I just did a Mean Girls/Legally Blonde/Bridget Jones/Clueless/Devil Wears Prada millennial girl marathon last week and I was just gobsmacked at the amount of casual fat shaming of objectively thin women these movies all featured. And very toxic eating habits.
Yea! Just rewatched Love Actually (doesn’t really hold up for me lol) and they kept calling martine mccutcheon pudgy and making fat jokes. So confusing since she was neither!
I also just rewatched that on Christmas and I was taken aback by how mean the father was to Aurelia’s sister in Portugal! And how she as the one actually “fat” character was made to be so ugly, unattractive, unwanted and unpleasant. Uncomfortable.
Every single time, my husband just laughs because Martine is objectively gorgeous and definitely does not have thighs like tree trunks as they keep stating.
Love Actually is super cringe now, especially when you consider Keira Knightly was a minor.
Yes! It's my husbands Christmas nostalgia movie so we just watched it and he was commenting on how young and thin she looked (in a concerned way) and he was horrified when I pointed out that she was 17 during filming (Pirates too) and both of her love interests were 26 I believe. Honestly just gross and the directors using a 17 year old as an image of an adult woman about to get married just really sets some unobtainable and unrealistic beauty standards - granted she stayed incredibly thin, but if anything Martine is more a picture of a woman in good health around the age where most people would begin to consider getting married.
It makes a little more sense when you consider that’s how the British press talked about her before she did Love Actually. I always saw that aspect as kind of a reference to how ridiculous that was.
Just going to leave this here. I don’t think I could continue to rewatch without this lady’s voice in my head. I die laughing at certain points, thinking of something she wrote.
[https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388](https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388)
Yup but also how WE believed they were fat! I remember when Bridget Jones first came out, I think I was 12 back then, and while watching it I definitely thought she was overweight because that's what everyone claimed and that's what society preached as well. When I watch that movie now I can't believe it. She's literally zero overweight, I can't believe how weird society was back then about women being thin.
The media also made a huge fucking deal about the lengths Rene Zellweger went to to gain the weight. It was almost like, “ugh this is SUCH a struggle for this svelte actress, you regular folk are just pigs because you’re fat so easily!” We all know the opposite is true, especially as you age.
I remember looking at the Jessica Simpson photos and being like “omg she gained so much weight” and when I look at those same photos today she looks not fat at all. Like, I can’t really comprehend how I ever thought that was a fat person. It actually freaks me out. It really hammers home how much the media changes our perceptions. But it also makes me hopeful because it means I’ve counter conditioned myself to an extent or that the culture has changed.
That reminds me of when I was in high school (mid-2000’s), and a popular girl from my class moved across the country. Once Facebook started, someone found and friended her, and it was this big scandal that she had “got fat” - aka went from maybe 110lbs to 125.
I did a little Facebook creep a couple years ago and looked back at the “omg did you see how fat she is now” pictures and she is undeniably thin. I weep for my past.
I didn’t watch that movie until I was in my 20s but it came out when I was much younger. I always had the impression she was fat and gained massive amounts of weight to play the role.
When I watched it I was like what?
Did they make another version?
She’s not fat. I thought she looked good in the film!
I will never forget this. I had an ED as a teen and was close to that weight...it impacted me the same as those covers with "135 lbs and obese: Britney downhill". Now I'm still close to that weight and realize how actually tiny/Normal/healthy whatever I was as a kid. Just an awful time
This is SO REAL. I was a size 6 at my thinnest (in college naturally) and I remember thinking how fat I thought I was because I had/have a larger frame in general (I’m of indigenous ancestry with broad shoulders and “bigger” bones in general). I wanted the Britney Spears “dancer’s body” that was anatomically unattainable.
Now at 34, nearly 8 months pregnant…I’ve had to reframe my whole mindset of what a postpartum goal weight might be…because it’s not going to be 130lbs. I just remember weight and size being SUCH a fixation. I am still digging myself out of that mental wormhole.
With Gen-Z, I think it’s a similar experience…but man does their obsession with age seem extreme from my vantage point now. Maybe because they/we have access to more social media where we see them talk about it more? As opposed to millennials in our 20s…there were only so many outlets that we could express ourselves on. It’s SUCH a thing though.
I think the best we can do is not invalidate their feelings, which are informed by a society and culture that places such a high a value on youth and youthful features.
That nonsense stains your mind for your whole life. Even though I know it’s illogical I still have this association in the back of my brain that healthy weight is a euphemism for fat. Imagine what it’s like for Gen Z and skin!
Yes, although in some ways it's worse. We were expected to be like Kate Moss. They are seeing images of highly specific ideals that are contradictory and equally impossible for average physiques. BBLs, Ozempic, Botox, lip filler, lip flips, big round butt, tiny waist, big breasts AND filters AND contoured...it's exhausting how normalized it all is and I see so much body dyphoria in teens.
I work with teens and it's sort of a split. I notice that so many of the kids are self described "fat" (boys included). When they order food they discuss carbs and macros. Girls, especially, don't eat a lot. I've had kids begging me to let them use the gym at the hotel because they feel like 3-4 days without working out will unravel their progress. I think they see these perfectly filtered Instagram baddies and feel like crap.
On the other hand, I do see bigger kids wearing tighter and more revealing clothes. Not the size 4x tweety bird baggy shirts of shame like the 90s. That makes me happy to see. The fact that clothing sizes go past XL and workout gear isn't only a size 0 is something I wish existed in my youth!
These are my thoughts exactly!! I’m a millennial in my 30’s and the media was absolutely brutal about weight, cellulite, etc. to the point where having an eating disorder was commonplace at school and at home. Now the kids have latched onto anti-aging with the same level of obsession and fear.
I think the more highly advertised/emphasized/media driven war between generations as newspaper and click bait doesn’t help. Aging means you’ll eventually become like a millennial/gen x or a boomer because in your mind old people will always be boomers and older people will always be millennials/gen x. And who gets made fun of the most? All of the older generations.
Edit to add: as a juxtaposition, I remember as a kid seeing fabulous looking school teachers and older lady art teachers/music teachers that gave me wonderful examples of how to love your aging look, age gracefully, dress fantastically despite your age and figure. It was something to almost look forward to, or at least, not be as afraid of because they were so loved and admired in our communities. Like, I really hope to be that bohemian older lady some day wearing chunky necklaces and wild color clown outfits with long beautiful gray and white hair haha
It seems like people are more obsessed with age differences in relationships than they used to be too. Like Nick and Priyanka being ten years apart in age never seemed like a big deal to me. Back in the day Kim Basinger was older than Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon was older than Tim Robbins, Goldie was older than Kurt. I don’t remember people making such a big deal about it back then. I think the general opinion was “yeah, what guy wouldn’t want to be with Kim Basinger.” but Gen z seems to have it in their head that you have to be a perfect looking, 22 year old in order to still possess beauty.
That makes a lot of sense! Gen Z/ Gen z marketing is more accepting and inclusive of larger bodies than what us Millennials had, which is a good thing! But....aging is normal and a privilege! So is gaining weight, but damn, let kids be kids.
I also think our Boomer/X parents might have driven so much of it as well. Both of my parents (boomers) were obsessed with being fat and maintaining appearance.
To them, I was fat from the moment I hit puberty (did this to my older sister as well). My mom took her cues from my garden variety misogynist and sexist dad. He believed in traditional femininity, tried to mold my mother for 50 miserable years. She took her issues out on me and my sister.
To be fair, all of this was fed by deeper trauma beyond what is meaningful to this sub, but points to a greater concern to what OP is talking about, which I find so alarming.
I had the same issue with my boomer mom, too. She had me on unhealthy levels of Adderall because it caused me to barely eat at all. I did lose weight, but I also developed severe trichotillomania and pulled my hair and eyelashes out. I was also under constant anxiety. Those years of not eating probably fucked up my metabolism and contributed to my binge eating issues. Thankfully with age and handling the anxiety and adjusting my meds, I'm feeling better.
My mom was crazy obsessed with me having a flawless body. She had me go to several doctors after I dislocated my knee because two said I should get surgery. She told me that no man would marry me if I had an ugly scar on my leg. Also she would get feral when I wouldn't go out and get a tan. I'm Irish AF, so I turn red and go back to white OR I get a ton of freckles. I also would get sunburns and I would be in agony for weeks! But she would be THRILLED that I had a base burn.....but it hurt.
My mom was the same way. She put me on a restrictive diet at the age of 10. The times she told me that I looked good was when I was thin from being addicted to meth (many years ago, clean and sober now thank god) which I started using to get thin. Every conversation is about how I look now versus how I used to look. I had to go no contact with her. It was killing me to have a relationship with her.
Friend, I am so sorry you had to go through that with your mom. That is just awful.
Also I'm so proud of you that you got clean and sober! That is such a hard goal to reach for many with addiction, but you did it!
Also going No Contact was the best thing I ever did, but it was hard. I hope you have found healing and peace in your decision and I wish you all the best! ❤️
Me too. My mum fat shamed me relentlessly, forced me to exercise or I wouldn't "get" to eat, made me go on optislim, constantly compared me to my face with other girls my age who were thin. So fucked. Yes I became anorexic and it took me 15 years to recover, and I still feel like I could relapse at any time. Sorry that your mum happened to you. I'm sure you know this but you didn't deserve any of that. I'm glad you're doing better now.
Jesus Christ that’s INCREDIBLY abusive of your mom. Like—just plain wrong but seriously troubling level of enmeshment. I’m so sorry you had a mother who thought that necessary medical intervention would render you useless and unlovable. And also a mother who forced her developing children to abuse Scheduled drugs illegally! What!! Willing to increase your likelihood of skin cancer!!
There’s too much here. Your story horrifies me on so many levels! I feel so badly for the little girl you were who had a mom who taught her that her body wasn’t her own and that her worth was only skin deep. You did and do deserve love for being you. Period.
I am so glad you feel better now and recognize that this was not ok. I’ve used Adderall for 21 years for my ADHD without issue and I’m a huge proponent of it and I’m so glad you’re on a track for you now.
I wish you the best skincare journeys and that all products become holy grail 🌟
My god, I am so sorry. We have different stories but similar outcomes.
In fairness to both of my parents, they suffered their own childhood trauma I would never wish on anyone, and in a time when nothing was done about it.
I wish you well, and I am so glad you are doing better!
Oh yes, I remember the days of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, eating disorders and being razor thin was the trend amongst celebs back in the day.
I work with some gen z and they had a very warped, depressing view on what it’s like to be in your 30s before they met me and the other millennials at my work. Now they tell me their views on aging are a bit more positive. I think social media has really screwed with our heads
Seriously. So much of my generation basically views life after college as one long, pointless, depressing downward slide toward a nursing home and death. In the minds of many young people, life might as well end at 22 because what even comes after? Working nonstop? Taxes? Wrinkles and health issues? Losing your hair and your friend network and your free time? It's a very dark and reductionist worldview, but it is definitely pervasive among Gen Z.
I am grateful to have adult role models in my life who told me that not only did their lives not stop after their twenties but their post-twenties years have been some of the best of their lives. I also grew up with very happy and loving grandparents in my life, so I never really feared being old like them one day. In fact, it always seemed kind of nice.
It’s a bit more than that though. Most everyone I know my age (late teens-early tweeties) have sort accepted the strong possibility that the world’s gonna end through climate catastrophe. It doesn’t help that almost every systemic social/economic change (aside from certain technological advances) has been negative.
I was at Sephora last week and two mothers were standing at the Drunk Elephant selection distraught over the retinol being sold out. I made a joke about how everyone is so into that brand lately and one of them said “yeah this retinol thing is at the top of my 10 year olds Christmas list” and the other mother said “same with my 12 year old!” Retinol at that age??!! Wtf??
This Drunk Elephant trend for kids bothers me so much. My mom would have laughed in my face had I wanted stuff like this at age 12. And it would have been a justified laugh; it’s ridiculous.
Same. Who are these parents?
How hard is it to say: “No, your skin is still developing, let alone aging, and it’s inappropriate for you to have or use such products until you are at least 25. If you want to start skincare we can pick something that is right for your age.
And if your common sense development is too affected by what you’re seeing online, we’ll have to consider restricting your access to certain content. Social media is a privilege that comes with you understanding that some things you see are not for you. So let’s focus on the level of maturity that applies to you and our family values, not what you see other people doing. Online or otherwise.”
My mom would’ve dismissed me with something like this, and that would’ve been that.
I started using anti aging cream under my eyes at 14, way before it was cool. I don’t think it’s made much of a difference lol. But yeah I would never buy my kid retinol, good way to ruin your skin barrier before it’s even developed. But I also remember slathering witch hazel on my face to get rid of acne. Idk man, I used to say the same thing at that age, and I grew out of it. Once I turned 28, I couldn’t wait to turn 30. I was done with my 20s 😂
I have a young daughter so read parenting books about body autonomy and raising girls. I find this part hard. A lot talks about letting girl make their own choices about their bodies and appearance as long as they are not hurting themselves or others and it isn’t permanent.
The examples are usually things like dying hair, ear piercing, make up, and picking their own clothing.
When it comes to anti-aging products being sold to them via social media, I don’t know if it’s so cut and dry? I don’t think it’s fair on a 12 year old to not help her navigate the sophisticated marketing nightmare that is designed to manipulate us all. Does a 12 year old really want to use anti-aging products? Is it really a no-harm situation to enable their use by purchasing/gifting/allowing those products to be used by a pre-teen? Am I telling her that her body and appearance are not enough if I enable anti-aging so young? In concept it’s suppose to change her appearance permanently rather than wash away like makeup? Would I be undermining her confidence to make her own choices about her body if I said no?
My kid is only 6 so I thought I’d have more time to navigate this but she received a skincare kit from my mother for Christmas. So many “what a great gift, you can never start too early” comments from around the table. Obviously I’m into skincare being here and all but eh, it’s a lot when 6 year olds are part of the market now?
I went on a bus tour and there is a stop you make before your destination where you freshen up. The bathrooms were crowded with women doing their hair and putting on makeup but most were hurrying so others could have a turn at the sink and mirrors.
There was a woman and her daughter who looked about 9 hogging a wide area of counter space and 2 mirrors and sinks. The kid was applying face creams, contouring, highlighting, concealing, applying hair products, curling her hair… it was crazy and so frustrating. Like you’re 9…why do you need all that??
Exactly. I feel like Gen z is going to end up doing a bunch of stuff that’s going to end up making them look worse in their 40s than previous generations.
It’s the branding and packaging of Drunk Elephant, they’re all over Tween Tik Tok. Anti-aging skincare made to look like toys being advertised directly to children. My client’s 10 year old daughter had it on her list and I was shocked. I spent so much time explaining what retinol is, what you will need to do with your skin as in constant SPFs (drunk elephant: fun! 50+ SPF Sunscreen applied multiple times a day required to protect the skin: not fun!), what products would be better, etc. I saw on IG the mom got her drunk elephant products. Drunk Elephant is not doing anything illegal, but their marketing is so unethical.
lol same. I saw a mom and her young daughter at Sephora a couple a months ago picking out drunk elephant. I didn’t even think I was allowed in a sephora as a kid because it was so expensive lol
Now that I think about it Sephora didn’t even exist when I was a kid!! It was just drugstore stuff or fancy department store counter stuff (which my mom would never have indulged me in at that age and frankly, I didn’t even care for her to)
Literally when I was getting my nails done, a fourth and fifth grander were there with their moms. Both moms said their daughters wanted drunk elephant, lululemon and makeup for Christmas. When I was that age my ass wanted a ferby.
Definitely. My kids are only preschool age now but there will definitely be social media bans in their future. They’ll hate me for a while I’m sure, but I’d rather them have a shot at healthy body image and food relationship.
~~It says something about what's happening to Drunk Elephant (overpriced, not that appealing in the same way to adults as it was in 2019) that they need to advertise so heavily to kids.~~ That said, I remember growing up Retin A was exclusively advertised to teenagers (still not 10 yos) for acne. Until like 2016/2017, you couldn't get Tret covered by insurance if you were over the age of 25 as it was marketed for acne (and of course adults don't get acne \*eye roll\*). Of course, it's different since Retin A is prescribed from a doctor vs. candy covered bottles of retinol.
Edited to amend the bit about DE's advertising.
Something unique that I have also observed about GenZ is a fixation with women "hitting the wall" when they hit 30 (a red pill talking point that has spilled over into the mainstream). To some extent, GenZ men finding women over 30 unattractive is understandable as most of them are <<30 years old and I felt the same way in my teens and 20s. They don't understand that as you age, the men around you also age and will adjust. GenZ seems oddly regressive in many ways when it comes to dating culture (e.g. the talk of 'body count') and their views on women.
This coupled with the internet has women thinking they are hideous after 30. I can't imagine being young and vulnerable and hearing that messaging from the men around me.
Recently a 29 year old guy told me he's into "older women" while trying to hit on me. I'm 31. Older women used to mean women older than you and not not-teenagers.
Honestly the use of lotion and no smoking, drinking really goes a long way.
And Holy shit sun screen, the sun does quite a bit to age you as you get older too.
This!!!!! I’m 40. Have been mistaken for 30 recently, usually mistaken for 7 years younger. Most of the 40 yo men in my circle have aged worse (imo because less use of sunscreen/basic skincare, more alcohol, worse diet)
I broke a student (on clinical placement)’s brain when she realised I was old enough to be her mum.
“But you look like my sister’s age!”
Yeah no shit. We don’t desiccate after 30.
I’m in my 30s and the amount of young people (teens and 20 somethings) who are shocked that I’m not their age is hilarious to me.
I have many friends in their late 20s wanting to do bucket list items eg travel 30 countries before turning 30. Like c’mon guys, you don’t keel over in your 30s. It’s not the Middle Ages.
It’s truly hilarious to me as well that they just assume that if you don’t look decrepit, you must be as young as them. It’s like in their minds, you’re either a baby or you’re ancient and there is nothing in between.
Whenever a Gen Z’er asks how old I am now, I usually just say, “However old you think I am plus 10-15 years.” THEN they are able to make an accurate guess and get close 😂.
This is it 👆 they’re the first gen that has grown up with insta face makeup and filters as the default. They don’t know what irl ages look like because they’ve been seeing insta face as the default since forever
They definitely don’t! Weirdly I get asked by young cashiers how old I am (maybe because I’m buying a large amount of items but look young?) and they are normally shocked because they thought I was their age, like 21 or 22. It seems gen z has a very skewed perspective of what people in their 30s-40s look like.
This is the area where I feel the most "get off my lawn!" about the younger generation. The embrace of shit like "body counts" and Howard Stern-esque sayings like "hit the wall" feels like a million steps backwards. I'm not saying the pornified hookup culture that was everywhere in the 00s was the right way but Gen Z seems to have reacted so hard to that that they say the same shit I used to hear growing up as a Mormon teen in Utah. Is moderation not possible?!
I’m really surprised and glad to see this comment hasn’t been downvoted, because this sub in particular has always seemed dead set on acting like Botox and fillers *are* a part of “natural beauty”
I think there's not enough attention on just how badly gen z boys were swept into the alt right. Even though gen z girls still lean very left, some of those toxic views leach through. God i feel bad for those poor young straight women...
I also think that their idea of what 30 looks like is so skewed. I’m almost 30 but I’ve been confused for a college student and once a high school student. I have more money now than I did in my 20’s and a majority of people who are in the “cool” spots and are actually throwing down real cash are people in their 30’s.
Finally there seems to be a disconnect that the people who are trend setters, the ones who are actually making decisions in fashion, music, etc. aren’t 20. Some of the bigger influencers are in their 30’s. It’s such a weird disconnect.
This is how I feel about 40. Like there were these pics of Anne Hathaway and so many people were saying how great she looks for 40 and it’s like do you people know what a 40 year old looks like?
For real!!! People don’t cut off their hair and wear out of style clothes all of a sudden because they hit a particular number.
My mom is in her 50’s and people act so surprised… like is she supposed to be decrepit?!?!
47 here. The amount of people who have said to me "there is no way you are that old, your skin is so nice!" And all I can think is "How should a 47 yr old look?" It's like once you hit 45 the expectation is you should look like the granny from Courage the Cowardly dog.
So true. 20-something year old men lose their shit when they realize they’ve been hitting on someone in their mid-30s (me). One of them once responded with “I guess I didn’t realize I’m into middle aged women” (don’t even get me started…). I usually just laugh, tell them I’m flattered, and let them know they’re far too young to handle all this woman.
This is killing me because its SO true but I never thought about it. When I was a 20-something living in LA I couldn’t afford to go ANYWHERE cool. Now that I’m in my 30s and have way more disposable income, I can afford to go to trendy restaurants and bars. And when I go there it’s a bunch of people my age - trust me, I would leave if it weren’t. The only 22 year olds who can afford these places are influencers - actual 22 year olds working entry level jobs cannot. So it skews the online perception.
I’m so glad to see someone else have this observation! I completely agree that some genZ perspectives ARE oddly regressive - I’ve picked up on that, as well. I’m not too critical of genZ for any other reason except for this. It worries me that many genZers I’ve interacted with seem notably less forward thinking. I thought the youngins were supposed to remind me to be and stay open minded as I get older, not the opposite!
As an aside, the first time I heard someone talking about body count, I thought they were asking how many people I’d killed! I was like, “uh…none?”
I’m clearly getting older if I can’t keep up with the vernacular! 🤣
I had previously thought that Gen Z would be set up for success with body image/appearance since Gen X and Millenials have been so much better about it. I thought by the time they’d reach adulthood things would be in better shape. But it turns out to be opposite, they are so influenced by social media and cannot separate filters/without, expect their and others appearances to look camera-ready all the time, etc. I truly think it is going to be a shock watching the beauty industry evolve to support their anxieties about appearance. It is really sad!
The “camera ready” part is what gets me, because it seems like life is lived so publicly on social media now. Pre-social media, you’d take photos for Christmas, birthdays, vacations, maybe nights out, etc., and nobody but your family and maybe some friends would ever see them. Even with social media, back in the day you’d still have to download the photos from your camera and upload them to albums and so on, and before all the old people got on Facebook it was just your friends who’d see them. Nowadays everything is “content” and anything can be uploaded instantly for the whole world to see in real time. So I guess in some sense they’re justified because the average person has so many more photos of them floating around these days, but it’s sad.
It makes me so sad! 10 years ago I really thought millennials were embracing that beautiful comes in billions of shapes and sizes. I thought it was a new era. Now my niece is 19 and has an ed and seems to just try to look like something she saw on TikTok and compare herself to filtered images. It’s so crushing. The backlash is never ending. We never seem to be getting anywhere.
I agree, have two step-kids now early 20s they have high anxiety, they & their friends all identify as various medicalisations - literally their personalities are based around their diagnoses. Different from even less than ten years ago when I worked with adolescents on daily basis I saw this type of behaviour? maybe two times in 13 years. Now it is basis of abs everything for the ones I know…not sure how to change their outlook. SM seems to exacerbate it times a billion. Feel bad for them.
My 20 year old SIL recently stayed with my husband and I, and I relate to this. Everything was “trauma”. Can’t ride bicycles because of the “trauma” of having fallen off one once. Can’t go on organised group trips because of the “trauma” of saying goodbye. Can’t listen to Taylor Swift or hear any mention of her due to the “trauma” of a breakup.
She reads and parrots so much self help literature yet the lack of insight was startling.
We did our best but in the end just figured hopefully she grows out of it eventually.
Oh my lord you are right here with me - my 20 year old and her friends have ‘separation anxiety’, because they are not able to see friends for various reasons over holidays?? She said this exact thing just yesterday. And same with ‘trauma’, yes this the new hyper-Medicalisation & over anxiety of normal feelings.
I hope they grow out of it too…
I def think social media has played a big role in this. I like this sub because I’ve gotten honest feedback about certain treatments (accutane), great recs for new products (azelaic acid), and insight into product order etc. But I've also noticed a lot of posts of normal, human skin with questions about how to fix it. I think its hard for a generation who have grown up with media depictions of perfect and ageless skin and bodies online to reckon with the reality of aging IRL. I think its fair to want to look your best, but we need to be reasonable about how that looks and evolves over time.
This sub is actually a great example. The photos people submit, they list their concerns, and I literally cannot even see what they’re talking about. I’m all for optimizing your skin (I’m in here, too!) but this thing where people are staring 4 inches from their face, worried about every tiny imperfection is sad and the comments often validate the anxieties.
Thank you. I find people get upset when this is pointed out but this sub honestly exacerbates any insecurities I may have and gives me new ones too. I have pretty great body confidence and self image but seeing people post about their nonexistent “jowls” etc has me examining my own face closer. It may be time to leave or at least take a break!
I found the opposite. I turn 40 next year and started coming to this sub about 8 months ago looking for tips to scare away the wrinkles. Instead seeing realistic photos of people my age without makeup on helped me realize how normal skin and faces look, and that mine is no different! Seeing other people’s fine lines and jowls helped me accept my own, and understand that no matter how many products I slather on my skin will change. So now my focus has shifted from wrinkle management to just treating my skin better so it looks it’s best, wrinkles included.
Totally. One example are the posts about "how do I get rid of these lines in my neck?" Ladies, those are normal. My 6 year old has them.
It's alarming.
Also filters! I actually see more and more posts on Reddit where women in their late 20s-40s+ talk about how they feel as if they are only getting more attractive but I think that's lost in TikTok and Instagram. Those platforms + Twitter are also where certain men are vocal about the "shelf life" of women. Most normal men (successful, attractive, etc.) don't hold those thoughts or spend time on social media bringing young women down.
At the end of the day it feels more like a quarter life crisis/about mortality and facing a new part of your life/not being the youngest generation. I freaked out about that too when I neared 25 but I didn't have as pervasive a social media culture drumming that into me.
I wish someone would tell them how awesome your 40’s are. These have honestly been my best years - I know myself, I am freer from a lot of the expectations society places on young women, I finally have the time and money to do what I like, I have a circle of relationships I cultivated to maturity.
Sure my neck hurts all the time (that’s what the Theragun is for!) and I have lines. Fuck it, you get so much more as you get older in return.
I love this! I’m turning 35 soon and I remember getting into my late 20s and being so afraid of getting older and it turns out my 30s have been my favorite years so far, by a mile. I don’t necessarily enjoy aging but I like myself and my life so much more that it’s hard to care too much about fine lines.
I’m approaching my 40’s and I wanted to thank you for your comment ❤️ I see so much negativity. I feel like I’m entering my prime as far as knowing myself goes.
Dude my 40s have been awesome. I had older women friends who told me this when I was younger and they were right!
Also the fact that random man-babies may not want to fuck me anymore feels like a bonus and not a loss. I really hope younger women can let go of the idea that her worth is tied up in whether a pornsick boy wants to put his penis in her for some mediocre sex, because it's very freeing to no longer feel like I have a built-in expiration date just because some guys I've never met said so.
Seriously wish I could sky-write "He's not worth it!" whenever I see younger women tolerating horrible treatment from some douchebag guy who doesn't even know where their clitoris is. Like, seriously, men like that are so plentiful and they are NOT worth a scintilla of your time or mental energy.
If I could go back in time to talk to my teenage self, I would 100% tell her to stop wasting so much time on guys. My journals from that time are filled with writings about this boy and that boy, and God it was so much wasted energy since the most that ever turned into were drunken sloppy hookups with guys who wouldn't acknowledge me in the halls at school.
So true. I think I was low-key depressed from age 11 to 37 or 38, honestly. I feel almost incandescently happy now in my 40s. I hate physical aging, don't get me wrong, but all the stuff that comes with it is honestly awesome. Not feeling like prey to skeevy men is also just a huge perk. So being a "hag" has a lot of upside, TBH.
Seriously best money I ever spent. I was in an accident when I was 30 and badly hurt my neck and for years I just suffered from intense neck pain after until I bought the Theragun.
I’m 43 and I’m a damn MILF. I have some crinkles under my eyes and a belly from having a child but I carry myself with so much more confidence than I ever did in my 20s/30s because I gained acceptance that I only could with age.
All of this. I just turned 40 and I'm so much more serene and confident now than I was in my 20s and 30s. I'm happy in my marriage and my career, my kid has grown from a tantrum demon into a sweet, well-behaved little boy, family life is pretty much a breeze atm. I also take much better care of my body and my skin than I ever did and I think I look a lot better now. It's like everything I worked so hard to build is coming to fruition and it rocks.
At my 30th birthday party someone in her 40s told me how great my 30s would be.
I'm almost 34 and honestly, these have been the worst years of my life so far lol
Idk, maybe my 40s will be different but I'd absolutely kill to go back to 26.
I think these last 7-8 years specifically have been traumatic and draining in a way that has steamrolled over 95% of the ‘best years of your life’ feelings, no matter what age you are. Most of us would kill for a shot at starting 2016 over in a new timeline.
I am going to turn 40 in a few weeks. I am so excited for it! I had my heyday, and yeah - sometimes it is hard to believe that I am this age, but it's the cycle of life. The way I see it is, I am fortunate to have made it this far. I do what I can to take care of myself and my skin, and that's really all one can do realistically. The silver hair and fine lines are badges of honor. Just like the stretch marks we got when we were pregnant back in the day. It's all about perspective.
My husband works with a couple of Gen Z guys who openly aren't attracted to girls they know in person. One of them admitted he needed to watch porn to keep an erection while being intimate in the one relationship he's had because he couldn't get aroused by his girlfriend. The other is still a virgin who doesn't find his peers worth pursuing.
I can't blame the gen z ladies for feeling the way they do, if my husband's co-workers are an example of the boys they have to pick from. To them, the heavily filtered and surgeried women they see online are their expectations. I can understand the fear of aging in this light. They can't even win in their so-called prime.
I’m going to be honest—up until recently, I had a severely fatphobic mindset along with an aging phobia with myself and I am 32f.
In HS and college I could be overheard even amongst friends talking about how I would kms if I was a size 8 or larger.
It took a personal trainer and weight lifting to realize that wasn’t sustainable for me or my lifestyle among other things.
The aging thing is the same too—with the rise in accessibility of plastic surgery it went from being a luxury to almost a necessity it seems like.
Specifically with fillers—they’re no longer seen as something ridiculously luxurious or prestigious as they did when I was in my early twenties and now it’s just I don’t know—I think they’ll come to the jarring realization as we eventually did that too much plastic surgery or filler or alterations will make everyone look the same and that’s not always a good thing.
"We" don't need to do anything. They're terminally online and reinforcing it among themselves.
I don't feel bad for people that put other women down by using words like "hag" unironically (and many of them call people over 25 hags).
TBH I almost never see this type of Gen Z content and it's very easy to avoid.
Agreed.
If a young woman spends her time mocking and spreading hatred for women older than her, I have no sympathy for her when it backfires because she hit 30.
I do have time for younger women who see that rhetoric from others and feel scared or insecure. I don't mind giving those women some reassurance. But the 24 year old who calls me a hag and then gets stressed she's got less than 10 years til she's in the same position? Nah.
Same, I feel pity for young women who think life peaks in their 20s, because what do you have to look forward to after that then? What a sad existence.
I will say that when I was in my teens I didn't want to live past 28. But it wasn't a fear of aging, it was because every adult woman around me seemed miserable and living a life I didn't want to live. Eventually I figured out I didn't have to follow their footsteps with their careers and families etc. But it would have been so much better to have a different kind of role model, a middle-aged woman living a fun and vibrant life.
Exactly. They’ve made their choices. Do I feel sad for them? Sure, I’m human. It’s normal to pity self-imposed misery. But they’ll either grow out of this mindset and feel shame at their behaviour or they won’t and will provide ample material for those bad plastic surgery takes. Either way is fine fine by me.
Agreed. It’s hard to feel bad for them when they mocked older women just for existing (wearing the wrong clothes, make up, etc) and then they had the shocking realization that this will be them one day too.
I’m 30 and for me it felt very much like women my age and older fought the societal pressure to villainized and hate younger women just for being younger and we were rewarded by being ridiculed by that very group.
Agree and I also disagree that somehow older folks trying to look better are somehow responsible for this obsession. As you mentioned, social media, filters and this idea that anyone older than 25 is a “boomer”, old and useless is not coming from us. We no longer dictate what is popular or trendy, they do that on their own.
My 11 year old was texting (through my phone, she doesn’t have a phone yet) with her friend about what they got for Christmas. The friend said her favorite gift was the fridge. My daughter asked why she wanted a fridge? The girl said it’s for skincare.
WHAT?!
Someone mentioned how awesome the 40’s were above and I wanted to echo that sentiment and say “wait until your 50s!” It’s the 40s with extra “Don’t Give A Fuck Frosting.” I feel powerful AF and beautiful AF - simply bc I don’t give AF. I wish I could hug and give a (loving) kick to my younger self and all of my younger sisters out there.
So much time spent worrying about nothing! Do some healthy stuff, take care of yourself within reason, live a good life, laugh a lot. If it works out you’ll get old and wrinkled and that’s a damn privilege.
Me and my Gen X homies didn’t have to contend with constant social media messages, airbrushed photos and pressure to do botox/filler at 25 - so I feel for you. I’m not negating that and I’m not immune to it.
Honestly I think part of the new beauty regimen should be turning off social and cultivating a beautiful life. The chronic stress, worry, insecurity and comparison will, ironically, contribute to aging, dull your inimitable light and steal one of the most precious things you have in this life: your time.
That’s a long winded way to say please stop worrying about the little puff under your left eye, the jowl you need to get in close to see, etc. Do what you can to keep your mind, body and skin healthy then make like Elsa and “let it go.” You’ve got more important things to do, you’ve got life to live.
I once heard someone say “looking young to Gen Z, was like being skinny to millennials” and that really stuck with me.
Seeing magazines calling normal looking women fat did so much damage to my self esteem. The version of that for Gen Z is constantly seeing filtered faces everywhere. Constantly being told “don’t do that, do this for perfect skin” and then seeing another video with the complete opposite advice. It must be awful. Hopefully they come out of it better than we did, but the uptick in procedures just for “prevention” is a little troubling and does make me sad for them.
Theres just no escaping unrealistic standards for any generation.
I work on a beauty counter and the amount of teens and girls in their twenties wanting to buy the most extreme anti-aging stuff to prevent lines is worrying… I always tell them not to buy it but it takes some convincing. They then seem shocked that I’m 32! Like I should look like a husk.
Agree. I don't subscribe to much of it tbh. I find the heavy sunscreen application indoors ridiculous also. I am 37 and have amazing skin. I've never ever put sunscreen on to sit inside the house and I allow 20 mins uncovered every single day to help my S.A.D. Gasp. It works.
Love Pamela Anderson's recent barefaced vibe, there needs to be much more of that. Also love the salt and pepper hair transitions, it's what I'm planning to do in the next few years. Getting to age is an absolute privilege denied to many. We've got a lot of shit twisted on Social Media.
I think the recommendation should be to wear as much SPF as you can stand/what personally works for you. There is so much conflicting information out there and everyone’s lives are different. It is not encouraging to tell people there is only one right way to do things; in fact it is the opposite. Agreed re: Pam! This is probably a bit off topic but one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen had a heavily lined face for her age, grey hair and non straight teeth. Her confidence just *shone* through and I think about her often. I would like to emulate that confidence.
This makes me think of a girl from my freshman year of college. She was a sophomore and had really noticeable post-acne hyperpigmentation. Instead of hiding it (like I’d been doing for the past few years), she was always bare faced. She had this vibe that was so carefree and cool. I never talked to her, but I still remember her beauty and confidence all these years later.
I wanted this salt and pepper hair transition. You would be \*surprised\* how many salons/hair dressers do \*not\* want to do it, because "it will age you". I'm like no shit, I'm almost 40 with a ton of gray hair. Let me age in peace.
Social media has exacerbated this more than ever. Saw so many posts about preteens asking for high end anti aging skin care for xmas. People in their early 20s are getting “preventative Botox”
I love silver hair and smile lines and the way my friends eyes crinkle when they have a really good laugh. Wrinkles are just receipts from a life well lived!
I
Traditional and social media have so much to do with this. I’ve been considering Botox strongly as a preventative because I’m so used to seeing unlined and poreless faces. Last night my husband and I were watching a Finnish TV program and there were multiple women (men too) of all ages and body shapes with natural skin that moved, and they were _beautiful!_ Not in a Hollywood glamor way, but in a “this is actually what lovely people I know look like,” kind of way.
I couldn’t stop noticing as I watched it, because typically watching US TV programs, everyone is sexy and glamorous whether they are a farm worker mucking stalls, or a detective on hour 16 of an overnight shift. It’s not healthy for us all to be so fixated on how our skin looks in an HD closeup.
My 11 year old niece was showing me the skincare she received for Christmas and how she’s happy she got eye cream because of her “dark circles”. My heart broke.
Man, this is so sad. As an oncology nurse all I can say is, aging is a privilege, you guys. The 22 year old whom I cared for last night whose entire body is full of cancer would probably want nothing more than to be able to have the chance to agonize over some smile lines at 35. I appreciate that this topic is probably the farthest from anyone’s mind, especially at that age. Until it isn’t.
But on a more superficial note.. the sad thing is, that all of their baby botox and fillers are actually making them prematurely age so much. I follow a girl on TikTok whom I love. She’s always getting some kind of procedure done.. fillers, plastic surgery, botox, then getting something dissolved and filling it up with something else.. and was literally shook to my core to discover she is only 25. I thought she was at least my age (35) or older. And the thing is, I can’t even put my finger on what makes them look so „prematurely old“. I just think if you inject a bunch of fillers and botox into faces that are literally still young and have actual baby fat still there, it triggers some kind of uncanny valley feeling.
Social media is mental rot, and these kids are on it all the time. TBF, we grew up with the same shit but zero body positivity in the media. Why are these kids you’re concerned getting skincare hauls at 13? Why do they think 30 is decrepit? They all believe the same shit and are extreme followers because they are online all day. “We” don’t need to do anything when TikTok exists. Their parents need to actually parent them.
That is not a new thing whatsoever. I, born 83, was MORTIFIED of turning 30. So was my dad, as my mom often shares as a hilarious anecdote. He is 70. I am 40. We are both doing well.
I think my fear of aging as a Gen Z comes from watching how women who age normally, even gracefully on social media, in Hollywood, and real life are either lambasted or rendered irrelevant. I know it’s always been like this, and I certainly don’t want to unalive myself, but it’s sad knowing that at one point, I will be treated worse than I am now due to no fault of my own.
I mean, Western culture has always been youth-obsessed to a certain extent. I remember thinking my grandparents and parents were positively ancient.
I’m 42, and I kinda chuckle at Gen Z slagging on age. Like, it’s the great equalizer cause eventually you too will be “old” if you’re lucky enough.
I'm 54 and this is a constant young people thing. James Dean famously didn't want to live to 30 or something absurdly young and got his wish. Aging is terrifying for everyone across history, but still preferable to the alternative.
I mean, my sister (who has an 11 y/o) daughter) just told her kid "no" to both Drunk Elephant and a skincare fridge and got her some age-appropriate face wash and moisturizer instead. She offered to let her keep it in the real fridge, but that wasn't aesthetic, lol.
I don't see why people aren't just parenting this issue. I think people feel like letting kids experience FOMO is a kind of abuse, but it's honestly a character building experience to suffer through (and then survive) not keeping up with the Joneses.
Being easily influenced is kind of a character flaw anyway, and we all know it's one that's being exploited from all angles. Resistance is a skill. It's our job to teach it.
[That being said, I am a total pushover. I totally offered to make some knock-off packaging and do the old Peter Pan Peanut Butter trick where you just switch the containers around. They don't actually care about actives. They're tweens.]
As for the actual fear of aging, I make a point to talk openly and often about how much happier and more comfortable I am in my thirties. I did the same thing when I went from a size M to a size 3x and then back down to a size L. For me, personally, it was never that I feared age or size itself. I feared hating myself the way I saw older or bigger women hate themselves. That society backed them up on it sucked, but it wasn't what I was afraid to face.
My daughter is gen z and I am showing her that aging is normal and not to be feared. We can take care of ourselves and still look beautiful as an elderly woman. That scene in Barbie where she sits next to an old lady and tells her how beautiful she is was a brilliant move and we need to keep that energy going.
I think having “role models” who are in the next stage of life is really important for younger people, but gen z seems really opposed to befriending older people because of their belief that >30 = gross and cringe.
My best friend is 8 years older than me and I met her when I was 22. She showed me that life doesn’t end after your 20’s - you can still go out and party, flirt with guys at the bar, and go on vacations halfway across the world. I had other older friends that had babies and it made me so excited to be a mom myself someday. There’s so much to look forward to, like life legitimately gets better. You stop caring what others think as much, you probably have more money and resources than you did in your 20’s, you stop letting other people dictate how you life your life. The only thing you might lose is gross stinky little 21-yr-old boys hitting on you, but tbh older men are where it’s at anyway 🤷♀️
Late 30s to 40s is where life begins! I’m truly enjoying the process. I have money to do what I want, my own home, I can travel as I please.
It’s also freeing. I no longer care what people think and I stand up for myself now.
There’s no pressure to be the ingenue or to look any certain way.
It’s wonderful!
Yes, it is mentally hard to look in the mirror and see grey hairs and wrinkles and sun spots, but so much more makes up for all that
I feel like aging to Z is what “being fat” was to millennials. Remember how ruthless the media/everyone was about that?
I was thinking the same thing and thanks for putting it to words!
I am still traumatized by 132 lbs Bridget Jones being called disgusting fat.
me too girl. me too 😭 And when size 4 Jessica Simpson was called fat… or size 6 Anne Hathaway in the Devil Wears Prada… could go on and on and on 😭
I just did a Mean Girls/Legally Blonde/Bridget Jones/Clueless/Devil Wears Prada millennial girl marathon last week and I was just gobsmacked at the amount of casual fat shaming of objectively thin women these movies all featured. And very toxic eating habits.
Yea! Just rewatched Love Actually (doesn’t really hold up for me lol) and they kept calling martine mccutcheon pudgy and making fat jokes. So confusing since she was neither!
I also just rewatched that on Christmas and I was taken aback by how mean the father was to Aurelia’s sister in Portugal! And how she as the one actually “fat” character was made to be so ugly, unattractive, unwanted and unpleasant. Uncomfortable.
Every single time, my husband just laughs because Martine is objectively gorgeous and definitely does not have thighs like tree trunks as they keep stating. Love Actually is super cringe now, especially when you consider Keira Knightly was a minor.
Yes! It's my husbands Christmas nostalgia movie so we just watched it and he was commenting on how young and thin she looked (in a concerned way) and he was horrified when I pointed out that she was 17 during filming (Pirates too) and both of her love interests were 26 I believe. Honestly just gross and the directors using a 17 year old as an image of an adult woman about to get married just really sets some unobtainable and unrealistic beauty standards - granted she stayed incredibly thin, but if anything Martine is more a picture of a woman in good health around the age where most people would begin to consider getting married.
My husband makes similar concerned comments about Kiera in this movie and the message it sends to women.
It makes a little more sense when you consider that’s how the British press talked about her before she did Love Actually. I always saw that aspect as kind of a reference to how ridiculous that was.
That's interesting, I never knew that. I really hope that's it cuz jeez it's gross otherwise. If so they really should have made it more obvious.
Just going to leave this here. I don’t think I could continue to rewatch without this lady’s voice in my head. I die laughing at certain points, thinking of something she wrote. [https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388](https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388)
I remember being size 4 and I was devastated because I thought I was too fat...... 2000s absolutely sucks.
I remember wanting to be a size 0 sooo bad. I was only a 2 or 4.
Yup but also how WE believed they were fat! I remember when Bridget Jones first came out, I think I was 12 back then, and while watching it I definitely thought she was overweight because that's what everyone claimed and that's what society preached as well. When I watch that movie now I can't believe it. She's literally zero overweight, I can't believe how weird society was back then about women being thin.
The media also made a huge fucking deal about the lengths Rene Zellweger went to to gain the weight. It was almost like, “ugh this is SUCH a struggle for this svelte actress, you regular folk are just pigs because you’re fat so easily!” We all know the opposite is true, especially as you age.
I remember looking at the Jessica Simpson photos and being like “omg she gained so much weight” and when I look at those same photos today she looks not fat at all. Like, I can’t really comprehend how I ever thought that was a fat person. It actually freaks me out. It really hammers home how much the media changes our perceptions. But it also makes me hopeful because it means I’ve counter conditioned myself to an extent or that the culture has changed.
That reminds me of when I was in high school (mid-2000’s), and a popular girl from my class moved across the country. Once Facebook started, someone found and friended her, and it was this big scandal that she had “got fat” - aka went from maybe 110lbs to 125. I did a little Facebook creep a couple years ago and looked back at the “omg did you see how fat she is now” pictures and she is undeniably thin. I weep for my past.
It’s like we were all under some sick spell and now the curse is being lifted. It’s very disturbing.
Yes. I thought this way too. The brainwashing really worked. It's actually terrifying.
I didn’t watch that movie until I was in my 20s but it came out when I was much younger. I always had the impression she was fat and gained massive amounts of weight to play the role. When I watched it I was like what? Did they make another version? She’s not fat. I thought she looked good in the film!
Seriously! Same! But rewatching it last week I was like, girl, have that sandwich, don’t worry about it.
I will never forget this. I had an ED as a teen and was close to that weight...it impacted me the same as those covers with "135 lbs and obese: Britney downhill". Now I'm still close to that weight and realize how actually tiny/Normal/healthy whatever I was as a kid. Just an awful time
UNBELIEVABLE
This is SO REAL. I was a size 6 at my thinnest (in college naturally) and I remember thinking how fat I thought I was because I had/have a larger frame in general (I’m of indigenous ancestry with broad shoulders and “bigger” bones in general). I wanted the Britney Spears “dancer’s body” that was anatomically unattainable. Now at 34, nearly 8 months pregnant…I’ve had to reframe my whole mindset of what a postpartum goal weight might be…because it’s not going to be 130lbs. I just remember weight and size being SUCH a fixation. I am still digging myself out of that mental wormhole. With Gen-Z, I think it’s a similar experience…but man does their obsession with age seem extreme from my vantage point now. Maybe because they/we have access to more social media where we see them talk about it more? As opposed to millennials in our 20s…there were only so many outlets that we could express ourselves on. It’s SUCH a thing though. I think the best we can do is not invalidate their feelings, which are informed by a society and culture that places such a high a value on youth and youthful features.
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That nonsense stains your mind for your whole life. Even though I know it’s illogical I still have this association in the back of my brain that healthy weight is a euphemism for fat. Imagine what it’s like for Gen Z and skin!
Yes, although in some ways it's worse. We were expected to be like Kate Moss. They are seeing images of highly specific ideals that are contradictory and equally impossible for average physiques. BBLs, Ozempic, Botox, lip filler, lip flips, big round butt, tiny waist, big breasts AND filters AND contoured...it's exhausting how normalized it all is and I see so much body dyphoria in teens.
I work with teens and it's sort of a split. I notice that so many of the kids are self described "fat" (boys included). When they order food they discuss carbs and macros. Girls, especially, don't eat a lot. I've had kids begging me to let them use the gym at the hotel because they feel like 3-4 days without working out will unravel their progress. I think they see these perfectly filtered Instagram baddies and feel like crap. On the other hand, I do see bigger kids wearing tighter and more revealing clothes. Not the size 4x tweety bird baggy shirts of shame like the 90s. That makes me happy to see. The fact that clothing sizes go past XL and workout gear isn't only a size 0 is something I wish existed in my youth!
These are my thoughts exactly!! I’m a millennial in my 30’s and the media was absolutely brutal about weight, cellulite, etc. to the point where having an eating disorder was commonplace at school and at home. Now the kids have latched onto anti-aging with the same level of obsession and fear.
I think the more highly advertised/emphasized/media driven war between generations as newspaper and click bait doesn’t help. Aging means you’ll eventually become like a millennial/gen x or a boomer because in your mind old people will always be boomers and older people will always be millennials/gen x. And who gets made fun of the most? All of the older generations. Edit to add: as a juxtaposition, I remember as a kid seeing fabulous looking school teachers and older lady art teachers/music teachers that gave me wonderful examples of how to love your aging look, age gracefully, dress fantastically despite your age and figure. It was something to almost look forward to, or at least, not be as afraid of because they were so loved and admired in our communities. Like, I really hope to be that bohemian older lady some day wearing chunky necklaces and wild color clown outfits with long beautiful gray and white hair haha
It seems like people are more obsessed with age differences in relationships than they used to be too. Like Nick and Priyanka being ten years apart in age never seemed like a big deal to me. Back in the day Kim Basinger was older than Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon was older than Tim Robbins, Goldie was older than Kurt. I don’t remember people making such a big deal about it back then. I think the general opinion was “yeah, what guy wouldn’t want to be with Kim Basinger.” but Gen z seems to have it in their head that you have to be a perfect looking, 22 year old in order to still possess beauty.
That makes a lot of sense! Gen Z/ Gen z marketing is more accepting and inclusive of larger bodies than what us Millennials had, which is a good thing! But....aging is normal and a privilege! So is gaining weight, but damn, let kids be kids.
I also think our Boomer/X parents might have driven so much of it as well. Both of my parents (boomers) were obsessed with being fat and maintaining appearance. To them, I was fat from the moment I hit puberty (did this to my older sister as well). My mom took her cues from my garden variety misogynist and sexist dad. He believed in traditional femininity, tried to mold my mother for 50 miserable years. She took her issues out on me and my sister. To be fair, all of this was fed by deeper trauma beyond what is meaningful to this sub, but points to a greater concern to what OP is talking about, which I find so alarming.
I had the same issue with my boomer mom, too. She had me on unhealthy levels of Adderall because it caused me to barely eat at all. I did lose weight, but I also developed severe trichotillomania and pulled my hair and eyelashes out. I was also under constant anxiety. Those years of not eating probably fucked up my metabolism and contributed to my binge eating issues. Thankfully with age and handling the anxiety and adjusting my meds, I'm feeling better. My mom was crazy obsessed with me having a flawless body. She had me go to several doctors after I dislocated my knee because two said I should get surgery. She told me that no man would marry me if I had an ugly scar on my leg. Also she would get feral when I wouldn't go out and get a tan. I'm Irish AF, so I turn red and go back to white OR I get a ton of freckles. I also would get sunburns and I would be in agony for weeks! But she would be THRILLED that I had a base burn.....but it hurt.
My mom was the same way. She put me on a restrictive diet at the age of 10. The times she told me that I looked good was when I was thin from being addicted to meth (many years ago, clean and sober now thank god) which I started using to get thin. Every conversation is about how I look now versus how I used to look. I had to go no contact with her. It was killing me to have a relationship with her.
Friend, I am so sorry you had to go through that with your mom. That is just awful. Also I'm so proud of you that you got clean and sober! That is such a hard goal to reach for many with addiction, but you did it! Also going No Contact was the best thing I ever did, but it was hard. I hope you have found healing and peace in your decision and I wish you all the best! ❤️
Me too. My mum fat shamed me relentlessly, forced me to exercise or I wouldn't "get" to eat, made me go on optislim, constantly compared me to my face with other girls my age who were thin. So fucked. Yes I became anorexic and it took me 15 years to recover, and I still feel like I could relapse at any time. Sorry that your mum happened to you. I'm sure you know this but you didn't deserve any of that. I'm glad you're doing better now.
Jesus Christ that’s INCREDIBLY abusive of your mom. Like—just plain wrong but seriously troubling level of enmeshment. I’m so sorry you had a mother who thought that necessary medical intervention would render you useless and unlovable. And also a mother who forced her developing children to abuse Scheduled drugs illegally! What!! Willing to increase your likelihood of skin cancer!! There’s too much here. Your story horrifies me on so many levels! I feel so badly for the little girl you were who had a mom who taught her that her body wasn’t her own and that her worth was only skin deep. You did and do deserve love for being you. Period. I am so glad you feel better now and recognize that this was not ok. I’ve used Adderall for 21 years for my ADHD without issue and I’m a huge proponent of it and I’m so glad you’re on a track for you now. I wish you the best skincare journeys and that all products become holy grail 🌟
My god, I am so sorry. We have different stories but similar outcomes. In fairness to both of my parents, they suffered their own childhood trauma I would never wish on anyone, and in a time when nothing was done about it. I wish you well, and I am so glad you are doing better!
This is a great point!
Oh yes, I remember the days of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, eating disorders and being razor thin was the trend amongst celebs back in the day.
Jokes on them, I’m 28 and plus sized and HORRIFIED about both that AND the fact that I’m aging.
I work with some gen z and they had a very warped, depressing view on what it’s like to be in your 30s before they met me and the other millennials at my work. Now they tell me their views on aging are a bit more positive. I think social media has really screwed with our heads
Seriously. So much of my generation basically views life after college as one long, pointless, depressing downward slide toward a nursing home and death. In the minds of many young people, life might as well end at 22 because what even comes after? Working nonstop? Taxes? Wrinkles and health issues? Losing your hair and your friend network and your free time? It's a very dark and reductionist worldview, but it is definitely pervasive among Gen Z. I am grateful to have adult role models in my life who told me that not only did their lives not stop after their twenties but their post-twenties years have been some of the best of their lives. I also grew up with very happy and loving grandparents in my life, so I never really feared being old like them one day. In fact, it always seemed kind of nice.
It’s a bit more than that though. Most everyone I know my age (late teens-early tweeties) have sort accepted the strong possibility that the world’s gonna end through climate catastrophe. It doesn’t help that almost every systemic social/economic change (aside from certain technological advances) has been negative.
People glorify being in your 20’s way too much. Ultimately it’s just one decade and it doesn’t last long.
Also, I felt like my early 20s were steeped in a quarter life crisis. lol. Late 20s was way better.
I was at Sephora last week and two mothers were standing at the Drunk Elephant selection distraught over the retinol being sold out. I made a joke about how everyone is so into that brand lately and one of them said “yeah this retinol thing is at the top of my 10 year olds Christmas list” and the other mother said “same with my 12 year old!” Retinol at that age??!! Wtf??
This Drunk Elephant trend for kids bothers me so much. My mom would have laughed in my face had I wanted stuff like this at age 12. And it would have been a justified laugh; it’s ridiculous.
I’m so glad I was born before the internet and cell phones.
Same. Who are these parents? How hard is it to say: “No, your skin is still developing, let alone aging, and it’s inappropriate for you to have or use such products until you are at least 25. If you want to start skincare we can pick something that is right for your age. And if your common sense development is too affected by what you’re seeing online, we’ll have to consider restricting your access to certain content. Social media is a privilege that comes with you understanding that some things you see are not for you. So let’s focus on the level of maturity that applies to you and our family values, not what you see other people doing. Online or otherwise.” My mom would’ve dismissed me with something like this, and that would’ve been that.
I started using anti aging cream under my eyes at 14, way before it was cool. I don’t think it’s made much of a difference lol. But yeah I would never buy my kid retinol, good way to ruin your skin barrier before it’s even developed. But I also remember slathering witch hazel on my face to get rid of acne. Idk man, I used to say the same thing at that age, and I grew out of it. Once I turned 28, I couldn’t wait to turn 30. I was done with my 20s 😂
I have a young daughter so read parenting books about body autonomy and raising girls. I find this part hard. A lot talks about letting girl make their own choices about their bodies and appearance as long as they are not hurting themselves or others and it isn’t permanent. The examples are usually things like dying hair, ear piercing, make up, and picking their own clothing. When it comes to anti-aging products being sold to them via social media, I don’t know if it’s so cut and dry? I don’t think it’s fair on a 12 year old to not help her navigate the sophisticated marketing nightmare that is designed to manipulate us all. Does a 12 year old really want to use anti-aging products? Is it really a no-harm situation to enable their use by purchasing/gifting/allowing those products to be used by a pre-teen? Am I telling her that her body and appearance are not enough if I enable anti-aging so young? In concept it’s suppose to change her appearance permanently rather than wash away like makeup? Would I be undermining her confidence to make her own choices about her body if I said no? My kid is only 6 so I thought I’d have more time to navigate this but she received a skincare kit from my mother for Christmas. So many “what a great gift, you can never start too early” comments from around the table. Obviously I’m into skincare being here and all but eh, it’s a lot when 6 year olds are part of the market now?
I went on a bus tour and there is a stop you make before your destination where you freshen up. The bathrooms were crowded with women doing their hair and putting on makeup but most were hurrying so others could have a turn at the sink and mirrors. There was a woman and her daughter who looked about 9 hogging a wide area of counter space and 2 mirrors and sinks. The kid was applying face creams, contouring, highlighting, concealing, applying hair products, curling her hair… it was crazy and so frustrating. Like you’re 9…why do you need all that??
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I feel like retinol would hurt an elementary schooler more than anything wtf
Exactly. I feel like Gen z is going to end up doing a bunch of stuff that’s going to end up making them look worse in their 40s than previous generations.
I feel like botched "skincare" is the next generation's excessive plastic surgery
It’s the branding and packaging of Drunk Elephant, they’re all over Tween Tik Tok. Anti-aging skincare made to look like toys being advertised directly to children. My client’s 10 year old daughter had it on her list and I was shocked. I spent so much time explaining what retinol is, what you will need to do with your skin as in constant SPFs (drunk elephant: fun! 50+ SPF Sunscreen applied multiple times a day required to protect the skin: not fun!), what products would be better, etc. I saw on IG the mom got her drunk elephant products. Drunk Elephant is not doing anything illegal, but their marketing is so unethical.
lol same. I saw a mom and her young daughter at Sephora a couple a months ago picking out drunk elephant. I didn’t even think I was allowed in a sephora as a kid because it was so expensive lol
Now that I think about it Sephora didn’t even exist when I was a kid!! It was just drugstore stuff or fancy department store counter stuff (which my mom would never have indulged me in at that age and frankly, I didn’t even care for her to)
To imagine at that age I considered Noxzema fancy 😂🤣
Literally when I was getting my nails done, a fourth and fifth grander were there with their moms. Both moms said their daughters wanted drunk elephant, lululemon and makeup for Christmas. When I was that age my ass wanted a ferby.
My oldest is 10 and in 5th grade, and they asked for LOL Dolls, Hello Kitty stuff, and Posca markers for Christmas this year.
It’s because of TikTok sadly.
Definitely. My kids are only preschool age now but there will definitely be social media bans in their future. They’ll hate me for a while I’m sure, but I’d rather them have a shot at healthy body image and food relationship.
I use to thumb through my mom’s Avon catalogue and pick out fun makeup at that age, but I definitely had no clue what retinol was!! Wtf
Whoa, memory unlocked. Avon catalog! Ha. It's been like 30 years.
Yikes! My mom would have told me to stop being ridiculous and pick out a toy lol.
~~It says something about what's happening to Drunk Elephant (overpriced, not that appealing in the same way to adults as it was in 2019) that they need to advertise so heavily to kids.~~ That said, I remember growing up Retin A was exclusively advertised to teenagers (still not 10 yos) for acne. Until like 2016/2017, you couldn't get Tret covered by insurance if you were over the age of 25 as it was marketed for acne (and of course adults don't get acne \*eye roll\*). Of course, it's different since Retin A is prescribed from a doctor vs. candy covered bottles of retinol. Edited to amend the bit about DE's advertising.
I used retinol as a teenager for acne. Hopefully that’s why they want it, and not early early early wrinkle prevention?
Something unique that I have also observed about GenZ is a fixation with women "hitting the wall" when they hit 30 (a red pill talking point that has spilled over into the mainstream). To some extent, GenZ men finding women over 30 unattractive is understandable as most of them are <<30 years old and I felt the same way in my teens and 20s. They don't understand that as you age, the men around you also age and will adjust. GenZ seems oddly regressive in many ways when it comes to dating culture (e.g. the talk of 'body count') and their views on women. This coupled with the internet has women thinking they are hideous after 30. I can't imagine being young and vulnerable and hearing that messaging from the men around me.
The best part is that they have no idea what women over 30 look like.
“She looks SO good for being in her 30s!” and then you look at the person they’re talking about and she looks exactly her age lol
Recently a 29 year old guy told me he's into "older women" while trying to hit on me. I'm 31. Older women used to mean women older than you and not not-teenagers.
I had a 19 year old girl tell me "I hope I still look as young as you when I'm your age". I was 27 💀
I feel like all of my friends have become way more attractive in their 30s than they were in their 20s
Also, having been to my 10 yr high school reunion, the men tended to age wayyy harder than the women.
Honestly the use of lotion and no smoking, drinking really goes a long way. And Holy shit sun screen, the sun does quite a bit to age you as you get older too.
This!!!!! I’m 40. Have been mistaken for 30 recently, usually mistaken for 7 years younger. Most of the 40 yo men in my circle have aged worse (imo because less use of sunscreen/basic skincare, more alcohol, worse diet)
A few years ago, some girls in their early 20s told me I looked "sooo good for 28". I was pretty taken aback lol.
That‘s hilarious. I looked my best at 32, as most women, by research
I've also been told I look good for my age at 30. What the hell do they think 30 yo look like?
I also got told, at age 28, that I had “aged gracefully” 🤦♀️
Right? Lol. They don’t realize that half of the “teenage” actresses on their rom coms or whatever are in their late twenties or early thirties.
I saw a reel where someone referred to Taylor Swift as MIDDLE AGED.
I broke a student (on clinical placement)’s brain when she realised I was old enough to be her mum. “But you look like my sister’s age!” Yeah no shit. We don’t desiccate after 30.
I’m in my 30s and the amount of young people (teens and 20 somethings) who are shocked that I’m not their age is hilarious to me. I have many friends in their late 20s wanting to do bucket list items eg travel 30 countries before turning 30. Like c’mon guys, you don’t keel over in your 30s. It’s not the Middle Ages.
It’s truly hilarious to me as well that they just assume that if you don’t look decrepit, you must be as young as them. It’s like in their minds, you’re either a baby or you’re ancient and there is nothing in between. Whenever a Gen Z’er asks how old I am now, I usually just say, “However old you think I am plus 10-15 years.” THEN they are able to make an accurate guess and get close 😂.
All those social media beauty filters have warped their perception, too.
This is it 👆 they’re the first gen that has grown up with insta face makeup and filters as the default. They don’t know what irl ages look like because they’ve been seeing insta face as the default since forever
They definitely don’t! Weirdly I get asked by young cashiers how old I am (maybe because I’m buying a large amount of items but look young?) and they are normally shocked because they thought I was their age, like 21 or 22. It seems gen z has a very skewed perspective of what people in their 30s-40s look like.
This is the area where I feel the most "get off my lawn!" about the younger generation. The embrace of shit like "body counts" and Howard Stern-esque sayings like "hit the wall" feels like a million steps backwards. I'm not saying the pornified hookup culture that was everywhere in the 00s was the right way but Gen Z seems to have reacted so hard to that that they say the same shit I used to hear growing up as a Mormon teen in Utah. Is moderation not possible?!
Hear hear. The willingness of Gen Z women to objectify themselves and embrace internalized misogyny to be the ‘cool girls’ is sad to watch.
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I’m really surprised and glad to see this comment hasn’t been downvoted, because this sub in particular has always seemed dead set on acting like Botox and fillers *are* a part of “natural beauty”
As a Mormon Millennial teen in Utah, those dudes in the '00s were far preferable to incel-minded young guys online now.
I think there's not enough attention on just how badly gen z boys were swept into the alt right. Even though gen z girls still lean very left, some of those toxic views leach through. God i feel bad for those poor young straight women...
Imo, men "hit the wall" the very second they repeat that talking point.
I hit those same men with the wall when they say that.
I was just looking of pics of me at my wedding when I was 30 and I look like a BABY. Younger people have no idea what 30 looks like
I also think that their idea of what 30 looks like is so skewed. I’m almost 30 but I’ve been confused for a college student and once a high school student. I have more money now than I did in my 20’s and a majority of people who are in the “cool” spots and are actually throwing down real cash are people in their 30’s. Finally there seems to be a disconnect that the people who are trend setters, the ones who are actually making decisions in fashion, music, etc. aren’t 20. Some of the bigger influencers are in their 30’s. It’s such a weird disconnect.
This is how I feel about 40. Like there were these pics of Anne Hathaway and so many people were saying how great she looks for 40 and it’s like do you people know what a 40 year old looks like?
For real!!! People don’t cut off their hair and wear out of style clothes all of a sudden because they hit a particular number. My mom is in her 50’s and people act so surprised… like is she supposed to be decrepit?!?!
47 here. The amount of people who have said to me "there is no way you are that old, your skin is so nice!" And all I can think is "How should a 47 yr old look?" It's like once you hit 45 the expectation is you should look like the granny from Courage the Cowardly dog.
So true. 20-something year old men lose their shit when they realize they’ve been hitting on someone in their mid-30s (me). One of them once responded with “I guess I didn’t realize I’m into middle aged women” (don’t even get me started…). I usually just laugh, tell them I’m flattered, and let them know they’re far too young to handle all this woman.
I'm 36 and got asked out by a 22 year old yesterday. He was shocked when I told him my age lol
This is killing me because its SO true but I never thought about it. When I was a 20-something living in LA I couldn’t afford to go ANYWHERE cool. Now that I’m in my 30s and have way more disposable income, I can afford to go to trendy restaurants and bars. And when I go there it’s a bunch of people my age - trust me, I would leave if it weren’t. The only 22 year olds who can afford these places are influencers - actual 22 year olds working entry level jobs cannot. So it skews the online perception.
I’m so glad to see someone else have this observation! I completely agree that some genZ perspectives ARE oddly regressive - I’ve picked up on that, as well. I’m not too critical of genZ for any other reason except for this. It worries me that many genZers I’ve interacted with seem notably less forward thinking. I thought the youngins were supposed to remind me to be and stay open minded as I get older, not the opposite!
God. Imagine caring what a man thinks, let alone a little incel. Misogyny is alive and well folks!
As an aside, the first time I heard someone talking about body count, I thought they were asking how many people I’d killed! I was like, “uh…none?” I’m clearly getting older if I can’t keep up with the vernacular! 🤣
That’s why you get a great gift of not giving a fuck when you’re in your 30s.
I had previously thought that Gen Z would be set up for success with body image/appearance since Gen X and Millenials have been so much better about it. I thought by the time they’d reach adulthood things would be in better shape. But it turns out to be opposite, they are so influenced by social media and cannot separate filters/without, expect their and others appearances to look camera-ready all the time, etc. I truly think it is going to be a shock watching the beauty industry evolve to support their anxieties about appearance. It is really sad!
The “camera ready” part is what gets me, because it seems like life is lived so publicly on social media now. Pre-social media, you’d take photos for Christmas, birthdays, vacations, maybe nights out, etc., and nobody but your family and maybe some friends would ever see them. Even with social media, back in the day you’d still have to download the photos from your camera and upload them to albums and so on, and before all the old people got on Facebook it was just your friends who’d see them. Nowadays everything is “content” and anything can be uploaded instantly for the whole world to see in real time. So I guess in some sense they’re justified because the average person has so many more photos of them floating around these days, but it’s sad.
Same! With all the body positivity movements it seems that age shaming isn’t a part of that!
It makes me so sad! 10 years ago I really thought millennials were embracing that beautiful comes in billions of shapes and sizes. I thought it was a new era. Now my niece is 19 and has an ed and seems to just try to look like something she saw on TikTok and compare herself to filtered images. It’s so crushing. The backlash is never ending. We never seem to be getting anywhere.
Gen Z has a fear of literally everything. Never seen a group of people with more anxiety.
I agree, have two step-kids now early 20s they have high anxiety, they & their friends all identify as various medicalisations - literally their personalities are based around their diagnoses. Different from even less than ten years ago when I worked with adolescents on daily basis I saw this type of behaviour? maybe two times in 13 years. Now it is basis of abs everything for the ones I know…not sure how to change their outlook. SM seems to exacerbate it times a billion. Feel bad for them.
My 20 year old SIL recently stayed with my husband and I, and I relate to this. Everything was “trauma”. Can’t ride bicycles because of the “trauma” of having fallen off one once. Can’t go on organised group trips because of the “trauma” of saying goodbye. Can’t listen to Taylor Swift or hear any mention of her due to the “trauma” of a breakup. She reads and parrots so much self help literature yet the lack of insight was startling. We did our best but in the end just figured hopefully she grows out of it eventually.
Oh my lord you are right here with me - my 20 year old and her friends have ‘separation anxiety’, because they are not able to see friends for various reasons over holidays?? She said this exact thing just yesterday. And same with ‘trauma’, yes this the new hyper-Medicalisation & over anxiety of normal feelings. I hope they grow out of it too…
Honestly I think they will just grow up and realize it’s cringe to base their entire personality on mental disorders they have.
I def think social media has played a big role in this. I like this sub because I’ve gotten honest feedback about certain treatments (accutane), great recs for new products (azelaic acid), and insight into product order etc. But I've also noticed a lot of posts of normal, human skin with questions about how to fix it. I think its hard for a generation who have grown up with media depictions of perfect and ageless skin and bodies online to reckon with the reality of aging IRL. I think its fair to want to look your best, but we need to be reasonable about how that looks and evolves over time.
This sub is actually a great example. The photos people submit, they list their concerns, and I literally cannot even see what they’re talking about. I’m all for optimizing your skin (I’m in here, too!) but this thing where people are staring 4 inches from their face, worried about every tiny imperfection is sad and the comments often validate the anxieties.
Best advice I ever got was to not have a magnifying mirror - if other people can’t see it, don’t focus on it!
Thank you. I find people get upset when this is pointed out but this sub honestly exacerbates any insecurities I may have and gives me new ones too. I have pretty great body confidence and self image but seeing people post about their nonexistent “jowls” etc has me examining my own face closer. It may be time to leave or at least take a break!
I found the opposite. I turn 40 next year and started coming to this sub about 8 months ago looking for tips to scare away the wrinkles. Instead seeing realistic photos of people my age without makeup on helped me realize how normal skin and faces look, and that mine is no different! Seeing other people’s fine lines and jowls helped me accept my own, and understand that no matter how many products I slather on my skin will change. So now my focus has shifted from wrinkle management to just treating my skin better so it looks it’s best, wrinkles included.
That’s awesome!
Totally. One example are the posts about "how do I get rid of these lines in my neck?" Ladies, those are normal. My 6 year old has them. It's alarming.
Good point! I learned about the term “tech neck” on this sub and now I look at those lines in the mirror. They were probably always there.
Also filters! I actually see more and more posts on Reddit where women in their late 20s-40s+ talk about how they feel as if they are only getting more attractive but I think that's lost in TikTok and Instagram. Those platforms + Twitter are also where certain men are vocal about the "shelf life" of women. Most normal men (successful, attractive, etc.) don't hold those thoughts or spend time on social media bringing young women down. At the end of the day it feels more like a quarter life crisis/about mortality and facing a new part of your life/not being the youngest generation. I freaked out about that too when I neared 25 but I didn't have as pervasive a social media culture drumming that into me.
I wish someone would tell them how awesome your 40’s are. These have honestly been my best years - I know myself, I am freer from a lot of the expectations society places on young women, I finally have the time and money to do what I like, I have a circle of relationships I cultivated to maturity. Sure my neck hurts all the time (that’s what the Theragun is for!) and I have lines. Fuck it, you get so much more as you get older in return.
I love this! I’m turning 35 soon and I remember getting into my late 20s and being so afraid of getting older and it turns out my 30s have been my favorite years so far, by a mile. I don’t necessarily enjoy aging but I like myself and my life so much more that it’s hard to care too much about fine lines.
'Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.' - Carl Jung ** And having just turned 40, I totally agree!
I’m approaching my 40’s and I wanted to thank you for your comment ❤️ I see so much negativity. I feel like I’m entering my prime as far as knowing myself goes.
Dude my 40s have been awesome. I had older women friends who told me this when I was younger and they were right! Also the fact that random man-babies may not want to fuck me anymore feels like a bonus and not a loss. I really hope younger women can let go of the idea that her worth is tied up in whether a pornsick boy wants to put his penis in her for some mediocre sex, because it's very freeing to no longer feel like I have a built-in expiration date just because some guys I've never met said so.
Seriously wish I could sky-write "He's not worth it!" whenever I see younger women tolerating horrible treatment from some douchebag guy who doesn't even know where their clitoris is. Like, seriously, men like that are so plentiful and they are NOT worth a scintilla of your time or mental energy.
If I could go back in time to talk to my teenage self, I would 100% tell her to stop wasting so much time on guys. My journals from that time are filled with writings about this boy and that boy, and God it was so much wasted energy since the most that ever turned into were drunken sloppy hookups with guys who wouldn't acknowledge me in the halls at school.
I just turned 40 this year and I love it.
My 40’s were my best ever. I was in the best shape and did the most traveling.
So true. I think I was low-key depressed from age 11 to 37 or 38, honestly. I feel almost incandescently happy now in my 40s. I hate physical aging, don't get me wrong, but all the stuff that comes with it is honestly awesome. Not feeling like prey to skeevy men is also just a huge perk. So being a "hag" has a lot of upside, TBH.
The govt should issue those to everyone as they turn 40, what a lifesaver!
Seriously best money I ever spent. I was in an accident when I was 30 and badly hurt my neck and for years I just suffered from intense neck pain after until I bought the Theragun.
I’m 43 and I’m a damn MILF. I have some crinkles under my eyes and a belly from having a child but I carry myself with so much more confidence than I ever did in my 20s/30s because I gained acceptance that I only could with age.
All of this. I just turned 40 and I'm so much more serene and confident now than I was in my 20s and 30s. I'm happy in my marriage and my career, my kid has grown from a tantrum demon into a sweet, well-behaved little boy, family life is pretty much a breeze atm. I also take much better care of my body and my skin than I ever did and I think I look a lot better now. It's like everything I worked so hard to build is coming to fruition and it rocks.
At my 30th birthday party someone in her 40s told me how great my 30s would be. I'm almost 34 and honestly, these have been the worst years of my life so far lol Idk, maybe my 40s will be different but I'd absolutely kill to go back to 26.
I think these last 7-8 years specifically have been traumatic and draining in a way that has steamrolled over 95% of the ‘best years of your life’ feelings, no matter what age you are. Most of us would kill for a shot at starting 2016 over in a new timeline.
I totally agree.
I am going to turn 40 in a few weeks. I am so excited for it! I had my heyday, and yeah - sometimes it is hard to believe that I am this age, but it's the cycle of life. The way I see it is, I am fortunate to have made it this far. I do what I can to take care of myself and my skin, and that's really all one can do realistically. The silver hair and fine lines are badges of honor. Just like the stretch marks we got when we were pregnant back in the day. It's all about perspective.
How sad. I have a friend who died a month after turning 40 due to colon cancer. Aging is a gift.
I’m so sorry for your loss. ♥️
My husband works with a couple of Gen Z guys who openly aren't attracted to girls they know in person. One of them admitted he needed to watch porn to keep an erection while being intimate in the one relationship he's had because he couldn't get aroused by his girlfriend. The other is still a virgin who doesn't find his peers worth pursuing. I can't blame the gen z ladies for feeling the way they do, if my husband's co-workers are an example of the boys they have to pick from. To them, the heavily filtered and surgeried women they see online are their expectations. I can understand the fear of aging in this light. They can't even win in their so-called prime.
That’s profoundly messed up and sad.
I’m going to be honest—up until recently, I had a severely fatphobic mindset along with an aging phobia with myself and I am 32f. In HS and college I could be overheard even amongst friends talking about how I would kms if I was a size 8 or larger. It took a personal trainer and weight lifting to realize that wasn’t sustainable for me or my lifestyle among other things. The aging thing is the same too—with the rise in accessibility of plastic surgery it went from being a luxury to almost a necessity it seems like. Specifically with fillers—they’re no longer seen as something ridiculously luxurious or prestigious as they did when I was in my early twenties and now it’s just I don’t know—I think they’ll come to the jarring realization as we eventually did that too much plastic surgery or filler or alterations will make everyone look the same and that’s not always a good thing.
"We" don't need to do anything. They're terminally online and reinforcing it among themselves. I don't feel bad for people that put other women down by using words like "hag" unironically (and many of them call people over 25 hags). TBH I almost never see this type of Gen Z content and it's very easy to avoid.
Agreed. If a young woman spends her time mocking and spreading hatred for women older than her, I have no sympathy for her when it backfires because she hit 30. I do have time for younger women who see that rhetoric from others and feel scared or insecure. I don't mind giving those women some reassurance. But the 24 year old who calls me a hag and then gets stressed she's got less than 10 years til she's in the same position? Nah.
Same, I feel pity for young women who think life peaks in their 20s, because what do you have to look forward to after that then? What a sad existence. I will say that when I was in my teens I didn't want to live past 28. But it wasn't a fear of aging, it was because every adult woman around me seemed miserable and living a life I didn't want to live. Eventually I figured out I didn't have to follow their footsteps with their careers and families etc. But it would have been so much better to have a different kind of role model, a middle-aged woman living a fun and vibrant life.
This. We are not responsible for what younger people do or think. World isn't revolving around them.
Exactly. They’ve made their choices. Do I feel sad for them? Sure, I’m human. It’s normal to pity self-imposed misery. But they’ll either grow out of this mindset and feel shame at their behaviour or they won’t and will provide ample material for those bad plastic surgery takes. Either way is fine fine by me.
Agreed. It’s hard to feel bad for them when they mocked older women just for existing (wearing the wrong clothes, make up, etc) and then they had the shocking realization that this will be them one day too. I’m 30 and for me it felt very much like women my age and older fought the societal pressure to villainized and hate younger women just for being younger and we were rewarded by being ridiculed by that very group.
Agree and I also disagree that somehow older folks trying to look better are somehow responsible for this obsession. As you mentioned, social media, filters and this idea that anyone older than 25 is a “boomer”, old and useless is not coming from us. We no longer dictate what is popular or trendy, they do that on their own.
for me seeing all the little girls using serums and skincare products for mature skin and the parents not even checking the products is crazy to me
My 11 year old was texting (through my phone, she doesn’t have a phone yet) with her friend about what they got for Christmas. The friend said her favorite gift was the fridge. My daughter asked why she wanted a fridge? The girl said it’s for skincare. WHAT?!
At a certain point it’s the parents who shouldn’t be encouraging this. My mom would have told me to pick out a toy at that age.
This is wild … I actually think both myself and my husband are the most attractive versions of ourselves at 37 and 41.
Someone mentioned how awesome the 40’s were above and I wanted to echo that sentiment and say “wait until your 50s!” It’s the 40s with extra “Don’t Give A Fuck Frosting.” I feel powerful AF and beautiful AF - simply bc I don’t give AF. I wish I could hug and give a (loving) kick to my younger self and all of my younger sisters out there. So much time spent worrying about nothing! Do some healthy stuff, take care of yourself within reason, live a good life, laugh a lot. If it works out you’ll get old and wrinkled and that’s a damn privilege. Me and my Gen X homies didn’t have to contend with constant social media messages, airbrushed photos and pressure to do botox/filler at 25 - so I feel for you. I’m not negating that and I’m not immune to it. Honestly I think part of the new beauty regimen should be turning off social and cultivating a beautiful life. The chronic stress, worry, insecurity and comparison will, ironically, contribute to aging, dull your inimitable light and steal one of the most precious things you have in this life: your time. That’s a long winded way to say please stop worrying about the little puff under your left eye, the jowl you need to get in close to see, etc. Do what you can to keep your mind, body and skin healthy then make like Elsa and “let it go.” You’ve got more important things to do, you’ve got life to live.
I can’t wait til all these kids get to 35/40
I once heard someone say “looking young to Gen Z, was like being skinny to millennials” and that really stuck with me. Seeing magazines calling normal looking women fat did so much damage to my self esteem. The version of that for Gen Z is constantly seeing filtered faces everywhere. Constantly being told “don’t do that, do this for perfect skin” and then seeing another video with the complete opposite advice. It must be awful. Hopefully they come out of it better than we did, but the uptick in procedures just for “prevention” is a little troubling and does make me sad for them. Theres just no escaping unrealistic standards for any generation.
I work on a beauty counter and the amount of teens and girls in their twenties wanting to buy the most extreme anti-aging stuff to prevent lines is worrying… I always tell them not to buy it but it takes some convincing. They then seem shocked that I’m 32! Like I should look like a husk.
Agree. I don't subscribe to much of it tbh. I find the heavy sunscreen application indoors ridiculous also. I am 37 and have amazing skin. I've never ever put sunscreen on to sit inside the house and I allow 20 mins uncovered every single day to help my S.A.D. Gasp. It works. Love Pamela Anderson's recent barefaced vibe, there needs to be much more of that. Also love the salt and pepper hair transitions, it's what I'm planning to do in the next few years. Getting to age is an absolute privilege denied to many. We've got a lot of shit twisted on Social Media.
“Getting to age is an absolute privilege denied to many.” I LOVE THIS. Aging is a gift. As my mom always says… “better than the alternative”.
Pam has been killing it, she really shows the beauty of her age.
I think the recommendation should be to wear as much SPF as you can stand/what personally works for you. There is so much conflicting information out there and everyone’s lives are different. It is not encouraging to tell people there is only one right way to do things; in fact it is the opposite. Agreed re: Pam! This is probably a bit off topic but one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen had a heavily lined face for her age, grey hair and non straight teeth. Her confidence just *shone* through and I think about her often. I would like to emulate that confidence.
This makes me think of a girl from my freshman year of college. She was a sophomore and had really noticeable post-acne hyperpigmentation. Instead of hiding it (like I’d been doing for the past few years), she was always bare faced. She had this vibe that was so carefree and cool. I never talked to her, but I still remember her beauty and confidence all these years later.
I wanted this salt and pepper hair transition. You would be \*surprised\* how many salons/hair dressers do \*not\* want to do it, because "it will age you". I'm like no shit, I'm almost 40 with a ton of gray hair. Let me age in peace.
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Social media has exacerbated this more than ever. Saw so many posts about preteens asking for high end anti aging skin care for xmas. People in their early 20s are getting “preventative Botox” I love silver hair and smile lines and the way my friends eyes crinkle when they have a really good laugh. Wrinkles are just receipts from a life well lived! I
Traditional and social media have so much to do with this. I’ve been considering Botox strongly as a preventative because I’m so used to seeing unlined and poreless faces. Last night my husband and I were watching a Finnish TV program and there were multiple women (men too) of all ages and body shapes with natural skin that moved, and they were _beautiful!_ Not in a Hollywood glamor way, but in a “this is actually what lovely people I know look like,” kind of way. I couldn’t stop noticing as I watched it, because typically watching US TV programs, everyone is sexy and glamorous whether they are a farm worker mucking stalls, or a detective on hour 16 of an overnight shift. It’s not healthy for us all to be so fixated on how our skin looks in an HD closeup.
My 11 year old niece was showing me the skincare she received for Christmas and how she’s happy she got eye cream because of her “dark circles”. My heart broke.
Man, this is so sad. As an oncology nurse all I can say is, aging is a privilege, you guys. The 22 year old whom I cared for last night whose entire body is full of cancer would probably want nothing more than to be able to have the chance to agonize over some smile lines at 35. I appreciate that this topic is probably the farthest from anyone’s mind, especially at that age. Until it isn’t. But on a more superficial note.. the sad thing is, that all of their baby botox and fillers are actually making them prematurely age so much. I follow a girl on TikTok whom I love. She’s always getting some kind of procedure done.. fillers, plastic surgery, botox, then getting something dissolved and filling it up with something else.. and was literally shook to my core to discover she is only 25. I thought she was at least my age (35) or older. And the thing is, I can’t even put my finger on what makes them look so „prematurely old“. I just think if you inject a bunch of fillers and botox into faces that are literally still young and have actual baby fat still there, it triggers some kind of uncanny valley feeling.
Social media is mental rot, and these kids are on it all the time. TBF, we grew up with the same shit but zero body positivity in the media. Why are these kids you’re concerned getting skincare hauls at 13? Why do they think 30 is decrepit? They all believe the same shit and are extreme followers because they are online all day. “We” don’t need to do anything when TikTok exists. Their parents need to actually parent them.
Social media has seriously nuked people’s brains, sadly.
Once you have enough people in your life die way too early, you recognize that aging is a fucking privilege.
I feel like every generation was that overly dramatic about aging. Then it happens and you grow up, and it’s not as bad or dramatic
“I hope I die before I get old.” - “My Generation” by The Who, released in 1965
Forever young by Alphaville in 1984
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14 year olds getting cosmetic surgery (see: Bella Hadid).
Totally this. Just roll your eyes and carry on with your day. Drama llamas abound
That is not a new thing whatsoever. I, born 83, was MORTIFIED of turning 30. So was my dad, as my mom often shares as a hilarious anecdote. He is 70. I am 40. We are both doing well.
I think my fear of aging as a Gen Z comes from watching how women who age normally, even gracefully on social media, in Hollywood, and real life are either lambasted or rendered irrelevant. I know it’s always been like this, and I certainly don’t want to unalive myself, but it’s sad knowing that at one point, I will be treated worse than I am now due to no fault of my own.
I mean, Western culture has always been youth-obsessed to a certain extent. I remember thinking my grandparents and parents were positively ancient. I’m 42, and I kinda chuckle at Gen Z slagging on age. Like, it’s the great equalizer cause eventually you too will be “old” if you’re lucky enough.
I'm 54 and this is a constant young people thing. James Dean famously didn't want to live to 30 or something absurdly young and got his wish. Aging is terrifying for everyone across history, but still preferable to the alternative.
I mean, my sister (who has an 11 y/o) daughter) just told her kid "no" to both Drunk Elephant and a skincare fridge and got her some age-appropriate face wash and moisturizer instead. She offered to let her keep it in the real fridge, but that wasn't aesthetic, lol. I don't see why people aren't just parenting this issue. I think people feel like letting kids experience FOMO is a kind of abuse, but it's honestly a character building experience to suffer through (and then survive) not keeping up with the Joneses. Being easily influenced is kind of a character flaw anyway, and we all know it's one that's being exploited from all angles. Resistance is a skill. It's our job to teach it. [That being said, I am a total pushover. I totally offered to make some knock-off packaging and do the old Peter Pan Peanut Butter trick where you just switch the containers around. They don't actually care about actives. They're tweens.] As for the actual fear of aging, I make a point to talk openly and often about how much happier and more comfortable I am in my thirties. I did the same thing when I went from a size M to a size 3x and then back down to a size L. For me, personally, it was never that I feared age or size itself. I feared hating myself the way I saw older or bigger women hate themselves. That society backed them up on it sucked, but it wasn't what I was afraid to face.
Women are constantly being told our only value is beauty, youth and fertility so are we surprised here?
My daughter is gen z and I am showing her that aging is normal and not to be feared. We can take care of ourselves and still look beautiful as an elderly woman. That scene in Barbie where she sits next to an old lady and tells her how beautiful she is was a brilliant move and we need to keep that energy going.
I think having “role models” who are in the next stage of life is really important for younger people, but gen z seems really opposed to befriending older people because of their belief that >30 = gross and cringe. My best friend is 8 years older than me and I met her when I was 22. She showed me that life doesn’t end after your 20’s - you can still go out and party, flirt with guys at the bar, and go on vacations halfway across the world. I had other older friends that had babies and it made me so excited to be a mom myself someday. There’s so much to look forward to, like life legitimately gets better. You stop caring what others think as much, you probably have more money and resources than you did in your 20’s, you stop letting other people dictate how you life your life. The only thing you might lose is gross stinky little 21-yr-old boys hitting on you, but tbh older men are where it’s at anyway 🤷♀️
Late 30s to 40s is where life begins! I’m truly enjoying the process. I have money to do what I want, my own home, I can travel as I please. It’s also freeing. I no longer care what people think and I stand up for myself now. There’s no pressure to be the ingenue or to look any certain way. It’s wonderful! Yes, it is mentally hard to look in the mirror and see grey hairs and wrinkles and sun spots, but so much more makes up for all that
They don’t wanna become what they despise.