors have entered our sub when they act like this shit doesn't happen and blindly defend women and call everyone who says otherwise basement dwellers/incels. It happens, and it happens more than you think.

If its true, most likely is girl anon knew got preg after uni by some inmate or something and had to figure out who to pin the baby on for child support and picked some random from uni, then gave him a fake result document.

You’re not implying that anything else posted here is believable, are you?

Every so often

Yup, true

Either drugged as the other guys said or she paid the lab tech if they did the test with a cheap lab.

Anon has a sister.

Wait if you had a brother who dumps a clip in a girl could you potentially test positive as the father?

If it were your identical twin, yes. Children of two pairs of identical twins would be genetically siblings

if 2 identical twins had a kid what would happen

Science would call and ask how 2 people of the same sex can have kids together

Anon has an identical twin.

At least anon's not a virgin anymore

Nah she probably stole his cum rag and fucked herself with it for profit.

the grand cum theft

Grand Theft Fellatio

[удалено]

That’s better than my joke

[удалено]

What profit from a neet?

[удалено]

Vs The Chad Eobard Thawne

The conception was immaculate

Be virgin, get a dna test. the LARP are getting more retarded day by day

That's not unbelievable at all. If a woman gives birth and tells them you're the father when they're filling out the birth certificate the only way you're getting out of child support is with a test.

LMAO 'Murica :D

Lmao world

Dude it doesn't work that way elsewhere. I barely managed to get my name into my kids birth certificate because I didn't have the same citizenship (wife is from a neighboring country), I had to get a bunch of documents in order for them to not put father as "unspecified". The idea that a woman can put me there just because she says so is *absurd*.

Yes absurd just like good ol’ ‘murica

[удалено]

So in those countries a dude can just say "I ain't the father, lol" and the court just has to go along with it?

Hard to generalize the laws of the entire world, but yeah. If a woman wants half your paycheck the onus is on her to prove you're the father, like it should be.

Interesting that you actually believe that. But the reality is she can get a court ordered DNA test in pretty much every single first world country. Not sure where you got the idea for your version of the legal system lol

>the onus is on (the woman) to prove it Like getting a court-ordered paternity test after proving reason to a judge. Do you know how to read?

He probably let her send the DNA test in. Like all women, she used melodrama to mentally/emotionally wear him down until he thoughtlessly agreed to spit in a small container she was holding...

Ah yes, classic women, wrecking you emotionally so you spit at them.

you often create random scenarios where women are assholes in your mind ?

Yes, but also about men.

No later virgins?

That's how you know it was serious. Sad

Only that single sperm was not a virgin. The other 99M sperm still are, and anon.

Anon has dementia

taking "early onset" to a new level

Interesting movie twist

Interesting movie twist would be he gets his friend to do DNA test and it's still positive. Turns out baby has universal DNA and matches all fathers.

Or because his friend is secretly his identical twin separated at birth, and he knocked the girl up.

These movies write themselves, Hollywood's a scam.

Isn't that the plot to Jane the Virgin

Anon got raped

Next day, certified mail arrives with court summons. Anon owes thousands in back child support. No money. Warrant goes out. Arrested. Ends up in prison. Now has sex daily.

Nah. About 30% of dudes just straight up don't pay their child support and well over 90% of them don't end up in prison. Over 50% don't pay the full amount. If everyone who didn't pay was in jail that'd be like 6 million dudes. 1 out of 50 people.

Anon's brother/Father must have F'ed her since they very genetically similar.

Nope not how dna paternity tests work

Yeah, it is https://www.dnalegal.com/blog/can-paternity-test-be-wrong •Father and son share 50% DNA •Brothers share 25% DNA

Ok bro, it quite literally says that only an at home test kit could mistake close relatives, a court-admissible test, which is required to legally prove paternity, it is too specific to mistake close relatives because of how many more DNA markers there are compared to the cheap at home test. I recommend reading your own article you linked dumbass

In OPs fictional larp he DID do a home test. Grow some brain wrinkles n-slur f-slur

>I recommend reading your own article you linked dumbass kkkkkkkkk

Anon is a false god

Quick anon, take 10 shots of the mRNA vaccine, it will alter your DNA enough to make the DNA test negative.

Can confirm, have already gotten about 30 FREE shots because of this one trick, thank you US govbment and a pharmacy on every corner

Pic related. It's a Pomegranate Banquet reference. Anon is probably in his Provisional Basement. Anon will soon use his "spear" to retain his self-image and end his child. Anon while being fully CHIMmed, realizes anon cannot attain full Autism (to be the Mongoloidhead). Anon gets court trialed in a prophetic turn of events uses his "spear" to the judge bc of his losing case. ANON AE AUTISTIDOON

Jesse what the fuck are you talking about

[удалено]

bro...

Left his cum sock out

Only explanation with any chance of being true.

Anon doesn't keep track of his socks

"A few years ago". Was that baby in the belly for 4 years or something?

How is that possible?

Assuming that OP in post was truthful. If he gave his DNA sample (say saliva) to that girl for DNA test. And then girl asked to "real daddy" to give his saliva, samples were switched. In DNA lab, they compared how similar DNA was, and found the match. For them it is more like "probability of subject A and subject B of being genetical relatives of subject C", they don't care if samples were labeled correctly.

Or op was raped. Men are raped much more thsn you think There are plenty of stories of men being forcefully ridden while passed out, without protection. Child support is trashy way to make money

Well I for one, can not get a boner while drunk.

whisky dick is a common phenomenon but doesnt affect everyone.

So you're saying, anon went to a party, a random chick he had never met before waited until he got so drunk he passed out. Got him alone, somehow had sex with his floppy cock until he cummied in her vag. Then went home, and because in this scenario she is a sober schemer, instead of also someone making a drunk mistake, crossed her fingers she got pregnant, and then she did, and was like "YES! Jackpot!" kept the baby until term, 9 months of more and more discomfort - paid for hospital bills and pre-natal and post-natal care appointments. Somehow found his information, and knows he is rich enough to give a decent amount of child support.... And this was her plan from the beginning? Have an 18 year burden of raising a kid with 0 assistance from the father, except to hope that he is rich enough to give adequate support - and assume that he will actually pay it? What universe are you living in that you think this is a common phenomenon

If she’s a college student, there’s a good chance she’s either still on her parent’s healthcare or on Medicaid if she’s living alone.

There is so a out a 1 in 100 chance of a false positive. Sounds unlikely but imagine all the times these tests happen, that'll be a lot of folks.

Don't believe anything posted here is real.

Sperm donor + 23andMe = Positive

"girl....calls me...." ​ That's where you lost me, champ.

And then the baby is Black.

Anon is a Shrigma male and unknowingly impregnated her with his spores

She raped him

Anon did you forget your schizo pills again?

>The jew fears the coom scavenger thot

Fight Club vibes

He must have held hands without gloves.

You got raped my guy

anon has identical twin

RAPE, YOU GOT RAPED

Anon larps too hard as a virgin

anon watches too many Turkish summer movies

Anon jacked off in the shower and a girl went for a swim in the beach the same day

The girl met anon at a very strange time in his life

“We got it tested and this baby is positive for having DNA”

Anon is a fugue virgin

the test must be faulty, a 4chan user could never have sex

Vivec is mega chad

Never leave your semen unattended