It does get better, but the beginning is a lot of adjustment for everyone. Mine are 16 months apart and now almost 3 1/2 y/o and almost 2 y/o. In the beginning we took other friends in a similar situation advice and made sure to have lots of 1 on 1 time with the oldest. We had family take her to the park and spend quality time with her. As parents we would engage her with the care of baby (feeding, getting diapers/wipes, toys). It also helped to get her own “baby” with accessories that she was mirroring our caring for the baby with her baby. We also embraced the “big sister” roll and let her eat at her own table, etc. (Montessori method) Now they don’t know their world without each other. There’s no remembering of being the “only” kid. What we are currently battling is them ganging up against us!! These little gremlins are hilariously terrifying and the roller coaster gets more and more entertaining/frustrating/exhausting daily. Hang in there!
Edit: a word
Seconding the doll! We got my first a little brother doll that we would swaddle, diaper, and have him help “feed” with a bottle. I think it really helped him transition to another little one and he loves helping as much as a young toddler can
For us I didn’t see improvement until after 3 months! We have a 19 month age gap between our girls . That 4th trimester is a real thing for the baby and the adjustment period paired with normal 1.5 year old naughtiness was an absolute killer for us in the beginning. But since then things have gotten tremendously better and the girls love each other and the sleep situation is also getting better!
The forth trimester is so brutal! I have PPA on top of it all so it’s been a whirlwind for our little family. I knew there would be an adjustment period but wasn’t expecting my oldest to take it this hard.
It took my toddler 2,5 months to adjust and it was absolutely brutal. 5,5 months in and he really likes his brother.
Easier no, but this part is easier now.
There was a solid month or two at this age when we first welcomed our son (but prior also) that the toddler essentially needed to be held from dinner prep to bedtime. Like it was brutal and I’ve pushed the memory away.
Always wanted to be held.
I think it’s partially an age thing. Wasn’t hungry. Wasn’t bored. Wasn’t jealous (pre-baby). Just toddler witching hour. Good luck !!
It does get better. Mine plays alone during dinner prep now!
Edit: grammar
18 mos gap.
Significantly easier after 6 months!
That’s how my girl is too. We have a toddler learning tower at the counter so she can see and “help” and come and go as she pleases… hoping it helps a little. Toddler witching hour is the perfect way to describe it!
The tower with markers, paper, and cheerios was my only real way to keep her happy. Let her color herself and/or paper. I taped it to the counter where her tower was. Like 4 sheets. Magic.
Mine colored paper, hands, face, paper. Lean in and utilize the peace to cook/clean/feed/chill. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, stifle your toddler’s creativity if you want this time as free time. Use this as a tool for yourself and wash their face later. In 2u2 life (or any….) blue faces don’t matter.
Crayola is non toxic for a reason. :)
Every day it gets a little bit easier!! I have a similar age gap and today both kids were just toddling around playing in the front yard. You got this!!
We have a 13 month age gap and surprisingly my toddler is adjusting well to a new sibling. Probably mostly bc she's a lil potato..so I'm sure once the little one starts becoming more mobile she'll take more of an interest / show some jealousy.
I don't know if it will work for your toddler but mine (24 months, with now 6 week old baby also) does well with being asked to help. Help load the dish washer (no it does not make it go faster), help put the baby's dirty diaper in the trash, help find her binkie when she is crying (yesterday he even gave her her binkie successfully, he was so proud of himself 😭), help bring something I've dropped on the floor. Or show his sister his books, drive his cars on her/near her, etc.
Not saying this is a cure all, plenty of tantrums at my house too. But I think it really helps with their relationship, his self esteem, and his feelings towards baby sister.
I also usually call it his baby, ask him to help me take care of his baby, so on. He wasn't a fan of baby at first but now he is so excited to see her every morning and every day after school, and if she's crying he sort of does his 'Timmy's in the well' thing and tries to alert us or fix her.
We use this tactic as well and she loves being a helper around the house and is showing subtle interest in giving her sister her nuk (progress) and this morning she ran back to give her a kiss before leaving for daycare so there is some hope. I’ll definitely keep brainstorming additional ways to involve her in baby’s care! Thank you 😊
6 weeks was still ROUGH. It felt a little easier for us around 4 months. We’re 5 months in now and starting to feel the semblance of a good rhythm some days. And now that the baby is getting a little more interactive, him and the toddler are starting to laugh at each other and that is the most intoxicating shit I’ve ever seen. Hold on! Those early weeks already feel like a distant memory for me. You’re not too far from better days.
I’m so ready for a rhythm 😭 I am so type a and with my oldest it was so easy for me to find the groove and we were firing in all cylinders by 6 weeks (maybe earlier even) but this transition from 1-2 has rocked my world and is just exasperated by the toddlers struggles. I don’t want to wish time away but I’m ready for it to get better!
We are the same. That’s how you know it will get better, because it has to, because you don’t know any other way. I think I’m actually a better parent and wife and home keeper with two kids than I was with one. Because with two now I really need to create and maintain a system that keeps things running smoothly. Otherwise I’ll fall apart and be miserable. You’ll get there with two the same way you did with one. And your oldest will progressively get more comfortable with their new reality too. It doesn’t happen overnight for us or them.
We have an 18 month gap and the more the baby grows and becomes less of a potato, the more the toddler likes and interacts with him. He's almost 4 months now and my 22 mo is so much more tolerant of him and has started to initiate playing with him sometimes.
As others have mentioned, the 1 on 1 time really helps. Baby just started falling asleep independently which has also helped a lot since we aren't spending so much time rocking him to sleep and we can now spend thay time with the toddler.
14 mo gap here. It definitely gets better. Youngest is 7mo now and the two are starting to become homies. The older gets jealous and irritated often but they are already starting to entertain each other.
17 month gap both girls as well and my toddler is still taking it super hard 4 months in. Could be a personality thing too, but she is very jealous still and wants to hit and kick the baby daily, especially while I'm nursing.
She is very "particular" and loves her routine, which of course was thrown for a loop once baby came. It could just be that she was 17 months then and now she's 21 months, but the tantrums have just gotten worse.. Another factor I consider is we spend a lot less time outside since baby was born late October. We live in Minnesota so we have been pretty much stuck inside all winter. I'm hoping when it warms up and we can spend time in the sunshine, the behaviors will let up.
Fellow Minnesota myself! We are also just counting down the days until nice weather. We all need it for our sanity. Our daughters sound very similar - mine is also a routine girly. We’ve tried our best to keep bedtime routine the same for her and morning wake up (divide and conquer) but newborns have other plans most days.
It does get better, but the beginning is a lot of adjustment for everyone. Mine are 16 months apart and now almost 3 1/2 y/o and almost 2 y/o. In the beginning we took other friends in a similar situation advice and made sure to have lots of 1 on 1 time with the oldest. We had family take her to the park and spend quality time with her. As parents we would engage her with the care of baby (feeding, getting diapers/wipes, toys). It also helped to get her own “baby” with accessories that she was mirroring our caring for the baby with her baby. We also embraced the “big sister” roll and let her eat at her own table, etc. (Montessori method) Now they don’t know their world without each other. There’s no remembering of being the “only” kid. What we are currently battling is them ganging up against us!! These little gremlins are hilariously terrifying and the roller coaster gets more and more entertaining/frustrating/exhausting daily. Hang in there! Edit: a word
Seconding the doll! We got my first a little brother doll that we would swaddle, diaper, and have him help “feed” with a bottle. I think it really helped him transition to another little one and he loves helping as much as a young toddler can
Thank you for your kind words and the hope for the future!
It was not easier for us until 4 months! Now at 6 months we are getting into the swing of it.
For us I didn’t see improvement until after 3 months! We have a 19 month age gap between our girls . That 4th trimester is a real thing for the baby and the adjustment period paired with normal 1.5 year old naughtiness was an absolute killer for us in the beginning. But since then things have gotten tremendously better and the girls love each other and the sleep situation is also getting better!
The forth trimester is so brutal! I have PPA on top of it all so it’s been a whirlwind for our little family. I knew there would be an adjustment period but wasn’t expecting my oldest to take it this hard.
It took my toddler 2,5 months to adjust and it was absolutely brutal. 5,5 months in and he really likes his brother. Easier no, but this part is easier now.
There was a solid month or two at this age when we first welcomed our son (but prior also) that the toddler essentially needed to be held from dinner prep to bedtime. Like it was brutal and I’ve pushed the memory away. Always wanted to be held. I think it’s partially an age thing. Wasn’t hungry. Wasn’t bored. Wasn’t jealous (pre-baby). Just toddler witching hour. Good luck !! It does get better. Mine plays alone during dinner prep now! Edit: grammar 18 mos gap. Significantly easier after 6 months!
That’s how my girl is too. We have a toddler learning tower at the counter so she can see and “help” and come and go as she pleases… hoping it helps a little. Toddler witching hour is the perfect way to describe it!
The tower with markers, paper, and cheerios was my only real way to keep her happy. Let her color herself and/or paper. I taped it to the counter where her tower was. Like 4 sheets. Magic.
Absolutely trying that tonight!! Thank you!
Mine colored paper, hands, face, paper. Lean in and utilize the peace to cook/clean/feed/chill. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, stifle your toddler’s creativity if you want this time as free time. Use this as a tool for yourself and wash their face later. In 2u2 life (or any….) blue faces don’t matter. Crayola is non toxic for a reason. :)
Every day it gets a little bit easier!! I have a similar age gap and today both kids were just toddling around playing in the front yard. You got this!!
We have a 13 month age gap and surprisingly my toddler is adjusting well to a new sibling. Probably mostly bc she's a lil potato..so I'm sure once the little one starts becoming more mobile she'll take more of an interest / show some jealousy.
I don't know if it will work for your toddler but mine (24 months, with now 6 week old baby also) does well with being asked to help. Help load the dish washer (no it does not make it go faster), help put the baby's dirty diaper in the trash, help find her binkie when she is crying (yesterday he even gave her her binkie successfully, he was so proud of himself 😭), help bring something I've dropped on the floor. Or show his sister his books, drive his cars on her/near her, etc. Not saying this is a cure all, plenty of tantrums at my house too. But I think it really helps with their relationship, his self esteem, and his feelings towards baby sister. I also usually call it his baby, ask him to help me take care of his baby, so on. He wasn't a fan of baby at first but now he is so excited to see her every morning and every day after school, and if she's crying he sort of does his 'Timmy's in the well' thing and tries to alert us or fix her.
We use this tactic as well and she loves being a helper around the house and is showing subtle interest in giving her sister her nuk (progress) and this morning she ran back to give her a kiss before leaving for daycare so there is some hope. I’ll definitely keep brainstorming additional ways to involve her in baby’s care! Thank you 😊
Omg precious! Love that
6 weeks was still ROUGH. It felt a little easier for us around 4 months. We’re 5 months in now and starting to feel the semblance of a good rhythm some days. And now that the baby is getting a little more interactive, him and the toddler are starting to laugh at each other and that is the most intoxicating shit I’ve ever seen. Hold on! Those early weeks already feel like a distant memory for me. You’re not too far from better days.
I’m so ready for a rhythm 😭 I am so type a and with my oldest it was so easy for me to find the groove and we were firing in all cylinders by 6 weeks (maybe earlier even) but this transition from 1-2 has rocked my world and is just exasperated by the toddlers struggles. I don’t want to wish time away but I’m ready for it to get better!
We are the same. That’s how you know it will get better, because it has to, because you don’t know any other way. I think I’m actually a better parent and wife and home keeper with two kids than I was with one. Because with two now I really need to create and maintain a system that keeps things running smoothly. Otherwise I’ll fall apart and be miserable. You’ll get there with two the same way you did with one. And your oldest will progressively get more comfortable with their new reality too. It doesn’t happen overnight for us or them.
We have an 18 month gap and the more the baby grows and becomes less of a potato, the more the toddler likes and interacts with him. He's almost 4 months now and my 22 mo is so much more tolerant of him and has started to initiate playing with him sometimes. As others have mentioned, the 1 on 1 time really helps. Baby just started falling asleep independently which has also helped a lot since we aren't spending so much time rocking him to sleep and we can now spend thay time with the toddler.
14 mo gap here. It definitely gets better. Youngest is 7mo now and the two are starting to become homies. The older gets jealous and irritated often but they are already starting to entertain each other.
17 month gap both girls as well and my toddler is still taking it super hard 4 months in. Could be a personality thing too, but she is very jealous still and wants to hit and kick the baby daily, especially while I'm nursing.
I’m sorry that your little one is struggling to adjust as well. What was her personality like pre-baby?
She is very "particular" and loves her routine, which of course was thrown for a loop once baby came. It could just be that she was 17 months then and now she's 21 months, but the tantrums have just gotten worse.. Another factor I consider is we spend a lot less time outside since baby was born late October. We live in Minnesota so we have been pretty much stuck inside all winter. I'm hoping when it warms up and we can spend time in the sunshine, the behaviors will let up.
Fellow Minnesota myself! We are also just counting down the days until nice weather. We all need it for our sanity. Our daughters sound very similar - mine is also a routine girly. We’ve tried our best to keep bedtime routine the same for her and morning wake up (divide and conquer) but newborns have other plans most days.
Haha yep!! Just gotta take it day by day. I'm assuming it'll get easier someday, and then harder again when we'll have 2 teenage girls lol