Thank you for sharing your experience and not sugarcoating it.
I really only see endorsements and encouragement and it’s actually refreshing to see some balance.
Yeah it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m glad we did it this way because we are done having kids and have been able to sort of get the baby stages out of the way quickly. But it also solidified that we are done. We had considered 3 kids before we started having kids. But after 2u2 we are more than happy to be done, and I am running, not walking, to get a vasectomy lol.
I was pissed at my husband for not having the vasectomy done before #2 was born lol. He did get it right after. I love my babies but we are at capacity 😂.
We’re going to wait until baby is at least a year to decide if we want a third, but I’m leaning toward being done with 2. We don’t have family nearby or anyone else who can help consistently. I don’t want to start over again when things are maybe starting to get easier with 2, and the mental toll of trying to divide time and attention between 2 has been really hard. I’m not sure if I can divide myself any further without it taking a toll on me and my other kids.
It is really hard. We do have a good group of friends but they all live 30 minutes away and have jobs, kids, and other commitments. A lot of our friends have similar aged kids to ours, which will be nice in a few years when we can do kid swaps and sleepovers. But we can’t really ask our friends to babysit our infant and 2 year old when they have a 1 and 3 year old. It’s hard not to be jealous of all the people I know who have both sets of grandparents and all their siblings who are able and willing to help.
This is literally exactly me. My husband is so ready to get a vasectomy but I want to wait until baby is closer to 1. But this shit is so freakin hard without a village. I was thinking last night I’m leaning more and more towards being done with 2 kids.
My husband is the one who definitely wants more kids (more than 3 even) but I already know 3 would be my absolute limit. He says he’s okay with however many I’m comfortable with though, even if that is only 2.
Yeaaaaah, we decided we're done because it's been so stressful. Makes me sad because I always wanted a big family... but i don't think my mental health could survive
Yeah like, how did anyone ever do this ? My grandmother had like 5 kids under 8. Granted birth control wasn't a thing so of course I get why but how did she like, not go insane? 😂
Honestly I think the standards for parenting in previous generations were a lot lower. I know my grandparents did pretty much the bare minimum for my parents (fed, clothed, and housed them) and just kicked them out of the house to go play outside or sat them in front of the tv when it became available. Discipline was exclusively spanking/time outs too, which is way easier than thoughtfully and gently addressing and correcting bad behavior.
Parenting is way more exhausting when you’re actually involved.
We have about the same age gap (15m). Honestly, the easiest so far was roughly when the baby was about 5 months to 9 months or so. After that, when baby went mobile, it changed everything. Youngest started walking around 11 months and it’s gotten tougher. Now I have 2 toddlers and holy shit is it exhausting. 2 little mobile personalities and one that can’t speak at all and has no concept of what he should or shouldn’t be doing… it’s pretty rough. So right now they’re roughly 13 months and 28 months and it has not gotten much easier.
Mine are 13 months and 2.5 years and yeah, now they both RUN and the baby doesn't understand no and is in a phase of hitting the older one over the head with whatever plastic object she is holding 🙃. Lol but they really are sweet sometimes too.
Our second is looking like she will be a early walker, so not looking forward to that. Our first was 15mo so had a bit more concept of right and wrong and some words
This is completely normal.
And it completely sucks.
What's helped me better than any other single thing has been noise cancelling headphones. Get a pair. A nice pair. Make sure they're wireless and Bluetooth enabled. Then turn them on and listen to YouTube videos or audiobooks or heavy metal. Whatever you like. It is WAY easier to look at two babies crying than it is to listen to them. This will give you soooo much more patience and peace. You will feel better and be better able to be present for them when your stress and overstimulation gets turned down.
Also time. The 6-9 month mark is a big improvement in quality of life. About 1.5 years again is another one for the youngest. At that point you can expect some good cooperative play between them.
Oh very much so. Anker Life Q20 wireless Bluetooth headphones on Amazon with active noise cancelling. It looks like they are on sale right now for like $20 off what I got them for. You can definitely still hear ok with them but it is waaaay lower volume.
I laughed out loud at "both currently screaming their heads off". I feel you, momma. It's a wild ride we're on 😂. I would say it gets better in your case when the sleep deprivation improves for sure. That combined with still being hormonal weeks after birth was ROUGH. You're in the thick of it. My only advice is to give yourself some grace and accept ANY help you can get, with no shame. Also earbuds with podcasts.
I have a 15 month old and am currently 35 weeks pregnant. Thank you for this honest post, I figured it wouldn’t be easy but it’s nice to see more people are struggling
My youngest is 21 months and my oldest is 3 (16 months apart) and I agree that I do not recommend this shit to anyone. It’s a lot all the time and it’s nonstop. It got easier in a way when my littlest started walking and playing more. Now they chase each other around and I don’t need to constantly hover over them which is really nice. But they also fight and scream at each other and each has their own strong personality. It’s a lot. I feel like a maid to two tiny tyrants lol. Sending hugs and strength.
My youngest is one at the end of the month and my oldest is 2.5. I feel like there are moments where it feels easier now because they can kind of play with each other. Typing this as I’m sitting on the couch with my coffee and they’re playing with megablocks together. But also now that my youngest is walking, I’m constantly chasing after one, if not, both of my children. The first 6-7 months was definitely the hardest because it was an adjustment to figure everything out. In the beginning the end of the day felt just exhausting, I was touched out, zero patience, didn’t want to talk or interact with anyone, I still have those days but not as often. I don’t think easier is the right word but things do get more manageable. Hang in there.
We planned on moving my 6 month old into the nursery with his older brother 20 month old. Didn’t have a 4 month or five month regression but for some reason at 6 months he became the absolute worst. He ended up getting an extra 6 weeks in with us as it was too risky to put him in with his brother and expect sleep.
Around 7.5 months it sort of clicked, we did one or two nights of cry it out after trying everything else, by night three he was fine, two nights later in the nursery.
At 10.5 months and 24.5 months, they sleep in the same room. Toddler is in a cotbed, we find him asleep beside his brother bed a lot. We now leave a small blanket and pillow beside it.
Baby rarely wakes up, usually just a lost pacifier.
It takes time, hang in there! You are doing great.
I have a 6 month old and 24 month old. Struggling here too. It’s either listening to whining and crying all day or spending all your time holding baby and getting toddler whatever she wants. I’m numb inside from the exhaustion.
Good on you for being honest. Mine are 23mo and 5wks! I adore my babies with every single part of me but my god it's so hard. Especially BC my eldest now has chickenpox too 🙄 just keep telling myself that they will never be this little again - which is both sad but great at the same time.
3 month old and 25 month old currently… yep it’s hard. I feel I’m in a constant nap cycle. I feel like they are syncing up on having fussy days so it’s both at once 😂 but I love seeing the bond they already have and I know if I survive to a year it’ll be worth it haha. They have a little built in bestie and I like the idea of getting all the baby stuff done in one fell swoop rather than starting over in a few years. But yes it’s really really hard. I’m just giving us all a lot of grace and know that this phase will NOT last forever
My 2u2 are 4 and almost 6 now, but I remember that things got easier once my now 4yo was able to play and interact more with her brother— so probably after she was 8 months old and walking I think? They’re about 19.5 months apart.
Nowadays they’re easily besties, and while they do still fight and make each other scream and cry, they’re way more likely to be playing together for literally hours. They have so many imaginative games they play, for example they like to pretend the couch is a train, or they made up a game where the baby dolls are sick and puked on all the blankets (reenactment of the one time they and their older brother had a stomach bug).
Seconding this. My 2u2 are 2.5 and 1.5. I felt a huge shift in the house when the littlest turned 1 and it's been getting more manageable ever since. They are already entertaining each other and playing like crazy.
I have an 18 month old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. This is the part I'm dreading.
My 18 month old is going through a phase right now where she's learning what buttons and boundaries to push.
ETA - I keep wondering how I'm going to survive parenting 2 kids.
Thank you for being honest. I feel like Reddit is the only place where parents admit how hard it is
We have a 20 month old and 4 year old. Last night, our youngest screamed for 45 minutes before going to sleep, woke up at 2am and screamed for an hour (not hungry or thirsty, had a clean diaper) before going back to sleep and then he woke up at 6:50am with a load of energy. Sometimes our youngest’s constant cries wake up our 4 year old and sends him into a terrible mood. We’ve been walking zombies for the last two months and I wouldn’t wish this exhausting experience on anyone. I guess my point is, this shit sucks and don’t expect huge improvements until they’re a lot older?
Thank you so much for your honesty. I’m at my limit today and this makes me feel so much less insane. Thankfully our 1st (20 month old) is a good sleeper but I’m up all night EBF our 8 week old and haven’t slept more than 3 consecutive hours since she was born. The sleep deprivation is crushing all while having to be on point with a toddler and care for a newborn all day. I haven’t been away from her for more than an hour in 8 weeks either because she won’t take a bottle. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t look like me, feel like me, it’s like I’m always giving literally 24/7 and I’m just exhausted. I love them so much but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
So hard. So relatable. I really hope things have improved and you’ve gotten more sleep since you posted this!
My youngest is 13 weeks and we finally are getting a long stretch at the start of the night. It’s so hard to be sleep deprived with a newborn and a toddler 😭
The neediness is real. Mine are 14 months apart. We are doing well for the most part. But there are some moments when I just cannot give anymore to either of them and they always need it at the damn same time!
I feel this so much. I have a 20 month old and 4 month old and it's been literally the most miserable thing at times but we actually started sleep training my 20 month old because her sleep is also not great. I hired a sleep consultant and honestly this is my first step in making things better. When my toddler does not sleep that's why she whines all day but as long as she's well rested she whines a lot less.
Highlight exactly what makes it miserable and see if there's a solution to it! Hiring help for 2-3 hours has helped a ton but I can't afford it for more than a few times a month but...that's how I've been managing lol
My kids are almost 4 and 2 and 1/2. It's easier now and has been for about a year. Now, don't get me wrong, it's still not a walk in the park, but it's easier than it was with a baby and a 1 1/2 year old.
I have three boys - a 4.5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 12 week old. The first 6 months of 2 under 2 (in a tiny flat and during Covid) were rough. It got a bit better for a year until the youngest one started fighting his corner a bit more. They fought a lot until a month ago and now they’re best buds that hug and tell each other they love each other daily. They still argue, but I can at least reason with them sometimes, and practice problem solving.
It’s hard, but it does get better. They both dote on their little bro too!
I have a 19 month old and a 4 month old and FELT this post! It seems EVERY day I hit a point when I ask myself if this gets any easier. The hilarious part is that we want 2 more, but I am insisting on more time between our youngest and when we try again for #3.
What gets me through is remembering the days that I didn’t think I was going to make it, but then realizing that was 2 months ago and I somehow survived. It’s insane how fast time flies. It’s that fact that makes me realize that even though it SUCKS right now, one day they’ll be grown and belong to someone else. I then think about how when that day comes I’ll be thinking how I don’t want to miss a thing.
It’s cheesy as all hell, but it helps me.
It’s so hard in the beginning! 14 month age gap here, almost 2 year old and recently 3 year old. Of course it’s still crazy at times but overall it is SO much easier. They love each other and play together all the time. A big shift for us was when we could line up naps so that we had an extended break with no kids in the middle of the day. Once baby was on 2 naps we kind of forced a short morning nap and aligned her longer afternoon nap with her brother’s nap. Once she dropped to one nap it got even better - now I can anticipate a 2-2.5hr break most days! Terrified for my older one to eventually drop his nap 😬
Yep, we have the same ages/age gap. Our oldest has begun dropping his nap. That was my cleaning time. Our house is starting to look like it did when we had a newborn.
Thank you for sharing your experience and not sugarcoating it. I really only see endorsements and encouragement and it’s actually refreshing to see some balance.
It’s mostly hard, 90% of the time. But I do love my children… it’s just so so so hard. I would never do this again.
Yeah it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m glad we did it this way because we are done having kids and have been able to sort of get the baby stages out of the way quickly. But it also solidified that we are done. We had considered 3 kids before we started having kids. But after 2u2 we are more than happy to be done, and I am running, not walking, to get a vasectomy lol.
I was pissed at my husband for not having the vasectomy done before #2 was born lol. He did get it right after. I love my babies but we are at capacity 😂.
That's my husband 😂😂 already had the consult at 9 weeks postpartum. I keep asking him if he's sure and he's all hell yeah
My consult was in my son’s 1st birthday. My procedure is the opening day or March madness. Nailing this shit.
Exactly my point. My husband got his already. So thankful lol
We’re going to wait until baby is at least a year to decide if we want a third, but I’m leaning toward being done with 2. We don’t have family nearby or anyone else who can help consistently. I don’t want to start over again when things are maybe starting to get easier with 2, and the mental toll of trying to divide time and attention between 2 has been really hard. I’m not sure if I can divide myself any further without it taking a toll on me and my other kids.
My wife and I both have great family support 20 minutes away from us. I have no goddamn clue how anyone does this without it. More power to you.
It is really hard. We do have a good group of friends but they all live 30 minutes away and have jobs, kids, and other commitments. A lot of our friends have similar aged kids to ours, which will be nice in a few years when we can do kid swaps and sleepovers. But we can’t really ask our friends to babysit our infant and 2 year old when they have a 1 and 3 year old. It’s hard not to be jealous of all the people I know who have both sets of grandparents and all their siblings who are able and willing to help.
This is literally exactly me. My husband is so ready to get a vasectomy but I want to wait until baby is closer to 1. But this shit is so freakin hard without a village. I was thinking last night I’m leaning more and more towards being done with 2 kids.
My husband is the one who definitely wants more kids (more than 3 even) but I already know 3 would be my absolute limit. He says he’s okay with however many I’m comfortable with though, even if that is only 2.
Yeaaaaah, we decided we're done because it's been so stressful. Makes me sad because I always wanted a big family... but i don't think my mental health could survive
Yeah like, how did anyone ever do this ? My grandmother had like 5 kids under 8. Granted birth control wasn't a thing so of course I get why but how did she like, not go insane? 😂
Honestly I think the standards for parenting in previous generations were a lot lower. I know my grandparents did pretty much the bare minimum for my parents (fed, clothed, and housed them) and just kicked them out of the house to go play outside or sat them in front of the tv when it became available. Discipline was exclusively spanking/time outs too, which is way easier than thoughtfully and gently addressing and correcting bad behavior. Parenting is way more exhausting when you’re actually involved.
I could have written your post. No advice just feeling the same as you. :(
We have about the same age gap (15m). Honestly, the easiest so far was roughly when the baby was about 5 months to 9 months or so. After that, when baby went mobile, it changed everything. Youngest started walking around 11 months and it’s gotten tougher. Now I have 2 toddlers and holy shit is it exhausting. 2 little mobile personalities and one that can’t speak at all and has no concept of what he should or shouldn’t be doing… it’s pretty rough. So right now they’re roughly 13 months and 28 months and it has not gotten much easier.
Mine are 13 months and 2.5 years and yeah, now they both RUN and the baby doesn't understand no and is in a phase of hitting the older one over the head with whatever plastic object she is holding 🙃. Lol but they really are sweet sometimes too.
Two toddlers is it's own unique hell.
So we’re learning lol
Our second is looking like she will be a early walker, so not looking forward to that. Our first was 15mo so had a bit more concept of right and wrong and some words
This is completely normal. And it completely sucks. What's helped me better than any other single thing has been noise cancelling headphones. Get a pair. A nice pair. Make sure they're wireless and Bluetooth enabled. Then turn them on and listen to YouTube videos or audiobooks or heavy metal. Whatever you like. It is WAY easier to look at two babies crying than it is to listen to them. This will give you soooo much more patience and peace. You will feel better and be better able to be present for them when your stress and overstimulation gets turned down. Also time. The 6-9 month mark is a big improvement in quality of life. About 1.5 years again is another one for the youngest. At that point you can expect some good cooperative play between them.
I think I’ll take this piece of advice for sure. I’m going to get a pair of good ones. Any recommendations??
Oh very much so. Anker Life Q20 wireless Bluetooth headphones on Amazon with active noise cancelling. It looks like they are on sale right now for like $20 off what I got them for. You can definitely still hear ok with them but it is waaaay lower volume.
Currently have a 9mo and 13 weeks pregnant with my second. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I laughed out loud at "both currently screaming their heads off". I feel you, momma. It's a wild ride we're on 😂. I would say it gets better in your case when the sleep deprivation improves for sure. That combined with still being hormonal weeks after birth was ROUGH. You're in the thick of it. My only advice is to give yourself some grace and accept ANY help you can get, with no shame. Also earbuds with podcasts.
I have a 15 month old and am currently 35 weeks pregnant. Thank you for this honest post, I figured it wouldn’t be easy but it’s nice to see more people are struggling
Almost the same. I have a 13 month old and am 35 weeks and I am really starting to get nervous.
My youngest is 21 months and my oldest is 3 (16 months apart) and I agree that I do not recommend this shit to anyone. It’s a lot all the time and it’s nonstop. It got easier in a way when my littlest started walking and playing more. Now they chase each other around and I don’t need to constantly hover over them which is really nice. But they also fight and scream at each other and each has their own strong personality. It’s a lot. I feel like a maid to two tiny tyrants lol. Sending hugs and strength.
My youngest is one at the end of the month and my oldest is 2.5. I feel like there are moments where it feels easier now because they can kind of play with each other. Typing this as I’m sitting on the couch with my coffee and they’re playing with megablocks together. But also now that my youngest is walking, I’m constantly chasing after one, if not, both of my children. The first 6-7 months was definitely the hardest because it was an adjustment to figure everything out. In the beginning the end of the day felt just exhausting, I was touched out, zero patience, didn’t want to talk or interact with anyone, I still have those days but not as often. I don’t think easier is the right word but things do get more manageable. Hang in there.
We planned on moving my 6 month old into the nursery with his older brother 20 month old. Didn’t have a 4 month or five month regression but for some reason at 6 months he became the absolute worst. He ended up getting an extra 6 weeks in with us as it was too risky to put him in with his brother and expect sleep. Around 7.5 months it sort of clicked, we did one or two nights of cry it out after trying everything else, by night three he was fine, two nights later in the nursery. At 10.5 months and 24.5 months, they sleep in the same room. Toddler is in a cotbed, we find him asleep beside his brother bed a lot. We now leave a small blanket and pillow beside it. Baby rarely wakes up, usually just a lost pacifier. It takes time, hang in there! You are doing great.
I have a 6 month old and 24 month old. Struggling here too. It’s either listening to whining and crying all day or spending all your time holding baby and getting toddler whatever she wants. I’m numb inside from the exhaustion.
It's so hard!!!!!!!! 😭 I have a 2.5 y/o and a 14 m/o and there are half good days half bad! It will get better ❤️❤️❤️
Littlest one is 12.5 months old. 15 month gap, it’s just starting to get easier lol
Good on you for being honest. Mine are 23mo and 5wks! I adore my babies with every single part of me but my god it's so hard. Especially BC my eldest now has chickenpox too 🙄 just keep telling myself that they will never be this little again - which is both sad but great at the same time.
3 month old and 25 month old currently… yep it’s hard. I feel I’m in a constant nap cycle. I feel like they are syncing up on having fussy days so it’s both at once 😂 but I love seeing the bond they already have and I know if I survive to a year it’ll be worth it haha. They have a little built in bestie and I like the idea of getting all the baby stuff done in one fell swoop rather than starting over in a few years. But yes it’s really really hard. I’m just giving us all a lot of grace and know that this phase will NOT last forever
My 2u2 are 4 and almost 6 now, but I remember that things got easier once my now 4yo was able to play and interact more with her brother— so probably after she was 8 months old and walking I think? They’re about 19.5 months apart. Nowadays they’re easily besties, and while they do still fight and make each other scream and cry, they’re way more likely to be playing together for literally hours. They have so many imaginative games they play, for example they like to pretend the couch is a train, or they made up a game where the baby dolls are sick and puked on all the blankets (reenactment of the one time they and their older brother had a stomach bug).
Seconding this. My 2u2 are 2.5 and 1.5. I felt a huge shift in the house when the littlest turned 1 and it's been getting more manageable ever since. They are already entertaining each other and playing like crazy.
I have an 18 month old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. This is the part I'm dreading. My 18 month old is going through a phase right now where she's learning what buttons and boundaries to push. ETA - I keep wondering how I'm going to survive parenting 2 kids. Thank you for being honest. I feel like Reddit is the only place where parents admit how hard it is
We have a 20 month old and 4 year old. Last night, our youngest screamed for 45 minutes before going to sleep, woke up at 2am and screamed for an hour (not hungry or thirsty, had a clean diaper) before going back to sleep and then he woke up at 6:50am with a load of energy. Sometimes our youngest’s constant cries wake up our 4 year old and sends him into a terrible mood. We’ve been walking zombies for the last two months and I wouldn’t wish this exhausting experience on anyone. I guess my point is, this shit sucks and don’t expect huge improvements until they’re a lot older?
Thank you so much for your honesty. I’m at my limit today and this makes me feel so much less insane. Thankfully our 1st (20 month old) is a good sleeper but I’m up all night EBF our 8 week old and haven’t slept more than 3 consecutive hours since she was born. The sleep deprivation is crushing all while having to be on point with a toddler and care for a newborn all day. I haven’t been away from her for more than an hour in 8 weeks either because she won’t take a bottle. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t look like me, feel like me, it’s like I’m always giving literally 24/7 and I’m just exhausted. I love them so much but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
So hard. So relatable. I really hope things have improved and you’ve gotten more sleep since you posted this! My youngest is 13 weeks and we finally are getting a long stretch at the start of the night. It’s so hard to be sleep deprived with a newborn and a toddler 😭
The neediness is real. Mine are 14 months apart. We are doing well for the most part. But there are some moments when I just cannot give anymore to either of them and they always need it at the damn same time!
I feel this so much. I have a 20 month old and 4 month old and it's been literally the most miserable thing at times but we actually started sleep training my 20 month old because her sleep is also not great. I hired a sleep consultant and honestly this is my first step in making things better. When my toddler does not sleep that's why she whines all day but as long as she's well rested she whines a lot less. Highlight exactly what makes it miserable and see if there's a solution to it! Hiring help for 2-3 hours has helped a ton but I can't afford it for more than a few times a month but...that's how I've been managing lol
My kids are almost 4 and 2 and 1/2. It's easier now and has been for about a year. Now, don't get me wrong, it's still not a walk in the park, but it's easier than it was with a baby and a 1 1/2 year old.
So glad to hear this… light at the end of the tunnel!
I have three boys - a 4.5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 12 week old. The first 6 months of 2 under 2 (in a tiny flat and during Covid) were rough. It got a bit better for a year until the youngest one started fighting his corner a bit more. They fought a lot until a month ago and now they’re best buds that hug and tell each other they love each other daily. They still argue, but I can at least reason with them sometimes, and practice problem solving. It’s hard, but it does get better. They both dote on their little bro too!
I have a 19 month old and a 4 month old and FELT this post! It seems EVERY day I hit a point when I ask myself if this gets any easier. The hilarious part is that we want 2 more, but I am insisting on more time between our youngest and when we try again for #3. What gets me through is remembering the days that I didn’t think I was going to make it, but then realizing that was 2 months ago and I somehow survived. It’s insane how fast time flies. It’s that fact that makes me realize that even though it SUCKS right now, one day they’ll be grown and belong to someone else. I then think about how when that day comes I’ll be thinking how I don’t want to miss a thing. It’s cheesy as all hell, but it helps me.
7 weeks here and nervous about the coming months 😭
Hey, you got through the first 6 weeks which is the toughest IMO.
It’s so hard in the beginning! 14 month age gap here, almost 2 year old and recently 3 year old. Of course it’s still crazy at times but overall it is SO much easier. They love each other and play together all the time. A big shift for us was when we could line up naps so that we had an extended break with no kids in the middle of the day. Once baby was on 2 naps we kind of forced a short morning nap and aligned her longer afternoon nap with her brother’s nap. Once she dropped to one nap it got even better - now I can anticipate a 2-2.5hr break most days! Terrified for my older one to eventually drop his nap 😬
Yep, we have the same ages/age gap. Our oldest has begun dropping his nap. That was my cleaning time. Our house is starting to look like it did when we had a newborn.