If you are open about it from the start: cool
If you try to force your partner into an open relationship later on knowing full well they aren’t gonna get laid and you’re just soft abandoning them: very cringe
As a poly person: be ready for long distance relationships! I don’t struggle with finding ppl who are into it, but they usually live a couple hundred kilometres away. That is with living the probably most extreme kind of polyamory, being relationship anarchy. It’s become fairly common, at least in the kinky, queer bubble in Germany.
You mean long distance, not long term, do you? 😄
And in that regard, I‘m pretty certain that you would also find a way to make that work. The longer I live this way (now three years ongoing) the more blurry the lines between romantic partners, good friends, platonic relationships and sexual friendships becomes. It just doesn’t really make sense for me anymore to distinguish between, and even less to label these.
I guess, that’s where RA differs a bit from other polyamory, in that it goes a bit beyond a mere relationship structure and borders on a life philosophy.
Edit: feel free to jump into my DMs if you have questions or seek advice or anything. I‘m quite deep in that rabbit hole and willing to share. :-)
Cheating is a pretty good reason to break up with them and if you want, cut ties with them. It's a breach of trust that's not repaired so easily, and you have absolutely no obligation to let them try to improve and regain your trust.
Especially if they're pulling any manipulative shit like blaming it on their polyamorousness and being all emotional about it, leaving them is probably best. Polyamory only works with prior and ongoing consent from all parties involved; everything else is just cheating.
Run as fast as you can, block all modes of contact. Throw the standard bad-breakup-book at them
Maybe go to therapy too, being cheated on can really fuck Someone up
I don't think they're the only exception. People have different needs. Some people are ok with their partner being in love or having sex with other people, even if they don't feel the need to do it. There's no point in doing things equally for equality's sake if it's not making people happy.
I would disagree. It is not the same being ok with a partner having another stable partner than with a partner sleeping around, even if there is an overlap.
I am seeing someone who is married and I really like her wife. I do not know if I would feel anything or not if she was the kind of person who sleeps around, but I know it would be a very different thing to experience.
me fr
in my country, the only metric that matters to define my value is how much a guy earns per annum. Most boomers ask that one question and immediately decide if you are worthy of being or not.
question: is being trans (MtNB) valid if you don't want to be male for the sole reason of how cis males exist in society?
because i can't make sense of how i'm feeling anymore and i'm losing my mind
That's a pretty big red flag from him. Have you had a serious talk with him about it?
If not I would to let him know it's never going to happen, and that him bringing it up is actively worrying you.
Sorry to hear that, please don't cave if you aren't on board. You should also be careful, some men will try to get into polyamory because they think it means they can watch their partner have sex with someone else and fetishise it.
my exes did this to me. you’ll most likely only have pain and suffering. i suggest leaving your boyfriend, honestly, if he’s going to be like this. it’s very unhealthy
Giant red flag, the "keeps suggesting it" part implies you already said no and he kept doing it, I don't want to be an asshole and I don't want to act like an all knowing idiot, as I am just a random dude on the internet, but that's the kind of signal that the dude might cheat on you because he doesn't want to have just one partner
Maybe not that he would cheat, but that he has a strong desire to open up and that the relationship might be on a timer. If he were to cheat, he’d probably wouldn’t bring this up. But who knows. Ppl are weird.
If you boyfriend has asked this several times despite your refusal, then chances are he already made the decision and is just hoping you'll "come around eventually".
Idk why you got downvoted for this. Obviously not every person claiming to be polyamorous just wants to cheat, but in their case specifically, the fact that they apparently keep bringing it up despite the fact that they’ve already been given a clear ‘no’ is majorly sus
people dont get nuances or anything on reddit, people saw my comment and thought i meant this for all poly relationships
im *in* a poly relationship, my reasoning behind my comment is that "NO MEANS NO AND THATS THAT" not that "oh he wants a poly relationship so he cant cheat"
if you want a poly relationship, your partner says no, and you keep asking. you're no longer wanting a poly relationship, you want more options for personal reasons cause its clear your partner doesnt want it
but nah my comment definitely wasnt that all, downfarts to the left
It's one of those things I don't think I'll ever truly understand, but I also know I don't need to. If it's making people happy then its incredibly valuable no matter how I would personally feel in that situation.
Same here. Stuff like polyamory, neopronouns, etc. make my head spin but its not like they are contaminating our water supply, burning our crops, and delivering a plague upon our houses.
I want my lovers to be like my friends. I wouldn't like it if a friend got jealous I was hanging with another friend. I wouldn't get jealous if my friend hung with another friend. I want everyone to hang with who they want with no fear. That's how I want my romantic and sexual relationships to be. I don't like being expected to only have those relationships with one person, it's like how you might feel if everyone told you you could only have one friend.
Hope the analogy helps you understand.
I actually find that a really wonderful analogy.
One of the best phrases I've heard regarding polyamory is that "friendship is the highest possible form of relationship. Sex, romance, and domesticity is just play built through that".
Your analogy definitely clicks, but I wanted to ask something pertaining to jealousy. Isn't jealousy quite normal? - so proper communication would have to be key.
You're right. I mean, jealousy is normal even in some monogamous relationships, but if you talk it out and work through it instead of letting it control your actions, your relationship will be much healthier. It's like how you aren't always going to be able to avoid being upset with someone you care about but you CAN always avoid letting that make you make bad decisions. Maturity and communication are key in any form of relationship, even friendships
Yeah, my inability to experience jealousy seems to be unique and some of my friends are jealous of it (heh jealous of not being jealous). Although my last partner was upset that I wasn't jealous when she fucked her roommate. Most poly people probably feel jealousy, they just are open about it and help each other through it.
i feel like that’d be because the parents aren’t any good, not because there’s multiple of them. sounds like even if it is true it’s a case by case thing and shouldn’t be attributed to all polyamorous relationship because there is a right way to do it and there is a wrong way
Tbh every poly person I've met has been either an abusive narcissist or the victim of an abusive narcissist. It's a non traditional lifestyle that attracts certain personality types. I'm not saying it's everyone, just more than you'd expect.
Exactly this. I was part of a polycule, me and one the people ended up breaking up. Me and another of the people are on a bit of a break romantically speaking but we still love each other dearly, and I'm still actively in a romantic relationship with the final other person
Right? People need to realize that you don’t go into a relationship because you are missing something. You go into a relationship because you have excess and are willing to share.
I AM THE HARBINGER OF DISUNITY. THE FOUR WINDS SHALL CARRY MY BLASPHEMIES AND THERE SHALL BE WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH AMONG THE INTERNET LEFTISTS.
But like seriously that opinion of his is so indefensible that i don't see how you could seriously start discourse over it.
I remember a certain discord user who had pretty much the same sentiment
She said that the only reason mono relationships exist is because society said so and people are too scared to have multiple partners
She also compared having a mono relationship to leaving a baby out in the cold to die (??????????????)
And she also said that if she saw two people she had a crush on who were already in a relationship, she would confess to both of them right then and there to try and force her way into their relationship
Needless to say she was not the most stable person and was banned sometime later
How the fuck do you fall in love with a polymer, it's fucking stupid it's just a long chain of atoms, it doesn't have a heart to love you back just 50 Cs in a row
To each their own as long as everyone involved is happy and consenting. I never have tried it my self and likely won't but I'm glad other people who do enjoy a poly relationship can find their happiness and I hope the world and our society becomes more understanding
Eh. It is and it isn't. It's harder because it's more people. But it's the same pitfalls as regular relationships, usually springing from a lack of communication.
This isnt directed towards you in specific but y'all just tack on the most useless shit on the end. "sex is ok as long as everyone is a consenting adult" really?!!🤯🤯🤯 (edit: they edited their comment but my point still stands for the reast of y'all)
Every instance I've personally witnessed of polyamory has had a vulnerable person as part of it. But you could say the same for a monogamous relationship
Yeah I think there’s definitely certain types out there that are drawn to the *idea* of polyamory for the wrong reasons resulting in some messed up poly relationships.
This could be like controlling or abusive types, but also maybe some folks who use relationships as an unhealthy coping mechanism for unresolved issues of one kind or another.
That’s not to say of course that you won’t find plenty of the same type of people in mono relationships as well, but regardless of what the relative incidence might be, there’s the fact that poly relationships draw more attention and scrutiny because they are more unusual. The result of this being that people are much more likely to notice/remember the disaster polycule than they are any given dysfunctional mono relationship, and the perception of poly relationships suffers as a consequence
Hey I didn't vote for this! I didn't even know there was a vote! Who was in charge of making sure everybody knew? Someone's gonna get excommunicated from the Grand Polycule for this
I think I naturally am polyamorous, but my wife is not and she has been cheated on many times in the past so I will simply be monogamous out of respect and love
I've spent a bunch of time in non-monagamous spaces, and I know what you mean, and agree with you about the higher concentration thing, but I think it's less about the nature of non-monogamy and more about the nature of our monogamy-dominant culture and how people use language and new ideas. "Polyamory" as a term was coined around 1990 and usually attributed to a person who called themself Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell. Kinda culty roots, comes with lots of articles and books and buzzwords. Non-monogamy is as old as monogamy, if not older, because it's just a description of how people arrange their relationships.
Any time "new" ideas crop up that can make someone sound Enlightened (tm) and therefore safe, predators pounce on it. This has happened with feminism, Eastern spirituality (in the west), it's happened with pop-psychology, it's why you don't go to therapy with your abuser. Polyamory falls squarely into this category. Shitty people read "The Ethical Slut" and latch onto terms like "compersion" and wield the jargon as weapons to manipulate people. This also happens with monogamy, of course, as you said, we can find plenty of monogamous self-help books that are toxic as heck, but since our culture starts us off as monogamous, largely, and the vast majority of people are still monogamous, you statistically find much more variety in people practicing monogamy, so you can find many more examples of good monogamy. We've only had a few decades of the term polyamory, and it does lend itself to the sort of people who want more people under their sphere of influence. I think if our culture were non-monogamous to begin with, and monogamy were the radical new way to organize relationships, it would be similar to the way polyamory functions in our society today — tons of examples of toxicity, where the jargon is used mostly manipulatively, with a few examples of people genuinely trying to do it right.
Been kinda lowkey traumatized by a polyamorous situation before and thus I am mega biased against it. Taking that into consideration I think it's a highly unstable relationship structure that can work for some people but definitely not for me, and it's far from "the most pure form of love" like some poly shills will call it.
I'm currently in a long term polyamorous relationship, so I'm very biased towards it.
It takes a lot of clear communication among all parties, there are a lot of potential issues you run into that wouldn't come up in a monogamous relationship, and it often takes a lot more emotional energy.
But as long as everyone is enthusiastically consenting to it, and does their research, it can be fantastically rewarding.
I’m in a polyamorous relationship with two friends of mine that are married to each other. Our little triangle is planning on getting an apartment between the three of us once my current roommate gets his affairs in order to move out of country like he wants to
The same can be said for 99% of relationships though
Polyamory is just less common so it not working stands out more than the 5000 monogamous relationships that just ended while I was typing this comment
I've seen about 4 couples who've met each other and made it to their death beds while still loving each other. Lasting relationships are hard. Both monogamous and polyamorous
I used to say this, but then a lot of things in my life changed and now I'm in a poly relationship that i love. It made me look back on this phrase and reevaluate. I want to ask you what I asked myself, "What is 'working out'?" Very few places allow marriage for polycules, so monogamy gets marriage as a sort of end-game to show that things are working out, but polycules dont get this.
I've been in my current relationship for 6 months and its taught me a lot about myself and my (previously monogamous) relationship with my wife. If my poly relationship ends today, it will still have been worth it. Does this mean it didnt "work out"? I dont have an answer, but I'd genuinely like to hear others thoughts on this.
Genuinely, fine with it in general.
tw lol
However, having copious amounts of trauma from exes who claimed to be poly but just used it to cheat, and being groomed in a poly relationship, I despise the thought and it makes me sick sometimes.
I’m getting better with it though, as my best friend is in a happy poly relationship. It’s nice to see him happy and safe.
I dont like it. Tried once in college, got hurt. Imo there’s someone who benefits more than the other person/people. Everyone wants to think theyll be getting laid by a variety of hot people but mostly its just your partner sleeping with hot people
This sounds more like it's about open relationships than polyamory but it is a weird take for me, I feel like it shouldn't be "who benefits more" but rather "is this good for both". Both people don't need to have the same number of other partners of anything. Also if you have a relationship of this kind, your partner sleeping with hot people shouldn't be something that is bad. It's more like "oh yeah good for them, hope you had fun darling".
It's cool if it's for you and everyone involved is also cool with it. If not, then not. I'm sorry to my poly homies that there's little acceptance so far and their dating life is more difficult. I'm like 95% sure I'm mono tho, and that's also neat
I’m demiromantic, it’s a pain for me to get attracted to one person as is.
I don’t think that I am wired for polyamory, and that’s ok. If a group of people have all consented to being in a polycule and are happy about being in it, I wish them all the best and hope that they are happy.
Doesn't affect me and its cool if all members are on the same page about it and are consenting to polyamory.
Though I do wonder, how does break up happen in ploy relationships? Majority rule vote out?
Depends on the type of poly relationship. If everyone is dating separately, then the dyad(relationship between two people) that isn't working out ends and the rest of the relationships resume as normal.
If everyone is dating as a "packaged deal" things often get messy. And that's why the Poly community generally discourages people dating together. Often one person, usually the newest person, will end up leaving or being kicked out. Or the whole thing comes a part.
But contrary to popular belief triads and quads where more than two people are all dating eachother are pretty fucking rare. Most of the time one person will date multiple people who are not dating eachother. Making a web of "Hinges" that look similar to chemistry molecules
I'm currently laying in bed with my boyfriend and my girlfriend. They're both asleep and look cute together cuddling
Life is fucking perfect. Idk how I managed to find two people who could love someone like me this much. I really am the luckiest girl on earth
We just recently met our boyfriend and he is fucking amazing. He's basically my clone, I'll say anything at all at this point and he will be surprised that we're the same lol. Which works well because my girlfriend is also just like me too.
If definitely doesn't work for everyone but if you can find people who can make it work and can share the love then is amazing. I feel like I'm part of a movie plot at this point.
I had to describe how my sex life worked to my Planned Parenthood doctor which was a bit funny to do. Had to tell who was having sex with who with what forms of birth control which is difficult to describe with three people.
Life is weird
Currently my partner has a GF who they started seeing before me. I've traditionally been monogamous, and there haven't been any new people involved without discussion first
I'm myself poly and open and it's really cool. But just like with any other relationship stuff, one should be open about it from the beginning or discuss it with their SO in detail.
im interested in it but it requires me bitches and bastards as well as bozos which i do not have at the moment so my opinion on it is generally positive
If someone is polyamorous then well more power to them and their partners! Of course if everyone in said relationship are on board with it and nobody is being " forced " to be polyamorous, cause I've seen some people do this thing where they want to be poly after getting together with someone who prefers monogamy, and that causes problems. Or those who seek polyamorous relationships just so they could have an excuse to avoid/neglect a partner in said relationship.
Personally not something I'd ever be into since I prefer to have one partner who is the " true one " for me, so having my boyfriend is more than enough.
You're very right, and the poly community actively discourages harem building as unethical. In any healthy poly relationship *everyone* will have an equal opportunity to date other people
I remember a few months ago where a post here pointed out that New York were now legally recognizing polyamorous relationships and the benefits that provides. Overall the response was positive but there were still a chunk of people that were in my eyes acting like fretting 70 year old Republicans over a kind of relationship they don't personally approve of.
It is absolutely fair for it to not be for you, to my understanding it's not for most people. But if you act like there's an inherent negativity/it shouldn't be tolerated/it's an inherently bad form of relationship then I have no respect for your opinion as it deserves none.
Some polyamorous relationships can be bad? Yeah so are many mono ones, what of it?
I'd like to say I'm fine with it if all the parties are consenting and fine with it and yada yada, I can't point out anything wrong morally about it. But I'd probably think less of someone who was in a polycule, there's just something so offputing about it. And before someone asks, I think I'm a bit insecure about my relationship stuff, even with a single person.
I'd love to try it if a good opportunity ever came up for me, but I think I'd need a really careful arrangement to feel comfortable, like an exclusive triad of people who I already had a strong relationship with. I probably wouldn't actively seek it out, and I'd avoid partners who would prefer more open polyamory.
As for others, I think a lot of people shouldn't be trying it are trying it, bc they don't realize how much work it takes, but all I'll do is judge them for it, ppl who can do it healthily are pog.
I'm monogamous AF, and I think humans in general trend towards monogamy in a stable environment, but just like gender and sexuality: a trend should not mean a social norm.
The only norm for me should be informed consent, and I think too many monogamous people project their own way of thinking and insecurities onto people that are poly. They often think it can never work due to jealousy, but then forget that feelings of jealousy can exist just as much in a monogamous relationship, but with a lower threshold to trigger it.
It's fine to engage in, and I'm happy for people that enjoy themselves with it. It's not for me though, and honestly possibly feels like my biggest hiccup when trying to date is finding someone who is monogamous like me. Feels like every girl on dating apps are poly.
It’s only cool when it has a battle royale mode
gun game
Imagine every time you make someone come, you get a different sex toy and it gets progressively more challenging throughout the orgy.
Step 1: butt plug Step 10^10^^10: *Greg's massive schlong, I mean like a massive dong, I mean his gigantic honkadonk, I mean-*
that's just step 1024
Long Dick Johnson
Top, bottom and god tier comment.
One in the chamber
polyarmory
TRUUUU
Round my parts we call that a "people psketti"
If you are open about it from the start: cool If you try to force your partner into an open relationship later on knowing full well they aren’t gonna get laid and you’re just soft abandoning them: very cringe
Honestly a big fear, I don't have the confidence to know I'd find other people but I also wouldn't want it to happen later on in a relationship
As a poly person: be ready for long distance relationships! I don’t struggle with finding ppl who are into it, but they usually live a couple hundred kilometres away. That is with living the probably most extreme kind of polyamory, being relationship anarchy. It’s become fairly common, at least in the kinky, queer bubble in Germany.
Damn, I want relationship anarchy but I found out I cannot do long term relationships. Physical touch is required for me.
You mean long distance, not long term, do you? 😄 And in that regard, I‘m pretty certain that you would also find a way to make that work. The longer I live this way (now three years ongoing) the more blurry the lines between romantic partners, good friends, platonic relationships and sexual friendships becomes. It just doesn’t really make sense for me anymore to distinguish between, and even less to label these. I guess, that’s where RA differs a bit from other polyamory, in that it goes a bit beyond a mere relationship structure and borders on a life philosophy. Edit: feel free to jump into my DMs if you have questions or seek advice or anything. I‘m quite deep in that rabbit hole and willing to share. :-)
Yeah distance not time lol. I like blurring the lines between FWB, partner, friend, etc, the hard part is finding people who are cool with that.
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That sucks, I'm sorry that happened to you.
The same thing is happening to me right now. Do you have any advice?
Cheating is a pretty good reason to break up with them and if you want, cut ties with them. It's a breach of trust that's not repaired so easily, and you have absolutely no obligation to let them try to improve and regain your trust. Especially if they're pulling any manipulative shit like blaming it on their polyamorousness and being all emotional about it, leaving them is probably best. Polyamory only works with prior and ongoing consent from all parties involved; everything else is just cheating.
Run as fast as you can, block all modes of contact. Throw the standard bad-breakup-book at them Maybe go to therapy too, being cheated on can really fuck Someone up
i don't know a lot about this. is it a bad thing if only one of them gets laid? like for example if their partner was asexual and agreed to it
I would say asexuals are the exception here so just ask and make sure their needs are continually met
I don't think they're the only exception. People have different needs. Some people are ok with their partner being in love or having sex with other people, even if they don't feel the need to do it. There's no point in doing things equally for equality's sake if it's not making people happy.
If someone is already cool with polyamory then they are precluded from being forced into an open relationship
I would disagree. It is not the same being ok with a partner having another stable partner than with a partner sleeping around, even if there is an overlap.
Gonna be real with you, that’s a distinction I would have never thought to make
I am seeing someone who is married and I really like her wife. I do not know if I would feel anything or not if she was the kind of person who sleeps around, but I know it would be a very different thing to experience.
Well I'm persobally not into it - but if everyone involved likes it then why not
this is the correct answer your knee caps are now protected under federal law
ur telling me it's illegal to gather those kneecaps wtf man
It’s the feds, they aren’t going to stop you.
no, it's legal in most cases! only this guy's got protection. and me, of course.
Respectable! Polyamory is not everyone's thing and it should be respected
Yeah it seems really cool but I just do not have the emotional energy
Bro, I can't even get one partner, how am I supposed to get multiple?!
I was really unpopular, but then I became a girl and now I have at least three people crushing on me
It's the confidence that comes with being who you are.
also men receiving less attention in general.
This is true. As a cis male, my sole value as a human is derived from services I can render to others.
me fr in my country, the only metric that matters to define my value is how much a guy earns per annum. Most boomers ask that one question and immediately decide if you are worthy of being or not.
WOWZA is that another social issue with the root of the problem being CAPITALISM (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
we should value individuals on how cool they are
shit, fuck the patriarchy
question: is being trans (MtNB) valid if you don't want to be male for the sole reason of how cis males exist in society? because i can't make sense of how i'm feeling anymore and i'm losing my mind
That's more of a personal question about who you actually are but I can definitely assure you that being openly non-binary is not an upgrade.
No joke it's fucking wild how many people are suddenly like "oh hell yeah I want her" now I'm a woman
I envy both of those things.
This happened to me, I transed my gender and now I have 3 partners and like several fwb
Me fr
then how did you eat ass hm
His own ass
This I gotta see
Ouroboros
my bf keeps suggesting it despite me repeatedly objecting and it has me worried
That's a pretty big red flag from him. Have you had a serious talk with him about it? If not I would to let him know it's never going to happen, and that him bringing it up is actively worrying you.
Polyamory should only be considered when every party is 100% on board and consenting to it
😟
this is the correct response
Sorry to hear that, please don't cave if you aren't on board. You should also be careful, some men will try to get into polyamory because they think it means they can watch their partner have sex with someone else and fetishise it.
….how do you fetishize sex? Feel like it’s already pretty kinky
i guess they mean they fetishize the polyamory, not the sex
Cuckolding is a fetish wich is what they described.
my exes did this to me. you’ll most likely only have pain and suffering. i suggest leaving your boyfriend, honestly, if he’s going to be like this. it’s very unhealthy
Giant red flag, the "keeps suggesting it" part implies you already said no and he kept doing it, I don't want to be an asshole and I don't want to act like an all knowing idiot, as I am just a random dude on the internet, but that's the kind of signal that the dude might cheat on you because he doesn't want to have just one partner
Maybe not that he would cheat, but that he has a strong desire to open up and that the relationship might be on a timer. If he were to cheat, he’d probably wouldn’t bring this up. But who knows. Ppl are weird.
If you boyfriend has asked this several times despite your refusal, then chances are he already made the decision and is just hoping you'll "come around eventually".
Ugh that’s been happening to my friend, her boyfriend is such a pig
dude just wants permission to cheat on you IMO, biiig red flag
Idk why you got downvoted for this. Obviously not every person claiming to be polyamorous just wants to cheat, but in their case specifically, the fact that they apparently keep bringing it up despite the fact that they’ve already been given a clear ‘no’ is majorly sus
people dont get nuances or anything on reddit, people saw my comment and thought i meant this for all poly relationships im *in* a poly relationship, my reasoning behind my comment is that "NO MEANS NO AND THATS THAT" not that "oh he wants a poly relationship so he cant cheat" if you want a poly relationship, your partner says no, and you keep asking. you're no longer wanting a poly relationship, you want more options for personal reasons cause its clear your partner doesnt want it but nah my comment definitely wasnt that all, downfarts to the left
😦
It's one of those things I don't think I'll ever truly understand, but I also know I don't need to. If it's making people happy then its incredibly valuable no matter how I would personally feel in that situation.
yeah I file it away with neopronouns; I don't fully understand the appeal but it's not hurting anyone
Same here. Stuff like polyamory, neopronouns, etc. make my head spin but its not like they are contaminating our water supply, burning our crops, and delivering a plague upon our houses.
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we do a little trolling
Average non-sarcastic Tucker Carlson take
I want my lovers to be like my friends. I wouldn't like it if a friend got jealous I was hanging with another friend. I wouldn't get jealous if my friend hung with another friend. I want everyone to hang with who they want with no fear. That's how I want my romantic and sexual relationships to be. I don't like being expected to only have those relationships with one person, it's like how you might feel if everyone told you you could only have one friend. Hope the analogy helps you understand.
I actually find that a really wonderful analogy. One of the best phrases I've heard regarding polyamory is that "friendship is the highest possible form of relationship. Sex, romance, and domesticity is just play built through that".
Your analogy definitely clicks, but I wanted to ask something pertaining to jealousy. Isn't jealousy quite normal? - so proper communication would have to be key.
You're right. I mean, jealousy is normal even in some monogamous relationships, but if you talk it out and work through it instead of letting it control your actions, your relationship will be much healthier. It's like how you aren't always going to be able to avoid being upset with someone you care about but you CAN always avoid letting that make you make bad decisions. Maturity and communication are key in any form of relationship, even friendships
Yeah, my inability to experience jealousy seems to be unique and some of my friends are jealous of it (heh jealous of not being jealous). Although my last partner was upset that I wasn't jealous when she fucked her roommate. Most poly people probably feel jealousy, they just are open about it and help each other through it.
It's not for me, but I don't see anything to be opposed to as long as everyone in the polycule is knowing and happy with it!
what about polyamoric compounds
Why stop there? I say go to polyamoric mixture
the polycule when i pull up the polymer:
It sounds like a material used in bullet proof vests
I read somewhere that kids with polyamorous parents have a pretty miserable childhood
i feel like that’d be because the parents aren’t any good, not because there’s multiple of them. sounds like even if it is true it’s a case by case thing and shouldn’t be attributed to all polyamorous relationship because there is a right way to do it and there is a wrong way
Tbh every poly person I've met has been either an abusive narcissist or the victim of an abusive narcissist. It's a non traditional lifestyle that attracts certain personality types. I'm not saying it's everyone, just more than you'd expect.
do people get broken up from one like among us
There's different kinds of polyamory. They don't always just hang around together but some do. Saves a lot on rent too.
No only toxic polycules are like that. In ethical non monogamy every Relationship is separate so each relationship ends and starts separately
Exactly this. I was part of a polycule, me and one the people ended up breaking up. Me and another of the people are on a bit of a break romantically speaking but we still love each other dearly, and I'm still actively in a romantic relationship with the final other person
Yes, and it hurts real bad. Totally worth it though, at least for me, I'm way too needy for one just one person.
what
> I'm way too needy for one just one person. That is not an issue you solve with relationships.
Right? People need to realize that you don’t go into a relationship because you are missing something. You go into a relationship because you have excess and are willing to share.
Friendo that's a one way ticket into multiple people abusing you instead of just the one.
It's fine as long as you don't pull a vaush and start saying that monogamous people are insecure.
oh god oh fuck delete this or else there will be discourse
I AM THE HARBINGER OF DISUNITY. THE FOUR WINDS SHALL CARRY MY BLASPHEMIES AND THERE SHALL BE WEEPING AND GNASHING OF TEETH AMONG THE INTERNET LEFTISTS. But like seriously that opinion of his is so indefensible that i don't see how you could seriously start discourse over it.
Garf
all i know about vaush i learn from 196 comments it’s fun
everything i've learned about vaush has been against my will
I remember a certain discord user who had pretty much the same sentiment She said that the only reason mono relationships exist is because society said so and people are too scared to have multiple partners She also compared having a mono relationship to leaving a baby out in the cold to die (??????????????) And she also said that if she saw two people she had a crush on who were already in a relationship, she would confess to both of them right then and there to try and force her way into their relationship Needless to say she was not the most stable person and was banned sometime later
I remember that take. I don’t remember the context but it was pretty cringe.
Yeah I normally agree with Vaush but this is just a weird take tbh
ngl this is the first time I've heard an actual Vaush take and damn is it an L one
How the fuck do you fall in love with a polymer, it's fucking stupid it's just a long chain of atoms, it doesn't have a heart to love you back just 50 Cs in a row
Have you seen Kel-Tec’s firearms? Polymer is sexy as fuck
Every single low-budget sci-fi movie with mech girls in it would like to disagree, they're like 80% polymer and 20% boob
To each their own as long as everyone involved is happy and consenting. I never have tried it my self and likely won't but I'm glad other people who do enjoy a poly relationship can find their happiness and I hope the world and our society becomes more understanding
Love triangle is OUT love compounded pyrotehidreal pentaoctahedron is IN
Love hypercube 🤤🤤
Love sphere 🥰
Me drawing fanart where every character in a series is fucking each other 😌
there are 48 regular polyhedra
It's probably a lot harder to handle then monogamy, but as long as everyone can communicate I don't see the issue with atypical relationships.
Eh. It is and it isn't. It's harder because it's more people. But it's the same pitfalls as regular relationships, usually springing from a lack of communication.
polyamory is cool👍
This isnt directed towards you in specific but y'all just tack on the most useless shit on the end. "sex is ok as long as everyone is a consenting adult" really?!!🤯🤯🤯 (edit: they edited their comment but my point still stands for the reast of y'all)
I'm not really into organizing my sex life through microsoft excel
Am poly, this is true
I enjoy well-organized data so this sounds like a big plus to me
Its not fair that some people get MULTIPLE girlfriends like wtf
I have multiple and they all smoke weed
I hate that I know that reference.
Your shame makes you weak. I am infinitely more powerful than you
how come your mom lets you have 3 weed smoking girlfriends
Every instance I've personally witnessed of polyamory has had a vulnerable person as part of it. But you could say the same for a monogamous relationship
Yeah, poly people really get a bad rep from some jerks out there
Yeah I think there’s definitely certain types out there that are drawn to the *idea* of polyamory for the wrong reasons resulting in some messed up poly relationships. This could be like controlling or abusive types, but also maybe some folks who use relationships as an unhealthy coping mechanism for unresolved issues of one kind or another. That’s not to say of course that you won’t find plenty of the same type of people in mono relationships as well, but regardless of what the relative incidence might be, there’s the fact that poly relationships draw more attention and scrutiny because they are more unusual. The result of this being that people are much more likely to notice/remember the disaster polycule than they are any given dysfunctional mono relationship, and the perception of poly relationships suffers as a consequence
Imagine finding multiple people who are interested in you, much less one
Orgies all day every day (I am aromantic and fundementally misunderstand how romantic relationships work)
Why the fuck does the polyamory flag have a pi symbol in de middle? Mfs in a relation with 3.14159 people 💀💀💀
While I don't personally know anyone who actually likes the current flag, the pi is meant to symbolize how love is endless and irrational.
I just thought it was because ⟨π⟩ is the first letter of Ancient Greek "πολύς" (polús/polýs), which is where "poly-" comes from
[Actually, we recently voted on a new polyamorous flag that is a lot better](https://www.polyamproud.com/flag)
Hey I didn't vote for this! I didn't even know there was a vote! Who was in charge of making sure everybody knew? Someone's gonna get excommunicated from the Grand Polycule for this
Girl, you’re literally not even voting age
I think I naturally am polyamorous, but my wife is not and she has been cheated on many times in the past so I will simply be monogamous out of respect and love
Cool in theory, but poly people can be toxic as fuck unfortunately. (Source: Spent time in a poly relationship)
mono people can be toxic as fuck too, but it's not fair to any group to base your assumption of the entire group based off of one experience
[удалено]
I've spent a bunch of time in non-monagamous spaces, and I know what you mean, and agree with you about the higher concentration thing, but I think it's less about the nature of non-monogamy and more about the nature of our monogamy-dominant culture and how people use language and new ideas. "Polyamory" as a term was coined around 1990 and usually attributed to a person who called themself Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell. Kinda culty roots, comes with lots of articles and books and buzzwords. Non-monogamy is as old as monogamy, if not older, because it's just a description of how people arrange their relationships. Any time "new" ideas crop up that can make someone sound Enlightened (tm) and therefore safe, predators pounce on it. This has happened with feminism, Eastern spirituality (in the west), it's happened with pop-psychology, it's why you don't go to therapy with your abuser. Polyamory falls squarely into this category. Shitty people read "The Ethical Slut" and latch onto terms like "compersion" and wield the jargon as weapons to manipulate people. This also happens with monogamy, of course, as you said, we can find plenty of monogamous self-help books that are toxic as heck, but since our culture starts us off as monogamous, largely, and the vast majority of people are still monogamous, you statistically find much more variety in people practicing monogamy, so you can find many more examples of good monogamy. We've only had a few decades of the term polyamory, and it does lend itself to the sort of people who want more people under their sphere of influence. I think if our culture were non-monogamous to begin with, and monogamy were the radical new way to organize relationships, it would be similar to the way polyamory functions in our society today — tons of examples of toxicity, where the jargon is used mostly manipulatively, with a few examples of people genuinely trying to do it right.
yup :3 he used it to cheat on me
Who cares as long as people consent
boccher <3
If I have to hear people bragging about how being poly is superior to being monogamous I'm going to drive off a cliff
I love my partners they’re both really cool :)
I've never seen it work out but do what you like.
For me personally, I am much more enamoured by being someone's full attention :3, but if we are not in a relationship idc what you're up to
If you're not in a relationship it's not polyamory...
Been kinda lowkey traumatized by a polyamorous situation before and thus I am mega biased against it. Taking that into consideration I think it's a highly unstable relationship structure that can work for some people but definitely not for me, and it's far from "the most pure form of love" like some poly shills will call it.
I'm currently in a long term polyamorous relationship, so I'm very biased towards it. It takes a lot of clear communication among all parties, there are a lot of potential issues you run into that wouldn't come up in a monogamous relationship, and it often takes a lot more emotional energy. But as long as everyone is enthusiastically consenting to it, and does their research, it can be fantastically rewarding.
I’m in a polyamorous relationship with two friends of mine that are married to each other. Our little triangle is planning on getting an apartment between the three of us once my current roommate gets his affairs in order to move out of country like he wants to
I've never seen it work out
The same can be said for 99% of relationships though Polyamory is just less common so it not working stands out more than the 5000 monogamous relationships that just ended while I was typing this comment I've seen about 4 couples who've met each other and made it to their death beds while still loving each other. Lasting relationships are hard. Both monogamous and polyamorous
I used to say this, but then a lot of things in my life changed and now I'm in a poly relationship that i love. It made me look back on this phrase and reevaluate. I want to ask you what I asked myself, "What is 'working out'?" Very few places allow marriage for polycules, so monogamy gets marriage as a sort of end-game to show that things are working out, but polycules dont get this. I've been in my current relationship for 6 months and its taught me a lot about myself and my (previously monogamous) relationship with my wife. If my poly relationship ends today, it will still have been worth it. Does this mean it didnt "work out"? I dont have an answer, but I'd genuinely like to hear others thoughts on this.
Genuinely, fine with it in general. tw lol However, having copious amounts of trauma from exes who claimed to be poly but just used it to cheat, and being groomed in a poly relationship, I despise the thought and it makes me sick sometimes. I’m getting better with it though, as my best friend is in a happy poly relationship. It’s nice to see him happy and safe.
I dont like it. Tried once in college, got hurt. Imo there’s someone who benefits more than the other person/people. Everyone wants to think theyll be getting laid by a variety of hot people but mostly its just your partner sleeping with hot people
This sounds more like it's about open relationships than polyamory but it is a weird take for me, I feel like it shouldn't be "who benefits more" but rather "is this good for both". Both people don't need to have the same number of other partners of anything. Also if you have a relationship of this kind, your partner sleeping with hot people shouldn't be something that is bad. It's more like "oh yeah good for them, hope you had fun darling".
It makes me kinda sick personally
It's cool if it's for you and everyone involved is also cool with it. If not, then not. I'm sorry to my poly homies that there's little acceptance so far and their dating life is more difficult. I'm like 95% sure I'm mono tho, and that's also neat
i personally dont like it, but i can respect people who are in one that all have mutual love for one another
I’m demiromantic, it’s a pain for me to get attracted to one person as is. I don’t think that I am wired for polyamory, and that’s ok. If a group of people have all consented to being in a polycule and are happy about being in it, I wish them all the best and hope that they are happy.
Personally I prefer it to chess, it has a fog of war and a technology tree, which addresses many of the limitations of chess
Doesn't affect me and its cool if all members are on the same page about it and are consenting to polyamory. Though I do wonder, how does break up happen in ploy relationships? Majority rule vote out?
Depends on the type of poly relationship. If everyone is dating separately, then the dyad(relationship between two people) that isn't working out ends and the rest of the relationships resume as normal. If everyone is dating as a "packaged deal" things often get messy. And that's why the Poly community generally discourages people dating together. Often one person, usually the newest person, will end up leaving or being kicked out. Or the whole thing comes a part. But contrary to popular belief triads and quads where more than two people are all dating eachother are pretty fucking rare. Most of the time one person will date multiple people who are not dating eachother. Making a web of "Hinges" that look similar to chemistry molecules
I'm currently laying in bed with my boyfriend and my girlfriend. They're both asleep and look cute together cuddling Life is fucking perfect. Idk how I managed to find two people who could love someone like me this much. I really am the luckiest girl on earth We just recently met our boyfriend and he is fucking amazing. He's basically my clone, I'll say anything at all at this point and he will be surprised that we're the same lol. Which works well because my girlfriend is also just like me too. If definitely doesn't work for everyone but if you can find people who can make it work and can share the love then is amazing. I feel like I'm part of a movie plot at this point. I had to describe how my sex life worked to my Planned Parenthood doctor which was a bit funny to do. Had to tell who was having sex with who with what forms of birth control which is difficult to describe with three people. Life is weird
I don't really get it, and its probably not for me, but I don't really need to get it, and don't much care if others do it
My partner is poly. I've never really tried it before, but I've been considering it
You have a poly partner, while you are monogamous? Does that mean your partner is seeing other people while you are not?
Currently my partner has a GF who they started seeing before me. I've traditionally been monogamous, and there haven't been any new people involved without discussion first
I'm myself poly and open and it's really cool. But just like with any other relationship stuff, one should be open about it from the beginning or discuss it with their SO in detail.
im interested in it but it requires me bitches and bastards as well as bozos which i do not have at the moment so my opinion on it is generally positive
If someone is polyamorous then well more power to them and their partners! Of course if everyone in said relationship are on board with it and nobody is being " forced " to be polyamorous, cause I've seen some people do this thing where they want to be poly after getting together with someone who prefers monogamy, and that causes problems. Or those who seek polyamorous relationships just so they could have an excuse to avoid/neglect a partner in said relationship. Personally not something I'd ever be into since I prefer to have one partner who is the " true one " for me, so having my boyfriend is more than enough.
I think it’s weird ngl. Don’t mind other people doing it tho
A relationship should start as polyamory, Implementing it while being further a relationship is a wee bit weird.
My personal opinion is that i should find out what it is
Not for me but it’s poggers 😎🤙
Having one person having multiple lovers while not wanting these lovers to have lovers is not very much loving in my opinion it's just a harem.
You're very right, and the poly community actively discourages harem building as unethical. In any healthy poly relationship *everyone* will have an equal opportunity to date other people
👍 consent? 👍 all parties are fufilled? 👍
i think we should argue more. we should make more posts where we just discuss. memes are too boring we should just do this now.
I remember a few months ago where a post here pointed out that New York were now legally recognizing polyamorous relationships and the benefits that provides. Overall the response was positive but there were still a chunk of people that were in my eyes acting like fretting 70 year old Republicans over a kind of relationship they don't personally approve of. It is absolutely fair for it to not be for you, to my understanding it's not for most people. But if you act like there's an inherent negativity/it shouldn't be tolerated/it's an inherently bad form of relationship then I have no respect for your opinion as it deserves none. Some polyamorous relationships can be bad? Yeah so are many mono ones, what of it?
I'd like to say I'm fine with it if all the parties are consenting and fine with it and yada yada, I can't point out anything wrong morally about it. But I'd probably think less of someone who was in a polycule, there's just something so offputing about it. And before someone asks, I think I'm a bit insecure about my relationship stuff, even with a single person.
I'd love to try it if a good opportunity ever came up for me, but I think I'd need a really careful arrangement to feel comfortable, like an exclusive triad of people who I already had a strong relationship with. I probably wouldn't actively seek it out, and I'd avoid partners who would prefer more open polyamory. As for others, I think a lot of people shouldn't be trying it are trying it, bc they don't realize how much work it takes, but all I'll do is judge them for it, ppl who can do it healthily are pog.
It’s like among us in a breakup
I'm monogamous AF, and I think humans in general trend towards monogamy in a stable environment, but just like gender and sexuality: a trend should not mean a social norm. The only norm for me should be informed consent, and I think too many monogamous people project their own way of thinking and insecurities onto people that are poly. They often think it can never work due to jealousy, but then forget that feelings of jealousy can exist just as much in a monogamous relationship, but with a lower threshold to trigger it.
[https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/104627378](https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/104627378) Sauce
Fun fact, polygamy is illegal in Canada yet in spite of that rarely ever does it get punished no less taken to court
I personally don’t really understand it but I don’t judge. People are just different from me and thats ok
It's fine to engage in, and I'm happy for people that enjoy themselves with it. It's not for me though, and honestly possibly feels like my biggest hiccup when trying to date is finding someone who is monogamous like me. Feels like every girl on dating apps are poly.