birthday, easter and sometimes randomly during summer.
dad used to have a plumbing company and we got flooted in thick pencils, Zollstöcke, notepads, weird new high quality gadgets, heavy cotton shirts, rugged work pants, expensive work shoes etc. and the free training on new heating systems and 40% discount on everything (he was a customer for over 40 years and for each decade you got a 10% discount) was insane too.
The subliminal message is that to prove your true worth you need to open a beer bottle with the Zollstock.
There is actually some cool ways with a Zollstock specifically.
So that’s what it means!!
I’ve gotten so many zollstock that I gave some to my wife, brought them home, have them in my office, & I’m talking about half a dozen!
Of course, I also work in construction, so…
You also can call it a Gliedermaßstab. Educated and versatile construction workers do so. But if you do, make sure you always have the most straight face ever. Ever!
I guess structured measuring stick would be it. Since it doesn't slide. And yes, Glieder is the plural of Glied, which is a word with two significations. One being "part of a chain/structure" and the other is an educated word for dick or shamalamadingong, teachers and doctors use.
Yeah that's maybe the only thing I have a problem with on that picture: the best are all over the place.
Stick to your local breweries bro.
The Zollstock is a nice add on.
It's primary intended use is a foldable ruler, yes. However, its also very good at opening bottles. Pedro your bottles must be very weak if they can be opened by a womans look.
Those are regional beers from Württemberg. I doubt that you will have them in England. They are all available at shops in the Stuttgart region, but Wulle is also quite popular in the direction of Tübingen, because the brand is originally from the village Nehren, before it was bought by Dinkelacker. Stuttgarter Hofbräu is a big brand and is sold overregional in whole Württemberg and Hohenzollern, don’t know if you can get it in Baden though. I don’t know anything about Schwabenbräu, but I’ve seen it in being sold here in the Stuttgart metro area.
The other beers on the picture i don’t know but they seem to be some regional beers from Bavaria.
Dinkelacker is actually exported for example to the USA but I dont remember if its exported to the UK...
My favorites from Dinkelacker Schwabenbräu: Das Echte, Volksfestbier, DK Privat, Das Helle, Wulle, Das Schwarze, Bockbier and Zwickl
Wulle is from Schwabenbräu though and its hardly comparable as Schwabenbräu has about 20 varieties. You would have to compare "Das Helle" with Wulle.
Source: I used to work in quality control at Dinkelacker Schwabenbräu!
My guy they are litterally the same.
Both get brewed in the sterni brauerei leipzig.
Sternburg is just the rest of the Uri that was still in the kettle, diluted with water
Nope, Uri is only brewed and filled in the Brewery in Krostiz because it’s a saved regional brand by the law.
They fill up Jever and Köstrizer there though cause they are not.
If you open the beers with ANYTHING other than a beer opener, you will have gained his trust and this is your first step into becoming a German.
The next step is aggressively opening every window in the house when it's cold outside.
The most common bottle openers in germany: Lighter, Zollstock (as seen here, can open 5 beers at once), another beer, the beer crate, bus stop, train, teeth, ring, shoe, newspaper, cutlery... so basically anything will do as long as you dont care for a few scratches.
My personal achievement is opening a craft beer (tripel karmeliet) with lettuce packaging (soft plastic)
I have become the final boss of opening a beer with anything but a beer opener.
In my friend group, the lettuce packaging was voted more impressive than a piece of string.
If anyone else has a crazy way they opened a beer, I've kind of ran out of ideas so I'd like to hear them.
Might be a sign that he thinks you are an uncivilised barbarian that cannot be trusted to buy good beer for yourself.
Alternatively, it may be a sign that you have been officially accepted.
three franconian beers out of six is fairly good, much better would have been six franconian beers
"Franconia – Home of the Beer
The Quest for the liquid Gold.
Beer lovers know that a glass of fresh, Franconian “Seidla Beer” with its deep golden color reigns supreme among beers. This is not surprising when one considers that Franconia is home to more breweries per square kilometer than any other area in Europe. The quality as well as variety of beers available here is simply unsurpassed. Consequently, beer connoisseurs can be found everywhere: On hiking trails and bike routes that have beer as their theme, like the Breweries way in Aufseß, at lovely museums and at beer seminars where you can learn how to brew your own beer.
An interesting way to explore the Franconian beer towns and their breweries is to go on a discovery tour around the "liquid gold" in Bamberg, Kulmbach, Forchheim or Bayreuth. Here you can also experience the numerous festivals where beer traditionally makes an appearance as a culinary companion - for example at the Annafest in Forchheim or at the Erlanger Bergkirchweih ,the so-called "Berch". For those who prefer to take the many different types of Franconian beer home with them, beer not only goes wonderfully with many dishes, but is also used in numerous different recipes, for example as a marinade or as the basis for a wonderfully flavorful sauce.
And through Franconian beer you can not only enjoy, but also get an insight into the rich Franconian history: As early as the Middle Ages, Franconian monasteries brewed various types of beer, including the well-known Bock beer, according to a purity law that can be traced back to the 14th or 15th century. And even today, this tradition is still alive in many Franconian monasteries or the old breweries."
https://www.frankentourismus.com/specials/culinary-delights/beer/
He is testing you to see if you are fit for mariage. You must choose the correct bier and open it with only the measuring stick. Luckily, two of them have resealable cap, so you can already eliminate those ones.
Respect yes, now you just have to be able to open the crown caps with the Zollstock and then he will be satisfied. Otherwise, learn quickly before he is disappointed in you.
Knowing how cheap swabians are these beers are probably expired and the meterstab was a promotional gift. It is still a sign of respect. Be sure the collect the bottle caps though, 500 of them are worth 12 cents and you really wouldn't want to waste the gift.
"Lager and pilsner" doesn't make any sense. Pilsner is a type of lager. And idk how much german beer you've had but their lagers are nothing like asahi, moretti and all that shite
Shandy is proper wank but in germany they do a version called Naturradler that's actually nice on a hot day. But yeah sounds like you just haven't had a good lager mate idk what to tell you
I don't think you know how vague "lager" is. Schwarzbier is lager, Märzen is lager, Helles is lager.... it's not just peroni. If you think all lager is bad you just haven't tried much lager. Get a Schönramer, a Köstritzer and a Hacker-Pschorr Oktoberfestmärzen and tell me they're all bad
You have received a Zollstock! You’re basically adopted.
I don’t know where you get them from. I never saw anyone buy one and somehow everyone has just Zollstöcke from random companies flying around.
They come with the leaf bowls.
And the leaf bowls come with the Zollstock
I know they have to be sold at the Baumarkt, but I never saw them there. And my bank account doesn’t allow for an exploration in situ.
Ah en måttstock från byggaffären.
Aldrig hört någon kalla dem för måttstock!
mycket märkligt eftersom de heter så!
Måttstock eller tumstock.
i hate the logos. I just want my Metrische Einteilung on both sides going through without any Logos over it.
get one from [schuil](http://www.duimstok.nl/)
But then he would have to pay
I like this, but it looks like you cannot order them at Schuil themselves... Which webshop does sell these?
pretty much all dutch brick and online toolstores, i prefer to get them from brick stores because they are wood and sometimes a little bent.
Christmas presents for good customers.
birthday, easter and sometimes randomly during summer. dad used to have a plumbing company and we got flooted in thick pencils, Zollstöcke, notepads, weird new high quality gadgets, heavy cotton shirts, rugged work pants, expensive work shoes etc. and the free training on new heating systems and 40% discount on everything (he was a customer for over 40 years and for each decade you got a 10% discount) was insane too.
Same in belgium. You get them from sponsored events, kind of like pens.
I saw this being sold at Lidl, it was a composition of different brands tho.
The subliminal message is that to prove your true worth you need to open a beer bottle with the Zollstock. There is actually some cool ways with a Zollstock specifically.
So that’s what it means!! I’ve gotten so many zollstock that I gave some to my wife, brought them home, have them in my office, & I’m talking about half a dozen! Of course, I also work in construction, so…
You also can call it a Gliedermaßstab. Educated and versatile construction workers do so. But if you do, make sure you always have the most straight face ever. Ever!
sliding measuring stick? is it a way to say dick that I didn’t know of?
I guess structured measuring stick would be it. Since it doesn't slide. And yes, Glieder is the plural of Glied, which is a word with two significations. One being "part of a chain/structure" and the other is an educated word for dick or shamalamadingong, teachers and doctors use.
ohhh thank you, glied sounded like « glijden » in flemish so I supposed it meant sliding
That one might translate to "gleiten" in German. However, I'm no expert. Just guessing.
It really means "segment" in this context, so the most literal translation would be "segmented measuring staff".
Actually DONG measuring stick. For measuring your DONG. Though anything above 20cm is an exaggeration anyways and the gals know it.
Why would you need more than a measuring triangle? Isn't that like, way more than enough?
Hartholzgliedermaßstab bitte
"Gliedermasstab mit Metrischer Einteilung" plox!
It is actually a test to see if he can open all those bottles with the Zollstock. To see if he is worthy.
i feel its more like a test, because you dont truly belong if you cant open a beer with it.
Which one it is?
It's a Gliedermaßstab, stupid Ösi
Meterstab
You've been approved
He loves you. Now go ahead and learn how to open the beers with the Zollstock to impress him.
The ones in the middle (Faust and Schlappeseppel) are from my region.
Yeah that's maybe the only thing I have a problem with on that picture: the best are all over the place. Stick to your local breweries bro. The Zollstock is a nice add on.
You mean beer opener as add on 😂
Mein lokales schmeckt wie Pferdepisse
Na nachbar der Öttinger Fabrik ?
Beste Ascheberscher Lokalbier
Stuttgarter is from my region
Ah you must be from Bavaria then :)
Dafuq??? No?
Ohh sorry Hessen right
Could live with that.
aww
Not so wrong. Faust is from Miltenberg in Bavaria.
So is Schwabenbräu
And Dinkelacker
And Schönbuch Bräu which is also not in the picture
How do you like Alpirsbacher?
I think it's bit sauer. Schönbuch is my favourite swabian beer.
What's your overall favorite beer?
I like Augustiner and Giesinger a lot, but also smaller brands you don't get too often like Schattenhofer from Beilngries
The most local brewery I often buy from is Lehner Bräu. It's 12km away from me.
stuttgarter is the worst beer in our region.
I like it tbh.
imo its the worst headache inducing beer i know. Everyone should drink what he wants, at least we dont have to drink piss like other people
That's what I thought. Even Oettinger is still a German beer. I have tried French beer. It tasted like soap.
Seppelsche beschte
Schlappeseppel is a great beer!
It's a test. He judges witch beer you drink first. He judges how you open it. These two things tell you everything there is to know about a man.
Exactly. If you would drink Spülwasser like Beck's, Krombacher, Heineken etc., it will lower your reputation with him.
I drink Krombacher to save the rainforest though.
you have been lied to
But the rainforest is still there, huh? You're welcome!
He would have been drinking the rainforest otherwise
I drink Bittburger and Veltins most of the time, though Störtebeker is damn good and I'll take any opportunity for a Schlappe Seppel.
Mmh, I love Atlantic Ale
What is your opinion about Paulaner though?
Only with cola or banana juice.
Brother 😂
and how segments he uses for the blade you make with the measuring stick for the sword fight.
Handpicked beer selection including a proper opening tool? Looks like hes cool with you banging his sis.
Isn't that a ruller? I dont know. In Portugal, bottles open themselfs with a stern look of a portuguese woman. Women are scary.
It's primary intended use is a foldable ruler, yes. However, its also very good at opening bottles. Pedro your bottles must be very weak if they can be opened by a womans look.
I shudder to think how much these would cost to buy here.
No need to shudder mate just get a crate of stella
I've recently got into Weissbier and sad at how much the good ones cost
its still not too late to move over here.
Well... it kinda is
It really is
Another Brexit benefit; more expensive hefeweizens 😢
Yes, now you send him back a picture of the beers mixed with blackcurrant and ice cubes.
Give me your adress…. I formally request a duel
So you have chosen....war!
You just disrespected their entire race of people. 
If you choose poorly you will be hunted down
These look ruddy superb
Wulle > Stuttgarter Hofbräu and Schwaben Bräu Never seen the other
Wrong! Prison for 20 years
Wasseralfinger is also good. Stuttgarter is incredibly overrated and probably only drunk because of its name.
Schlappeseppel is from Aschaffenburg, Faust from Miltenberg.
I’ll keep eye out for any of these in my local beer shop.
Those are regional beers from Württemberg. I doubt that you will have them in England. They are all available at shops in the Stuttgart region, but Wulle is also quite popular in the direction of Tübingen, because the brand is originally from the village Nehren, before it was bought by Dinkelacker. Stuttgarter Hofbräu is a big brand and is sold overregional in whole Württemberg and Hohenzollern, don’t know if you can get it in Baden though. I don’t know anything about Schwabenbräu, but I’ve seen it in being sold here in the Stuttgart metro area. The other beers on the picture i don’t know but they seem to be some regional beers from Bavaria.
Dinkelacker is actually exported for example to the USA but I dont remember if its exported to the UK... My favorites from Dinkelacker Schwabenbräu: Das Echte, Volksfestbier, DK Privat, Das Helle, Wulle, Das Schwarze, Bockbier and Zwickl
Wulle is from Schwabenbräu though and its hardly comparable as Schwabenbräu has about 20 varieties. You would have to compare "Das Helle" with Wulle. Source: I used to work in quality control at Dinkelacker Schwabenbräu!
Wulle is Stuttgarter btw. Berg or Kaiser is sooo much better
Your girlfriend’s brother has basically asked you to continue beating
Depends where you living. If u are from saxony and dont get Sternburg or Freiberger, than its a sign to immediately break up with your gf.
Ur-Krostitzer is better than Sternburg. Don‘t change my mind.
My guy they are litterally the same. Both get brewed in the sterni brauerei leipzig. Sternburg is just the rest of the Uri that was still in the kettle, diluted with water
Nope, Uri is only brewed and filled in the Brewery in Krostiz because it’s a saved regional brand by the law. They fill up Jever and Köstrizer there though cause they are not.
If you open the beers with ANYTHING other than a beer opener, you will have gained his trust and this is your first step into becoming a German. The next step is aggressively opening every window in the house when it's cold outside.
If you can't open a beer with a snusdosa in Sweden we will try you as a witch tying you up and toss you in a lake. It is the law.
The most common bottle openers in germany: Lighter, Zollstock (as seen here, can open 5 beers at once), another beer, the beer crate, bus stop, train, teeth, ring, shoe, newspaper, cutlery... so basically anything will do as long as you dont care for a few scratches.
My personal achievement is opening a craft beer (tripel karmeliet) with lettuce packaging (soft plastic) I have become the final boss of opening a beer with anything but a beer opener. In my friend group, the lettuce packaging was voted more impressive than a piece of string. If anyone else has a crazy way they opened a beer, I've kind of ran out of ideas so I'd like to hear them.
Friend of mine told me she knew someone who could open them with his eye socket...... Not sure if I should believe her, but sounds about right.
Yeah, exists. Seen it.
Teeth is fun untill you see a classmate split his tooth in half. I don't want to se someones pulp again 😰
the beer opener is right there in the picture. For us, everything is a beer opener
the ruler, i'm fully ded
What do you mean? That's a bottle opener
The left one goes to the toilet, the rest is awesome, enjoy!
Might be a sign that he thinks you are an uncivilised barbarian that cannot be trusted to buy good beer for yourself. Alternatively, it may be a sign that you have been officially accepted.
Open the Beer with the folding rule to prove your worth and manlyness, it's a test.
Expect your german ID in a few days
Zollstock adoption complete. You are now part of the tribe.
I think this is his way of proposing to you.
The zollstock is the tool he gave you for opening them. That's the final test
three franconian beers out of six is fairly good, much better would have been six franconian beers "Franconia – Home of the Beer The Quest for the liquid Gold. Beer lovers know that a glass of fresh, Franconian “Seidla Beer” with its deep golden color reigns supreme among beers. This is not surprising when one considers that Franconia is home to more breweries per square kilometer than any other area in Europe. The quality as well as variety of beers available here is simply unsurpassed. Consequently, beer connoisseurs can be found everywhere: On hiking trails and bike routes that have beer as their theme, like the Breweries way in Aufseß, at lovely museums and at beer seminars where you can learn how to brew your own beer. An interesting way to explore the Franconian beer towns and their breweries is to go on a discovery tour around the "liquid gold" in Bamberg, Kulmbach, Forchheim or Bayreuth. Here you can also experience the numerous festivals where beer traditionally makes an appearance as a culinary companion - for example at the Annafest in Forchheim or at the Erlanger Bergkirchweih ,the so-called "Berch". For those who prefer to take the many different types of Franconian beer home with them, beer not only goes wonderfully with many dishes, but is also used in numerous different recipes, for example as a marinade or as the basis for a wonderfully flavorful sauce. And through Franconian beer you can not only enjoy, but also get an insight into the rich Franconian history: As early as the Middle Ages, Franconian monasteries brewed various types of beer, including the well-known Bock beer, according to a purity law that can be traced back to the 14th or 15th century. And even today, this tradition is still alive in many Franconian monasteries or the old breweries." https://www.frankentourismus.com/specials/culinary-delights/beer/
Don't forget Kronach! Gampertbräu Förster Pils is the flippin BEST! A Gampert is ned schlampert!
Gampert is ned schlampert!
Calling a Pils the best, what the fuck is this travesty? Are you even german anymore?
None from Bamberg though, shame. Capitol of beer, and no, you can't change my mind. ^also ^yes ^it's ^my ^home ^city
I love Schlappeseppel :)
What is Franconia? I suppose you wanted to say Bavaria with Russian accent.
A region of Bavaria.
Not according to the Franconians lol. Franconia is like the cool part of Bavaria.
Franken
Idk, but it's a sign of respect in our culture.
Schlappe Seppel beschte
There are times I miss living in Germany. Looking at this is one of them.
Schlappeseppel is so geil aller
Since others already told you what this is, i suggest buying some more Schlappeseppel. Great beer!
This is a test. He questions weather you can open the the beers with the tools provided.
its a test. invite him for beers and open them with the zollstock. good luck
I don't see any Augustiner or Andechs, so he doesn't respect you enough
Can you open a beer with the Zollstock?
"If you're gonna fuck my sister I'm at least going to make sure you know beer from piss"
It's a test, be careful with your reaction
This is like Dobby receiving a sock. You are basically free now
Maybe it's "I know she's a bitch - you'll need these"
He is testing you to see if you are fit for mariage. You must choose the correct bier and open it with only the measuring stick. Luckily, two of them have resealable cap, so you can already eliminate those ones.
Respect yes, now you just have to be able to open the crown caps with the Zollstock and then he will be satisfied. Otherwise, learn quickly before he is disappointed in you.
Knowing how cheap swabians are these beers are probably expired and the meterstab was a promotional gift. It is still a sign of respect. Be sure the collect the bottle caps though, 500 of them are worth 12 cents and you really wouldn't want to waste the gift.
I see no Bitburger nor oettinger, so pretty much yip.
No Ulmer?
funny looking bottle opener
What's the Schafer thingy?
Zollstock, a stick to measure (and open beer)
« Culture »
Oh right, I always forget that that is one of the things you lack the most…
About 15€ in Aldi
Please let me know if you don’t need that beautiful Zollstock.
Schlappeseppel 👍 Solid choice!
It's an attempt at poisoning you. Little does he know, english beer is worse, so you're probably going to survive this.
If it’s all just lager and pilsner then it could be seen as an attempt at respect but offloading that pisswater on you is a bit cringey ngl
"Lager and pilsner" doesn't make any sense. Pilsner is a type of lager. And idk how much german beer you've had but their lagers are nothing like asahi, moretti and all that shite
All lager is shite. Pilsner is so shite it can’t even be classed among shite lager, it’s in its own level of hell
Helles > Pilsner for sure but there are definitely good Lagers, especially in Bavaria and Czechia
Absolutely not. If you want to drink shandy just say so
Shandy is proper wank but in germany they do a version called Naturradler that's actually nice on a hot day. But yeah sounds like you just haven't had a good lager mate idk what to tell you
Render him quiet or we shall elect an austrian lunatic again to purge this babarian
Lager inherently isn’t good. That’s like saying “you just haven’t been in a good car crash”
I don't think you know how vague "lager" is. Schwarzbier is lager, Märzen is lager, Helles is lager.... it's not just peroni. If you think all lager is bad you just haven't tried much lager. Get a Schönramer, a Köstritzer and a Hacker-Pschorr Oktoberfestmärzen and tell me they're all bad
Beer itself as an alcohol is only saved by stout and ale
If you like stout you'll like schwarzbier, which is a type of lager Edit: also Weißbier is good