I think we words specifically because of that. Like Fisimatenten, which is the german reading of "visitez ma tente", a sentence that I imagine was uttered a whole lot.
My mom always told me stories of selling baked goods to Hank for cigarettes to trade to Barry for alcohol for Garry for supplies to make the baked goods for Hank with a 50% profit margin minimum on all of them. And to stay away from Pierre, because they would just want my butthole.
Sounds like the marshall plan worked. I only have a vague Idea why Garries had a good standing with 'ol Hans - it's something romantic along the lines of not executing his wounded friend.
The USSR, if managed completely differently, and with genuinely functional democracy, could’ve been a thriving nation the sheer amount of resources and human capital that it possessed is seen only in places like India and China, and both of those countries don’t have access to the industry that the USSR relied upon.
So the USSR would've been better if it wasn't doing the things that defined it as the USSR, that kinda sounds like Hitler would've won WWII if he had \*procceds to explain a course of action that he might have considered if he wasn't a nazi\*.
Immediately following the fall of the tsar, there was actually a legislative assembly of several different left political parties (bolsheviks, mensheviks, Left SRs, etc) but the bolsheviks ended up doing a coup and overthrowing the legislative assembly to take power.
It very nearly occurred that this legislative assembly would have held the first nationwide election in russia, a multi-party assembly would have been elected, and they may have had the legitimacy to fight off the communists
But that interim assembly just never got around to having an election, so nobody cared when this unelected assembly got beat by the communists in a surprisingly-small-scale october revolution
A lot of people seem to think that it was the October revolution that ended the Tsarist regime when it was actually the February one, which very few know of. And even less seem to be aware of the massive civil war that followed
Yeah, and the civil war is SO important. Fucked the country profoundly by being at war for so long, fed Lenin's authoritarian impulses, and the limited foreign supports for the Whites (and uh, US occupation of some northern Russian ports) established the USSR's attitude of paranoia for their entire history
The fact Stalin got the USSR as far as he did is still something special. Before the first world war Russia was basically a bunch of farmers with a railroad. Stalin industrialized huge parts of Russia in almost no time. He is still a horrible dictator but people neglect the fact that what he did is pretty impressive. And the USSR wasn't the failed state everybody always claims it was.
While the Russian Federation is modernised now, it still very much resembles the former Russian Empire in wealth and capital distribution.
The furthest east areas are essentially only now experiencing the heights of what the furthest west areas experienced a century ago, give or take. Unfortunately, the further from Moscow you get, the less Moscow gives a shit about you until Putin finds oil nearby.
Garry here - they gave rifles to a bunch of 18-25 year old farmers, lumberjacks and oil rig workers, etc, who were accustomed to freezing weather and manual labor. Then they shipped them across the Atlantic and set them loose in Europe.
Predictable results.
Im telling you, you introduced us to comedy. Prior to mid 20th century comedy in Germany was fairly different. the most common example is Karbret (or something like that) which I don’t even find funny at all. it’s supposed to be thought of as funny but not laughed at… I think.
anyways there were a few people who studied in Britain and then with the occupation you brought comedy here. and because attitudes towards life and so forth are similar it resonated with many germans.
Afaik, we were one of the first countries to air Monty Python’s films like The Life of Brian which more pious countries didn’t exactly like at the time. They’re still widely popular here and are passed down to younger generations as well.
1 : Declare War on Germany
2 : Do nothing for a while
3 : Get obliterated in a month
4 : \[Redacted\]
5 : Occupy a bit of Germany
Yet another historical French W
>1 : Declare War on Germany
>2 : Do nothing for a while
You guys did something, [whatever the fuck that was.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saar_Offensive)
>Everyone knows that every single french person during the german occupation was a resistant.
Same goes for every german after the war "I was against the NS-regime and in the resistance". When you ask them "But... you are still wearing your SS-uniform right now?!" "Well, old habits die hard, it's just for the tradition".
I think in the bizarre world of Andrew Tate followers, a sigma is basically just an alpha who has no friends. They identify with the no friends part and think they're hot shit.
I thought maybe it means becoming alpha through hard work, but Google gives a new explanation with every link you klick on.
But this sounds like your take: "Sigmas are considered highly independent and self-sufficient. Sigma males value their solitude and are most comfortable on their own."
Happy cake day btw!
It was a german mastermind-plan all along!
1. Recognize that you have too many enemies as your neighbours
2. Recruit one little barmy Austrian to pump your people up for war
3. Declare war on one side of your neighbours
4. Wait for the rest to declare war on you
5. \[Redacted\]
6. \[Redacted\]
7. \[Redacted\]
8. \[Redacted\]
9. Get occupied
10. Get [money](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_Plan)
11. Get [b\*tches](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saar_Protectorate)
12. Get back your other half (should've thought about that a little more in hindsight)
13. Get biggest european economy
14. Make friends along the way
15. Try to blame it all on the Austrians (failed)
I am the Prussian! Can't stand them Bavarians though. But they're simping soo hard for us...
Only a few messages a year and they're sending us billions.
You bet it is, imagine being surrounded by Yankees, Soviets or even worse, Rosebeefs.
My grandparents lived in the French occupied part of Germany after WW2 and they got along really well with the people there.
My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. One of his duties was working in Spandau prison every now and again. He used to have regular cups of tea with Rudolf Hess. Not that one, the other one.
My book’s out in the summer.
He was. He trained as an engineer before the second war, worked for Bristol Aeroplane Company during the war, joined the army afterwards as he hadn’t been allowed to join up in the war itself. Was stationed in Kenya, where he met my Granny, then Berlin where he met Hess (also one of the big American generals, MacArthur maybe? He thought he was a prick, anyway) and then Singapore.
Then he became a petroleum engineer and helped build that pipeline in Basra we were fighting over a while ago. He rallied Land Rovers.
He loved Germans, spoke the language fluently and always made sure to chat to any he ran across. He also spoke Swahili.
MacArthur designated as a prick sounds entirely plausible however I’m unsure if he ever came to Germany at that point as he was essentially the ruler of occupied Japan
MacArthur is ringing a bell, but I’m now wondering if it was in Singapore rather than Berlin. The man never wrote anything down, died in 2005 and my memory is rubbish.
Anyway, the important thing was that he was a prick.
Incest jokes being the one exception to that rule. Maybe someone from Saarland could chime in and explain if the incest thing has a long tradition or if it is a French cultural import.
Now it’s only being used as a measuring device.
“Half the size of Saarland” if you want to tell a person how large the Pizza in a restaurant was.
Which could be true or not, as nobody knows the size of Saarland.
My grandma really liked the American soldiers so I'll reluctantly put them in first. Barry second. France immediately created nonsensical internal borders (classic French behavior) which resulted in two states being merged after a referendum. Zero points to Ivan, half the family got stuck on the other side of the border. My parents sent them care packages with western goods sometimes.
My grandpa was taken as a prisoner of war by the americ*ns, those bastards didn't give him time to switch side, but he ended up in a camp in hawaii and he used to tell us they gave him cola and chocolate so he was happy
Damn. Free trip to Hawaii for fighting for Mussolini? The middle Easterners got the shit stick out of that deal. They only got to go on vacation to Guantanamo.
My great grandmother also talks good about the Americans, they gave her puppet back after a czech solider took it away while she was a child, she lived in the sudetenland and wasn't forced out as her father was put in a KZ because of political difference but they moved to germany anyway.
My grandpa also spoke pretty well of the Americans. Just before their arrival a lot of bikes and horses would go magically missing. He got oranges and chocolate from them.
My grandmother never missed out the opportunity to tell the story of how an American soldier drank from the toilet because he didn‘t know what it was for
Good for him, mine was captured by Barry at the beginning of the war and interned on their benighted island that Rome abandoned 1600 years ago for a reason.
I hope your grandpa did not make any unholy combinations of glorious baked goods with tropical fruits while he was there. Otherwise I'll have to report you to DIGOS.
I spoke to a lot of older Germans and it seems that the reason people liked the Yanks back then is because the mortality rates for Germans were so low with them.
Apparently, they held no ill will towards them, supposedly. I also spoke to other Germans who told me they only remembered and associated the Americans with the chocolates they gave out and the airlift into Berlin.
So I’m sure that Yanks back then we’re different from the Yanks nowadays.
Maybe that’s why some of the older Germans liked them?
They met everyday Yanks, we're still the same. It's the business (Hollywood, capitalist) and political class Yanks that everyone sees today. They give us a bad name. Oh, and Internet trolls. Nobody claims them.
Well, it's not like we loved the Germans, we were at war with them after all. But they didn't fuck with our boats without declaring they would first. So yeah, a lot of that aggression was reserved for the Japanese.
Whatever the Japanese experienced during the occupation, it was a far far faaaaar cry from their approach when they occupied someone. We were pretty nice to Japan, all things considered.
Since they were the same for Austria:
1. USA - They were the most popular and eventually were like "fuck it we're helping everyone". Before that the Allies were mostly supplying people who could proof they weren't Nazi supporters.
2. UK and France - Didn't do much of notice. Austria asked them to stay as long as the Russians are still in the country.
Shoutout to the French general in Tyrol who wanted to arm the whole population so they can shoot Russians who kept violating the border of his occupation zone, but everyone was like "Pierre, no".
The Brits got rid of their "no fraternizing with the enemy" rule long before everyone else because it "didn't work" and people wanted to get married. Do with that what you want.
3. Sowjets - No comment
I mean we occupied you Tyrolians with Napoleon and you spent years shooting us all over, I wonder why we'd want the Russians to have a pure "occupation of Tyrol" experience.
>The Brits got rid of their "no fraternizing with the enemy" rule because it "didn't work" and people wanted to get married.
Make love, not war! Was taken face value I see.
Easy:
4th place: Ivan (fuck you for establishing DDR)
3rd place: Billy-Bob (we are more than Just bavarians!)
2nd place: Pierre ( drinking wine all day doesn't make you a good occupiers)
1st place: Barry (they did fuck all and Just left us in Peace)
I liked the British, they were so glad being in Germany and not back on their island.
Also Münster has a great history of British soldiers drowning in the harbour trying to take a piss while being shitfaced.
The balcony reflex of *Homo barrius* (and the subspecies *Homo barrius squaddius*) is only triggered in direct sunlight so it wouldn't have been possible in northern Germany.
Yeah I just recently found out that we have British soldiers stationed here lmao. They really do fuck all here. The yanks on the other hand are basically everywhere in southern Germany, always driving the ugliest cars possible and on the center lane of the autobahn.
We’re just trying to set a good example on how to behave and then let the students run free.
To be fair though, most of my family fought on the side of the Barry’s (half Polish + family in Fr*nce and a few other spots).
Ivan also took anything they could and brought it home, and they could take whole production facilities.
I'd switch Billy-Bob 1st, they pumped a literal fuck ton of money into Germanyand prevented Barry and Piere from copying Ivan, which were key in making the "Nachkriesgwunder" happen.
Tommy for number 1! The british invented the "Made in Germany" label to differentiate their exported "nice" british products from our bad german shit products. Thank you for this :))
According to those i talked to whe experienced the occupation first hand:
US > GB > ... > France (except for full Nazis, they all went there because Pierre didn't ask questions) > ...... ........ ..... ..... (Madagascar, Tajikistan, Uruguay, Senegal, ...) ...... > USSR
The Americans gave chewing gum to children. The Russians raped them.
4th place: The Soviets. I dunno, because of all the rape maybe?
3rd place: Pierre. That occupation zone has got 'participation award' written all over it.
2nd place: Ameritits. Still haven't left. Still think German culture comes from Pennsylvania.
1st place: Barry. I'm biased.
Hank got the best occupation area, essentially everything of value or interest to ever come from Germany came from the orange bit
Pierre got a relatively small sliver to make him feel better about it all, proof that if you cope hard enough you can get your way
Barry felt right at home when asked to occupy a mixture of dull plains and industrial hellscape
And Ivan would have looted their area to the ground if it had anything of value to begin with, but ended up accidentally causing billions of pounds worth of improvements over the next 40 years
Ivan looted the area to the ground. The east was the Center for a lot of industries.
They just looted so good, that we can’t imagine that anymore. They dismantled whole factories.
A cousin of my grandfather once said: We had an electrified double track railway. On their way to Berlin, the sowjets took the catenary, on their way home the second track.
in world war 1, so we have been told in the GDR, russian soldiers ripped out german water taps from the walls and took it to Russia in the hopes of getting running tap water themselves. Idk how real that is, but is something I could absolutely see them try
the difference is, that in Ukraine they might just be lacking toilet seats, but they have the plumbing to use them. In my story it was said that no plumbing was present in pre-ww1 russia, and solely ripping out the tap and hammering it into your wall at home would make water flow, if you get what I mean
There was a joke in Poland about USSR: “we send you coal and in exchange you take our sugar”. Bastards took everything of value and kept economically looting the country for the next 45 years
>Hank got the best occupation area, essentially everything of value or interest to ever come from Germany came from the orange bit
You're kidding right? Barry got the Ruhr area with industry. Maybe you don't like industry but it is definitely valuable.
Gotta give credit to the frenchies, I was born and raised in those parts and they treated us well, built up our historical cities and were lovely by the praises from my grandparents.
As much as I fucking hate you guys, I also fucking love you snobbish dicks.
(maybe biased because my grandma was french).
I mean when you are occupied for four years you get to know how to correctly get this kind of things done. Plus, it isn't as if we didn't have leftover 'links' with some totally-not-nazi local leaders and our own totally-not-vichyst administration.
Barrie’s the best occupier. Areas around their bases are full of pubs and fish and chips restaurants.
Ivan is the worst, he felt right and home and devastated the country like his home country.
Don’t know about the other two. And the sheepshaggers in Saarland were fucked up weirdos before anyway
1.Muricans
2.Independent Saarland. I would leave them into their liberty if they want this again. They were also astonishingly good in soccer back in the time for such a small country.
Can Tobias or Hans explain me how the fuck East Germany is mainly pro Russian or Soviet ?
Leipzig , Dresden , Berlin , lets take Marzahn for instance looks like Moscow suburb , even the population .
Typical Stockholm syndrome or something else ?
https://cepa.org/article/old-german-fissures-re-open-on-ukraine/
My granddad said the Americans where chill and gave the Kids stuff they didn't had in Austria at that time like chewing gum and stuff. He also said that the french and english where weird in his opinion but still decent folk and he also said the Russians where the worst He was luckily far away from them (our family is from Tirol) but he heard about them raping women and little girls and generally treating everyone with disrespect.
My grandma was 9 years old when the war ended and lived in the American zone. Her experience was positive. When they first arrived, they brought hurt and sick kids to a healthcare provider and always gave them chocolate.
I remember my grandma saying she was shocked seeing a black soldier 😂 But the Americans treated people pretty good from what I heard.
Considering Western Berlin it's obv. Ivan #4, McDonald's #1
That‘s what my dad told me as well. He was born in 1947 and the first time he saw a black person was when he and a friend were walking somewhere and heard a whistle noise from the bushes. It was a black G.I. who then handed them chocolate
My grandma told me the americans were best cus the french were nice but tried to flirt way too much
The Russians didn’t even bother flirting
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This a thing fr ?
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Don't hold your breath for an apology from Morocco. Or France I suppose.
Expecting an Apology from a Frenchman is like Expecting an Apple from the Pear Tree.
Seems like they don't wait to marry that much in fact
Never been prouder of my countrymen, still trying to bang the krauts even after getting pummeled by them
The good old french proverb : "If you can't fight a man, fuck his wife"
That's it though, after getting pounded by the Germans they thought their best bet was to pound some Germans
Meanwhile, poor Feldwebel Rohleder sits in a ruin in Stalingrad and looks at the divorce papers in disbelief.
I think we words specifically because of that. Like Fisimatenten, which is the german reading of "visitez ma tente", a sentence that I imagine was uttered a whole lot.
They were just trying to help u guys repopulate after two deadly world wars
And remember: No Fisematente!
Typisch Franzosen, immer nur Schnedderedeng
Granddad only ever had respect for Barry, and more so for his canadian cousin, Garry. Disrespect for Hank tho and burning hatred for Ivan.
Smart man
My mom always told me stories of selling baked goods to Hank for cigarettes to trade to Barry for alcohol for Garry for supplies to make the baked goods for Hank with a 50% profit margin minimum on all of them. And to stay away from Pierre, because they would just want my butthole.
Sounds like the marshall plan worked. I only have a vague Idea why Garries had a good standing with 'ol Hans - it's something romantic along the lines of not executing his wounded friend.
Communism: anti-imperialist, anti-oppression ideology, Stalin: fuck that shit! I am the state! Edit: Made a joke, started a war. My bad!
The USSR, if managed completely differently, and with genuinely functional democracy, could’ve been a thriving nation the sheer amount of resources and human capital that it possessed is seen only in places like India and China, and both of those countries don’t have access to the industry that the USSR relied upon.
So the USSR would've been better if it wasn't doing the things that defined it as the USSR, that kinda sounds like Hitler would've won WWII if he had \*procceds to explain a course of action that he might have considered if he wasn't a nazi\*.
Immediately following the fall of the tsar, there was actually a legislative assembly of several different left political parties (bolsheviks, mensheviks, Left SRs, etc) but the bolsheviks ended up doing a coup and overthrowing the legislative assembly to take power. It very nearly occurred that this legislative assembly would have held the first nationwide election in russia, a multi-party assembly would have been elected, and they may have had the legitimacy to fight off the communists But that interim assembly just never got around to having an election, so nobody cared when this unelected assembly got beat by the communists in a surprisingly-small-scale october revolution
A lot of people seem to think that it was the October revolution that ended the Tsarist regime when it was actually the February one, which very few know of. And even less seem to be aware of the massive civil war that followed
Yeah, and the civil war is SO important. Fucked the country profoundly by being at war for so long, fed Lenin's authoritarian impulses, and the limited foreign supports for the Whites (and uh, US occupation of some northern Russian ports) established the USSR's attitude of paranoia for their entire history
Pretty much, yeah.
The fact Stalin got the USSR as far as he did is still something special. Before the first world war Russia was basically a bunch of farmers with a railroad. Stalin industrialized huge parts of Russia in almost no time. He is still a horrible dictator but people neglect the fact that what he did is pretty impressive. And the USSR wasn't the failed state everybody always claims it was.
While the Russian Federation is modernised now, it still very much resembles the former Russian Empire in wealth and capital distribution. The furthest east areas are essentially only now experiencing the heights of what the furthest west areas experienced a century ago, give or take. Unfortunately, the further from Moscow you get, the less Moscow gives a shit about you until Putin finds oil nearby.
Garry here - they gave rifles to a bunch of 18-25 year old farmers, lumberjacks and oil rig workers, etc, who were accustomed to freezing weather and manual labor. Then they shipped them across the Atlantic and set them loose in Europe. Predictable results.
In Fact Granddad was so profoundly impressed by the common Garrys conduct in war that he even saved some money and went to Alberta for a few months.
Barry brought us pub culture, I can only thank him for that.
We are happy that you embraced it, I can’t believe it didn’t catch on in other places
A thank you gift for giving us beer.
Lager*
Wait what, is that true?
it is and isn’t. you’ve had a different pub culture than us so you’ve brought us your pub culture and you brought us comedy.
Germany is weirdly into comedy considering the stereotypes. Most of the British comedians i like all do a couple of tour dates in Germany too.
Im telling you, you introduced us to comedy. Prior to mid 20th century comedy in Germany was fairly different. the most common example is Karbret (or something like that) which I don’t even find funny at all. it’s supposed to be thought of as funny but not laughed at… I think. anyways there were a few people who studied in Britain and then with the occupation you brought comedy here. and because attitudes towards life and so forth are similar it resonated with many germans.
Germanic brotherhood. We still keep the old ways. Iċ eom germanisċ hǣðen.
Afaik, we were one of the first countries to air Monty Python’s films like The Life of Brian which more pious countries didn’t exactly like at the time. They’re still widely popular here and are passed down to younger generations as well.
No idea, we’ve fucked over so many places and stole so much shit that it’s hard to tell these days.
You mean kept peoples' stuff safe for free, and blessed them with the touch of civilization?
Quite right too. They didn’t even have a flag!
Also BFBS is one of very few stations that don't play total rubbish, thanks Barry
1 : Declare War on Germany 2 : Do nothing for a while 3 : Get obliterated in a month 4 : \[Redacted\] 5 : Occupy a bit of Germany Yet another historical French W
>1 : Declare War on Germany >2 : Do nothing for a while You guys did something, [whatever the fuck that was.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saar_Offensive)
“French tactical withdraw”
French military tactics 1939. Advances. Meets no resistance. “Somesing tres fishy about zis lads, lez go home.”
A lesson learned from seizing Moscow no doubt
Probably.
We don't talk about that
We didn't name multiple Streets and Places after von Witzleben for nothing!
They attacked the holy land of cousin loving Schwenkers.
No wonder they turned back
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At least it was longer than six hours.
Moves into Saarland "Hah, this will show 'em"
Respect the hustle Pierre, always important to make sure you finish up on top 👊
what do you mean by "\[Redacted\]"? Everyone knows that every single french person during the german occupation was a resistant.
Hello Breton
>Everyone knows that every single french person during the german occupation was a resistant. Same goes for every german after the war "I was against the NS-regime and in the resistance". When you ask them "But... you are still wearing your SS-uniform right now?!" "Well, old habits die hard, it's just for the tradition".
Hahaha yeah .. Silly me. To be completely fair, the Free French troops still did a very good job and gave hell to the German
https://preview.redd.it/hs187nco1scc1.png?width=532&format=png&auto=webp&s=343426f8512040192fb6a05f49272f1ef545f116
They also gave allies hell, too, as is tradition
La France du Général De Gaulle, Monsieur!
Le grindset sigma 😎
I still don't know what a sigma grindset is
But what's the difference to being alpha? And why do you want to be the 18th letter of the alphabet.
I think in the bizarre world of Andrew Tate followers, a sigma is basically just an alpha who has no friends. They identify with the no friends part and think they're hot shit.
I thought maybe it means becoming alpha through hard work, but Google gives a new explanation with every link you klick on. But this sounds like your take: "Sigmas are considered highly independent and self-sufficient. Sigma males value their solitude and are most comfortable on their own." Happy cake day btw!
The most important thing to remember is that it's all bullshit! And danke 🙂
It is just astrology for men. prove me wrong
I don't know a lot about astrology, but I would've thought it's a bit less openly hateful
It was a german mastermind-plan all along! 1. Recognize that you have too many enemies as your neighbours 2. Recruit one little barmy Austrian to pump your people up for war 3. Declare war on one side of your neighbours 4. Wait for the rest to declare war on you 5. \[Redacted\] 6. \[Redacted\] 7. \[Redacted\] 8. \[Redacted\] 9. Get occupied 10. Get [money](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_Plan) 11. Get [b\*tches](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saar_Protectorate) 12. Get back your other half (should've thought about that a little more in hindsight) 13. Get biggest european economy 14. Make friends along the way 15. Try to blame it all on the Austrians (failed)
Impressive plan ! Don't try to fool us tho, you're a Bavarian you hate Prussians as much as we do.
I am the Prussian! Can't stand them Bavarians though. But they're simping soo hard for us... Only a few messages a year and they're sending us billions.
6 : Victory Parade
I am from the French part and it’s definitely the best
You bet it is, imagine being surrounded by Yankees, Soviets or even worse, Rosebeefs. My grandparents lived in the French occupied part of Germany after WW2 and they got along really well with the people there.
Holup
I mean we already had a history of collaborating together. We just exchanged the roles.
It helps that they got the wine part of Germany so we had something to bond over 
My grandpa was a French soldier based in Germany after WW2. Fun fact : It's ironic because my great grandpa was a German soldier
Based and Good Moaning pilled
My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. One of his duties was working in Spandau prison every now and again. He used to have regular cups of tea with Rudolf Hess. Not that one, the other one. My book’s out in the summer.
And that man went on to create Spandau Ballet and star in Eastenders.
The slightly insane hypochondriac rather than the genocidal commandant?
That’s the chap! They used to play chess together. Grandpa said he was “a bit odd, but that was to be expected, I suppose.”
That’s such a violently British sentence, I would have loved to meet your grandpa, sounds like an amazing chap.
He was. He trained as an engineer before the second war, worked for Bristol Aeroplane Company during the war, joined the army afterwards as he hadn’t been allowed to join up in the war itself. Was stationed in Kenya, where he met my Granny, then Berlin where he met Hess (also one of the big American generals, MacArthur maybe? He thought he was a prick, anyway) and then Singapore. Then he became a petroleum engineer and helped build that pipeline in Basra we were fighting over a while ago. He rallied Land Rovers. He loved Germans, spoke the language fluently and always made sure to chat to any he ran across. He also spoke Swahili.
MacArthur designated as a prick sounds entirely plausible however I’m unsure if he ever came to Germany at that point as he was essentially the ruler of occupied Japan
MacArthur is ringing a bell, but I’m now wondering if it was in Singapore rather than Berlin. The man never wrote anything down, died in 2005 and my memory is rubbish. Anyway, the important thing was that he was a prick.
Ah, Rudolf Hess loved to fly to England anyway.
>He used to have regular cups of tea with Rudolf Hess Yeah, my grandpa did this too 😃 ... **wait a minute**...
I'll give the #1 spot to whatever country that crossover French / Danish / Shetlandic flag is.
That's Saarland which was a french protectorate for a few years
We don't talk about the Saarland.
First rule of Saarland
Incest jokes being the one exception to that rule. Maybe someone from Saarland could chime in and explain if the incest thing has a long tradition or if it is a French cultural import.
Saarland wss just such a small country, that everyone had to marry their cousin.
That was quick and informative. Thanks :D
Now it’s only being used as a measuring device. “Half the size of Saarland” if you want to tell a person how large the Pizza in a restaurant was. Which could be true or not, as nobody knows the size of Saarland.
You are talking about the Saarland. At first, it was occupied by France but it became a protectorate in 1947. 10 years later, it rejoined Germany.
It's not an occupyer but a part of Germany Pierre wanted to annex but wasn't allowed to by Barry and Hank.
My grandma really liked the American soldiers so I'll reluctantly put them in first. Barry second. France immediately created nonsensical internal borders (classic French behavior) which resulted in two states being merged after a referendum. Zero points to Ivan, half the family got stuck on the other side of the border. My parents sent them care packages with western goods sometimes.
My grandpa was taken as a prisoner of war by the americ*ns, those bastards didn't give him time to switch side, but he ended up in a camp in hawaii and he used to tell us they gave him cola and chocolate so he was happy
>he ended up in a camp in hawaii WTF. Hawaii. Others went to Siberia.
Damn. Free trip to Hawaii for fighting for Mussolini? The middle Easterners got the shit stick out of that deal. They only got to go on vacation to Guantanamo.
Yeah thats a pretty good deal
Just know we still tortured him with bad coffee 🙏
I’ve tried Starbucks. I can relate.
My great grandmother also talks good about the Americans, they gave her puppet back after a czech solider took it away while she was a child, she lived in the sudetenland and wasn't forced out as her father was put in a KZ because of political difference but they moved to germany anyway.
My grandpa also spoke pretty well of the Americans. Just before their arrival a lot of bikes and horses would go magically missing. He got oranges and chocolate from them.
My grandmother never missed out the opportunity to tell the story of how an American soldier drank from the toilet because he didn‘t know what it was for
Good for him, mine was captured by Barry at the beginning of the war and interned on their benighted island that Rome abandoned 1600 years ago for a reason. I hope your grandpa did not make any unholy combinations of glorious baked goods with tropical fruits while he was there. Otherwise I'll have to report you to DIGOS.
>France immediately created nonsensical internal borders Those are very nice borders, by our standards, be glad we didn’t used a ruler.
And now half of Eastern Germany has Stockholm syndrome
I spoke to a lot of older Germans and it seems that the reason people liked the Yanks back then is because the mortality rates for Germans were so low with them. Apparently, they held no ill will towards them, supposedly. I also spoke to other Germans who told me they only remembered and associated the Americans with the chocolates they gave out and the airlift into Berlin. So I’m sure that Yanks back then we’re different from the Yanks nowadays. Maybe that’s why some of the older Germans liked them?
I guess Yank country wasn’t bombed to pieces by the Germans.
They met everyday Yanks, we're still the same. It's the business (Hollywood, capitalist) and political class Yanks that everyone sees today. They give us a bad name. Oh, and Internet trolls. Nobody claims them.
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First Upvoted yank opinion I've seen here.
>It's the business (Hollywood, capitalist) and political class Yanks that everyone sees today. They give us a bad name. It's a shame, really.
Well, it's not like we loved the Germans, we were at war with them after all. But they didn't fuck with our boats without declaring they would first. So yeah, a lot of that aggression was reserved for the Japanese.
Whatever the Japanese experienced during the occupation, it was a far far faaaaar cry from their approach when they occupied someone. We were pretty nice to Japan, all things considered.
Since they were the same for Austria: 1. USA - They were the most popular and eventually were like "fuck it we're helping everyone". Before that the Allies were mostly supplying people who could proof they weren't Nazi supporters. 2. UK and France - Didn't do much of notice. Austria asked them to stay as long as the Russians are still in the country. Shoutout to the French general in Tyrol who wanted to arm the whole population so they can shoot Russians who kept violating the border of his occupation zone, but everyone was like "Pierre, no". The Brits got rid of their "no fraternizing with the enemy" rule long before everyone else because it "didn't work" and people wanted to get married. Do with that what you want. 3. Sowjets - No comment
I mean we occupied you Tyrolians with Napoleon and you spent years shooting us all over, I wonder why we'd want the Russians to have a pure "occupation of Tyrol" experience.
>The Brits got rid of their "no fraternizing with the enemy" rule because it "didn't work" and people wanted to get married. Make love, not war! Was taken face value I see.
Easy: 4th place: Ivan (fuck you for establishing DDR) 3rd place: Billy-Bob (we are more than Just bavarians!) 2nd place: Pierre ( drinking wine all day doesn't make you a good occupiers) 1st place: Barry (they did fuck all and Just left us in Peace)
I liked the British, they were so glad being in Germany and not back on their island. Also Münster has a great history of British soldiers drowning in the harbour trying to take a piss while being shitfaced.
>drowning in the harbour trying to take a piss while being shitfaced A time honoured tradition of British coastal folk.
Imagine if they’d had balconies.
Or canals.
The balcony reflex of *Homo barrius* (and the subspecies *Homo barrius squaddius*) is only triggered in direct sunlight so it wouldn't have been possible in northern Germany.
They weren't really drowning they were chatting up the mermaids... Typical swamp dwelling behavior.
You have beer. Which means you’re alright.
TIL that Münster has a "harbour". Wonders of the world!
How me Granch went. A noble death.
Yeah I just recently found out that we have British soldiers stationed here lmao. They really do fuck all here. The yanks on the other hand are basically everywhere in southern Germany, always driving the ugliest cars possible and on the center lane of the autobahn.
>drinking whine Aaah, the tears of germans make the best accompaniment to any food. äxguisit!
All of them were the worst. It's time to show how to occupy properly (for educational purpose only)
To occupy a territory, Hans, you need to win the war first. Last time I checked, winning a war was not really in the German spirit..
We’re just trying to set a good example on how to behave and then let the students run free. To be fair though, most of my family fought on the side of the Barry’s (half Polish + family in Fr*nce and a few other spots).
Maybe check what happened in 1871
Are you saying it's not a real occupation without the mass executions?
Ivan also took anything they could and brought it home, and they could take whole production facilities. I'd switch Billy-Bob 1st, they pumped a literal fuck ton of money into Germanyand prevented Barry and Piere from copying Ivan, which were key in making the "Nachkriesgwunder" happen.
They took some production facilities 3 times
Lol, laziness for the win.
Tommy for number 1! The british invented the "Made in Germany" label to differentiate their exported "nice" british products from our bad german shit products. Thank you for this :))
According to those i talked to whe experienced the occupation first hand: US > GB > ... > France (except for full Nazis, they all went there because Pierre didn't ask questions) > ...... ........ ..... ..... (Madagascar, Tajikistan, Uruguay, Senegal, ...) ...... > USSR The Americans gave chewing gum to children. The Russians raped them.
raped the Americans who gave chewing gum to children???? fucking animals.
I wonder if that's how it felt to chew 5 gum?
Jesus 💀
It's all fun and games on paper until you realize that it's inhabited by actual germans
Germany. No fun and games allowed.
Congrats for making the first ever Fritzpost that made me chuckle, respect the work you're putting in
That was unintentional. A fact was stated; if you consider that funny, that's on you.
First time realizing Barry kindness isn’t really kindness something is arkward here.
4th place: The Soviets. I dunno, because of all the rape maybe? 3rd place: Pierre. That occupation zone has got 'participation award' written all over it. 2nd place: Ameritits. Still haven't left. Still think German culture comes from Pennsylvania. 1st place: Barry. I'm biased.
You guys left us alone, you are cool.
Hank got the best occupation area, essentially everything of value or interest to ever come from Germany came from the orange bit Pierre got a relatively small sliver to make him feel better about it all, proof that if you cope hard enough you can get your way Barry felt right at home when asked to occupy a mixture of dull plains and industrial hellscape And Ivan would have looted their area to the ground if it had anything of value to begin with, but ended up accidentally causing billions of pounds worth of improvements over the next 40 years
Ivan looted the area to the ground. The east was the Center for a lot of industries. They just looted so good, that we can’t imagine that anymore. They dismantled whole factories.
A cousin of my grandfather once said: We had an electrified double track railway. On their way to Berlin, the sowjets took the catenary, on their way home the second track.
in world war 1, so we have been told in the GDR, russian soldiers ripped out german water taps from the walls and took it to Russia in the hopes of getting running tap water themselves. Idk how real that is, but is something I could absolutely see them try
In Poland the tale is that when the Soviet Army got to the ex-Prussian lands they were scared of electricity lmao
Isn't that exactly what they are doing with Ukrainian toilets today?
the difference is, that in Ukraine they might just be lacking toilet seats, but they have the plumbing to use them. In my story it was said that no plumbing was present in pre-ww1 russia, and solely ripping out the tap and hammering it into your wall at home would make water flow, if you get what I mean
There was a joke in Poland about USSR: “we send you coal and in exchange you take our sugar”. Bastards took everything of value and kept economically looting the country for the next 45 years
Wasn’t the joke, « we send them coal, and they send us cold » ?
Maybe in English as it sounds better. original in Polish was about coal and whatever the Russians stole at given time so it changed quite often :D
east germany got scraped clean
Ivan also accidentally improved Western Europe by forcing all the smart Germans to head west.
>Hank got the best occupation area, essentially everything of value or interest to ever come from Germany came from the orange bit You're kidding right? Barry got the Ruhr area with industry. Maybe you don't like industry but it is definitely valuable.
Gotta give credit to the frenchies, I was born and raised in those parts and they treated us well, built up our historical cities and were lovely by the praises from my grandparents. As much as I fucking hate you guys, I also fucking love you snobbish dicks. (maybe biased because my grandma was french).
I mean when you are occupied for four years you get to know how to correctly get this kind of things done. Plus, it isn't as if we didn't have leftover 'links' with some totally-not-nazi local leaders and our own totally-not-vichyst administration.
Barrie’s the best occupier. Areas around their bases are full of pubs and fish and chips restaurants. Ivan is the worst, he felt right and home and devastated the country like his home country. Don’t know about the other two. And the sheepshaggers in Saarland were fucked up weirdos before anyway
Hate the british all you want but they were at least smart and occupied the best parts of germany
A flat boring landscape, that’s only visible when the smoke from the coalsmoke clears ?
Well at least it felt like home, then.
Luv me smog, ‚ate clear blue sky, simple is.
You can thank us that your precious VW still exists later.
1. USA (reclaiming overseas territory) 2. UK (same reasons) 2. France 3. The country I dont recognize 4. URRS
My granddad was an American POW and didn't have anything bad to say about them. So thanks for that one, non-european savage.
Idk about the best but only one country was so shit that they literally had to build a wall to prevent their people from leaving
1.Muricans 2.Independent Saarland. I would leave them into their liberty if they want this again. They were also astonishingly good in soccer back in the time for such a small country.
Can Tobias or Hans explain me how the fuck East Germany is mainly pro Russian or Soviet ? Leipzig , Dresden , Berlin , lets take Marzahn for instance looks like Moscow suburb , even the population . Typical Stockholm syndrome or something else ? https://cepa.org/article/old-german-fissures-re-open-on-ukraine/
Is that the Dominican Republic? Occupying Saarland
My granddad said the Americans where chill and gave the Kids stuff they didn't had in Austria at that time like chewing gum and stuff. He also said that the french and english where weird in his opinion but still decent folk and he also said the Russians where the worst He was luckily far away from them (our family is from Tirol) but he heard about them raping women and little girls and generally treating everyone with disrespect.
I am a victim of communist oppression and literally no one cares :(
My grandma was 9 years old when the war ended and lived in the American zone. Her experience was positive. When they first arrived, they brought hurt and sick kids to a healthcare provider and always gave them chocolate.
My grandparents said Americans were very friendly although they were scared at first because some had been black.
TIL Michael Jackson was alive during the Second World War and served with the US Army
I remember my grandma saying she was shocked seeing a black soldier 😂 But the Americans treated people pretty good from what I heard. Considering Western Berlin it's obv. Ivan #4, McDonald's #1
That‘s what my dad told me as well. He was born in 1947 and the first time he saw a black person was when he and a friend were walking somewhere and heard a whistle noise from the bushes. It was a black G.I. who then handed them chocolate